/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>9541054
eat pure fibers

>>9541054
Please explain how pooping gives you joy.

>>9541064
not trying to be crude for the sake of being crude but it feels incredible when it's so big and presses against the linings of your asshole. It gives a lovely fluttery feeling in my chest. It's like drugs but not intoxicating.

>>9541054
I went camping for a weekend and didn't eat much else besides bananas and biltong. When I came back I curled out a thick, solid, foot long cable. It was oddly enjoyable.

>>9541084
Have you considered anal sex

>>9541054
>t. Jun'ichirō Tanizaki

>>9541064
How old are you?

>>9541095
I'm not gay. I used to stick my finger up my ass when I was 8 or9 though to feel what was inside, one time there was blood and coincidentally(?) ever since there's been blood when I poop 1 everry 4 or 5 times I poop. Rate.

>>9541095
I think the object is to shit out BBC shaped turds. All the pleasure, none of the pain.

>>9541104
Are you eating fingernails or something?

>>9541084
Might want to get your blood pressure checked and stop forcing turds out. Wouldn't want to have a heart attack on the shitter.

>>9541104
I'm no doctor but blood in the stool is an indication of something seriously wrong

go to the doctor you retard

Pure shitposting folks.

>>9541054
Eat a big bag of pumpkin seeds with the shells on. Chase that down with spicy peppers. Feels great coming out, trust me.

>>9541128
nah I'm serious

>>9541104
it's not gay to use a dildo

eating lots of celery will make you poop without increasing your calories also all those cereals like all bran and whatnot

>>9541084
you could just buy yourself a large dildo and fuck yourself in the ass with it all the time and not worry about putting on weight because you want to increase the amount of poop you produce.

>>9541130

>>9541136
Also, it's not gay to get pegged by a girl with a strap-on.

>>9541054
Vhat ve hav here is a guy? stuck in the oral and anal psychosexual stages, you derive pleasure from intake and holding onto the food and find release pleasurable. Is it a fetish or an eating disorder, remains to be seen.

I used to love pooping too but been sick with ibd and i poop 10+ painfull poops everyday, hemoroids, fistulas, skin tags, abcesses. Doc been telling me to get a stoma but i want to poop a nice big log again, so i try different stuff, next month im going to taymont clinic in englang for a poop transplant. Try drink smoothies with psyllium husk, banana and water for bigger poops

Chicken and broccoli stir fry. There's not muck. Just pure log. And tissue is damn near clean when you wipe.

>>9541270
Hope that goes well for you anon, make sure your transplant isn't from a fat person though. That tends to result in weight gain for the recipient.

>>9541270
Get the stoma.

>>9541270
>a poop transplant
what the hell

>>9541284
Thanks. Hope i get some prime stuff
>>9541295
I think about it every day. This transplant will be the last thing i try

Bump, relevant to my interests

>>9541312
A human body is host to billions or even trillions of individual bacteria and other microscopic organisms. They're on your skin, in your blood, in your organs, literally saturated throughout your body. Some are bad and cause sickness, some are neutral and simply reside inside you without casing any harm, and some are actually nessasary for your survival. Some of the most common symbiotic bacteria are the kinda found in your stomach and intestines. Without them, you wouldn't be able to digest things anywhere near as efficiently. We get our gut bacteria from our mothers during birth and breastfeeding, but sometimes this can get messed up. Whether that's through an abnormal birth or a later factor killing off bacteria in your gut, it can really mess up your digestion. The best way we've found to fix this is by taking some poop from a healthy person's gut and inserting it in the unhealthy person's gut. This repopulates them with hundreds of different species of beneficial bacteria. Simple, crude, but effective.

>>9541327
in case anyone is wondering, he is not trolling. i did some research on the matter and it is 100% true.

>>9541327
You kids really take your fetishes way too far these days. What's wrong with just giving your wife a schoolgirl outfit and a paddle and having a good time with that

>>9541327
It can't be a troll when it's this long

>>9541084
I know everyone is giving you shit for this, but yes, I know how you feel.

>one evening at work
>take a huge shit after eating tons of nuts the day before
>it looks like a boomerang, just drops into the bowl and won't flush down
>call the maintenance guy to use the rubber bell or give me a bucket or something
>he looks at it and explodes into laughter, runs to the warehouse and tells everyone to go look
>there's a fucking line before the toilet, everyone is dying from laughter and the smell
>my brown banana is legendary
>I'm known as The Phantom
>I have been clogging up toilets all over the factory ever since

>>9541084
you gay

>>9541327
>>9541334
>>9541335
>>9541336
Read Grant Morrison's "The Filth." It made me realize how fantastically gross life is. Bacteria is the one true god of existence. Promoting healthy bacteria - especially in the stomach as there is a nerve cluster there similar to the brain - is a good thing. I myself since learning of this have spent an ungodly amount of money in boozing the fuckers up.

Picture says a thousand words.

>>9541054
can't believe this is the first thread i can actually relate to on this board
feels weird

>>9541084
I know what you mean, Anon

>>9541327
what the fuck

>>9541054
You need a hobby

>>9541084
I LOVE THIS FEELING

>>9541084
Right there with ya bro. I'm poo-posting right now. This is probably my 5th runny shit today because I was out drinking last night and had pizza. Have the day off, so I have my little TV dinner stand in my bathroom and just bring my laptop in and watch sports and Netflix.

Good stuff.

>>9541270
Try taking paprika pills it helps with healing.

>>9541327
Are you telling me to feed my healthy shit to my spouse who has colitis?

>>9541054
If you enjoy pooping, you should try the next level up, enemas. If you have one of those handheld showerheads on a flexible hose, take the showerhead off and stick the hose up your ass. Feels neat as the water fills you up, then you can squirt it out and clean your ass out.

Do it at low pressure, don't overdo it, and don't use hot water.

>>9541104
Stick a vibrator up it. Best while fapping. There are some great vibrating buttplugs on the market now too.

>>9541251
Sigmoid Freud here.

>>9541104
Seriously though, having blood in your feces can be a sign of something serious. You could have bowel cancer Anon. Get it checked out.

>>9541130
One time I ate a bag of sunflower seeds with the shell on in one sitting
It was the worst pain of my life shitting them out

>>9541054
Psyllium fiber. It will give you enormous shits. It works to make your stools soft, enormous, and wet. Its a bulk-forming laxative and works amazing. You will shit large and a LOT. Just keep hydrated while taking it

I was in the hospital for a longass time thanks to tonsillectomy complications and was on oxy which wrecked havoc on my ability to poop. So the doctors put me on Psyllium fiber (which you can find at your local GNC/health or healthfood places) and it had me moving after dealing with an initial impaction.

>>9541966
no
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0m67tvx_C4

I feel you OP, I once had the best shit of my life when I was a young lad. Never could replicate that shit.

>>9541084
What happened to you that this is the highlight of your life?

What do those girls in scat videos eat to take those huge 3ft long shits that are twice as big around as my dick? Its like a full solid log that could choke a horse.

I want to take shits like that.

Eat soup for some days in a row and post results.

>>9543532
>>9541123
>>9541104
Bright red blood in your stools is likely a sign of hemorrhoids as the blood is getting on the poo at the very end of the digestive track. Not a good thing but not terrible.

Dark red to black blood in your stools is very bad. It is a sign the bleeding is occurring further up and the blood has been partially digested.

>>9545809
This anon speaks the truth.

>>9545809
Long term untreated hemorrhoids can lead to rectal cancer.

>>9545809
>Bright red blood in your stools is likely a sign of hemorrhoids
Or fissures that tear open and heal and then return.

>>9545872
lol ass cancer

I used to be perpetually constipated. Now I eat prunes and drink bran water. Put 2 tablespoons of bran in a cup. Swirl in water and drink it off. Repeat until all the bran is gone.

Post photos of your hemorrhoids please.

>>9541084
comon this gotta be bait

Personally I like that empty, lightened, relieved feeling best that comes after having dropped a massive turd.

>>9545809
What about beetroot?

Is this you, OP?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHEf0Qwr6nU

>>9541054
Develop a dairy allergy. Drink tons of milk.

Massive runny shits every few hours. I had to install a bookshelf in the bathroom.

>>9547150
First time I see an asshole on jewtube.

Eat more cheese and prunes.

That outta be fun

>>9541054
>muh depressing life
Please go back to /r9k/ and stay there

>>9541054
>pooping brings joy
Lowkey likes getting his asshole getting stretch, faggot get constipation

>>9541730
Hahahaha perfect visual imagery anon kino as fuck.

>>9547837
>kino
You guys are keeping me busy today.
Let's go.

>>9541327
>Pooping back and forth, forever

A high protein diet increases the speed of your metabolism. I love shitting, too, although I have other joys in my life. Since I consume 200-260g of protein daily, I get 3-4 solid shits a day.

>>9541084
>not intoxicating
Bullshit.

>>9547620
>has the time of his life
>depressing life

>>9541084
You are feeling the poo brushing your prostate. Consider the dildo.

>>9541133
That one went over your head didn't it

>>9547837
I do what I can dude. If this thread is still up tomorrow, I'll be the same way. Oven roasting some really discounted, beautiful pork sirloins. Rubbed with rosemary and garlic and some olive oil. Also drinking bourbon like a fish. I will be poo-posting tomorrow as well. Atlanta Falcons game on at 11 am MST, I will see you then!

I just want to say how much I appreciate all you other poopers. It's a glorious thing. There is nothing better than a true, memorable shit.

>>9541054
>so anon, i heard a lot about you. what kind of hobbies do you have
>oh well you know i enjoy food
>ok
>and shitting
>what?
>yup. eating and shitting, thats about it

>>9543532
yeah retard, having blood in your shit could be a sign that you are sticking shit in your ass

>>9543520
>Sigmoid
A contextual and relevant shit pun. You will not go unnoticed as you made me laugh hard. Thanks.

How lewd.

>>9543625
how much fiber / psyllium husk can I take in day without being unhealthy? thinking of trying out eating only chicken, brown rice and psyllium husk for a week checking what my shits are like

>>9547620
>his life isn't Hell
why are you here?

>>9550292
I usually say I like video games because I look like a nerd. Then some normie asks what video games I'm playing and I have no answer.

>>9544701
depression which led to anxiety or possibly the other way around. Around age 14 I started to dread everything, shut out friends, life spiralled downwards, resorted to drugs and alcohol, social skills stopped developing.

>>9541054
I don' t know what' s it called in english, but I think it' s bran? The outer shell of grains.

Just add a spoonful to your cereal (by itself it tastes like nothing) and your poop will be one long, soft piece. Don' t forget to drink an healthy amount of water.

>>9541054
only joy in my life is falling asleep, it's always so nice when i get to waste half of the day in emptiness.

>>9541054
i.e. OP may not like it in the butt, but definitely likes it out the butt.

>>9552813
OP should look into rectal prolapses.

>>9550292

>>9541383
>new mamasita latina cleaning lady starts
>leave her presents in the john
>mfw i am chris cringle
>feliz navidad maria

>>9553168
Kek

>>9552688
What if you want it girthy and firm?