/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>9869467
Me every morning.
Not pictured: playing simcity on ipad.

is that badly molten chocolate or fucking chilli?

>>9869467
>do Americans really

>>9869467
Did someone put water in it?

Sloppy joe fountain?

>>9869473
yes

>>9869471
it’s seized chocolate
some retard kid probably got sprite in it or something

>>9869467
>Webm thread
already is one but alright, I guess you're probably a millennial with the attention span of a fucking hummingbird, so it's not surprising you would do this

>>9869568
Yeah, if only everybody could be as smart and bitter as you. Then the board would be amazing.
Or as the kids say; amazeballs.

>>9869568
>probably a millennial
so youre either a fucking old man or an underaged faggot that shouldnt be on 4chan in the first place.

>>9869568
MULLENIULLLLLSSSSSS

>>9869467
M-MASAKA!!

>>9869614
or if you had the common sense to check the catalogue

>>9869483
i fucken hate this goddamn webm

>>9869470
>ipad
lol faggot

>>9869467
lol Their pump will burn up.

>>9869614
doggo swoops in to bamboozle the bamboozler

>>9869467
Is this a chili con carne fountain?

>>9870561
I wonder how they taste, doesnt look like they season them at all

welcome to the ck webm thread chinaman hour

>>9869633
This skirted between vulgar, gross, and arousing for a little bit, but it immediately just went into corny. I hope that's what they were trying to do and the first part wasn't just an accident.

>>9870561
They could at least bash their head in first.
Why do only whites feel empathy with animals?

>>9869474
Probably. Working banquets sucks sometimes. With wealthier clientele you have to babysit their dumbasses because they think they know better. Inheriting money does not mean you should try to thin out the fountain with your bottled water.

>>9870321
haha

>>9870582
because they lost contact with them, your forefather didn't feel the empaty you talk about and still lived amongst animals

>>9869568
Yeah stupid 30 year olds haha they’re so dumb

>>9870610
>natives shitposting on ck

smdh

>>9870582
>Why do only whites feel empathy with animals?
There are animal welfare movements in Asia and I know a part of it has to do with basic living standards for people being better, but I've always wondered if it had anything to do with white people more often keeping cows for milk. Indians and Africans keep cows for milk and it seems like the ones who do this also have more empathy with wanting to protect cows. Keeping the animal alive and healthy so it can keep producing milk might form a sense of empathy.

>>9870610
>your forefather didn't feel the empaty
How do you know?

>>9870663
oral tradition

Here we go

>>9870793
I have an anal tradition with your mom, BIRCH

>>9871321
This guy cuts onions like a fucking retard

>>9871362
He does everything like a retard, he has 0 dexterity

>>9871362
Good news, anon

>>9871365
Tomato American?

You mean Aztecs? He doesn't look Mexican. And Mexicans didn't invent pizza.

>>9871371
If any meat is raw other than steak it's immediately jack

>>9871374
You are just a wealth of knowledge. Have you ever considered teaching, or eating fucking poison?

>>9871371
>not enjoying the delicacy that is jelly-filled medium rare chicken
are you absolutely shitting me right now, lad?

>>9871442
cyanide is a great almond substitute give it a try

>>9871321
>tfw Ja/ck/ makes you come in close

>>9871321
thats the ugliest knife ive ever seen

>>9869633
I don't get it

>>9871365
Well for one thing that's Pizza Pizza so it's Canada

>>9870572
pretty sure they coated them in salt in the webm

>>9871510
>he puts the corndog into cold oil

>>9869467
is that refried beans?

>>9870590
>inheriting money
commie found :^)

>>9871682
I think it might be chili. Either way I wanna skull fuck the mother fucker who thought was this okay.

>>9870552
What is that?

Ok realtalk to everyone ITT, this is a chocolate fountain that screwed up because somehow water got inside the fountain so the chocolate comes out like chunky poop.

Much to our entertainment.

>>9869620
>>9869621
respect your elders, feggit

>>9869483
I thought that was pancake batter. It could have been interesting.
You made me sad.
I am sad now.

>>9870561
I can smell mackerel. What have you done to me?

Seriously, I want to go broil some god damned chubs.

>>9870572
the seasoning is suffering

>>9869499
>Devilish

>>9870555
is this Japanese Mexican fusion or some shit?

>>9870610
bullshit, neck yourself

>>9870552
>>9870555

>>9872616
>OMG how could other people be so mean to others?
>Bullshit neck yourself!
>Literally "they're evil when they do it, I'm justified when I do it"

The power of modern millennial empathy, ladies and gentlemen

>>9869470
>edit: oh wow I've never gotten over 1000 upvotes before haha!
>edit: thanks for the gold!

>>9871683
I'm absolutely for leaving your money and belongings to your children or whoever you want. But any able-bodied adult should have to work 6 months before being issued anything to give them perspective on life. Also, regardless of the amount, inheritance tax should be illegal. You are double-taxing income

>>9869614
good webm

>>9871510

Like for fucks sake dude

>>9869633
the scissors were my fav part

>>9870552
>all those knife lines in the cheese
dishonorable.

>>9870555
Literally what in the fuck is this shit and why do they use shells for everything
Is this some Mexican-Demolition Man-seafood fusion cooking

>>9872429
ameriga

>>9871321
>moving all those little bits in the beginning
JUST FUCKING BRUSH THEM AWAY
fuck I love/hate Jack.

>>9872429

>>9870555
>>9870552
what the fuck am I watching

>>9872429
I loved that episode

>>9869483
What the fuck is going on? What is that white shit and how does it turn solid?

>>9871365
>put hand on floor to do handstand
>go back to touching dough
Fucking neanderthal

>>9873284
The surface is cold, not hot.
He's making ice cream.

>>9873290
It's a practice pizza, not real food. Do you think actual dough would stay that same exact size and shape after all that twirling?

>>9873294
>surface is cold
Huh that's neat.

Why is be putting a burger in it? Is it like flavorless ice cream or is that shit vanilla with nasty chunks of burger in it?

>>9873304
It's easier to attract attention with bullshit than with actually good cooking, sadly.

>>9873301
Idk I'm not Italian

>>9871371
That poor Shun..

>>9870582
>proceeds to boil lobster

>>9873045
eh,if you're born into money and have no fucking idea what to do with it you'll end up broke in no time

>>9873465
yeah, that must be why "old money" is a myth

>>9873481
those people are actually taught what to do though

>>9872429

>>9873492
nice

>>9873016
Based eggposter

>>9871365
I'll have a pepperoni, hold the sweat and grime.

>>9871510
How does a grown man fuck up this poorly? How has he survived for the past 50 years? Darwin's theory has been disproved with this one.

>>9870561
It's like godzilla's tail at the end of the film.

>>9871733
Crab meat with sauce made of more crab and molted cheese.

>>9873082
would probably be better without all the chinks but alright

>>9871321
i like how Jack not only buys, but prefers to use products that were advertised on late night cable
it shows dedication and a sense of style

>>9869614
Strangely satisfying

>>9869471
I would rather have a chili fountain tbqh

>>9871371
I hate that fucking fork

>>9872859
Redditors should stay on reddit. Even feces has the decency to stay in the sewer.

>>9870552

I thought that was a human skull bowl.

>>9873574
KYS retard,

>>9873016
>/fit/
manlet gonna make it huh

>>9871371
>that bleeding thumb

>>9871510

>>9871371
so did he consider this a success or admit it was a failure?

>>9873914
Oh, he called it a success. He called it juicy and advised people who didn't like it to give it a minute in the microwave oven.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eO6e5k6Vvnc

>>9873914
I believe he said to "pop it in the microwave" for a few seconds to get the pink out or something stupid like that

>>9873016
Mirin that dedication. He's either gonna make it or he's gonna die.

>>9873926
nice fried stake

>>9873082
>$2800

>>9873304
newfags are supposed to lurk for atleast half a year before they post

>>9873950
i reference that video all the time with my friends and they never get it

>>9874001
it's two years

>>9873922
>>>9873914
>Oh, he called it a success. He called it juicy and advised people who didn't like it to give it a minute in the microwave oven.
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eO6e5k6Vvnc

And this dumb wap had the balls to argue with me about letting raw chicken come to room temp prior to cooking it.

>>9874120
You can tell shit is going horribly wrong when someone pulls out doritos and places them with tongs. Everything after that is a level of hell I didn't know existed.

>>9873082

fucking roasties

>>9873294
>big mac ice cream
Who the fuck thinks this is appetizing?

>>9874159
americans

>>9874159
>>9874174
it looks like something that would probably be on one of those facebook/instagram food porn pages.

>>9871321
>>9871371
>>9871510
HOW
JUST FUCKING HOW
HOW THE FUCK CAN SOMEONE WHO HAS A COOKING CHANNEL BE SO COMPLETELY INEPT AT FUCKING COOKING

I HOPE SOMEONE IN HIS FAMILY DIES FROM HIS COOKING AND HE KILLS HIMSELF FROM THE SHAME AND ANGUISH

>he eats his deserts from a bowl or plate

>>9874294

>>9874282
He has enough loyal viewers to maintain his $4,000ish a month revenue while his wife has a good job in Nashville, a relatively low cost of living area.

So, he can continue to be a 50 year old man child who fails at cooking.

>>9874282
Wok cooking has to be some of the most physically-demanding cooking, along with real barbecue, hauling wood and whole hogs.

>>9874299
the internet was a mistake.

>>9874309
being a noodle maker isn't easy, either. wish i had a webm of the guys who have to bounce on a giant wooden pole to flatten the dough

>>9874309
>>9874321
found it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvgerxieSpo

>>9874321
What's amazing is how in Japan you can get food at places like that pretty cheap oftentimes. I had this one udon shop I liked that made their own noodles in front of the customers. My meal there typically cost around $6.

>>9872429
I refuse to accept a human that literally gags on the smell of some greens. holy shit

you guys got any more Ja/ck/

>>9874298
goddamn, that line control is impressive

>>9874661
Ask and you shall receive

>>9874661

>>9869633
Best webm ever

>>9874661
and more

>>9874298
I bet the busboy loves when people order that

>>9870552
Cheese is the only thing I recognize

>>9874298
once he finished I would laugh, shake my head without saying a word, get up and walk straight out without paying the bill, and no tip

>>9874298
>here is your clursterfuck of a dessert sir
>that will be 100$ plus tip

>>9869471
Do you see a single chili bean in that "chili"?

If no, then it obviously isn't chili, is it?

>>9871371
I’m pretty sure this was actually either testing a recipe or testing some product.

>>9873304
Probably just for shock value or something. Some novelty ice cream flavor. Those places are neat, Big Mac ice cream is gross

>>9874001
If what >>9874033 says is true then you >>9874001 must also be a “newfag”.

>>9874120
I want to know what establishment this is so I can avoid it.

>>9874282

Sometimes I see Jack do something that I do and I feel like a retard, but then I remember that at least I'm not recording myself doing it and putting it on youtube.

>>9874875
alinea

>>9873887
oh my god, I never noticed that before

>>9874741
The same exact reaction to that particular Webm... Hmm.

>>9870613
30 year olds are milenials

>>9870582
Whites killed every large animal on their land. Then they went to countries that were living with large animals for millennia like India and started killing them off too. Whites have no empathy for animals in a broad sense only on a guy level while watching these videos.

>>9870552
Clearly, it's Taiwanese crab mornay.

>>9873016

>>9874326
I think that most of them actually end up infertile

>>9875085
nobody reees like gaston

>>9870561

>>9872766
>(You)

>>9875045
I actually had soy sauce ice cream and it was good

>>9874587
Because it's one person working for themselves with super cheap ingredients. Their cost of living is basically nothing so they can afford to do it.

>>9875163
>Their cost of living is basically nothing
>In japan
u wot m8

>>9875037
Experts Guide to Viral Facebook Food Videos
>No more than 4 ingredients
>One must be basic ass bitch rolls or dough
>Make it look like a food people like such as pizza
>Just throw everything together then bake it

>>9875169
These places aren't in the middle of Tokyo, they are in the bumfuck nowhere little towns.

>>9875037
Why the fuck wouldn't you just make them like you'd make ravioli instead?

>>9875175
You can still get udon super cheap with fresh noodles even in the middle of tokyo, though.

>>9870552
>>9870555
>>9870561
its a shame there hasnt been a new tokyo gastronomy video in so long. always enjoyed watching them even though i'd be the absolute last person you'd see liking the actual food

>>9869614
Good dog saves cat from snek cucumber.

>>9874949
Yeah but he's making money and laughing at the haters. Meanwhile we keep posting on the chans and masterbating to anime.

>>9873082
i better get some sucky sucky rong time along with that for 2800

>>9875277
>Combine the worst aspects of all these preprocessed frozen foods into one!

>>9875283
Now you're thinking with Facebook!

>>9871572
To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand /ck/. The humor is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of culinary physics most of the jokes will go over a typical channer's head. There's also Jack posting, which is deftly woven into the webm thread - a philosophy drawing heavily from gourmet society literature, for instance. The cu/ck/s understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these posts, to realize that they're not just funny- they say something deep about COOKING. As a consequence people who dislike /ck/ truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in /ck/'s existencial Jack posting which itself is a cryptic reference to Gordon Ramsay's epic How to Make Cocaine.
I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their pans in confusion as /ck/'s genius unfolds itself on their computer screens. What fools... how I pity them.

>>9874120
>opening a dorito bag sideways with scissors and taking them out with tongs
why not just open it from the top and dump them out around the ramen noodles?

>>9875286
I was reminded of this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-_FO9p8Xdg

>>9874298
>makes a pretty design
>literally smashes it to pieces at the end
what the fuuuuuuuuck

also what do you eat? the little candies he gave you? do you lick the table? wtf is happening

>>9874298
>that piece of candy in plastic wrap

>>9875307

>>9874732
The menu at Alinea is pre-fixe. Meaning that You get a multi-course meal at a fixed price. The menu changes every season. I don't think they do the dessert on table thing with every menu but it must be tedious to use those single use table clothes so many times.

>>9875307
This means something. This is important.

>>9874710

How the hell do you fuck up Yorkshire puddings? That shit is "boiling water" levels of easy.

>>9875336
This gave me vertigo.

>>9871510
>right into stone cold oil

Holy shit, what a fucking legend.

>>9875332
Jamie's puddings vs Jack
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUMiZKyM6AA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUvIJqhq0KQ
Jack didn't heat his fat before adding the batter.

>>9875347
Jack after watching Jamie's video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMZaXDymBqI

>>9875273
Canadians drink maple syrup, not corn syrup. At least get your stereotypes right.

>>9875045
I put curry sauce on vanilla ice cream. It wasn't bad.

>>9874326
>using a machine to roll out the noodle dough
>using a second machine to cut the noodles

fake & gay.

>>9869470
>ipad
>giving ea money

Unironic gulag

>>9872429
This botch must have something else other than obesity going on because I refuse to believe that someone can react to brussel sprouts like that and NOT be a kid who doesn't wanna eat greens.

>>9873016
Put cool hand luke to fuckin shame.

>>9870552
>>9870555
Looks like the kind of thing you'd serve to an incredibly fat person to impress them.

>>9875037
Ok, these actually look good. Except for the pineapple and ham ones, eesh.

>>9875336
I had to cook Beef Stroganoff as part of my military service (military cook). That webm makes me want to track down the perp and execute them.

1. Cut beef into strips.
2. Saute chopped spring onions, set aside.
3. Briefly sear off beef in onion pan.
4. Saute sliced mushrooms after removing beef.
5. Deglaze with white wine.
6. Go to low heat, add sour cream and mushrooms, combine.
7. Add beef/onion mix, warm gently.
8. Serve over rice with the sliced green ends of the spring onions.

It's actually even easier than I make it sound. That webm is retarded.

>>9870582
>wh*te
>feels emphathy

I bet you never work in farm

>>9874587
Thats chinese boi

>>9874789
Well, not nessicarily.

>>9869467

Anybody else notice the chocolate looks like shit?

>>9875679
Why does every single one of these meme recipes starts with pizza dough?

>>9875715
Because all normies like pizza.

>>9875709
Nope.

>>9875720
i-is she a normie?

>>9872859
>revealing your reddit power level

Your not welcome in our secret club anymore

>>9869483
I bet this wouldn't be so bad.

>>9870582
I'm black and this made me uncomfortable.

>>9870561
They didn't even gut them??

>>9875794
That's where all the good stuff is.

>>9875803
When can I show them my big American meat?

>>9875812
When you get Photoshop.

>>9875803
>tfw smoke my own ribs and have perfected the art
its a great feeling

>>9873532
Modern medicine and gubmint programs really fuck with natural selection. The more advancements we make as a species, the more retards and good for nothings, that haven't been taught how to live properly, exist.

>>9873887

>>9875336
where the pickles at

>>9875803
>american style
>with your hands
Are you telling me people eat ribs with forks and knives?

>>9875170
>Half the final weight must be cheese
Bonus points for using over three kinds of cheese

>>9875906
Do you hate cheese? Are you some kind of faggot?

>>9870555
Bechamel soup?

>>9875893
Literally no skill involved at all, but by saying 'adventurous foodies' will like it they just suckered in ten thousand morons.

>>9875067
The fuck did we do to you?

>>9875803

>american style
>eating it with your hands

How the fuck else would you eat it, you fucking daft gook?

>>9875858
That's fucking cool, I want to draw dicks in someone's coffee.

>>9875964
It's literally just a cheese grater. What the fuck?

>>9875893
for what purpose

>>9869483
The more I see this the more I want to try it.

>>9876053
For fun.

>>9875336
>missing the essential ingredient that makes stroganoff what it is

>>9876102
way to ruin it with shitty cheese....

>>9875939
With a knife and fork autismo

>>9871461
And the shits it gives you after are legendary. Soyboy will never understand.

>>9871365
Fake ass rubber practice dough

>>9876174
>parmessan
>shitty cheese
Spotted the pleb

>>9873301
>practice pizza
Do americans really do this?

>>9876263
>being so american you think this shit tastes anything like legit parmesan

>>9875067
YumFood is a satire channel

>>9875858
>Cinnnamon
Reddit's favorite spice

>>9876266
>practice pizza
You have a practice pizza to make sure you're actually hungry enough for the real pizza. Europoors wouldn't understand

>>9875123
>"When you put it like that... I guess I can see your point."

>>9875045
IT'S TIME TO STOP

>>9876334
ebin meme

>>9876272
>brandwars

I thought /ck/ was better than this

>>9876337
for you

>>9876053

>>9875163
holy shit that webm
kudos to that guy

>>9874282
That's a big ass wok.

>>9876263
please...

>>9875893
>foodies

>>9870572
After he opens their mouth, he uses some kind of syrringe to inject some green stuff.

>>9872429
It really confuses me that people dislike vegetables, whilst they may not taste the best (sometimes due to being boiled until grey by their mothers) they make you feel so fucking good and healthy.

>>9873016
imagine what it would be like to burp after this...

>>9876272
It's not so much about the "brand" as it's about the fact that it's pre-grated shit being sold in what is basically a salt shaker.
Even the cheapest real parmesan, for grating at home, you can find in Walmart would be better than that.

>>9874731
>Flicking that piece of whatever
every time

>>9875772
how about you just not lose the cap next time dipshit

>>9874731
I can understand eating cold baked beans but what the fuck?

And he threw away the fat?

>>9876514

>>9876514
Do americans actually find this funny?

>>9875170
> Never use real garlic, only powder

>>9874715
I really love the bright colored dishware and walls in Jack's place. really emphasizes how much of a child he is in every way

>>9875893
>$100
>You can do the exact same shit without the machine for around $10
What a scam.

>>9876544
actually, this video was made in whatever dumbfuck country you're from

>>9874789
anon asked if it was a chili fountain, not a chili with beans fountain...

>>9874789
>chili
>beans

>>9875037
i don't know why but this video format has always irked me. like even before it became a meme, it annoyed me.

>>9875772
fucking hell

>>9869471
I thought it was chilli

>>9876094
my god, what a punchable fucking face

>>9875372
Bet this is really good.

>>9876309
that would be pumpkin spice

>>9875218
He's also going on Shark Tank and crying on national television because he loves his barbecue sauce so much and they won't fund him, so I'm happy to keep posting and jerking.

>>9875710
>yes let us now cook the meat normally after we boiled the colour out of it
asians really are nothing but animals

>>9876378
>>9876419
>ores
Highly overrated burger shit, can't compare to our equivelent Singoalla or Ballerina.

>>9875679
these shitty videos always just say shit like 'bake"
that's proof that no one actually makes any of this garbage because anyone dumb enough to watch these seriously would be petrified by lack of temp and time there

>>9876928
Oh wow! No one cares you insufferable must be right shit smelling head-up-ass faggot

>>9876969
What?

>>9876770
>>9876969
SHART

>>9877017
IN

>>9875785
I think you misunderstood anon, he was referring to animals we eat
But given your circumstances, it's an honest mistake

>>9877033
MART

>>9875570
>deglaze with white wine
So, not the American army.

>>9875354
>operates a cooking channel
>doesn't own a fucking sieve
jack you piece of shit

>>9876499
>how about you just not lose the cap next time dipshit

>>9877073

>>9877151
Depends a lot on where you're stationed and what branch. Cooks are often give a lot of freeplay in what they serve up every day, so if the budget allows it's not impossible for them to get a few bottles of white wine to deglaze with.
Guaranteed impossible if they're on a carrier though.

>>9877170
I was in the US Army for a decade and never once saw a cook do anything other than open a can or bag and dump the contents under a heat lamp.

>>9877183
>Army
That's why.

>>9877183
It's a tragic state of affairs when you look forward to going out into the field for days on end because the MREs are better than what you get in the mess.

>>9875048
No shit, he was mocking idiots who try to use it as an insult.

>>9871321
>Discards over half the onion as the bad end

>>9876378
Why don't they just use a fucking blender or something?

>>9875893
the only good use from it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VTXgZQk8o8

>>9875308
>makes a pretty design
>literally smashes it to pieces at the end
You just don't get it, that's the point. It's not just a dessert, it's a statement, it's art.

Smashing it at the end is a criticism to capitalism and fine dining in general, basically a fuck you for paying for it. You're supposed to lick it from the table without using the silverware or even your hands.

Also, if you order a main dish the chef slaps you repeatedly in the face and makes you suck his dick.

>>9875045
I've had orange juice over corn flakes. Not bad but not great.
I've had beer over corn flakes. Actually not that bad.
Strong coffee over vanilla ice cream. Fucking god-tier.

>>9875163
This guy either just got out of prison or is about to go to prison.

>>9877574
>coffee with vanilla ice cream tastes good
No fucking way.

>>9876921
>He's also going on Shark Tank and crying on national television
i NEED the sauce on this

>>9873045
you know what? this is not a bad post.
good job, anon.

>>9873574
>calling nips chinks
amerilard education, everyone

>>9877628
>Calling tojos nips
The City of UK

>>9877584

>>9877656
>calling vagina eyes tojos
the nation-state of jew ess ay

>>9877610
it wasn't shark tank, it was the redneck version called west texas investors club
https://youtu.be/v_CnVFFMpYc#t=2m42s
forgive the shitty video, it's the only source I could find

>>9877628
>giving enough of a fuck about yellow people to know the difference

>>9875681
>udon
>chinese

>>9877594
way, dude

>>9870582
This is chink shit. They have no souls.
Do you not see the Chinese writing in the filename

>>9877701
>not being erudite in your racial slurs
fucking niggers i swear to god

>>9877675
thank you so much

>>9876770
You see, this is why Americans are so easy to make fun of. Because you guys are so sensitive to everything that slightly insults you.

>>9869633
I didn't come here for these feels.

>>9878399
Maybe stop posting anime and you could make something of your life.

>>9878401
anime website

>>9878403
Cooking board, fuck off.

>>9878410
anime website

>>9878334
they just can't handle the bants

>>9878410
anime cooking board

>>9877584
A better theory is that he is an attention seeking faggot, and him and his attention seeking faggot friends are seeking attention by making a video. For faggots.

>>9875307
Fuck I love that movie.

>>9875163
god damn I wish I could enjoy a meal like this guy