/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.11342898]

>One 'vark to rule them all, One 'vark to find them,
>One 'vark to bring them all, and in the varkness bind them

[Sage No.11342949]

>>11342898
Bait thread sage in all fields

[Anonymous No.11342986]

>>11342949
How is posting my sauce collection "bait", dumb newfag?

[Anonymous No.11342992]

Bought this for the memes
I actually love it.

[Anonymous No.11342993]

>>11342898
How's the green one? They don't sell it where I'm at yet.

[Bait thread sage No.11342996]

>>11342949
>Bait thread sage
Bait thread sage

[Anonymous No.11343003]

for me, it's fortnite

[Anonymous No.11343008]

>>11343003
Sounds like a kind of toothpaste.

[Anonymous No.11343019]

'bird is better

[Anonymous No.11343072]

>>11342949
Enjoy ban for announcing sage

[Anonymous No.11343097]

>>11342993
The Serrabenero verde sauce is extremely good. Especially if you love serrano peppers. It's unsurprisingly a bit milder than the original habanero sauce, but the overall flavor profile goes better on meat, fish and veggies imo. It has a very unique taste that is unlike any verde sauce I've had before.

[Anonymous No.11343106]

>>11343097
Sounds good. I love roasted serranos, but am surprised it's milder than the habanero.

[Anonymous No.11343117]

>>11343106
>surprised it's milder than the habanero.
Serrano peppers are only 10,000 – 23,000 Scovilles compared to 100,000-400,000 Scovilles for a habanero. It's still a fairly hot sauce, but it's not as hot.

[Anonymous No.11343121]

>>11342898
C'mon man, i'm sure you can communicate besides using memes.
I hate to say it but your post is getting kind of predictable, and what happens when you can't surprise me anymore?

I get bored.

[Anonymous No.11343132]

>>11343117
But the original habanero sauce is milder than a raw serrano, so there's no reason for them to make their serrano sauce even more mild than that. I don't really mind, as SA is about hot as I really care to go for an everyday table sauce.

[Anonymous No.11343159]

>>11343132
You have to understand that Secret Aardvark sources habaneros fresh from the farms of indigenous farmers of the Qintana Roo state of the Yucatán Peninsula in Mexico which costs quite a bit per pepper. When their habanero sauce first came out in the early 2000s they got in trouble with the FDA for having a cartoon animal mascot that attracted children on a product that could lead to extreme pain and suffering if a child ingested it (which happened twice according to Scott). Rather than ditch their mascot, which they already trademarked, they decided to make the sauces milder and to compensate for the loss of heat they added pure cane sugar.

[Anonymous No.11343193]

>>11343019
I liked aardvark. I'll try this if I see it at the store.

[Anonymous No.11343204]

I once found a bottle of the ole' vark at my local grocery chain (wal-mart). I was surprised such an exotic item would be at MY local part of the woods, so I figured why not!

Now let me tell you bois, when I was in my car with my bag of all different varieties of 'vark (i didn't end up getting anything else, had to go back the next day), I couldn't think of anything else but tearing into one of these bad bois. I had the habanero variety, but i thought these would be much too hot! So I settled on a milder one, and it even came in a yellow bottle! Now I'm not ashamed too admit I was horny as fuck the second one drop touched my tongue. It was honestly the best thing I ever tasted. I proceeded to drink 2 bottles of the liquid gold right there in the parking lot. Heaven.

Now its about this time my erection is starting to become an annoyance. Its raging fever hadn't subsided through any of this, starting the moment I saw so many bottles on the shelf (and that mascot is pretty arousing himself). I'm pretty sure the cashier calle d security on me because I was wearing athletic shorts and had a rager LMAO

[Anonymous No.11343212]

>>11343204
Okay so here is where things got a little weird. I had to take care of this 'vark boner, so i pulled out behind my local grocery stop and tried to get in a spot where no one could see me (there wasn't one exactly), so I made due best as I could. I pulled my 'vark out and saw he needed tamed. I pulled out a bottle of the habenaro sauce, and I poured it all over my hand and cock. I then proceeded to have the most magical orgasm of my entire life. I'm not kidding, I had second degree burns inside my urethra but I would do it again in a heartbeat (and I will). But I happened to be next to what I assume was an employee exit because a couple girls were smoking outside and staring at me through this process. I had skedaddle, knowing that if I was aprehended by some pig they would probably take my vark as evidence

Long story short, the 'vark just gave me the best day of my life

[Anonymous No.11343225]

>>11343019
>>11343193
>not posting the /r9k/-tier neetposting poem on the side of the bottle

[Anonymous No.11343259]

>>11343204
>(and that mascot is pretty arousing himself)
I know exactly what you mean! I was in Tiny's Coffee on 12th Southeast Ave in Portland a year and a half ago when I experienced something similar. My fiancee was gone with her friends on a cruise to Jamaica for her bachelorette party for 2 months and I was practically bursting out of my chastity cage because she had the key to it. My weewee looked like a bloated vienna sausage pressed between a waffle iron and shoved through a sewer grate and my testicles were bigger than ever before and a deep shade of purple.
Seeing as how my then fiancee banned me from even making eye contact with another girl I was just minding my own business while eating my food until I made eye contact with Varky The Aardvark on the 'vark sauce bottle. He was the hottest fucking thing in the world to me for about 210 minutes. I was silently fantasizing about what a snout that long and hips that wide could do to and for me. I was in a deliriously hormy state as I was constantly rubbing my throbbing cage through my skinny jeans. I realized what I needed to do now more than ever and without skipping a beat I grabbed the 'vark sauce bottle and briskly walked to the restroom trying to hide the bottle between my arm and my side.
I ran to the stall and closed the door as fast as possible whereupon I unbuttoned and unzipped my skinny jeans. The sensation of my chastity belt chafing my skin felt like my skin was being peeled with a vegetable slicer, but this wouldn't stop me.
I carefully positioned the 'vark bottle on the toilet tank lid and went to work helplessly rubbing my cage until I realized the spikes had atrophied over half of my penis and there was no way I could masturbate through the cage. My lust unquenched I realized my only other option.

[Anonymous No.11343265]

>>11343259
I pulled my XL butt plug out from my anus making my prostate shift back into place. The sensation was heavenly, being quickly replaced by emptiness. I yearned for it to be filled and as my gaze met Varky's eyes one more time I felt several months of pent up sexual frustration come to a head. He was simultaneously the sexiest creature I had ever seen yet and also the most alluring. I grabbed the bottle and kissed his face for what felt like a lifetime but was actually a full minute. Without another breath I sank that bottle as deep as I humanly could into the inner sanctum of my rectum. For several minutes I stood there in bliss, letting the bottle roughly press against my prostate over and over. My body went numb as my anus tightened trying to shove the bottle out in vain, but instead only succeeding in squeezing the bottle's sweet, hot nectar into me. I squeezed as hard as I could with equal parts pleasure and pain blowing load after load of Secret Aardvark Habanero Hot sauce into me.

[Anonymous No.11343273]

>>11343265
Throughout this whole ordeal I could see in my minds eye my lover Varky embracing me and filling me with his thick tool until my virgin hole milked every last drop of sauce from his thick member. I fell to my knees as they violently quivered beyond my control. I could no longer suppress my moans, I was enthralled by ecstasy and I didn't care if the world knew it. Upon climaxing I filled my chastity cage to the brim with my dirty squirties even getting them all over my skinny jeans and the floor. The sensation of the 'vark sauce flooding my rectum tingled my prostate forcing me into yet another climax. Before I knew it I had orgasmed more times than I could count and an employee was banging on the door asking if I was okay. I mustered a hushed "yes" out of my disheveled and embarrassing stupor. I waited for them to leave then tried to clean up the mess with toilet paper before shortly realizing that my anus forced the cap wide open and it was stuck. At that point it was excruciating as the sauce endlessly burned my bowels. I ended up walking my bicycle two miles home to my apartment in agony, but the memories of the most euphoric day of my life soothed the pain. The bottle eventually came out of my anus that night and I wiped it off as best as I could to save it as a reminder of what 'vark really means to me. Luckily I still have and use that bottle since I refill it every couple of days, pic very related.

[Anonymous No.11343521]

>>11342898
your life is so empty you're crusading against a sauce.

[Anonymous No.11343573]

>>11343521
How is owning, using and loving some sauces a "crusade" against them? Honest question.

[Anonymous No.11343597]

>>11343573
Ignore him. He's just some hipsterfag aspie with a hateboner for people posting SA because he doesn't want it to "go mainstream".

[Anonymous No.11343598]

>>11343273
vark is pretty good

[Anonymous No.11343610]

>>11343598
"Pretty good" is a understatement. It's pretty great and you know it.

[Anonymous No.11343626]

>>11343610
You know it bro

[Anonymous No.11344845]

>>11343626
'Varkin at the beach in Java. Anywhere, anytime, you know your boy is straight up 'varkin!

[Anonymous No.11344850]

>>11343626
'Varkin at the beach in Java. Anywhere, anytime, you know your boy is straight up 'varkin!

[Anonymous No.11345355]

Now THIS is cooking

[Anonymous No.11345364]

>>11343610
>>11343626
samefag

[Anonymous No.11345368]

>>11345364
Seething

[Anonymous No.11345513]

I JUST put some Secret Aardvark Habanero Hot Sauce on a slice of Wonder Bread and it was GOAT.

[Anonymous No.11346852]

>>11345513
Yep I'm thinking he's back.

[Anonymous No.11347004]

>>11343097
>>11343132
>>11343159
jfc the shilling is getting out of control

[Anonymous No.11347021]

>>11347004
>>>/x/

[Anonymous No.11347036]

>>11347004
No no, it's not shilling, it's a meme so it's okay

Haha, right guys?

[Anonymous No.11347048]

>>11347036
It's just really good. Your life will be easier when you learn to accept that and move you.

[Anonymous No.11347064]

>>11347048
>good products don't count

If you're not Steve from the marketing department, you sure got marketed to by Steve from the marketing department