Crimes Against Food

[Anonymous No.12498192]

Got any pet peeves or anecdotes about people abusing food/cookery? I got a petty one:

>be me
>20 years old, still living with my parents cause undergraduate.jpg
>dad does the shopping for once, brings back 7-10 spring onions
>oh sweet, finally some flavor in this household
>a few hours later I find my dad cutting up the onions in the kitchen
>immediately suspicious because my dad can't cook
>realize he's cutting off the roots, eating them raw and throwing out the rest of the onions
>mfw when he does this cause he thinks the roots have medicinal properties
>mfw when I was too late to save the onions

[Anonymous No.12498195]

>>12498192
I abuse myself every night. What are you gonna do about it?

[Anonymous No.12498202]

My roommate uses metal cutlery as a primary cooking utensil. All of our pans are scratched to shit and he won’t listen to me when I try to explain that it’s his fucking metal fork that’s doing it since I only use plastic turners and serving spoons to cook with. He ruined 2 Greenpans this way.

[Anonymous No.12498203]

>>12498192
>>be me
No shit?

[Anonymous No.12498242]

>>12498203
How fucking new are you?

[Anonymous No.12498303]

>>12498202
>He ruined 2 Greenpans this way
No fucking beuno

Same shit happened to me, and I got used to a regular bitchfight once a week over me "hoarding" my cookware in my bedroom since roommates continually fucked shit up or tried to show off and carved pans to shit. There's no worse feeling than waking up to a
>WA LAAA I made breakfast for everyone!
after a party and seeing your new pan on the stove as the victim with a figure eight carved into it

[Anonymous No.12498310]

[Anonymous No.12498312]

>>12498202
That's what you get for having roommates AND trusting your nice pans around them.
This is why I have only carbon steel and stainless regardless of how much I like a nice nonstick for eggs and grilled cheese and shit like that.

[Anonymous No.12498313]

your "friends" are shitty inconsiderate people. children.

[Anonymous No.12498318]

why do americans do this?

[Anonymous No.12498332]

>>12498318
as a joke for epig likes and upboats
EDIT: thanks for the gold friendo :^)

[Anonymous No.12498581]

>>12498195
abuse myself in retaliation

[Anonymous No.12499429]

>>12498192
Yeah, people wasting food.

[Anonymous No.12499480]

>>12498303
I tried to cook home fries on my copper pan that had been scratched to this and instead of crisping up it just stuck to the pan the ENTIRE FUCKING TIME until there was a centimeter thick layer of shit on it. My girlfriend got me that pan for my birthday and I haven’t used it since

[Anonymous No.12499627]

>>12498202
Ah, thank God I'll never have roommates again.

[Anonymous No.12499772]

>>12498192
>currently at my mother's house, puppysitting while she's on vacation
>says I can have anything in the house
>skim milk, boxed goods, preservatives in everything
>ate a whole box of cheezits because fuck it
>feel like crap
>headed home today to get real food to bring back
>gonna make some pasta to go with the sauce I jarred up last week

[Anonymous No.12499806]

>>12498202
>He ruined 2 Greenpans this way.
I didn't think that was possible. Aren't they ceramic? I had one of those blue diamond ones a while ago, roomates burned it to shit trying to sear steaks. I just left it and bought new pans when I moved.

[Anonymous No.12501250]

>>12498192
>With 5 roomates, 3 asian, one black and one indian
>One of the asian m8 made rice in his rice cocker, eat like a bowl, and leave a pound of cocked rice in it.
>Leave for a long week-end
>I dare to open it once ImagineTheSmell.jpg
>m8 came back three days latter
>Empty the rice cocker of the moulded sticky stinky rice
>Add water to the cocker
>Proceed to put rice and cock his diner, without washing it beforehand.
MFW

[Anonymous No.12501288]

Everyone in my family makes this shitty ramen noodle salad that uses dry ramen noodles crumbled into basically coleslaw mix and uses the salty ass flavor packet to flavor the dressing. I find it absolute abhorrent, and they always tell me I need to make it, and I just fucking won't. I've used ramen noodles in a lot of dishes, but I'm not going to make that fucking frankenstien's monster of a "salad". I know a lot of people eat it, especially in flyover country, but I have my fucking limits.

[Anonymous No.12501311]

>>12498202
>>12498303
part of living with roomates is having your nonstick pans destroyed. Its to teach you a lesson that you should only buy stainless

[Anonymous No.12501319]

>>12501288
please post a picture I cant even imagine this level of white trash

[Anonymous No.12501633]

>>12498303
Maybe you should quit buying fancy pans and save up for a deposit on a house?

[Anonymous No.12501656]

>>12501319
I second this.

[Anonymous No.12501657]

>>12501288
i've had something like this but the dressing for the salad was like hoisin based. it wasn't terrible t b h

[Anonymous No.12501661]

>>12499480
she sounds like a retarded fucking cunt

[Anonymous No.12503011]

>>12498312
I never left my good kitchenware and non-perishables in a communal space when I lived with roommates. I kept it all locked in my closet in my locked bedroom. It's amazing what people will steal, borrow, and ruin without replacing them. A few times I ate one of my roommate's frozen breakfast sandwiches and just bought a whole new box of them the next day out of goodwill. I don't like to feel like people are taking advantage of me and don't want them to feel like I'm taking advantage of them.

[Anonymous No.12503014]

>>12498318
Lol that's better than dumping 5 tablespoons worth of ranch on a side salad I guess.

[Anonymous No.12503036]

Mexican step-mother would cook pasta well beyond an acceptable level, basically mush, then would top it with bland mexican cheese and get really offended if I didn't eat a decent portion of it. Luckily this was not something she did often, but it was vomit inducing, and I'd choke it down to not ruin dinner/the evening for everyone.

[Anonymous No.12503062]

>>12501319
>asian salad
>white trash
Ok tard

[Anonymous No.12503063]

>>12501319
>>12501656
This. Ugh. And the 2 tablespoons of sugar is the real icing on the uggo cake.

Ingredients

4 cups shredded green cabbage
2 cups shredded red cabbage
1 cup shredded carrots
2 packages ramen noodles noodles broken into chunks, seasoning packets reserved
1/2 cup sliced green onions
1/2 cup toasted slivered almonds
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/3 cup rice vinegar
2 tablespoons sugar

[Anonymous No.12503068]

>>12503063
How did you manage not be retarded like the rest of your family?

[Anonymous No.12503076]

>>12501250
>with 3 roommates, 2 African (nice surprise to me when I arrived), 1 white American
>they leave food to rot in fridge all summer while I'm away
>come back to fridge full of mold, rot, and bugs (cockroaches and more)
>confront them
>they don't give a shit
>have to remove all the rot, sterilize the entire kitchen and common area, discard of bugs, and call exterminator with other roommate
then
>use one of their mugs for chicken broth on evening I wasn't feeling well
>put it in dishwasher and run cycle
>they flipped their shit like I'd murdered someone when there were still a few specks of broth and herb residue in it in the morning
>afraid to use the kitchen that entire year
They were mostly okay, but there were some huge cultural differences sometimes that were extremely odd to me that would take them to 10/10 outrage.

[Anonymous No.12503088]

>>12503063
>no sesame oil
I don't think the sugar is that bad but would use honey instead, ginger, sesame oil, and chili oil or other spicy element and lime to balance it all out.

[Anonymous No.12503104]

>>12503068
I apprenticed to a french chef when I was 18 and 19.

[Anonymous No.12503113]

>>12498303
This post is very relatable and makes me very salty

[Anonymous No.12503954]

>>12503076
They were dickhead.

Mine where not that bad because I I the first to get in and said every time a new comer come "This is the kitchen. Each one uses it's own saucepan/dish/plates/whatever, and have one and only one place on the fridge".
So, some have disgusting tools, other where okay.
I even teach them how to cook some stuff and the Indian one too. She loved my chocolate mousse.

But back on thread.
>The other chink wants to eat fish, so he bought fish
>Well, heads and "I don't want to know" parts of fish
>Puts everything on a saucepan, with water to brim.
>"You will clean the mess afterwards, okay?" "yes you no worries, I clean"
>Let it boil for 4 hours.
>Seems happy to now have a saucepan full of fish glue
I don't know if he eat it or not, he the goes to his room.

[Anonymous No.12504014]

>>12503076
Africans and poor people in general are very wasteful because they are always given handouts or steal.

[Anonymous No.12504031]

[Anonymous No.12504976]

>>12504014
One of my black roomate boils eggs one time.
But then proceed to go to his lecture.
Leaving the eggs on the stove with the heat on.
Obviously, the next person to get into the flat came like half an hour after.
The smell takes a week to completely vanish.

[Anonymous No.12505023]

>>12503063
that sounds fine
asians commonly put crispy noodles in salads

the only suspect thing is the seasoning packet

[Anonymous No.12505084]

>Have knife set
>Stain-resistant steel (Not stainless). Tell room mate this. The knives should be washed and dried after use.
>Routinely come home to find knife dirty, wet and sitting in the sink specks of rust starting to appear
>Confront roommate, they apologize. I tell them not to use the knives anymore
>Some time later
>Come home, roommate is using knives, half are dirty, she's using one to scrape ingredients off cutting board with sharp side, rounding over edge.
I keep my knives in my room on my dresser now.
This bitch also continually fucked up the seasoning on my cast irons to the point that I fixed them up and put them in storage.

[Anonymous No.12505104]

>>12498192
Not your personal blog, retard.

[Anonymous No.12505121]

>>12505104

[Anonymous No.12505160]

>>12505104
Shut the fuck up the thread is a communal blog post just go to another thread nigga

[Anonymous No.12506125]

>>12499806
It's a ceramic layer over aluminium or whatever metal.
That top, nonstick ceramic layer can be scratched if you use metal shit.
Bought a new greenpan pot for my parents after their cook died and within a few hours a deep fucking scratch was found in the bottom.
I seriously have no idea how they do it.

[Anonymous No.12506303]

>>12498192
tortillas
toast them or slightly steam them
bring out the popcorn flavor corn tortillas are supposed to have
bad corn tortillas wont do because they lack any popcorn flavor

[Anonymous No.12506342]

>>12501288
Wow this sounds good

[Anonymous No.12507015]

>>12498192
Not exactly food but
>slightly upscale place
>get a glass of whiskey after dinner, on the rocks
>expecting like 3-4 large pieces of ice maybe one giant meme one, idk never been there before
>it comes full of the normal crushed ice they put in the water and is already horribly watered down by the time I get it

[Anonymous No.12507487]

>>12498192
God damn, I have too many stories to share, mainly all about my father.

>Always boasts about his steaks to others
>Ask him to make some for us
>AutistCookingInitiated.exe
>From fridge temperature steaks into a stone cold pan
>Keeps moving them and flipping them, No salt, No herbs or spices, No seasoning at all
>Burns the ever-loving fuck out of the steaks and not in a good way
>Straight from the pan onto the plate no resting
>Tells me this is the best steak he has cooked in a long time
>Proceeds to leave the pan """"""Soaking""""" when it could be easily wiped down
>mfw he asks me how it was

[Anonymous No.12507494]

>>12503011
>A few times I ate one of my roommate's frozen breakfast sandwiches and just bought a whole new box of them the next day out of goodwill
Your Goodwill sells food?

[Anonymous No.12507975]

>>12504014
>t. incel whos too afraid to talk to scary black people

[Anonymous No.12507991]

>>12498192
How about you go buy some groceries and cook your parents dinner instead of bitching about it online and being a useless financial drain

[Anonymous No.12508005]

>>12498312
>*puts your wooden spoons / cutting boards / wood handled knives in the dishwasher*
yr welcom bro

[Anonymous No.12508016]

>>12507487
Asshole. The guy made you a steak dinner that he was clearly excited about and you come on here to try to get anons to laugh at him. You're a real piece of work.

[Anonymous No.12509461]

>>12498192
i got to rub my hard on up against a nice, thicc nigger's ass who i taught how to cut vegetables upon seeing her trying to cut a bell pepper with a plastic knife
i'm standing there holding her strong hands with my cock poking her in the ass as i tell her all about grip, motion, and the knuckles.

got her number, almost made out, saw her slutty roommate's beautiful titty once plop out of no bra and a sleeveless shirt, never really talked to her again.
>tfw i've had more luck with more black girls in college than a single white girl in a +75% white 10:1 female to male university
>fuck women

[Anonymous No.12509536]

>>12507487
so your dad didnt meme his steak with the old reddit reverse sear with salt pepper and rosemary then serve it to you rare as fuck so your 3 testosterone molecules kick into overdrive?
kys ungrateful cunt.

[Anonymous No.12509555]

>>12504976
What the heck happens when you leave an egg boiling that long?

[Anonymous No.12510057]

>>12505084
>she's
sssssssssssss
ttttttttttttttttt
oooooooooooooooooo
pppppppppppppppp
dddddddddddddd
uuuuuuuuuuuuu
dddddddddddddddddddd
eeeeeeeeeeeee

[Anonymous No.12510061]

>>12510057
fuckin yikes, you gotta be 18+ to post here faggot. take a hike

[Anonymous No.12510078]

>>12498202
>his flimsy sissy pan gets ruined by a fucking fork
Cast iron wins again!

[Anonymous No.12510080]

>>12498192
>chilling with roommate watching a movie
>he’s checking his Instagram feed
>”Oh my God why?”
>I look over at the post he’s looking at
>One of his friends is making a “pot roast” in their slow cooker
>it’s literally just a raw hunk of beef thrown in with some broth, salt and pepper, oregano, and half a fucking jar of banana peppers
>”In a few hours the house is going to smell like heave.” reads the caption

[Anonymous No.12510115]

>>12510080
this is my friend's dog, jeff

[Anonymous No.12510142]

>>12510061
you think you're being funny? i'm crippled.
you got anymore wise cracks in those size 46-48's?
didn't think so, buddy. be a little more polite next time, okay?

[Anonymous No.12510176]

>>12507487
Fuck the naysayers. I don't care who you are, if you claim to make a good steak and you make completely the opposite of what you claim, I'm going to tell you. In this case, because it's a father figure, I would offer to teach him how to make a proper steak instead of "cooked meat".

[Anonymous No.12510177]

>>12498242
only newfags do the
>be me
shit in the first place from epic /b/ greentexts they see on /r/4chan

>>12498192
>he does this cause he thinks the roots have medicinal properties
are you chinese or something

[Anonymous No.12510182]

>>12501633
of all things to complain about other people buying, really, decent cookware?

[Anonymous No.12510264]

>>12507487
In his defense, if you can operate a grill properly and know how to pick out a decent cut of meat, a completely unseasoned steak with a side of boiler potatoes and a beer can be a top-tier dinner. Beef is more flavorful than people give it credit for.

[Anonymous No.12510349]

>>12508016
>>12509536
seething

[Anonymous No.12510369]

>>12509555
Very nice digits.
When, obviously, the egg is over cooked.
But if you let it too long, as my roomie does, the water starts to evaporate.
And when there is no water left, the only thing remaining is the egg.
So you burn your egg.
But you burn and already cooked egg, with the shell.
The smell is reaaaaly aweful.

[Anonymous No.12510409]

>>12506125
why did you buy them a pot instead of a new cookslave?

[Anonymous No.12510411]

>>12498192
Any restaurant worker that contaminates food to spite customers. I’ve worked several food jobs, but I always had more respect for the food than I did hatred for the customer.

[Anonymous No.12510448]

>>12510411
God bless you and your kind

[Anonymous No.12510455]

>>12510080
what's wrong with that? sounds like an easy but tasty slow cook

[Anonymous No.12510460]

>>12509461
how do you almost make out. especially when you're already over at hers

[Anonymous No.12510468]

>>12510176
based assertiveness poster

[Anonymous No.12510473]

>>12510455
I'm assuming he's disgusted by the half jar of pickled peppers

[Anonymous No.12510478]

>>12510473
thanks, I thought there was something more to slowcooking that every knew except me

[Anonymous No.12510496]

>>12499772
Faggooot

[Anonymous No.12510503]

>>12501311
that is kinda profound

[Anonymous No.12510506]

>>12510478
It’s actually a recipe called Chicago beef or Mississippi pot roast. Though the Chicago beef uses a jar of giardienna or whatever. It makes really good sandwich meat

[Anonymous No.12510628]

>>12510409
Because that era is over.
The new workers are from neighboring countries because the locals no longer want to do that sort of work. It's a real problem looking for domestic help because the only options now are from the nearby countries which are even more third world than the one we're in, and that means some seriously undereducated and totally untrustworthy characters. My friend's mother's been through 7 or so maids in about a decade because they inevitably "run off with the silverware", as it were, or get pregnant by some construction worker stationed nearby or start a house fire due to retardation or some shit. Way too risky to leave people like that with my aging parents.
That old guy who cooked for us, for me my whole life and my father for nearly 50 years, that sort of service is gone.
I'll miss the food he made.
The dining table hasn't been used for dinner since.

[Anonymous No.12511540]

>>12510455
The pickled peppers are going to overwhelm all the other flavors, and the meat wasn’t seared before it was put in the slow cooker.

[Anonymous No.12511570]

>>12499772
I know this feeling all too well. Oreos and bologna and potato chips and breakfast cereal.

[Anonymous No.12511603]

>>12498192
>old roommate used to cook, a lot
>see him throwing cold water on an oiled pan
>tell him it's going to warp the pan
>pan eventually warps

[Anonymous No.12511611]

>>12511603
Do the oil and water react in some way that warps the pan?? I've put oil in my pasta water to prevent it from boiling over, but I don't want it to warp my pots

[Anonymous No.12511782]

>>12505084
>knife rolls over while lightly scraping cutting board to remove the veggies.

What kind of wankery is this?
Is your knife a literal scrap of pig iron or are you obnoxiously posh?

[Anonymous No.12511817]

>>12501311
It’s to teach you that other human beings are animals and you should treat them as such.

[Anonymous No.12511826]

>>12511611
heat causes expansion putting cold water on the pan makes it shrink causing the pan to warp.

[Anonymous No.12511829]

>>12503063
Oh so it’s just a crouton?

[Anonymous No.12511833]

>>12511782
If you hold your knife perpendicular to the cutting board and scrape it back and forth you're going to bend the edge, regardless of the quality of the steel.

[Anonymous No.12511841]

>>12507975
>t. Tyrone Jamal Smith

[Anonymous No.12511856]

>>12507975
Good on them. Trying to communicate with groids is a chore.

[Anonymous No.12513163]

>>12511829
What do you call a "crouton"?
For me it was small piece of bread, with or without garlic, toasted or not, that you put on your soup.

[Anonymous No.12513420]

>>12498310
fucken amelia bedelia

[Anonymous No.12514856]

>>12511841
His name is my name too!

[Anonymous No.12515269]

>>12510177
>muh reddit boogyman
You fucking zoomer newfag, its a staple of 4chan stories.
Deal with it.

[Anonymous No.12515323]

>>12509555
if you overcook an egg it starts giving off a nasty smell of sulfur

[Anonymous No.12515556]

>>12501288
now THIS is peak flyover