/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.14535861]

What's your worst kitchen blunder? No faggot shit either. I mean chopping fingers off and oil burns, stuff like that.

[Anonymous No.14535873]

>>14535861
Me on the right.

[Anonymous No.14535874]

>>14535861
I have never chopped a finger off, thank you very much, but one of my dad's employees once grated her knuckles on a metal box grater white grating a block of parmesan. It was a shame because we had to throw it all away due to the blood.

[Anonymous No.14535878]

>>14535861
That girl is hot af

[Anonymous No.14535885]

>>14535861
I burt my veggies once.

[Anonymous No.14535893]

i passed out drunk with a pizza in the oven and burned the whole apartment out. took 6 months to make it habitable again, the landlord was such a little bitch about it too

[Anonymous No.14535905]

>>14535861
Post moar pics of that gril

[Anonymous No.14535925]

cleaned the stove forgetting it was still hot and burnt my palm

[Anonymous No.14535939]

>>14535878
She gives terrible stumpjobs.

[Anonymous No.14535950]

When I was little I was at my grandmother's house and I brushed my arm on the oven by accident and it burned me, and she was so mad she broke a ladle on my back. That was a bad day

[Anonymous No.14535962]

>>14535861
why do black girls who race mix always go for the most SOY looking whites?

[Anonymous No.14535989]

>>14535950
your grandma sounds like a dick

[Anonymous No.14535998]

>>14535989
In America it's common to beat children. It's a backwards mentality.

[Anonymous No.14536003]

>>14535998
rent free

[Anonymous No.14536006]

>>14535989
i was staying there because my parents were getting divorced

[Anonymous No.14536011]

>>14535998
ladle anon is obviously some kind of eastern european. its taboo in america to beat your children (if you're white)

[Anonymous No.14536015]

>>14535962
Same reason white chicks who go for black dudes date the ugliest black dudes.

Anyway to stay on topic, I cut the tip of my thumb off trying to cut bell peppers while drunk on webcam.

[Anonymous No.14536028]

>>14535950
why are old people so eager to hurt kids lmao
always hear stories like this, like nearly getting hit by a car so you get beaten by grandma, or you get your finger slammed in the car door so you get beaten by grandma.

[Anonymous No.14536036]

>>14535861
Once i spilled some spaghetti sauce on the floor and ended up accidentally my sister
happens pretty regularly these days

[Anonymous No.14536069]

went to slice open a pack of meat and cut my hand my like a retard

[Anonymous No.14536397]

Grabbing a saute pan off the back element, while its handle has been under the flame of the element infront of it. I had a HUGE blisted on my palm. Luckily theres so much blood flow in the area that no scar developed.

Another thing is i'll accidentally brush my wrist against the pasta bath handle while its sitting at a vigorous boil... Instant blister. I had 3 scars from that a few months ago, but they're all but gone now, after so many months off work cause of chinese aids.

[Anonymous No.14536447]

>>14535861
My sink faucet broke and it started splurging everywhere, so by the time i realized I was supposed to turn the shutoff valves off, there was already a pool of water on my floor

[Anonymous No.14536459]

>>14535861
Pulled a chicken pot pie out of the oven.
I was lazy and used a towel to hold it.
It fell out of my hand and pie crashed on my foot.
Thankfully it didn't get infected or anything.

[Anonymous No.14536494]

>>14536028
Lol you described it perfectly. People only punish children but for some reason 60 year olds are the ones who are the innocent kids, not the real children

[Anonymous No.14536511]

>>14535893
>burns down his apartment complex
>gets mad at the landlord
I hope you get evicted desu

[Anonymous No.14536536]

nothing major
>tried frying chicken for the first time
>using iron skillet
>never even deep fried by myself, neither did room mate
>got chicken ready, got oil hot
>too hot
>way too hot
>"ok, here we go!"
>plopped in first bit of chicken
>hot oil ERUPTS up, boiling like crazy
>everyone yells OH SHIT
>get pan off heat
>let it cool
>pulled out piece of chicken
>black, burned to a crisp, was only in for like 2 min max

and other time
>making cornbread
>everything went well, following recipe to a T
>then I misread one line
>blindly following recipe without thinking
>put 1/3 cup of salt in the batter
>mixed up the amount with the flour
>it came out beautiful
>bit into it
>you could hear the crunch of salt
>mouth is now devoid of moisture
>gagging on the salt and lack of saliva in my mouth
>pour cup of water in my mouth
>spit out everything over the balcony
>there was a party going on downstairs
>someone yells out "dude those guys above us are fucked up"
>some drunk guys comes up and knocks on our door to see if we were ok
>ended up getting invited to the party

[Anonymous No.14537205]

>>14535861
tried to open a bottle i think it was with a knife and i slipped, slashed my nose
rookie mistake, dont know what the fuck i was thinking, doesnt look so bad these days i guess

[Anonymous No.14537211]

>>14535878
shes black, no she isnt lmao

[Anonymous No.14537213]

>>14535861
Sliced off a hunk of thumb. knife fell off the counter and hit my pinky toe thank goodness it was the back side, still a heavy fucking knife and cut. Oil splattered onto my foot, couldn't wear socks or shoes for a week.

[Anonymous No.14537220]

>>14536036
unlucky :(

[Anonymous No.14537245]

>>14535861
when i was younger, i was frying potatoes with a little to much oil. i was wearing only my underwear and accidentally sloshed a bit of the oil on me. luckily not much hit me and the parts that did landed on the thick part of the underwear that goes around your waist. it stung a bunch but i was ultimately ok. now i have a small scar on my hip.

there was another time when i was cutting up worms with a pocket knife and accidentally closed the knife on my finger. cut my it open pretty bad. left a pretty sizable scar.

[Anonymous No.14537250]

>>14537211
Truth

[Anonymous No.14537256]

>>14535861
We know who's holding the camera here lol

[Anonymous No.14537270]

>>14535998
>In America
Pretty much everywhere in the world actually except Western Europe and Canada

[Anonymous No.14537272]

Spilled a whole skillet of Cream of Wheat with frozen scrimps and a half a block of Velveeta on my foreskin.

[Anonymous No.14537305]

extremely drunkenly husking sugar cane with a knife and skinned the back of my thumb

not as bad as it sounds but a pretty fucked scar from it

[Anonymous No.14537314]

>>14537213
k but how much thumb are you missing

[Anonymous No.14537324]

I was making a roux once, stirred too vigorously and a bunch splashed out all over my hand. It instantly hardened so when I ripped it off a bunch of skin came with it. Fucked my hand up and I still have the scar.

When we were in highschool a friend of mine was cutting into frozen burger buns. He stabbed though the bun with his hand on the other side. The knife went all the way through the bun into his hand. Was the most fucked thing I've ever seen.

[Anonymous No.14537337]

While at work, I was put on prep duty. I had 4 stations, and kept my favorite knife on a magnetic holster on my hip.
I was in a rush and went to slap my knife on my holster but it caught on the edge and my fingers slid down the blade. The middle digital crease of my right hand sliced right through.

The only thing keeping me from bleeding everywhere, was that I made a fist in pain.
And I held it like that all the way to the hospital.

My Chef called me a dumb fuck for about a month.

[Anonymous No.14537380]

I didn't get hurt but I dropped my phone into a pan of lard that was cooling and it was greasy and would ooze some while being used but continued working for an impressive amount of time

[Anonymous No.14537384]

>>14535861
I fried bacon with my shirt off once and it kind of stung.

[Anonymous No.14537388]

Stabbed myself in the forearm with a carving knife.

[Anonymous No.14537390]

>>14535861
One time I was making coffee in my french press and I missed the pot totally with a saucepan full of boiling water, poured it all over the back of my hand. Luckily I had a jar of silvadene handy. Didn't even get a scar lol

[Anonymous No.14537396]

>people walking around with completely white tongues

of course he'd fuck a nigger because he is a goddamn nigger

[Anonymous No.14537400]

>>14537396
She pretty tho

[Anonymous No.14537405]

>>14535861

I hate that nigger bitches face.

[Anonymous No.14537406]

>>14537314
it all grew back

[Anonymous No.14537407]

>>14537405
If she hit on you irl you'd probably pop a boner and become a leftist just to hit it

[Anonymous No.14537430]

>>14535950
>get mad because child hurts itself
>hurt it even more
american parenting

[Anonymous No.14537435]

>>14537430
That'll learn the little cunt.

[Anonymous No.14537436]

>>14536028
it feels good to hurt people, and kids typically don't fight back when authority figures hurt them, which is great for old people who are typically at a disadvantage in a fight.

[Anonymous No.14537445]

>>14537407
No, our child would be an abomination. I am not so desperate, being alone forever would be preferable to watching my own child abandon reality and try to become a robber baron even as forensic technology encircles him.

That said I made a milkshake in a blender and managed to, being unfamiliar with someone else's blender, spill it by detaching the vessel from the vessel base instead of detaching the vessel base from the motor base. It was especially bad because the blender belonged to the nearly wheelchair bound form of my friend's mom, she could walk but not only had Ehlers–Danlos syndrome, but spinal disc hernia repair had been attempted at T12 before it was known she had EDS. Any other medfag will immediately understand this an absolute pants-on-head Bambi's mom gets shot level fuckup and it was remarkable should could even stand without screaming. She had a bottle of methadone as long as a nigger's dick that literally said "take as needed". There's footage of her somewhere on a PBS special about treating chronic pain. So, when she stood up to "help" me clean it I was horrified, but she was a neat-freak fucking Ashland-attending thespian who had to have perfectly seasoned pans because she was...I dunno, from London and kind of insane. She made that so much worse than it had to be and admitted it later. I am still incredibly careful with the differences in operation between different models of blenders. Good milkshakes though, the secret is to throw in a little hot chocolate powder.

[Anonymous No.14537449]

>>14535861
At work, bending over to drain fryer oil, calculator and notbook fell from whites breast pocket into dranied oil, me and a mate quicky got rid of the evidence and that was that.

KEEP KNIFES SHARP, cutting with a dull knife on onion skin, slid down into my nail through my right index finger to the bone. No one even noticed till I came back from The first aid box and threw away all my onions. Still confused like I made that "sssssSSSSSSS" noise and everything lol


At Home, Didnt put a ring/seal right in a shitty walmart blender while making butternut soup, went to pour my puree back into my pot and it plopped onto my floor.

[Anonymous No.14537461]

>>14537337
Lol, Anon this scene confuses me, walking around like a musketeer

[Anonymous No.14537477]

>>14535861
Sliced halfway through my middle finger a couple months back. Had to use some blood clot spray when it kept gushing after applying pressure and elevating for over an hour. Pretending it was the first aid spray from Resident Evil made it a little fun and slightly less horrifying, but fucckkkk that sucked...

[Anonymous No.14537504]

>>14535885
KEK! I got that beat, EASY!
I ERNIE'd My vegetables once.
You know that hole...
where the hand goes...

[Anonymous No.14537519]

Still recovering from some second degree burns on my fingers. Got used to cooking on the electric stove in my apartment. Went over to my parent's to cook pizza for my little brother's birthday, and was browning some sausage on the front burner. Set it on the back burner so I could grab something to put the sausage on and drain the grease into, with the metal handle directly over the flame. Went to grab it and scorched the fuck out of my hand.

[Anonymous No.14537654]

>>14537445
i also do the hot chocolate powder thing too. is nice

[Anonymous No.14537671]

one time i threw a tendie at my mommy and it hit her right in the eye!

[Anonymous No.14537683]

>>14537436

[Anonymous No.14537688]

Cut a good chunk off the pad of my index finger using a mandolin for the first time. Even though my finger has healed, I think my fingerprint has permanently changed as it's been years and the original pattern isn't there anymore.

[Anonymous No.14537690]

>>14535998
Probably b8 but you couldn't be further from the truth.
In America these days you get crucified for just spanking your child.

[Anonymous No.14537694]

>>14536494
Wyd does that even mean?

[Anonymous No.14537711]

>>14535861
I got suspended for a week for knocking out a KP that threw a board in the kitchen and it fell in the fryer while I was walking past.

[Anonymous No.14537721]

>dad puts popcorn bag in the microwave
>hits the popcorn button
>goes outside for a smoke
>comes back in
>the microwave is on fire
>he grabs the now on fire bag and throws it in the sink
>takes the sink hose and sprays the mircowave down
>house smells like burnt plastic for weeks

and that is how I learned to always watch something cook.

[Anonymous No.14537723]

This one was pretty good

[Anonymous No.14537727]

>>14537723
Dude, it's down the road not across the street.

[Anonymous No.14537729]

>>14537727
What?

[Anonymous No.14537745]

>>14537729
suicide, you wanna go vertical up the arm if you actually intend to die

[Anonymous No.14537754]

>>14537745
Oh yeah, I was wasted drunk and tried to cut Chinese cabbage to prepare kimchi

[Anonymous No.14537772]

>>14537683
i'm not saying that doing so is acceptable or justifiable. but that's simply what people do. if i were wrong, we would not have a word for torture, or rape, or murder, or cruelty, or abuse, or evil. how many languages can you think of that contain no possible way to express these concepts?

[Anonymous No.14537952]

>>14535861
I was boiling a big pot of water and forgot it. By the time I noticed it had boiled off and the bottom of the pot had melted to the element, and as I grabbed it to throw it outside some of the aluminum landed on my foot. Beaded right off harmlessly, but there's still a bunch of shit-colored burn marks in the oilcloth. Never gonna make that fucking mistake again LMAO.

[Anonymous No.14537964]

I tried to deep fry some prawn twisters while high as fuck on morphine, but I nodded out on the couch and the oil set on fire, burnt out my parents kitchen and went up into the insulation in the rafters and spread all through the ceiling, also bursting the water pipes and caused a whole bunch of water damage throughout the house. It was extremely close to razing the whole house to the ground. I awoke and tried to fight it but it was out of control and I was retarded and tried to throw water on an oil fire. I was also electrocuted because there was water everywhere in the kitchen and it must have been running a current through it. Fucked up my hand and my arm was somewhat numb and immovable for a few days.

Sorry mom

[Anonymous No.14537982]

>my turn to cook for the family
>chicken piccata, my specialty!
>tenderize and flay the chicken breast on the cutting board
>dredge
>hot pan
>in

>chop salad on cutting board
>everyone starts throwing up around 3am

[Anonymous No.14537992]

>>14535861
I Caught some shit on fire in the salamander once. A paper napkin I think. My ex started a grease fire on her first day, then tried to put it out with water. Almost got fired for it because she acted like it wasn’t common knowledge that this was a very bad idea.

[Anonymous No.14537993]

>washed a pot before proceeding to use it with hot oil
>never dried it beforehand

I still have the burn scar from the oil vesuvius that struck me.

[Anonymous No.14538002]

>>14535861
>>14535878
She has a lovely fucking smile, so genuine. Looks like she went through some shit and is now doing better. It's that kind of smile.

[Anonymous No.14538016]

>>14537324
These make me shiver

[Anonymous No.14538022]

>>14537407
100%

[Anonymous No.14538026]

>>14535861
What should I make this bugeyed gentleman sing/say with le deepfake?

[Anonymous No.14538033]

never cut frozen
never cut fennel bulb

[Anonymous No.14538038]

>>14538033
>never cut fennel bulb
Why not, anon?

[Anonymous No.14538040]

>>14538033
>never cut frozen
actually I find cutting chicken is safer when it's (mostly) frozen rather that raw and slippy

[Anonymous No.14538045]

>>14535861
I sliced the tip of my thumb off cutting a bagel at my first job at a coffee shop. Luckily my friend just happened to be there hanging out, he made the order and then they tipped me like $10

I have a bunch of spots on my wrists where I was burn pulling bagel pans out of an oven, but that's kind of it.

[Anonymous No.14538047]

>>14537721
>popcorn button

[Anonymous No.14538050]

>>14535861
Not mine but my work colleague got a knife through his palm when he tried cutting avocado.

[Anonymous No.14538062]

>>14538040
i wouldn't know, I don't eat BIRDS, that's fucking ridiculous. eat a big old meat machine made of massive meat born to be meat, idiot

[Anonymous No.14538065]

>>14538038
don't do it

[Anonymous No.14538067]

>>14536397
I did something similar. Accidentally grabbed the handle of a pan that had been in a 400F oven for a while to move it. Didn't even feel the heat from it right away while holding it so it was in my hand for at least a few seconds. Half of my fingers and palm were blistered. Spent like four hours sweating and breathing hard from how much it hurt. But surprisingly it was fine the next day and I was even using it a little bit, though it took a while for the blisters to go away.

[Anonymous No.14538116]

>>14537982
>Crispy chicken
>Literally soaking in a watery sauce

I hate this so God damn much. Fuck everyone who puts perfectly crispy things into a sauce. That chicken was never crispy tho, looks like shit.

[Anonymous No.14538130]

>>14538116
oh anon you're being glib. it's a doughy chicken, not crispy, and the sauce is glorious. it's comfort food and meant to be rich

[Anonymous No.14538370]

>>14538116
I like breaded eggplant and chicken when it's fried until crispy then put into a sauce. It's good when it's left dry and crispy for other things too, but frying it until crispy before adding sauce stops it from getting a gummy texture even if it gets a bit soft.

[Anonymous No.14538377]

Two words: Mandy Lynn

[Anonymous No.14538431]

>drunk
>cutting broccoli in hand
>wife does something to distract me
>tip of pointer finger is now forfeit
>bleed like a stuck pig because I'm hammered
>wrap finger and go to sleep
>wake up and remove wrap
>fountainsofbellagio.jpg
>go to urgent care and get cut chemically burned closed

It healed to its original shape but has slightly less feeling and different appearance than my other pointer finger.

[Anonymous No.14538561]

>>14535861
KWAB

[Anonymous No.14538563]

>>14535878
She's a literal anime stump fuck puppet too.

[Anonymous No.14538564]

>>14538431
>finger tip
Who cares, I've done this countless times
>he needs a nurse to burn him closed
kek you already preheated the pan, didn't you?

[Anonymous No.14538576]

>>14535861
Did this faggot die immediately or was it slow and painful? I hope he was able to savor just how badly he fucked up before he died.

[Anonymous No.14538583]

>>14537694
I mean they treat adults like they're kids and can do no wrong. The real kids get treated like they're grown already.
It's very backwards, how can a five year old abuse a adult

[Anonymous No.14538682]

>>14536036
i once accidentally this guys sister
now we're married w/ kids and a dog

[Anonymous No.14538741]

>>14537461
It was the last time a carried that peace of shit thing around. I'll be honest I thought it was cool at the time.

[Anonymous No.14538845]

>>14535861
when i was 12 i was gonna make some burgers and the pan on the heat while i was choppin onions and shit, put on too much oil but didn't notice kept choppin while the oil got hot, went to pour it out(was 12 didn't know pourin oil in the drain was bad) while on the way i slipped and got it all over my chest(ofcourse with no shirt on) and suffered serious burns of which i still have a scar.

[Anonymous No.14538864]

>>14535878
she's single

[Anonymous No.14539046]

>>14535861
Stupidest shit I do at home not at work
>Frying up some donuts at home
>Donuts all done and fried, 100% sure I've turned off the fires
>Gonna pour the leftover oil into some container for later
>Oil is not off, actually burning hot, when pouring it slip and pour half of it over my hand holding the container
>My body calmly puts the boiling oil down and drops the container into the trash safely while I scream
>Tears in my eyes instantly but I'm not actually crying
>In agony for the rest of the night and next days

Shit is still the worst pain I can remember. No vicondin or amount of weed did shit. Healed up surprisingly fast tho. I'm more of a burner than a cutter.

[Anonymous No.14539053]

>>14538864
Well, half single

[Anonymous No.14539100]

>>14538002
Well she went through some more shit very recently lmao

[Anonymous No.14540379]

>>14537272
You tried to fuck the cream of wheat, didn't you...

I am ashamed for you anon

[Anonymous No.14540908]

>At friends apartment at college. Just bought my first pistol from a gun show (I was 18)
>Drinking with friends
>Show them my new Jericho
>Try to manually decock
>Thumb slips on hammer, ND into celling
>Upstairs neighbors too high and drunk (underage and illegal drugs) to call the police.

Second time
>At range
>Showing friend pistol
>Think gun is unloaded
>Point at ground show him how to wrack and pull the trigger.
>Forgot loaded mag in
>Shoot between his feet

Third time
>At parents house.
>Just bought a sig from a guy
>Get home
>Try swapping slides with another sig I had
>Forgot the other sig slide was chambered.
>Pull trigger
>Shoot parents wall

Fourth time
>At my new house
>Playing with a friend's 5.56 AK
>Release bolt
Slam fires round into ground

Fith time
>Showing a friend how to use it
>No idea how but a round got chambered
>Show him how the trigger works,
>Pull trigger
>Shoots round into floor in the same place as before

Sixth time
>Thought maybe the house was haunted
>Grab a sig
>Physically clear it, (racked the slide 3 times) with no magazine in
> pull trigger at the same hole
>Round goes off

Seventh time
>Friend brings over a used Glock wants me to look over it
>I grab it and pull the trigger without clearing it
>Didn't even realize the thing was loaded.

Eighth time
>Friend brings over his transferable Mac 10
>I had no idea how open bolt guns worked.
>He's showing it off to me
>I put a loaded mag it and decided to try and release the bolt (I thought it shot from a closed bolt)
>Pulled the trigger for some reason
>Shot 3 rounds into my wall

Overall you shouldn't feel too bad about NDs. It's part of owning guns, and you should get used to them.

[Anonymous No.14540921]

>>14540908
>Overall you shouldn't feel too bad about NDs. It's part of owning guns, and you should get used to them.
Nigga, I've owned guns for decades and have never had an ND, even with it right by me and drinking heavily. You're the one that the Brady faggots point at to say we all should be stripped of our 2a. Fucking do us all a favor and commit sudoku without a gun.

[Anonymous No.14540924]

>>14540908
God damn you are living cancer and shouldn't be allowed to breed. I feel sorry for your parents.

[Anonymous No.14540950]

>>14540908
wow, you're fuckin stupid

[Anonymous No.14540995]

>>14535861
i burn myself quite regularly
but the worst was when i was pretty new to cooking and tried to make stir fry or some shit that needed carrots. I just got myself a new sharp chef knife and i was trying to cut the carrot in half. it got in about 1/3d the way in and got stuck. my dumb ass tried to force the knife in further but it slipped and cut trough 2 of my fingers on my left hand. Blood everywhere, i fixed myself up, i was feeling dizzy but i continued and did the same shit again with the same fucking carrot cutting 3 fingers so bad that i could see the bone. i nearly passed out but the stir fry turned out to be ok

[Anonymous No.14541031]

>>14537772
you may not get the concept but most people dont feel good when hurting others

[Anonymous No.14541231]

>>14540908
land of the free

[Anonymous No.14541491]

>>14537723
Anyone else get aroused seeing this image?

[Anonymous No.14541631]

>>14535861

Not a serious injury but very embarrassing -- two minutes into my first line shift at a new restaurant I cut my thumb badly enough to need stitches, by grabbing a knife off the strip the wrong way.

[Anonymous No.14541654]

>>14540908
This is the most triggering post and it actually makes me mad that I made a dad pun in spite of how angerey this made me

[Anonymous No.14541667]

>>14537407
Black girls are fucking cute. Especially the ones with tight asses.

[Anonymous No.14541954]

>>14537430
Hi Stefan

[Anonymous No.14541965]

14537445
How do schizos get internet access?

[Anonymous No.14541974]

>>14541031
Yes they do, American parenting is beating a child until it's too scared to talk. It's why so many people get diagnosed with autism, people confuse it with PTSD

[Anonymous No.14542002]

>>14535861
scalded myself with boiling water, got a bit of second degree burns on my thumb. I'm generally very careful, otherwise.

[Anonymous No.14542020]

>>14541974
everything in this post is complete and utter bullshit. seek help, or just fucking kill yourself

[Anonymous No.14542035]

>>14541974
full of crap. im betting youve dismembered animals

[Anonymous No.14542092]

>>14540908
2A was a mistake

[Anonymous No.14542114]

>>14537772
Arabic

[Anonymous No.14542140]

>>14540908
Miss your way to /k/?

The fuck none of those injuries were even food related. You're just a gun tard

[Anonymous No.14542155]

when i was in sixth grade i put a pan with hot oil in the sink and it blew up and fried one foot and one hand. wasn't hot enough to make fire, just displace hot oil rapidly.

[Anonymous No.14542341]

>>14535861
happened to a friend while i was at his
>prepares to cook chicken tendies
>uses a giant vat of a cooking pot filled with hot oil
>tosses all his chicken tendies at once
>oil starts sputtering everywhere like a dysfunctional water sprinkler
>friend panics and hauls the entire pot under the sink tap
>*turns on cold tap at full blast*
>hear shortlasting but loud sizzling sound immeadiately followed by a wooshing sound as a fireball that shoots straight upward into the ceiling
>suprisingly only singes the ceiling
>friend turns around and faces towards me in shock and notice blistering boils and pink peppered splotches all over his arms and face

and thats when his chicken tendie rights were revoked.

[Anonymous No.14543340]

>>14535861
>juicing a lime
>motherfucking thing is hard as a rock
>no juice coming out
>take a knife
>start slashing it to cut through the little bubble things
>squeeze again
>knife goes through side and slashes finger down to the bone
>cuts nerve bundle to fingertip
>no sensation in it whatsoever
>end up getting surgery
>surgery doesn't do shit
>surgeon pretends he did a good job

Oh well, at least I had good insurance and they paid for all that stupid shit.

[Anonymous No.14543344]

>>14535878
You like 'em legless and armless, huh?

Throw her in a pool and you can call her Bobbie.

Well, if she floats anyway. If not, oh well.

[Anonymous No.14543351]

>>14535962
They go for whoever they can get.
>white
>has a job in a warehouse
>drives for GrubHub after hours
>willing to fuck monkeys
>OMG what a catch

Same reason why black men date all the white hambeasts.

[Anonymous No.14543384]

>>14537436
kek

[Anonymous No.14543874]

>>14535861
Whole back of my hand seared on a 600f pizza oven.
Sliced thumb to the bone while playing with a new knife to get the balance.
Deviated septum
Multiple concussions due to drinking-related after hours shenanigans

[Anonymous No.14543887]

>>14536011
Sounds like a slavic thing honestly. I had to fistfight my grandma over groceries

[Anonymous No.14543915]

>>14537324
>When we were in highschool a friend of mine was cutting into frozen burger buns. He stabbed though the bun with his hand on the other side. The knife went all the way through the bun into his hand. Was the most fucked thing I've ever seen.
Sounds like someone used to dull knives, using that extreme force.

[Anonymous No.14543918]

>>14537337
>magnetic holster on my hip.
Huh? I can't picture this at all. It all sounds homemade and unsafe a setup. It was a sleeve? The magnet kept the sleeve on the belt? Or the knife laid against it?

[Anonymous No.14544097]

>>14540908
>wrong board
>testified to his own retardation
>copes by saying “it’s no big deal”
>literally the wrong board in an unrelated thread
>actually thinks this type of retarded behavior is normal
>probably under 25, Mexican, and thinks he’s “hard” because he has friends with guns and one of them sells weed

[Anonymous No.14545346]

when i was younger i tried making fried rice after returning from thailand
didn't have soy sauce so i used worcestershire instead because it had similar color, didn't come out good

and my maths teacher told us that when she was young she checked soup temperature with a mercury thermometer, shit spilled right into it

[Anonymous No.14545661]

>>14541491
Whenever I see gashes like that I get a tingly feeling in my crotch but not in an aroused type of way. Always been like that since I was a kid and I don't get it.

[Anonymous No.14545780]

>>14538864
she has as many fiances as she does hands

[Anonymous No.14545868]

>>14535861
Smoker caught on fire. Reached in to grab meat. Ow.

[Anonymous No.14546240]

>>14538864
kek

[Anonymous No.14546296]

>>14537723
Id fuck your wrist, no homo.

[Anonymous No.14546483]

>>14537380
Kek. I once dropped my phone in a concrete mixer. It's probably still embedded in some fuckers driveway

[Anonymous No.14546487]

>>14540908
Holy fuck you need some trigger discipline, muzzle awareness, and a fucking hunter safety/gun safety course.

[Anonymous No.14547149]

>>14535873
Why are you black?

[Anonymous No.14547153]

>>14535878
thank you! teehee ~ ;)

[Anonymous No.14547203]

>>14540908
lol, this bait is evergreen, look at all these salty faggots.

but for real nds are normal, i'm pretty careful and still have done it once or twice.

[Anonymous No.14548155]

>>14535861
flipped a pancake onto my belly once making pancakes shirtless

[Anonymous No.14548164]

i cooked a burger in a frying pan and fumbled the hot grease onto my hand, burger came out good though

[Anonymous No.14548596]

>>14537964
did you get clean?

[Anonymous No.14548784]

>>14536006
and she knew it was your fault

[Anonymous No.14548801]

>>14535873
Hi 5?

[Anonymous No.14548820]

Kek, nice image choice, OP.

[Anonymous No.14548833]

>>14540908
look another good guy with a gun ready to save the day

[Anonymous No.14548842]

>>14536015
I cooked a lot while drunk and never had an accident. When I received a new knife, though, I somehow forgot to bring my thumb in and sliced it pretty good, sober and all.

[Anonymous No.14548847]

>>14537256
Kek, noice.

[Anonymous No.14548853]

anyone got a pistol to sell no questions asked shoreline rhode island?

[Anonymous No.14548855]

>>14537407
>Become a leftist
>Implying black girls who are into white guys don't find right wing political views high key attractive
Top lel

[Anonymous No.14548858]

>>14540908
why the fuck did you write all of this and not... jesus

[Anonymous No.14549061]

>working in deli
>having to babysit room temp iq coworker because we're busy as hell and she's slow as molasses
>moving a mile a minute
>slicing some turkey
>coworker asks me what the number is for what she was slicing because she can't read apparently
>look up to tell her and hear a loud THUNK
>look down at my hand
>a chunk of my left ring finger is laying on the slicer
>mfw
It didn't even hurt until later. Don't underestimate those slicers.

[Anonymous No.14549065]

>>14548853
I've got a hi point fowty for $600 and a blowjob in southern MN

[Anonymous No.14549098]

My hair caught fire once
Worst fucking smell

[Anonymous No.14549106]

When I was first learning how to cook, I tried making chicken parm. I used panko instead of regular breadcrumbs, and it was shit.

Also I set my hand on fire. Not the same incident.

[Anonymous No.14549128]

>>14535861
I was maybe 10~13 when I wanted to eat cup noodles but accidentally poured boiling water on my hand around my thumb. I don't really remember how it looked, but there were folds of skin where the water pushed it away and just looked fucked
It hurt like a motherfucker but healed up in several days. You couldn't tell it was ever there, but the cat scratch on my other hand and the bamboo mat print on my knee are still there

[Anonymous No.14549130]

>>14535861
I never badly cut myself outside of a few shallow minor flesh wounds, but one time I was really drunk when I was first learning how to cook and ended up burning a roux for a gumbo I was making. It was so badly burnt that an overwhelming scorched taste permeated the stew to such an extent that it was basically inedible. I served it to my family anyway and they all pretended to like it even though it was obvious that they couldn't stand the shit.

[Anonymous No.14549299]

>>14540908
You should not own a fucking gun. Jesus christ. And people wonder why everyone thinks Americans are retarded.

[Sketchful No.14549382]

>>14535861
Not that major but
My grandparents lived in a village and had a wood stove similar to pic
It is used for heating but you could cook something one it if you wanted to.
They had gas burner for actual meals but stove is used for roasting stuff or brewing water etc.
One day I was roasting chestnuts on it and accidentally touched the stove while it was really hot.
I got a burn mark on my forearm just above my elbow, I would say it was 6x2 cm long.
I thought it was there forever but thankfully it healed after 1 or 2 years.

[Anonymous No.14549927]

I cut into my left thumb with a saw-like bread knife, the bleeding was quite nasty, but I just desinfected it and bandaged it together and then it healed itself. Now I have a large scar there.

[Anonymous No.14549949]

>>14540908
Oh say can you see

[Anonymous No.14549964]

I was making smash borger and couldn't locate the wooden dowel to press down with so I was like "fuck it this spatula can take it" and pressed down hard. The spatula snapped in half and I dunked my finger in super hot oil. Had a massive burn from knuckle to knuckle that took about 4 weeks to fully heal

[Anonymous No.14550122]

>>14537380
Did it ever occur to you to clean it? You can wash phones surprisingly easily.

[Anonymous No.14550649]

>>14535861
instead of heating oil in a pan I heated the pan and then added oil, shit instantly exploded in smoke and flame, covered it quickly with a lid, then the lid shot off and the flame started up again, hurried outside with the pan and left it on a rock in the garden until it cooled off

[Anonymous No.14551208]

>>14537430
Corporal punishment is far more common outside of the West. Every foreign (specifically brown and foreign) girl I've dated has always jokingly told stories about getting hit with sticks or chased around their home by their parents for seemingly minor concerns.

[Anonymous No.14551276]

>>14535878
She’s a quad amputee.

But she’s single!

[Anonymous No.14551500]

>>14551208
>seemingly minor concerns
I would be willing to bet they repeated the “action” in question repeatedly. Some kids simply don’t learn “Do NOT do this” until the parents prove they are absolutely serious about punishing them for it.

[Anonymous No.14551659]

>>14551500
Nope, it was actually a single post. And here, I looked it up just for you.

[Anonymous No.14551668]

>>14551659
>>14551500
Woops posted in wrong thread. Time to kill myself

[Anonymous No.14551687]

>>14551500
But to your point, while I can empathize with your general bias, my only point was that parents seem to be much, much more willing to inflict physical pain on their children as a typical punishment. I mean, I'm talking about Chinese girls that I've dated too who were total prudes. Not likely candidates as problem children..maybe that indian girl though.

[Anonymous No.14551946]

>>14540908

I didn't realize you could just take pasta from other boards and get a million (you)s because people don't recognize it.

Masterful Baiting friend

[Anonymous No.14551965]

>>14535861
Pasta dough kept tearing, had a fit of rage and threw the pasta machine through the window from the third floor, I've been lucky that no one or no car was under.

[Anonymous No.14552030]

>>14551668
I genuinely kek’d at this
>>14551687
The real reason “corporal punishment” is used as often as it is is that abuse is a much easier tool for control than non-abuse. Being physically, verbally, or emotionally abusive makes it MUCH easier to control a child than by using other forms of parenting.
It’s as simple as a loud voice.

[Anonymous No.14552974]

>>14548801
She owes you a standing ovation!

[Anonymous No.14553062]

>>14551668
Understandable
have nice day.

[Anonymous No.14553076]

>>14535861
Walked home from grocery store job with a freschetta pizza.
Got home, threw it right on the rack.
Go to check on it 12 minutes later and a find a goopy, drooling mess of a pizza in the oven.

[Anonymous No.14553084]

>>14549065
This is the worst by far.

[Anonymous No.14553481]

>>14535861
who the fuck would make an image like this. i imagine them to be depraved of humanity

[Anonymous No.14553728]

>>14536011
lmao
maybe it's taboo in your yuppie suburb you grew up in. you know nothing at all

[Anonymous No.14554899]

>>14543918
It's a cool but overpriced setup, scrub.
Basically a shallow steel box with one side magnetized to secure the knife and the other 3 to protect it from retards who can't use google.

[Anonymous No.14557019]

Nothing much, but I made a huge amount of chili stew using far too much chili despite following the recipe and then I forced myself to eat it as usual. I awoke in cold sweats several times every night for the rest of the week (i had to eat the rest too)

[Anonymous No.14557249]

>>14535861
>I almost chopped my finger off once, chopped really hard down on my index finger, leaving a good dent in the bone and everything
>Burned the first few layers of skin off my left hand, was missing fingerprints for a year solid
>Also stabbed my hand once with a seated knife. Not fun

[Anonymous No.14557333]

I can't make a burger patty that doesn't fall apart no matter what mix I use. Doesn't matter if it's 80/20, 70/30, whatever. The burger will fall apart if I have anything to do with forming the patty. Only time that hasn't happened was when I made venison burgers.

[Anonymous No.14557342]

>>14557333
>mix
>for a burger

what are you retarded? fucking form meat into a patty and slam it on the grill what kind of faggot uses a mix, a mix makes meatloaf wtf is wrong with you?

[Anonymous No.14557359]

>>14557342
I mean fat/meat ratio you stupid nigger. 80/20 is 80 percent meat 20 percent fat. Are you really that fucking retarded? Fuck your mother.

[Anonymous No.14557369]

I splashed boiling water onto my belly once, melted some skin and hurt like a bitch. I'm also a long hair faggot and one time I was cooking and I didnt have my hair tied back and I bent over and some of my hair fell off my shoulder into the gas burner. Only a little bit caught on fire, I chopped off the burnt bits and no one seemed to notice.

[Anonymous No.14557381]

>>14557359
it don't matter, you can't form a disc of meat, pathetic.

it's falling apart because your temps aren't hot enough btw you don't low and slow a burger.

[Anonymous No.14557399]

>>14557381
It "do" matter you stupid southern hick.

[Anonymous No.14557412]

>>14557399
oooo lok at dis guy all flustered over his burger skill, you gonna write about dis in ya dream journal later ya nancy?

[Anonymous No.14557419]

>>14557412
Naw man it don't be like dat. I caint rite i a good ol boi.

[Anonymous No.14557433]

>>14557342
Your mom must buy your ground round if you didn't know about the various ratios of meat to fat content you fucking dunce.

[Anonymous No.14557987]

>>14535861
few years ago I was making some mac and cheese in the microwave, after one bowl I was going to make another so I cleaned the bowl out then put more water in, the issue is that the water was from my fridge was cold and I just washed it out with hot water, naturally the bowl exploded in my hand and I am still missing a couple of bits of my fingers, nothing big just a few parts where its clearly missing.

[Anonymous No.14558065]

>>14537477
>Pretending it was the first aid spray from Resident Evil made it a little fun and slightly less horrifying
kek

[Anonymous No.14558156]

>>14557433
wtf is ground round?

[Anonymous No.14558160]

>>14549098
many a time I have singed off arm hair while lighting fires.

[Anonymous No.14558164]

>>14557987
this is some /ck/ newfag tier hilarity

[Anonymous No.14558194]

>>14535861

I was replacing an industrial food manufacturing blender blade and the new, insanely sharp laser-cut blade was coated with mineral oil and while trying to tighten it in place my hand slipped and sliced my arm from palm to elbow down to the bone.

Luckily the scar healed well because it was such a clean cut.

[Anonymous No.14558202]

>>14558164
I understood temperature shock at the time but I thought it would need a far more sudden and drastic change, also I was using a bowl that was pretty fragile, my mother has broken most of the set just from small drops.

[Anonymous No.14558276]

>>14535861
I've sliced off the tip of my left thumb with a mandolin. When some dumb cunt from the morning crew blocked the vent from the steamer it exploded and burnt me up to the elbow. I was drinking liquor while cleaning with its toxic sister alcohol, then accidentally mixed the two (this was at home.)

Cooks are hilariously self destructive. Or kill each other.

[Anonymous No.14558391]

Maybe like 10 years ago or so, I was washing dishes in soapy water, when I notice the water is bright red. Looking down, a chunk of skin is hanging off my right pinky, cut down to the bone. Come to find out one of the glasses I was washing had a nice half-inch circular divot in the rim. When I was cleaning the bottom of the glass, my hand was at just the right depth and angle to almost shear the meat clean off the bone. Got that shit cleaned up, and a little superglue later and everything was good as new. Still have the scar to this day, though.

[Anonymous No.14558462]

>>14557333
Make sure the pan or grill is hot before adding the burgers. Don't try to flip them too early. Give them a solid 5 minutes before fucking with them.

[Anonymous No.14558465]

>>14553728
i dont associate with low class people

[Anonymous No.14558493]

I'm so tired of seeing this goddamn OP pic

[Anonymous No.14558870]

>>14535861
I accidentally the whole thing.

[Anonymous No.14558897]

It was a banquet/function. Some dumb fucking faggot left a bunch of 2 inch hotel pans filled with soup on the top of a rack and roll inside a steamer without saying anything. I went to pull the fucking rack out cause I needed to use it to keep my entrees warm. The pans fell cause whoever put that shit there was a fucking retard.

I never found out who did it. No one would take the blame, cause if they did I would have beaten the ever loving shit out of them.

[Anonymous No.14559312]

>>14558897
You see pans in a steamer you assume theyre full, fucking moron.

[Anonymous No.14559718]

>>14558465
the vast majority of america is low class so I really don't see what your point is besides you conceding you don't know what you're talking about.

[Anonymous No.14559738]

Sliced half way through my thumb, straight through the nail, while cutting scallions on the line. Was about an hour into my shift, we werent even open yet, and saute was half prepped. I got told to go sit in the office and hold it above my head until it "stopped bleeding" after about 45 minutes I was like hey guys I am still dripping blood all over the office I need help bandaging it. After multiple bandages lasting about 2 minutes total before it was entirely soaked, I super glued it and finally got back on the line. I was pissed off that I was so far behind in prep, and worked until close.

It didn't hurt much that night, but that shit was sore for like 3 weeks after, and any slight bump to my thumb caused it to just pour blood. Considered going to the hospital but their solution either would be super glue, which I was already doing, or just removing the nail, which fuck that shit.

[Anonymous No.14559853]

>>14537754
How the fuck do you manage to cut your forearm cutting cabbage

[Sage No.14559878]

>>14535861
SCRAPE
THAT
FUCKING
TONGUE
YOU
DISGUSTING
PIECE
OF
SHIT

[Anonymous No.14560074]

>>14535989
>>14535998
>>14536028

[Anonymous No.14560228]

>>14553084
Hey, find someone else selling a gun for a reasonable offer.

[Anonymous No.14560244]

I sliced my hand really badly on the thing that cuts the tinfoil. Like, DEEP, be careful with those things. I should've got stitches but instead I have a giant ugly scar on my hand

[Anonymous No.14560401]

Second degree burns on my legs because I was new to cooking, used too much oil, and dropped a pork chop into the pan in such a way that it splashed on me. Thank God I was wearing underwear.

[Anonymous No.14560624]

>>14535861

[Anonymous No.14560634]

i made a home made mac n cheese but some how the cheese solidified and didnt remelt at all after. it became rubber covered in yellow water.

[Anonymous No.14560819]

>>14538116
>Fuck everyone who puts perfectly crispy things into a sauce

>He doesn't use potato starch to keep it crisp

[Anonymous No.14561047]

>>14535861
I made spaghetti bolognese the other day and forgot that I'd already added salt to the pasta water so it got a double dose. I didn't notice until I started eating it, it was unbearably salty and had to throw the whole thing away. What a fucking waste.

[Anonymous No.14561313]

>>14543344
Well those types tend to sink even with limbs

[Anonymous No.14562697]

Got drunk and forgot about chicken in the oven. They turned to charcoal after 6 hours of baking and my house smelt like smoke for a week.

A couple weekends ago I got drunk and tried to boil some crawfish. Grabbed the pan and it scorched my fingers.

Every time I fuck up it’s because I’m drunk

[Anonymous No.14562767]

>>14549061
Yikes

[Anonymous No.14562780]

>>14549964
Why were you smashing the burgy over a vat of hot oil?

[Anonymous No.14562796]

>>14535861
I tried to use water to extinguish a grease fire when I was a kid.

[Anonymous No.14562803]

sliced my thumb straight to the bone mishandling a can opener
30 years later i still have a 2mm deep indentation

[Anonymous No.14563780]

>>14540908
I'm posting this on /k/

[Anonymous No.14564046]

>>14537380
Similar story I was talking to my boss on a cordless phone and had about 4 tickets hanging. I went to flip burgers, turned my head with it and the phone bounced off the back splash of the grill and into our deep fryer.

[Anonymous No.14564947]

>>14549128
How does it feel knowing my 10 year old son has been making cup of noodles for 2 years and has yet to hurt himself?

[Anonymous No.14564967]

>>14563780
where do you think it came from fool

[Anonymous No.14565022]

>>14559718
Not everyone is low iq and violent just because thats what youre used to

[Anonymous No.14565172]

One time at a Cracker Barrel we accidentally ran out of gloves so I accidentally took a shit and didn’t wash my hands all day while I prepped everything. Huffed a case of whip cream there one day too shit was so cash,

[Anonymous No.14565188]

Once while cooking ramen I accidentally poured the boiling water all over my hand, as well as the counter and floor. I spent the next few hours with a bag of frozen peas on my hand and then slept with my hand in an open mini fridge.

[Anonymous No.14565218]

2nd degree burn when I flipped a piece of tuna towards me when searing it when I was a stupid 17 year old prep cook. Had to go home that night. Couldn’t even jerk off.

The worst ones are when you cut into a finger tip and nail, but you don’t sever the piece of nail, so you have to finish the job to wrap it up properly or you will have this dead chunk of nail/flesh impeding the wound from healing.

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

[Anonymous No.14565234]

I grabbed a 400 degree steel pan handle with my bare hand oopsie. Agonizing pain for hours after it happened and then no pain at all the next day or after. It was pretty fun.

[Anonymous No.14565253]

>>14538864
single appendix

[Anonymous No.14565383]

Can't handle reading a single post in this thread. Anyone else?

[Anonymous No.14565478]

>>14565022
and not everyone is a well do to goody goody like you're used to, just admit you're wrong and stop digging yourself in deeper.