/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.13304697]

>be a city slicker
>go to a restaurant once every two years
>have to wait five hours just to get in line
>wait ten more hours just to get into the waiting room
>after a week, finally get seated
>place is so crowded you can't hear yourself think (not that you have an inner monologue since you're an npc)
>waiter is a complete asshole and literally farts in your face every time you open your mouth, and then spends a few hours talking about how he's a struggling artist just trying to make it big as a mongolian throat yodeling marionette puppeteer / interpretive dancer whose routine is mostly about addressing white privilege (he's a proud trans lesbian latinx)
>menu is entirely in wingdings, not that it matters because every food item is given some overly pretentious name that makes no sense
>point at something on the menu at random
>turns out you've ordered the korean-hungarian fusion vegan matzah ball burgers
>of course they're hallal you don't even need to ask
>weeks later it arrives
>food is served on a broken tennis racket
>you drink bottled water (that they fill with the hose in the back) out of an old toaster from the 60s
>spend a few more hours trying to get the exact right photo for you instagram
>portion so tiny you can't even get one bite, you just inhale the food by breathing in near it
>bill arrives after a week of waiting for it
>costs a year's salary for your job as a barista at starbucks
>make sure to tip the snotty waiter half your annual salary just so he doesn't call you a racist on twitter
>he calls you a racist on twitter anyways
>get mugged on the way out
>mugger also calls you a racist on twitter

[Anonymous No.13304704]

Terrible flyover-tier fanfiction.

[Anonymous No.13304713]

>Terrible flyover-tier fanfiction.

[Anonymous No.13304726]

>>13304697
>korean-hungarian fusion vegan matzah ball burgers
Ok I laughed

[Anonymous No.13304731]

well excuse us mr gucci loafers

[Anonymous No.13304733]

Tf is this. You typed this in a starbucks, pretending to be a writer didn't you. Fagoot

[Anonymous No.13304753]

>>13304697
>bottled water (that they fill with the hose in the back)
Not gonna lie, but I worked for an Italian grocery store that had two immigrants who bottled their own sparkling water in the back of the warehouse out of a truck. The owner's grandkids would then put the label stickers on the bottles, which proudly proclaimed that it was a "Product of Italy".
The moral of the story is: everyone gets duped.

[Anonymous No.13305083]

>>13304704
seething

[Anonymous No.13305117]

>>13304697
>weeks later it arrives
>portion so tiny you can't even get one bite, you just inhale the food by breathing in near it
>mugger also calls you a racist on twitter

you aight, OP