/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>8151523

Woo the same unfunny images that get posted in every one of these /b/ tier threads...

>>8151523
>>8151560
>>8151561
>>8151587
Not funny.
Retards.

>>8151567
>>8151591
u in the middle

>>8151591
You have no friends

>>8151600
>>8151603
>>8151606
Not funny.
Retards.

>>8151616
Post something funny then my friend

>>8151591
Feel free to post the pinnacle of food-related comedy then - unless you're just an insufferable cunt who doesn't like anything

>>8151644
[triggered]

>>8151594
lol i remember this thread. poor guy.

>>8151749
what happened in the thread? is that the guy that yells at kids in the cooking show?

>>8151523
Why is Gordon such a savage?

>>8152032
Scottish genetics

>>8152032

idk but he's based af

>>8151591
dont rag on mr oreo

>>8152189
what a fucking ham

>>8152163
original version

>>8152280
the dedication to this meme is really pathetic and it actually depresses me to know there is someone out there to have made this

>>8152303
t. assblasted 'goan

>>8152261
haha

>>8152401
is ja/ck/ bannable now? I wondered why I never see scalfani threads anymore

>>8152421
For some reason the mods don't want us talking about people who cook food on the food and cooking board.

>>8152401
kek

>>8152306
I live in California and I hate shitposters

RIP

Also RIP drunkanon

>>8152628
haha

>>8152643
Looks comfy

:3

>tfw no kitchen

>>8152562
ok that's pretty god damn funny

>>8151749
What happened?

If you read none of these, at least read this one.

>>8152686
Is that fucker dead, or what?

>>8152691
(I hope)

>>8152694
>failblog.org

no don't

>>8152713
kek

I think this is supposed to be a collection of Irish Stew Guy's other posts. /ck/ was a lot smaller a coupla years ago.

>>8152662
"Harvesting"

;)

>>8152602
this fucking killed me

>>8152779
>ywn have an unintelligible shrimp-loving negro to crab with

>>8152823
That's pretty fucking cook.

I have the Fatty McAutism posts in Copypasta form if you guys would like them. I did not have the forsight to get them in a screen shot. Almost done posting for the night.

This is a long story but worth it.

>>8151591
What a stinker.

>>8151591

Suit yourself. I had a good snigger

>>8152837
I was this OP and this story is 100% true. It was at a small regional grocer. It became a sort of local legend circa 2005. I was one of a small handful there that sordid night. To this day if you go into the back room men's restroom on the mens room sign there is a scribbled sharpie ink pickle cartoon drawing next to the ass. I'm can't believe someone capped this, I'd be surprised if 3 other people remember that night. Wish Boner is probably dead by now.

>>8152751

He was either a masterfully written troll or a sociopath.

>>8152439
this is somehow irrationally funny. i can picture this kid, with his greasy hair and over-sized suit, thinking of himself as an intellectual for taking his mindful walks in the evening.

And then he just chimps the fuck out outta nowhere! just full-on, American History X style boon crackin!

good shit, m88m8

>>8152573
RIP sides

>>8152713

I laughed, but this ultimately bummed me out

>>8152792
There are places that assume a tip, and 18% at that? The fuck. Pay your staff, jesus

>>8152573
my fucking hero

>>8152801
yea this. mother fucker probably made the best damn gumbo for miles

>>8152844
>>8152852
>>8152859
>>8152864
Every time I read this story it just gets worse.
God damn.

>>8153230

I remember this thread, was fun.

>>8152561
I guess that's just sour grapes.

Who could forget this classic.

>>8152801
Oh my fucking God. I live in New Orleans. I have worked with guys just like this. They're ancient, nothing seems to get them down, and you can understand maybe one in ten words.

They're usually some of the nicest guys you could ever want to meet, and several of them have been astounding cooks, but they're always missing half their teeth on top of their thick accents and it's like listening to a zydeco album underwater.

>>8152823
He couldn't be satisfied to just flip a Twinkie over and notice the three holes on the bottom.

>>8153471

How smart and yet stupid it is at the same time still amazes me.

>>8152563
fuck I remember this
I had fish I caught in the freezer but I was too lazy to take a timestamped picture

>>8152543
mayo is a dairy

>>8152688
Please tell me there's more.

>>8153464
>it's like listening to a zydeco album underwater.
This is probably the funniest thing in the thread so far.

>>8152643
Would be a shame if something got on that wallscroll in the process of cooking.

>>8152445
have you considered the possibility that jack himself secretly mods the board

>>8152662
got this one for Christmas as a joke
i want it to be a joke

>>8153464
Baton Rouge here, never meet anyone like that, wish I did. All I ever run into are rednecks. Neighbors on the street next to me cut down a tree by themselves and it fell on their fucking house.

>>8152957
He didn't come off as sociopathic, he came off as oblivious and "high functioning" autistic.

>>8153036
In Europe and Brittain especially gratuity is generally included in most meals for sit down places, at least low-medium end ones. High end ones you're sorta expected to tip based on how good the food/service is, but either way you can say "No, do not want to tip."

>>8152688
Man those drawings fucked with my perception of mike and bruce.

While I was reading this I imagined Mike as a fat loud guy. Bruce as a muscular dude bro.

>>8152694
>my 10 year old self's face when

>>8152439
For some reason this almost made me choke on a chicken wing

>>8152573
>bon appetit, wanna fuck?
Oh wow

>>8153001

>Sitting on 4chan one day
>Waiting for friend/relative to show up so you can celebrate your birthday
>Knock on your door
>Friend/relative is actually your grandkid grandkid
>All your friends and relatives your age are dead
>Horrible cake made of household cleaners is in your oven
>All your friends are dead

>>8152543
how are dogs carbs

>>8152573
That guy spent fuck knows how much just to make her a free dinner. Even if he fucked it up royally, the least she could to was lie on her back and take a dicking.
Women are nothing but whores, whores who you spend money on only for the chance to fuck
3DPD is cancer.

>>8152778
Beautiful.

>>8153464
They make rad food and play various instruments like champs.

Old negroes are magical creatures.

>>8153940

>she didn't have sex with him for expensive food
>therefore she is a whore

>>8153940

do you realize that for women, having sex with unattractive men feels exactly like suicide?

>>8153940

>>8152439

>>8154026
What is "Off pant"?

>>8154057
pants off

>>8154057
women want men to give them stuff but dont want to give anything in return.

>>8154057
source: http://www.nairaland.com/3367570/girl-says-jesus-fed-5000

>>8152303
>eating desk
I think that's the most chilling part.

>>8151606
that is one swarthy kike

looks like Jose Bautista with 6 inches added to his nose an 80 pounds of body hair added

>>8152032
He used to play footy

>>8152713
Something tells me the 'Birthday Dough' would've put paid to any survivors.

>>8152823
How did he manage to requisition a CT scanner without working for the hospital that owns it? Regardless, a truly impressive post, the likes of which we need more of.

>>8152779
kek

>>8154216
He seems to know quite a bit about how to operate a CT scanner, so my guess is that he's a med student, or is otherwise involved with doing CT scans for research in grad school.

A man comes home one day to his wife who's called Mary.
He rolls up his sleeve and shows her a tattoo he's just had done. It says "I Love Sue".
She freaks out and demands to know who Sue is.
He explains"I wanted it to say "I Love Suet Pudding" but it was so painful I couldn't get past the second E!
:-D

>>8152844
>>8152852
>>8152859
>>8152864
10/10 will always read

>>8152688
I fucking hate people like Bruce

>>8152548
I don't care if this is real or not I lold

>>8151757
>>8152667
I think it was an alton brown thread, the kid in the middle posted the photo with his face blocked, some anon posted the original photo 5 mins later.

>>8152573
Read this while in a work meeting just now.

Fortunately boss cracked a terrible joke. I'm the only one laughing. He approves.

>>8154901
please open this video with your sound all the way up and don't look at what it is

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4jH0WeV67I

>>8154951
No thnx

>>8154381
kek.
I think.......

>>8153609
Jack is desperate to be a star by any means necessary so doubt he'd delete threads if he was a mod

>>8152662
>Freshly available behind most bar counters

>>8152189
When did he turn into such a douche bag?
All the tv shows he made after good eats have been unwatchable.

>>8152564
I miss that guy. Every time I'd see one of his nonsensical, drunken posts pop up in a thread I couldn't help but smile. I really hope he's okay, but alas.

>>8152790
Holy shit, this fucking killed me.

>>8152790
I dont understand, was the pan on top of the can, or did the can explode so hard that the pan was forced down into the stove and the lid was forced up into the ceiling, the exploding can of condensed milk wouldnt make the pan jump up if it was underneath it.

>>8152600
there it is

>>8152797
This is the funniest thing in thread.

>>8152688
Wew, I definitely pictured Bruce as a nigger.

>>8155212
I thought this was a humor thread, not a rage thread

>>8153512

mayo is eggs and oil, you dumbfuck

>>8155212
>taiwanese fresco site

were people making that joke back in 2014

man, my sense of time is all fucked up

>>8155312
People were making that joke in 2010, my friend.

go to gweilo or hakgwei for some authentic chinese stuff

>>8152261
reddit tier cancer fuck off

>>8153464
>it's like listening to a zydeco album underwater.
East Texan here, this made me lose my shit.

>>8154104
That is what stuck with me the most as well

>>8153940

sup /r9k/

>>8152834
Fucking hell I'm wasted and this made me lose my shit.

>>8152600
I remember this. Only had like 6 replies when I saw it though. What else happened after that?

>>8154057
>pay for dinner
>date doesn't want to shag

>>8153425
they didn't even put the beef on the right side

>>8155668
That's because he only ordered beef on the left side

>>8155677
You misunderstood me. I meant the correct side

>>8152760
I made it halfway down before laughing so uncontrollably I had to stop reading. My stomach hurts and I'm crying. I'm pretty sure I have an aneurysm on the back of my head in two places.

>>8152694

Reddit: The Fridge

>>8152722
does anyone have a bigger version, or better yet one with full pictures instead of thumbnails? I want to see what all this crazy shit is

>>8152694
hit them little niggas with a freezepop

>>8151560
>SON OF A MAMA

I'm ashamed to say I lost it

>>8151523

>>8152564
>Decide to just go for it, "Bon appetit, wanna fuck?"

I have people sleeping not 3 feet from me and spent the last 5 minutes containing my laughter so badly I cried.

>>8152439
I always thought that reviewbrah was the H.P. Lovecraft of food reviewing, this just settles that.

>>8156098
I bet the sauce is ketchup

>>8152643
>klk poster in the kitchen
>door cant be shut

Matoi looks much better when not in that stupid fan service transformation state anyway. I hope that guy got grease splatters on it and put it away for good.

>>8152303
OMG I fucking lost it

Especially at "medarge"

>>8152688
this version doesn't have the follow-up where glasses-loli loses her legs in some accident and fucking bruce went on to work at a cake factory or some shit and fucked up

>>8155173
Remember when he stopped being a fatty and made an episode on Good Eats about diets and shit. That's probably why, fats that stop being fat seem to turn into shit or become successful.

>>8152401
>>8152421
it's because his food is actually good now. Look at what he just made today!

>>8152555
What's so bad about spicy tuna rolls?

>>8156873
https://youtu.be/U9fPNWJ68YM?t=243

Forgot the link

>>8152421
That fat fuck is the Tim Buckley of /ck/

>>8152578
>simple sara
kek

>no jack

>>8151591

>>8156973
I disagree, because jacks weight will always increase. There will never be a loss.

>>8157002
>There will never be a loss.
Famous last words.

>>8151606
>Replace chew with jew!!!!!
Thats just cringey.

>>8156937
isn't america's number one pie apple pie

>>8157101
Are you questioning his knowledge of pies? Just look at this beautiful pie he made.

>>8157113
what the fuck is with this man and UNDERCOOKING EVERYTHING

I can see him saying that a steak is best rare, MAYBE blue-rare. But he does it with fucking everything.

>burgers are supposed to bleed!
>bread is supposed to have an inner core with the consistency of chewing gum
>pie? more like soup with a crust! amirite guys? who wants a slice? or rather a spoonful?

is he permanently on antibiotics? how has he not died of E coli or salmonella yet

>>8157118
Lurk moar, newfag

>>8157118
He has a pathological aversing to browning.

If it looks like it's start to grow any bit of char or browning, he'll say it's overcooked and burnt.

>>8157118
>burgers are supposed to bleed.
Burger don't contain any blood, fuckwit.

>>8157118
eating such poorly and unsafely prepared food over his life has given him the stomach of a vulture, he can easily consume foods that would kill a normal man

>>8157124
then what's the red stuff in them, dingleberry

>>8157127
>confusing meat juices with bonafide blood

>>8157127
Myoglobin in the meat juices, it's similar to the hemoglobin, which gives the blood its red color.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZjwE68MV7U

A German guy who used to try to become a youtube star.
He mainly did horrible cooking videos like this one:
A pan pizza made without yeast. Flour, eggs and sparkling water for the dough, ketchup and dried basil as the sauce and topped with chopped onions, salami and cheese.

>>8155064
Depnds on the bartender, i suppose.

>>8157369
>most

>>8157141
Those comments made me realize how long I've been out of the loop with German memes

>>8157377
Those are all related to Dennis, the guy from the video. He was told to use "Rimjob" as a general way to greet his followers and he used to use Lyoner for fucking everything, so his followers started to ask whether they can substitute everythign for Lyoner.

>>8157124
>not enjoying rare burgers

Genuine kek wtf man

>>8151523
Is he /ourguy/?

>>8151616
Are you kidding? The one with the watermark on the cake is great.

>>8155228

>>8152602
I cried laughing

>>8152925
Is this guy for real? Holy shit man

>>8155989
Fat bitches be breathin heavy I know you hungry

>>8157705
Have you not seen this before?

>>8151560
>that's amore
Cracks me up every time.

>>8151591
Post something then you whiney baby fuck

>>8152032
Someone has to be

>>8152823
Holy fuck this takes me back. I miss those days.

>>8152688
For some reason I feel like Mike and Bruce's design's should be flipped.

>>8157123

He'd probably give you the whole shtick about how browning causes cancer.

Being fat as fuck will do the trick there but yeah whatever.

>>8152907
>Wish Boner

I'm dead. I'm dead and you fucking killed me. ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY

has anyone got a cap of that thread where someone ran over a deer and asked if he could eat it
he ended up butchering it in his bath tub, looked like a horror movie
think moot pinned it for a while

>>8152844
>>8152852
>>8152859
>>8152864
Don't tell me this is the "open the yogurt" guy.

>>8152280

so unfunny it hurts

>>8155989
git money
git paid

>>8157524

>>8158225

>>8155228

I giggled

>>8152643
There is barely any room in that shitty kitchen. Sell your garbage house already.

>>8157615
>>8158506
not funny at all samefag, kill yourself

>>8155212
>Butter Chicken Ramen
It has potential.

>>8152706
I;m thinking about thos beans.

>>8156158
this is surprisingly accurate!

>>8152694

>>8155863
Found the thread
>>/ck/thread/S6411144

>>8158828
you son of a bitch.

>>8151591
I don't know man, that oreo stand-up is pretty fucking funny.

>>8153969
>do you realize that for women, having sex with unattractive men feels exactly like rape

Fixed that for you

>>8152694
HahahA Good post, Mythical Beast ;)

>>8152662
>Prostate milk

>>8152439

>"It is what it is anon! It is what it is!"

>>8152790
I know a woman who makes Dulce De Leche like that. Terrified everyone around them. They made it work though.

>>8158828
I chuckled I swear

>>8158828
kek

>>8152706
ken is a goddamn master

>>8151567
Some people haven't seen these yet myself included. I'm chortling and exhaling through my nose over here.

>>8152032
Savage? All he really did was say "Heh, I'm better than you. That's really funny to me."

I'd like to think he's above that.

>>8158225

>>8152563
I found Gluten-Free flour and I could pick up Greek Yogurt at a grocery store visit, do I need a bag of Almonds labeled "Activated Almonds" or would a bag of almonds soaking in water suffice?

>>8153635
so like everywhere else?

>>8152790

That is the correct process and timing tho...

>>8153635
>>8159636
I don't know which Europe this anon went to, but we don't actually tip unless you personally want to.
>In Europe and Brittain especially gratuity is generally included in most meals for sit down places, at least low-medium end ones.
not a thing I've ever experienced and I've been to 90% of EU

>>8159740
The gratuity included thing tends to be for large parties (usually more than 8), at least that's been the only time I've seen it

>>8159740
It's usually either included in the bill, or not asked for at all. I sometimes tip if the service has been really good.

>>8159831
>It's usually either included in the bill
Literally where?

>>8155989
Mr chicity keepin it real

>>8159831
There usually is no gratuity whatsoever in European countries. It's not included because it's not there. You pay what's one the menu and eventually some extras (like bread and cutlery in Italy).

But no gratuity.
You might tip on top of the bill for the waiter, usually you leave the tip after you paid everything (for instance, you leave the change on the bill you paid with). It's not calculated or mentioned anywhere.
I don't think you can even tip by paying with a debit card like you'd do in the states in most places.

Source : I'm from France, and I traveled through Europe. It's just not in the culture.

>>8159905

you might be from france but you are wrong on all counts. service charges are common, tips are common and so is paying with debit card.

>>8155233
>horizontal caps
kys

>>8159905
You pay for cutlery in Italy?

>>8159973
They bring you the wrong cutlery, so you have to go and talk with other patrons to find yours - it's supposed to make it an experience. Or you just slip them the /r9k/ tax and get the cutlery you need to eat your food with your meal

>>8159977
Haha what a cucked idea.
I'd just eat the food with my hands like a savage, that'd teach them.

>>8159905
Ya I worded myself a bit wrong, by included in the bill I meant costs such as cutlery, which is essentially gratuity. But you're right.

>>8153924
They bark

>>8154381
hehe... very funny..
NOT!

>>8155233
Anyone else hate it when people copy and paste in a load of unnecessary replies and reaction images in response to the post?

>>8152844
>>8152852
>>8152859
>>8152864
This shit belongs in /x/.

>>8159927
Except he's totally right? Where the fuck do you live?
Except from the mentioned cuttlery charge in the Italian turist traps, there's no tips or additional charges, unless you personally decide you'll tip for whatever reason.
Waiters are just paid a normal wage instead or being severely underpaid and having to rely on tips.

>>8152162
Jimmy Johns confirmed for white nationalist.

>>8152963
Don't forget that he once walked 2 miles to a gas station (in his suit) at 2AM so he could get what he considered to be the worst cookies he's ever had.

>>8159539
thanks

>>8151591
Grow up

>>8152783
>that watermark
Is this a joke?

Anyone have the scottish crock pot where he constantly says don't fucking lift the lid

>>8159539
That picture with the caption just ruined this picture. "You came to the wrong hood". Fuck off.

>>8152688
I would fug glasses.

>>8157124
Bleed is obviously a euphanism you autistic, underage retard.
Do you sperg out and claim that radiators use water and not blood?

>>8151560
fucking kek

>>8160678
>not old enough to remember demotivational posters

newfag

>>8152439

>>8152694
>>8152694
hey man you got a freezey pop?

>>8159410
>>8152706
I need more fucking Ken

>>8153001
Same

I'm gonna make a note for my grandkids to give me a Gameboy and insist I play with it as sign that I'm going crazy and I have to trust them among other layers of sanity tests

>>8161247

>>8161266

>>8161270
I love Ken

First time I came to /ck/ and saw a humour thread there was a screencap of some anon whose dad named a dish after finding his son fapping to Barbie or hentai and I lost it

Does any anon here have it?

>>8160592

i live in the UK. FoH don't 'rely on tips' here or throughout europe but that doesn't mean service charges and tips aren't common.

>>8161247
you're in luck

>>8161247

>>8161247
~

>>8155275
When has there ever been a black guy named Bruce?

>>8155989
bless mr chi city

>>8152779
I wish I lived near non scary black people. I really like those chubby "i luh my mama" types.