/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.13343044]

>How is everything going so far?
How do you respond?

[Anonymous No.13343059]

>>13343044
it was going great until you interrupted me five minutes after delivering the food now go get me another old fashioned before i cut the tip

[Anonymous No.13343061]

>>13343044
I'm still alive, aren't I?

[Anonymous No.13343068]

>>13343044
Oh fine so far just *nosing* through the wine list here, see if I can *sniff out* something for the lady here

[Anonymous No.13343112]

>>13343044
The only option is to ignore until drinks are needed. No I don’t want desert, no I don’t want coffee. I especially don’t want to hear anything about yourself.

Servers are literally cockroach class citizens.

[Anonymous No.13343142]

>>13343044
>Waiters will be robots one day.
>"O-ok sir, so did you need a takehome box or not?"
>For my unlimited breadsticks, yes
>"H-ha, good one sir, I'll give you a few minutes to finish"
Then tip 4% in silver change only, no baggie or anything either they just have to deal with it clinking around their aprons the rest of the night.

[Anonymous No.13343146]

>>13343059
yes rabbi I'm sorry, ani mitnatzelet

[Anonymous No.13343148]

>>13343142
Wait a second if there were unlimited breadsticks the robot would have to try to comply with order. It wouldn’t have been programmed by a boomer so the joke would be taken literally. I think it would get caught up in a loop bringing out infinite boxes of breadsticks from the kitchen until someone tried to stop it. Tried. And that was how the Matrix began

[Anonymous No.13343152]

>>13343044
"I'm sorry, who's on this date, you or me? Why don't you come on stage if you're so eager to take part?"

Then I get up, give him my chair, and storm out, never to be seen again by anybody.

[Anonymous No.13343167]

>>13343152
wow that is fucking BASED

[Anonymous No.13343209]

>>13343044
I remove one (1) dollar from the five singles I have displayed on the table and hope they get the message I'm trying to convey.

[Anonymous No.13343668]

*smacks lips*

ayyyo wait kid

[Anonymous No.13343722]

>>13343044

I usually just put the water to my mouth but not drink it and wait for my wife to answer.

[Anonymous No.13343737]

Thumbs up

[Anonymous No.13343744]

>well I might get my dick wet but no way am I making babies with this wristlet untermensch

[Anonymous No.13343752]

>>13343044
Compliments to the chef on the dubs.

[Anonymous No.13343759]

Honestly, I just lift my chin in a sort of nod.

[Anonymous No.13344007]

>>13343044
>Stands up
>Unzips pants
>Puts penis in the sup boll
>Look the waiter in the eyes
>there is a susage in my soup, i asked for a vegan soup

[Anonymous No.13344946]

>>13344007
Waiter " so sorry, I seem to have mistakingly brought you the shrimp cocktail" .

[Anonymous No.13344952]

>>13343752
Thank you.

I tend to give them a thumbs up and tell them the food is excellent and thank them.

[Anonymous No.13345027]

My chair is wobbly.

[Anonymous No.13346906]

>>13345027
They purpously make them that way

[Anonymous No.13346912]

Great thanks, can I get another IPA when you get a sec?

[Anonymous No.13346928]

>>13343044
i hate waiters who do this.
just do your job and shut up, its not cute, its not endearing, this isnt 1937 in france. Modern service should be invisible and yet always catering to your every need.

[Anonymous No.13346929]

>>13343044
fuck off, slave

[Anonymous No.13346930]

>>13343044
>y-you too

[Anonymous No.13346979]

>>13343044
>you're checking on us too often for my liking
*removes one of the five $1 bills that are on the edge of the table*

[Anonymous No.13347341]

>>13343044
Can you bring me another date. This whore obviously has an A on her forehead and is an adulturous slut. How about something in a 2000 or later vintage.

[Anonymous No.13347352]

>>13346912
SoiPA coming right up

[Anonymous No.13347364]

>>13343059
It's clearly Europe since they don't pay with cash, so there's no tipping, even in restaurants.

[Anonymous No.13347372]

>>13344946
roasted desu

[Anonymous No.13347380]

>>13346979
Ok boomer.

[Anonymous No.13348575]

i nod because my mouth is full of food every time

[Anonymous No.13348592]

>>13343209
based boomer

[Anonymous No.13348616]

>>13343044
BRAAAAAAPPP! ahhhhhh things are pretty good

[Anonymous No.13348630]

>>13347364
They generally tip servers in Europe. Any euro cuck who says different is either a lying O B S E S S E D or else they're from some shit hole part of Europe where everyone is poor and tourists never go

[Anonymous No.13348647]

>>13343044
I don't like the cut of your jib, faggot.
*removes one of the two pennies I have placed on the table*

[Anonymous No.13348649]

>>13347364
have you ever been to a restaurant? you can leave a tip on a credit card transaction.

[Anonymous No.13348662]

>>13348630
Scandifag here

Tipping can fuck off, nobody here does it

[Anonymous No.13348760]

>>13343209
*pisses in your soup*

[Anonymous No.13348774]

>>13343146
kekol

[Anonymous No.13348779]

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

[Anonymous No.13348781]

>>13346928
I would love to go to that restaurant. Well I mean I probably could theoretically but I can't afford that level of service

[Anonymous No.13348783]

>>13343044
Very well, thank you.
Usually said with a mouth full of food like an animal.

[Anonymous No.13348963]

>>13348662
Scandinavia is not really Europe, it's basically Russia

[Anonymous No.13349626]

>>13344946
owned

[Anonymous No.13349642]

>>13343044
Food is sub par, I liked the bread sticks. No need for dessert, waiter. I'll take my bill.

[Anonymous No.13349698]

>>13343044
I want to play a game. For too long you keep hassling me and my date Coco, always trying to make us laugh with your shitty dry humor.
So today, I got a dry joke for you: how willing are you to earn that extra $4? Oh please Mike, spare me the waterworks. Heh, heh...

[Anonymous No.13349717]

>>13343044
clean it up wagie

[Anonymous No.13349734]

The biggest fucking pet peeve of mine is if it takes the waiter longer to bring out my wine than my appetizer. If that happens, it's automatically no tip.

Seriously, pour the fucking wine and bring it out first. Not that hard.

[Anonymous No.13349752]

I'm pretty new to serving and working at a "fine dining" restaurant that I lied my way into and this thread is stressing me out

[Anonymous No.13349771]

>>13349752
BRING WINE FIRST!

[Anonymous No.13349773]

>>13349752
Why? These are just peoples thoughts and a majority of them, despite what they will say here; would never say these things to your face or any other waiters face.

[Anonymous No.13349778]

>>13349771
Relax, it's just alcohol. Next time vocalize your request rather than bad mouth them behind their backs.

[Anonymous No.13349780]

>>13343142
Huh?

[Anonymous No.13349781]

>>13349752
Don't stress, just put forth effort proportional to what you're getting paid.

[Anonymous No.13349785]

>>13349752
dw people stress out when you approach the table too

thats on top of juggling what to say to the date

[Anonymous No.13349793]

They’re checking on your food you fucking autists. If it’s fine just say everything is good and they’ll leave.

[Anonymous No.13349798]

>>13349771
Always. Drinks are a priority. Ring apps in and then pour drinks.

>>13349773
I'm mostly kidding. Luckily people are polite enough to usually tip 20% even if you don't do a spectacular job. My biggest stress is waiting for the kitchen to cook the goddamn food

[Anonymous No.13349799]

>>13349752
You’re gonna get fired, Ryan.

[Anonymous No.13349800]

>>13349778
you're going to be a shitty waiter with that attitude. get used to getting stiffed on tips.

[Anonymous No.13349807]

>>13349734
>>13349771
Retard. Ask them.

[Anonymous No.13349809]

>>13349799
I'm not going to get fired and don't call me Ryan

[Anonymous No.13349814]

>>13349807
Bringing out alcohol first is not one of those things that needs to be asked, unless you're eating at olive garden or some shitty chain.

[Anonymous No.13349823]

>>13349807
Shouldn't have to ask. It's like water. Do you want to sit there with nothing to do but eat shitty bread or do you want some booze to move your night along?

>>13349785
I'm not stressed anymore unless they're obvious dicks. My first few interactions with tables were hilariously bad but now I understand how to interact with people, for the most part.

[Anonymous No.13349826]

>>13349800
I'm not a waiter, but still something to consider. Talking bad about peoples backs is bad etiquette, and most people don't like to be around people who treat others like that.

[Anonymous No.13349830]

>>13349826
*Talking bad about people behind their backs

[Anonymous No.13349848]

>>13343044
i've been working in fine dining kitchens for long enough I'll just be honest with them. i am a lazy dumb as fuck addled cook and i have been considered worthy of designation in every kitchen i have worked in which is fucking depressing considering the product we serve and the price we sell it for. so like if the cuts arent even or its not seasoned properly as far as salt goes, sure i can salt it myself or ask for some vinegar or whatever but if it's burnt, or oversalted, or undercooked, or cooked to hell, yeah, take fucking responsibity, im not paying for it. and fuck your guys, too. dont cook it again, we're drinking and having a good time. but man dont let fucked up food out of the kitchen

>i drunkenly say all of this to a relative with higher education as they quietly neglect their $55 entree and just ask for more wine while I go home to eat corn chips for the 17th time this month because i hate food

[Anonymous No.13349855]

>>13343152
The only rational reaponse

[Anonymous No.13349859]

>>13343044
I'm not sure if you're new here but I'm 3-for-free and I have not received my three McChicken Sauce Packets.

[Anonymous No.13349866]

>>13349848
Wut

[Anonymous No.13350965]

>>13348630
French here and I gotta tell you nobody ever tips in restaurants, especially in high end/gastronomic/Michelin starred establishments where tipping would be considered rude since it implies the waiters aren't paid enough.
The only times where it's acceptable is when the waiter has been particularly fun, professional and accommodating for a long time (during a 3h dinner for exemple) or when you come with +10 people and make the kitchen/staff work harder due to the number of guests at one table

[Anonymous No.13350984]

>>13349698
>Coco

[Anonymous No.13351016]

>>13349771
More wine, your Grace?

[Anonymous No.13351027]

>>13348630
I never tip because I never leave home.

[Anonymous No.13351200]

>>13350965
I hate tipping. it's really a disgrace

[Anonymous No.13351236]

>>13343044
Doing fine. I just discovered my blind date is a shemale.
More water, please. ( faggot)

[Anonymous No.13351282]

>>13351236
>obsessed with trannies

[Anonymous No.13351587]

>>13343152
and then everyone clapped

[Anonymous No.13351641]

>literally every time
>waiter zipped up silently from behind me
>mouth is full of unchewed food
>they laugh at me for having food in my mouth at a fucking business where they primarily sell food to be eaten there
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA STOP IT NOOOOOOOOOO

[Anonymous No.13351643]

>>13351641
Based waiters chew-shaming their patrons

[Anonymous No.13351645]

>>13351641
>they laugh at me
That's just how you perceive it but yes that happens literally everytime. I usually just smile and nod my head.

[Anonymous No.13351646]

>>13343152
>Then I get up, give him my chair, and storm out, never to be seen again by anybody.
>he goes on your date
>plays it cool and waits for her to call him back
>goes on a few more
>going steady
>introduces her to his friends
>takes her to the zoo
>they start experimenting with anal
>weekend away at his parents
>he finally pops the question
>two and a half kids
>steady mortgage
>silver anniversary
>retirement party
>grandkids
>lung cancer diagnosis
>death

[Anonymous No.13351662]

>>13343044
>Very well, thank you sir.
>So as I was saying, the ideological differences between strasserism wasnt as significant as most purport them to be...

[Anonymous No.13351705]

>>13351646
>death

I sit by my fireplace, alone, wistfully sipping scotch and smoking a fine Cuban. The mantle of the fireplace is empty, no pictures of wife nor children adorn it. The embers are burning out. I am reading the paper, and I see the obituary I have waited so long for: "...long career as Maitre'd at local Michelin starred restaurant"... at long last, he is dead, outlasted him. "Revenge is a dish best served cold" I chuckle out loud, and I feel chilled to the bone, though not from the wide open front door which I distinctly remember closing, as a raspy voice from behind me says "How's it tasting so far"?

[Anonymous No.13351852]

>>13349698
Is your date a dog?

[Anonymous No.13351864]

>>13349717
Dance wagies dance

[Anonymous No.13351963]

>>13351662
Yes the food is absolutely delicious thank you
Well actually dear, the night of the long knives was completely justified. Although it is true that contrary to liberal belief the national socialists were true socialist, it is also true that the strasserists despite being redpilled on the JQ were also dangerously marxist. Germany needed to rely on a healthy mix of privatization and socialistic policies to have a chance of winning the war, the strasserists have already shown signs of disloyalty and stirring tensions within the party. Lets face it, it is quite possible that the strasserists would have sided with communist elements and the soviet union after Barbarossa to create an absolute mess of Germany. Besides there is literally nothing wrong with killing Marxists.

[Anonymous No.13352055]

>>13349698
how would one deal with this if facing the scenario?
the only thing that I could think of is by surrounding the glass with a towel and then raise it

[Anonymous No.13352383]

>>13348963
ew no
don't ever compare us to russia again please.

[Anonymous No.13352390]

>>13347364
do you live in cave or what?

[Anonymous No.13352404]

>>13343209
>>13346979
Wtf do american boomers really do this?

[Anonymous No.13352492]

>>13352055
just grab the cash, it's the busboys who have to clean the table anyway

[Anonymous No.13352592]

>>13352492
Based waiter .

[Anonymous No.13352698]

>>13343044
>>13343152
>>13351646
>>13351963
Nice RP, guys.

[Anonymous No.13353360]

>>13352698
>felt pang of social angst about how I missed working collaboratively when he responded

[Anonymous No.13353366]

>>13351646
>>13351705
I am at a loss because I want both lives.

[Anonymous No.13353409]

>>13348662
> or else they're from some shit hole part of Europe where everyone is poor and tourists never go
He already covered you lad

[Anonymous No.13354996]

>>13353409
Finland, Finland, Finland. The country where I quite want to be. Your mountains so lofty, your treetops so tall. Finland, Finland, Finland. Finland has it all.

[Anonymous No.13355091]

i smile graciously and tell him its fine, unless i have a concern. i treat waitstaff with absolute respect. hard work and they have to be extra friendly cause of tips. so i make myself extremely, sincerely friendly to let them know i am not their enemy. i dont care if they pick up on it, i dont care if they mess up, i want to walk out feeling like i was a decent human being. nothing like that feeling, like im mr rogers incarnate. im not joking, try it, youll cry yourself to sleep.

[Anonymous No.13355112]

This bread tastes and feels like it was made in a factory several days ago. THIS ISNT A BAUGETTE! IT'S A FUCKING WHITE BREAD STICK! THE BUTTER CAME OUT FRESH FROM HOTH. YOUR RED WINE SELECTION DOESNT GO WITH THE ENTREES FOR TONIGHT. THE STEAK IS MEDIUM WELL AND I ASKED FOR RARE, AND MY 80 YEAR OLDER FATHER CAN GET STIFFER THAN THE GREENS OF MY SALAD!

[Anonymous No.13357320]

>>13344952
Fucking weirdo, get help.

[Anonymous No.13357336]

>>13343044
I think it would bother me if they used a portable device to scan my card on the spot. Something about it just ruins the atmosphere. I'd much rather they take it away and do their business out of sight.

[Anonymous No.13357976]

>>13348630
german here and tipping is a boomer thing desu
My generation almost exclusively pays with a card and eben though its technically possible to tip, it is far easier to not get a salty waiter asshole to look at you funny for not paying him more money for literally doing his shitty job (badly most of the time)

[Anonymous No.13358128]

>>13343112
Agreed. There should be a law that makes them exempt from protections against violence and abuse.

[Anonymous No.13358343]

>>13343044
This wine is terrible. Send the sommelier at once to receive a verbal lashing.

[Anonymous No.13358363]

>>13349848
Heeeeeeeeaaaaaaard that chef.

[Anonymous No.13358404]

>>13343044
If the food/service is genuinely good
>enthusiastically: "very good, thank you!"
If it ain't
>curt nod
>"good"

[Anonymous No.13358416]

>>13343044
>”it’s great! Thank you!”
>leave shit tip
It’s good to let the wait staff know they’re effectively worthless trash

[Anonymous No.13359032]

>>13343044
Usually moan out something since my mouth is full

[Anonymous No.13360238]

>>13351662
>The food is fine
>As I was saying, Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social distinctions predicated upon wealth

[Anonymous No.13360339]

>>13348630
Depends on the country. Stop thinking Europe is a single country.

[Anonymous No.13361515]

>yes the food is fine, I just have one question. I like my foods with some spice on them, so did you happen to have any hot sauce? Any ‘vark perhaps?

[Anonymous No.13361532]

>>13343142
>For my unlimited breadsticks, yes
Hey that's a good joke, mind if i use that from now on?

[Anonymous No.13361548]

>>13343148
>Wait a second if there were unlimited breadsticks the robot would have to try to comply with order. It wouldn’t have been programmed by a boomer so the joke would be taken literally. I think it would get caught up in a loop bringing out infinite boxes of breadsticks from the kitchen until someone tried to stop it. Tried. And that was how the Matrix began

No not really.
At grocery stores with self-check out machines, the machines are programmed to call over a human employee in certain scenarios. For example, if the customer is trying to buy alcohol and needs to show an ID. Or if the customer doesn't put his items on the scale properly. Or sometimes even if the customer puts coins into the coin slot too quickly and it clogs up.

Machines are actually very stupid and very dependant on human help. You give them too much credit.

[Anonymous No.13361667]

>>13349698
>ihop syrup things
>"girlfriend" is named Coco
you're a dumb nigger

[Anonymous No.13362461]

>>13361548
"Machines are actually very stupid and very dependant on human help. You give them too much credit."
- that's exactly what they want you to think.

[Anonymous No.13364119]

>>13343059
>and your manager. I don't trust you not to fuck with my health

[Anonymous No.13364378]

>>13347364
You've only seen restaurants in movies, huh

[Anonymous No.13364392]

>>13343044
"Everything's going well, thanks."
It's not a particularly difficult question.

[Anonymous No.13364410]

>>13349698
>4 dollar tip from me and Coco
What a sad life you live. They're probably just going to slide it to the bus tray and dry the bills later. People make stupid messes all the time; you being a retard is competing in the special olympics they host.

[Anonymous No.13366072]

>>13348630
i tipped a bar keeper 15 cents last saturday. she was a fat blonde

[Anonymous No.13366074]

>>13343044
I turn 360 degrees and walk away

[Anonymous No.13366080]

>>13343044
“Good how about you?”

[Anonymous No.13366104]

>>13343044
I'm just superrr! Thanks for asssking!
:)

[Anonymous No.13367508]

>>13343059
One time i looked up and glared in the guys face by mistake because this is exactly what i was thinking and he saw my face and fucked right off.

[Anonymous No.13367590]

>>13343059
>>13343068
>>13343142
>>13343152
>>13343209
>>13344007
>>13344946
>>13346979
>>13347341
i laughed so hard i puked

[Anonymous No.13367596]

>>13343044
'Pretty good, can I get a refill of water? Thank you. Actually, add a White Russian to that, thanks.'

[Anonymous No.13367639]

>>13343044
"im about to tell you something very important... but youll have to wait for it"

[Anonymous No.13368378]

>>13343152
But first you fuck his mother right anon?

[Anonymous No.13368390]

>>13366104
All things considered, I couldn't be better, I must saaaay

[Anonymous No.13368433]

>>13352055
I like to think I'm not a complete dumbass and I was thinking the same thing.
Maybe just bring a bucket to the side of the table and slide the glass off the edge? That just leaves the ketchup, which is still a dick move but easy enough to wipe up I guess. Table's already wet.