WHAT IS THIS?

[Anonymous No.17102363]

Found this on a bag of chips. Is this how we market food now or something?

[Anonymous No.17102371]

>>17102363
>But don't worry. Kid Dynamo never breaks a sweat
Thank fucking God

[Anonymous No.17102381]

>>17102363
>Is this how we market food now or something?
Yes, Brayden McZoomZoom. Fictional mascots are a brand new marketing concept and have never before been used for food, or any other sort of product.

[Anonymous No.17102395]

>>17102363
>intergalactic bandit
>spicy personality
>wild ideas that break all the rules
>heists new fiery flavors
>shares them with the masses
>makes plenty of enemies
>never breaks a sweat

Kid Dynamo sounds like one of the most based motherfuckers to ever exist.
Literally travels across the universe, stealing flavors to share like a spacefaring Robin Hood, and gives zero fucks.
Thank you for your service, Mr. Dynamo.

[Anonymous No.17102415]

>>17102395
He's a colonist robbing aboriginals of their flavors cultivated over generations and giving them no restitution.

[Anonymous No.17102439]

>>17102381
Yes, but not without the same gusto, nor the sense of ridiculousness. He has a backstory involving Heat-Seeking Masks, space travel, and enemies.

[Anonymous No.17102495]

>>17102439
lolwut?
You clearly don’t know the original backstory of Cap’n Crunch.

>Cap’n Crunch’s father, Sven Crunch, was a navigator of a Viking vessel but was marooned in New England where he married a lovely Indian girl, Gidget Running Star.
>They had a child, Horatio Magellan Crunch. Since American schools were limited in their curriculum at the time, Horatio was sent to England for schooling but on his voyage he was kidnapped by a band of pirates who taught him how to be a sailor.

[Anonymous No.17102504]

>>17102415
>uncivilized space aboriginal savages on undeveloped planets willingly trade their sacred flavors for a sack of beads and a case of space-whiskey
>later try to claim they were “””robbed””” and are owed something
Literally not Kid Dynamo’s problem.

[Anonymous No.17102505]

>>17102363
soul

[Anonymous No.17102508]

>>17102495
sauce me dawg i wanna read more
cap'n crunch is excellent, second only to perhaps crispix and basic 4

[Anonymous No.17102554]

>>17102504
Maybe not but Kid Dynamo's great grandchildren will be paying for it by subsidizing those space savages with their space tax dollars

[Anonymous No.17102595]

>>17102508
Unfortunately that’s all there really is.

>By 1965, the cereal and the character were so popular that the origin was revised and simplified so that he was born on Crunch Island located in a sea of milk. It was a magical place with talking trees, crazy creatures and in the center was the fabled Mount Crunchmore made entirely of cereal.

They retconned that glorious backstory into something retard-tier.

Never forget what they took from you:
>Cap’n Crunch is literally the result of a shipwrecked Viking colonizing the fuck out of a local native girl.
Forever based as fuck.

[Anonymous No.17102626]

>>17102595
Damn, well thank you for keeping the true history of the Cap'n alive. You've done a great service, and I'll be sure to pay it forward.

[Anonymous No.17102634]

>>17102626
Just found this, there was a bit more:
https://cartoonresearch.com/index.php/the-origin-of-capn-crunch/

[Anonymous No.17102681]

>>17102595
I thought you were joking, but as it would turn out, you're completely right. Holy shit, this makes the Kid Dynamo lore look weak by comparison.

[Anonymous No.17102726]

>>17102363
OP here, the chips were an overall decent experience. Spicy, but in a pure, holistic way. Although, they could work on improving the distribution of seasoning, many chips had little to no seasoning. So, Doritos ftw.

[Anonymous No.17102793]

[Anonymous No.17102810]

>>17102439
The company is probably run by neckbearded comic book dweebs. High soy intake.

[Anonymous No.17102838]

>>17102381
Kek, op btfo

[Anonymous No.17103154]

>>17102793

[Anonymous No.17103181]

>>17102495
So, who would win in a fight? Cap'n Crunch or Kid Dynamo

[Anonymous No.17103195]

>>17102793
OP couldn't handle his fiery new flavors being heisted and shared with the masses.

[Anonymous No.17103210]

>>17102793
holy kek

[Anonymous No.17103214]

>>17102363
he looks pretty based tho

[Anonymous No.17103229]

>>17102363
zoom zoom

[Anonymous No.17103236]

>>17102793

[Anonymous No.17103241]

>>17102363
I can't help but read Outlaw Snax as Outlaw Star somehow

[Anonymous No.17103310]

>>17102793
BASED

[Anonymous No.17103322]

>>17103241
Based
>>17102793
Kek

[Anonymous No.17103346]

>>17103181
>who would win in a fight?
>one is a a mix of the tired ass tropes of generic “space pirate” and generic “Robin Hood”, only special ability is from a mask that lets him visually detect spicy flavors
>the other is a child of a fucking Viking seafarer and native savage, literally countless generations of warrior blood from both parents, who was then captured by pirates as a child, from whom he learned the ways of life at sea, awakening the Norse half of his soul to the point that he looks down with a smirk upon King Neptune himself, brother of Jupiter and Pluto, and doesn’t give a hint of a fuck because he is Captain Horatio Magellan Motherfucking Crunch, son of Navigator Sven Crunch, and rightful master of the high seas
Do you even have to ask?

[Anonymous No.17103434]

>>17103346
>dude just wrote an ode to a cereal mascot
I love this sight sometimes.

[Anonymous No.17103519]

>>17102505
Damnit. Kek. I was going to post cobra.

[Anonymous No.17103635]

>>17103519
Dynamo leaving me blue....
Dynamo missing you true....

[Anonymous No.17103649]

>>17102554
You mean every other bastard from one end of the galactic bowl to the other? Say it aint so

[Anonymous No.17103672]

>>17102793
KEK good to see OC

[Anonymous No.17104033]

>>17102363
this reeks of some boomer manager who thinks he had a great viral marketing idea ordering his graphic designer fiverr contact into editing the bags last minute with his genius idea

[Anonymous No.17104922]

>>17103346
Based