/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>favourite dish has cilantro in it and when you ask for no cilantro they cant do it because their prep team puts cilantro in all of the dishes.
This is why I only get steak from Joey. They put Cilantro in their butter chicken, which is fucking disgusting.

>the building is on fire

>over 50 dishes and MAKE YOUR OWN COMBO

That shit just means half the menu was prepared last week and frozen.

>>6959952
What the fuck is joey

>>6959957

That Joey guy down the block.

>>6959944
I know them feels. Pizza places are the worst. Instead of ordering the "Big Fat Ugly Larry Supreme", I'll just say I want Larry's supreme. Problem solved. I am NOT going to order something by its embarrassing name.

My turn off is any of these keywords:

>local
>organic
>sourced
>farm-fresh
>ethical
>fresh
>fresh
>fresh
>homemade

Stupid buzzwords used to mark-up the food prices. Lastly, don't tell me your food is fresh. It's assumed, and ultimately I'll be the judge of that.

>>6959954
>not wanting to grill your buns

how casual can you get?

>>6960013
>Not having that waitress that chides you jokingly for not saying the whole name and making it awkward

>>6960034

The waitresses here are pretty bad they just stare at my ass and quiver the whole time

>no description next to dishnames which sometimes sound like slogans: "Chocolate madness!"

>when you eat at a restaurant that allows you to pick from a list of dishes and combine so you make your own starter, main and dessert but non of the dishes actually fit together: pick 2 and there is 1 slow cooked meat and the rest is fish

>restaurants that try to add modern meme ingredients to make dishes look hip but fail horrible: had a salad which was nice but they decided to add jelly vodka which tasted like liquorish and totally fucked up the dish

>over complicating a dish with uncalled for ingredients: the more the better it sounds

>Communal tables

>>6959944
>menu is more than 2 pages long
>carpeted floors

Entire face lift of decor and menu such as all the fucking Wendy's now look like starbucks. Chili's, apple bees and tgif all look like they bought the same mod hipster kitch furniture at the same place.
Unnecessary menu fillers/accommodation such as a burger at IHOP or pasta at a fried chicken joint.
When a place doesn't ask for desired meat preference meaning their meat is such shitty quality I can't eat it anything below charcoal

>>6959957
How YOU doin'?

>>6960013
>>6960034
>>6960049
>not saying the whole name ironically and making them feel like idiots

>>6960013
>Gluten-free

Any kind of hipster restaurant with stupid ass names trying to sound sophisticated

Also one time I ate at this restaurant like that (everything was also labelled "gluten free" and "locally sourced produce") and I had the worst time I've had in a while.

>There was no mens restroom. There was a womens restroom and for mens there was a sign pointing out to the street, I shit you not.
>Service was awful, I asked about some things on the menu (they had no descriptions) and the asshole acted like I should know it all.
>There was no water, the only way to get a drink was to buy a coke (of course it was the ALL SPECIAL mexican kind) or to go the water fountain.
>I ordered a milkshake and it never came. I asked 3 times and they said "we'll get it out to you in just a minute" and then when I had finished eating I asked them about it and they told me that they hadn't even started cooking it.

I left without paying. Fuck Corner Taco

>restaurant's name is just a single word
>menu has too much variety
>ignoring my request for a side of x instead of y and getting uppity when I ask for later

1. When I have a reservation for a specific time and I go there on time with a date or with other people especially if it's for business and they expect us to either loiter around or sit at some annoying crowded bar and spend money that we'd rather spend at our own table.

2. The stupid little light up LED things that some restraurants give out to let you know when your reservation is ready. That's tacky.

3. Tables so close together that I have to hear the conversations of other parties. I don't care about their conversations and I don't want other people to hear mine, because you know it's all top secret shit. That's also tacky and rude.

In NYC I'm not beyond just leaving if a wait get's too long and just going somewhere else, that's the nice thing about the place, there are always choices. It's much easier with a date, not so easy if it's with other folk for business, but it does stick it to them a bit for being rude.

>>6960207
Did you pee to the street?

>>6960207
>cooking a milkshake

you sound like a total babby. grow the fuck up

>>6960261
>>ignoring my request for a side of x instead of y and getting uppity when I ask for later
you're being the idiot here. the whole point of going to a restaurant is having someone else cook for you and making the menu choices for you. of course they're gonna look at you like your stupid when you try to customize your own dish to your liking. just fucking cook for yourself if you're gonna be that much of a man child

>>6960207
You just thought the sign was pointing out to the street, you have pissed directly where the sign was pointing, which would have been right on the wall of the restaurant.

>>6960292
If the person agrees to my request, forgets and then gets mad that I ask about the previous request how the fuck is it my problem

>>6960286
I miswrote that, I just meant preparing it.

>>6960292
>the whole point of going to a restaurant is having someone else cook for you
>stupid when you try to customize
oh wow

>>6960292
>and making the menu choices for you
>man child

>>6960310
The chef is a trained individual that knows proper food pairings to maximize taste. You trying to change it personally ruins the outcome of the dish.

>>6960320
>proper food pairings to maximize taste
>maximize taste
aw it's bait

>>6960320
>trained individual
that's a nice phrase sounding good, but making no sense.
i'll remember this.

>classic cocktails listed in reviews
>everything is made with Rose's

>>6960174
Yes what if I have celiac?

>>6960013
>not wanting to eat a freshly killed animal
your loss

>>6960365
The term 'fresh' used in 99% of cases in restaurants is nothing more than an attractive buzzword, and the quality of the food ends up being no fresher than restaurants that dont mention it.

>DUDE BACON LMAO

Nope.

>turn 18
>thrown out to the world my own
>Go to a subway
>no idea how to order
>they explain i can make my own shit
>tell them what i want
>oh we already sell that, its this on the big fuckingsign next to you
>just order from the menu
>cant order from any fast food place without being told the menu is cheaper
Sheet how was i suppose to know ordering what they want me to order is cheaper than ordering what i want? Burger king got mad because i just asked for fries and a burger, they would not let me leave without going for the menu.

>>6959957
>what is google

>>6960292
Not every restaurant is a fast food restaurant, you stupid fucking teenager.

>>6959944
What's the problem bro?

>>6959955
The chinese place I was at last night had 197 dishes. 197.

>seating that is half bench and half chair
>advertisements in the menu
>unlisted prices
>no tap at a bar (if it's a decent sized place)
>country music radio
>Restrooms are down some tunnel or through a service hallway
>Restrooms with no paper towels, only blowers
>untouchable hot plate (unless it's fajitas)

>>6960387
it's called joey's not joey

>>6960452
That could either be awesome or terrible. If it's a small place run by some people who genuinely have a passion for games (and don't cultivate an obnoxious customer base), then it might be really good. If it's just a gimmicky place trying to cash in on hipstershits, it'll be fucking terrible.

>a restaurant near me calls their sandwich menu 'crusts and leaves'
>why cant they just call it sandwiches?
>have a thing on menu that says 'grilled bratwurst with onions and bacon (hot dog to you and i)
>why not call it a hot dog in the first place then?

why cant places serve food without being so fucking hipster about it?

>>6960306
Your loss. Cooked milkshakes are the fucking best, man.

>>6960207
>or to go the water fountain.
A restaurant with a water fountain . .. . WTF America???

I have been to shit-holes in Eastern Europe more refined than this.

>Menu typos
>Refusing to seat people until the last person in the group arrives

>>6960532
>Refusing to seat people until the last person in the group arrives
this

Tfw wanted to order the chicken sandwich last night but it was called the fantastic clucker so I had to eat a hamburger

Chalga music.

anyone know why sushi places have sexual innuendos for their food? Is that the japanese translation? all owned by koreans anyway. I don't get it

>>6960585
>sexual innuendos for their food

They do? Like what?

>>6960480
hot dog =/= bratwurst you fucking pleb

>>6960013
iktf. I occasionally go to a A&W next to my place and order "3 piece chubby chicken strips, double buddy burger and 1 mucky float". I feel like a turboautist when I say it but damn it's good.

>>6960585

I thought the one by me was the only place that did that.

I can't remember offhand, they had a couple dozen ones with themed names, but I do remember the "H-Roll".

>>6959944

>>6959944
when the entire menu is in a foreign language and there are no descriptions or photos of the meal.

>>6960013
>It's assumed

you're making a really poor assumption then in many cases

>>6960631
Either you're going to places in heavily expat/immigrant areas, so you should be expecting a different language before you even turn up, or else you're actually travelling abroad, in which case you are the worst kind of shit eating fuck for expecting people in another country to cater to your ignorance,

>tfw don't have the confidence to say a shitty >name so don't eat what I want
shut the fuck up cuck

>>6960631
>that one Indian restaraunt that has no english on their menus
>the city has barely any Indians
>certainly none that live in the posh area where the restaurant is

>>6960589
I've been to numerous sushi restaurants where they have "sex on the beach" and some other shit I can't remember.

>>6960656
Anything I wasn't raised with in my meth bubble of a hick flyover town is pretentious, you avocado coastie fuck.
>mfw a pretentious french surrender frog said "baguette" instead of "specialty bread"

>>6960170
This tbqhwy

>>6960656
>Either you're going to places in heavily expat/immigrant areas, so you should be expecting a different language before you even turn up
No, they should be learning a new language before they turn up in my country.

>>6960207

>>6960455
>>and that's terrible.

>>6959952

>Joey

are we byyyyaaackkk???

>>6960319
my mom orders for me tbh

>>6959944
when they're selling pic related

>>6960118
Best dang sandwich ever, I tell you h'wat

>>6960455
197 permutations of the same 12 ingredients doesn't really count.

>>6959944
Laminated menus.

>>6959944
>I'll have the Ike and Tina Tuna

>>6960480
>you and I
>not you and me

>>6960622
>in the background my son cries, he is hungry
>hungry for chicken nugger

>>6961646
Is that with a side of black eye peas?

>>6961626
Why? They're clean.

>>6960013

wew lad

>>6961677
I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.

>Mandatory gratuity

>>6961697
>Protip: You already did

>go to Sonic the other day
>decide to try the "Banana-Bo-Bana Blast"
>hit the button
>qt who I always chat with asks for my order
"Uh, yeah.. can I get a Banana Blast?"
>"You mean a Banana-Bo-Bana Blast?"
"Y-yeah.."
>she brings it out to me herself
>gives me a smug look
>feel like a faggot

Just give your shit normal names so people don't sound like children when they order it.

>>6960207

No restaurant would ever get planning approved if the layout were stated to not have bathroom facilities for male customers at a sit-down restaurant. The health inspector would have a field day.

So basically, you're a liar.

>>6963390
Unless local bylaws state that restaurants under a certain size do not require any washrooms, and they just happen to had one and decided to make it female. Could be that it is part of a complex with bathrooms shared by multiple businesses.

>>6959952
Cilantro in butter chicken (as with most indian curry-style dishes) is the norm, retard

how autistic do you have to be to not want to feel judged by the person who has to hear those names every single day from at least hundred people that week and thousands over the span of their employment

>>6960320
>The chef is a trained individual that knows proper food pairings to maximize taste.

>>6960473
did you even read the menu?

>>6960480
this sounds like a really good place tbqh (to be quite honest)!

>>6960452
>flourless cake
Hipster restaurant.

>>6960344
>>classic cocktails listed in reviews
>>everything is made with Rose's
Rose's what?

>>6960622
>tfw your arms are swinging french fried

>>6963305
This is why you're single.

>>6960384
>went to burger king
>asked for burger
no shit they got mad at you, they sell like 20 different burgers, how were they supposed to know what you wanted?

I don't see why you don't just say the number of point if you are really that uncomfortable

When I worked as a waiter, I was encouraged to ask the customer if thats what they really wanted because yes, you do understand what they generally want but people can be really stupid sometimes and order the wrong thing so you have to be 100% certain.

>>6963465
Lime cordial.

>>6963390

>You know how you sometimes see people scribble stuff on bathroom walls? Well it is encouraged here. The bathroom walls are painted with blackboard paint and there is chalk sitting on top of the soap dispenser. I didnt partake in this activity but you can if you like. Please just dont take forever on your masterpiece as their is only one bathroom for all of us to share.

This was by a male reviewer for Corner Taco in Jacksonville, FL. The place fits anon's description in what it offers except for the bullshit about only female restrooms. He's full of shit.

Hmmmmmm good question!! Fucking pointless thread

>>6960261
so you have a problem with dorsia?

Someone should open a steakhouse and name everything on the menu "Well Done with Ketchup".

>>6963568
Name it 'Beat Your Meat' and I'd fund it.

>>6963390

>milkshake
>hadn't started cooking it yet
>milkshake
>cooking it

..You screwed up your bullshit story.

>>6963471

Nah, if you order a burger at BK, you are getting a regular hamburger with ketchup, mustard, pickles. People would order just a burger all the time.

source: used to work at that shithole.

>>6960129
carpeted floors in restaurants are the worst idea ever, they shouldn't be allowed by health and safety.

>>6963568
name the restaurant "Well Done, with Ketchup."

>music playing isn't classical, jazz, or themed with the restaurant (like Chinese folk music in a Chinese restaurant)
>Asian restaurant that isn't Japanese serves sushi
>no prices on menu
>a million items on menu
>$3+ for regular soda
>tip already on receipt
>"Hamburger - $5, Cheeseburger - $7.50"
>no explanations of things on menu that aren't in English

>>6960013
>It's assumed, and ultimately I'll be the judge of that.

How can you judge something that's objectively verifiable? Either it's fresh or it isn't, and your interpretation of the finished product isn't going to change that.

>>6960034
"Oh anon, you want the Big Fat Ugly Larry Supreme right?" *Scribble down on tattered notepad* "Oh yeah, Big Fat Ugly Larry died last week, hahah." *Awkward sniggle*

>>6960162
>>6959955

>>6959944
>buddy works for a movie theater that sells food
>runs food out
>"Okay who got the bacon cheeseburger"
>blank stares, until one man stammers out "uh I got the Tony Danza"
>friend tells me of this instance with great annoyance
>lol at the man who does not recall specifically ordering the bacon cheeseburger, simply the Tony Danza

>>6959957
monkey monkey monkey
woowoowoo

i'm sorry but i cant think of anywhere else to ask this question. Whats this tool called in baking? its from windows game.

>only cheap beer they carry has a snide remark next to it in the description.
>everything else is a $6+ microbrew
>they're literally across the street from an artisan liquor store where I can just get a 6 pack of the same things for a few bucks more.

>>6965929
sifter

>>6963712
Fried ice cream blended with baked milk with a brulee-style topping.

>>6965969
it does this? white sugary speckles ..

>>6960013
but like a lot of pizza and chinese places with similar huge menus I wonder what the secret to a menu with tons of different items is.

>>6965929
>>6965985
powdered sugar duster, its used to top it off in a pancake or cakes.

>>6960013
Thankfully, pizza places here tend to have their pizzas numbered so I can just say I want a large number 7 instead of a Fat Larry whatever.
I get that they want the name to stand out but to me it just reads like they don't take their food seriously.

>Anything with the word Decadent in/near it
It's a garbage word for garbage dwelling fart-sniffers

>Pictures of food on the menu
>Moronic subjective descriptions (cooked to perfection, finger licking good, farm-fresh, decadent)
>"Quirky" names for dishes
>Huge menu
>Carpeted floors
>Charging for bread&butter or amuse-bouche
>"Family friendly" menus (burgers and fries at sushi place)

>menu has no prices
>everything has bacon on it

>>6965466
>Asian restaurant that isn't Japanese serves sushi
You realize sushi was invented by the Chinese, right weeb? 90% of "Japan's" culture is from China, kek (art, tea, food, religion, gardens, weapons and armor, even the fucking language)

>>6960207
I really don't want to spark *that* discussion again, but did you leave a tip there?
I would not have left a cent in a place like that no matter what the local customs are.

>>6959944

If the food is good they could call the menu item "the cat ass dip fuck."

Best breakfast item I ever had was called the "pig vomit omelet" in Cooper Landing, Alaska.

All I got out of your post is-

>I have no sense of humor so I can't eat food

>>6966514

That word really fucking bugs me, I agree. Like everything you enjoy is dipped in gold and fucked by a thousand fairies or something? "Delicious is far more appropriate to explain something you severely enjoy.

>>6960365
Depends on the animal, smartarse.
I don't want my steak to be freshly killed.

>I'll have a wrap
>oh do you mean the mayo madness hurricane blitzmax turbochicken mexbread tubeslider?

>>6959944
>blast in the ass from the past

>>6961646
I'll have the Skip's Scramble.

>>6966646
I want to visit this place now

>>6966629
>I left without paying.

Did tip my usual 20% though.

>>6959944
>Mexican restaurants in California and Texas that list all of the dishes in Spanish with absolutely no English explanation of what anything is.

>>6966669

I'll have the "what the fuck is that" with a side of "jesus christ stop being so pretentious."

>>6966664
Oh, sorry. I guess I just read the green part.
Yeah, I'd say leaving without paying OR tipping would be a good call here. I'm too much of a beta to not pay, though.

>>6966682

It's an extremely bold move not to pay champ (not that guy either). That's hardly beta in the least. It's sociopath behavior to the tenth level. It's not even on the scale.

>>6966687
It's bold alright but sometimes it's absolutely warranted.
If you're actively mistreated by staff and the food you get is significantly below the quality the menu suggested I don't think you're a sociopath for not paying for it.
I don't know why it's so much harder in a restaurant. If I bought a took or gadget that didn't work I wouldn't have any qualms with demanding my money back for it.

>>6966694
>If I bought a took or gadget that didn't work I wouldn't have any qualms with demanding my money back for it.
This.

Just because you can't give back terrible food you've already eaten doesn't mean you have to pay for it. Although if you eat it all then say it was horrible and don't want to pay for it you're a dick of the highest degree.

>>6960452

>Big Boss Burger platter
>demon wings

kek, that's... pretty good...

>no diamond dogs
>no Kaz's burgers

so many missed opportunities

>>6960532

this is a thing? the fuck man what possible reasoning could there be for this?

>>6961026
>"sex on the beach"

on the drinks menu?

I dunno, slimy and wet with the smell of fish? like beach fucking I guess?

>>6959944

hate to admit it, but when the top section says "Appeteasers" I'm in seventh heaven

bring on them tater skins and fried cauliflower

>>6960611

pretty sure they meant "hand roll" you fucking idiot

>>6961075

>tfw triggered when there's no english on the sign

>>6960118

this needs to fucking end, who the fuck enjoys that fucking awkward closeness to strangers while eating, I don't care if it's "European" (pretty sure it's fucking not anyway)
>out with friends
>go to this "japanese fusion" restaurant
>instant red flag at "fusion"
>place is fucking called chocolate Buddha
>wakemeupinside.png
>walk in, it's ONLY long communal table dining
>dont get the end seat, have to eat dinner weirdly close to a complete stranger, studiously ignoring each other
>cuisine is dead average, costs far more than it was worth, dining experience was uncomfortable

>>6966844
with sand and grit in the gusset.

>>6966614
do you call ramen Chinese food too?

>servers can't give any recs on drinks or food
>in fact servers seem the most unenthusiastic about their food
>why the fuck am I eating here if you hate your own food?

>artisan

>>6959944

>go to local Chilis
>sit in bar when it was last place to smoke
>server comes to work
>eats Subway at bar talking to bartender other servers
>decide to get take out order
>go to Subway and eat it
>felt good man

>>6960013

>rustic

What's wrong with carpeted floors? What floor surfaces do you prefer, lino?

>>6960013
>raw juice

>>6959944

>comfort fucking anything
>it's a fat girl thing

>>6966976
Fuckin' wood - haven't you ever heard of dudes who have had to rip up carpets from cat ladies? That pee like gets in there, under the carpet, and fucks the floor for like life. So, like, a restaurant has a bunch of gross shit spill on the floor, it's usually immediately cleaned but it's still gross to have a carpet

Wood floors are top tier, also I would assume it would be less of a hassle to clean

>>6961489
That's cute. I'm having my son order for himself already, 5 years old.

>>6967019
Wood would be alright I suppose. It gets cold as shit around here though and people really don't spill that much stuff, even the occasional literal babies.

>>6966863
european? I'm an eastern euro from a shithole, but I've been to lots of places all over the Europe and never seen that. Thought communal tables were an american thing.

>>6960118
I love these. Either I get an autist who will become visibly frustrated with me or someone cool like a qt girl.

It just forces social interaction, if you're going out to eat why not fuck with someone.

>>6960349
You eat your shit at home.

>>6967033>>6967033

Heated wood/tile floors
Or imitation lino
If people want comfort don't go to a dive and they can do heated flooring. If the place is too small/indie for heated floor then it's not for grannies who get cold feet from walking around inside.

Even if no one spilled anything ever people are constantly shedding skin, hair, dandruff all this body shit. Shoes are covered in bits of literal feces, all sorts of organic matter ane everything they may have stepped on.

Very high traffic on carpets will make them very gross very quickly.

>>6966614
>butthurt chinaman detected

>>6966614
Chinese sushi is a totally different and disgusting dish.

Sushi is pleb food, raw fish you eat on your fishing boat because you have no fire.

It's an iconic japanese dish, It's like eating an indian baguette or peruvian bolognese pasta.

>>6966675
>pretentious

That's just them catering to the demographics of the area.

>>6967062
You can vacuum? I just don't see carpets as such gross things, maybe people here are cleaner, replace it every few years and you're fine.

>>6960207
>for mens there was a sign pointing out to the street, I shit you not.

Authentic Indian cuisine

>>6967152
Because vacuuming takes away all the nasty little microbes and stench. Wow.

>>6960207
Things that never happened.

>>6967152
>replace entire carpet every 3 years
>take off your fucking shoes
hard call

>>6960589
I've been to lots of sushi place with rolls named things like

>wet dream roll
>screaming "o"
>ex-girlfriend roll
>playboy roll
>who's your daddy roll
>roll in the hay
>spicy lovers roll

I was also wondering why they do this. The korean servers don't even underatand the names or the innuendos. It's just uncomfortable and weird

>>6967186
>people with bad feet
>entire restaurant reeks of fucking feet
Just no fucking carpet.

Dealing with douchebags, niggers, and shitlickers with an agenda, that's a turnoff to me and I wont patronize those places. Some of these little faggots forget who's paying whom.

>>6967186
What kind of shitstain bullshit is that?
Expecting customers to have to take off their shoes to dine in your "fine" establishment. GET THE FUCK OUT you sneak attack jap or indian sack of shit.

>>6967169
Where do you live? Is it seriously so dirty that any carpet becomes a stinking petri dish?

>>6967243
They're calling Cthulhu.

>>6967214
I've never understood partisan restaurants, what the fuck does food have to do with politics.

>>6967359
It's the USA, everything is political shit.

>>6967152
Nah.. That shit works in a house but vaccums have been proven to not work that well. Fibers retain a lot more than dust and even with frequent steam cleaning etc ur bound to miss something.

>>6965934
> why don't restaurants sell booze at cost?

>>6960344
To be fair, there are some classic cocktails that call for Rose's lime, though they were intended to be made with the old version of Rose's lime.

For instance, a "classic" gin gimlet is just 50/50 gin and Rose's.

>>6967359
>enter bar
>rainbow flag

I'm not even at a fucking gay bar and they do this shit.

>>6966837
>pretty good

Are you trolling? That's the worst shit I've seen today

>>6965993
The secret with a Chinese place is that they can make 300 dishes with the same 20 basic ingredients. At an Italian American place with a huge menu the "secret" is usually the freezer and the microwave.

>>6967558
Isn't that the same for all restaurants? I mean there are certain set of base sauces and ingredients, those are all done, then just mix them up, then they can say it's "cooked to order."

The same base stuff is there and warmed.

>>6967571
>Isn't that the same for all restaurants?
I wish. Plenty of places just reheat frozen shit in the microwave, or dress up pre made items from Sysco or US Foods.

Anything that exclaims how hot it is as some kind of dare.

>>6967043
Why would you have that affect on someone?

>>6960013

>>6960013
>I am NOT going to order something by its embarrassing name
cucked by a name.

just do it, faggot.

>>6960384
>literal autism

>>6960480
>brats
>
>
>
>
>shit
>
>
>hot dogs

>>6967866
he still gets the pizza regardless retard. How is that "cucking" Do you just use that word for fucking everything ?

>>6967035
It's one of those things where some hipster or corporate fatfuck sees poor people doing something that's cost effective then adds buzzwords and glitters it up so that people will take it as something trendy rather than something for swine.

>>6967169
You realize you can get a washing vacuum that will wash the carpet, right? Literally takes no longer than normal vacuuming.

>>6967035
I think it's a hipster thing, I've seen it in a few places around London.

>offer a substitution
>pick substitution (fresh fruit or sweet potato fries)
>get bill
>+$2 for said substitute
If it's going to cost more, tell me before hand

>>6960285
This is actually hilarious. How much of a dweeb do you have to be to find where the arrow Is pointing to and assume it directing you out if the restaurant KEK.

>the menu has advertisements for local businesses

>>6967714
>restaurant run by white people
>"le too hot for white people spicy dish XD"

>>6967152
> eating at a restaurant
> hostess is vacumming while others are eating
> hostess is vacumming while im eating

Oy vey, im getting a refund.

>>6961677
Underrated post..

>>6968010
nothing wrong with a diner, you picky fuckhead

Garnish.

And when they charge for an extra goddamn slice of cheese.

>>6967035
I don't mind it in places like Vietnamese soup shops. Fast turnover and nobody really cares who is next to them. It's authentic there, not a man affectation

>>6968255
*an affectation

>unique dining experience

Fuck you I just want some good food.

>>6963305
then don't order food meant for children

>put shit on the plate
>tastes like crap
>lol anon why did you eat that

I don't know, because you fucking served it to me? Non-edible garnishes are tacky cancer.

>>6966570
> menu has no prices

Was this at Dorsia?

>>6967557
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yuKO_4bstg

Waitresses who don't come back to check
Forgetting lemon if I order water with lemon
Food not cooked to what i ask
Food not out in 12-16 minutes
People having no respect in resteraunts- talking loud, wearing so much perfume I start to gag, and not restraining kids.
Taking stuff off the menu I enjoyed.
Flat soda
Ziosks
Portion inconsistently

>>6968725
>Food not out in 12-16 minutes
>12-16 minutes

>>6968737
Or less. Industry standard is 12-16 usually

Local pizza place with any of the following

>no soda fountain
>won't sell dough so you can cook pizza at home
>pasta sauce and pizza sauce is interchangeable
>sauce is way to sweet
>owner is actually irish/indian/pakistani*/any other non-Italian

*There was a local place run by a paki that had some of the best pizza in the 'hood.

>>6968725
kek this is the most pathetic thing ive ever read

do you get upset when your mommy doesn't hold your hand too?

>>6968810
A. Fuck off
B. When I am paying to go out I expect a great experience

>>6968725
>Ziosks
What's wrong with this?
We live in the future now.

>>6968759
Damn, guess where I live is following behind. Unless it's a cheap asian place, it's like 20-25.

>>6968831
I hope you're paying a great bill and not expecting that kind of service and atmosphere in Dominoe's.

>>6968796
>won't sell dough so you can cook pizza at home
What?

Also don't judge race, best pizza place in my city of over 1 million people is run by an old Chinese couple.

>>6968831
It sounds like you need to try some new restaurants.

>>6959944
I've seen exceptions to all of these, but I hold them up as general turn-offs:
>Television screens
If you're a place where people gather to watch TV most of the time your food is shit.
>Build your own bullshit
Yeah, I want to have to choose my own adventure, instead of choosing among the best possible possibilities someone took the time to work out. Fuck that. You should have a chef in the kitchen, not me telling you what to do.
>Huge portions
If you're trying to make up for the fact that as a restaurant you can't source your ingredients any better than I could on a supermarket run with huge portions I get it. That's the best you can do. But you suck.
>Deep fryer is the heart of what you do
That's fun once in a long while, but it means you're awful beyond that.
>Microwave ovens
Shit, shit, shit, shit.

>>6967847
Nearly everyone I talk to either is already uncomfortable and gets their buttons pushed or they're interesting and even if awkward at least capable of carrying on a conversation.

Communal tables rock, especially at bars. Most nice places downtown don't get kids here, just suburban places do.

>>6968930
>just read my first book on the culinary arts

>>6959944
There's this one place I love going to, but ordering is always awkward.
>"Can I get the "They're coming to get you Barbara and the Dr. Heiter's Poutine Basket?"

http://zombieburgerdm.com/drink-lab/

>takeout menu reads "vagetable"
>kids menu titled "the kiddy"

>>6959944
Puns or refrences dont bother me if im going to a place that is local place that doesnt take itself to seriously.
What is a turn off if authentic is used.
Authentic is a hugely subjective term.
Or if they have higher prices because they dont allegedly use gmo.
Or places with a bunch of stupid crap on the walls.

>>6968930
As a bartender TVs are the most annoying fucking shit in the world. There is nothing in this world I would want to do less than drop everything I'm doing just so I can change the channel for you so you can watch your dumb non-playoff game (I'm fine if it's an important game). I love working at places that don't have TVs.

>>6960118
Where are these places? I live in Seattle and have never heard of this shit

>>6960095
>>restaurants that try to add modern meme ingredients to make dishes look hip but fail horrible

I honestly hate the quinoa fad.

Quinoa is a gimmick. It's not special. Japanese people eat rice almost every day and live to be 1000 years old. You don't need quinoa to be healthy.

Throwing quinoa in everything and charging an extra 20% because it's a niche product grown without heavy mechanization in Peru does not make food any healthier or tastier.

Honestly, it's a huge turn-off when there's no free refills.

Even if I don't drink 3 cokes, I like to feel like I can get a refill if I want one. I don't want to feel like I need to ration my drink to last the entire wait for the meal and throughout the meal.

Also, if there's no free refills, I shouldn't be paying $2.50 for a drink.

>>6967035
>european? I'm an eastern euro from a shithole, but I've been to lots of places all over the Europe and never seen that. Thought communal tables were an american thing.

American??! Wtf part of America have you been looking at? Americans rarely, if ever, just sit with strangers. Not even in the South. The only exception is at the bar next to the bartender.

>>6959944
I actually like it if it's an ice cream place that does it; otherwise, you're right.

>>6960452
no

>>6969218
what an edgy comic

>hiding shit "off the menu"

>are u serious right now?

>>6969039
Ayyyyyyyyyy lmao

>>6968725
ziosks are future

>Diners stylized after the 1950's America

>At least try

>>6960013
>>6967866
This guy is right, some delis and I other places have these stupid names for food and no numbers in front of the stupid name.

Who the fuck wants to say, "I'll have the Paul Newman." WTF? I don't give a fuck about Paul Newman why can't I just say "I'll have a #12?"

It's either some stupid celebrity name or some other stupid BS name that makes no sense.

Gimmie a fuckin' reuben or a BLT or whatever. That celebrity stuff really irks me and I avoid places that do that.

>>6968076
Scmucks like you who don't realize that peppers originated in the Americas and the only reason you asian and indian shitstains ever had exposure to them was because of white people doing trading and your shit quality on meat standards which at the time required lots of hot peppers to cover up it rotten taste.

>>6965929
Its a shaker.

>>6968255
It's pretty rare here in the USA, I've really only seen it in two types of places. The first are some and not all joints in Chinatown NYC, these are big tables and in fact I've met a few cool people doing that sometimes. The second are some BBQ joints in the south where they just line up tables, get the food and sit down somewhere and shovel it in.

Those are really the only two types of places where I've seen that.

>>6966557
I don't mind a huge menu unless
>sit down with huge menu
>get about 120 seconds with it
>i'm an asshole waiter comes up
>"know what ya want?"
>"no"
>comes back 60 seconds later
>"do you know what you want yet?"

>>6968831
I bet you get a great experience everytime you're getting a D in your A.

>6966666

>>6966666

>>6959944
not super into the huge customization phase going on atm

>>6969004
That funny. Why would people go to these places if they're socially retarded and fussy?

Next time you should drop your fork under the table, then look up the skirts of all the women and girls.

>>6960585
I've been to a restaurant that had a "climax roll" and a "second climax roll". They were surprisingly good. I just finished Bayonetta before I ate there, so I didn't bat an eyelash.

>>6969363
The best way is gluing little mirrors or spy cams on your shoes then looking up the skirts of unsuspecting girls when going up escalators in malls.

aka /b creepshots.

>>6969381
>on your shoes

No.

>All sides listed separately each one very expensive but good
>A combo platter with 5 different sides is practically the same price as just buying one side
>order the combo as it works out cheaper and is more food
>combo platter is just frozen versions of the real sides and is tasteless and shit
>literally paid for shitty left-overs of last weeks frozen sides that are not cooked or served the same way

Why don't places tell you this shit? i would have got the good sides separately if i know the combo never actually came with the sides they always sell.

>>6967129
>Sushi is pleb food, raw fish you eat on your fishing boat because you have no fire.

So how do you cook the rice?

>>6959944
>they hire black people

>>6960118

All of my fucking hate.

>>6969263
I have a great time putting my d in your mom's a when I get the chance. She has such a busy schedule standing on the street corner I very rarely get the chance

>>6969252
>Not liking Deli's that do that.
Man what sort of shit world do you live in that you can't enjoy a sandwich with a silly name once in awhile?

>>6969260
>It's pretty rare here in the USA
Big communal tables? Having at least one is a thing in small, ambitious, upscale places. If the place is too small to accommodate a variety of table sizes they'll have the place be all two and four tops, then put a communal table in the middle of the place to accommodate larger parties.

>>6960013
>not living in glorious new York where we just call the slices what we call them and the pizza is fresh and made right in front of you

>>6969809
NYC, a lot of the deli's are not only pathetic but stupid with the dumb celebrity names so I avoid ones that want to make me say stupid shit.

>>6969882
Some of these places in Chinatown Manhattan get pretty damn crowded on a Saturday or Sunday morning sometimes you get your own table, sometimes you don't, I don't really care that much as long as I'm getting good food.

I'm there to eat, usually with a date from the night before, we're usually hungover and there to eat and not to be pedantic about shit.

>>6969888
It's not just Chinatown. Many small, upscale places are doing it now as well.

>>6969892
That sounds kind of weird. I just wouldn't patronize those kind of places. Chinatown is one thing on a Saturday or Sunday morning, but for other stuff, communal tables in NYC is unacceptable.

>>6969899
I think it would be cool if they had one large communal table, and diners could choose to eat there or at their own table. Like if you go to dinner by yourself, but want some company you could join the five other people at the communal table for some conversation.

>>6960585
Not all do, but I have been to multiple that have.

>>6969004
It's more like most people are normal, but some of them are also charitable enough to give your awkward ass the time of day when you intrude on their conversations.

>>6968845
A lot of local pizza places where I live will sell you the dough so you can make pizza at home.

If they won't sell you just the raw dough, that'sa redflag because it typically means they use frozen.

>>6970023
Does that require a separate kind of business license? For instance I wanted to buy a bunch of uncooked spring rolls from a local Chinese joint and heat them up later but they told me that they're not allowed to sell them uncooked.
I guess that varies by jurisdiction.

>>6969202
free refills is a super american thing

most other restaurants in the world besides fast food places don't have a soda fountain, so you're essentially paying for another bottle of soda every time you need a refill

>Ask for burger plain
>It doesn't come plain
Back it goes!

>>6960292
i'm jewish.

>>6960452
Been there, actually pretty good. Did they finally get a liquor license yet?

>>6970335
>soda fountain
Also known as a, "Beetus Geyser".

>>6970351
certainly won't come back plain next time.

>>6959955
Oh god yes, this is like an alarm bell

>>6963540
Like he could even get a reservation there

>Only hot sauce available is tabasco or rooster sriracha

Shark > Rooster ∞> orange dyed vinegar

>Burgers are topped with iceberg lettuce or even worse, shitty Tex-Mex lettuce strips

WHY

>Restaurant can't make up its mind on whether is wants to be pseudo-Mexican or pseudo-Irish-American

Fuck you Carlos O' Kelleys

>General Tso's is sweet with no heat

If you're gonna serve me your sesame chicken with peppers added into the sauce for little more than show, at least give me the fucking sesame seeds.

>Chorizo has no spice to it.

Cheap cunts

>Ask for a small amount cilantro because they always put too much on and still get an entire bag worth of cilantro on one taco

Fuck you, Juan.

>>6960320
>The chef is a trained individual that knows proper food pairings to maximize taste

what is /ck/'s stance on the word "foodie"?

>>6960207
>>6960013
You think thats bad, I ate at this pic related's restaurant here in Brisbane

>Dads birthday, family come to Brisbane (where I live) to see a show and have dinner
>Mum thinks it'd be cool to go to this new fancy restaurant that just opened
>It's all Paleo of course, dairy, sugar and gluten free. Expensive as fuck of course
>GF and I split a small pizza as an entree
>spelt flour and cashew cheese
>It's dry as fuck and the tomato base is super acidic

Main course wasn't too bad, basically just a hunk of meat with sauce and 1 or 2 vegetables. My salmon was cooked very nicely, had that nice crispy skin you know?

>Dessert time
>We order one of each desert and share them around the table
>"Chococadomousse" - Literally a mashed up avocado with cocoa powder in it
>Coconut panna cotta - tastes like soap
>Paleo tiramisu - Was actually pretty good
>Ginger kombucha jelly - nigger what the fuck

>>6971331
my condolences for your father's suffering

>go to sushi for first time ever
>waiter ask my friends what they want to drink
>they all say tea and he writes it down
>I don't drink caffeine so I just ask for a sprite
>waiter then yells "water" and goes back to the kitchen
>get served water

uhhhhh

>>6971374
came to a total of AUD$500 in the end, so yeah I felt pretty bad

http://www.brooklynbarmenus.com
Enjoy m8s

>>6960320
yeah that korean guy making my bento box is definitely a tip top chef who is a master of food combinations and knows that the only way to have japanese food is with a california roll (seriousy fuck california rolls and all they stand for, they are fucking disgusting in every way)

>>6969122
>Authentic is a hugely subjective term.
It's also irrelevant. Oh, so this is how someone's grandmother does it? Doesn't mean shit unless it translates to superior taste.

>>6971651
>kale jam
>distressed water

>>6971719
>distressed water 18
>18
>lamb balls

>>6971651
>>6971719
>activated pork belly
>acorn

>>6971651
>distressed lamb and oyster balls

>>6971741
>french chorizo with sardine pancake

>>6971719
WTF is distressed water??? I need to know plox

>>6971651
>>6971719
>>6971740
>>6971741
I always laugh when shows do that whole "lol, I don't need a menu explained to me silly waiter" but this makes me think that I need to take a fucking 3 hour seminar just to understand what the fuck this means.

>>6971823
>he doesn't drink distressed alkalised water
Enjoy your short life.

>not eating scraped salt bombs

>>6971740
>frightened lamb
The fuck?

>>6971853
Farrrrk if you want butter on your corn it's going to get pretty costly.

>>6971900
Gotta pay for that farm-to-table quality.
For maximum freshness the butter is churned table side.

>>6971853
>free range kale

>>6971853
>butter
>$18

>>6971973
this is parody

>>6971974
Thanks Sherlock.

>>6971853
>$17 corn

>>6971929
>>6972058
What about Farm-to-table do you uncultured swine not understand?!
>bitches don't know about my $9 kraut with water

>>6971973
>water reduction
so they serve you a plate of nothing for $11?

>>6972186
I'll have one booze please.

>>6972236
they serve you heavy water. they claim its a reduction of water thats made it denser and more full of water flavor.
(heavy water is poisonous)

>>6972236
Steam bruh.

>>6959944

>the menu (excluding drinks) is more than two pages long

>>6960013
>go to Sonic
>"I'll have one of the buffalo lil' chickies"

>>6960207
I feel like this is one big misunderstanding poorly written as a joke.
Not too convinced with the "ahh gotcha" part