/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>9884185
Because you have no social skills.
/thread

>>9884185
It's only ever awkward if your house is trashed.

I don't think i have ever had an awkward moment with a pizza delivery peon.

I'm not sure what's so awkward they knock you pay/tip them and that's about it. You must live in a shitty area, not have tipped them, be autistic, or have some kind of deformity for a pizza delivery to feel awkward.

>tfw pizza man interactions are the closest you have come to having a guest in your home in years

>>9884191
>threading yourself
It’s time for you to fuck off

>>9884185
leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here!

>>9884414
>t-that'll be $13.99 + tip

Hey, I tell ya what I'm gonna give (You) I'm gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property before I pump your guts full lead!

>>9884185
I remember my family ordering pizza once and the fat neckbeard delivery guy kept peeking in at the door trying to check out my sisters watching tv.
real not smooth.

>>9884386
>not meeting the pizza man at the curb so he can't see inside your house
have you no shame?

I wear a robe at home. So most of the time I do carryouts after I put on boxers and boots.
But when I get delivery whoever is at the door sees my cock.
If its a girl you know im swingin dick

>>9884185
Because you can't know if they spit in your food and/or are casing your house.

>>9884299
I haven't had a pizza delivered in 15 years so when he stuck around instead of turning to leave I was so confused when he gave me guff for wanting my $5 in change.

>>9884397
But he's right, it's not up for discussion.

>>9885466
I don’t care if he’s right or wrong. You do not /thread yourself you massive fucking newfaggot

>>9885470
Is that you
Cute!

>living in apartment
>next door neighbor orders pizza
>pizza guy knocks on their door but I hear it and think someone is at my door
>answer it and get confused when I see him because I didn't order pizza
>stare into his eyes silently for five seconds before he says "Uhhh, hi?"
>only now do I realize he's there for the neighbor
>keep staring for a couple seconds while I try to decide if I should say anything
>decide against it and just slowly close the door

>>9884185
they only give pizza jobs to autistic people. Just greet them, pay them, thank them, and close the door. not that hard.
awkwardness happens when to autists meet each other.

>>9884185
>*Can smell weed coming through door*
>Hey bro, wanna come in and smoke a bowl?

Every. Single. Time. We have to deal with a lot of degenerates, a lot of stiff-tippers, and a lot of just general douchebaggery. Typically, it's awkward because we're awkward, but you idiots made us this way.

>>9884185
>open door
>hello buddy how's it going
>take pizza
>give money
>thank you very much have a good evening
>close door

Not to hard op

>>9885626
I wish people offered a smoke

>>9885592
>but I hear it and think someone is at my door
That has been my life for years.

>>9884185
It's even worst when It's a female driver.
I get drunk as fuck before I order delivery, It's helps with anxiety. Especially If I get a sexy female driver

>>9885858
Why would a sexy female be a delivery driver?

>>9885183
wait, are you saying you go pick up carry out in boxers, boots and a robe? cause thats the type of shit I do too. shine on, you crazy diamond.

>>9884185
Put some clothes on before answering the door. I resented the principle of having to for years, but eventually I caved. it's just easier than the fallout.

>>9885865
His standards are low.
Even lower when hes drunk.

>>9885889
Yea I like to get carryouts because they usually come with deals, so I get "dressed". But normally I chill in my robe at home or when I drive around. If I gotta get down, dress. If I gotta go somewhere I have never been to, I put more clothes on but keep my robe. Until I become a regular and go with robe, boxers and boots. I don't give a shit if they think it's weird, it's my life, I'mma live how I want.
Like a king

>>9885865
Happens pretty often in college towns familam.

>>9884185
Depends what order they hand you shit

>pizza guy hands me the pizza
>then expects me to sign the receipt
>have to awkwardly juggle shit

>>9885124
alright anon, I'm going!

I usually order from Dominos because it’s cheap and I always get the same delivery guy; a Russian dude in his late 50’s. He’s always super friendly and I always give him a nice tip. Always says the same thing too:

>How are you, my friend?

I usually order late after I get off work but if I order earlier he always comments on it. Nice dude.

Because pizza delivery guys are either students who don't give a fuck, addicts who can't hold down another job, or some loser who has tried other things but can only manage to not fuck up pizza delivery, and even then they're still pretty bad at it

I've had maybe 1 or 2 pleasant pizza guy experiences the rest were either awful or awkward at best

>Order pizza
>Delivery boy rings doorbell
>Pay
>He's still standing there for some reason
>Shut the door in his face and go eat my dinner
>Friend tells me later that it's customary to "tip", and I realize why he was waiting
>Feel bad

>>9884185
>eating pizza

>>9885971
Really, everytime it's a woman delivering food around here she is usually an older lady.

>>9886062
I hope others are nice to him

Used to know some people that would have me answer the door for them cuz they're too scared to talk to the pizza guy

>>9884185
>>9884191
I agree it is clearly OP's autism.

>>9885183
>t. Charlie Rose

>>9885961
>>9885889
look its the mcpoyle brothers

>Be 5'10" /fit/ manlet
>Order pizza online
>Order gets here, it's some cute young girl
>Easily 4' tall
>Like holy fuck what the hell how did she drive here
>Stare at her
>She stares back
>Continue staring at her until I realize I need to pay
>Hand her a $20
>She hands me the pizzas
>Close the door
>Entire interaction done in silence
>Mfw halfway through my first pizza I realized I was only in boxer shorts when I answered the door

>>9886253
t. out of shape Dicklet

>>9884185
I've never had a bad experience with the pizza dude in my life. I always have my money ready and I always tip well.

>>9884414
>>9884386
HA, I've just watched this film. Home Alone that is.

>>9884185
It isn't, and if you have such trouble with it, make sure you have the exact chance etc so you don't have to he clumsy. Be prepared

>>9886273
kek don't be so assmad. you guys got a sister too?

>>9884185
Because I'm usually high as shit whenever I order pizza and I have to remember how to act like a person instead of a nearly comatose vegetable who feels hungry but actually isn't.

That said I always give the delivery guy a $5 tip for having to deal with my stupid high ass. I maybe order pizza once a month at the very most.

>>9884397
He’s definitely right though. Self /threading is a risky move but I think it paid off in this case.

>>9885767
>open door
>helo buddy how's it going
>take pizza
>give money
>thank you okay bye i love you
FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU SAID THIS WAS EASY WHY DID I SAY THAT

How is it awkward? I'm genuinely asking. I've nevered ordered pizza delivery, but I've gotten delivery Chinese and delivery Indian before. Neither seemed particularly awkward. Here's how it goes down.
>ding-dong
>:: answer door ::
>'that'll be x-amount of money, please'
>"here you go, keep the change"
Unless something has fundamentally changed in the delivery-person/customer dynamic in the last several years (honestly can't remember the last time I got delivery, but it was years ago), I don't see what's so awkward about handing money to a stranger in exchange for food.

>waiting for 'za
>female driver
>Ask if she's tryna smash because you miss every shot you don't take
>No thanks, and then walks away
>I didn't even pay
>I didn't even tip
>Sweating profusely at this point
>Remember I used a card
So close

if youre ordering chain pizza its awkward AF because they think youre going to actually eat that shit after they watched eddy the new guy cum in the sauce and wipe his balls on your food.

story time lads
>be me, 16 in high school
>work at a pizza place
>when a customer calls and we enter your info it has a bunch of fields we fill out
>one field is notes that can be edited later
>if you don't tip we wrote that shit down
>if you don't tip habitually we wrote down "Use Dougs special"
>Dougs special is pubs
>always awkward as fuck to deliver when you know theres pubs in the pizza

Do you tip well OP?

>>9887974
just b urself ;)

>>9888492
It was awkward, was it? I bet this is your daily life
>wake up turn alarm down, don't wanna wake up neighbors
>leave house see neighbor say sorry for alarm and stare at shoes to avoid eye contact. It was awkward cuz she said "I didn't even notice"
>Go to store n can't find my treats. Already walked past correct aisle 3 times so don't want to look weird walking past it again.
>At checkout kid puts a candybar in with my groceries. Feel awkward so look at my shoes.
>Checkout clerk asks if the candybar is mine. Say, "I don't know and hand her the money"
>It was awkward so I look at my shoes.
>Go to parking lot but car is on other side. Don't want to be seen walking all the way across because awkward so take bus.
>It was awkward and we all felt awkward on the bus.

Not everything is awkward you simpleton.

>>9888515
No shit everything isn’t awkward, but handing somebody a pizza with another person’s pubes on it definitely is. Fuck outta here.

>>9888492
So that's why I always find short wiry hair in my pizza. I just thought it was from my dogs' shedding and it never bothered me.

>>9888515

>>9884194
what the fuck. why would you care what your house looks like. ive literally answered the door out drunk in my boxers. who gives two fucks what somebody your never going to see again thinks. Definitely not me.

>>9885492
>>9885470
elliot roger was a decent looking guy, he must have been a real sperg if he had that much trouble picking up women

or, more likely, he had the hots for his sister and couldn't deal with it. I would, if I had a sister that looked like that, jesus I'd probably lose my mind

>deliver pizza
>hand customer my clipboard with receipt and pen
>they always try to struggle to slide the pen back into position on the clipboard for whatever reason
>say to them "oh don't worry I got it"
>they continue to struggle awkwardly and smile

This happens with 9/10 customers I have

>>9889519
nah. he has serial killer face like richard ramerez... cooze picks up on that.

>>9889528
>cooze
I've only ever seen this word in a stephen king novel. are there people who really talk like this?

>>9889535
at least two dipshit.

>>9889551
what's your background? approximate age, approximate region, approximate social class

I'm not trying to pick a fight, I'm just curious

>>9889555
over 30, North East US, Upper Middle

>>9888492
the fuck is a pub you stupid 12 year old fuck

>>9889598
he meant pube, but does not have any so has never had to spell it before.

>>9884185

Evolution has not carried man far enough to make casual conversation with the pizza man a 'natural' thing to do. They have only been around several decades after all - within a generation even!

>>9885174

>not wearing a duster coat, fedora, and shades whilst you make the necessary financial exchange

>>9889558
>north east
Are we talking more like, "rural Maine up near the Canadian border" or more like "Brooklyn Heights"

>>9889620
Upstate NY

>>9889643
Stephen King is from rural New England, I wonder if it’s a related dialect

>>9889662
nah... it is just no longer in common usage.

>>9884185
because you subconsciously know it's a shitty job and human beings deserve something with more dignity

>>9889619
>not telling the correct address information and meeting the delivery driver 4 streets away because paranoia of him coming back to your apartment and catching you fap to shadman

>>9884191
fpbp

>>9889598
>retards don't know the pub is just a bar
fucking get educated.

>>9892561
You trolling? If you are, next time misspell educated.

>>9885626
But 95% of your pizza-boy colleagues would accept every time.

Are we supposed to say something to the pizza man?
>open door
>take pizza
>close door

>>9893460
"Thanks"

>>9893460
Paying them is also an important step, I'd think.

>>9884185
>hey, are you Anon?
>yeah
>[hands pizza]
>thanks
>I just need you to sign this for me [hands receipt]
>[sign receipt, hand it back] thanks, have a good night
>you too! [leaves]

wow, so awkward!

>>9893460
That sounds pretty awkward and rude, my man.

>>9885858
>Look at pizza tracker
>Driver has female name
>Have panic attacks for the next 20 minutes and then pretend I'm not home when she arrives
>Even hungrier now because of panic attacks and no pizza to fix it
>tfw

>>9886062
That sounds very pleasant

There is a gyro shop near this placed I used to live that I would frequent. The owner was this fat old turk and he would always shake my hand and say something kind.
Haven't been there in a long time.

Because I dont tip

>>9884185
Because they're always pakis who don't speak the language