Do YOU know how to eat bread on a formal setting?

[Anonymous No.14162919]

[Anonymous No.14162922]

>>14162919
>Eating carbs

[Anonymous No.14162934]

>>14162919
there is no such thing as "formal dining", op.
just eat the food like you aren't a slob.
and no, you don't eat the bread.
it's only there for show.

[Anonymous No.14162944]

>>14162919
Yeah, my family ate out a lot when I was little. It was funny when a friend would come out with us and they'd do weird shit like butter the entire piece of bread or cut it in half down the middle with the butter knife.

[Anonymous No.14162974]

>>14162944

lol, what a bunch hillbillies. Everyone knows that you supposed to put the butter with your dick! This is why women have to bring strapons to a formal restaurant.

[Anonymous No.14163014]

>>14162919
Yes. Take bread with hands. Break it with hands. Butter piece of broken bread with butter knife. Eat bread piece with hands. Repeat until bread is gone. Do not throw bread at anyone else at table.

[Anonymous No.14163018]

>>14163014
>Do not throw bread at anyone else at table.
Wrong - classic mistake

[Anonymous No.14163026]

>>14162919
I actually don't. How do?

[Anonymous No.14163030]

I butter the whole bread and then bite off of it just like I cut up the entire steak before I start eating. It’s much more efficient and allows me to finish eating about 80% faster than anyone else at the table at which point I get on my phone.

[Anonymous No.14163032]

>>14163026
see >>14163014

[Anonymous No.14163034]

>>14163030
based autist

[Anonymous No.14163045]

You can take the whole bread and shove it inside the butter. That way i dont need a knife.

[Anonymous No.14163124]

I'll eat however the fuck I'd like to eat and if they don't like it they can ask me to leave.

[Anonymous No.14163126]

>tfw get crumbs everywhere like a retard
one of these days I should take an iq test to settle whether I'm a retard once and for all

[Anonymous No.14163143]

>>14162919
Imagine how fucking bored bluebloods had to be to create super sekrit rules of dining beyond "don't be a gross slob".

[Anonymous No.14163220]

>>14163124
>I'll eat however the fuck I'd like to eat and if they don't like it they can ask me to leave.

[Anonymous No.14163264]

>>14162919
N.B. this actually depends on where you are, British and French manners are as described here - break a piece of bread off, butter it, eat by hand. Continental European manners (e.g. what you'd see in Vienna) are to cut the bread through, optional to butter in pieces or whole.

Plenty of other examples, like asparagus being a finger food, and how to load the fork.

[Anonymous No.14163319]

>>14163220
What are you trying to say?

[Anonymous No.14163329]

>>14163264
>asparagus being a finger food
Nigga what?

[Anonymous No.14163338]

>>14162944
Not everyone is a CEO's sheltered faggot son that had the privilege to eat 5 course meals with daddy every night.

[Anonymous No.14163343]

>>14163319
That you should eat in your car if you don't wanna behave.

[Anonymous No.14163345]

>>14163014
>Butter piece of broken bread with butter knife.
the fact that you're not specifying the chain of possession that led to you having butter in the first place shows you in fact have never eaten bread respectfully in the presence of others.

[Anonymous No.14163356]

>>14163124
>I make it through social gatherings by being a pompous ass and hoping nobody calls me out
it must be nice to have so much time to yourself!

[Anonymous No.14163357]

>>14163338
There used to be this thing called "middle class". Is that why you vote for Trump? You're too young to remember a middle class?

[Anonymous No.14163374]

>>14163343
There's a difference between behaving and following old rules that have been around since the middle ages and are no longer relevant.

[Anonymous No.14163378]

>>14163338
your local public library has a VHS or DVD on manners, I'm sure.

[Anonymous No.14163385]

>>14163374
name 3 "old rules" that you think are no longer relevant

[Anonymous No.14163387]

>>14163356
Oh, heaven forbid I use the salad fork for something other than salad!

[Anonymous No.14163401]

>>14163387
I doubt you've ever been in a situation where both forks are present, so I'm not worried about you on that one, friend.

[Anonymous No.14163416]

In Tennessee, the elementary school I went to had a yearly bus trip to DC to do the typical tourist shit for the kids who have never been. The teacher told us that she didn't want a bunch of ignorant hillbilly children making a fool of her when we were to go to the fancy dress dinner party while we were there, so she had a "specialist" come in and teach us table manners, dinning and conversation etiquette.

Remember that scene from Pretty Woman where the hotel guy is teaching Vivian which fork is used for what? It was like that.

I'm actually very grateful for it, because this knowledge has come in handy after all these years and when I'm eating with a man-pig who's got their snout in the bowl, I totally understand why my teacher insisted on teaching us.

[Anonymous No.14163420]

>>14163385
1. Elbows off the table and left hand on your lap. It was because lots of people were crammed together on a table and having your elbows on it took up space.

2. Knife in right hand, fork in left hand. I'll use whichever hand I please. My mom was always picky about this.

3. Leave a bite of food uneaten to show you're not still hungry for more.

[Anonymous No.14163430]

>>14162919
>he doesn't just eat cheddar bay biscuits by the handful when he goes out for fine dining
lmaoing at ur life

[Anonymous No.14163460]

>>14163357
You better not have voted for Obama or Hillary if you care about the vanishing middle class/

[Anonymous No.14163461]

>>14163420
I guess since you're an obvious teenager I'll break this down for you
>cramped eating arrangements still exist
>lefthandfags still exist and will still fuck your seating arrangement if you let them
the last point is just disappointing to see... this is all just theoretical for you, isn't it? when was your last dinner party, both hosted and invited?

[Anonymous No.14163463]

>>14162919
Do I care? The answer is no.

[Anonymous No.14163476]

>>14163387
>who invited that guy grinding his salad fork into the roast
yea that'd actually be pretty embarrassing for you

[Anonymous No.14163484]

>>14163460
Republicans are the reason for the vanishing middle class, and if Trump has any kind of actual agenda it's basically to widen the wealth gap as far as possible in America.

[Anonymous No.14163485]

>>14163461
not him but 2011
god I miss living with my family before they disowned me

[Anonymous No.14163491]

>>14163461
I have never seen formal dining where people are crammed together like a bench at a fucking school cafeteria.

[Anonymous No.14163496]

>>14163491
must not exist then, huh?

[Anonymous No.14163510]

>>14163496
Because rich people are known for huddling together in confined spaces and the poor are so well known for their refined, formal table manners.

[Anonymous No.14163520]

>>14163510
>>14163491
Never been to someone's house and there was one more person than the normal number of seats on the table? This seems strangely hard for you to conceive of anon

[Anonymous No.14163525]

>>14163510
>my stereotypes are bulletproof arguments
mind your manners, son.

[Anonymous No.14163536]

>>14163491
imagine spending tens of thousands of dollars on planning a wedding & reception and some asshole can't control his elbows after having to seat all the +1's that showed up unannounced.

[Anonymous No.14163537]

>>14163520
Never one as pedantic as actual formal dining, which I'm guessing any time you don't eat like a total fucking slob you consider formal.

>>14163525
Nigger, I'm 30.

[Anonymous No.14163541]

>>14163537
>people over 30 don't have fathers
you live in a strange world.

[Anonymous No.14163543]

>>14163536
Boo-fucking-ho. Elbows don't even take up that much space unless you're a total lardass.

>>14163541
>Making fun of my dead father by pretending to be my father

[Anonymous No.14163545]

i have no idea how non-flyover restaurants work in general and don't care because they are just more conspicuous consumption by bourgeois shitheels who would all be laying in pools of blood rn if there was a lick of justice in this cthulu tier hell reality where no one ever sees the fault of their ways, justice is not just blind but has a broken neck, and no one ever pays their dues.

you can call me based if you want, maybe even redpilled

[Anonymous No.14163547]

>>14163543
>elbows don't take up that much space
littering doesn't take up that much space either, as long as it's just one asshole doing it

[Anonymous No.14163548]

>>14163545
You sound like a retarded commie.

[Anonymous No.14163551]

>>14163543
>Boo-fucking-ho. Elbows don't even take up that much space unless you're a total lardass.
Everyday I'm more and more convinced that 90% of this board has never cooked a meal or been out to a real restaurant in their lives.

[Anonymous No.14163558]

>>14162919
>grab the loaf with my bare hands and rip it in half shedding crumbs across the table cloth
>dip the bread into the butter
>lean back into my chair, glass of wine in one hand and bread in the other
>while mouth is full, wave my wine glass hand into the air splashing the next table with cabernet
>MORE BREAD
>the power of my now crumbed suit and tie makes the wagies quiver, they immediately brings me two more baskets

[Anonymous No.14163559]

>>14163548
i know. i also made the gay "laying/lying" mistake and immediately regretted it after hitting submit and proofreading then, feels bad but not too bad because it's time to sip more gimlets

[Anonymous No.14163563]

>>14163401
Anon both forks are probably both present whenever the utensil drawer is opened, don't be silly.

[Anonymous No.14163565]

>>14163547
>>14163551
I knew you fucks would go nuts over the elbows comment, because that's the only one I'm guessing any of you have even heard of.

[Anonymous No.14163583]

Cut bread in pieces with knife, use fork to stab bread piece, dip in butter and eat.

[Anonymous No.14163586]

>>14163565
go to /soc/ for daddy issue discussion, anon

[Anonymous No.14163623]

>>14163586
Shut the fuck up. Stupid rules like breaking the bread with your hands first, but then using a fork and knife ever time after that are just pointless.

[Anonymous No.14163635]

>>14163623
>daddy never taught me the point therefore it's pointless

[Anonymous No.14163659]

>>14163485
what happened?

[Anonymous No.14163660]

Damn, so many salty poorfags in this thread. It would be one thing if your parents taught you basic manners and you later decided that certain things were kind of archaic and overly formal (not that eating bread falls into that category), but everyone is just mad at a thing they know nothing about. It's the same reason every tipping thread is so stupid; everyone complaining about tipping has either never paid for a restaurant meal in their life (or just paid for one for the first time), or lives in a country that doesn't have a tipping culture.

[Anonymous No.14163672]

>>14163659
boy lust

[Anonymous No.14163682]

>>14163345
GO FUCK YOURSELF ASSHOLE WOW YOU ARE A REAL JERK AND I HOPE YOU DIE.

[Anonymous No.14163693]

>>14163461
>lefthandfags still exist and will still fuck your seating arrangement if you let them
This is why you must take the first napkin.

[Anonymous No.14163739]

>>14163623
>Stupid rules
Although proper etiquette feels pointless to some people, it's actually true that you don't wish to offend people you may care about. Etiquette is actually a form of respect and caring of other people. Are you a good host? Friend? Employee? Do you not care about the people you eat with or who prepared food for you?

Do they want to see you do something upsetting to them? It's not all horrors of uncouth behaviors, of course. So, it might seem overboard, but the basis for every "rule" of etiquette has a source from somewhere sensible and polite. All. Rules.

For bread specifically, let's try to figure out wtf is wrong with not using rules? Are you stuffing huge bites in your mouth that are far too big like Mark Weins? If people have to wait for you to chew enourmous bites, they are also waiting for you to reply to them. It took me 4 hours to make that bread, and you ate it in 2 bites, did you even appreciate? Are you biting off food right at the mouth where crumbs end up on your hosts floor or tablecloth or face, and then placing bit into food back onto your plate? Are you cutting bread, mid-air at the table not over a plate? Are you wanting to butter that bread at once so you can rush through and not talk to me? Are you eating dangerously too fast? Do people need to worry about you choking? Are those palms holding that entire roll even clean? Is that knife the same knife used on your saucey meat? Is that dull knife now being used with force possibly slipping out of your hand while you try to saw open something better torn? Are you saying your food should have been prepared better in the kitchen, pre sliced for you? Did the cook do wrong? Sorry to offend you. It's not all about judging, just offending. As you dine with your boss/mate's family, they need to worry about how you can offend important guests in future if you didn't learn basic table manners..what other important things did you skip?

[Anonymous No.14163760]

>>14163660
>everyone is just mad because they are poor

pic related. how do your parents teach you etiquette if they are poor? that doesn't even make any sense. niggers who randomly assault wh*toids in urban centers are based for this reason, you will always be an evil, unsympathetic faggot attempting to lord over others til the knuckles hit.

[Anonymous No.14163794]

With a fork

[Anonymous No.14163842]

>>14163760
>reading comprehension

[Anonymous No.14164011]

>>14163842
that post still 100% applies but you are too spooked sorry lad

[Anonymous No.14164081]

>>14162919

that's what the bread fork and spoon are for

[Anonymous No.14164194]

>>14163760
buy the Tiffany guide it's only like 50 pages and meant for preteens

[Anonymous No.14165429]

>>14163623
You can't drive a manual right? Sorry dad left anon

[Anonymous No.14165689]

>>14162974
Don't be crass, you're supposed to apply the butter with your fingers.

[Anonymous No.14165815]

Can we all collectively admit dining manners are made up bullshit by 200 year dead busybody housewives and it doesn't matter which side of the plate you put your fork?

[Anonymous No.14165820]

>>14162919
there is very little I know about a formal setting. I try to avoid them and they try to avoid me.

[Anonymous No.14165841]

>>14165815
No.

[Anonymous No.14165860]

>>14165815
>inb4 some elitist fag says i hate it because I aint it
I was raised by upper middle class parents that worried about this shit. I just think your every action at dinner being controlled by a foppish powdered-wig ritual is just retarded

[Anonymous No.14165879]

I mean I think etiquette is kinda fun

[Anonymous No.14165881]

>>14165820
Based. Fuck formal settings.

[Anonymous No.14165914]

>>14163329
By British manners asparagus is a finger food, held by the base of the spear, dipped tipwise in hollandaise. Not covered in butter for obvious reasons.

>>14165815
I think they serve a plenty good purpose as a social normaliser, all you need to do is spend £15 on Debrett's and you will fit in. Then gradually pick up on the rules nobody follows and do as you please. Otherwise there'd be different standards for every clique under the sun. The real issue is that manners aren't taught in school.

[Anonymous No.14165951]

>>14163739
Aspergers

[Anonymous No.14165958]

>>14162919
>eat bread on a formal setting?

Yes. Formally take the shit and put it in your mouth. Chew and swallow. Then never forget the reason WHY you actually put food into your body, and realize how much of it you're wasting with arbitrary rules just to look good and make other people feel comfortable.

[Anonymous No.14166090]

>>14162944
h...how else are you supposed to eat bread?

[Anonymous No.14166123]

>>14165958
Your outlook is dreadful. Just totally devoid of any real substance.

[Anonymous No.14166151]

>>14165914
>social normalizer
You might see how a nation containing hundreds of cultures each with their own traditions and ideas of socially normal behavior might be inclined to be less rigid about holding people to these standards.

It’s far easier to fit into a monoculture. But then for better or worse Americans generally would rather lead than follow.

[Anonymous No.14166153]

>>14166090
Just like in the OP image. Move a (whole) piece of bread to your bread plate along with a pat of butter, rip off a bite sized piece, butter and eat that individual piece.

[Anonymous No.14167385]

>>14162944
>>14166153
is this some sort of trolling?

[Anonymous No.14167390]

>>14163338
Hahahaha nice one

[Anonymous No.14167412]

>>14163760
Oh shiiiit
>"attempting to Lord over others until the knuckles hit"
B-B-B-B-BAAASSED

[Anonymous No.14167415]

>>14165860
You got a great way with words my friend.

[Anonymous No.14167417]

>>14167385
No. Why the fuck are you doing a butter sandwish at a restaurant. This >>14166153 is how you eat bread and butter, you dumb fuck.

[Anonymous No.14167424]

I remember this time I was at a fancy resturaunt we got crabcakes as an appetizer and the dry pieces of shit would crumble when i tried putting a fork in them so I naturally just picked it up with my hand my aunt got so mad, I didn't give a fuck I was just doing what worked.

[Anonymous No.14167425]

>>14162919
I just put the whole thing in my mouth and swallow it whole.

[Anonymous No.14167486]

>>14167385
Of course not, dum dum. That's how you eat bread.

[Anonymous No.14167487]

>>14162922
>carving Ears

[Anonymous No.14167524]

>>14163356
Following silly faggot rules when eating is what a pompous ass does.

[Anonymous No.14167539]

>>14162919
I once went to a restaurant with a rich family. We ate sandwiches with fork and knife.

[Anonymous No.14167541]

>>14163143
The rules aren't super secret. They're super simple: the easiest way to enjoy your food without grossing others out.

[Anonymous No.14168270]

>>14162922
>eating

[Anonymous No.14168343]

>>14163491
There’s a lot of upscale restaurants in NYC where you’re packed in like sardines. At least before the virus.

[Anonymous No.14168363]

>>14162944
>cut it in half down the middle with the butter knife
I usually slice mine open and put some butter in the middle

[Anonymous No.14168552]

>on a formal setting

Why is a spic trying to lecture me about etiquette

[Anonymous No.14168601]

>>14168552
how many languages can you speak?

[Anonymous No.14169091]

>>14166123
On the contrary, it's full of substance because I'm not wasting shitloads of time trying to look "proper" while eating fucking bread and instead spending that time on things that fill my life with joy.

[Anonymous No.14169162]

>>14169091
Self-obsession is kinda shallow.

[Anonymous No.14169212]

>>14168601
i can barely speak english but drive a bentley

[Anonymous No.14169242]

>>14162922
Imagine being afraid of a carb like a little pussy.
Also you do realize your brain uses glucose to function? Maybe that's why you're so dumb.