/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>8938706
Good luck with that.

>>8938706
>Oil
You're poaching it.

Learn to cook it properly first, then try experimenting with your dishwasher.

For the love of god, don't load it up with dirty dishes and soap at the same time.

All wrapped up...

>>8938706
Don't forget to add the detergent for that fresh, clean taste!

monitoring this thread

>>8938706
>>8938720

>>8938706
make sure to add glass cleaner to get the salmon to come out clear

Ive decided to put it in the bottom rack

>>8938730
Can you stick an apple in there for atmospheric flavoring?

>>8938730
steam some clams while you're at it opie

>>8938738
>>8938742
and eggs
make a whole Patagonian feast

All ready to go...

>>8938730
Make cheesecake in your dryer next please, but use air dry for best effect

And their off!

>>8938756

I'm glad you didn't run it a few times first to clear out remaining detergents

Its gonna be a while, I'll try to keep yall updated

>>8938766
The foil is sealed tight, it *should* be fine

Ima roll for you drying off your salmon in the clothes dryer

>>8938767
Hell yeah, monitoring this shit so hard

On a side note, what are you guys having/have had for dinner tonight/last night?

STEVE

>>8938793
>>8938797

do me a favor and clean your fucking dishwasher, it looks disgusting

>>8938793
Holy shit dude, have you ever heard of wet paper towels?

>>8938793
Tuna """chili"""
>1 6oz can of dark tuna with oil
>2 eggs
>200ml of water
>chili mix
>503 calories

Fine, better now?

>>8938832
RINSE AND HOOOOOOOLLLLLLLD

>>8938832

not really. how hot does it get inside a dishwasher, anyways

>>8938850
boiling

monitoring this thread

Almost halfway there

>>8938896

are you gonna let the heated dry cycle run?

>>8938837
you're gay

good thread so far, how much longer OP?

>>8938896
What are you having with it, OP?

>>8938909
Might as well

Wonder how it will be. Will it be encrusted with dishwasher buildup?

>>8938944
a lemon

What the fuck is going on in here

>>8938756
Who's off?

>>8938966
*they're
Sorry

>>8938950
My money's on it being shredded and blown all over the insides.

sneak a peek, OP. is it all a-OK?

I've seen this done before and it came out good. Can't see why yours won't. Only issue might be totally over cooking it. I guess it'll take you a few tries to get it right.

Fingers crossed for you OP.

Alright, were in the drying phase

>>8938976
Shit I actually think it's gonna turn out overcooked but other than that pretty good.

>>8938706
it overcooks depending on the size of the fish, and the power of dishwasher. older ones will do it better i think
but i just microwave my salmon. turns out dry and shitty, but what am I going to do? fry it in butter? i'm eating salmon for health

I'm gonna skip the drying, its still in the package which is good

>>8939007
How often are you eating it?

>>8938995
THE
ABSOLUTE
MADMAN

>>8939007
You realize that a bit of butter now and then won't give you a fucking heart attack and it's gonna make your salmon not taste like garbage?

>>8938706
wtf is wrong with you

>>8939012
UNLEASH THE BEAST

>>8938793
Taco Salad

>>8939012

ITS GONNA BE SHIT BECAUSE YOU SKIPPED THE DRYING PHASE FUCK

Place your bets boys

>>8939033
Overcooked but edible. Maybe some residual detergent aroma.

>>8939031
This. Don't fucking flake out like a pussy.

>>8939033
Dubs gets You amazing salmon

>>8938793
>dirty appliances
clean your kitchen you faggot. I can t imagine what your toilet looks like

>>8939033
Shiet gon' be gud

IT'S RAW!!!

Bazinga!

>>8939038
Why are you imagining strangers toilets anon. You're weird.

>>8939044
what the fuck how is it raw?

>>8939044
jesus

>>8939044
KILL IT

>>8939042
Chef would you like some ice cream? It was frozen.

>>8939044

>>8939044
taste it

>>8939044
We need the money shot OP. Cut the bitch open.

>>8939061
this.Dubs and you cut it open and eat a piece

>>8939044
PLEASE just put it in the oven and out of its missery!

>>8939044
4/10 would eat

>>8939044

I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE THE DRYING PHASE ON

>>8939044
Eat it like the pig you are.

>>8939044
I just threw up in my mouth.

Here we go boys

>>8939044
cut into it

>>8939044
You could sell that to anybody in new york for $44 if you fancy up the preparation name.

>>8939069
Looks pretty good bro. How's it taste?

>>8939069
not gonna lie. doesnt look too bad now
6/10 would try

>>8939069
CEASE
AND
DESIST

>>8939069
I would eat this only semi-ironically

>>8939069
Looks fucking delicious

>>8938793
I made stroganov out of sausage, it was pretty nice, hadn't had any in a while.

>>8939044

>>8939074
Like salmon

>>8939073
Poor man's sous vide.

>>8939085
Wow wasn't expecting that..... but does it taste good knobhead?

>>8939085
Nice plate, did your grandmother die?

>>8939085
Does it have a detergent taste?

>>8939090
Kek

>>8939085
Get that shit out of my face already.

>>8939069
You're eating off the plate you washed with the salmon. Amazing.Very special anon indeed

>>8939007
Use fucking margerine if it bothers you.

>>8939015
It's a known method, just very unorthodox.

>>8939093
No, because i didnt put in any detergent

>>8939097
Thats some grade a detective work buddy

>>8939099
My dishwasher smells like citrus detergent all the time, even if I just rinse shit and don't put any.

I enjoyed this thread OP. Like a little adventure.

>>8939105
>scented detergent
For what purpose

>>8938966
I think you mean 'whose'.

>>8939116

>scented clotheswasher detergent
>FOR WHAT PURPOSE

should have made something with it. A single piece of salmon is just kind of sad alone

All done. Thanks for joining me tonight.

>>8939127
Dishwasher, not clotheswasher, you dummy

>>8939130

did you actually use a knife to cut fucking salmon

>>8939138
anon just cooked salmon in his dishwasher and you're going to judge him for eating it with a knife

>>8939138
Naw its just for the picture

>>8939138
>did you actually use a knife to cut fucking salmon
truly, the question on everyone's mind in this thread

>>8939073
Saumon dans la lave-vaisselle

>>8939130
will you die?

>>8939154
it will be extremely painful

>>8939154
I can only hope, anon

>>8939143
>Anonymous 05/15/17(Mon)19:44:02 No.8939138 ▶>>8939143 >>8939148 >>8939149
>>>8939130
>did you actually use a knife to cut fucking salmon

who the fuck uses a knife to cut salmon

>>8939162
who the fuck cooks salmon in a dishwasher

this isn't the time for rational thought

>>8939162
who the fuck quotes a post by copying and pasting the entire post

Now try lasagna in a kettle pls

>>8939168

it makes more sense to cook salmon in a dishwasher than to use a knife to cut it

Thanks for the fun thread, OP. I'm going to go make sweet potatoes in my oven.

>>8939090

my sides

>>8939194
I didn't think it was possible to be so elitist that your opinions resided in outright fantasy, but you managed to surprise me

>>8939044
Honestly not sure if it's good or bad but here's my ebin reaction image

>>8939220

>elitest

what

>>8939233
I don't know what else to call the delusion that using a cutting utensil to cut something is more outlandish than using a cleaning appliance to cook food

>>8939233
Pseudo intellectual statement is my guess.

>>8938756
Godspeed.

>>8938716
poaching is cooking, whats the problem?

Who the fuck had the idea to try cooking food in the dishwasher? Poorfags who could afford a dishwasher but not an oven?

>>8939050
no drying phase

>>8939264
"what if the ocean was really hot so our fish came precooked"

>>8939130
thats a real fucking cute plate

>>8939081

*stroganoff

Illiterate fuck

>>8939269
Kek

>>8939157

for you

today op was not bad

>>8939188
I've boiled eggs in an electric kettle before.
Just pop the lid open so it doesn't turn off. I even used the microwave on the lowest setting for an egg timer.

>>8939334

y..you know most microwaves have a timer option r-right

>>8939090
underrated

>>8938716
>Poaching is not the same as cooking

We all know it

>>8939374
That's what I used as the egg timer. I turned the power right down and set it to 3 minutes.
When it pings, the eggs are cooked.

>>8939399
just
use
the
timer
function
it
turns
on
the
timer
and
doesn't
turn
on
the
microwave

>>8939405
That doesn't exist on my microwave.
There's one dial for power and one for time.

>>8939069
anon...i

>>8939410

>that plate
>old ass microwave
>using a knife to eat salmon

wtf do you live with your grandma

>>8939442
Me and microwave anon are two different people

>>8939097
>You're eating off the plate you washed with the salmon.

Cook your salmon and heat your dinner plates at the same time.


Not lying at all... I am doing this in the future - but will place tin foiled fish in a ziploc bag and literally run a whole load of dishes with soap and everything. (top rack of course)

If it works, I'm going to do a whole fillet and host a dinner part with warmed plates. My family is going to shit themselves.

This is the best thread I've seen on ck in a long time.

>>8939127
>posting normie facebook memes

>>8939116
>not wanting citrus scented salmon
It's like you don't even know what a flavor profile is.

>>8939472

>"a..anon why are you putting dinner in the dishwasher"
>"just you wait senpaitachi"
>everyone exchanges worried glances

ims ure itll work out great anon

>>8939137

wow, someone didn't get the joke.

>>8938706

Op. about how long did your dishwasher run for? mine runs for hours, i feel pretty sure it would come out over done if i let it go for the whole cycle.

>>8939523

Timestamps on files show about an hour of washing.

>soundsAboutRight.tiff


This seems a lot like sous vide... Infact.. I am far more interested in trying this method over any stupid meme vide method.

Hmm.. I might have to try hard boiling some eggs.

>>8938706
>>8939044
>Sous vide makers hate him!

>>8939546
>lols

>>8939533
what's wrong with sous vide?

>>8939574
literally for hipster pseudochefs with more money than sense. it's a huge waste of money when you already own a dishwasher.

>>8939581
My sink water gets really hot, but I don't have a dish washer. What if I play with the water heater settings and then return the fish to its habitat, but it's a sink

>>8939007
salmon isnt good for your health.
eat small fish like croakers and lookdown

>>8939581
>when you already own a dishwasher
speak for yourself

salmon is full of mercury

do not eat

>>8938716
>Cooking
>Poaching
Come on, man.

>>8939693
>elements are bad
okay grandmama

>>8939672

Depending on your water heater, this could definitely work. The recomended temp is usually around 120, but some water heaters will go up to 160 and higher.

USDA recommends 145, so if you can get above 140 on your water heater and cook the salmon for between 15 and 30 minutes this would probably work fine.

>>8939684

shut the fuck up

>>8938716

>>8939162
>who the fuck uses a knife to cut salmon
but cooking salmon in the dishwasher is normal...

Posting in epic bread.
Someone poach eggs next

>>8939240
>outlandish than using a cleaning appliance to cook food
pffft i bet mr. hoity-toity doesn't use his clothes iron for grilled cheese

>>8939774
As OPs reign ends, a new hero shall rise

>>8939885
owo

>>8939885

I'm holding on tight for this wild ride.

>>8939472

>>8939885
Do it. Do It now

>>8939885
I'm not sure whether I even want to see where this is going

>>8938730
>>8938748
>>8938756
>>8938767
Did you get your dishwasher from fucking Christopher Columbus when he left to discover America?

>>8939990
>not having a god-tier dishwasher made before hippies started pushing for water/energy efficient appliances

My dishwasher might be older than I am but damn does it wash good.

>>8939885
>family loves boiled watermelon
>call me a faggot with no class because it's disgusting and refuse to eat it anymore
HATE

I have failed. The banana looked normal.

Someone avenge me by microwaving a pig foot all day or something.

>>8938962
can't tell if it's a really tall baby or if the picture is sideways

>>8940016

I don't think you left any of that in long enough.

>>8940018

That's clearly a really tall baby.

>>8940016
Dino tendie guy here and i accept your microwave challage. I do not own a pig foot however

>>8938756
>their

What belongs to who?

>>8938793
How old is your fucking dishwasher? From the 80s?

>>8940046
Buy one
Also what the hell

>>8940046
Jesus Joseph and Mary what the hell is going on here

>>8940046
HOLY SHIT DINO TENDIES IS BACK

post kot

>>8940046
I missed you. please continue

>>8940071
Sure thing. Hold on anons im getting some stuff together here

>>8939996
My dishwasher might be older than I am but damn does it cook good.

>>8940076

>>8940079
>>8940075
Also, what happened to the cake?
Also, also, you never explained your situation. Are you renovating? Why do you live like you do??

>>8940079
make dinner for kot, he looks hungery

>>8939044
>this is what meme vide users actually believe

>>8940046
Washed up celeb here. I have a $150k kitchen but have used pots and pans and dirty plates and shit all over my $17k countertops(the price of the granite alone). At least the walnut floors don't look like that though, fuck. That's the one thing I have going for me.

1 egg

>>8940141
What the fuck

>>8940141
God damn, and here I thought I was doing bad

Fuck that was my only egg

>>8940064
>>8940070
What's there to explain? You're looking at a probably 40 year-old kitchen. When's the last time you cleaned the sides of your stove, if you have cabinetry around yours? Yours probably would look the same once you pull it out. Shit falls between cabinets. Bits, crumbs, drips, leaks. It gets nasty.

>>8940186
>When's the last time you cleaned the sides of your stove

Have you ever heard of spring cleaning?

I remove, disassemble, service, clean and reinstall all of my appliances every February.

>not keeping a perfectly clean and functional kitchen
>plebe as fuck

>>8940186
Why does your stove have sides? Is this how poor people live?

>>8940141
Nobody's used that sink in a long time. I don't think you actually live in that house, DinoTendies.

>>8938716
>You're poaching it.

>>8940206

That trash cookware and you're gonna call someone else poor?

>>8940206
That's your mom's house, I would know.

>>8938793
Homemade Mac. First time making some, it came out OK.

>>8938706
ever tried washing your dishes in the oven?

What the tick did I just witness

>>8940116
I always thought you were one of us, brendan fraser

>>8939188
Does pasta in a kettle work?

>>8940058
>who
whom.

>>8939727
the effects of mercury poisoning i see

>>8938855
uh. a dishwasher gets as hot as the water supplied to it...

>>8938706
Is this you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_Pdd5nETnA

>>8941039
Nope, my dishwasher is hooked up only to the cold water, there is an element inside the dishwasher that heats the water. It's more efficient this way.

>>8941065

If that's true it's fucking retarded. An insulated water heater heats water far more efficiently than a dishwasher does.

Yes, some dishwashers contain an internal heating element but they still perform better if they are connected to the hot water supply rather than cold.

>>8941065
Only if your house's hot water is also electric. Then you have the advantage of only heating at the point of usage, and not losing heat to plumbing.
However, if you have any other form of boiler, eg gas, the electric water heater in your dishwasher is WAAAAAAY less efficient.

>>8941080

even so having the water come into the dishwasher hot will result in better cleaning.

most dishwashers don't have a thermostat except a safety cutoff switch. They just run the heater for a set amount of time while the washer is running, as opposed to filling with water, heating to a setpoint, and then running.

If you feed the washer with hot water then it will be washing with heat immediately. If you feed the washer with cold water then it will start washing with cold and then will gradually warm up as it runs. The former is more effective at washing dishes.

I've seen a couple Bosch models that do heat do a setpoint first, but that's very unusual. Most just start running with whatever water you feed them and then might warm up the water from that point.

>>8939294
I don't really respect Russians so whatever.

wouoldn't a dishwasher be full of left over cleaning chemicals attached to the sides which would dissolve in the water you're cooking your salmon in?

>>8941157

No, for two reasons:

1) the dishwasher runs a rinse cycle after draining out the soapy residue so there is no soap, etc, stuck inside it.

2) the salmon is wrapped in foil and/or plastic. It doesn't actually touch the water inside the dishwasher.

>open restaurant
>make everyone find their own strategically placed fish
>instead of having FOH staff clean dishes make them dirty them
>everyone finds their fish
>tell them to wrap it in pre-seasoned foil and warn them it'll take 15 hours
>lock the doors
>give them a gun so they can kill themselves because they realized they spent 250 dollars on this
>those that don't kill themselves get to roast the corpses of the others and take leftovers home with them
>there was no dishwasher to begin with
>because miguel didn't show up

>>8939472
>My family is going to shit themselves.
I can only hope that you meant that ironically.

However yeah, they're gonna be shitting themselves alright.
Shitting themselves in the bathroom.

>>8940046
BASED DINO TENDIES

>>8938716
You're a clever fellow, aren't you?

>>8939096
actually lold

>>8940046
I THOUGHT YOU GOT STABBED BY A COKE HEAD!

>>8943394
Im ok. Crack heads did break into my house last year though. Jokes on them i didnt have anything to steal

>>8940116
Post picture of kitchen with dick on counter. Conversely post picture of dick with counter beneath it

>>8943409
Is that really your house? Do you shower? What do you eat other than tendies? What country are you from? Can I see your hands?

>>8943568
Im eating some pizza right now

>>8943672
how is it?

>>8943672
>im eating some pizza right now
yeah so who gives a fuck?
>DinoTendies
OHH SHIT WADDUP?!

>>8943725
Pretty good. White pizza and a sausage and pepperoni pinwheel. Never had one of those before, basicly a rolled up pizza. Also my hand for the anon who was interested.

>>8943672
so you live somewhere in detroit then?

>>8943791
Is that a detroit thing? I bought it at a NY stlye pizza place, I don't ever remember seeing them the times I went to NY though.

What the fuck is this shit

>>8943785
Cut your thumb? Did it bleed a lot? Did you cry?

>>8943843
Yeah, sliced my finger a few weeks ago, needed some stitches.

>>8943785
Yo that cat wants to eat your thumb senpai be careful of hood cats

just bake you salmon. i cook mine in a pan covered for 20 minutes on 325 and uncovered for 10-15 more minutes. Usually brush it with olive oil sometimes butter. salt or mortons sometimes with a little garlic.

Turns out great and I eat probably 100lbs of salmon a year this way or straight up home canned salmon. Most people here in Alaska eat it about the same way or make salmon salad with it.

>>8941048
>breaking the spaghetti in half
That triggered me more than anything else. Why do people do this?

>>8939127
keep this meme on twitter where it belongs

>>8939130
OP do you have only one plate/fork/knife? That's some Ben Affleck in 'The Accountant' shit. Which is autism.

>>8939044

>>8943996
you are cooking at way too low a temp for way too low a time, drying your salmon out.

pan sear skin side down in unoiled cold steel or cast iron pan until you get some color going up about 20% of the bottom, then place about 8 inches under top broiler for 8-10 minutes

Are people that desperate to try and replicate Sweet Sundae Ramen?

>>8941094
>most dishwashers don't have a thermostat except a safety cutoff switch. They just run the heater for a set amount of time while the washer is running, as opposed to filling with water, heating to a setpoint, and then running.

"Most" dishwashers have a hot start option, even cheap ones. Why do people write huge lines of text on 4chan and dont know what they're talking about

>>8940911
And your goddamn father

>>8939090
hahahha

>>8939044

looks pretty good desu

>>8939044

>>8939442
Id eat her salmon if you catch my meaning

>>8944380
top kek

>>8939044

>>8939334
You can just put them and let it boil. Leave it to cool afterwards.
Take then after 10 minutes if you want them soft, 15 if you want them hard. The residual heat is enough.

>>8939137

>clotheswasher

also called a washing machine

>>8939262
>>8939697
>>8939738
>>8940263
>>8939384
>>8943283
/ck/ retards have no idea how to cook yet again.
The whole point of doing it in the dishwasher is to poach the fish, you don't poach a fish in half a cup of canola.

>>8939472
the nyquil chicken adventure was better imo

>>8940046
I bet half the people in this thread have an oven that looks like that on the side. It's what happens when a counter is jammed right up next to it and you can't clean between them. No excuse for the top, though.

>>8940116
>my $17k countertops(the price of the granite alone).

That's how you can tell he/she was famous in past decade. If he was a current celeb, his new house would have marble. I honestly can't tell the fucking difference in feel or appearance. Trendy people baffle me.

>>8940206

Nice knives. But the counters look like my grandmother's curtains until you look closely and see they're circles and not flowers. I'll let it, go, though.

>>8944108

I miss ovens with knobs. Whoever thought that everything needed to be those """fancy""" push-button panels needs a cockpunch. I remember when I was a kid and even the microwave had a knob. It was fucking awesome. Now you have to a chef-grade super-premium oven to get knobs. Because apparently 50,000,000 year old technology and design is reserved for the cutting edge. Like how landline phone providers charge per minute for local calls now.

of fuck that was a rant. oops

>>8944614
its not poaching. the water never comes in contact with the salmon.

Wouldn't boiling the salmon in aluminum foil achieve the same effect?

>>8945753
>Wouldn't just jerking off in your basement achieve the same effect?

>>8945056
OR just get a gas range. It's only those shitty ass electric ranges that do that push button bullshit.

>>8944614

>>8941048

all this water saving...

i have a pool in my backyard, and fish tanks, and a full family... i have to pressure wash parts of my property and clean the pool and fish filters.. and i go through thousands of gallons.. my average waterbill is probably 30 bucks.

what the fuck is wrong with these people?

>>8946359
depends on where you live.

>>8941048
>reusing fucking preggo

>>8946378

oh yeah i forgot that in some parts of teh country their water bill might be as high as 45 dollars.

if you don't want to spend money on showers, the best thing to do is just not take showers.

the reusing a pot of water to boil food? that saves what? a gallon per day? so she is savingt .4 cents per day or 15 cents a month?

when she's 95 she'll have saved ALMOST enough to buy a tank of gas.

I mean... there is retarded, and then there is mentally ill.. and she's both.

>>8946411
Yeah I didn't watch the video before i replied. Bitch is insane.

>>8946411
If you boil pasta and save the water, cool it you can use it to water plants. They go nuts for that shit. Then you can grow and harvest food.

It's a good way to double-down on water consumption.

>>8946443

This is fully legit. But if you set up a rain barrel in your back yard you'll have thousands of free gallons of water per year and you won't have to worry about any of this. And the plants eat that shit up too because no chlorine and fluoride and mind control chemicals.

I just want to say that I appreciate this thread. Gave me plenty of hearty laughs.

>>8944294

it doesn't dry out with the pan covered and it comes out perfect. I don't want half my fish seared baking it this way leaves it firm but not hard and soft enough to turn into salmon salad if there is left overs. Like I said I eat more salmon than I can stand and this has been my method for years. This is salmon I've personally caught and filleted and froze.

>>8940789
>>8940789
KEK

>>8941048
Holy fuck she cooks in her dishwasher!

Also this is most definitely a mental illness sort of like kleptomania

>>8946454
>But if you set up a rain barrel in your back yard you'll have thousands of free gallons of water per year and you won't have to worry about any of this

Calling the cops.

http://www.cnsnews.com/news/article/man-sentenced-30-days-catching-rain-water-own-property-enters-jail

>>8938748
>>8939033
so you washed the plate you're eating off at the same time you cooked your dinner?
That's genius!

>>8939007
>i'm eating salmon for health
Mmmmmm! Mercury!

>>8944614
Once again a /ck/ smartass gets blown the fuck out. go back to your cave you elitist prick. Let the man do his dishwashing magic cunt.

>>8938716
if it's in oil, wouldn't it be fried? does the dishwasher not get hot enough to fry?
either way, isn't poaching a method of cooking?
if a mobster says he's going to cut one of your fingers off because you're a fagget and takes your thumb are you going to axe him why he said finger and took a thumb?

>>8938752
hahah i lol'd

>>8941039
you dishwasher doesn't have heating elements in the bottom?

>>8946941
> he was not convicted of collecting rainwater- which is legal, he diverted streams , put up dams and had 13 million gallons.

Is this what they've been really calling steamed salmon all along?