College Nightmare Thread

[Anonymous No.14397231]

Alright /ck/, head back to your nightmarish college days for a sec (if you went).

What's the worst thing you've seen/eaten/cooked, and what necessitated it.

Terrible roommate cooking stories are just as welcome.

Pic semi-related, except imagine that, instead of broth, it was water, and had a side of expired orange juice.

[Anonymous No.14397239]

>college
Yesterday I had some leftover french fries I didn't want to waste, so I made an omelette with french fries and shredded cheddar. Then I poured beef gravy on it. I don't know why.

[Anonymous No.14397278]

I made tea with pasta water

[Anonymous No.14397282]

Not college, but when I was an apprentice I ate fast food all the time, never again.

[Anonymous No.14397464]

The local cafeteria aloud take out, and a lot of kids would take a couple of bites before throwing their literal half eaten in the trash, I'd pick out and eat the uneaten bits when everyone else was asleep

[Anonymous No.14397476]

>>14397464
That is just being resourceful

[Anonymous No.14397484]

>>14397231
There was a time when I was prescribed addy, and I'm pretty sure I just ate cookies and string cheese for a week.

[Anonymous No.14397503]

>>14397231
meme answer: i did a study abroad trip and tried actual italian pizza.

no meme answer: i lived in a housing unit that was essentially a frat house. people made all sort of disgusting shit but i don't really remember specifics. the one amazing thing i had was when this british student made shakshouka which i had never even heard of before. Now I make it like 6 times a month.

[Anonymous No.14397504]

Made "tomato soup" our of ketchup, water and spices.

[Anonymous No.14397529]

every time i eat canned baked beans right out of the can I die a little inside

[Anonymous No.14397597]

>>14397231
vegetarian pizzes because they were cheaper but larger.

A lot of spaghetti and some random other shit that I cooked.

My roommate cycled between two meals the entire 3 years we lived together.

[Anonymous No.14397607]

>>14397239
Sounds like some kind of weird improvised poutine

[Anonymous No.14397626]

I bought spam and didn't realize it still needed to be cooked. Drunkenly ate straight from the can.

[Anonymous No.14397629]

>>14397278
this actually sounds alright, assuming you didnt salt the pasta water, and depending on whatever tea you chose- how did it turn out?

[Anonymous No.14397634]

i used to eat spaghetti with ketchup on it sometimes, which i learned from a polish-french roommate i had once.

[Anonymous No.14397639]

>>14397626
Isn't spam pre-cooked though? That's what the google's saying.

[Anonymous No.14397652]

>>14397639
It is indeed and that's why I thought I could eat it straight from the can too. It tasted and smelled incredibly fishy and had the texture of uncooked ground meat. An asian friend of mine who ate it often told me he had never heard of it being eaten uncooked.

[Anonymous No.14397656]

>>14397626
>>14397639
Yeah but it tastes much better if you cook it.

[Anonymous No.14397706]

My brother once put vinegar in his pasta water instead of oil. I don't think he would've noticed if I didn't tell him.

[Anonymous No.14397837]

>>14397231
I once saw a guy at the druggy house using sticks of cheddar as a spoon eating a tub of margarine

[Anonymous No.14397876]

Dated a girl in college who had her own special chili recipe, passed down from her father. It included ground turkey and ketchup, among other things.

[Anonymous No.14397888]

>>14397231
I used to eat a lot of spray cheese with crackers in college. Never had it before or since.

[Anonymous No.14397930]

>>14397629
Spaghettea

[Anonymous No.14397968]

>>14397231
right on the day before i was supposed to go home and enjoy my mom's cooking i ate some sausage and beans in a cafeteria. a few hours later i was shitting my guts out, had to go to the toilet every 15 minutes. i was taking the overnight train and i spent half the night in the can.

then for my whole one week stay i ate nothing but plain toast and boiled carrots and potatoes.
it wasn't fair brehs

[Anonymous No.14397971]

>>14397876
White ppl are awful

[Anonymous No.14397981]

>>14397278
slav tip: you can drink the water you've boiled potatoes in. it's delicious, slightly salty, slightly potatoe-y. incredibly comforting in winter and during a hangover.

[Anonymous No.14398009]

>>14397981
With all the dirt?

[Anonymous No.14398012]

>>14398009
there's no dirt but good point, i've only had it after boiling peeled potatoes. idk if it would work when boiling unpeeled potatoes.
but even if you're boiling unpeeled potatoes you should still wash the dirt off

[Anonymous No.14398299]

Bottle of bourbon and half a jar of peanut butter

[Anonymous No.14398336]

>Tonight... on College Nightmares!
>Chef Ramsey visits Berkeley's Midtown Campus to find out why these four roommates have been having diarrhea for a week now.
"That pan is *beeep* dirty, you pighead!"
>But it might prove to be his biggest challenge yet.
"WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER USING THE TOILET, JASON!"
>With events taking an unexpected turn
"I've been a marijuana addict for two years now, chef."
>leading to chef Ramsay to intervene on the students behalf
"Marijuana addiction is a serious sickness. Trust me, my brother was an addict too. Damn, damn, damn."
>will chef Ramsay succeed in de-diarrheaizing these students? Find out now.

[Anonymous No.14398337]

>>14397231
this is simple in its.. insanity.

>live overseas in high school
>time to go to the US and be an adult
>parents give me random trailer in east texas
>friend comes with me
>weve got a fridge, no food, and no cooking tools
>except this 2 lb block of bacon completely frozen
>and this george foreman, missing the grease trap
>lets just throw the whole block in the george foreman
>its ... chewy bacon in one blob of bacon
>also we have a bucket full of bacon grease

[Anonymous No.14398349]

>>14397504
That’s fair

[Anonymous No.14399211]

>>14397634
100% guaranteed your roommate was jewish

[Anonymous No.14399226]

>>14397231
I didn't go to college but I got myself kicked out of the house at 15 and first few months after being raised hunting and trapping I lived off everything from muskrats to bear. FYI mountain lion taste like pork

[Anonymous No.14399234]

not a gross recipe but i had a roommate who cooked soup and then just left it on the stove before he went home for thanksgiving break

[Anonymous No.14399258]

>>14397930
faggot

[Anonymous No.14399595]

>>14397231
one time I ate the undigested corn out of my poop

[Anonymous No.14401037]

>>14397231
The floor was entirely maggots.

[Anonymous No.14401111]

>>14397634
Spaghetti with ketchup is a slav staple

[Anonymous No.14401116]

>>14397231
I wasn't retarded and knew how to cook in college

[Anonymous No.14401117]

>>14397231
Chopped up generic hot dogs mixed with rice, cheese, and vegetables was one of my poverty go tos in college. Wasn't actually too bad.

The worst thing I had in college was the mixed drinks I made in the dorms that were 2/3 water with generic powdered energy drink mix and 1/3 of the cheapest vodka I could buy. Tasted like complete shit and almost gagged each time I drank it, but I still went through 2-3 a night on the weekends and the occasional weekday.

[Anonymous No.14401131]

Oh, it's a plebbit/twitter
>lmao@us for eating shit food
>aren't we so cool that we couldn't cook
>we're totally fitting in now hehehehe

[Anonymous No.14401178]

I used to eat a lot of these even though my parents had paid in full for the dining hall, but I was tired of eating by myself like the autizmo I am

[Anonymous No.14401443]

I've done ketchup on bread before in order to not die
Also slightly less bad but similar tier,
spaghetti and peso, hot dog with a slice of bread as a bun, mac and cheese with a raw egg thrown in, mug brownies, microwaved cheese quesodillas

[Anonymous No.14401714]

>>14401178
those taste so awful, like corn syrup straight from a bottle. weird sickly sweet chemical taste. i used to eat tons when i was young. tried recently and wanted to puke.

[Anonymous No.14401901]

>>14401178
I don't understand why people can't eat alone, it's so weird. I enjoy eating alone. Nothing between me and my food.
I guess kids need more friends though, but I always had friends.

[Anonymous No.14401909]

>>14401443
>hot dog with a slice of bread as a bun
That's how we had hotdogs at my house growing up. Imagine buying expensive buns just for hotdogs.
It's sad you think this is some type of trial.

[Anonymous No.14401915]

>>14398009
you don't wash your potatoes? What a slob.
>>14398012
potato water is god-tier for bread. So is the whey you drain from yogurt.

[Anonymous No.14401923]

>>14399226
You poached bear and mountain lion? I don't believe you, mainly because that is a major federal offense.

[Anonymous No.14401936]

>>14401178
>even though my parents had paid in full for the dining hall

Same, I miss eating at the dining halls, even though back in the day I was absolutely tired of the food there. It was nice having 2 guaranteed meals a day. I'd go with a friend and have breakfast every weekend.

Miss it/10

[Anonymous No.14401970]

I have a ton of stories, my own and my roommate's.

Weed Eggs
>Don't like smoking, but wanna get high
>Buy a nug off of my roommate for like $15
>Think I can make eggs like people do brownies, activate the THC with eggs
>End up with watery, green eggs that taste like shit
>Choke them down
>Don't get high

Roommate's "Seasoned Pan"
>Roommate has heard about how you're not supposed to wash pans so they retain flavor
>Is an idiot so doesn't realize this is just for cast iron
>Has this shitty aluminum "pan" that is basically just a bowl
>Heats nothing but frozen food, nuggets, fast food, ramen, etc. in this thing in the oven
>It's just full of reeking grease and burnt shit
>Didn't wash it for two straight years until the house got destroyed in a flood
>Tells me it's sealing in the flavor, but it's probably why he kept getting strep throat and shit

He also used to wash the floors with the same sponges he used to clean plates, even though we had a dog tracking in literal shit. "The dish soap cleans it all," he'd say. I bought my own plates and sponges.

[Anonymous No.14402039]

>>14401970
Did you have your green eggs with ham?

[Anonymous No.14402102]

>>14397231
Thanks to COVID I’m in the nightmare right now. Spent my last $25 on groceries at the beginning of the month and have been living off them. The few cans of spaghettios were gone the first week, have a couple boxes of Mac and cheese left. I think I have a jar of peanut butter. But I’m fat so being on less than a thousand calories a day has been good in that regard. Just learning to live with less thanks to this pandemic fucking my job

[Anonymous No.14402132]

>>14399258
Stay mad kid

[Anonymous No.14402159]

>>14402102
>blaming a non sentient disease for your problems
Lol no, the government fucked your job. Coronavirus is just the excuse delivery vehicle.

[Anonymous No.14402196]

>>14402159
Semantics
But yeah

[Anonymous No.14402231]

I once made a bechamel sauce then melted chocolate into it because I thought it would make a really nice, rich, thick chocate sauce which nothing else could match.

I was right, texturally, but it also tasted like absolute ass wax. Maybe I'll revisit the recipe one day and put some effort in to make it less awful.

[Anonymous No.14402273]

Creamy Chicken Ramen, cooked to the point of being nearly mush, topped with a fried egg and two taco bell sauce packets.

[Anonymous No.14402339]

I tried throwing together some broccoli and cheese about to expire. Cheesy broccoli is about the worst thing I've tried while being in college.
I prioritized my finances for food while in college. Even had some to blow on balut that just sat in my drawer for the whole semester. I ate well bitch, and I cook just as well. Y'all are just stupid.

[Anonymous No.14402348]

>>14398009
why are you boiling unwashed unpeeled potatoes?

[Anonymous No.14402358]

>>14397503
>shakshouka
>tfw took an Arabic class and presented Arabic food culture for an assignment
>tfw I know exactly what that is just how fucking awesome it sounds
If you liked it you should check out some other Arabic foods. When those sandniggers aren't eating just figs and dates for dessert they actually do some killer desserts.

[Anonymous No.14402388]

>>14402102
You dumb nigger, just walk to a gas station at like 1am and they'll give you leftover donuts, chicken sandwiches, burgers, and pizza pockets.


Can someone please post the /ck/ beginners guide for this idiot? I'm sure even the /fit/ diet guides would help.

[Anonymous No.14402401]

>>14402388
>You dumb nigger, just walk to a gas station at like 1am and they'll give you leftover donuts, chicken sandwiches, burgers, and pizza pockets
Maybe the gas stations wherever the fuck you live so that but you’re gonna get shot or called the cops on trying that shit around here

[Anonymous No.14402403]

>>14402039
No ham.

[Anonymous No.14402419]

>>14402358
what is happening in this pic

[Anonymous No.14402549]

>>14402401
Then you need to gtfo of wherever you are.

[Anonymous No.14402584]

Not really nightmare just fucking disgusting. My roommate would eat two day old Chinese that sat on his dorm desk without reheating on multiple occasions.

>those Sunday nights when 6 of us around the dorm would all scrape together money and place a big order and each get a combo and soup and a soda

Fuck I miss it

[Anonymous No.14402603]

i dont understand why there are "nightmarish college days" for cooking. im in college and i cook. i guess it's because i'm a bit older (23) but i'm not really relying on fast food and ramen here.

[Anonymous No.14402610]

>>14401901
yeah i dont get it either. eating alone is a thousand times more preferable than eating with someone unless i cooked their dish, in which case i'm really interested in what they think and feel a bit of pride in myself

[Anonymous No.14402622]

>>14401131
Sorry, no. It definitely says 4channel in the URL for me. Maybe there’s a problem with your Microsoft internet explorer?

[Anonymous No.14402824]

>>14402584
The magic of MSG

[Anonymous No.14402866]

>>14402419
get out while you still can, kid.

[Anonymous No.14402947]

I deep-fried my cornflakes (yes, I deep fried cereal and then ate them with milk), because they were more crunchy and delicious.
I also learned how to make a batter and deep-fried a lot of cheese.
I basically could barely cook an omelette, but deep-frying was easy, so I did it. I did for like first four months in college. Then I transitioned slowly into delivery pizza, then pre-cooked grocery store meals, and after a few more months I actually started to cook.

Yes, I am ashamed.

[Anonymous No.14403170]

>>14398336
Lost

[Anonymous No.14403336]

>>14399211
i 100% guarantee he was not.

[Anonymous No.14403365]

>>14402603
its a special combination of lack of motivation/time, equipment/facilities, skill, experience, and money.

[Anonymous No.14403439]

>>14402549
>just go get free food from a gas station at 1am lol
>just move to a nicer area when you have no money lol
Gee you’re just full of solutions

[Anonymous No.14403473]

>>14399226
Bullshit faggot

[Anonymous No.14403474]

>>14397464
are you a racoon?

[Anonymous No.14403483]

>>14402419
dumb newfag

[Anonymous No.14403512]

>>14397597
>My roommate cycled between two meals the entire 3 years we lived together
My current roommate literally eat a single meal each meal for like 6 months straight, then he changes to a new one leaving the remaining ingredients required to make the first meal to mold in the fridge.

[Anonymous No.14403519]

>>14399226
>raised hunting and trapping
>eating apex predators
You're either a lying faggot or you were raised by retards.

[Anonymous No.14403522]

>>14402231
>I once made a bechamel sauce then melted chocolate into it because I thought it would make a really nice, rich, thick chocate sauce which nothing else could match

[Anonymous No.14403527]

>>14402419
Lurk moar.

[Anonymous No.14403655]

It's very simple.
>muesli
>vodka
I hadn't eaten in a day and I obviously didn't have anything else in my apartment so I made do.

[Anonymous No.14404775]

>>14401970
>>Is an idiot so doesn't realize this is just for cast iron
Why would it be?

[Anonymous No.14404883]

I got fucked on drugs and deep fried a whole potato. Had to clean my roommates deep fryer after

[Anonymous No.14404901]

>>14397239
I've made an omelette with leftover french fries once too, but they still tasted like shit

[Anonymous No.14404978]

>>14397503
Shakshuka is the tits, I make it at about the same frequency as you.

[Anonymous No.14404981]

>>14397231
milk
egg yolk
stir

[Anonymous No.14405358]

>>14397231
My roommate would cook spaghetti with ketchup every single day. Every now and then he would add a slice of kraft singles as a little treat.

[Anonymous No.14405404]

Using milk as a mixer for whiskey is a bad idea.

[Anonymous No.14405954]

>>14403365
i suppose you're definitely right about money. i consider myself very grateful that my parents help out--but even with the most limited of living quarters, i've still gone for portable stoves and crockpots and air fryers because cooking felt and feels so necessary to me. eating fast food makes me want to physically die

[Anonymous No.14406540]

I made hamburgers in my microwave, and actually made a thread on here showing how to make it at home. It was edible, but so bland. If I were to attempt it again, I would baste the burgers in their own juices and add butter.

[Anonymous No.14407146]

I started cooking when I was 17, so by the time i moved out I was proficient enough. the only things that stands out that i remember was one of my roommate's girlfriend cooked a big pot of something, like probably some sort of chicken pasta. took a bite and it tasted like pure garlic powder suspended in a light sauce

[Anonymous No.14407411]

>>14402039
kek

[Anonymous No.14407490]

I cooked my own non-disgusting food 6 days a week when I was in college, but every saturday I went to kfc.

[Anonymous No.14407680]

>>14397626
I did that once, I took one bite and tossed it in the trash. I could have just cooked it but I was so disgusted.

[Anonymous No.14407704]

>>14397231
most i ever did was dumping a can of tuna into my noodles. it tasted okay.

[Anonymous No.14407731]

>>14397231
It was the end of the semester and all I had left in my refrigerator was 8 oz of edam cheese and 50 slices of precooked bacon, so I put them both into a bowl and threw it in the microwave and ate it over two days. It wasn't very good but when I borrowed some bread from another guy and put it on that it was tolerable.

[Anonymous No.14407894]

Undergrad University #1: Great food. Dining hall always had great food and it was an all you can eat but still served by staff. Could eat there 3x daily with ID. The small grills were all good quality too and were not that expensive.

Undergrad/Graduate University #2
Fucking horrible. The dining hall is all a-la-carte with a ChikFilA limited. Other half is meme tier specialty kiosks that suck except one sandwich joint. Really expensive overall and even the take out sandwiches suck ass,

[Anonymous No.14407917]

Never went to college but I hate spending money so I live like a hobo. I foraged some laetiporus cincinnatus and forgot about it being in my freezer for a few months. Breaded it cooked it and ate it. Explosive diarrhea for days.

[Anonymous No.14408362]

>>14402231
Surely something like that should work considering I've heard of biscuits with chocolate gravy before.

[Anonymous No.14408373]

>>14407917
Saving money I get but why the fuck would you risk sickness and death for something as relatively inexpensive as fucking mushrooms?

[Anonymous No.14408931]

>>14399226
You literally ate a cat damn homie

[Anonymous No.14409799]

>>14397981
If you can still drink it it wasnt salty enough for boiling the potatoes. Boiled potatoes will taste like shit if the water wasnt salted enough.

[Anonymous No.14409941]

Got one from my dad
>be dad
>coming back to dorm after class
>fire dept outside building
>dozens of students outside
>sees roommates with police
>asks what the fuck
>firefighters responding to medium fire coming from unit
>students murmuring and gathering around firefighters walking out of building
>they're holding a smoking charcoal grill
>puts two and two together
>realizes some dumbass tried grilling indoors
>building gets cleared to enter hours later
>dad wondering what stupid shithead did this
>gets to apartment
>no door
>taped off
>insides pitch black

[Anonymous No.14410186]

>>14397876
turkey meatloaf chili?

[Anonymous No.14410363]

>>14397930
i like this gif may i have it pls?

[Anonymous No.14410373]

I wish I could have afforded college. Feels bad. If reincarnation is real, I hope I get another chance.

[Anonymous No.14410415]

Probably my roommate making chili in my crockpot. I tasted it because it. No spices at all just beef, beans, and tomatoes.

[Anonymous No.14410505]

>>14397231
Roommate left pilaf in pressure cooker
I left for holidays
He left a bit later
He came back earlier
He opened the pressure cooker

[Anonymous No.14410966]

>>14397231
My roommate once cooked ground beef and spinach in the same skillet. It essentially turned into overcooked ground beef and wilted, oily spinach in a soup of beef fat. And he still fucking ate it.

[Anonymous No.14412705]

>>14398337
Sounds like you got a good "Two for one" deal to be honest.

[Anonymous No.14413355]

>>14397231
I actually knew how to cook so I ate pretty well at university. Sometimes I was just lazy though, so the worst thing I ate was cheap ham sandwiches with brown sauce. I had a friend who could not cook at all though. He tried to make fried rice once by frying uncooked rice.

[Anonymous No.14414069]

>>14397231

I made this thing called "pot nachos" in college

it was cinnamon toast crunch cereal like the bottom of the box stuff where all the sugar falls to
in a pan with a lot of butter and topped with sliced bananas and threw that shit in the oven for awhile

and it was good as hell, I was stoned
but It would have been even better on top of vanilla ice cream

I think you anons should give it a try, its cheap and good as fuck

[Anonymous No.14414103]

>>14397484
hilarious, you might as well be david bowie in the 70s; it was cocaine, hot peppers and milk.
I used to tweak, and subsist on milk, pickles and cheese.

[Anonymous No.14414242]

>>14397231
>milky-sloppas.jpg

[Anonymous No.14415030]

>>14402603
Less food more booze
Simple as

[Anonymous No.14416043]

>>14402132
looole how do they teach him do dance is id real? xD

[Anonymous No.14416075]

>>14402348
unpeeled potatoes are based
they keep a more rich flavour, and the skin is kinda nice once you get used to it
not sure if its doable with all kinds of tater, though.

[Anonymous No.14416082]

>>14398336
underrated

[Anonymous No.14416088]

>>14402622
fucking moids

[Anonymous No.14416108]

>>14416075
Potatoes with the skin on them is fine, it's just that you don't usually boil them.

[Anonymous No.14416112]

>>14402102
you fucking retard if you only have 25$ why the fuck are you buying cans of spaghettios buy raw ingredients you MORON

[Anonymous No.14416138]

>>14408373
I'm pretty sure those are extremely rare and expensive mushrooms anon, and I can't be arsed to google

[Anonymous No.14417750]

>>14397231
my first year off campus (so no meal plan) one of my go-to meals was instant potatoes fucking DRENCHED in hot sauce. As my cooking skills progressed my go-to meal became instant potatoes DRENCHED in hot sauce with ground beef added into it. Still make it every now and then because in a weird way it became a comfort food and is oddly nostalgic.

[Anonymous No.14417763]

>>14397239
Sounds good

[Anonymous No.14417776]

I was told or I read somewhere that microwaving spam would make it fry in its own fat and it will be crispy and delicious.... bruhhh I got trolled so hard

[Anonymous No.14417948]

I made taco dogs the other day.

[Anonymous No.14418154]

>>14401131
These threads are suposed to be Roommate nightmares where we mock redditors who cant cook

[Anonymous No.14418256]

>>14402419
oh you sweet summer child

[Anonymous No.14418566]

Was so broke i had microwave popcorn with barbecue sauce for dinner once

[Anonymous No.14418570]

>>14397231
Vomlet.

Make the pledges eat onions raw eggs and cheese. The puke it up into a pan and you cook it and serve it to them.

[Anonymous No.14418579]

I would take a packet of tuna, squeeze in a mustard and mayo packet I'd take from the cafeteria and just eat it out of the packet with a fork.

Wasn't bad actually.

[Anonymous No.14418584]

>>14417750
I did the same but with steak sauce.

Now I bake potatoes, smash them, then add butter salt and steak sauce.

[Anonymous No.14418619]

Related: my wife stabbed her hand opening a plastic bag of microwave dinner today and said "I hate cooking!!"

I don't know what's worse: fucking up a microwave dinner, or thinking that's cooking.

[Anonymous No.14418780]

>>14397231
Housemate that couldn't cook thought you had to put frozen dumplings in the microwave for 45 min.
He put them on and went out to the pub.
We came home to our tower of microwaves on fire.

[Anonymous No.14418868]

>>14401970
>weed eggs
i generally have a bad time being high, but i used to keep some weed on hand when i was depressed because it helped me sleep in a pinch. i'd throw it in the blender for a minute, add gin, then a frozen banana and some strawberries, pineapple and mangoes; you know, that cheap bagged fruit you can get at walmart or any grocery. it was nice

[Anonymous No.14418876]

>>14418584
Hell yes, I had exactly that today with dinner, along with some cracked black pepper. The steak sauce does wonders for instant mash.

[Anonymous No.14419827]

>>14418868
That wouldn't work unless you used thc butter you were just eating a weed smoothie

[Anonymous No.14419895]

>>14419827
Thc is soluable in alcohol so It might have work you pessimistic faggot.

[Anonymous No.14419923]

Set off the fire alarm trying to toast some bread in a pan

[Anonymous No.14419940]

made a bunch of boiled eggs for a cutie to try and make up for date raping her, she had a few but they were runny, but she half-smiled said she liked them; then I gave her the car keys back and she left; eggs were gross but otherwise cash

[Anonymous No.14419976]

>>14419940
why did you date rape her?

[Anonymous No.14420014]

>>14397231
This happened to my neighbors in college:
>roommate 1 has a pressure cooker
>roommate 2 puts a sweet potato in to cook it
>roommate 1 and 2 ignore the pressure cooker for 5 weeks
>end of the semester: roommate 1 noticed the pressure cooker is STILL ON
>opens pressure cooker
>sees a hard, withered lump at the bottom of the cooker

[Anonymous No.14420040]

>>14419976
my consent app was buggy

[Anonymous No.14420113]

>>14402419

first day on the internet?

[Anonymous No.14420135]

>>14397634
Don't lie. You learned that from an episode of My Name Is Earl. That's what Jamie Presley fed her kids on the show.

[Anonymous No.14420137]

Probably going to put ramen noodles in an omelette this morning

[Anonymous No.14420141]

>>14420137
Like, dry noodles?

[Anonymous No.14420142]

>>14397231
my roommates made "Dessert Kraft Dinner"
where they substituted the butter for icing and the milk with cream. while leaving the cheese and noodles.
They hung the macaroni box on the wall for the rest of the semester.

[Anonymous No.14420149]

>>14420142
>milk with cream
isn't too bad, but icing instead of butter?

[Anonymous No.14420153]

>>14397930
CARLOS

[Anonymous No.14420160]

>>14414069
>cheap
You mean in quality? A box of cereal costs 4 bucks. Junkies, man

[Anonymous No.14420164]

>>14397464
Based did the same in high school

[Anonymous No.14420188]

>>14402102
>down to his last $25 for the foreseeable future
>doesn't buy rice and beans
never gonna make it

[Anonymous No.14420202]

Never have done anything too terrible but I made fried rice with left over curry once and when you fry Japanese curry it smells and tastes exactly like wet dog

[Anonymous No.14420206]

>>14402603
a lot of kids out there who never bothered to learn how to cook from mommy or daddy.
also this >>14415030

[Anonymous No.14420227]

>>14414069
>ice cream
>name brand cereal
>cheap
nigga

[Anonymous No.14420248]

>>14420149
it was sweet cream or some shit.
the type you put in starbucks cappuccinos and such.

[Anonymous No.14420319]

>>14401923
Who’s gonna stop him if he eats all the evidence and the rest just looks like the remains of some dead animal?
There’s pretty good reasons not to believe some faggot on the internet saying he ate lions and bears but citing it as a “major federal offense” is the least reasonable reason

[Anonymous No.14420335]

>>14419895
Or you were just getting drunk dipthong

[Anonymous No.14420364]

>>14402947
>frying carbs in fat and eating them in a 4% fat solution
Retardation, you’re lucky most cereal is heavily enriched with vitamins that compliment milks vitamin content or else you probably would’ve felt like garbage

[Anonymous No.14420371]

>>14407731
All you needed was bread (like you said) and avocado and you would’ve been eating good

[Anonymous No.14420391]

>>14408373
>>14416138
They are rare and apparently extremely delicious and cultivation of them is almost non-existent

[Anonymous No.14420412]

>>14418579
That’s just a really simple tuna salad so yeah, it would be alright
Just add some salt and sneasonings and you have a nice sandwich

[Anonymous No.14420450]

>>14397529
nothing wrong with that, i eat mushy peas that way

[Anonymous No.14420466]

>>14397239
probably would've been better off if you just refried them in a pan like hash browns or some shit

[Anonymous No.14420505]

I'm sure I ate some pretty rancid stuff but off the top of my head I made hamburger helper once that came with 2 packs of seasoning. It must have been a mistake in the factory because it was so salty it was almost inedible. But I was hungry and poor so i ate it anyway. Tried adding a bunch of water to dilute it and corn starch to thicken the water. It was just a fucking mess and still so salty I had heart burn for days

[Anonymous No.14420513]

>>14402102
I lost my good paying job becauae of this too. Luckily I'm handy and people have been hiring me for odd jobs so I can still pay rent and food but I'm starting to think ill never have the income I had before because so many other people are looking for work. Makes me really angry when I think about it so I try not to.

[Anonymous No.14420522]

>>14397231
Instant ramen with cream of chicken, worcestershire, and louisiana hot sauce.

[Anonymous No.14420541]

>>14397231
When I was in college I would make oatmeal and put stupid shit in it. My favorite was to put rolled oats in a bowl, sriracha, pepper, some salt, and tomatoes cut up. Sometimes in addition I would add a little cheese or cut up breakfast sausage. I actually really like it and eat it pretty much every day at work now.

[Anonymous No.14420543]

>>14416112
not him but a can of that is $.50 on sale and don't need to cook it (which also costs money).

[Anonymous No.14420568]

>>14420522
I still make noodles with cream of chicken and throw whatever vegetables in there. Its better than Mac and cheese and about the same price. Sometimes I put tuna in there if I want some protein. I've done it with chicken, bacon before but the whole point is to have a cheap easy meal so I don't really do that anymore.

[Anonymous No.14420904]

>>14397239
Based. I made a cheesy omelette with leftover onion rings just last night

[Anonymous No.14422594]

>>14397231

My roommates and I fried an egg in natural peanut butter (the kind you have to stir). No reason other than curiosity; one of them insisted it had enough oil to work. He was wrong.

I had a separate set of roommates my last semester in college and I was the only one that attempted to feed myself by cooking, but one of them would always eat random raw ingredients from my stuff. One day he ate (or maybe drank) a can of tomato paste.

I was already out of college when Honey Boo Boo was popular, but I tried Mama Junebug's sketti sauce recipe one day (ketchup and Country Crock) when I was making non-white-trash spaghetti. It tastes exactly like what they feed you in public school.

I also rolled a hot dog up in a tortilla with cheese, grilled it, and made hot dog taquitos at the nadir of the Wuhan Flu lockdown. (I'm 36.) My wife was disgusted but the kids gave it a sideways thumbs up.

[Anonymous No.14422741]

>>14422594
>peanut egg cake
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[Anonymous No.14422899]

>>14418570
Frat boys are all fucking faggot cunts.
I was the head cook for a FRAT...they're all idiots whose mommy and daddy paid for them to live in substandard housing.

[Anonymous No.14422954]

>>14402388
>Can someone please post the /ck/ beginners guide for this idiot? I'm sure even the /fit/ diet guides would help.
I'm not him but I've just moved out for the first time and would love a guide to cook cheap somewhat health shit that even retards can do

[Anonymous No.14423057]

>>14420391
Same deal as morels. I’m fine with people believing all wild mushrooms are poison; it just leaves more for me.

[Anonymous No.14423175]

>>14423057
You can still kill yourself trying to pick those other ones, morels are notoriously easy to identify as long as you do your research, but those other ones have relatives that - among other things - cause explosive diarrhea. Also, they are apparently supposed to be relatively young and thoroughly cooked to even make them edible to begin with.

[Anonymous No.14424080]

>>14397231
I can take pics tomorrow if I’m not lazy but here’s a good description
>pre COVID 19, no new roommates
>kitchen is always relatively clean
>there’s a ton of shit in the fridge but none of it is not moldy, rotten, or leaking
>If anything gets gross in the fridge it’s usually cleaned up immediately and the bad shit thrown away
>cook several times a week
>nobody uses any of my shit
Post COVID 19 with new roommate that’s an absolute shithead
>everything is dirty
>there’s a ton of shit in the fridge
>there’s moldy and rotten shit in the fridge
>the floor is dirty
>everything is dirty
>someone uses my spices despite it being clearly in a private cabinet with a sign saying not to use our shit
>someone drinks/eats my food that i bought
>I have grown depressed and rarely cook because it’s always such a mess
>someone also uses the pots and pans also in a labeled cabinet and makes them dirty and/or scratches the fuck out of them
I’m starting to think he’s a recent immigrant or something (he’s Indian) bc he never really talks and really just doesn’t understand American products or American standards of asking before you use something and cleanliness and all that. If he just asked me something or talked to me I would be understanding, I don’t try to give off an offensive or scary presence. Starting to feel bad for the guy unless he’s just a normal fucker that doesn’t care about other people.

What can you do I guess

[Anonymous No.14424747]

>>14397626

Are you fucking stupid? It doesn't need to be cooked retard. My dad and i would make spam & mustard sandwiches all the time, straight from the can.

[Anonymous No.14424757]

>>14401970
>He also used to wash the floors with the same sponges he used to clean plates, even though we had a dog tracking in literal shit. "The dish soap cleans it all," he'd say. I bought my own plates and sponges.

The first and only time I lived with roommates, this stupid 30 year old white bitch going to college for like the third time for psychology would just wipe whatever shit up with the dish sponge and then think it's okay to wash dishes with it.

My other roommates were a chinese girl (great and we liked the same shitty tv shows, had a lot of fun conversation) an indian guy and girl (the girl was a party girl with no real hobbies but was nice and clean, the guy was super into being a generic entrepreneur but was one of the nicest most positive guys and I loved chatting with him, and the white bitch was the only one I can say I fucking hated.

Rubbed that bitches toothbrush in the toilet when i was moving out.

[Anonymous No.14424764]

>>14402419

kek

[Anonymous No.14424767]

Bought liverwurst from the deli cus it was cheap. Tasted like shit. Roommate put it in a wonton wrapper and made dumplings

[Anonymous No.14424769]

>spaghetti takes a long time to cook
>ramen only take 3 minutes
>I know, I'll microwave some ramen noodles and pour spaghetti sauce on it and it'll basically be 3 minute spaghetti!
>try it
>mfw

[Anonymous No.14424835]

>best friend and I moved in together for a couple of years
>shit was fun as fuck
>stay up late playing vidya and partying
>only one issue
>he was the worst cook I've ever seen
>one day he cooks a whole bag of egg noodles
>starts eating the noodles straight from the pot, no seasoning or anything
>stops after a few bites and says it needs something
>microwaves two sticks of butter and pours it into the pot
>proceeds to eat an entire pot of plain noodles and butter

He had never lived outside of his parent's place before and would do shit like this when he wasn't choking down taco bell and dominos. I tried to teach him how to cook and eat better but some people don't want to learn. After two years he went to the hospital, his intestines just kinda shut down one day and they had to surgically remove several pounds of shit.

[Anonymous No.14425148]

>>14403474
kek

[Anonymous No.14425192]

>>14404883
Based

[Anonymous No.14425217]

>>14397231
I put honey in my omelettes once for no good reason. It was disgusting.

[Anonymous No.14425247]

>>14424769
you lazy fuck. making pasta isnt hard and nor is sauce.
>fill pot with water and add some salt
>put pot on stove
>heat till boiling
>put in pasta
>cook for 7mins

Sauce
>chop half an onion and 2 cloves of garlic
>put olive in 2nd pan
>add onions, garlic and a stem of basil.cook on low
>add tin tomatoes before garlic browns. cook on high

Combining pasta and sauce
>sauce will be reduced. add strained pasta and season with salt.
>finish with butter

[Anonymous No.14425251]

>>14425247
*>put olive OIL in 2nd pan

[Anonymous No.14425265]

>>14424769
>3 minute spaghetti!
It offends me that this is something you would have even wanted, how lazy is the man who says fucking spaghetti takes a long time to cook, good god

[Anonymous No.14425277]

>>14425217
Statements like this remind me why revolutions in cooking techniques or ingredient combinations really aren't that common.

[Anonymous No.14425312]

>>14402419
>probably a phone poster

[Anonymous No.14425322]

>>14425251
>>14425247
Fuck sake bro, I just fried a half an onion, 2 cloves of garlic and an olive. Can I still salvage this?

[Anonymous No.14425324]

>>14425217

My girlfriend in college used to put a little cinnamon in her omelettes. It's weird but I definitely developed a taste for it.

[Anonymous No.14425389]

>>14408362
It would but bechamel has a flavor profile that just dosent fit at all with chocolate. You want something like a custard to mix in with chocolate instead.

[Anonymous No.14425411]

>>14410505
Please tell me what eldritch contraption was left in there? Or did it just explode?

[Anonymous No.14425446]

>Be me playing an RPG game with two other friends and roommate bf
>Shit's buidling up, this game was gonna start them on the really paranormal stuff, im excited as all hell.
>Retard new roommate comes in to make fried chicken for the first time ever using my pot and my oil and my bf's cake tin to put the flour
>Im not looking at him in the slightest, trying to ignore him entirely
>Starts frying shit and thick-ass white smoke starts billowing out of the fucking oven
>Open a window and use a towel to try to get smoke out
>End up breathing a shit ton of it in and fall on the floor coughing up a storm
>Entire building gets evacuated
>Call him a retard and insult his ass to everyone in my pyjama pants and nothing else in the middle of the night
>Come back in half an hour later and all my friends left
>Dude talks on his family about how i wanted to beat him up and he was just waiting for it to fuck my shit up
>Says it was nothing
>After this, COVID happens and the game is fucking canceled forever
Fuck that nigger.

[Anonymous No.14425494]

>>14425446
>my bf
recipe for a delightful quiche or GTFO, faggot

[Anonymous No.14425968]

>>14425494
I am a retard and forgot bf meant boyfriend for a moment. I meant best friend.
Also quiche fucking sucks and tastes like nothing most of the time. Its like a badly seasonned, slightly overcooked omelette in a pie crust.

[Anonymous No.14426078]

>>14397231
obviously the worst thing I ate was cafeteria food. powdered eggs, cisco hamburgers. it was all bad. I had a rice cooker and would make rice with corn and salsa and eat that most days.

[Anonymous No.14426191]

>>14397231
I had this italian roommate who was high all the time. He used to re heat kebabs in the pan up to 2 days after first use especially when drunk. One night I hear a big noise and cursing in italian coming from the kitchen : the pan falling on the floor. Weeks later, he had left the flat. While cleaning one day, I found half a kebab under the kitchen sink he had just swept underneath instead of cleaning it (great roomate btw) Believe it or not, there were no maggots, no ants, no life to claim the dish back for mother nature. Just some spider webs around it. Thats prolly a good indicator of how chemically hazardous the meat was. A bit like in huge fast food chains where their burgers never decay. Animals wouldnt eat that.

[Anonymous No.14426229]

>>14425494
Being this much of a closet case that you need to call out an anonymous post on a food discussion/anime board

[Anonymous No.14426266]

>>14398336
id watch it

[Anonymous No.14426296]

>>14420113
ask me how i know you are no older than 16, you wannabe oldfag. fuck off back to r/4chan nigger

[Anonymous No.14426317]

>>14397231
Would get so poor I would have to fry hardtack for lunch out of flour, water, and salt.

[Anonymous No.14426362]

>>14425494
>>14425968
crust:
150g wheat flour, 100g rye flour, 150g margarine or butter (butter tastes better, margarine makes more flaky/crumbly dough), 1 egg and 1 tsp salt.
Mix flour, salt and fat until pebbly, combine with the egg to bind together. Blind bake at like 180c for 15 min

filling:
~1 leek
~1-2 medium-large onions (red prefferably)
~1 bundle of spring onion
~250g or however much cubed ham/pork/chicken whatever really floats your boat, a lean and light tasting meat.
Cut and sweat the vegetals however small you like them, if the meat is raw fry it on the side, add turmeric, salt and pepper to taste to vegetals when sweated, and add in the meat.
~10 eggs, 2dl milk, 1 tsp nutmeg and salt+pepper to taste for egg mixture

spread fillings in crust, add egg mix on top. bake ~45min at 180c or until the top is puffed up and lightly browning.

[Anonymous No.14426366]

>>14426362
~1-2 leeks, fug
Depends on size, you want around the same volume of vegetals (before sweating) as the volume of the form you bake the quiche in.

[Anonymous No.14427343]

>>14397231
This wasn't "bad" but I do a lot of great depression recipes I got from family and stuff. You can reliably double your ground meat, canned meat or fish flakes if you mix in the same amount of boiled oats and put in about a quarter more of the spices you were going to use. Also you can and should reuse rendered pork fat.

[Anonymous No.14427361]

>>14397231
My friend and I had a meal we liked to make where we would get some sausages from the store (the vacuum sealed kind obviously), chop them up, then put them in the rice cooker on the steam tray while the rice cooked underneath it. The result was the fat from the sausage would drip onto the rice and it was quite good. After that I would throw some shredded cheddar all over and it was nice.

[Anonymous No.14427555]

>>14413355
Wow. You realize toasting rice in oil is based right?

[Anonymous No.14428190]

>>14398337
Who bottomed first? Two guys in a Texas trailer. We all know y'all fucked.

[Anonymous No.14428192]

>>14418154
You're a retarded.

[Anonymous No.14428195]

>>14397231
roommate filled a steel saucepan with water, put that in the microwave for 9 minutes. i removed it and lectured him and he responded by throwing up in the sink, turning the faucet on, and going to work. i've always aspired to be this based

[Anonymous No.14428200]

>>14397231
Would season tilapia, and cook it with rice, basically making dirty rice with fish. A few days of meals off a few bucks.

[Anonymous No.14428290]

>>14425446
You’re either trying to heavily imply you’re a girl without actually saying it or you’re literally some dude that was hanging out with three other dudes and you were shirtless in pajama pants while you did it

[Anonymous No.14428297]

>>14426317
>I would have to fry hardtack... out of flour, water, and salt.
That’s not even remotely close to how you make hardtack unless you’re saying you fried hardtack you previously made which is just even more retarded.

[Anonymous No.14428309]

>>14427361
Why didn’t you just get raw sausages? They would’ve had more fat to render and more juices to drip, and honestly, cheddar with rice and sausage sounds abominably bad.

[Anonymous No.14428425]

>>14428290
I hate wearing shirts and ive got enough hair to not really feel cold regardless. But I might have been wearing a shirt and forgot.

[Anonymous No.14428434]

>>14426229

>being so mad that you forgot to greentext

[Anonymous No.14428582]

Ended up with about $14 after paying my bills and gas for the week, so I just bought a fifth Canadian whiskey, a big bag of rice and huge loaf of white bread. Used some really old onions with rotten spots and a half stick of butter in my fridge to add flavor. Stole stole individual ground coffee packets and continental breakfast items from from the hotel I worked at, also. At least I was skinny.

[Anonymous No.14428622]

An old lady I worked with could tell that I was a poor, hungry student so she gave me a couple bags full of groceries, and made up some excuse like one of her renters had left it. It was all weird shit that a 19 year-old would never eat like condensed milk, grape nut cereal, canned Lima beans, and broken ice cream cones. I would be drinking with a buddy and he would get hungry so I would offer him some caraway seeds and canned beets.

[Anonymous No.14428632]

One time we were trying to make panko crusted chicken in the dorms, and we asked one friend to transfer the oil from one pan to another. He proceeded to pick up the pan with two fingers and dump the hot oil all over the stove and starting a fire.

[Anonymous No.14428633]

Not even college but in high school I would microwave salami and fill the greasy cupped up slices with bbq sauce. Even though that shit is appalling to me now, making terrible food like that inspired me to cook so no regrets

[Anonymous No.14428690]

>>14399595
Grody

[Anonymous No.14428750]

>day 2 of living with new roommate
>he asks how to turn the burner on

[Anonymous No.14428916]

>>14402419
puts in his ass
it breaks
blood pours out as he tries to take glass pieces out

[Anonymous No.14429862]

>>14404775
go clean your pans you degenerate

[Anonymous No.14430038]

All my friends think taking something frozen out of a packet and sticking it in the oven for 30 minutes is cooking