/ck/ - Food & Cooking

My friends thats been in says spread is good. Its smashed chips into a cup o noodle with mayo or something like that.

>>9575840
is your name tobias beecher?

>>9575840
Just learn how to make curries and everything else what you can do in single pot. Spices are great and learn how to combine tuna with everything. Just google around man.

Depending of the place you go you might have a communal place where people cook so you better team up together and make a big pot of curry etc instead of everyone cooking individually because there is not enough time for that.

So if you don't like spices now, learn to like them. They are needed to change the flavor of simple foods to something else. It's not that bad in prison I guess and there should be plenty of food related material online.

>>9575840
>drugs
>4 years
wasnt weed was it? sounds like some heavy shit. i bet it was like 20 years pled out to 5.

>>9575840
Damn, you better have been caught making meth to be getting 5 years.

lamb ossobuco
a daube of duck, brandy, shallots, and haricots verts
saffron and herbes de provence roasted fingerling potatoes
30 day dry aged prime rib with polenta and edible flowers
lobster bisque

all my favorite prison foods when i was locked up

>>9575868
Make sure someone sends you little money every month and quitsmoking ASAP if you do it now. Saves your nerves and also you can peddle with cigarettes.

>>9575877
I don't smoke. how much money do I need per month?

>>9575876
Beef Wellington and coq au vin as well anon, served with black coffee

>he thinks cooking his own food in prison is allowed
Hope you like dick cuz you're prolly gonna have the opportunity to eat a lot of it.

>>9575840
Is that going to be 2/3 of five years or have you already subtracted that third?

You belong in prison for being a racist >:)

What'r you going in for?
Also look up ramen gnocchi

Make mofungo homie. Shit's lit.

>>9575908
Prisoners in most places can have things like a hotplate.

>>9575902
I don't know, if you have a good friend you would probably do well if you just promise him to get you 20-50$. I mean if you have a good friend he can help you every month like that because for working person that's nothing.
Most people are not that lucky to have a family or anything...
Just google around, you'll be fine if you put effort to it. It's just a facility just like hospital or kindergarten but with that exception the violence can break out but usually most of the guys just want to do their time and avoid trouble anyway so you need to fit into that category too.
It helps to watch some documentaries on youtube. Never accept any gifts, never do any favors. They give you bar of soap or might leave you some items on your bed and if you accept them you owe them permanently and use that to abuse you. Say firm "no" to every offer you get. People who are overly friendly or want to be your "friend" instantly are usually hiding something. If you have any life experience you know these types even from outside so be careful.
https://forums.t-nation.com/t/prison/28511
https://www.t-nation.com/training/training-behind-bars-1
t-nation is a good website anyway.

>>9575840
I was in prison for 7 years, State prison. From 22 to 29, I'm 34 now


If you want Ask me whatever you like about it

An no I'm not a nigger either

>>9575840
>no, I'm not a nigger
that will change once you're inside

>>9576034
Also forgot that if you do opioids on permanent basis try to get clean before going in. It's not fun to have diarrhea and seizures in jail and you don't want to get rehooked again.

>>9576045
Why did you decide to be a nigger?

>on his way to a five year prison sentence
>still believes himself to be better than other races

You're gonna get very familiar with sausage and vanilla pudding

alright i got time...

it aint that bad bruh. depends on where you at and if you get money on the books. if you got family that has a little money it helps a lot when you down. I had money stashed after I got hit up and i trusted my girls mom to call it in, she took some "for the baby" but she did me good for 8 years. you get out on OR? pay a bond? how come you aint in co right now?
bruh if you out now you should just start flipping some real fast, you going to prison anyway fuck it, come up on some money and give it to somebody you trust like senpai to put it on the books every other month it aint like you can do it yourself and that 150 go fast bruh. everything cost inside.
the food is easy, either you got money or you dont. prison food is weak, sometimes you get something special like when they get donated shit for holidays or a some factories freezer go out but they always fuck it up and make it taste like some retirement home charly brown kinda food, bland as fuck. the food you can make in the cell is tolerable at best but you can make it spicy at least. I pieced money up every month with my celly cuz we was the same set and we was cool. no homo. some fools get robbed so be careful. you can get wrapped up quick inside even when you didnt do nothing so dont go telling fools you got money. if you poor then fuck it you dont have a choice anyway just make the best of it, you can always trade up food just make sure you know what they are saying when you trade up.

(pic) tapatio packs bruh, my life saver locked up. put that shit on everything.

>>9576083
I'm white. Also not poor like niggers


Just made a mistake, We all make them

>>9576116
Yes, you dumb nigger, we covered that. The question was what did you do?

>>9576116
>we all make mistakes
true. i've made lots of them but never been as much as threatened with prison.
t.actually white

>>9576129
I was convicted of carrying a concealed firearm (mandatory 5 years), Possession of anabolic steroids, and possession of marijuana with intent to distribute.


Long story short I was going to buy a car so I brought my handgun (I had 13k in cash to buy this car and something felt off about the guy). I got pulled over on the way to buy the car for going slightly over the speed limit though town and when they pulled me over I flat out told them I have a gun in a holster on my right side and they took me out of the car and took it from me. They asked if I had anything else and I said yeah I take HGH but I didn't have a prescription for it anymore, They found my cash and didn't believe I was going to buy a car (despite telling them to call the guy in my most recent calls). They thought I was selling steroids (I really wasn't, I have lot T). Then got a search warrant and raided my house and found marijuana in 3 plastic bags.....It was all different strains so I kept it in different bags, Collectively it was 20 grams...Less then an oz. But they charged me and later convicted me of possession with intent to distribute marijuana.
I smoked weed and I have low T, I'm a terrible person

>>9576116
I mean, everybody spends nights in the drunk tank. I've been there about 10 times. I'm sure you all have. It's not a big deal. It happens once in a while.

>>9576160
>having this little self awareness
Alcoholics spend nights in drunk tanks. Functioning people do not, and it's certainly not a normal thing to happen.

>>9576157
rofl. ever think about shutting the fuck up and getting a decent lawyer? you should have never made it to prison.

>>9576160
>everybody spends nights in the drunk tank
Pardon?

>>9576183
Well I'm not a nigger so I was under the impression you tell the police the truth and don't lie and that is the best policy.


That's how people are raised, Their family and the police telling them never to lie to the police and honesty is the best policy.


See how good it did me?

If I had never said anything about the handgun he probably would have never known...It was in an IWB holster and covered by my jacket, I might have gotten a ticket or even a warning.

>>9576157
That's how the typical 'justice' works. It's a business. Police have a quota and then the prosecutor needs to always have a case. You are just a number to them. It's so fucked up. Then there are guys with millions worth of money running free doing real crimes.

>>9576157
>saying you upfront have a gun
>declaring non-prescription possession
>not lawyering up

Man, I mean tough break, but you could've prevented this. And now you can't own a gun anymore, legally. May I suggest a LeMat revolver?

>>9576191
I was under the impression you tell the police the truth and don't lie and that is the best policy

lmaoing @ ur ass

>>9576110
Get Tha 50 pack of bars dawg

>>9576191
>anon finds out the hard way that police officers and the justice system is fucked up
I don't hate all cops, but the niggers have the right idea with the "fuck da polees" shit.
If you get pulled over don't say shit about your gun or illegal prescription unless they ask very specifically about that stuff. I highly doubt their opening question was "ya got any weapons or illegal drugs in there?" So I don't know why you started blabbing about it so readily.
I've been pulled over 4 times and they never brought up anything like that, just wrote my ticket and fucked off.

>>9576198
I see that now, It's sad it took me 7 years.


That's what you get for thinking the police care about you....If you ever get stopped by the police....Lie...Lie...Lie....An oh yea. Lie.

I should have.

>>9576203
>>9576207

I know, But I was taught my whole life not to lie...Especially to the police.

I can't really blame anyone but myself for being so naive

>>9576191
Why did you need to have the drugs with you when you were going to buy a car? How did you not know that it's a major felony to have a gun on you if you get caught with drugs?

Fucking dumb, man.

>>9576157
Fucking idiot.

>>9576191
you basically gave them your ass on a silver platter. i'm a good ol'boy and the rule is: Don't make it easy on the cops. You gotta make them work for the conviction. stfu, lawyer up and never admit any wrongdoing. i hope other people on this board learn from your mistake.

>>9576218
Never admit anything to police. Don't even talk without your lawyer.
However I think he could appeal still? 5 years is too much for not doing actually anything. Do they have a proof he was selling it? No. Appeal and get it to higher court. In other countries you will get 5 years minimum for killing someone or from robbery... 5 years for nothing is just fucked up.

>>9576191
You are only obligated to tell police your name and DOB

NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TELL THEM MORE THAN THAT, THEY ARE ONLY TRYING TO FUCK YOU.


everyone in the thread should watch this video.

Search youtube for never talk to the police it's a 40 min lecture from this law proffesor.

>>9576218
>I highly doubt their opening question was "ya got any weapons or illegal drugs in there?"


Actually yes they asked me that specifically.

He said "eh..you don't have any guns in the car do you?". An I said yes.

>>9576223
I didn't know about mandatory minimum sentencing, Even for first time offenders. I knew I was committing a crime carrying my handgun with a CCW and just took the risk because it was literally only 5 miles away and I was worried about the guy I was buying the car from...He didn't seem together.. I also didn't think I would get into any trouble for my HGH because I had a prescription for it only months earlier (but failed to renew it). I kept it in my car because I was working 14 hours a day at the time and didn't have time to go home 4x a day to take my medicine

>>9576219
But anyway, it's not the end of the world. 5 years of your life is nothing, even if you go to prison.
You could spend 5 years doing shit job, eating bad food and having sick abusive relationship with sociopath bitch etc. And that's probably worse than being in prison...

You can always try to make best out of the prison, lift weights, read a lot and try to do studying. Of course it sucks for sure especially now for you. Think of it like going to monastery for a while.

>>9575840
Get a lawyer you fucking retard? And where do you live Fucking Georgia? West Virginia? My heroin dealer just got caught with over an ounce of tar and he's out free keeping is bondsman paid with dirty money and they didn't fucking raid his house lmao and that's not fucking steroids. It's HEROIN

>>9575908
Depends on the prision. My mom was locked up for a while and she was allowed quite a few luxuries.

>n*gger
Enjoy jail and ban, sweetie.

>>9576191
And people say libertarians are nuts

>>9576239
dude. i'm literally dying of laughter. why would you ever say 'yes officer i have a weapon in the car'? while you are in possession of drugs. here is another rule for you: Only break one law at a time.

>>9576157
>>9576191
bruh...

>>9576252
I learned one thing.


The police are not your friends, They do not care about you, Your family, Or the community.

I have a very different outlook on life, the police, and the "justice" system then I did 7 years ago.


If I give niggers anything, It's that they are right about the police.

>>9576157
Now it all makes sense. Niggers don't have checking accounts. How'd you end up with 13k in cash? Did you take it out of the bank? Only niggers carry that much cash.

>>9576267
>niggers being right about anything
don't go full nigger just because you got caught doing stupid shit. just realise the cops have a job to do. staying out of prison is your job. it requires more intelligence and diligence than nigger tier.

>>9576191
White guy, I went to a private middle school with mostly white/hispanic kids and the (white) social studies teacher taught us that if a cop detained us for anything we were supposed to go full broken record mode and ask to call our parents/our lawyer whenever they wanted to ask us questions.
Do not tell the cops SHIT unless you have legal council.

>>9576280
I withdrew it from the fucking bank.


Literally just an hour earlier, I told them to call the bank as well but they did not do that.


I did get the money back because my lawyer could prove I earned it lawfully and I had just withdrawn it from my checking account.

>>9576286
So the fellow nigger you bought the car from wouldn't accept a check? Fun fact: withdrawing more than 10k in cash results in a red flag called a Currency Transaction Report. But you'd know that if you weren't a nigger.

So your lawyer got your cash back but couldn't keep you out of jail? kek

>>9576157
you realize a concealed carry permit is like $300 right...?

>>9576292
the lawyer realised he was defending a dumbfuck and decided that he was going to at least get paid.

>>9576157
How'd you plan on driving the car home after buying it?

>>9576292
You have to explain why you are depositing or withdrawing more then 10k USD, I know how the law works.

It's not a red flag unless you don't have a recorded income, I had direct deposit and it WAS my income.

Have you ever heard the term "cash discount". The car was 15k, I wanted it for cash cheaper.


I could have gotten 14 years so 7 I lived with.


>>9576303
I didn't live in a shall issue state, You had to have a REASON to have a CCW. They didn't just issue them to anyone

>>9576306
kek

>>9576045
what for b?

>>9576310
I was going to leave it there then drive it back at night without tags kek, I know bad plan. But it never got to that obviously...

>>9575858
Em City Baby

>>9576311
dude, you got raked through the coals, but seriously, you should've used some brainpower before and after the point of interaction

>>9576311
>I didn't live in a shall issue state
well shit dude, you probably shouldn't have risked it, your lawyer really couldn't get anything less than 5 years? do you have prior shit or what, seems like a long time

>>9576318
Hold on, you brought a gun and cash but not a second person to drive the other car back or cover your ass? What's your deal?

>>9576318
good lord man. you should get checked for mental retardation. you have a grace period (generally 28-30 days) after you receive the title to the car to drive it in order to get it to the dmv to pay your taxes and get your tags.

>>9576352
>in before owner didn't have the title

My friend who went to prison had this wonderful system for prepping garlic.
He used a razor, and he would slice it so thin that it would liquefy in the pan with just a little oil

>>9576311
>I know how the law works.
Clearly you don't or you wouldn't be headed to prison

>>9576311
>"cash discount"
I'm an adult. I pay for things with my credit card and get airline miles. The only time in my life I've ever had more than $500 cash on me was getting $1 bills for a bachelor party.

Did he offer the cash discount or did you ask for it? I'd call you a jew for asking for a discount, but a jew would be able to keep his ass out of prison

>>9576360
before anyone comments, I did try that. it's not worth the effort for barely-noticeable results (for a sautee maybe it would work). but in prison, you've got nothing but time...

I wasn't allowed salt or pepper, not even on the saltines when I got soup. Ramen noodle packets was my substitute.

>>9576365
Go home and get your fucking shine box.

>>9576379
you jew-loving motherfucker, you

>oops, wrong movie

>>9575840
Just ask your cellmate to bend over because your going to be eating alot of ass.

Binge watch after prison show on YouTube. The dude's awesome and provides insight on a lot of things. Are you bulked by the way?

>>9575840
The one Ihave heard was called a choco pop or some shit.

You get 2 digestive biscuits and a mars bar.

Put the mars bar in the kettle to melt it and then use the melted mars as a filling between 2 biscuits

>>9576578
>Go in with AIDS so nobody wants to rape you

>>9575840
Absolutely hilarious. Funnily enough my cousin was charged with murder and took a plea deal for 5 years. Get wrecked you absolute cuck.

prison food isnt bad
its just repetitive and niggers get uppity because its not all fried chicken and collard greens
as long as you have money in your commissary account you can buy chocolate, chips, cookies and ramen
also don't let people intimidate you into buying shit for them

>>9576578
>do it right, use Bacardi
>Bacardi
>pictures Barcadi Mojito

what?

>>9576057
>opioid withdrawal
>diarrhea
if only

>>9576633
What the fuck is a Mars bar?

oh wow I'm going to prison too! My only problem is the drab prison clothes they make you wear. Can you guys post some fashion ideas for stuff I can sew? Keep in mind, I'm fat.

>>9576877
Inmates love to bang fat guys. Chances are you're weak and your flabby gut kinda feels like a titty

>>9576191

Anon, while I'm not going to say that you should lie to the police, you most certainly shouldn't tell them anything more than legally required. Do not tell them anything without a lawyer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-7o9xYp7eE

Fuck's sake. Enjoy prison, idiot.

>>9576987
Its too late for your advice dumbfuck. How stupid are you?

>>9577003

I'm well aware of that. I felt like giving him an understanding of WHY he fucked up in telling the police.

>>9576310
>How'd you plan on driving the car home after buying it?

>>9576191
You're so retarded it's amazing.

>>9576191
To everyone calling this guy out... what is he supposed to do when the cop asks if he has a weapon?
You're just gonna lie to the cop? What if the cop said "Can you step out of the vehicle, I'm going to frisk you"? You'd go to jail for TEN years.

>>9576157
>>9576191

>>9577041
How about not speeding with steroids and $13k in cash in your possession while carrying a concealed firearm?

>>9577041
How about not carrying a weapon and drugs in the car at the same time?

>>9577027
I'd imagine he would get a ride over there at a later time and drive it home. Or maybe the seller would drive it and the buyer would then drive him back. You couldn't figure that out on your own?

>>9576057
Although you can get that stuff in there.
>>9576873
You still hooked friend? I just recently got clean.

How about obeying the law? I don't know if OP realizes this but committing crimes makes the police mad.

>>9577061
Yeah I can imagine this winner handing over $13k in cash and saying, "can you just follow me home or can we meet sometime tomorrow"?

>>9576402
A lot of holes in the desert, and a lot of problems are buried in those holes. But you gotta do it right. I mean, you gotta have the hole already dug before you show up with a package in the trunk. Otherwise, you're talking about a half-hour to forty-five minutes worth of digging. And who knows who's gonna come along in that time? Pretty soon, you gotta dig a few more holes. You could be there all fuckin' night.

>>9577067
It's a bit too late for that if they've already been sentenced.

>>9576191
anon im really sorry that fucking sucks and you don't deserve that shit, fuck your country and its legal system.

>>9576157
"anything you say will be used against you in a court of law"

>>9576233
where does this cat teach he seems very knowledgeable and cute

>>9577275
I'm just saying. maybe if he obeyed the law he would not be going to prison!

>>9577300
it's more fuck his lawyer, even though he fucked up by being honest it was his lawyer that screwed him. It is fucking retarded but his lawyer fucked him. Shit lawyers are terrible it's how my parents lost their home.

>>9576157
You're retarded. If you had simply kept your mouth shut after getting stopped you would have received a warning or a $20 fine and then let go.

>>9577054
That is a good life tip, I'll try and remember hat

>>9575840
you'll learn how to toss a salad pretty quickly once you're on the inside :^)

>>9576191
>I was under the impression you tell the police the truth and don't lie and that is the best policy.
putting people in jail is literally their whole job dipshit

>>9576157
What really throws me off about this story is how they found the weed, usually search warrants need to be extremely specific about where the fuck they will find shit, and what it is that they are looking for. And how the fuck did they get a warrant for your house if you were only speeding down the road, I think they reached a little too hard there senpai

I mean it's too late now, but that's my hot take on your situation

>>9575840
It's called a peanut butter and asshole sandwich.
Have fun, faggot.

You got to use a razor on the garlic to cut it so thin it will liquefy in the pan.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63zCFSm-fuQ

>>9576157
My brother only went to prison for 9 months for having an unlicensed firearm. The gun was legal, he bought it 100% legit, he just forgot to register it or whatever shit you're supposed to.

But he's a heroin addict so at least it forced him to be clean for 9 months

>>9576174
>>9576189
Yall dummies don’t even watch trailer park boys. RIP LAHEY

>>9575840
Dude opiods Lmao alcohol is more harmful

>>9576191
Dude. Is this bait? Honesty is the best policy when you haven't done anything illegal such as speeding while concealed carrying without a permit, having pot and prescription drugs without a prescription, but only to the extent that you know you haven't done anything wrong, can absolutely prove it in court and you called the cops yourself because you're in mortal danger or are getting robbed. So basically, honesty is the best policy for people on the straight and narrow, which you are not. Also, cops can and will attempt to ferret out admissions of illegal activities. This is actually their job, believe it or not. I'm kinda not believing this. If it's real, you're basically going to prison for admitting to a cop doing this many stupid/illegal things all at the same time.

>>9577740
>having a stove and pans in prison somehow

>>9577054
fuck you this is america i can do what the fuck i want
fucking liberals ruining this shit for everyone

>>9576578
Don't do this it makes mustard gas

>>9576219
Jesus. I think you might be real. No, dingus, you don't outright lie to cops. You do not admit to crimes when you have done illegal things. It is always better for both criminals and honest people to say nothing at all and let their lawyers who know how all of this shit works figure it out.

>>9576233
If you're stopped while driving, I think you only have to present your driver's license and proof of insurance. You are not legally obligated to say a single word.

>>9577832
So a cop asks if you are armed in your vehicle and you think he's just going to let you ignore the question?

>>9576157
>Committing more then one crime at a time
One of the simplest rules for doing illegal shit is do the least amount of illegal things at the same time.

You had what I assume is an unregistered gun, HGH without a prescription, weed, and a shit ton of cash money. Then you choose to speed? While I think this story is fake, you are retarded either way.

>>9577835
>Proof of insurance
What? No one asks for insurance anymore they just run your plate to see if you have insurance unless that's a Kentucky only thing.

>>9576352
I think that depends on the state. Some states you're technically supposed to get a temporary registration for the sole purpose of driving a new car bought from a private seller home. This is one of those things nobody actually does, and nobody ever gets a ticket for (or at worst a fix it ticket) because they don't take guns and illegal drugs with them when they do it. Lol. Holy shit.

>>9576157
>Sir do you know why I stopped you?
>Yes, I was speeding. Also I have a handgun, 13K in cash and steroids. Just thought I'd clear the air.

>>9577856
Oh, sorry. Registration. They always ask me for my license and vehicle's registration card, then go sit in their car for 5-10 minutes to fart around and look it up hoping to find something illegal.

>>9577847
Lol. I have never been in that situation, dude. I would never have a concealed weapon without the correct permit and registration on my at the same time. I suppose if I was though, I'd just not say a damn word and get a good lawyer.

>>9577888
Which is tantamount to the insurance, since the registration process includes proof of insurance and whatever fees and taxes were paid. Eh. It's convenient to have it with you anyway for when a retard hits you and you file a claim right when the cops are there anyway. Why is life so tiresome?

>>9576239
why buy a car from someone who you consider to be a sketchy as fuck person?

man sometimes I'm happy to not be a us fag

>>9575840
I was a prison guard for a year. Those criminals came up with some tasty looking recipes. I always wanted to get in on some of the communal dishes they made.

>>9577991
Man, what a shitty job. Why'd you do it? Did you ever go home and try making any of those ghetto prison recipes?

>>9577870
lel

what the fuck is going on in this thread

>>9576239

This is larping. GH injections are only needed once per day, twice at most. Also GH needs to be kept in the fridge so I'm just assuming you're full of shit

>>9577069
>"can you just follow me home or can we meet sometime tomorrow"?
Then how would the seller get home? I suppose he does have bus fare.

https://youtu.be/UkOX3FGMrtc

>>9575840
Get a solid commissary funding. You can get really creative if you've got a decent amount of money, 10-15 a month is more than solid. Bulk up on spices, be polite yo the guards and suck dick if you're looking for more. Spent 4 on an aggregated assault. If you're a bitch, be a bitch, but the old operative of knocking out someone in the first day/week is true. Personally I just sucker punched this black dude that was being a wise ass.

>>9576578
help I did this and now my skin around my wrists is all red and flaky

how can you cook in prison?
is there a stove in your room or what?

>>9578455
>Use a tin can as a pot
>Heat it up over the radiator

>>9578133
I need a job to hold me over for a little bit. I was there only like 10 months actually. And I never tried making them. I guess they looked good in a prison setting. But not worth trying to replicate if I could just grab a juicy burger.

>>9576157
thats why id never want to live in the us, i dont want retards with concealed firearms, high on pot and steroids around me all day.
you deserve to go to prison, though 5 years seems excessive even for US levels of law-craziness

>>9575908
Not every prison is a supermax like TV suggests

>>9576157
Ahahahahaha holy lmao.

You're worse than a nigger- you're an idiot!

>>9576320
sup prag

>>9575908
Americans have their concept of prisons warped by reality TV. Modern non-super high security prisons let prisons read books, watch TV, engage in sports and craft hobbies and even cook their own meals in cell or in cafeterias as paid work hours.