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/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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14950707 No.14950707 [Reply] [Original]

Well I’ve really done it this time. Don’t ask me how but about 25 of my coworkers are coming over Sunday for a bbq. And not that it matters but they’re almost all black. I talked myself up as a chef and so expectations will be high. I mean I’m decent but not sure they will enjoy my usual stuff, classical french and italian mostly. Need your advice /ck/ bros. I can’t back out now

>> No.14950715

>>14950707
OP you're a faggot.

>> No.14950730

>>14950707
If you're a chef just look into some recipes for popular black bbq/cookouts. I'm sure you can manage with a little direction.

>> No.14950743

inb4 someone gets shot at OPs BBQ

>> No.14950751

>>14950707
>but they’re almost all black
Oh no....

>> No.14950769

>>14950707

Easy, I got you man. Here's what you do:

Buy like eight racks of ribs, get a good simple rub, cover them with foil and bake them for three hours. You can do this the day before and then finish them on the grill (assuming you have one)

>J-kenji lopez Alts mac and cheese. Its just noodles, evaporated milk, and cheese. You have slim chance of fucking it up, adjust ingredients to scale of course.
>Jungle juice, but don't call it that.
>Fruit/greens? Your call.
>Blue cheese and bacon potato salad.

Thats all I got man, you gotta take it from here.

>> No.14950779

>>14950707
Hide the silverware and over spice everything.

>> No.14950797

>>14950707
>there almost all black
That's a good thing. All black people have a childs palate. Just shove shitloads of bbq sauce and ranch in your food and they'll think it's the best thing ever...

>> No.14950809

Blacks only eat very well done meat. If anything is red or pink theyll faint or hoop and hollar

>> No.14950817

>>14950707
Order fast food and disguise it as your own cooking

>> No.14950822

>>14950707
If you can slow cook (or ideally smoke) a pork shoulder you can make pulled pork sandwiches with an easy couple sides. Even if it sucks, it’s still pretty hard to fuck up to the point it tastes bad.
Black folks are usually very thankful when you cook for them, they’re not all savages like the children claim they are on here.
Don’t bring up politics, the election, or anything that could be uncomfortable. Keep some cold beer on ice and have a good time.

>> No.14950859

I really want ribs now. Never date a vegan guys

>> No.14950866

>>14950822
this, lol
no one is gonna complain about the food at a cookout unless there's not enough. It's more of a social event, not a fine dining experience. You could have store-bought everything and everyone will have a good time as long as there's beer.
Just get some sausages and pre-marinated ribs at your local grocery store and grill those up, and get some sides from the deli section.

>> No.14950887
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14950887

>>14950707
BBQ chicken is pretty easy and usually a hit with most any crowd

>>14950779
This. Never relax

>>14950769
>Blue cheese and bacon potato salad
Do blacks like blue cheese? I feel like they wouldn't

>> No.14950910

>>14950809
>hoop and holler
I hope not my neighborhood is pretty quiet

>> No.14950917

faggotized pasta

>> No.14950926

>>14950707
most average people are so bad at cooking or can't even cook at all, that they are extremely impressed by even mediocre home cooking. You'll be fine.

>> No.14950942

>>14950707
Make sure you wash all your meat, they have a weird thing about that.

>> No.14950965

>>14950910
It's their culture

>> No.14950990

>>14950769
Good post, thanks anon

>> No.14951001

>>14950707
smoke a pork shoulder/boston butt
make a ton of bbq sauce and get some rolls for pulled pork sangwidges

>> No.14951040

>>14950887

>do blacks like blue cheese?

This tbqh

>> No.14951052

>>14950910
always expect a dramatic chimpout when it comes to large groups of afro americans

>> No.14951059

>>14950910
The longer the party last the more likely this will happen. To a point of certainty

>> No.14951073
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14951073

>watching black people at the cookout
>intense fighting scene between protag and black grandpa
>slouch down on an overturned home depot bucket and yell, "YO, THIS NIGGA FINNA SEARED BITE"
>everyone laughs
>black guy sucks his ribs and says, "You aight, white boy"
>hear "He cute" from one of the girls

>> No.14951211

you should intentionally infect yourself with covid and make something really yummy

>> No.14951224

>>14950817
Delightfully Devilish

>> No.14951229

>>14950887
i dont know any blacks that like blue cheese, they like dipping their wings in ranch

>> No.14951244

>>14951229
blue cheese of course refers to fat white american woman with a stanky venereal disease

>> No.14951253

>>14950707
Plz for the love of God don't over cook everything you BBQ. Just a lil thing I've noticed about the black community and way way waaaay over cooking meat.

>> No.14951254

>>14951073
He cute

>> No.14951304
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14951304

>> No.14951323

>>14950707
Make sure to get some collard greens.

>> No.14951349

>>14950707
Roast some corn

Mix all the different flavors of grenade mashed potatoes together and say it's a family recipe

>> No.14951443

>>14951323
Collard greens are good even if there’s no cookout bbq.

>> No.14951518

>>14951349
Based

>> No.14951539

>>14951443
>[ ] relaxed
>[] not relaxed

>> No.14951547

>>14951539
Fuck, cheap ass bhutanese cd player repair forum can't support check marks

>> No.14951595
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14951595

>>14950707
Plant drugs on em then call the police. They're dangerous.

They must be contained.

>> No.14951651

>>14950769
>J-kenji lopez Alts mac and cheese. Its just noodles, evaporated milk, and cheese.

If there is no seasoning in that mac and cheese or any of your food your ass is toast.

>> No.14951654

>>14950797
They are Black, not White.

>> No.14951663

>>14950707
If this isn't some race bait thread they will prolly bring some things with them.

>> No.14951675

Just wait till after the election. Trump is going to have a hotline where you can call in a dronestrike on a BLM gathering.

>> No.14951704

>>14950715
Based yeah poster.

>> No.14951713

>>14951704
What's a yeah poster?

>> No.14951721
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14951721

>>14950707
Imagine giving a shit about their three-fifths of an opinion

>> No.14951724

>>14951713
Based yeah poster

>> No.14951727

>>14951304
This guy knows, mix up some daquiris too

>> No.14951733

>>14951721
that's some anthropomorphizing vegan libtard faggot bullshit...some animal can't be part human...it's like saying a dog has two-fifths of an opinion

>> No.14951740

>>14951724
Ok chud

>> No.14951802

>>14951704
Huh?
>>14951713
Huh?
>>14951724
Huh?
>>14951740
Huh?

>> No.14951844

>>14951663
yeah blunt wraps and they will be pissed to find out he got no trees

>> No.14951866

>>14950707
Given how black bbqs go your expectations are likely much higher than theirs. Make something that takes more effort than a boomer dad puts into his burgers and beans and you've already won. Make a selection of different kinds of kebab, make a side dish using summer squash cubed, seasoned, and cooked with olive oil.

Really the bar is lower than you probably think.

>> No.14951988

good luck op the only way to avoid a chimp out is a whole hog barbecue

>> No.14951995

>>14951651
echoing this anon, at least throw some ground black pepper and salt in there for taste and some basic bitch hot sauce (e.g. frank's red hot) for color

>> No.14952518
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14952518

>>14950707

>> No.14952557

>>14950707
pretty sure you're a faggot

>> No.14952678

>>14950769
Based. Could also throw some chicken in there.

>> No.14952781

why you wanna spent time with some niggers

>> No.14952823

>>14950707
as a white southerner who has been told I "cook like black people" you have this covered just fine especially with a french background. make a roux based mac and cheese and bake it. roast corn like other anon said. learn how southern green beans are prepared. cook meat like many others have said. add in some cornbread and potatoes or some other roasted vegetable. choose foods that keep well on warmers if you want to go further you could make any rice dish like jambalaya or paella. basically make sure you have 7 or 8 items so people can really load up their plates. make ribs or pulled pork and also throw chicken on the grill too. people will appreciate being able to have two different proteins and 3-4 sides of their choosing out of what's available.

>> No.14952832

>how do I smother meat in spices and leave it in a smoker for a couple of hours
even niggers can make BBQ, it's that easy.. when are we range banning american IPs from this board?

>> No.14952872

>>14952823
Based alabama or mississippi anon

>> No.14952875

>>14952823
This. Also OP should have the bbq by himself on Saturday until he gets his meat preparation flawless. He will be judged on the main course more than anything else.

>> No.14953165

>>14951349
>corn
Wouldn't that just get stuck in between all their teeth though?

>> No.14953177

>>14950707
lol only white person in this picture is a woman

>> No.14953195

>>14950707
> And not that it matters but they’re almost all black
You have to go back

>> No.14953197

>>14951663
Good point. OP should hire security at the door and install a metal detector fur dem gats un narkotiks n sheit.

>> No.14953200

>>14950707
Maybe you should just outsource your cooking to the homosexual bbq pit boys. I bet they like dark meat too.

>> No.14953254

>>14950707
just buy fried chicken and watermelon.

>> No.14953268

>>14950910
>I hope not my neighborhood is pretty quiet

it won't be when you bring 25 gang bangers in there

>> No.14953952

>>14950707
my go-to for large groups as you can make a day or two before, and just finish in the oven:

King Ranch Chicken
Serves 10 to 12
1/2 cup unsalted butter
1 yellow onion, chopped
1 red bell pepper, chopped
8 ounces button mushrooms, sliced
4 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon black pepper
1 cup all-purpose flour
3 1/2 cups chicken stock
1/2 cup heavy cream
3 mild green chiles, roasted, peeled (stems and seeds discarded), and diced
1 ten-ounce can Ro-Tel
18 corn tortillas
1 cooked chicken (poached or roasted), meat shredded
1 cup shredded Jack cheese
1 cup shredded cheddar
Melt the butter in a large sauté pan over medium heat. Add the vegetables and sauté on medium-low about 7 minutes. Stir in the chili powder, cayenne, salt, and pepper and cook for 1 minute. Sprinkle in flour, 1/2 cup at a time, and stir until the white is no longer visible. Whisk in 3 cups of the stock, 1 cup at a time, until smooth. Whisk in cream and stir in chiles and tomatoes.
Preheat the oven to 350. Grease a 9-by-13-inch baking dish with butter. Pour remaining 1/2 cup of stock into a bowl. Stack the tortillas in the bowl, 6 at a time, to moisten, then line the bottom of the pan with the tortillas, making sure they overlap each other by about one third. Cover the tortillas with half the sauce. Add half the chicken and sprinkle with a third of the cheese. Add a second layer of soaked tortillas, the remaining sauce and chicken, and another third of the cheese. Top with the remaining tortillas and cheese.

Bake for about an hour, until bubbling and lightly browned on top. Remove from the oven and let sit for 10 minutes before serving.

>> No.14953999

>>14953952
Thanks boss

>> No.14954028

>>14950707
Make jalapeño cream cheese corn anon. I bag of frozen corn or fresh equivalent volume. 1 stick cream cheese, 1 stick butter. A few jalapeños diced. Melt butter to fry jalapeños until fragrent, add corn, add cream cheese. That feeds about 6 white people so for 20 blacks multiply the recipe by 6.

>> No.14954211

>>14950707
Go for Cornell chicken


https:// ecommons(dot)cornell(dot)edu/handle/1813/2652

>> No.14954738

>>14951073
can you translate please?

>> No.14954749

>>14950707
>25 of my coworkers

YOU ARE BREAKING THE CORONAVIRUS SOCIAL DISTANCING RULES YOU MORON. BLACK PEOPLE ARE ALSO MORE LIKELY TO CONTRACT AND DIE FROM COVID19 TOO SO YOU ARE ENDANGERING THEIR HEALTH.

>> No.14954762

>>14950822
>>14950866
I mean it’s obvious if these people are his coworkers they aren’t just gonna walk in and go
>YO MUFUGGA WASSUP WEY ALL DA WYT BICHIS AT BIX NOOD HOLLA UP IN HE-AH!!!
And then stab him if his food tastes like shit but he still doesn’t want to look like a retarded faggot.

The reality of the situation, OP, is that they’ll all act very polite but as soon as you’re gone they’re gonna talk shit on your food to no end to save face because their food is worse.

>> No.14954772

>>14951073
>this nigga finna seared bite
This doesn’t even make sense in nigger slang, I’m not at all surprised they laughed, the funniest joke to a nigger is to surprise the listener with a complete nonsense statement.

>> No.14954785

Just cook whatever,

Americans regardless of race have very little idea of what is "good" or "bad" food. As long as you make something passable you'll be fine. Entertain them and try to impregnate the cute tight-ass black girl.

>> No.14954939

>>14954785
This is probably bait because I can’t imagine any europoor seething this hard over Americans. It was a nice attempt.

>> No.14954993

>>14950707
Ok my nigga this is what YOU MUST do.

First of all you need the damn basics for black people food at a bbq
Chips/soda (trust me nigga)
Then you need these main foods

Mac and cheese (can do classic french style but you better damn well make sure you dont add a cheese too funky to it and also oven back that shit with a shit load of cheese on top after because they wont take it any other way)
Potato salad (no fucking raisins or fruit in it)
Collard greens (make sure you buy a bottle of crystal hot sauce for this ro have on the side)
Glizzys(hot dogs because they are easy and good but also cuz niggas will be clowning about the glizzy challenge and itll be fun for them)
Ribs (DO NOT OVER COOK THEM BITCHES AND MAKE YOUR OWN BBQ SAUCE)
And finally brisket (slow cook that to perfection)

Optional is shrimp grilled or corn

Then for dessert have a sweet potato pie and a pumpkin pie. If you can make from scratch by all means do it. And get vanilla ice cream but not the fancy shit trust me

That's it man
I would know I'm half black

>> No.14955003

>>14954993
Also wings or chicken leg thigh quarters. Your choice

>> No.14955101

>>14954993
>Potato salad (no fucking raisins or fruit in it)
What kind of absolute asshole puts raisins or fruit in potato salad

>> No.14955115

>>14955101
Worst I've ever seen was one time at a potluck the potato salad had grapes in it, literally a quarter of the total salad was just mashed in grapes.

>> No.14955281

>>14950707
So burgers, dogs with some mac done home style with garlic wedge potatoes?
Then just let ppl bring there own shit they want

>> No.14955316

>>14955101
Whites

>> No.14955319

>>14950707
I’ve cooked at a few black bbqs, they just season everything with chef Tony’s, slap ya momma, or some other seasoned salt. They just marinate their chicken in Italian dressing like every white persona I’ve ever met. If you wanna blow their little chimp minds marinate your chicken in jalapeño juice for a few hours and season and season it with black pepper and garlic powder and a little bit of salt. Also cook to 165 instead of burning it to a dry crisp like they tend too.

>> No.14955331

I'm not seeing anywhere near enough racial slurs in this thread.

>> No.14955349
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14955349

>> No.14955383

>>14955331
Go away, you bore.

>> No.14955614

>>14950910
Not right now it isn't.

>> No.14955626

>>14951654
>no you

>> No.14955629

You should have cornbread and/or sliced white bread. Potato salad is a must. Easy cheater bbq sauce: Pick any 3 bottles of different bbq sauce flavors, add 1 jalapeno and about 1/4 cup honey, mix and simmer to blend flavors. Also, splurge on some top quality spicy hot links.

>> No.14955644

>>14950707
Get a huge flash fryer and fry a bunch of chicken.

>> No.14955747

>>14955331
Since this is a blue board they're nuanced, but they are there.

>> No.14955784
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14955784

>>14954993
>Half black

>> No.14955981

>>14955349
Mmm

>> No.14956134

>>14950707
I know this is the Internet, but is there any chance we get an update from OP on how this goes tomorrow?

>> No.14957109

>>14956134
We must keep this thread alive. I have to know what happens.

>> No.14957299

>>14950707
buy chains and collars for all of them and gold ones for the best nigger. enjoy your grits and aggravated assaults