/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.14887008]

I picked a bowl of apples from the tree in the yard and now it’s time to dust off a recipe from my childhood

[Anonymous No.14887026]

>>14887008
Looks like an entire bowl of bad apples wow

[Anonymous No.14887035]

we’ll let the time-saver handle the crust

[Anonymous No.14887061]

I'm not sure you can really call an uncle's knuckle going up your chute a recipe.

[Anonymous No.14887062]

the recipe is cryptic at best
my mum gave me three different apple recipes from her recipe box and this one seemed like the closest match with the one I remember

[Anonymous No.14887097]

>>14887008
Those apples look like a gnorcs ass m8

Also, if you got em from your yard, just know worms live in those.

>>14887062
Well what are you making? Buttered apples? Broiled apples? Breaded apples? Apple soufle?

[Anonymous No.14887110]

>>14887097
I am making a traditional meal my babushka taught me after the war. Stewed apples with prune wine. I have already caught and butchered the required meat.

Also I should mention, I do NOT want white people in my thread.

[Anonymous No.14887112]

>>14887097
these are by far not the ugliest apples I’ve ever cooked with, they are tasty though
if you should be squeamish about bugs on or in your produce, I don’t really think there’s much help for you

[Anonymous No.14887115]

>>14887008
Post onion gent now, faggot.

[Anonymous No.14887123]

almost immediately we will be deviating from the formula as I have a strong aversion to margarine

[Anonymous No.14887128]

>>14887115
sorry to report, onion gent has passed away due to popular demand

[Anonymous No.14887138]

>>14887123
apart from that, there is no dish that cannot be improved by the addition of butter & lard

[Anonymous No.14887144]

>>14887138
for example, last week I added a healthy KNOB of lard to my own private regions, to encourage my dog Snappy.

[Anonymous No.14887147]

>>14887128
>popular demand

You mean that one retard who didn’t like you tagging your pictures? Whatever, looks like we’re getting comfy anyway. Carry on, sir.

[Anonymous No.14887167]

>>14887144
charming
>>14887147
the loudest and most negative voices are usually heard the most clearly
this time I’m hoping we’re in for a battle about how manky my apples look, but the thread is still young so only time will tell

[Anonymous No.14887190]

>>14887167
You might be waiting a while, most of the slobs on this board will be deterred by the fact that there’s fruit in the OP.

[Anonymous No.14887197]

>>14887190
valid

[Anonymous No.14887209]

>>14887144
what about the smell

[Anonymous No.14887224]

**I measure out the water and then add ice cubes to keep it cold

[Anonymous No.14887253]

don’t forget add salt to your crust!

[Anonymous No.14887266]

>>14887253
Didn't knew you also had La Baleine salt in the US.

[Anonymous No.14887279]

>>14887266
certainly my preferred table & baking salt

[Anonymous No.14887320]

the recipe listed BP as an ingredient, with no amount given
it shouldn’t cause much harm to add a little baking powder, also a touch of table sugar tends to improve most crusts

[Anonymous No.14887345]

>>14887035
lucky you
>>14887110
sorry I'll leave I didn't know you were brown

[Anonymous No.14887358]

>>14887345
surely your smart enough to know that I only ever reply with an image
and yeah the beloved robot is a godsend in times like these

[Anonymous No.14887402]

when the fats are adequately rubbed with the flour slowly add the water

[Anonymous No.14887452]

and it will start to look like dough

[Anonymous No.14887493]

>>14887128
May he rest peacefully

[Anonymous No.14887495]

transfer the dough to the counter and add some flour, if necessary

[Anonymous No.14887504]

>>14887493
there’s probably enough various food mascots out there that we could have an anthropomorphic food thread at some point
maybe the poor onion bloke would find people who care about him there

[Anonymous No.14887530]

divide the dough into 2 equally-sized pieces
get the scale involved if you wanna be precise about it

[Anonymous No.14887546]

bundle the dough in plastic and place it safely in the freezer for a bit while the oven heats up, gas mark 6 if you’re following along at home

[Anonymous No.14887558]

and while you’re mucking about in the freezer, pull out the streusel topping you keep squirreled away for occasions such as these

[Anonymous No.14887569]

>>14887558
how much money would it cost to get these equipment items especially that steel mixing thing whatever it is

[Anonymous No.14887597]

>>14887569
More than you can afford, pal.

[Anonymous No.14887632]

>>14887569
the R2N dice with stainless bowl is about $1800, with clear or grey polycarbonate bowl is about $200 less
or you can build your own from a (slightly cheaper, and not as tall) 100 series, and get a stainless bowl for it but you have to use the clear polycarbonate bowl it comes with to slice and shred and the dice attachment isn’t compatible with the 100 series

[Anonymous No.14887646]

we’ll leave the robot parts for the scullery maid to deal with

[Anonymous No.14887661]

>>14887632
Out of everything in you’re kitchen, I think I’m the most jealous of that Vienna beef poster

[Anonymous No.14887675]

>>14887661
you’re right to feel that way I believe it’s out of print now and they sell for way too much money on ebay

[Anonymous No.14887699]

>>14887675
At least a hundred bucks of flea bay, last I looked. Kinda hard to justify for an old grease stained poster. And Vienna won’t give me one unless I open a fucking hotdog stand.

[Anonymous No.14887725]

>>14887699
I got mine at the factory store for $5 about 20 years ago
I’ve got the maxwell street one too and cheli’s chili, even though he’s wearing a wangs sweater on it with the logo airbrushed out because licensing
always wanted to get that fucker to sign it for me

[Anonymous No.14887746]

>>14887008
>>14887110
>Negroes actually eat apples that look like that

[Anonymous No.14887753]

>>14887725
Absolutely fucking based. I was thinking about stopping by the factory store next time I’m in the area, but I think it’ll be a long shot. At least I can get a dog though.

[Anonymous No.14887771]

so I kinda miss my prep table right now this is where I’d normally roll out the dough

[Anonymous No.14887786]

we’ll put apple prep over at station zero...

[Anonymous No.14887792]

>>14887008
Those are clearly pears

[Anonymous No.14887793]

...and roll the dough on the multipurpose counter where I’d normally do the apples

[Anonymous No.14887803]

>>14887008
Bro, I don't know how else to tell you this, but there is something wrong with you ap--actually, never mind, enjoy!

[Anonymous No.14887808]

>>14887632
how do you afford it all bro?

[Anonymous No.14887813]

>>14887792
I see you’ve played appy perry before

[Anonymous No.14887831]

>>14887808
wise investments, good pensions, and no fucking kids

[Anonymous No.14887838]

>>14887771
What are your plans for the empty space?

[Anonymous No.14887849]

>>14887838
well obviously there’s cabinets there now and good things are going to happen inside
it’s my hope that the stainless countertop will show up from the fab shop this week

[Anonymous No.14887877]

I can roll out perfect circles with ease but rectangles are always a struggle
I’m gonna put a few turns in this to perhaps encourage flakiness, also to practice rectangular rolling

[Anonymous No.14887891]

adequate

[Anonymous No.14887898]

anon, I'm waiting for you to start working on the apples.
hurry!

[Anonymous No.14887906]

>>14887898
we’re almost there I promise I just need this to fit comfortably into the pan

[Anonymous No.14887907]

where's the dragon dildo

[Anonymous No.14887920]

like a motherfucking glove

[Anonymous No.14887936]

never one to disappoint, we will now commence the apples

[Anonymous No.14887951]

I’m sure my buddy Alton would call this a unitasker but I call it another time saver

[Anonymous No.14888006]

not even the robot can peel, core, and slice an apple this quickly

[Anonymous No.14888042]

>>14888006
The chad antique vs the virgin robot

[Anonymous No.14888052]

must work quickly now or the lemon juice fags will show up to shame my technique

[Anonymous No.14888054]

Where are pictures of your cat and cheap alcohol you can't have an autistic white trash cooking thread without a cat and cheap alcohol

[Anonymous No.14888064]

>>14888054
"fuck off man im tryna watch this guy fuck up a bowl of apples"

[Anonymous No.14888065]

calvados, sugar, flour, cinnamon, salt & vanilla

[Anonymous No.14888066]

>>14888054

[Anonymous No.14888083]

>>14887699
just go to ups and print one for like $2 lmao

[Anonymous No.14888095]

>>14888083
do you buy your dvds in chinatown too?

[Anonymous No.14888103]

>>14888095
no i don't collect plastic garbage

[Anonymous No.14888118]

>>14888083
>>14888095
you got me thinking i might do just that and sell them on ebay for $90

[Anonymous No.14888120]

spread the apple mess evenly and dot with butter

[Anonymous No.14888132]

oven’s good and hot let’s get the upper crust rolled out

[Anonymous No.14888137]

>>14888083
It’s not the same man, I don’t expect you to understand.

[Anonymous No.14888142]

stab at the crust to vent

[Anonymous No.14888145]

>>14888142
make sure to use an egg wash before you sprinkle with granulates sugar

[Anonymous No.14888150]

>>14888145
no way man
streusel topping all the way

[Anonymous No.14888156]

>>14888137
it's not like it's high end lithography, you probably wouldn't even be able to recognize a fake if it was done half decently
who's to say the ones for sale on ebay right now are "authentic"

[Anonymous No.14888162]

>>14888156
just set it as the desktop on your computer it’ll be good enough

[Anonymous No.14888180]

>>14888156
You’re not wrong. But I’ll always know, and that’s enough for me.

[Anonymous No.14888225]

save the remaining streusel topping for the next endeavor

[Anonymous No.14888281]

>>14888162
i don't actually care about regional hotdog advertisements i was just trying to help anon out

[Anonymous No.14888288]

so after 10 minutes I’m to drop the temperature down to 325 and keep going for another 10-20
but I’ve done enough baking to know that won’t be long enough

[Anonymous No.14888314]

>>14888281
I can entirely sympathize with his sentiment
I have a collection of advertising paraphernalia that makes beige anything you’ve seen in my kitchen

[Anonymous No.14888334]

>>14888281
I appreciate it buddy, and I wasn’t being facetious when I said you wouldn’t understand. But if you didn’t grow up seeing that poster on every hotdog stand and greasy spoon in the suburbs, you probably won’t understand.

[Anonymous No.14888344]

so while the apple whateverthefuckthatthingintheovenis is baking, start working on a simple icing

[Anonymous No.14888369]

like margarine, I’ve a strong aversion to corn syrup
but good british golden syrup is quite lovely stuff

[Anonymous No.14888426]

luckily the sous vide is running so there’s no need to fuss with a double boiler if you can be creative with your clips

[Anonymous No.14888480]

after another 10 minutes the apple bake is still looking pale and sickly

[Anonymous No.14888490]

>>14888426
What’s the main course for tonight?

[Anonymous No.14888506]

>>14888490
there’s smoked pulled pork reheating in there
but we’ve options for the starch including pumpkins...

[Anonymous No.14888513]

>>14888506
...sweet potato

[Anonymous No.14888534]

>>14888513
...or acorn squash from the garden
(pay little mind to the doctor hanging out there, it has a crucial task in my kitchen totally unrelated to drinking and I buy it when it’s on special)

[Anonymous No.14888577]

>>14888506
Pumpkin or squash get my vote.

>>14888534
Based bourbon county and Matilda. But what’s the dp for? Marinade or some shit? Seems a little lowbrow for your kitchen.

[Anonymous No.14888579]

but back to the frosting

[Anonymous No.14888590]

>>14888577
dr pepper is my secret weapon in the smoker
I fill the steam pan with it, but it never actually touches the meat

[Anonymous No.14888621]

pour the hot wet mixture into the caster sugar and stir well to get it corporated

[Anonymous No.14888638]

if I were showing off I’d have sifted the sugar but it’s rather unnecessary for such a small batch of icing if you’re not bothered by stirring well

[Anonymous No.14888677]

adjust the icing to satisfactory consistency

[Anonymous No.14888697]

>>14888590
Smart. I’m going to give that a try.

[Anonymous No.14888714]

>>14888697
I started doing that because cook’s illustrated demystified the beer can chicken and I believe they settled on coca cola being the preferred can to shove in your chicken
I was drinking a lot of dr pepper in those days and went there with it and I’ve never looked back

[Anonymous No.14888764]

while that damn thing bakes for yet another 10 minutes, we’ll prep the pumpkin for baking

[Anonymous No.14888782]

>>14888714
Nice. I’ve seen soda used in smoking before, but usually in more nausea inducing ways. Got a preferred smoking wood?

[Anonymous No.14888806]

>>14888782
depends on the meat
apple for pork usually, mesquite or pecan for beef
I’m really trying to learn to like hickory, and I think my problem lies in all the hickory smoked meats at bbq restaurants that are serving dried out meat that everyone waits on line for and raves about...the flavor just reminds me of dried out meat

[Anonymous No.14888835]

>>14887008
thank you for being a normal person and cooking something OP

[Anonymous No.14888845]

so 40 minutes later
I was probably a trifle hasty in dialing down the oven temperature, should have gone with my instincts
I’m also questioning why I didn’t place the pan directly on the stone in the oven like I do for pies, but the filling in this isn’t too thick so it should be okay I hope

[Anonymous No.14888849]

>>14888835
I appreciate the positive feedback, although the negative feedback usually makes me laugh harder

[Anonymous No.14888937]

>>14887062
for me it's the french apple cake recipe from the onceuponachef website except add more apples and twice the rum

[Anonymous No.14888976]

>>14888937
for me it’s a classic tarte tatin, but I was feeling nostalgic for this bake
and granny smiths aren’t my favorite in a tarte tatin

[Anonymous No.14888984]

sweet peppers were on special so side work tonight is roasting capsicum

[Anonymous No.14889036]

call me an elitist, but if a pepper has skin on it it’s not worthy to eat

[Anonymous No.14889062]

>>14887026
>>14887097
>>14887746
>>14887803
>stupid city retards screeching over a REAL apple and not one that was sprayed with a thousand chemicals and coated in a kilometre of wax
have fun with your visually perfect lumps of cancer

[Anonymous No.14889072]

>>14889062
u mad

[Anonymous No.14889078]

>>14889072
he may be but he’s not wrong

[Anonymous No.14889088]

>>14889078
so that's how black pepper is made

[Anonymous No.14889100]

>>14889078
cool story, loser. go back to shitposting your gutter-tier food all day.

[Anonymous No.14889107]

so there’s like a perfect temperature to drizzle frosting where the crumb is not too hot but still warm enough to keep the icing soft, but then slightly harden as everything cools
this becomes more important when frosting things like loaves
if you miss that window the alternative is to make a frosting that’s firm at room temperature and can be softened by heating before pouring

[Anonymous No.14889134]

>>14889100
>unironically shit posting while calling in on topic thread shit posting

[Anonymous No.14889145]

>>14889134
>>14889100
girls, girls...you’re both faggots

[Anonymous No.14889149]

>>14889100
at least hes posting OC

kys you roodypoo

[Anonymous No.14889152]

>>14889145
We’re all faggots here, bud.

[Anonymous No.14889166]

so the pumpkin is still working and the peppers are still cooling/steaming
we’ll give the robot one more task

[Anonymous No.14889208]

most meals are improved by the addition of cheese

[Anonymous No.14889211]

>>14887646
Not cool.
>>14889145
Looked better without the icing.

[Anonymous No.14889220]

little robot makes quick work of the cheese

[Anonymous No.14889250]

>>14889211
yeah but...I’m the scullery maid in addition to being the chef de cuisine
I wear many hats, and the apple bars now wear frosting so deal with it

[Anonymous No.14889270]

now we get everything we need to assemble these pulled pork casseroles

[Anonymous No.14889284]

clockwise from the top left:
caramelized onions, habanero sauce, the cheese from previous replies, some curds because why not, barbecue sauce, the left half of the pumpkin, and the right half of the pumpkin
we will also need a medium-sized mixing bowl

[Anonymous No.14889304]

deglove the pumpkin into the bowl and season to taste
a few drops of wooster, squirt of sriracha, a pinch of dry sage, and some white pepper might be appropriate

[Anonymous No.14889325]

line the baking dishes with the pumpkin mash and then set out to adjust flavor on the pork
you may use the same bowl to save from washing more dishes later

[Anonymous No.14889347]

maybe a few crispy onions on the mash
the pork should like a good splash of barbecue sauce and some spicy sauce to your desired level of heat

[Anonymous No.14889381]

try and fit as much pork as you can in there but it’s okay to have some left so you can have something to snack on for breakfast tomorrow

[Anonymous No.14889418]

and then add the caramelized onions
it will be time to make another batch soon, they’re extremely delicious to have on hand

[Anonymous No.14889457]

top everything with cheese and load it into the oven

[Anonymous No.14889539]

>>14889418
How long does that batch of onions last?

[Anonymous No.14889586]

>>14889284
Cheese, pumpkin and barbecue sauce sounds like a terrible combination.

[Anonymous No.14889630]

>>14887167
Just give me that butter and lard with a slight dusting of sugar

[Anonymous No.14889637]

while dinner cooks, unwrap the peppers and rinse away the charred skin

[Anonymous No.14889655]

>>14888066
I want to taste her butthole

[Anonymous No.14889688]

>>14889539
a week or two depending how fast you use them

[Anonymous No.14889698]

cut the lids off off the peppers and throw out the seeds

[Anonymous No.14889721]

and slice to your liking

[Anonymous No.14889763]

season and toss with a quality vinegar

[Anonymous No.14889787]

meanwhile, dinner is ready from the oven

[Anonymous No.14889797]

>>14889630
here you go, pal

[Anonymous No.14889832]

>>14889250
>the apple bars now wear frosting so deal with it
Did my comment hurt you ? We both know next time there will be no frosting.

[Anonymous No.14889842]

>>14889832
yeah cause I'll be shooting the frosting up your ass

[Anonymous No.14889879]

>>14889797
Fuck that looks good

[Anonymous No.14889982]

>>14889787
>>14889797

[Anonymous No.14890032]

>>14889842
Learn to accept criticism.

[Anonymous No.14890065]

>>14890032
I'm not even OP
I'm just gonna fuck your ass

[Anonymous No.14890103]

>>14889797
wow holy fuck

[Anonymous No.14890109]

>>14889637
Sharpen your knives faggot

[Anonymous No.14890157]

based thread 10/10 OP

[Anonymous No.14890174]

>>14889832
there will always be frosting

[Anonymous No.14890500]

>>14890065
can I be next?

[Anonymous No.14890550]

thanks for the good thread op

[Anonymous No.14890634]

>>14888984
>>14889036
mmm i can taste the cooking fuel

[Anonymous No.14890814]

>>14889797
>>14889787
>>14889763
thx bb

[Anonymous No.14890832]

>>14887026
Kys

[Anonymous No.14891382]

>>14889586
Depends on the sauce I’m sure but cheese goes with everything

[Anonymous No.14892881]

>>14887266
>>14887279
what’s so special about salt?