/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.14962447]

ITT: moments only people who make food will understand. I’ll start...

>You’re making food
>you drop the food

[Anonymous No.14962455]

>>14962447
>start boiling water
>gotta go poo
>come back to an empty pan

[Anonymous No.14962458]

>>14962447
You forgot the "RED" in front of the "ITT"

[Anonymous No.14962460]

>having sex with your friend's daughter and her best friend
>soup boils over

[Anonymous No.14962479]

>>14962455
>boil water
>accidentally tip over boiling pot of water
>get burnt

[Anonymous No.14962500]

>>14962447
>recipe calls for self raisin flour
>only have plain flour

[Anonymous No.14962510]

>>14962447
>dropping food
Are you a toddler or something?

[Anonymous No.14962512]

>knock knife off the counter
>leap backwards so your toes dont get cut

[Anonymous No.14962516]

>take hot pan out of oven with oven mit.
>forget handle is hot and grab it one min later

[Anonymous No.14962519]

>cooking with oil or butter
>gets popped

[Anonymous No.14962527]

>cooking eggs
>get small bit of shell in the pan

[Anonymous No.14962529]

>>14962447
>Chef is pouring vodka into pan over the stove
>Explosion!

[Anonymous No.14962541]

>cooking dish
>forgets an important ingredient

[Anonymous No.14962548]

>finish cooking
>forgot to salt

[Anonymous No.14962560]

>>14962447
>forget to order a 2nd mcdouble, plain

[Anonymous No.14962571]

>>14962447
>cooking food
>overcook it

[Anonymous No.14962572]

>>14962447
>cook food
>pan gets dirty

[Anonymous No.14962582]

>mixing dough
>be extremely careful not to wear it
>ends up wearing it.

[Anonymous No.14962801]

>get pan nice and hot with ingredients prepped and ready
>have to go help your disabled mom use her vibrator since your dad's out of town
>smoking pan sets off the fire alarm

[Anonymous No.14962828]

>cook the food
>kill the dog

every fuxking time

[Anonymous No.14962865]

>>14962447
>Use butter
>Realize it was margarine

[Anonymous No.14962879]

>realize you forgot to buy an ingredient
>get mcdonald's on the way back from store and don't even cook

[Anonymous No.14962887]

>make raisin cookies
>leave them on the counter for family to eat expecting choco chip
who else here /devilish/

[Anonymous No.14962916]

>>14962447
Honestly, it ruins my fucking day.
>spend an hour getting ingredients from stores
>get home
>looking forward to a nice dinner
>getting everything prepared
>takes like 30-40 minutes
>drop it all on the floor
>all that money gone to waste
>all that time gone to waste
>know that now I will be eating dry cereal or like rice and beans or some other poorfag shit that takes no time at all to make because I'm just fucking starving and depressed at that point
>entire day is ruined
>next day is depressive
>don't feel good again until like 2-3 days later

[Anonymous No.14962920]

>>14962455
Dude, it takes like 10 minutes before my water ever begins to simmer with my gas stove top on full blast. It would take like an hour or two for a full pot of water to evaporate. How long are your shits?

If your shits are taking more than 5-7 minutes you have issues.

[Anonymous No.14962929]

>>14962865
Mhhm I love my butter flavoured butter

[Anonymous No.14962942]

>>14962920
well I too use a gas stove but this usally happens when I'm heating up a small pan of water for tea/coffee/instant noodles.

[Anonymous No.14962945]

>>14962447
>chopping onions
>your eyes start burning

[Anonymous No.14962947]

>>14962942
You make tea and coffee with pan water?
Is the current year 1868?

[Anonymous No.14962953]

>>14962947
i like to live rustically, sue me

[Anonymous No.14962957]

>>14962953
What's your net worth?
Post pics for posterity.

[Anonymous No.14963000]

>>14962957
>what's your net worth
nothing but the property in my apartment
so like, $800 dollars or so worth of furniture, $200 dollars worth of cooking equipment, my 10 year old laptop, about $3000 in guitars and amps, my cat and all the booze/food in my fridge.
no i don't own the fridge

[Anonymous No.14963030]

>kitchen is too hot and you ruin your puff pastry

[Anonymous No.14963037]

>>14962953
hey stop stealing my conversation... even though you pretty much said what I was going to.
old school is best school.

[Anonymous No.14963053]

>cooking in kitchen
>legs hurt from standing
cooking is gay and i hate it. anyone else think cooking is retarded and sucks?

[Anonymous No.14963058]

>cleaning out the deep fryer
>burn the shit out of yourself

[Anonymous No.14963061]

>deliberately retarded thread
>gets a bunch of genuine yous
I knew /ck/ is low IQ but is it possible it was actually fully retarded the whole time? Holy fuck how irredeemably retarded is ck?

HAHAHAHA LOOK AT ALL THESE STUPID FUCKERS YOU'RE ALL SO FUCKING DUMB AND RETARDED

ahem, sorry, I meant to say; that feel when cooking food and it tasty am i rite? haha one of us one of us one of us we so good cookig haha

[Anonymous No.14963081]

>end of a 12 hour day, 3 hour rush
>still have to close

>dish bitch walks, middle of service
>have to clean dishes while you cook

>tickets all the way down the line and overflowing out of the printer
>turns out FOH sent in all orders at once

>customer orders a med rare steak
>complains it's pink in the middle

>no one did prep this morning
>have to prep during service

>KM didn't order enough CFS
>run out on the night that it's the special at 6PM

>FOH manager comes back to the kitchen to tell you how to arrange your stations
>change them back once he's gone because he's a fag

>cute servers all around you
>they're all under 18

[Anonymous No.14963083]

>>14963061
most threads on 4chan are deliberately retarded, often the best ones
sage

[Anonymous No.14963639]

>>14963061
>cooking food
>autistic brother shoves cinnamon stick up his urethra and starts screaming
>get blamed for his urinary tract infection

[Anonymous No.14963694]

>>14962447
> cook good food
> don't enjoy eating it

[Anonymous No.14963749]

>>14962500
>recipe calls for plain flour
>only have self raising

[Anonymous No.14963766]

>wash hands
>put chicken on chopping board
>wash hands
>cut up chicken
>wash hands
>put chicken in pan
>wash hands
>mix with spoon
>wash spoon
>wash hands
>serve food
>wash hands
>eat food
>wash hands
>clean up
>wash hands
>next day salmonella poisoning
why god

[Anonymous No.14963779]

>>14963061
>waiting for onion to caramelize
>spot anon who just doesn't "get" 4chan

[Anonymous No.14963787]

>it's another 'burned my forearm on the oven' episode

[Anonymous No.14963792]

>cook food
>not hungry anymore

[Anonymous No.14963797]

>>14962916
Fix your life

[Anonymous No.14963798]

>>14962447
>raping a child
>food needs to come out of the oven

[Anonymous No.14963802]

>>14962929
Jesus christ

[Anonymous No.14964048]

>>14962447
>Making something cooked slowly, like chili or red beans and rice
>taste for seasoning
>cant taste or smell a fucking thing because you've been in the kitchen for so long that your brain just shuts the smell out because its background noise at this point

[Anonymous No.14964060]

>>14962455
>take the pan off the heat
>go poo
>water still in pan

[Anonymous No.14964079]

>>14962500
Add some baking powder fren
go forth and conquer

[Anonymous No.14964094]

>>14964079
You also need cream of tantric

[Anonymous No.14964957]

>>14962458
kek

[Anonymous No.14964981]

>try to cook rice
>cooked too long and dry
>try again with less time
>cooked to short and watery
>go to Asian place
>perfect rice every time

[Anonymous No.14965089]

>get ingredients
>make halfway impressive dinner
>be proud for 15 minutes
>crushing despair returns

[Anonymous No.14965250]

>>14962945
I heard refrigerating them stops the burning

[Anonymous No.14965263]

>>14965250
How can I chop onions at all if my eyes are in the fridge?

[Anonymous No.14965276]

>>14965263
chop the onions while you're inside the fridge

[Anonymous No.14965280]

I lost my virginity inside a fridge to an older woman

[Anonymous No.14965331]

>>14965280
Betty Crocker?

[Anonymous No.14965335]

>>14962447

[Anonymous No.14965338]

>>14962447
>Seasoning food
>Drop the whole fucking bottle

[Anonymous No.14965340]

>>14962447
>Fucking 15 year old cousin in the mouth
>Pasta is overcooked

[Anonymous No.14965348]

>>14962447
>come to cooking board to learn about cooking
>only gay ass shitposts

[Anonymous No.14965353]

>take out a nice looking head of garlic
>pull out a fine, chunky clove
>it was merely pretending
>clove splits into 3 smaller cloves
>like a couple of kids sneaking into a theatre by stacking up under a trenchcoat
fuck you

[Anonymous No.14965360]

>>14965348
You are like a little baby retarded who goes to the buddha on mountaintop and does not understand his wisdom.

[Anonymous No.14965399]

>>14965331
Nah she was front of house. We were left alone one night at close and one thing led to my dick in her in the walk-in.

[Anonymous No.14965416]

>>14962920
Not him but I have a new gas stove and I run the tap hot before boiling the water, if I put it on full blast I get a rolling boil in under 5 minutes and actually have to be careful that I check back on it before most of the water boiled out

[Anonymous No.14966005]

>>14963766
grow an immune system haha can't handle a lil Samy nilla?

[Anonymous No.14966041]

>>14962887
If it's oatmeal, I'm down

[Anonymous No.14966048]

>>14962865
Why do you even buy margarine in the first place?

[Anonymous No.14966096]

>>14962920
>10 minutes before my water ever begins to simmer with my gas stove top on full blast
lmao why do people shill for the gas meme
an induction stove takes less than 15 seconds to go from 0 to boiling

[Anonymous No.14966119]

>>14963061
election tourist spotted
make sure to crop me for the iFunny post

[Anonymous No.14966129]

>>14962548
This, but unironically.

[Anonymous No.14966149]

>make a cup of instant ramen because i need something quick and i'm too lazy to cook
>the instant ramen is too hot to eat and i burn my tongue

[Anonymous No.14966165]

Been strung out on coke and rye whiskey for 2 days, get called in on your day off and eat shrooms cause your chef hasn't let you take a day off in 28 days. Go home and commit suicide. Lol

[Anonymous No.14966168]

>>14966096
I just built a house and did a gas stove and boiling water sucks. Takes a month. Also the smallest burner on the lowest setting eventually gets too hot for a low simmer. Im buying an induction burner and I wish I would have bought an induction stove. My last stove was a cheapo electric coil set up and I muched prefered it over this over rated peice of shit

[Anonymous No.14966177]

>>14962455
one of my roommates lit his old apartment on fire because he did this. he started boiling water and added oil (so the pasta doesn't stick) and then forgot it. the water all boiled away and the oil caught on fire

[Anonymous No.14966180]

>>14965416
>eating gross water heater water
enjoy your water heater water I guess

[Anonymous No.14966181]

>spend an hour learning and making a new dish
>it tastes like fucking shit
>eat it anyways because you are hungry and desperate

[Anonymous No.14966190]

>>14962548
you can just salt it at the table. it's better that way anyways

[Anonymous No.14966197]

>>14962929
I hate publix. I have said and always will say that this entire company is designed to scam old people. everything about it is designed to draw old people in and trick them.

[Anonymous No.14966210]

>chopping up jalapenos for guacomole. Dog asking to go out. Hold on I have to piss too. Half way around the block my dick feels like it caught fire. Do a tip toe jog home. Grab milk and goto bathroom sink and pour milk all over my junk until pain subsides

[Anonymous No.14966218]

>>14965416
I used to do that until I changed the heating element on an electric water heater. The inside of a water heater looks like an ancient ship wreck

[Anonymous No.14966226]

>>14963779
>waiting for onion to carmelize
>"mm smells so good anon what are you cooking?"

[Anonymous No.14966233]

>>14963081
I used to work at one place near some soccer fields and a college would do night games or some shit. the entire fucking team would come in for burgers like 40 minutes before close. I was used to closing down the make table 30 mins before close. this shit always put me behind like an hour it made me so fucking upset. I don't get pair any extra for staying over, it just fucks up my sleep

[Anonymous No.14966360]

>>14963787
I fucking hate cleaning the fryer. it's the only way I ever get burns

[Anonymous No.14966889]

>>14962447
>seasoning your dish
>it magically disappears

[Anonymous No.14967218]

>>14962447
I think even if you don't make food you could still understand how dropping some is bad

[Anonymous No.14967261]

>>14966165
anon no

[Anonymous No.14967263]

>>14966181

This shit is the worst when you are too poor to go out and get McDonalds or something. You have to sit there and eat your failure while being depressed about being poor.

[Anonymous No.14967267]

>>14963061 (You)

Are you drunk?

[Anonymous No.14967287]

>make food
>add bad ingredient
>food taste bad

[Anonymous No.14967341]

>>14965353
kek. Fuck when this happens

[Anonymous No.14967351]

>>14966165
wanna talk about it, anon?

[Anonymous No.14967377]

>>14963081
>load up the only oven full of orders
>check on orders after 15 mins of expo shouting at you
>oven went out 30 mins ago

[Anonymous No.14967400]

>>14966226
>oh but I don't like onion why don't you just cut that one ingredient

[Anonymous No.14967418]

>>14962447
>Making a bread recipe, following all the measurements.
>Mix it all, but the dough seems too dry.
>You pour more water.
>Now it's too flimsy.
>You drop a bit more of flour.
>Now it feels right, but it's too plain in flavor.
>Adding sugar and salt while you knead.
>You don't measure at this point.
>Just hoping for the best.
>You end up with a lot of dough.
>But you're a real tough 'ombre, so you'll bake it all.
>But it's taking too long to proof, beacuse you didn't add more yeast.
>After waiting for a long time you put the bread on the pre-heated oven.
>It won't go golden.
>You start to wonder if it is because of the extra size, because there's too much bread in the oven, or because of you tinkering with the recipe.
>Finally, you catch a glimpse of your reflection on the oven door, all sweaty and dazed.
>You get out of the kitchen.
>Minutes later, you decide to take it out.
>It's been 20 minutes more than the recipe sugested, so it's more than enough.
>You taste it after it cools down.
>It's hard, dry and tastes like nothing
>While you're sitting on the table, chewing on your work, you see something over your kitchen counter.
>It's the four eggs you were supposed to mix in, but forgot about them for some reason.

[Anonymous No.14967446]

>>14966165
based department, real cook hours

[Anonymous No.14967456]

>>14967263
this is a learning experience IMO, every fucked up thing you cook is a mistake you won't make next time. We can't live only by the word of the recipe.

[Anonymous No.14967477]

>>14967418
This is like the /ck/ version of an /x/ creepypasta. IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU

[Anonymous No.14967512]

>>14967400
fucking kill me

[Anonymous No.14967583]

>>14962447
>making fancy looking bread I saw online
>accidently place like 4 regular hairs and 3 pubes into it

[Anonymous No.14967645]

>>14967583
>use bread to make toast
>spread poop on the toast instead of butter by mistake

[Anonymous No.14967661]

>>14966177
What a fucking retard he was, adding oil to pasta. If you simply stir the pasta, it won't stick, adding oil is the last fucking thing on earth one could do.
And when it's slathered with oil, no sauce will stick to it.

[Anonymous No.14967664]

>>14962512
>Drop anything that's not sharp
>Put foot out to break it's fall

[Anonymous No.14967702]

>>14967218
This really is an experience unique to people who make food honestly. If you don’t make food and you drop food it’s nothing but if you make food and drop it it’s a big deal.

[Anonymous No.14967713]

>>14967664
>do this
>drop a knife
>try to break its fall reflexively
>sudden wave of cold hits you when you realize what you are doing but it's too late
>catch the knife between your toes

[Anonymous No.14967731]

>>14962828
I have gone through so many dogs and I swear I haven't even made one successful food

[Anonymous No.14967790]

>>14962929

>Contains: milk ingredient

What

[Anonymous No.14968483]

>>14962447
>make food
>add salt
>taste
>too much salt

[Anonymous No.14968488]

>>14968483

Just suck the salt out

[Anonymous No.14968500]

>>14968483
just add more food :^)

[Anonymous No.14968514]

>>14962920
my dad literally sits on the toilet for 20 minutes

[Anonymous No.14968522]

>>14962945
apparently theres science to putting them in the fridge, or soaking them
but honestly i find that opening a window works best, an air current blows away the vapors
or a fan

[Anonymous No.14968604]

>>14963766
>never washed hands when cooking/prepping chicken
>even have undercooked chicken on occasion
>never gotten a visit from ol' Sammy
I have come to the conclusion that Salmonella is a spook and doesn't actually exist and people with shitty immune systems made it up to make themselves feel better

[Anonymous No.14968614]

>>14968604
youve got won a fairly easy lottery
if the chicken is well sourced, and fresh, if youre a young and healthy person and you live in a clean house then you shouldnt get salmonella 999/1000 times

[Anonymous No.14968635]

>Cook and actually make something delicious
>Never able to replicate the dish because you were too dumb to write down any measurements and adjustments you made

[Anonymous No.14968659]

>>14962447
>finish your plate
>realize the stove is still on
>leftovers ruined

[Anonymous No.14968679]

>>14962447
>Be me
>Good at cooking for myself
>Make tacos
>They’re good
Every time.

[Anonymous No.14968683]

>>14968679
Gotta love some ground beef tacos

[Anonymous No.14968775]

>use blender
>shits leaking all over out of it
>check the base
>blend again still leaking
>hurry up and finish
>check blender vessel after done
>1 mm nick on base caused this massive mess on my counter

[Anonymous No.14969006]

>>14962920
>not using pre-boiled water

[Anonymous No.14969034]

>>14967661
dude he lit a pot of boiling water on fire and melted the vent hood. I think it goes without saying that he's a retard.

[Anonymous No.14969039]

>>14966197
I prefer Publix because it isn't gross like Walmart

[Anonymous No.14969051]

>>14969039
just don't shop there when you're old. they will try to trick you. also they have olive oil packets at the delifor sandwiches it's bretty great be sure to steal like half a handful every time you visit

[Anonymous No.14969241]

>>14966180
But boiling kills anything that might be in the water anyway.

[Anonymous No.14969326]

>>14963081
>>no one did prep this morning
>>have to prep during service

Bane of my goddamned existence. Morning crew where I work is supposed to prep shit every fucking morning and they rarely fucking do, and then myself and the evening crew get chastised for prepping minutes before service.

[Anonymous No.14969332]

>>14963081
>>no one did prep this morning
>>have to prep during service

Bane of my goddamned existence. Morning crew where I work is supposed to prep shit every fucking morning and they rarely fucking do, and then myself and the evening crew get chastised for prepping minutes before service.

[Anonymous No.14969337]

>>14969326
>>14969332
What the fuck I only posted once

[Anonymous No.14969387]

>>14968679
same but burritos

[Anonymous No.14969395]

>>14962447
I don't understand this, I'm not a chef. Why would you care if you dropped the food?

[Anonymous No.14969416]

>>14969337
Someone is pranking you.
The image file has double the size. It's not a glitch.

[Anonymous No.14969445]

>Only need to buy one thing for your dish you are cooking
>Come home with 2 big bags of groceries
>Forgot to buy that one thing

[Anonymous No.14969492]

>>14969241
>kills
It doesn’t kill ionized heavy metals

[Anonymous No.14969497]

>>14967418
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Anonymous No.14969699]

>>14969445
please stop talking about me

[Anonymous No.14969714]

>>14962447
>caramelizing onions
>still white
>still white
>still white
>turn away 1 millisecond to respond to a message
>burned to fucking ashes
There is a God and he is cruel

[Anonymous No.14969718]

>>14962516
blistered my entire fucking thumb doing this, heck of a peel couple days later

[Anonymous No.14969721]

>cook food
>it tastes bad

[Anonymous No.14969731]

>>14967418
>>14969445
Stop! I've read enough!