/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.16311744]

IIT things that if you went to someone's house and they had it you would judge the fuck out of them

[Anonymous No.16311749]

things today are so ridiculous I can no longer tell if this video is serious or a parody.

[Anonymous No.16311756]

>>16311749
it's real, google "juicero"

[Anonymous No.16311759]

>>16311749
There's an app for that, anon.

[Anonymous No.16311760]

>>16311749
That thing was an actual product that was successfully sold to people.

[Anonymous No.16311761]

>>16311749
I wish it was a parody but juice tastes 245% better when squeezed out of a bag.

[Anonymous No.16311763]

>>16311744
>2021
>still being a faggot
congrats

[Anonymous No.16311770]

>>16311744
Is that just dispensing premade juice from a bag?

[Anonymous No.16311774]

>>16311756
I refuse to feed the algorithm in their favor
>>16311761
>you know what was great? caprisun! lets make that but technology

[Anonymous No.16311792]

>>16311770
correct

[Anonymous No.16311803]

>>16311744
Tortilla machine! Tortilla machine!

[Anonymous No.16311823]

>>16311770
>>16311792
no, it's pressing fruit and vegetable pulp together to juice it.

[Anonymous No.16311836]

>>16311770
Yes but with magical COLD PRESS TECHNOLOGY you don't just squeeze the juice out of the bag, you squeeze the juice out of the bag but slightly colder. Also you need a subscription to get the bags so don't think you can go buying them without the $400 juicer.

[Anonymous No.16311842]

>>16311836
>>16311823
>>16311770
never 5get that when the journalist squeezed the bag by hand, she got more juice than with the juicero doing it.

[Anonymous No.16311872]

>>16311744
one of those wine delivery service where the box has a QR code or something and you scan it and it tells you what to eat and what glassware to use

[Anonymous No.16311891]

Only trailer trash eat this

[Anonymous No.16311902]

>>16311842
I'd sub... then I'd press the bags with my butt cheeks. Freshly squeezed froot juices are the best.

[Anonymous No.16311908]

>>16311774
>feed the algorithm in their favor
Imagine caring about this when the company is fucking bankrupt and the only reason it ever shows up in searches anymore is when people want to read about what a sham it was.

[Anonymous No.16311942]

>>16311891
ohhh no. I eat that...

[Anonymous No.16311965]

>>16311744
>Brother has a "composting" bin in his kitchen that he puts organic scraps in
>Lives in a fourth floor apartment where his "garden" consists of a single chive plant in his window

I've tried to explain to him how fucking retarded this is, but he just doesn't understand.

[Anonymous No.16311998]

>>16311908
how am i supposed to know that if i didn't google it, IDIOT

[Anonymous No.16312022]

>>16311965
My city has bins and a pickup schedule for compost. Your bro is based af, you should suck his dick.

[Anonymous No.16312057]

>>16311942
Anon, I...

[Anonymous No.16312088]

>>16311965
what's wrong with compost bin ?

[Anonymous No.16312091]

Does anyone know wtf that thing was marketed to do? What could possibly be going through someone's mind when they decide to buy that?

[Anonymous No.16312118]

>>16312091
literally boomers who are insecure about their technological inability

[Anonymous No.16312153]

>>16312091
it was marketed to people with too much money and too little time to make their own blender sauce who might subscribe to a service that basically just sent you smoothies on demand, on the premise that juice can make you live longer and has therapeutic properties

[Anonymous No.16312165]

>>16312088
He has no city pickup for it. So he has a bucket of rotting food on his counter all year long which he takes a spoonful of compost out of for his single plant and then throws the rest in the garbage can. It's fucking retarded. Just so he doesn't have to buy some potting mix he puts up with smelling rotten food year round. Composting is great, when it's done outside and you actually have a garden. What's he's doing though is just larping like he's a fucking farmer, in a 4th floor apartment.

[Anonymous No.16312168]

>>16312118
>insecurity
Projection. The buyers are entirely zoomers who cannot fathom doing anything mechanically, instead of through a shitty app encased in cheap chinese Jetsons plastic.

[Anonymous No.16312181]

>>16312091
"Smart juicer" marketed at vegan "men" and soccer moms who buy new iphones every year. Juicing was booming in popularity along with other healthy lifestyle choice memes so they made this thing at told boomers and gen x it would make them young and hip again.
>HEY SOCCER MOM, YOU HAVE CROWS FEET BECAUSE YOURE NOT JUICING
>BE YOUNG AGAIN
>WIFI
>BLUETOOTH
>MONTHLY SUBSCRIPTION
>CONTROL WITH YOUR PHONE BECAUSE BUTTONS ARE SO 2000
>HEALTH JUICE CAN REVERSE AGING
And people actually bought it. A juicer that couldn't even make juice that cost 3 times as much as a proper one.

[Anonymous No.16312184]

>>16311891
/Diy/ disagrees.

[Anonymous No.16312437]

>>16312168
>Projection
projection. fuck off, boomer.

[Anonymous No.16312462]

>>16312091
The original idea was to design a cold press for juicing fruits and vegetables.

But the problem is that the tonnage needed to get juice out of fruits and vegetables like apples and carrots and have it be considered cold press...

You can't really do that in a counter top setting.

So instead.

They would masticate hard fruits and vegetables and place them in bags and then the several tons of force the OVER ENGINEERED juicer can produce will juice them pronto and properly!

But... they only work on their own bags.

AvE did a great video breaking one down and it brought tears of joy to old Uncle Bumblefuck, but... they couldn't make money on the damn things. There's like 1200 dollars of engineering in each Juicero.

[Anonymous No.16312481]

>>16312184
Okay, people who live in containers as well

[Anonymous No.16312486]

The only thing I would comment is keep flammables away from the electrics, because my conscience would not allow otherwise.

[Anonymous No.16312491]

>>16311998
Lurk more.

[Anonymous No.16312501]

>>16311998
Because I just told you, retard. You're a god damn fool if you think it would have mattered either way

[Anonymous No.16312504]

[Anonymous No.16312517]

>>16312504
this flat out made me angry

[Anonymous No.16312523]

>>16312504
I like to smalt my salads with just the right amount of smalt

[Anonymous No.16312541]

>>16312517
I think with a design update and the ability to dispense salt without a fucking app it would be a fine idea. People have centerpieces with no actual function so one with many functions its not a terrible idea. At that size I'd expect it to have a pepper grinder built in though. Maybe a small butane/propane tank for a candle effect.

[Anonymous No.16312552]

>>16312504
>mentions the mood light twice
i still dont know what it fucking DOES
its a salt shaker with a speaker???

[Anonymous No.16312557]

>>16312541
and lube dispenser for easy and convenient ass cramming on the go

[Anonymous No.16312563]

>>16311891
Imitation crab is delicious, but it has absolutely nothing to do with crab. I'd never make a crab dish with imitation crab, and I'm entirely willing to spend for whole crabs or proper large chunk crab me when I can get it fresh. That being said, it takes a very sad, small mind to be unable to appreciate the flavors of imitation crab. It's the biggest indicator to me of someone who still has the palate of a child, and is only repeating foods that they think society has already approved as their "favorites".

[Anonymous No.16312585]

>>16312563
>only repeating [...] that they think society has already approved
You see this all the time when its "popular" to hate something like Justin Beiber or Fortnite. The mark of a child, where as an adult doesn't care

[Anonymous No.16312591]

>>16312563
a lot of people don't like imitation crab because it is often served in disgusting mayo "salad"

[Anonymous No.16312598]

>>16312557
Look motherfuxker I'm not saying it's something I would own but with a few tweaks it could go from a laughable product to something I believe I could actually sell. You could have been in on the ground floor of Sneet Inc but I will do it all myself and make a moderate return on my investment.

[Anonymous No.16312624]

>>16312552
you connect the interactive salt shaker to all of the devices on your home network and it takes away the drudgery of measuring small amounts of salt.

[Anonymous No.16312640]

no one posted it?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Cp-BGQfpHQ
it's one of the most overly complex consumer appliances I think in history. They were actually losing money on each one they sold heavily.

[Anonymous No.16312855]

>>16312118
like fuck was it boomers, you insecure faggot

[Anonymous No.16313170]

>>16311902
Ok chud

[Anonymous No.16313221]

>>16311749

The whole thing was literally designed from the start to be a marketing scam that existed solely to make money for the founders, who then bailed on the company leaving the investors holding the bag.

[Anonymous No.16313227]

>>16312504
"smalt" is such an exemplary name cause it almost perfectly encapsulates the product, a needless combination of products to create something looks like its used in prostate exams.

[Anonymous No.16313239]

>>16313221
Google invested in this and while the company was collapsing, the founder was off at Burning Man getting high as balls and talking about how he was going to do his next brilliant thing with Raw Water.

[Anonymous No.16313249]

if you can ever find these for less than 100 bucks they are worth it to pull apart and sell the parts because it was over designed to hell

[Anonymous No.16313304]

>wow this faggot thinks his time is so precious that he has to overpay 10x for his mediocre coffee

[Anonymous No.16313343]

>>16313304
Then they get that carousel full of absolutaly shitty flavoured coffee and one reusable pod they never actually use but keep so they can pretend they're being eco-friendly.

[Anonymous No.16313361]

>>16313249
What can you use the parts for?

[Anonymous No.16313372]

>>16312552
>i still dont know what it fucking DOES
Spies on you 24/7

[Anonymous No.16313378]

>>16313361
make a machine that squeezes juice bags

[Anonymous No.16313382]

>>16311744

[Anonymous No.16313395]

>>16313382
You're an imbecile. If you don't live alone and/or use more than 4 dishes on a regular basis you'll see how convienent a dishwasher is. I'll never live in a house without one.

[Anonymous No.16313404]

>>16313395
https://youtu.be/rpeihaCGkco

[Anonymous No.16313406]

>>16311891
If its not crab, what is it? Soy?

[Anonymous No.16313411]

>>16313343
Or worse, my luddite grandmother got one because her power suit business rich daughter has one, but my grandmother never uses it because reasons that not even she understands.

[Anonymous No.16313412]

>>16313406
ground up off cuts of fish mixed with sugar and bleaching agents and other additives

[Anonymous No.16313443]

Ikea knives and those automatic pepper grinds. Also people that recently started "professional cooking" because of YouTube videos.

[Anonymous No.16313452]

>>16313443
air fryers and slow cookers. a friend of mine made vegetable soup in a slow cooker. he would let it just sit for an entire day and threw it out because it turned into mush. same guy complained that his salmon was "well done" when he put it into his air fryer.

[Anonymous No.16313478]

>>16313404
bing bong wang wong you no use dishwasher!!!

[Anonymous No.16313494]

>>16313406
Byproducts from real seafood products. As far as I can tell there’s nothing wrong with it. I think if it had its own name it wouldn’t have a stigma to it, people would accept it as its own product and the world would keep turning. Instead people get hung up on the idea that it’s not in almost any way related to crab meat and that makes them think it’s a corporate lie or some other cognitive dissonance bs.

[Anonymous No.16313497]

>>16311872
I don't look down on that, I mean, it's a nice way to guide and develop a palate for different types of wines. I'd love one for scotches or tequilla, if my state wasn't so bullshit about liquor delivery

[Anonymous No.16313499]

>>16313478
Im white

[Anonymous No.16313506]

>>16313382
>handwashing in the current year
Get with the times grandma

[Anonymous No.16313512]

>>16313452
Your friend is a shitty cook, that’s not the tool’s fault. Up until 6 months ago I’ve lived in apartments for all of my life and never had the opportunity to own grills/smokers, if you gave me one right now it’d take some time to learn the craft, that doesn’t mean grills and smokers are shit.

[Anonymous No.16313515]

>>16312624
Finally I can salt my food without my measuring spoons!!!

[Anonymous No.16313519]

>>16313304
This kinda triggered me bro. Sometimes I just want a cup of shitty coffee with no prep.

Although that did get me in the mood to use my french press tomorrow

[Anonymous No.16313521]

>>16313304
Yeah I’d much rather spend 2 minutes preparing and 5 minutes brewing a single cup of coffee in a drip machine instead of pressing two buttons and walking away

[Anonymous No.16313528]

>>16313512
I think slow cookers are kind of a novelty product. There isn't much you *need* one for, but then again, it's nice to be able to bring a mobile food warmer full of chili to a family party and only need a 2 prong outlet for it to do it's thing.

And then you get the folks who want to put a stew on when they leave for work and come back to a finished product - kind of a nice idea I guess.

But other than that, that's no real practical reason to get one vs a dutch oven or something when it comes to wasting kitchen counter space

[Anonymous No.16313537]

>>16313528
Slow cookers have immense value and purpose. Never mind the convenience of coming home from an 8 hour work day to a perfectly tenderized roast or stew, slow cookers take the hassle of having to babysit something in a big pot on a stove or in an oven. It’s a tool that has basically one specific purpose and it does it well.

I could see that argument being made about pressure cookers. I don’t know if a single meal that comes out better in a pressure cooker than by any other cooking method. Convenience is a pressure cooker’s only value, and maybe that’s worth it to some people, but it’s more of a jack of all trades, master of none situation.

[Anonymous No.16313541]

>>16313406
Brand I use for sushi rolls is crab flavored cod
>>16311942
As long as it's not eaten just by itself it's not trashy imo

[Anonymous No.16313544]

>>16313537
>Slow cookers have immense value and purpose
All slow cooked food tastes exactly the same.

[Anonymous No.16313548]

>>16313537
Anyone can set a pan to medium low or into the oven and lid it without needing to buy another kitchen product, though.

Pressure cookers have an actual purpose - and it's more than the expediency and convenience they offer. As per the wiki page for "Canning":
>From a public safety point of view, foods with low acidity (a pH more than 4.6) need sterilization under high temperature (116–130 °C). To achieve temperatures above the boiling point requires the use of a pressure canner. Foods that must be pressure canned include most vegetables, meat, seafood, poultry, and dairy products. The only foods that may be safely canned in an ordinary boiling water bath are highly acidic ones with a pH below 4.6,[11] such as fruits, pickled vegetables, or other foods to which acidic additives have been added.

But all that aside, yes, they're also great for, say, compressing the time it takes to caramelize a root vegetable from multiple hours of babysitting and moisture control to 15 minutes

https://modernistcuisine.com/recipes/caramelized-carrot-soup/

And that aside, great for bombing marathons

[Anonymous No.16313554]

I don't understand how anyone who actually has to peel things can stand to use one of these. Kuhn peelers are kino as fuck

[Anonymous No.16313558]

>>16313554
Maybe I'll use it to cut some carrots on one of these

[Anonymous No.16313559]

>>16313554
Great for blocks of cheese to get nice thin slices that taste better and melt faster.

[Anonymous No.16313564]

>>16313559
Please. The master race of peelers has already been decided. We need not for some pretender to continue to exist, merely to allow for it's mistakes to survive into the future, and pester our children's children. These juden peeling devices must be snuffed out for the betterment of all that we peel for in the first place.

[Anonymous No.16313580]

>>16313506
You know it

[Anonymous No.16313604]

>>16313548
You can’t pressure can in a pressure cooker, it requires a pressure canner, which is not the same thing. Pressure cookers don’t get up to the required psi to eliminate botulism.

You said the same thing that I did, which is that they can take what would normally be a long cook dish into a short cook dish, at the expense of quality/taste.

[Anonymous No.16313624]

>>16313604
My pressure cooker operates at 15 PSI.

[Anonymous No.16313695]

>>16313512
I didn't say the tools were shit, anon.

[Anonymous No.16313700]

>>16313604
lmao, cope, you fucking retard, you're 0/4 on providing any meaningful insight

[Anonymous No.16313742]

>>16313604
>You can’t pressure can in a pressure cooker

Fucking what?

[Anonymous No.16313814]

It's really funny, the creator of this shit is now doing some organic water scam and gets assblasted when people bring up the juicer fail
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oI-Ye8SP708

[Anonymous No.16313853]

>>16311770
>>16313604
Aren't pressure cookers good for corned beef?

[Anonymous No.16313878]

>>16311891

Works great when you want a cheaper version and relatively same taste chinese crab meat and sweetcorn soup.

[Anonymous No.16313882]

>>16311744
>IIT things that if you went to someone's house and they had it you would judge the fuck out of them

Basically if they use any electric tool more modern than a blender or rice cooker in the kitchen.

[Anonymous No.16313940]

>>16311744
I remember seeing a teardown video. Apparently it actually had good build quality, if you just hacked it and used fresh fruit instead of the subscription service.

[Anonymous No.16313992]

>>16313304
My fucking wife spends almost 80 cents a cup for her k cups. And it's not great coffee. I try and get her in the French Press but she refuses to do it. I can make a great cup of coffee for like 20 cents tops and take only as long as the kettle takes to heat the water

[Anonymous No.16314004]

>>16312504
Can you pass the salt? Sure let me get my phone out at our nice family dinner, what grind do you want for your salt today? This is so fun. Hang on, I gotta wait for the ads to end before you can have salt.

[Anonymous No.16314007]

>>16313992
Yeah, we have a local coffee roaster that's like a coffee nazi. He kicks people out if they are rude in his shop or he doesn't like them. But he's got the best roasts. So I get the best coffee I can and it's literally 20 cents a big mug.
Those people that ask for donations 'oh buy me a cup of coffee', when they ask for multiple dollars. If you can't organize your own life and are spending that much on coffee you don't deserve donations. You must be richer than I am. $5 coffees, come on.

[Anonymous No.16314014]

>>16313406
It's pollock, a type of fish

[Anonymous No.16314023]

>>16313558
Not as bad as the glass cutting board.

[Anonymous No.16314032]

>>16313554
I prefer one of these, but the blade has to be fixed instead of those wobbly ones.
Just a force of habit I guess.

[Anonymous No.16314054]

>>16312165
I think you're looking for attention. Your bro is based af and you know it. Now be a good bro and go suck his ding-dong.

[Anonymous No.16314141]

>>16313494
But it has it's own name.
It's surimi.

I actually like it. Of course, it has the potential to be shitty, like chicken nuggets or meatballs, because it's easy to load it with starch instead of protein.

[Anonymous No.16314143]

>>16311891
I love that shit.
I agree that it is trash, but once in a while that's what I want to eat. Mixed with mayo and canned asparagus in a burger bun with lettuce and tomato. Maybe cucumber if they're homegrown.

[Anonymous No.16314212]

>>16312118
>Wifi juicer connected to phone
>boomers who suck at technology
Please tell me how these things go together.

[Anonymous No.16314453]

>>16311749
Just investors trying to create subscription services in every market
The device itself was drm filled trash, would lock out any non-juicero bags, and even bags that were past expiry, and performed as well if not worse than a person squeezing the bags with their bare hands

[Anonymous No.16314460]

>>16314453
And if i remember correctly you were paying $50 for about a half carton of shitty juice per week on their subscription service

[Anonymous No.16314468]

>>16312504
Literally Alexa glued to a salt shaker

[Anonymous No.16314471]

>>16311744

This was a stupid idea made stupider with the wifi, QR codes, and subscription nonsense. Why not sell the bags as a way to fill it with your own stuff so your fridge or freezer is stocked and then the thing geta it to the right temp and squeezes them out. You could at least have some sort of justification for its purpose then (besides just being a scam).

It is a perfect example of what "technology" has become. It's not super fast computers and things that objectively make life better. It's just gimmicks and ads. There's very few people in "tech" that are really doing anything that at all comes close to contributing to society

[Anonymous No.16314525]

>>16314212
essentially because they tryhard to stay on top of the technological curve so it makes them prime targets for scams and manipulation marketing

[Anonymous No.16314567]

>>16313361
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Cp-BGQfpHQ

[Anonymous No.16314605]

>>16314525
/biz/

[Anonymous No.16314608]

>>16314567
>>16313249
of course you'd go and post your content in here

[Anonymous No.16314616]

>>16314608
I fucking wish AvE posted here.

[Anonymous No.16314625]

>>16314525
>they tryhard to stay on top of the technological curve
I'm not entirely convinced that this is a true statement. They're definitely a prime target for scams & manipulation but that largely seems to be due to their inability and/or unwillingness to learn technology. Of course that's not a unique boomer trait, a lot of people this last election got bamboozled out of their votes because they fell for
>vote via facebook/twitter
campaigns which were hilarious but don't speak well to the general awareness of people at large. Remember when people fell for the idea that software updates made their iPhones waterproof or allowed them to charge in the microwave? Good times.

[Anonymous No.16314735]

>>16314525

You're thinking of dumb millennials and probably zoomers who live on the coasts and consider themselves "tech-savvy" and "gadget heads" or whatever. The type of people that line up to buy the newest phone, have their house connected to Google, and their entire life collapses if the internet goes down since nothing they have works.

They have wifi enabled coffee mugs and pet feeders. They are, ironically, probably on the tech industry or tech adjacent and help continue to push the cycle of wifi enabled garbage that ultimately does nothing to improve anyone's life and in fact actually is more troublesome

[Anonymous No.16314780]

>>16313382
tfw not enough space in my kitchen for a dish washer.
tfw the rest of the house is pretty fucking big.

[Anonymous No.16314820]

>>16313814
>his new business venture is taking dirty water not fit for human consumption and convincing people it's a health craze

Amazing how some people can be so shameless about peddling scams and snake oil

[Anonymous No.16314833]

>>16313544
Add vinegar at the end and defat/roux your stews. They will be much better after that.

[Anonymous No.16314841]

>>16313814
Honestly why shame him. Shame the people who were massively retarded for funding his ventures. It takes 2 second to notice this nigger is crazy.

[Anonymous No.16314844]

>>16311891
The average imitation crab meat eater.

[Anonymous No.16314851]

>>16313992
You should probably brew it a little longer than no time at all, son.

[Anonymous No.16314903]

>>16314007
>buy me a cup of coffee
>buy me a beer
>buy me an Uber
I despise these people.

[Anonymous No.16315273]

>>16311891
>imitation crab meat
>made with real King crab meat

[Anonymous No.16315344]

>>16311744
It's literally just a motorized clamp that squeezes. What I wanna know is which investor bought into this thing. Whoever they were they probably paid Black Cube or something to wipe out all evidence of their financial involvement.

Who was this even for? Silicon Valley upstarts? Those guys are playing the same PT Barnum game with their own inventions. Why would they buy the same kind of crap they themselves were trying to foist on the rubes? Besides the Valley folks I ran across have like real, industrial juicers. Commercial grade. The rest just have rent-a-mexicans that make the juice for them.

[Anonymous No.16315373]

>>16311749
You got these trust fund bubble brats that live in their own world. The whole tough love thing America does only applies to those outside that bubble. They pay people enough money to tell them they are awesome, clever and special. Turns out if you throw enough money at a man he will tell you whatever you want. Anyways the guys that live inside of this bubble (Like the Sears CEO who has lived his entire life on an island exclusively for millionaires/billionaires.) They got no idea how the outside world works at the same time assuring you that you are the one that has no idea how it works. Just throw out what sticks and if the proles bitch have the police beat on them a bit.

[Anonymous No.16315379]

>>16311891
Has its uses. Like for fried rice you wouldn't use real crab (At least I hope you wouldn't.) And I loves me some fried rice.

[Anonymous No.16315381]

>>16314780
can't you put it in the bathroom? I know it's weird, but still

[Anonymous No.16315447]

>>16313221
Yeah I'm sure the founders made tons of money selling these machines at an 800 dollar loss and having the business fail before they could recoup costs from subscriptions.

[Anonymous No.16315477]

>>16314468
Its not nearly as capable as alexa. It has to connect to an alexa to do anything useful other than play music.

[Anonymous No.16315481]

>>16314780
If i can fit one in my kitchen so can you. Also portable dishwashers are a thing, wheel it to the sink and hook it up, unhook and put away when not in use.

[Anonymous No.16315483]

>>16313395
>2021
>not living alone

[Anonymous No.16315490]

>>16313992
Sounds like you have no idea how to use your French press anon.

[Anonymous No.16315494]

>>16315483
This. I live alone *and* use a dishwasher.

[Anonymous No.16315505]

>>16313554
It costs like three dollars and makes peeling thing easier. Why do you not understand that?

[Anonymous No.16315507]

>>16313992
>take only as long as the kettle takes to heat the water
As well as the 10-15 minutes of wait time after you pour the water for the coffee to brew and settle moron. If you're just pouring hot water in and pressing and pouring immediately you're a fucking moron and I guarantee your wife's Kerrigan cups taste better. You're like someone who bought a cast iron but never seasoned it and used it only for eggs.

[Anonymous No.16315511]

>>16315505
He's talking about the type of peeler retard. For the same price you can get the type where the blade isn't parallel to the handle and they do every peeling job so much better

[Anonymous No.16315519]

>>16313406
It's like hotdogs made of fish

[Anonymous No.16315521]

>>16311749
>>16311774
it was real, but a commercial failure because holy shit it's a bag squeezer

[Anonymous No.16315524]

>>16315521
Now now, my wife is successful...

[Anonymous No.16315643]

>>16315481
The definition of insanity

[Anonymous No.16315681]

>>16311891
You can go to hell and stay there. I could be the richest man in the universe and I'd still love some imitation crab. You gotta go for the krab salad at the delis of supermarkets, goddamn that stuff is so good. I'd love to have a liter of krab salad and coleslaw right now.

[Anonymous No.16315706]

>>16311965
nah your bro based
shoutout to his lil chive plant

[Anonymous No.16315721]

>>16311891
This must be bait, surely nobody could possibly have their head this far up their own turdcutter

[Anonymous No.16315732]

>>16311965
>makes compost
>uses compost
>OMFG WHAT A RETARD I CANT STAND HIM ARGLE BARGLE

Idk sounds like you're the one with the problem here m80

[Anonymous No.16315794]

>>16315643
Its not like there's plumbing work or tools involved you cunt. They're called portable for a reason, you just quickly attach a special hose to your tap and run the water. Either way I'm sure there's storage space you aren't using and it wouldn't be hard to knock out some shelves or whatever is next to your sink and throw a 50 dollar dishwasher in there, but I bet that sounds insane too.

[Anonymous No.16315795]

>>16312504
>people laughing maniacally for no apparent reason
>the slick fone
>the good vibes "happy" vibes
>completely no idea whatsoever whats the device is supposed to do
>token black person
>ambient lights, almost cyberpunkish

it became kind of its own genre by this point

[Anonymous No.16315807]

>>16312504
ap this thing calculates how much salt you "consume" by taking from it so i just imagine
>yeah smaltlexa give me a spoonfull of salt
>whoopsie dropped half of it
>hold these eggs just a sec i gotta go pick up my phone and correct that in my daily salt intake
a normal person wouldnt care
but a normal person also wouldn't
buy this

[Anonymous No.16315821]

>>16315706
>>16315732
>>16312022
His former "bro" here.reporting from the 4th floor. Thanks for having my back guys, I won't expose his face but IRL he's a total fucking uggo loser with literally 2 friends who has never talked to a woman who wasn't his mother or a drive thru attendant. And now he has literally one friend, I've blocked and deleted him from my phone and socials.

[Anonymous No.16315830]

>>16315821
idk if i believe it but hey you carry on based man
seriously tho if what hes saying abt the smell is true u should prob take care of that

[Anonymous No.16315834]

>>16315830
The compost bin in in the locked and gated parking lot by the garbage and recycling and I'm not the only one who uses it.

[Anonymous No.16315839]

>>16315834
oh nice
wait are you sure thats your brother shittalking you on here?

[Anonymous No.16315842]

>>16315794
At this point u may aswell put them in the bath and wash your body and your dishes at the same time. Or take your dishes to the car wash and have a go with the pressure washer

[Anonymous No.16315857]

>>16315807
Well it would be even better if you couldn't correct it and SMALT (tm) would refuse to dispense any more salt as you have already reached you Daily Advised Intake

[Anonymous No.16315898]

>>16314567
>all those machined parts
what a fucking waste lol

[Anonymous No.16315943]

>>16313406
monkfish? maybe?
pretty sure its real stuff

[Anonymous No.16315966]

>>16313382
t. mexican

[Anonymous No.16315984]

>>16315839
Lol no I just happen to be another guy who lives on the 4th floor of a building is a single low maintenance food item in my window. Those are green onions not chives BTW and I don't use the compost bin or my section of the community garden. I would like to start growing stuff but I have to wait until my neighbor dies.

[Anonymous No.16315991]

>>16315857
idk how youd even manage to reach your daily advised limit with salt, everything else aside that sounds like a disgusting set of meals
sodium isnt present in just pure tablesalt salt, its literally in almost everything but especially meats and premade meals or sauces (which ok tbf these pussy ass organic eating vegans prob dont consume so... whatever)

[Anonymous No.16316000]

>>16315842
No, either of those is exponentially more effort than plugging in a household appliance and using it as intended. Shit I have to go grab the vacuum and plug it in? Maybe empty it? Might as well just have the floors professionally cleaned at that point or better yet sanitize the entire place with fire.

[Anonymous No.16316001]

>>16315842
>wwah wwah attaching a hose to my tap is too much trouble
>thats why i wont do it and proceed to just handwash my dishes which is faaar easier. and yknow complaining about it

[Anonymous No.16316016]

>>16314453
The future is fucked. I yearn for nuclear war.

[Anonymous No.16316033]

>>16311823
This is somehow even worse than I initially thought.
How did this species develop tool use?

[Anonymous No.16316051]

>>16311891
If you go to a sushi restaurant and they serve you this but market it as crab, you should burn that fucking place down.

I hate fucking pollock so much.

[Anonymous No.16316057]

>>16316033
I'm convinced the entire technological arms race from the first chipped rock forwards has been a series of blunders and accidents.

[Anonymous No.16316062]

>>16313382
foxandthegrapes.jpg

[Anonymous No.16316065]

>>16315519
This is the best and most catty description of imitation crab I've ever seen.

[Anonymous No.16316073]

>>16316033
It was literally a different species who did that. Current homo sapiens had all the essential shit like tools fire and hunting figured out for them by the humanity beta testers.

[Anonymous No.16316086]

>>16316000
>>16316001
Your both upset, I'll give you both some time to chill out and regain your composure before we converse again so until then, good day ma'ladies.

[Anonymous No.16316470]

>>16313499
And poor evidently

[Anonymous No.16316498]

>>16311756
>>16311774
It never made it past the capital raising phase, this was never a thing you could purchase

[Anonymous No.16316523]

>>16316086
Nah not upset, I have a kitchen with a dishwasher and I'm not a total retard who says "I can't do it because.... I just CANT okay!?" so my life is automatically 20x better than yours. If you were some lazy coping retard you might be able to afford a better living space.

[Anonymous No.16316700]

>>16316086
>behave like a retard
>get called a retard
>"haha you upset bro? you mad?"
the absolute state

[Anonymous No.16316733]

>>16313221
>juicerjew
>not jewcero

[Anonymous No.16316774]

>>16313221
>holding the bag
I see what you did there.

[Anonymous No.16316800]

[Anonymous No.16316814]

>>16311744
Why was she messing with her phone if she still had to press a button to dispense the juice?

[Anonymous No.16316870]

>>16316800
The Slapchop is lazy and small but honestly has practical use for certain things in small quantities. It's not really practical to chop things like nuts in small or even moderate quantities and this would do a better job than most home cooks. Also it's good for people with arthritis.

It's still dumb but there are acceptable use cases, unlike Juicero, which was just a scam to bait dumb rich people and white suburbanites.

[Anonymous No.16316876]

>>16312504
I am confused what this is even suppose to be. Like a salt shaker is already pretty standardized to a point you never think about needing to be improved. its also filled with an element that easily corrodes electronics.
The salt gun is more of a technological leap than this trash which is just a design made to launder grant and funding moneys

[Anonymous No.16316988]

>>16316870
Don't forget that Juicero had DRM bags so you can't refill them or make your own or anything like that.

[Anonymous No.16317570]

>>16311744
Somehow manages to be overengineered too

https://blog.bolt.io/juicero/

[Anonymous No.16318314]

>>16311744
A menorah, I'd probably set the house on fire.

[Anonymous No.16318338]

>>16313814
Jewish.

[Anonymous No.16318568]

>>16316814
You use your phone to give it access to your wifi so it can call the botnet, it scans barcodes on the juice packets to make sure they're real juicero brand packets and not some knockoff.

[Anonymous No.16318573]

not enough rice cooker, sous vide and kitchen machine posting. is this even ck?

[Anonymous No.16318590]

>>16316988
barcodes on bags, had to scan em with the online connected juicer. once out of date..

[Anonymous No.16318626]

>>16316016
same :)

[Anonymous No.16318675]

>>16316870
this
a lot of things that are considered "lazy" would probably actually benefit someone whos old or disabled, while other ones genuinely are a big ol wank stain of technology

[Anonymous No.16320403]

>>16311998
Friends would have told you, loser.

[Anonymous No.16320791]

>>16314023
MY MOM HAD THIS PIECE OF GARBAGE

[Anonymous No.16320826]

>>16314004
>Can you pass the salt? Sure let me get my phone out at our nice family dinner, what grind do you want for your salt today? This is so fun. Hang on, I gotta wait for the ads to end before you can have salt. Hang on, it has to update to the most recent version, also I need to update the app too. Shoot, we were dining al fresco, but the wifi isn't so great out here. Let me just bring this inside for a moment while it updates. I'll be out in just a second. [...] Hang on, I gotta wait for the ads to end

Had a small addendum to that

[Anonymous No.16320850]

>>16312504

[Anonymous No.16321063]

>>16312504
So it's just salt. They didn't bother to even add a pepper feature in it either. You essentially have this giant block and a tiny pepper shaker next to it.

[Anonymous No.16321091]

>>16316800
>you're gonna love my nuts

[Anonymous No.16322115]

>>16321063
Yeah, salt grinders in general are dumb too.

[Anonymous No.16322164]

>>16313494
In Australia we just call it Seafood Extender.

[Anonymous No.16322661]

>>16316086
I can regain my composure but you can't regain a correct chromosome count.