/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.15428584]

how is the food in jail?

[Anonymous No.15428588]

Shit brick once a week. And the criminals are the chefs.

[Anonymous No.15428595]

>>15428588
do italian criminals cook better?

[Anonymous No.15428596]

>>15428584
There's a bunch of prison cooking videos on youtube if you actually want to know. Check out Lockdown 23 & 1 and After Prison Show to get started. Expect a bunch of pizzas made from ramen pizza dough, ketchup, and summer sausage.

[Anonymous No.15428598]

>>15428595
they have a very nice system

[Anonymous No.15428600]

>>15428584

I've only spent 1 night in a local jail for public intox. I was booked after dinner time, and I was way too drunk still to eat anything for breakfast, but for lunch we had Hot Pockets and a Dr Pepper and a cookie. It was comfy.

[Anonymous No.15428601]

>>15428584
ramen and tuna-in-a-pouch

[Craig T. Nelson No.15428608]

Bologna sandwiches of questionable origin & shelf life.

[Anonymous No.15428612]

>>15428598
made me laugh

[Anonymous No.15428654]

>>15428584
Too many onions in the sauce.

[Anonymous No.15428682]

>>15428584
I spent 2 nights in jail. First time I got those little microwave sandwiches for breakfast. Not bad. Second time it was the worst bologna sandwich I ever tasted.

[Anonymous No.15428718]

>>15428584
Ask for gerd only meals. Gastric reflux meals. Always better meat servings.

[Anonymous No.15428722]

>>15428584
imagine school food but even worse

[Anonymous No.15428749]

>>15428682
Prolly had miracle whip or something disgusting version of mustard on it

[Anonymous No.15428810]

>>15428654
>too many onions
That right there should have been a tell that Henry was a rat

[Anonymous No.15429372]

>>15428654
Just ask for gerd, gastric reflux meals. No onions. All meat, no filler.

[Anonymous No.15429472]

It SHOULD be just gruel and shitty day old bread and water.

[Anonymous No.15429589]

>>15428608
Go back to /sp/

[Anonymous No.15429713]

>>15428584
Had a friend who was in britbong jail for a year for selling drugs.
Apparently it's shit. The cheapest shit the private sector can produce.
Also, they're allowed to have electric kettles, and they sometimes fill them with sugar water and use them to mutilate each other. Aparently the boiling sugar water sticks to your skin and melts your face.
Fucking grim.

[Anonymous No.15429771]

>>15429713
Molten sugar is widely known as culinary napalm for a reason. As bad as getting boiling water poured on you is it's got nothing on something that's sticky while also holding a ton of heat.

[Anonymous No.15429795]

>>15428682
same situation, fuck my old shitty roommate, actually just had my case dismissed.
>meal 1, while Im hungover in the morning
One of the best tuna sandwiches I've ever had, white bread and koolaid
>meal 2
meat slop, white bread, koolaid
>meal 3, breakfast
cold eggs, shitty sausage, white toast, coffee
>meal 4
shitty baloney sandwich

I dont get why they gave us coffee, what do we have to get up and do?

[Anonymous No.15429798]

>>15428584
What did you do anon?

[Anonymous No.15429805]

>>15429798
just checking my options :)

[Anonymous No.15429972]

I got to enjoy 8 meals in jail, it was basically hospital cafeteria food. Every meal came with one slice of white bread and one slice of wheat, not sure why.

Breakfast was always oatmeal, and apple or orange, juice and those two slices of bread.

Lunch was bologna sandwiches one day, (tasted just like oscar meyer) cheeseburger the next (definitely the highlight) and tuna sandwich the next. Always served with that mismatched bread, some kind of salad and fruit cup. (The potato salad was awful, unsurprisingly.)

Dinners were beef stew and this ragu-like dish they called lasagna plus green salad. Pretty bland, reminded me of school lunches. The stew came with a piece of chocolate cake though which was actually quite good.

Can't wait to go back!

[Anonymous No.15430006]

>>15429972
What did you do to get sent to jail?

[G8rH8r No.15430045]

>>15429972
Included bread because enriched bread is pumped full of vitamins

[Anonymous No.15430052]

it's High School tier bullshit but considering you have to eat it together with literal animals unfit for society it tastes extra shitty. Even burger day you don't look forward to considering you could eat it outside if you were not in prison. Commissary tuna was my daily BnB

[Anonymous No.15430060]

>>15429972
Did big Tyrone try to steal any? Or is that just the movies.

[Anonymous No.15430126]

>>15428595
The hispanics have bullied the italians out of the kitchen. Hope you like beans.

[Anonymous No.15430144]

>>15428810
Henry was irish catholic. He wanted potatoes in his gravy, the fucking mook.

[Anonymous No.15430163]

I only ever did an overnight in harris county, they give you a bologna sandwich with cheese and a moonpie

[Anonymous No.15430170]

Spent 6 months locked up 2 years ago. Food was okay, no salt or sugar added. Really bland. We used ramen flavoring when eating. One packet was good enough for 6 of us. Tacos every 2 weeks was great. Chicken patties were okay too. Only flavoring in the food was dessert which did have sugar.

[Anonymous No.15430182]

>>15430163
Fucking harris county. When I watch houston news theyre always like "this child murderer was released on 5 thousand dollar bond." When I got a DUI my bond was 20k. What judge is letting these coons out on 5k bond?

[Anonymous No.15430216]

>>15430182
Bail is set based on your income and if have a legal job you fucking homo. Pro tip : lie you fucking losers. There’re not going to pull your W2 and your bail will be low as fuck.

[Anonymous No.15430226]

>>15428584
tasty vomit

[Anonymous No.15430230]

>>15430182
the white guilt ones i assume. my stint was for less than 2g of weed, and the white judge went on a triade and made my 18/yo ass feel like complete shit infront of my mother

[Anonymous No.15430255]

>>15430126
Gracias a dios. Better good beans than sad cope jail pasta. Though I still suspect that it's better than public school pasta.

[Anonymous No.15430256]

>>15430230
>2g of weed
you deserve it for smoking grass, like a faggot

[Anonymous No.15430281]

>>15429795
>I dont get why they gave us coffee
Cheaper than juice/milk, more humane than water.

[Anonymous No.15430430]

It’s awful. Prison food is better but still not very good
>t. Year in the clank

[Anonymous No.15430542]

>>15430006
Just selling weed a couple years before it became legal to do so.

>>15430060
It was county jail in a college town so not a lot of Big Tyrones to deal with, also violent offenders were in a different block. I actually took food from others if they didn't want it because I was hungry the whole time.

[Anonymous No.15430551]

>>15430542
People think all prisons are supermax or rikers island.
Most prisoners aren't violent. They wanna keep their heads down, do their time, then get out on good behavior.

[Anonymous No.15430576]

>>15430256
Ah yes the angry sheltered people of 4chan

[Anonymous No.15430606]

>>15428584
Pretty sporadic. Some days for breakfast you will get a single hardboiled egg and a piece of corn bread. Other days you will get cheesy eggs, bacon/sausage and toast with coffee and juice.

Eat EVERYTHING, because the meals vary so much that you may go 12 hours from dinner to breakfast with a meager meal to meager meal.

Canteen exists, but is mostly junk food. In jail you can order ramen but dont have access to any heating source so it is luke warm at best.

Prison is a bit different, meals are much more standard and you can build a fairly decent kitchen in your cell if you have money.

[Anonymous No.15430614]

>>15428584
What did you do?

[Anonymous No.15430642]

>>15430614
Children.

[Anonymous No.15430645]

>>15430182
Alot of places have set bails for certain crimes. DUI is the "worst" thing you could ever do in the eyes of the court, even though it is a victimless crime.

[Anonymous No.15430654]

PUT YOUR WORK IN FOR YOUR PEOPLE AND HOOP ME SOME RAMEN

[Anonymous No.15430657]

>>15429713
i know what i'm throwing at the the kids next halloween!

[Anonymous No.15430762]

>>15428584
Think sixth grade cafeteria in the ghetto.

[Anonymous No.15430824]

>>15429713
which is why muslims suck.

[Anonymous No.15430836]

>>15429372
Or don't go to prison in the first place

[Anonymous No.15430842]

>>15430645
DUI are not a victimless crime you retard i, hope you get smashed in to by a drunk mexican infront of your mom faggot.

[Anonymous No.15430848]

the only food in jail is PEANUS WEANUS lol :)

[Anonymous No.15430849]

>>15430645
>DUI is the "worst" thing you could ever do
>is a victimless crime.
Ok, dumb alky.

[Anonymous No.15430872]

Anyone saying it's like school cafeteria food is a fucking larper. They best thing I ever got was a hard boiled egg.

[Anonymous No.15430879]

>>15430872
this thread was made during euro hours. americans dont need to apply, we already know the answer.

[Anonymous No.15430884]

>>15430842
DUI in itself is victimless, it just raises chances of accidents.

I would bet that texting raises them by a similar chance yet they aren't treated the same...

>>15430849
I am what I am, my lowest DUI was a .307 and I am driving here in a few minutes after a pint and 3 beers.

[Anonymous No.15430947]

>>15430879
Look at op's file name, chief.

[Anonymous No.15430960]

>>15429713
>Britbong Norfeners and Pakis running around a jail with electric kettles in their hands to throw sugarwater at each other

[Anonymous No.15430965]

>>15430842
Hitting someone with a car =/= DUI, no matter how much judges think this to be the case

[Anonymous No.15430968]

>>15430947
am OP its just the one i picked because it was linked to some tranny headline

[Anonymous No.15431039]

>>15428584
I spent a night in jail and all I remember was for dinner getting something approximating a McChicken

[Anonymous No.15431091]

>>15431039
That was a good meal, the burger equal was good. Other times it was chili mac where each day the mac got bigger and the chili got smaller (leftovers) could be applied to any meal with noodles.

[Anonymous No.15431722]

Worked a a Florida prison before. Inmates would gamble with ramen and stamps no joke.

[Anonymous No.15431796]

>>15428584
Shit of course.
Watery soup, fish, offal and rice. Usually no more than 1200kcal a day so the prisoners don't have the energy for anything outside of their forced labour

[Anonymous No.15431816]

>>15429795
>what do we have to get up and do?
Hard labour my dude, 12 hours of it daily in complete silence

[Anonymous No.15431887]

>>15430884
Pretty sad life lmao

[Anonymous No.15431941]

>>15431816
I can see that, but I was just in county

[Anonymous No.15432074]

This thread is actually pretty fascinating because of the first hand accounts. Does jail/prison food give you a new perspective on food when you get out? Does the food in jail feel punitive? Or is it just a case of food that they can buy cheap and prepare fast?

[Anonymous No.15432121]

>>15430060
Not him but I did actual prison time and most of what you hear is just movies. There are so many willing faggots that rape is a non issue and nobody cares about child abusers. The gang violence and riots are real as shit though

[Anonymous No.15432155]

>>15432074
both times ive done extended stays in jails(never been to prison) it was somewhat revolting the first meal, acceptance that you have to eat the shit the next couple days, meh after that, then eventually found myself coming to crave at least certain meals. you get use to it, certainly never had anything so bad it changed my perspective on anything. everyones mileage will vary wildly on this it's very circumstantial thoguh

[Anonymous No.15432186]

>>15430654
DON'T FORGET TO THE BRING LUBE

[Anonymous No.15432314]

>>15428584
i never went to jail but i spent a few nights in a police cell and they gave me a microwavable curry with plastic cutlery and it was easily the worst curry i've ever had in my life. it was garbage. pure garbage. whenever i eat a really shit microwave curry i'm reminded of my stint.

[Anonymous No.15432325]

>>15429713
shut the fuck up you liar. you got that from top boy. you haven't got any friends mate.

[Anonymous No.15432334]

>>15430256
hahahahahahahahahahaha what a pussy ass bitch you are.

[Anonymous No.15432442]

>>15428584
County jail food is fucking terrible. Like school lunch food with all the seasoning rinsed off.
Prison food can actually be pretty good, school lunch quality or better. You don't get enough though.

[Anonymous No.15432457]

>>15428601
Tuna pack 3$
Ramen 40c

[Anonymous No.15432466]

>>15430884
Based

[Anonymous No.15432498]

>>15431796
What the fuck kind of gulag did they send you to, comrade?

[Anonymous No.15432514]

LENGTH WARNING

County Jail:
County jail was set up with 3 drinks. Tea, coffee, and orange juice.
Flavor mix was sold (cool off) on commissary.

Breakfast - usually an egg or two (save these for deviled eggs if you’d like, recipe at the bottom!) oatmeal, those cheap sausages, cheap biscuits and gravy mix.

Lunch - every Wednesday was bbQ sausage (inmates claimed the women’s side had to get the sausages pre cut)
Mostly chili Mac or Meat sauce pasta derivatives
Burgers on plain bread sometimes, best meal i had there was a chicken spaghetti with broccoli

Dinner - usually a variant of lunch, burgers on Friday, sometimes chili dogs

I ate mostly ramen spreads consisting of jalapeño cheddar squeeze cheese, chopped summer sausage or tuna pack, crushed hot corn chips, and chopped hot pickle.

STATE PRISON
Red spork alert
breakfast was early as fuck
Metallic pan crusted flat pancake things, rehydrated eggs, sausage.
We got kool aid or coffee

Lunch was decent, I can remember chili dogs with a bright orange sauce, and I was told we would have chicken quarters twice a month, but we only had it twice a fucking year.

Dinner was the same as lunch; which made me rely on more ramen spreads but with a waaaay better ingredient list.

Overall, best meal I had in either joint was a Cajun ramen pizza made in a trash bag with sloppy joe meat sauce on top, squeeze cheddar, crushed chips, chopped jalapeños and pickle.

[Anonymous No.15432517]

In jail, there was no milk. Just water and vitamin powder that tasted like blood once you mixed it up.

[Anonymous No.15432531]

>>15432514
I forgot my recipe.

Take your eggs, cut em in half, mix yolks with mayo packs, mustard packs, Italian dressing (gas station single pack kind)
Chopped hot pickle
CHILI RAMEN SEASONING

mix and sprinkle the ramen seasoning on top
Wala

[Anonymous No.15432533]

Might end up in county soon, should I just go and keep my head down and keep to myself or act crazy and try to bite and gouge someone's eye out?

[Anonymous No.15432539]

>>15432533
Wait in line for a bottom bunk unless you a bad bitch. Then take whatever you want.

[Anonymous No.15432541]

>>15430842
>>15430849
DUI is .08 Now I'm not saying that a completely drunk motherfucker isn't culpable for murdering someone, but that's a single fucking pint of good beer. MADD made DUI rules into a mockery.

[Anonymous No.15432545]

>>15432539
not the toughest but I dont mind bleeding and taking shots if I can get some in and do some damage esp biting being a dirty fuck

[Anonymous No.15432551]

If you never tried dried refried beans in your ramen, you’re missing out.
That and peanut butter. It’s like mole.

[Anonymous No.15432584]

>>15428584
Was in for a few weeks in Las Vegas because I fucked off my community service twice when I was 18 for a car accident where I didnt have a driver's license and insurance.
It was so bad I slept through breakfast the first couple days and would only eat the frozen peas and corn mix. Then this guy Chiva (not even memeing) said he'd give me a cigarette in exchange for lunch one day and I did it. Immediately regretted it and I shit you not I was so fucking hungry come dinner time that every day thereafter I woke up on time for breakfast which was soggy ass waffles, yet fucking delicious because I asjusted to the shit they serve.
>TLDR
It's as horrible as you can think, but you'll accept it after a few days of starving yourself and actually look forward to it

[Anonymous No.15432590]

>>15432541
.05 in Utah as of a couple years ago. Fine because I dont drink and drive, but that's pretty extreme

[Anonymous No.15432601]

>>15430836
Hard in burgerland

[Anonymous No.15432616]

>>15429795
>I dont get why they gave us coffee, what do we have to get up and do?
chemical dependence on caffeine.

[Anonymous No.15432623]

>>15432533
Lay low but accept the fact that some point some dude will likely try and get macho and punk you.

[Anonymous No.15432832]

>>15432533
If you don't want any trouble and just want to do your time. Mind your damn business and keep your mouth shut. Someone is going to eventually test you, the food sucks, and its boring as shit. Get out soon anon

[Anonymous No.15432946]

>>15432623
What does punk mean exactly, like hes going to test you? I'm assuming so he could steal from you in the future or whatever.

[Anonymous No.15432949]

>>15428584
better than public school food but still shit

[Anonymous No.15432962]

>>15428584
It’s pretty much what you’d expect. Shit. But when you’re in jail it’s great, no one wastes food. Funny part about the cuisine during my stay was what we got to drink. They just gave us a cup for sink water and a packet of kool-aid-ish stuff, but there was no flavor at all in either the orange or red “flavors.” It was effectively just packets of dye lol

[Anonymous No.15432969]

>>15428718
That’s not how things work lol

[Anonymous No.15432999]

>>15432541
realistically it should probably be .12-.15. anything below that isn't that bad, or at least it should be far less punitive. i get not wanting dudes rocked off their ass at .30+ on the road but you probably shouldn't be driving sober either if you can't drive at .10 safely

[Anonymous No.15433009]

>>15432074
Fuck yeah. I walked to McDonald’s a mile away when I got out of jail, where I got an employee to let me use her phone charger(the employee was also a highschool girl I went to school with before I graduated) and I called a friend to come pick me up and take me to get my car from the towing company while I ate my triple cheese burger. The first thing I had a new perspective on was the fresh air. Jail smells like homeless people and Clorox, as soon as the sliding electric front door of the jail opened I got hit with a massive waft of fresh air and it was like stepping into a new world.

[Anonymous No.15433012]

>>15428584
macaroni and cheese with a dollop of saltpeter

[Anonymous No.15433022]

>>15428584
Pretty shit

[Anonymous No.15433024]

>>15432314
>never went to jail
>spent a few nights in a police cell
You were incarcerated by definition anon. What the fuck is a “police cell” and how is that not jail? Sounds like some 3rd world judicial even more fucked than that of the US

[Anonymous No.15433027]

>>15428718
In what country do you live where they have pampered chef in jail?

[Anonymous No.15433028]

>>15432946
it means if you dont fight back you're a bitch. even if you get your ass kicked others with respect you, always fight back

[Anonymous No.15433033]

>>15433028
What is the endgame though? What can they gain from punking you

[Anonymous No.15433036]

>>15430163
I didn’t get no fuckin noon pie. They made us drink our water out of the baggie the sandwich came in too.

[Anonymous No.15433043]

>>15433033
you'll get more fights and people taking your shit and eventually raped most likely in a train since you're a bitch, savey?

[Anonymous No.15433049]

>>15432601
No, not really.

[Anonymous No.15433054]

>>15433043
I don't believe you because normies always think rape is a daily occurrence in prison.

[Anonymous No.15433060]

>>15433049
5% of the population has been incarcerated at some point, with the number rising every year.

[Anonymous No.15433068]

>>15432531
Actually sounds good

[Anonymous No.15433072]

>>15432533
If they ask if you want to work, say YES. Better food, treatment, and conditions.

[Anonymous No.15433101]

>>15433033
Lmao. Are you kidding me? What a retarded thing to ask. You’re locked in a building with a bunch of addicts, thieves, gang members, mentally ill, and generally fucked up people. It’s the fucking jungle and only the strong survive. If someone fucks with you and you don’t do something about it we call that a “lick” where I’m from, an easy lick. Which just means you can bully that person basically. You could steal their shit right in front of them and they won’t do anything because they’re a bitch. People will come to you “asking” you to do something for them, because they know you’re a bitch. You become an instant target for everyone in the entire building, including the staff who will gladly pick on you and treat you like extra shit if you let them.

[Anonymous No.15433104]

>>15433036
We actually got some dirty old plastic cups that we filled up ourselves with toilet sink water lol

[Anonymous No.15433125]

>>15429972
What it can't be as horrible as hospital food, personally I'd rather go to prison than spend days in a hospital eating that food.
Not a chance in hell I would ever go back to a hospital!

Prison food is pretty damn great

[Anonymous No.15433134]

>>15432946
Like he's going to get in your face and try and intimidate you into looking like a spineless bitch. Even if you know you're going to get your ass beat, that's better than getting a reputation as someone who gets walked on, because that just opens the doors for shiity treatment that will do nothing but likely escalate into worse as time goes on.
If you're going to jail, you likely won't get raped, but people will talk shit and I can promise you that their boys will try their best to make you look like a bitch every time they see you too. Fight back, fight dirty, and you might end up in solitary in jail which isn't like prison solitary in the movies. It's just extremely boring and an isolated cell without a mattress type thing or pillow case that you stuff tp into to create a pillow.
I cant speak for prison though. Havent been there thankfully but to be fair, people in jail that I knew that went to prison before said prison was better because you arent locked in your cell 22 hours a day. Not that it mattered to me because I was a kid and just stayed in my cell and read books.

[Anonymous No.15433140]

>>15428584
Kek, earlier in a thread about school lunches I posted that I went to jail once and it's frightening how much the food there reminded me of school lunch. It's edible but still awful.

[Anonymous No.15433169]

>>15433140
Also I was in jail for violating a Restraining order against a girl whom I made rape threats against. The prosecutor (who was fucking MARRIED to the police officer who handled my case) wanted my bail to be $25K but the magistrate set it to $200

[Anonymous No.15433178]

>>15428584

My county jail serves no meat, eggs or dariy, of any kind, no caffeinated products and nothing with added sugar. No sugar available to add to your food, no salt or pepper. No white bread. No extra condiments, (milk) is soy or almond type stuff. No tea or coffee. No cookies, pie, cake or ice cream. Place has no commissary, no outside food can be sent in. You eat what they "provide". Breakfast and Lunch are cold foods, Dinner is always a hot meal. Lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, can have as much fruit as you want to eat. Patted down leaving the mess hall, no food can leave. No exercise equipment, no weights, ball field, no running allowed outside, taken back inside if seen doing push ups, sit ups or jumping jacks. Mattress is 1 inch thick foam, no pillow, no sheets, 1 grey military type blanket, flip flops only. They do have a really good vegetarian meatloaf, it's really very good. Only upside, I lost a lot of weight and the staff have to eat the same food, they can not bring in any outside food. Hear the guards grumble all the time about no soda, coffee or energy drinks.

[Anonymous No.15433187]

>>15433169
Prosecutors can be just as crooked as sleazy defense attorneys like that guy in The Wire. At the end of the day, it's their job to get a conviction just like it's your attorneys job to get you off.
Public (free) attorneys really dont give a fuck in my experience they'll encourage you to take a plea even if you're completely innocent.
This is one major thing that bugs me with our legal system. It has very little to do with the implied racial bias in America, and basically boils down to how good of an attorney can you afford. Its 100% a classist system regardless of race.
Rich black people with rockstar attorneys are in a much better position to get off with an extremely lax sentence in comparison to a white guy who is broke and cant afford anl creap attorney even though he may be completely innocent

[Anonymous No.15433192]

>>15433104
Those toilet sinks were fucked up. Some greasy Mexican just serves up yesterday’s burritos and here I come for a lukewarm cup of upper-decker water. Fuck that place.

[Anonymous No.15433193]

>>15433178

Supposed to pay ex-wife child support. DNA tests prove the kids (3) aren't mine, my name on the birth certificate, biological father was deported, judge says "someone has to support these children", not me. So I get arrested regularly for not paying and for not working so they can garnish my check to pay her. Asked the court if I pay can I see the kids, "no, not your biological children, you have no right of contact". Will probably get convicted on Friday (again) and get another 6 months. (Court us closed Wednesday because of the Inauguration, courts and jail locked down, over a 1000 miles away and still locked up).

[Anonymous No.15433194]

>>15433125
t. Never been to county

[Anonymous No.15433198]

>>15433187
Yeah, her husband isn't even just a normal police officer, he's the fucking CHIEF of police, which is the highest rank in most towns. I have no idea how most people in my town are okay with it. Also, I did have a free attorney and I was lucky enough that he did care.

[Anonymous No.15433203]

>>15433193
Stay strong brother. Don’t raise another mans children.

[Anonymous No.15433207]

>>15433193
What the actual shit? Try and appeal it to a higher court. How is the judge that dumb? Do you have history with him or is your ex good at getting sympathy?

[Anonymous No.15433312]

>>15433194
Only been in solitary confinement but since the rest is supposed to be better I can't see why it wouldn't be just as great but I'm never going back to a hospital there were no nutrients whatsoever in that food

[Anonymous No.15433332]

>>15430884
>no officer I just shot in their general direction, the fact that it didn't hit them makes it fine

[Anonymous No.15434093]

>>15430960

>Britbong police sees people splashing hot sugarwater and acid in others faces
>"Carry on gents"

>Britbong police sees you with a plastic butterknife
>"Oi, do you have a loisence for that knife m8?"

[Anonymous No.15434119]

>>15432601

Or just stop being a nigger?

How is it that easy for people to wind up in prison? What did you even do?

[Anonymous No.15434128]

>>15433060
I won't be happy until that number reaches 13%

[Anonymous No.15434136]

>>15434093
t.breitbart

[Anonymous No.15434153]

[Anonymous No.15434170]

>>15432514
>(inmates claimed the women’s side had to get the sausages pre cut)
kek

[Anonymous No.15434180]

>>15428584
>tfw will never go to prison because of a food allergy that the prison system cannot possibly cater to
what crimes do i commit first

[Anonymous No.15434203]

>>15434180
Let us know how that excuse works.

[Anonymous No.15434225]

>>15434136
nigger

[Anonymous No.15434227]

>>15428584
>how is the food in jail?
The food probably didn't have a good lawyer.

[Anonymous No.15434241]

What's it like to shit in jail/prison?

[Anonymous No.15434248]

>>15428584
What have you done?

[Anonymous No.15434283]

>>15434227
kek

[Anonymous No.15434299]

>>15434203
as far as I can tell, if you have a legit diagnosed dietary restriction (which I do) you could either be put on a special diet or you might not have to go to prison at all since people don't want to deal with that shit

[Anonymous No.15434352]

>>15434299
I'm sure you'll go somewhere...

[Anonymous No.15434824]

>>15433192

[Anonymous No.15434848]

>>15428584
Depends on where it is, like >>15428596
Said there’s a lot of prison videos on YouTube but I’ve seen that Mexicans and blacks usually cook more ambitious meals. Tacos, burritos, chicken and broccoli. I’ve even seen one of them do a Chinese dinner. Idk how they get all the oil but they are some crafty fuckers

[Anonymous No.15434856]

>>15434241
You learn to courtesy flush if in a shared cell, cellies don't wanna smell your shit longer than necessary. And you hang a towel, sheet or shirt so they don't gotta watch you. If it's a communal open style toilet set like the army has, poop with one pant leg off so if anyone tries to jump you then you can still stand and fight rather then be tripped by pants around your ankles. No Peter gazing.

[Anonymous No.15434921]

>>15432325
What the fuck is top boy?
Sounds like gay porn.

[Anonymous No.15434944]

>>15432514
>inmates claimed the women’s side had to get the sausages pre cut
How fucking humiliating. And yet we let them vote lol wtf

[Anonymous No.15435016]

Oh I can help, I did 90 days in Federal for possession of MDMA and the food was really good actually, but Federal is also much nicer and for a "higher class" of criminal, whereas State is for lower class. Apparently the food in State fucking sucks.

[Anonymous No.15435034]

>>15435016
>for a "higher class" of criminal
does that mean less serious crime or what?

[Anonymous No.15435058]

>>15435034

Generally it means white collar crimes, the higher ranked people in criminal organizations, basically crimes committed against the USA as a whole rather than the State, who deals with things like beating your wife, low level gangbangers, etc. The typical "you know what" who you see getting arrested in the news.

[Anonymous No.15435092]

>>15432533
Don't act crazy, that's just asking for trouble. Be quiet but confident, defend yourself if needed but don't start fights.

[Anonymous No.15435172]

>>15433009
>I got hit with a massive waft of fresh air and it was like stepping into a new world
Such a good feeling. When I got out it was pouring rain and cold but it was like the most refreshing and crisp air I had ever breathed, felt like pic related.

[Anonymous No.15435223]

>>15433169
you deserved it you sick fuck

[Anonymous No.15435547]

>>15433024
jail and prison means the same thing in british english, so he was just in what americans call a "jail'

[Anonymous No.15435653]

>>15432533
just hide your powerlevel and try your best to agree with the globohomo cattle.

[Anonymous No.15435700]

Here's the fed prison menu:

https://www.bop.gov/foia/docs/fy_2020_national_menus.pdf

[Anonymous No.15435746]

>>15428600
damn, probably healthier to just not eat

[Anonymous No.15435895]

>>15429795
>I dont get why they gave us coffee, what do we have to get up and do?
Toss the salad

[Anonymous No.15435910]

loved it, they had a burrito option once a week, and it was bomb

[Anonymous No.15436121]

>>15434119
sodomy without consent and 1st degree aggravated assault on a female

[Anonymous No.15436338]

>>15429795
The coffee is to keep you regular, not much fiber in that menu so everyone must be constipated.
Constipation means less toilet paper to go through every day.

[Anonymous No.15436435]

>>15432074
They tend to get fat after getting out, with a higher rate of type 2 diabetes because they go for all the fast food and junk food. The bad caeteria food and commissary trash reward foods psychologically rewires many of them to have terrible diets for years afterwards. There have been some papers about it. US prisons are really shitty.

[Anonymous No.15436476]

>>15430052
>you have to eat it together with literal animals unfit for society

easy on the anti-orc rhetoric there

[Anonymous No.15436562]

>>15435700
They really make it sound delicious

[Anonymous No.15436581]

>>15433187
>Public (free) attorneys really dont give a fuck in my experience they'll encourage you to take a plea even if you're completely innocent.
They're always guilty.
t. interned with public defender office

[Anonymous No.15436639]

its about on par with inner city public school cafeteria food

[Anonymous No.15436832]

>>15433178
>No exercise equipment, no weights, ball field, no running allowed outside, taken back inside if seen doing push ups, sit ups or jumping jacks
Holy shit, what is their problem lmao

[Anonymous No.15436968]

>>15434299
Enjoy your special meal in solitary.

[Anonymous No.15437036]

>>15433009
>>15435172
Aren't you allowed outdoors occasionally? Yard time? Or is that just in prison, not jail?

[Anonymous No.15437060]

>>15433193
This can't be real.

[Anonymous No.15437091]

I'd say hospital food is a very light step above what they serve you in prison. I have a specific diet because my colon is buggered from heavy drinking, so I got the blandest, driest food I've ever had.

The good stuff comes from commissary. I used to make cookie and chocolate syrup "cakes" with honey buns and stuff and sell them for coffee/ciggies.

[Anonymous No.15437123]

>>15430645
>victimless crime.
Tell that to little kevin when he gets launched 12 feet in the air because you spaced out for a second.

[Anonymous No.15437131]

According to my sis you basically starve if you don’t have someone putting money in your account to buy ramen or cigs

[Anonymous No.15437143]

>>15430645
>victimless crime
you best be trolling

[Anonymous No.15437155]

>>15436581
Arent we all.

[Anonymous No.15437742]

>>15432498
Standard fare in Japanese prison.

[Anonymous No.15438046]

>>15433178
That actually does sound shitty if the food is that bad but what's with not having any weights of exercise equipment that doesn't sound good and it doesn't make any sense in taking someone inside because you decided to work out outside I mean wouldn't you have room to work out in your cell as well as a bed, chair or something similar to aid in that as well.

>>15434299
That sounds fishy as well as how hard could it be to get something like that diagnosed if one for some reason wanted to unless we are talking anaphylactic shock type allergy.

>>15435700
That does look like a pretty damn good menu to me, the only question is if you could choose your own servings if you happen to be a bit more or less hungry

>>15429795
>not drinking tea instead

Guessing the risks are that you might not have had that good routines since before you got there so if anything they are doing you a favor for when you leave but I get that it is annoying to be woken up by the door for dinner or evening fruit if you just managed to fall asleep

[Anonymous No.15439327]

>>15433101
Why are you a nigger?

[Anonymous No.15439343]

>>15431722
Got any stories to tell?

[Anonymous No.15439351]

>>15429972
>overboiled hotdogs over unwashed rice
>overthawed veg
>that nice bread from school, but without the cinny sugar
>dubious cornbread
>a ketchup packet
better than I would expect, but also, somehow worse.

[Anonymous No.15439368]

>>15434153
Very strange looking breadroll

[Anonymous No.15439415]

>>15439351
get lost rice washer

[Anonymous No.15439437]

>>15428654
>I only put three onions, three small onions paulie

[Anonymous No.15439443]

>>15430884
Well when you do hit something, I hope there isn't anyone else involved and it's just your life that gets ruined

[Anonymous No.15439447]

Can't speak for prison and not american either but salvation army homeless shelter had decent balanced meals 3 times a day and snacks like peanut butter/banana or ham sandwiches between. Around easter they had something like 8000 apple pies donated.
I only saw 1 alcoholic; and 1 other guy doing drugs. One guy did get murdered behind the building in the 2 weeks I spent there (wasn't reported).
People like to pretend homeless are mentally ill or on drugs (with what money?), so they can pretend they aren't going to end up there. But the reality is they aren't any different from the rest of the population. Employment was 50% before the holocough and is only going to decrease.

[Anonymous No.15439450]

Become a Jew and eat their kosher meals.

[Anonymous No.15439457]

Oh I forgot to mention they didn't have milk. They had soy milk. Makes a lot more sense now knowing it's to pacify them.

[Anonymous No.15439483]

>>15434227

[Anonymous No.15439516]

>>15435034
He has absolutely no fucking clue what he is talking about. He is lying. No one gets sent to federal prison for 90 days. Mdma is a state crime. Federal prison is for federally prosecuted crimes. Most of which involve multiple states, so the fbi takes over investigation. the rest are violations against the usa itself, but he is absolutely wrong again in his analysis. If you violated an indian treaty by digging up their land, that is a crime against the nation, not your state. If you bombed a federal building that is a crime against the nation, not your state. Mdma possession is a state crime. He is lying.

[Anonymous No.15439523]

>>15439450
Jews don't go to jail silly is against their religion

[Anonymous No.15439680]

>>15439516
Interstate drug trafficking is a thing

[Anonymous No.15439712]

>>15439680
Yes it is. Do you think he got 90 days for interstate drug trafficking?

[Anonymous No.15439715]

>>15439712
Also, keep in mind there is essentially no early release in federal prison. It happens to a few people, like the guy who dug up the best t rex skeleton ever found, but it is extremely rare.

[Anonymous No.15439742]

>>15439327
it's prison, 90% of people who end up there are sociopathic garbage.

[Anonymous No.15439747]

>>15439447
long-term homeless are mentally ill or on drugs. normal, sane people who become homeless don't stay homeless for long.

[Anonymous No.15439757]

>>15433169
>I was in jail for violating a Restraining order against a girl whom I made rape threats against
Based on so many levels

[Anonymous No.15439768]

>>15438046
>That sounds fishy as well as how hard could it be to get something like that diagnosed if one for some reason wanted to unless we are talking anaphylactic shock type allergy.
Some food allergies make people incredibly sick for days on end to the point they can't leave their bed. If I went to jail and they fed me food I can't eat, I would be too sick to receive punishment. I've heard if you don't have a diagnosis before going to jail, it's a crapshoot whether or not a doctor will test you and no telling how long it will take to get the results.

[Anonymous No.15439794]

>>15439768
You literally have no idea what you are talking about.

Jail is when lock you up before trial. Prison is when 12 of your peers have found you guilty. There is no one at the jail entrance who gives a flying fuck about your food alergies. It is essentialy a holding cell. If you arent poor and retarded the only thing you see is a holding cell. But if you are poor or retaeded you might have to spend some time there before trial. Some very low level criminals get to serve their time in jail because money and politics. But if you are convicted of a crime for the most part you go to prison. Which should be far worse, but is most of the times better. Because they are essentially being 10th grade teachers to a bunch of 30 year old criminals.

[Anonymous No.15439966]

>>15439768
Poor poor baby, I'm sure the warden will give you special attention, you deserve it.

[Anonymous No.15440183]

It's like American School food

[Anonymous No.15440405]

Are these really that popular in prisonn? and what do taste like?

[Anonymous No.15440585]

>>15435700
Damn, club fed menu looks pretty good.

[Anonymous No.15440623]

>>15433332
so we acknowledge that the time and place is the issue, not the shooting

[Anonymous No.15440641]

>>15440405
extremely popular
i guess the closes thing would be those voodoo chips?

[Anonymous No.15441374]

Has anybody here had Nutraloaf?

[Anonymous No.15441406]

>>15434093
I don't think there are many police in prisons, just prison guards, you fucking retard.

[Anonymous No.15441419]

>>15431722
FSP?

[Anonymous No.15441438]

>>15432541
Every time they ask if i want to make a donation towards MADD at the liquor store I say no thanks I'm for drunk driving.

[Anonymous No.15441455]

>>15441438
>Mothers Against Drunk Driving
>CEO is a man named Adam

[Anonymous No.15441505]

>>15434128
based

[Anonymous No.15441691]

>>15432541
Yep it's bullshit, my dui blew a 0.9. Got it dropped to a careless though

[Anonymous No.15441783]

Did a few jail weekends in county jail last year for a DUI (second offence). Honestly it wasn't that bad. Each meal always had a small carton of milk and a cup up water with a flavoring packed roughly the size of the salt/pepper packs included in to-go cutlery. Fair amount of pasta or macaroni salad with meat sauce for lunch/dinner. Basic bologna sandwiches with a packet of mustard, vegetable medley, stuff like that. It's roughly on par with elementary school lunches but it was semi-balanced.

Will admit they served some of the best cornbread I had ever eaten. Didn't bother with commissary so can't comment on that. The block I was in was effectively solitary so I doubt I could have gotten anything anyway.

[Anonymous No.15441918]

>living in a country with a bail system

[Anonymous No.15442188]

>>15440641
interesting, I am debating on buying them online since they sell them now.

[Anonymous No.15442327]

>>15441438
wow so hardcore and edgy

[Anonymous No.15442379]

>ITT: America is a shithole

[Anonymous No.15442404]

>>15442379
You're insecure, people that actually live in first world countries don't randomly go out and post statistics about how much of a dump Africa is. The whole rent-free thing is pathetically true about you.
t. Canadian

[Anonymous No.15442508]

>>15442404
>t. Canadian
stfu thirdie

[Anonymous No.15442513]

>>15442508
>Redd/int/ memes

[Anonymous No.15442578]

>>15442513
STFU THIRDIE

[Anonymous No.15442672]

>>15442379
because we have a system set in place by the FBI and Intelligence community that records literally every single crime ever put onto paper by any city officer or county sheriff? That's what makes us so fucking cool dooood
>https://www.fbi.gov/services/cjis/ucr

[Anonymous No.15442798]

>>15440183
Produced by the same company

[Anonymous No.15442955]

>>15430884
Get fucked you low class scum. I literally hate people like you, who think you are cool for A: Being an alcoholic (you're not, you're a tool for drinking an excess of one of the worst drugs from a side effect standpoint) and then you brag about it. Why don't you fucking do something constructive with your time instead of drinking, or is it, let me guess, a crutch because you are an inferior weakling who can't handle your first world problems? One day you're going to drink and you'll hit something. If if society is lucky, you'll sit the side of a wall, total your car, and you'll lose your legs. If society is unlikely and God is cruel, you'll hit a person and kill them. But you won't care. You'll justify it to yourself as some silly accident even as you get on the Prison bus.

[Anonymous No.15444405]

>>15439768
Ok that does sound bad but what kind of punishment are you talking about, the punishment is actually being there locked up and not being able to exit until the time is up so yes getting food you can't eat on top of that does sound way too bad

[Anonymous No.15445213]

>>15428584
>>15444444

[Anonymous No.15445228]

>>15434119
being white is a crime nowadays.

[Anonymous No.15445232]

>>15434225
>t. polfag
no please not the forbidden words

[Anonymous No.15445241]

>>15434921
how do you know what gay porn looks like

[Anonymous No.15445243]

>>15434921
how do you know what gay porn sounds like

[Anonymous No.15445281]

>>15445243
i watched some.

[Anonymous No.15445422]

>>15430645
>victimless crime

Like your suicide.

[Anonymous No.15445431]

>>15428584
Went in for a week because the judge wanted to "teach me a lesson". I lost several pounds in a week.
I would describe it as "edible". It will keep you alive but it is certainly aspect of punishment by itself. There was only one meal that tasted so bad I refused to eat it. It looked and smelled like baby vomit. The "juice" was watered down koolaid with no sugar. I would have rather had just water.

[Anonymous No.15445492]

>>15430965
It ahould be punished the same. your literally willing to kill someone when DUI, you just happen not to

[Anonymous No.15445511]

>>15445492
How is that different from not driving drunk?

[Anonymous No.15445520]

>>15445511
when youre not driving drunk, youre not drunk.

[Anonymous No.15445522]

>>15442955
I don't think any alcoholic thinks it's cool to be an alcoholic. I still think drunk driving laws are retarded, though.

[Anonymous No.15445546]

[Anonymous No.15445551]

>>15445520
I mean most people are willing to kill most other people at all times. You for example have no qualms about destroying uncounted lives for 'possible danger'. You are likely even gleeful about it.

[Anonymous No.15445552]

>>15428584
Is this the anon who asked for books on /lit/ because he was going to jail?

[Anonymous No.15445759]

>>15439343
My job was to deliver and do inventory on inmate canteens there and the first month being contracted I saw an inmate slam his head on the concrete shooting blood everywhere, tripping out after huffing bug spray apparently. Also the warden demanded we remove Flaming Hot Cheetos from the canteens just to fuck with the inmates since it was the best selling thing next to honeybuns.

[Anonymous No.15445770]

>>15428584
Free.

[Anonymous No.15445789]

>>15439712
Idk I'm a good guy

[Anonymous No.15445797]

>>15432541
>never been to Utah
>tfw .05

[Anonymous No.15445832]

>>15434227

[Anonymous No.15445903]

>>15445551
cry more faggot, you dont have a live to destroy

[Anonymous No.15445989]

Dunno how it is elsewhere but in Northern Europe I think it's literally made by the same companies that make school lunches. You get some kind of protein, some kind of starch and some kind of salad for every meal, plus bread and milk. Often the starch&protein would be combined since they served us a casserole or lasagna or something as the main dish but the salad was always separate. Sunday dinner was chicken&rice, that's the only consistent meal I remember, otherwise there didn't seem to be any kind of set menu. Pic related that I just found on google is a very accurate depiction of what typical dinners looked like. As for dessert, if there was any it would be a yogurt cup or a piece of fruit.