/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>8281376
I believe that's autism friend

I pretend I have roommates and I'm teaching them how to cook and eat healthy. Or I pretend I'm teaching a CUTE WOMAN how to COOK. Or I pretend I have a CUTE WOMAN helping me out.

Mine would be an amateur YouTube video.
I'm usually high as balls and do impressions of famous chefs. My go to is the classic emeril lagasse "bam" and "kick it up a notch".

Sometimes I pretend I'm cooking to impress a thin Rachel Ray or Giada de Laurentiis.

>>8281403

Try it out, it's pretty fun.

>>8281376

I did, once when I was 10. Go see a shrink.

>>8281376

I used to work in a kitchen(Viet/French fusion bakery) and so I got to experience the adrenaline rush of working in a kitchen for the first time. I don't forget that feeling when I cook at home and I'm always on my toes and moving from one thing to the next as if time effiency were important.

>>8281376
Why do do you need to pretend? Just do what every other egocentric asshole celebrity wannabe does and set up a cheap camera (like your smartphone), film yourself while cooking with your imbecillic patter for a dumb, boring, 0 viewed youtube video. Wala! Suddenly, you're a star IRL. Your 15 minutes are solidified for eternity.

I made cookies today while listening to hardcore and horror punk. I imagined I was doing a show all by showing, no speaking. Like, a show where you just enjoy good music while watching me make a basic recipe. Usually I listen to 60s pop rock like little richard and shit, and when I listen to that, I imagine making a show that teaches poor people on food stamps how to buy groceries and eat healthy.

>>8281934

>I imagine making a show that teaches poor people on food stamps how to buy groceries and eat healthy.

You sound like a good person.

>>8281896
King cu/ck/ spotted

>>8281958

He's just virtue signalling.

I pretend to be on Hell's Kitchen, yell at myself for cooking so badly, smash my food, throw it all in the garbage and leave the kitchen a crying mess eating raw salt

>>8281376
Nah, I twirl around the kitchen like I'm in a musical number though. I have no idea where I picked this habit up.

>>8281934
>imagine making a show that teaches poor people on food stamps how to buy groceries and eat healthy.

Actually, I've had this very same thought. Cookies, however, would not be on the top of my list of shows to do. Nor would cake. I'm actually getting ready to approach our local community channel with my proposal for 12, 30 minute segment shows. I've got each show already sketched.

>>8282148
The cookies were a sepperate show. I've thought about doing some research on it, and coming up with a book or something. I have a lot of friends who work hard but waste their money on shit food and don't know how to cook. They complain about not being able to afford food, but I'm eating healthy and paying bills on minimum wage, and I still have money to party on weekends and buy video games.

>>8281376
How is schizophrenia treating you?

just do it for real and put it on youtube. wear a mask if you want.

>>8281376
I do this with everything. Even when I'm making grilled cheese.

It's really fun.

>>8281376
>Does anyone else act like they're hosting a cooking show while making food?

HAHAAAH! Yes. I've narrated entire meals before. Well, when I was alone before. Not anymore I realize now. I used to do it a lot.

>>8282077
You must be pretty. That sounds cute.

Yes but I do it under the guise of eating for $20 a week.
Every sunday I go grocery shopping and when I come back and start unloading everything, I sort of narrate what all I bought, how much it cost, and what I plan on making with it.
And then when I'm actually cooking I'll refer to the specific items and mention the per-serving cost, while giving brief descriptions of how to cook it because that part isnt actually complicated.
I toyed with the idea of actually recording it but I look like a cave troll and have basically no natural charisma.

When I was in grade school I would do this in the cafeteria. I would sprinkle crumbs over my food while muttering about what I was making.
I was not a popular child.

>>8282753
None of us were, anon.
None of us were.

Not really with cooking but I do similar things sometimes

>Commentate myself while playing sports games
>pretend I'm training a new employee at work and explain all my steps
>pretend I'm hosting a fitness YouTube channel when I lift weights

>>8282077
OP's mental state is maybe worrying. I do this though.

>>8281376
I dance and sing after hitting the gym, but even on psychotropics, I just have conversations with myself, not an imaginary tv audience.

>>8281376

pretending to "talk to" or "teach" an imaginary friend (or pet, alien, etc.) is a common sign of mental illness in children

No but I talk to my friends I havent seen in a long time or people I know from radio/podcasts like ill pause the playback and give my point of view and pretend they're arguing it back with me then ill start the show again once the "discussion" is over

>>8283067
Bullshit. Some of my best friends are spirits. You think I'm just mentally ill. I don't want to live in your bullshit world where the brain is the beginning and end of existence, where no one has a soul and nothing has intrinsic meaning. Fuck you. Go die and go to hell and then call on jesus because you were W-R-O-N-G and the soul does exist and yours is a shit stain. Jesus will rescue you if you believe.

>>8281376
>talking aloud

No way, that's crazy. I talk in my mind.

I desperately want my friends who can't cook to have me over so I can teach them some things. I'm not a genius I've just done a lot of research and like sharing.

OP you made me laugh. Happy to know that we're part of the same team, but i'm not as professionnal as you are.
Anyway I really apreciate commenting on my cooking wether friends are around or not.

>>8281437
yeah chef impressions when high af is really fun, but my roommates only enjoy it when its like 2 am and we are all high. under the day they just get mean and tell me to shut up

>>8283115
>claims to be not mentally ill
>throws a tantrum like any mentally ill person would

I wish Regan hadn't cut all that funding from care facilities.