/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>6799592
if you really want to annoy the missus just wait until she's sitting down watching tv and then piss on the back of her neck.

>>6799592
buddy you need some hard boiled eggs. if you cram 4 of those guys at lunch you can make some seriously stinky sharts all over your beloved by nightfall.

>>6799639
This.
Also cheese.

>>6799592
Eggs, beans, onions and/or plums and you'll turn your home into a methane gas chamber.

Red Onions
Curry

Seconding the boiled eggs also as much cabbage as you can cram in you

Dairy in general tgh

Joyce pls

>>6799592
dark beer brewed from wheat, kimchi, onions, sauerkraut, pumpernickel, eggs

I spent 3 days eating nothing but wonderbread and antibiotics, I was ripping wind from the bacteria killing grounds

>>6799676
* and pork barbecue

>>6799678
Second.

>>6799597
fuckin hugest LOL in recent memory. The chocolate mustache is childs play

home cooked beans are the worst. I eat a lot of beans and I fart constantly.

Muesli works for me. Drink heaps of stout the night before, farts of death.

>>6799592
Let me fuck your wife.

grill here. in b4 everything

anon please do not fart on your wife. she loves you you faggot.

also why do men like to fart on everything and everyone anyway?

>>6799597
tried it on my wife, she freaked out but then started sucking my dick and to this day she asks for pissie wissies whenever we watch a movie

>>6799856
Because it's fun

>>6799856
sign of dominance
its also why we like to hold grils from behind and want them to make eye contact during oral.

>>6799856
i like the smell of my own farts.
If something is smelling good and funny, then why not?
Also why is it that people like their own farts but not others? Is it our own pheromones we think smell good?

>>6799856
i wouldn't expect a womanlet to understand

>>6799657
cabbage !

>>6799856
i do it for the lolz

>>6799867
had a romantic partner from france once ask me to do that

she started by asking if i was hydrated, i told her always. she then told me if my urine was clear she's taste it, she wanted me to piss on my own thigh a little so she could lick it up. she also told me about the french practice of dipping bread into toilets that haven't been flushed after defecating and eating the tainted poo water soaked bread. She called it "soupeurs" or something like that.

sometimes i find myself missing that depraved wench

>>6799896
>soupeurs
mfw i googled it

>>6799592
Beets, especially the leaves.

>>6799856
>also why do men like to fart on everything and everyone anyway?
Only children/manchildren think farting is funny. This guy is literally as mature as a 6 year old.

>>6799856
>she loves you you faggot.
This made me crack up grillanon.

But I do dream of dutch ovening my future wife one day. Would be pretty funny tbh.

>>6799932
I can tell you're a faggot just from reading this post, I bet your leather daddy farts all over you, you cum guzzler

Bump for interest

>>6799592
Broccoli. Lots of raw broccoli.

>>6799592
From another thread, pickled onions and beer.
>Ploughman's Lunch at home, fancy mode
>Rich aged cheeses, gherkins, duck liver pâté, beef terrine, Swedish rye flatbread, rich barleywine by the mug.
>Artisan pickled onions are GOAT, barleywine is kicking in, eat whole jar of onions
>Next morning, pass a rich and meaty stool, black with barleywine
>Bask in the odour of a hideously expensive turd, redolent with the aromas that the rich must be used to
>two hours later, watching TV with the wife
>cuddling under a quilt on the couch
>sneak out a crafty silent fart
>sigh contentedly
>quilt lifts and settles as wife reaches out to scratch our cat behind the ears
>I AM FREEEEE, TREMBLE PUNY MORTALS
>searing, sulphurous, acrid cloud of pickled onion beer fart gusts out
>my eyes start burning
>wallpaper peels
>cat flees room in horror shedding clumps of fur
>wife's face melts like she just cracked the ark of the covenant
>windows take on an unholy yellow tint
>every mucous membrane exposed to my rectal holocaust burns like fire
>fish in aquarium panic as air pump bubbles the world's most evil fart through their environment
>jump out of aquarium, realise there is no escape from the horror, gasp their last
>birds flying past drop from sky trailing smoke
>Hans Blix comes knocking on the off chance someone just cracked a mustard gas bomb in my living room
>Happens every fifteen minutes for eight hours
>UN takes out a binding resolution preventing me from eating artisan pickled onions with barleywine ever again.

>That last part made the wife happy.

>>6799592
I once lived on a slab of beer and half a dozen radar dogs a day, my farts extinguished the will to live in those that encountered them.

For the record, a radar dog is a smoked frankfurt sausage on a roll with gherkin relish, fried onion, tomato sauce and half a jar of hot English mustard.

>>6799856
My wife and I love each other and constantly find new and interesting ways to fart at/on each other, it keeps our marriage fresh and interesting.
No man wants to be with a woman who has weird hang ups about normal bodily processes.
Oh and we award each other bonus points for farts straight into the face, except during oral (that's cheating).

>>6799592
Who the fuck is posting all these garbage threads lately?

>>6799648
Really ANYTHING dairy will do. AND cauliflower, blanched.

>>6800676
OP here
Me

Protein farts

>>6800674
What the fuck

>>6800706
Sounds rhetorical bro

>>6800721
This nigga gets it.

BIG

SMELLY

FARTS

>>6799592
Is this a fetish of yours?

jerusalem artichoke. Your body can't digest the polysaccharides in it so bacteria do.

>>6799592
bananas, broccoli and peanuts or cashews have me quackin like a duck all god damn day.. oh yeah eat a few eggs to get em really smelly

>>6799592
Chocolate milk or chocolate ice cream do me right.

>>6800674
>>6800722
Sounds like a good, healthy marriage to me tbh.

>>6801082
Sounds like a good way to kill the sex drive imo. Farting in front of each other is whatever, but being farted on is what frat bros do. To each their own though

>>6800898
omg this
like demon squirts

Stagger eating calorie-dense/slow-digesting food like bread and beans with light/fast-digesting food like peaches and apples (fruit, really). The fruit will ferment, producing a lot of gas.

Also, try to eat a good amount of garlic somewhere (as raw as possible)

>>6801066
Fuck. I haven't had chocolate milk in ages. Now I'm craving some.

Also eat a lot of hummus OP.

>>6801123
Garlic stuffed olives!

>>6801156
I haven't had those in forever. It's the only stuffing I want in my olive

>>6799592
You're doing well, just add onion, lots and lots of onion. A whole one to yourself if you can

>>6799592
Beer, obviously.

>>6799667
>>/lit/

>>6801262
This tbh.

>>6799592
Greek yogurt works bretty gud for me.

Best thread on /ck/ at the moment tbh.

>>6799592
White castle will make them smell like burnt rubber. If you don't have that nearby then you need greasy onions, a small bit of ground beef, yellow squares, pickles, ketchup, and soft white bread preferably with trans fat (not just mono and diglycerides but p.h. oils as well).

My wife and I fart all the time. Mine can be extremely dank and she'll leave the room. She'll act mad and tell me to fart in bathroom. Next minute she's farting up a storm. She's farted while I was eating her out before. We send each other shit snaps when one of our turds looks funny.

Farts and shits bring relationships closer. Can't think of a time where I've brought up shit stories with someone and it hasn't made us die laughing and have a good time.

>>6801104
>farting kills sex drive
U wot

>>6800898
This right here OP, no other food comes close

>>6799909
me too! this is a amazing.

Was OP successful?!

Why would some mod delete a pee pants pepe ?

CHEDDAR CHEESE BROCCOLI OMELET WITH A 6 PACK OF HARD CIDER AND A PINT OF CHOCOLATE ICECREAM

ENJOY SHITTING LITERAL AIR FOR 16 HOURS

>>6799592
cabbagw

>>6802574
OP here, yep I was able to fart on her a number of times last night, it felt great. When I got home and prepared dinner I had a big whack of Cabbage with it plus everything else I listed in the OP to eat yesterday. Currently posting while doing a shit too

>>6802676
I wondered the same thing. At least we know he did it for free. Here I've uploaded it again

Nothing but Whey Brotein and milk,

Only then will she know true suffering.

will r9k ever leave

>>6799597
Fucking huge kek

>>6800672
That actually sounds really good.

>>6799592
Oatmeal

>>6804143
>Oatmeal
i was about to say the same thing. i eat alot of oatmeal right now to counter my use of opiod pain killers so i can take a shit. i fart all damn day

>>6802777
OP, will you further pursue this endeavor of farting on your wife?
Please let us know the results of the foods posted here.
Smell
Quantity
Wet, dry, silent etc...

What makes the wettest farts?

>>6802777
That is one sweet pee pants pepe.
Thank you for taking the time to upload it again even when some crybabby mod will likely take it down again.
I suspect it was the vegan mod who I also believe now is a bed wetter,

Whenever I get Red Rooster I can't stop farting

>>6801427
Your post was amusing up until
>We send each other shit snaps when one of our turds looks funny.

That's a bit much, anon.

>>6806470
>not sending your spouse shit pics
Do you even love them?

>>6806884
>love
it's like you want to be cucked

>>6806890
the nice thing abiut farting on girls is you can say "I fareted all over that bitch" if they ever cuck you.
Small consolation but better than nothing.

>>6804581
OPs wife must of killed him.

>>6806465
Whist red rooter is good, chicken treat is the master of bbq chicken.

Sorry if you don't live in WA or QLD and have never experienced it. Owned by the same company along with Oporto anyway

Nothing makes rancid farts better than fermented cabbage. Sauerkraut or kimchi, either will do. Follow that up with some hard boiled eggs doused with some hot sauce, or some three bean salad made with kidney beans, chickpeas, and black beans in a vinaigrette with red onion, garlic, and parsley.
You'll be farting up hot storm.

>>6806890
>>6808240
>cuck
Obsessed.

Meow!

Pffft!