Food Horror stories?

[Anonymous No.13653861]

>Be 8 years old
>Go and visit stinky grandmas house
>Spend the night there
>She is 68 years old
>All she does is smoke cigarettes indoors and pound beers all day
>Scary as shit. Looks like the crypt keeper
>She makes me chicken and veggies on her stove top
>Top layer of chicken is burnt to a crisp but when you cut into it is pink as hell
>I take one bite and spit it out immediatly
>She forces me to take another bite. Insisting it is cooked thoroughly
>I end up eating a whole uncooked chicken breast
>I was crying hysterically while doing it
>After about an hour or two I sat in the bathroom all night shitting my brains out while she sat outside the door yelling at me

I asked my parents why they would leave me with her years later and they always fumbled around the subject. I was seriously ill from it and never got treatment. Till this day I am extremely picky about eating chicken. I have an aversion to it despite the fact I know it can be delicious. I also hate old people too.

[None !2Code3TV3M No.13653873]

the reason they fumbled about the subjects is that your parents left you there so they could go have sex, potentially as swingers.

you're welcome and I hope this has cured your aversion to eating chicken

[Anonymous No.13653876]

>>13653861
Big question: did she have a cat?

[Anonymous No.13653886]

>>13653861
I've got nothing like that, I'd have to think. I have a few not quite horror but fuck's sake stories.

>Be ten
>relatives I've never seen before (And who would later go on to steal 10k+ from my family)
>I hated them
>Fat
>ugly and rude
>talk for a week straight about ' beer can chicken' like it's the second coming of christ
>literally never shut the fuck up about it
>they make it
>THIS IS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER HAD
>You guys like it too right, how is it?
>chicken burned to fuck, basically only the breasts were edible, and they took those for themselves

[Anonymous No.13653893]

>>13653876
I cant visit my grandparents anymore since they got a cat a couple years ago
Such vile creatures

[Anonymous No.13653902]

>>13653873
>the reason they fumbled about the subjects is that your parents left you there so they could go have sex, potentially as swingers.
>you're welcome and I hope this has cured your aversion to eating chicken

Well thank you for the theory. However I don't believe they were swinging. I just think they were desperate to go out to party in their 20's once in a while and figured what is the worst that could happen from my dads mom.

>>13653876
She did actually. Why do you ask?

[Anonymous No.13653919]

>>13653902
>Why do you ask?
You were definitely eating cat shit particles. Unhygienic people + cats = cat shit in all the food there. Now I'm not saying you have toxo, but you might. The irrational scarred for life over one little stupid thing from childhood points to toxoplasmosis.

[Anonymous No.13653934]

Reminds me of a story from my youth

>Go over to friends tims house from school.
>Its his birthday party
>Never been over there before
>Me and another friend are the only ones who show up
>Place is a fucking drug den
>It is an old as fuck house too so everything creeks
>Dad is nowhere to be found but he is tweaking
>Mom looks like kingpin landlord (Pic related)
>We spend all day watching movies in his room because that is the only thing we are allowed to do
> If we set foot outside the room we were taunted with phsyical abuse
>Fall asleep
>Wake up in the morning
>Tim's mom says she is making french toast
>FUCKYEAH.JPEG
>Run downstairs and we all gather at the table
>Mom is preparing the breakfast
>Walk by the sink and see the dishes are full of mold
>She uses the same dishes to cook the food with
>She fucking licks the whisp and spatula while cooking the food
>Look over my left and both of tims younger siblings are going to town on their boogers. Seriously eating it like fun dip
>Food is served
>Me and friend refuse to eat it
>Tim's dad appears out of nowhere in his pissstained underwear and tank top. Huge fucking hog bulging too.Very transparent
>"Now boys my wife worked very hard to make you breakfast"
>This ghoulish fuck scared us so bad we scarfed it down
>All while Tim's dad watched us and his siblings ate there boogers

Fucking horrible mate

[Anonymous No.13653940]

>>13653919

So for the last few minutes I have been reading up on it and I have to say it makes sense. She was a batshit old lady who was horny as fuck BTW. Also she only had one cat at the time but she always had cats who "dissapeared" randomly.

I can't tell whether to thank you or say fuck you for bringing this disturbing revalation into my life

[Anonymous No.13653944]

>>13653919

So I have been reading about this since you just told me and it does make sense in hindsight. She also had multiple cats before this that just "dissapreared". Plus she was a horny old fuck for an old lady.

I can't tell wether to thank you or tell you to fuck off for this revalation btw

[Anonymous No.13653953]

>>13653940
It's not as big of a deal as people make it out to be. It's also a lot harder to get if you haven't owned a cat your whole life. Something like once or twice in a cat's lifetime can you get toxo from it. I'm kind of just painting a picture for you of how filthy and gross her house probably was. You could have gotten sick eating anything there. You're fine.
(cats really are pretty gross pets tho)

[Anonymous No.13653962]

>>13653944
>>13653940

Oops those are both me. For some reason my computer froze and I thought my message did't go through

[Anonymous No.13654018]

Sometimes I don't realize the milk has curdled until I'm a couple sips deep into my coffee

[Anonymous No.13654964]

Drank juice I left in the fridge overnight and in the morning there were abunch of ants in it

[Anonymous No.13655275]

>>13653940
toxoplasmosis is for chads, congratulations
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5994116/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17435678

[Anonymous No.13655284]

>Be me
>Lives in a house with 18 cats who walk and sleep everywhere, including the kitchen

>try cooking

[Anonymous No.13655292]

>>13655275
>parasite pozzed meathead cope

[Anonymous No.13655296]

>>13655284
why are you hoarding cats?

[Anonymous No.13655300]

>>13655292
low-T making this anon irritable

[Anonymous No.13655307]

>>13655296
my mom is

what can I do? kill them?

recently one cat had 5 kittens and she kept them all. she previously had 13.

[Anonymous No.13655308]

>>13655300

[Anonymous No.13655312]

>>13655307
yeah kill them
report it to animal services
get a social worker or something
sounds fucking awful, really

[Anonymous No.13655325]

>>13653876
>>13653902
>>13653919
my aunt and uncle were heavy smokers. house always smelled like shit and they'd smoke in the faces of their children and guests without even opening a window. they had like 4-5 cats and 6+ dogs at all times.
dad always complained about the cats on the furniture and tables. wouldn't eat anything there unless it came out of an unopened container. he wasn't super hygienic himself to put it into perspective at how repulsed he was.
fast forward 10 years and they stopped smoking completely. instead of cigarettes, however, their house now smelled like cat piss.
uncle died from various health conditions brought on by smoking and eating like shit. aunt shot herself.
wouldn't be surprised if they both had toxo.

[Anonymous No.13655330]

>>13655307
>owning cats
>not spaying and neutering them
literally destroying the local environment

[Anonymous No.13655348]

So I was ten years old, and it was Thanksgiving at Grandma's. There were other kids around, but they're like twelve to fifteen so they were busy trying to 'explore' each other. These are second cousins, mind you. The adults were already pounding down rum and beer like the rapture is happening tomorrow. I just decide to go find a dark corner to hide in because some fatty fifteen year old was looking for me to play house with. Fuck that, I'm hiding out until the food is ready. So eventually the food is ready. I take my seat and I can see that everyone is in varying stages of shitfaced, kids included. Uncle jumps on the dining table right over the turkey, yells 'Look! It's a map of Ireland' and drops trouser right over the bird. I swear I saw some pubes land on the turkey, all over the yams and the mashed potato. I slid out of my chair, stole some money from my passed-out dad's wallet and just went to the chinese place downstairs alone.

[Anonymous No.13655374]

>>13653861
That sounds very fucked up OP. My dad always hated chicken when I was growing up because my grandma didn’t know how to cook so her chicken was always undercooked when my dad ate it.

[Anonymous No.13655405]

>>13653861
>be 20 years old
>accepted at university two hours away from parents house
>have to move in with grandparents for two years because they live in the same city as the school
>grandad doesn’t know how to cook at all so never does
>grandma can sort of cook but her vision and sense of smell are starting to go
>every dish she prepares is either overcooked, undercooked, or is prepared with ingredients that have already gone bad
>get food poisoning within a month of moving there
>grandma won’t let me cook anything by myself because she insists that I won’t know how to

It ended being an overall positive experience as I got a full time job just so I would always have an excuse to be out of the house and eating somewhere else. I met my current gf at the job i got back then.

[Anonymous No.13655444]

>>13655325
what happened to the cats

[Anonymous No.13655445]

>private elementary school
>nasty ass tuna sandwhiches with wheat bread
>they made me stay in the dinning room in front of my food until my parents picked me up at 5pm

[Anonymous No.13655652]

>>13655444
i dunno, never had a good relationship with them
probaby nothing good since they never seemed to give a shit about them being around
dogs were left outside pretty much 24/7

[Anonymous No.13655704]

>>13653861
fuck, OP, you resurrected a memory I had long suppressed:

>12 yo
>left at spinster great aunt’s for weekend ‘cause why not
>8 toy poodles have the run of the house, including using “poopy corner” which I guess is easier than opening the fucking door to the backyard?
>”anon, there’s drinks in icebox”
>Diet Sprite....dozens of them
>ooh look! purple juice in pitcher! yummy grape juice!!
>down a big swallow
>prune juice.wtf
>spit into sink, open shitty diet sprite
>”dinner is ready!”
you know how you can mix a packet of ranch dressing mix into sour cream and call it dip?
>ranch dip and Triscuits, diet sprite: “dinner”
>try to go to sleep instead of eating, but great aunt turns on recordings of some preacher telling me how god hates jews and i am a sinner
>weep softly into pillow

[Anonymous No.13656035]

>>13655348
This seems more ylyl

[Anonymous No.13656040]

>>13655704
Fuck dude. Were your parents neglectful?

[Anonymous No.13656165]

>>13655348
not gonna lie your uncle is based

[Anonymous No.13656191]

>>13656040
nah they just had some parent stuff to do, maybe a business trip?

[Anonymous No.13656216]

>>13655704
Jesus dude. What a nightmare.

[Anonymous No.13656386]

>>13653934
Please tell me this isn't pasta. I laughed so fucking hard at this while sitting at the bar.

[Anonymous No.13656408]

>>13653873
fpbp

[Anonymous No.13656549]

>>13653861
>be 9
>southern Californian
>schools in my area go on “long ships” field trip in fourth grade (8-9 year olds)
>basically we all go out to this old ass wooden fucking boat and stay the night while we do moderately easy ship tasks
>for months we prepare for this trip as a class designating who will be what
>I am first mate
>feels good as fuck
>in charge of other people
>the kitchen staff, including children, make some kind of beef stew
>also make what’s supposed to be cinnamon muffins
>I think the stew tastes like shit, eat anyways
>muffin is literally fucked because retarded kid used baking soda instead of sugar
>get woken up at 2am to do “night watch”
>throw up repeatedly
>tell someone I keep throwing up
>go lay down
>throw up some more
>next day I’m fine again

Hate that stew to this day and I’m glad the muffin was awful shitty garbage anyways

[Anonymous No.13656774]

>be me around 10
>sister and her husband live in our basement while saving for their own house
>we watch movies down there
>sometimes they party with other siblings and friends
>go down one day after a get together and pick random dvd to watch
>see can of pringles
>shake it around to see if anything in there
>hear some crumbs and broken chips in there
>nice
>open it up and knock it back
>get mouthful of cigarette butts and ashes

[Anonymous No.13656778]

>Be not me
>Be my sister when she was like 5
>Go to chinatown grocery with one-eyed white witch looking grandma
>chinese g-ma gets bag of live lobsters
>like fuckin' 8 of em
>hands sister bag of live lobsters without the rubberbands on the claws for some godforsaken reason
>be told to twist up bag and hold it for car ride home
>lobsters wrestling around and audibly snapping claws in sack while in the back seat of a rust bucket car
>subdue tears because grandma gets more scary if she sees you crying
>so traumatized that sister has a shellfish allergy now

I'm so glad my grandparents died before I was born. My only memory of chinese grandma is her medicated as fuck and delirious while asking me what pokemon is

[Anonymous No.13656877]

>be kid me
>mom decides to get me a babysitter since she doesn't feel like watching me after school anymore
>first day at new babysitter's house
>walk in
>smells like catshit and cigarettes
>other kids around my age either playing with old broken toys or crowded around a tiny black and white TV watching cartoons
>sit in the corner and stare off into space trying to figure out what I did wrong to deserve this punishment
>babysitter says it's snack time
>hands me a dirty paper plate with some canned ravioli, a strange home-made looking cookie, and a handful of pork rinds
>ask for some milk or water
>she says that the glasses are all dirty so I can't have any
>sit down at the table to eat
>try some of the ravioli but it turned out to still be cold since she didn't feel like warming it up
>didn't like pork rinds so I just avoided them
>try home-made cookie
>it's actually pretty good
>take another bite
>something stringy
>big glob of the woman's hair leading from inside the cooking to my mouth
>get sick

Ever since then I haven't been able to eat ravioli or pork rinds

[Anonymous No.13656896]

>>13656774
LMAO!

[Anonymous No.13657750]

>>13653934
>Tim's dad appears out of nowhere
My fuckin' sides.

[Anonymous No.13658007]

>>13656191
Swinger's party probably. Always explains childhood mysteries.

[Anonymous No.13658024]

>>13656877
But you still eat cookies and masturbate to trichophagia porn?

[Anonymous No.13658068]

>>13656774
kek, bet you never tried a cig after that though

[Anonymous No.13658082]

My bf's polish mom serves onions and mushrooms with sour cream as a side dish.. and tomatoes with italian dressing on them as a salad. One time my bf's rich AF aunt served us ice-cold beef wellington she ordered from some store for Christmas, too, and got butthurt nobody ate it. Bone app teeth

[Anonymous No.13658138]

>>13653861
>be me at 13/14
>have a sister whos a year younger then me
>decides to make me a milkshake when shes rarely nice to me
>don't think anything of it, just pleasantly surprised
>milkshake has the consistency of iced cottage cheese
>oh god what is this
>check the fridge
>she used milk that was over a month past the expiration date
>by the grace of god i just barely don't get food poisoning
>sis insists she didn't do it on purpose but didn't sound too concerned about it
between that and my mom rarely checking stuff for expiration dates, i check them constantly

[Anonymous No.13658166]

>>13653934
Fucking Australians.

[Anonymous No.13658218]

>>13655307
>what can I do?
Move out.

[Anonymous No.13658224]

>>13656877
>getting ptsd from puking
I don't get how this happens to people, I hear it so often. I've always considered it just an unpleasant natural emission. Even as a kid, I threw up all the fuckin time
>grade 1, throw up on teachers hands while she tied my shoe
>grade 4, throw up while competing in spelling bee, placed 3rd
>grade 8 algebra, throw up laughing at a dick friend drew on whiteboard
>grade 10, throw up on cafeteria condiment station after taking too many of dead grandfathers pain meds
>at 19, throw up during first performance at a local open mic, brought my own bucket, finished song
It's a fuckin natural emission, why does it scar some people so much?

[Anonymous No.13658280]

>>13653861
>be adult but absolutely retarded when it comes to a lot of things, including food
>discover how to make summer pudding
>one day after having eaten a whole one, think, "I'm an adult, if I want another one the next day, I can!"
>next day
>try to shit
>...
>....................................
>gargantuan shit that is clearly bigger than the butthole
>after about 10 minutes, feeling really bad and cold-sweating
>suddenly wake up on the floor
>fainted, fell sideways off the toilet and bumped head on wall (it's a tiny apartment bathroom)
>crawl back onto toilet, still feel like shit except now I have a headache too
>finally extrude this log like a Marine who's been eating MRA's for a month
>I own footwear smaller than this shit
>load of liquid shit falls out straight after
>wipe ass, try to ignore sensation of air going up shitpipe, stagger off to kitchen and make some flour and water for the shits
>the wiser among you may see where this is going
>sit back on coach, but 15 minutes later shits again
>not much comes out
>15 minutes later
>15 minutes later
>15 minutes later but this time I actually look at the paper after wiping
>it's blood
>realize all the liquid was actually blood because of that giant log rupturing my intestine somewhere
>very sensibly treat this by lying face-down on the coach for the next 3 days so the blood stops just falling out of my butt
I like to think I learned something about baked goods.

[Anonymous No.13658286]

>>13658280
Oh yeah, forgot th part where the tiny fleck of blood on my hairline from where I hit my head turned out to be the edge of a lake of dried blood entirely coating my scalp under my hair, so I'd lost all that blood too.

[Anonymous No.13658531]

>be 13 y/o me
>friend invites me for ham dinner
>love ham, let’s do this
>go over
>giant fucking square processed ham loaf
>microwaved
>for half an hour
>served with nothing
I shoulda learned my lesson, but...
>same friend invites me over
>wiener roast in the back yard fire pit
>should be ok since I can cook my own hotdogs over the fire
>get to his house
>anon did you get a new fence?
>proceed to back yard
>family is cooking hotdogs cooked over their old fence
>multiple layers of paint on wood
>god only knows what else
Noped the fuck out on that one

[Anonymous No.13658551]

>>13658224
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conditioned_taste_aversion

[Anonymous No.13658710]

>>13653919
that's not how toxoplasma works you fucking retard

[Anonymous No.13658715]

>>13653861
Huh I just realized that the new Resident Evil Remake is referencing/paying homage to this scene

[Anonymous No.13658737]

>>13655307
Give them up for adoption and tell your mom they ran away because she’s a bitch

[Anonymous No.13660246]

>>13653861
this thread made me laugh. best thread like this in a while

[Anonymous No.13660262]

>>13653962
In the future, you can just delete the extraneous post by waiting until the new post countdown cools then just clicking the box in the top left of the post and ten clicking delete in the bottom right of the page. This doesn't work if you wait too long after that.

[Anonymous No.13660479]

When I was like 13 I would regularly get crippling stomach pain from my grandmother's cooking. After a shouting match with my whole family they explained to me grandma primarily cooks with the microwave and boils nearly every meat before pan frying. Havent visited her in a while and dont miss the stomach pain anyway. People who hurt others with poor cooking should be punished.

[Anonymous No.13660748]

>>13658710
Uh oh. Somebody has toxo anger. How many cats do you have?

[Anonymous No.13660826]

>>13655307
hire someone to kill them

[Anonymous No.13660871]

Man a lot of you guys grew up poor huh?

[Anonymous No.13660877]

>>13656774
they were probably using that old can as an ashtray

[Anonymous No.13660897]

>>13653940
>who was horny as fuck BTW

Go on...

[Anonymous No.13660901]

>>13655348
Were you more disturbed by the pubes or the incest?

[Anonymous No.13661047]

>>13658166
Fucking racist

[Anonymous No.13661079]

>>13655348
>be me
>don’t know what summer pudding is
>look it up
>it’s literally just stale bread and berries
fucking brits

[Anonymous No.13661083]

>>13661079
>>13658280
Sorry wrong dude
>be me
>don’t know what summer pudding is
>look it up
>it’s literally just stale bread and berries
fucking brits

[Anonymous No.13661088]

>>13656774
good, retard.

[Anonymous No.13661108]

>>13661047
yeeeeeeeeeeenahnahnahnah

cunt

[Anonymous No.13661117]

>>13661083
>looked it up myself just now
>it's just bread soaked in berry juice
fucking brits

[Anonymous No.13661127]

>>13660877
I don’t know...that seems pretty WEIRD anon.
I think it’s more likely the Pringle’s(tm)(cc)(inc) chips turned into cigarette butts and ashes due to a sudden spontaneous switching of PUs that resulted in ashes of a nearby butt collector fusing with the chips in the can at the point of pouring.

[Anonymous No.13661230]

>>13661083
wait till you find out what a yorkshire pudding is

[Anonymous No.13661279]

>>13653861
>I asked my parents why they would leave me with her years later and they always fumbled around the subject.

Because they wanted to fuck in peace

[Anonymous No.13661365]

>be me
>be 9 or 10
>me and family used to go to place called Anthony’s that we hadn’t eaten at in years
>it’s Italian food
>be only customers in restaurant
>notice dirty dishes in back and a bunch of bread like pic related just sitting out on a cart
>I order spaghetti or something
>free garlic bread arrives as appetizer
>smells...funny
>parents don’t eat it for some reason, but me and my brother decide to eat it anyways
>love me some garlic bread
>it tastes great, a real rich tasting garlic bread
>my brother has 1
>I take 2
>the next morning wake up an hour earlier with a stabbing pain in my stomach and drenched in sweat
>I’m writhing in pain waiting to tell my mother I feel sick
>overhear my brother complaining to mom of not feeling good
>she of course doesn’t believe him
>she then comes to my room
>I tell her the same thing
>she now thinks that we both planned to skip school today
>I suddenly projectile vomit all over her
>there’s a trail leading from her feet to my bed
>naturally she lets both of us stay home, but every time I move I puke
>by the sixth time my stomach is empty, but I still “throw up” every time
>spend rest of day lying still on couch trying not to move
>my best friend was a 5 gallon bucket half filled with Anthony’s poison and pepto bizmol laced water
>my brother didn’t puke once
we never did go back to Anthony’s

[Anonymous No.13661368]

>>13658082
Are the mushrooms and onions raw? If you fry the onion and mushrooms and then add the sour cream it's just a more tart version of creamed mushrooms.

[Anonymous No.13661373]

>>13661365
>automatically defaults to thinking the worst of her kids
>gets blasted with puke for it
justice

[Anonymous No.13661407]

>>13660748
low t manlet wants to blame his failures on a fucking cat shit parasite
have you considered that everyone else isn't a total beta fuckboy like you and it isn't because of toxoplasma

[Anonymous No.13661436]

yep, he's ass blasted

[Anonymous No.13661459]

>>13655307
Do you have a yard with a fence? This is important. I also need to know if you live in a more suburban area.

[Anonymous No.13661469]

>>13655704
>try to go to sleep instead of eating, but great aunt turns on recordings of some preacher telling me how god hates jews and i am a sinner
Not gonna lie, your great aunt was based

[Anonymous No.13661506]

>3 years after i moved out
>had to crash at dad's place for a few weeks
>he's hoarding impulse purchases even worse now, cig smell everywhere, unrestrained chimney style smoking
>fine, a few weeks, i can survive
>go to get breakfast next morning
>tells me there is cereal in pantry
>pour a bowl and put milk in
>pick up spoon
>maggots
>little worms are wriggling in the cereal that's 3 inches from my mouth
>throw entire bowl outside and cry, refuse to eat anything
rest of the stay is a blank in my mind. i can't remember what i ended up eating or how it all resolved. probably don't want to.

haven't seen any of my family in years and i refuse to ever go back there again.
>>13655307
>tfw
my grandmother and mother were both cat hoarders. i refuse to own any pet. i even have reservations about houseplants. they're fucking NASTY. i'm not gonna go into the horrors.

[Anonymous No.13661517]

>>13661506
>and cry
Pussy

[Anonymous No.13661553]

>>13658280
Summer pudding or summer fruit pudding is a British dessert made of sliced white bread, layered in a deep bowl with fruit and fruit juice. It is left to soak overnight and turned out onto a plate.

>brits can be killed by 80F weather, 30F weather, and now fucking white bread
>>13661230
>Yorkshire pudding is a common English side dish consisting of a baked pudding made from batter consisting of eggs, flour, and milk or water.
now i understand why they import pajeets and pakis by the truckload.

[Anonymous No.13661684]

>>13660877
thank you for your contribution

[Anonymous No.13661745]

>>13661469
you sound like a shitty insufferable person. did i guess right?

[Anonymous No.13661909]

>>13661553
your inferiority complex is showing.

[Anonymous No.13662548]

>>13661745
You sound new to this website. Did I guess right, election tourist?

[Anonymous No.13663171]

>be me
be me
>be me
be me
>be me
be me
>be me

why does every story start with this, and why does "le me" get associated with reddit who is supposedly awful and unfunny?

[Anonymous No.13663200]

>>13653919
>This is the dog lover's brain
I bet you people fuck them in the ass

[Anonymous No.13663211]

>>13663171
Is it autistic, or is it useful to signal you’re beginning a green text anecdote? Sometimes autistic stuff works.

[Anonymous No.13663220]

>>13655704
was the preacher actually Hitler?

[Anonymous No.13663223]

>>13656549
The muffin is probably what made you throw up. I'm more concerned about the "long ship" trips as I have never heard of those and I grew up on the Socal coastline...

[Anonymous No.13663235]

>>13663223
I agree with this anon, I went to school in socal and I never went on a boat field trip, it was probably a plot to molest you guys

[Anonymous No.13663249]

>>13656778
well, how did she cook the lobsters you flamer?

[Anonymous No.13663279]

>>13658286
>>13658280
I wonder if there are any kinky vampires out there that feast solely on anon butthole rupture blood.

[Anonymous No.13663287]

>>13656774
Why would you do that? And more importantly, the opening of a pringles can is huge, you'd see the ash

[Anonymous No.13663294]

>envious of friend because he always brings those little packets of salt and vinegar chips to school for lunch and my parents never give me junk food
>Often trade him half my sandwich or some fruit for half his chips
>go over to his house one day, am supposed to stay all day
>it smells like piss
>play snowboard game on ps2 all day, think it's so cool because my parents never let me have a game console and instead take me places and buy me books and lame stuff like that
>no one gives us any lunch
>get really hungry and go into his kitchen and eat the entire jumbo pack of salt and vinegar chips
>his cousin is there as well and says I ate all his food for that week and his dad is gonna bash them
>tfw my freind says it's fine because my family always gives him nice food
>tfw he comes to school on monday with a black eye
>says his dad won't let him come round to my house anymore
>tfw he doesn't bring anything to school for lunch for two weeks
>tfw he refuses to share my lunch because he says it's not fair and he's not hungry

[Anonymous No.13663340]

>>13663171
I think it's because originally greentext was the proper way to quote someone else, so starting a greentext with "be me" shows you are not quoting anyone.

[Anonymous No.13663358]

>>13655348
>Uncle jumps on the dining table right over the turkey, yells 'Look! It's a map of Ireland' and drops trouser right over the bird.
For what fucking purpose

[Anonymous No.13663379]

>>13661553
yorkshire pudding is fucking delicious.

[Anonymous No.13663382]

>go to friends house for dinner, lets call him overlordmomo
>total autist who only eats chicken tendies
>mom suggests we eat something since I'm the guest
>freaks out and shits on the floor in protest

what a buffon

[Anonymous No.13663388]

>>13663294
...Jesus. Do you ever still talk to him, did he make it out?

[Anonymous No.13663392]

>>13653861
>She is 68 years old
>All she does is smoke cigarettes indoors and pound beers all day
Based.
>I was crying hysterically
Gay

[Anonymous No.13663393]

>>13663379
Not so much horrible for me but what I did to my boss by accident
>Part time job repairing motorbikes
>No bathroom in shop for some reason
>Working Sunday by myself
>Need to piss, relieve myself in half empty 20 oz coke, filling it to top
>Tell myself I'll throw it away later
>Working in other section of shop layer that day
>boss who participates in bare knuckle fight clubs decides to drop by for some reason and approaches me from the back of shop
>Asks me if someone did something to his coke because it tastes weird
I was pretty worried he was about to murder me, but he never found out.

[Anonymous No.13663396]

>>13663171
Newfag

[Anonymous No.13663507]

>>13653861
>>All she does is smoke cigarettes indoors and pound beers all day
sounds like a turbobased grandma and you sound like a little bitch

[Anonymous No.13663522]

>>13663358
For the keks my man, for the keks.

[Anonymous No.13663521]

>>13663388
no fucking idea
we moved away the next year and i never heard anything about him again

[Anonymous No.13664642]

>>13658224
It's happens dawg, I got put off bourbon and sake for ages after particularly bad chuck sessions
But unlike the bitches in this thread I got over it, man the fuck up!!