/ck/ - Food & Cooking

ITT: things that never happened.
Though I'm almost inclined to believe you. The fact that he fucked off gave it away.

>around 10 years old
>friend and I finish eating our Wendys burgers
>mother instructs us to go wash our hands
>walk into bathroom
>only us and one guy using the toilet
>guy begins moaning and talking
>"oh yeah that feels sooooo good"
>"oh yeah one more time"
>nope the fuck out of there and leave Wendys

>>6676482
>Be at McDonalds in late 90's.
>Go to wash hands.
>Bunch of black kids giggling in the men's room.
>"What's so funny?"
>"Look!" :D ----->
>I look.
>Two pairs of legs in men's room stall.
>Exit restroom.
>Walk back to table where drink still is.
>Fill up cup with soda and ice.
>Walk back to men's room.
>Lob cup over stall wall.
>Take that, George Micheal.
>Run like Hell.

I would get nailed with a felony hate crime if I did this present day. But felt good to be the hero to a bunch of kids.

>be a little shit
>work at some fast food chain
>decide to be extra retarded tonight
>deep fry my hat
>wear it the rest of the night
>get fired
>post my shitty made up stoy on /ck/ like its the shit

>>6676662
Wait, so people were fucking? I'm a bit tired at the moment and don't quite grasp what happened.

>>6676482
Here's one that actually happened:

>Be traveling in Switzerland
>Not much time to eat before catching a train
>Go to Micky D's
>Sit down to eat food
>Gypsy walks into the store
>Comes up to us and starts pestering us with the 3 phrases of English and French she knows
>Grill at the table gives her a handful of coins and tells her to leave
>After gypsy leaves some Swiss guy comes to our table and starts abusing us about how Gypsies make more money from begging than honest hard-working Swiss
>Offer him some coins too but he refuses
>Won't stop yelling at us
>Leave the rest of our food and fucking bail on that shit

>>6676662
>Take that, George Micheal.
>>6676726
>Offer him some coins too but he refuses

>>6676719
that's the implication

>>6676726
2008, Berlin, Alexanderplatz

>A wild Gypsy appeared!
Give Coin.
>A wild Gypsy appeared!
Give Coin.
>A wild Gypsy appeared!
Give Coin.

(A few months later I saw a TV-Report regarding those Beggars. It turns out they signal each other to drain available Funds from generous People. They all use the same or similar mode of Operation (small child, sheet of paper)).

I chose to stop giving them money, after I ran out of coins (and tallied how much I've given them already).

>A wild gypsy appeared: "Please help."
"Sorry I don't understand English".
(You should have seen her look.)

>>6676662
Thanks man, haven't heard Careless Whisper in a long time.

>Travelling China
>in some random Chinese teppanyaki place (it's teppanyaki with chinese food, they copied it)
>some random tibetan guy comes to our table
>starts saying shit we dont understand
>has some weird instrument kinda like a tiny guitar strapped on him
>give him 20 yuan and listen to him sing for us
>literally 30 seconds into the song the police and guards rush into the restaurant
>slam his head onto our table and our food flips and shit
>the Tibetan guy looks at us with the biggest 'please kill me' face ever


It wasn't Tibet, they just really hate that minority.

>>6676482
fuck off frog poster

>>6677439
wow some fucks wear robes around and suck up like richard gere, let's all give a shit about tibet.

Fuck you, I don't give a shit about tibet and haven't heard any reason why I should except for filthy hippie whiney shit and then even they don't know why which is like stupid filthy hippy whiney cunts.

>>6676662
>>Take that, George Micheal.

how did you know they were faggots?

>>6676676
you get less proud every time you tell this

>>6677474
One gets a really good gaydar growing up in NYC.

>>6676489
yeah bitter old dudes like that hang around and make you feel even more uncomfortable

>>6677470
You have some serious issues you need to work out, bro.

>>6676489

Not OP.

I'm from the bay area and shit like this happens constantly. This story is not only completely believable to me, but doesn't even register as anything special to me.

>>6677483
We were here before faggits with their lisping stupid touchy feeling ways. You sholuld consider your faggit ways before you consider why we should consider you and your bullshit.

>>6677486
Do you often like putting gerbils up your ass then claiming freedom for tibet or some other shithole that nobody gives a fuck about?

>>6677486
FREE THE GERBILS you fuckin faggit!

>>6677490
Also from the Bay Area, and can confirm that this story isn't unique. It's why the only people you'll ever find eating in at a McDonalds or Burger King are poor or crazy people.

>late at night after drinking
>decide to get taco bell
>fuck it, use the drive thru
>no one there
>pull up start to order
>>hey we just had someone order 40 tacos and burritos it may be awhile before we can get your order out
>wut
>drive off and around
>pull up to window again
>>welcome to taco bell how can we help you

>>6677518
You're from the bay area, you're all crazy or faggits which is a mental deficiency and therefore crazy too.

>>6676793
You're a real sucker.

>>6677490
yeah that was my first thought. people are crazy everywhere

>>6677523
Speak for yourself homosexual

>>6677470
Dude give us all a break and fuck off back to >>>>/pol/

>>6677511
You are either:
1) Chinese
2) Retarded

Or both. Don't post here again until you get some reading comprehension. It's just a story that literally happened which is relevant to the thread topic.

If I could go back in time to give your mum a coat hanger abortion, I honestly would.

>>6677511

Holy fuck. What are you on?

Are you some Chinese shill who is paid my the Communist Party to post on here or something?

>>6676489
I had a similar experience with a weird old nig at subway, so I believe op.

>>6677507
wat

>>6676482

>my car always smells like weed
>drive up to a drive thru window
>employee quietly says "yo, I like that smell"
>I am stoned and hard of hearing
>don't respond
>louder
>"yo, I like that smell"
>stoned, not entirely sure how to respond
>nod
>yelling
>"YO, I LIKE THAT SMELL"
>gives me food and I drive off

what the fuck do you want me to say. Also, you're at work.

>>6677772
Not McAnon, but don't worry about him. Where I worked, we weren't given a company policy on it(or much of anything for the flagship store of a corporate franchise which was kind of weird) but common sense in the store was just not to fuck with anyone on drugs and treat them like any other customer.

Most of the employees there at least smoked weed. So they'd know how paranoid/zoned out you can be in that situation and just pretended like they didn't notice.

That's just really unprofessional and he's a dumb ass.

>>6677772
Guy probably wanted some. What a scumbag

>>6676482
All sorts of weird motherfuckers will come up to smaller businesses. They think just cause it's a one-store operation that the owners/managers don't want the same kind of privacy that corporate stores would.

One black dude who'd just come in every now and then to play chummy with the boss. He'd show her what he'd bought, offer her weird shit she'd have no reason to want, ask for work, and try and play it off like he wasn't just trying to bum food. Motherfucker would walk right into the kitchen like it was home.

All sorts of people trying to get us to put shit up in the store and windows, or vouch for their shit.

And local, shameless artists peddling really awful paintings. One 55 year old hippy with what I can only describe as glorified finger painting came in and would just not leave my co-worker the fuck alone. He asked stalky questions and tried to get her to go out with him. Tried to sell them to her, too.

Similarly, in small, local pizza chain some friends and I were playing DnD. A girl with full body fake tribal tattoos (face and all) comes in to push her art on whatever poor soul is at the front counter. She sees that we're doing DnD and immediately decides this is permission to spend the next 30 fucking minutes talking about herself to us. Being non-assertive nerds, we let her gush about her lv 19 half-drow, half vampire chaotic neutral ranger. She starts pulling shit out of her bag to try and give us like a crow's feather and a fake looking Japanese scroll. She talks about her ma-san and pa-san and tells us she's a wiccan who can cast spells and read fortunes.

>>6678388

that reminds me of a guy that used to come into the diner I worked at

He would come in in flithy, hole-y overalls, which dirt all over him and talk about how he is running for congress. He talked to me for like 20 minutes one about how I need to work for him. He gave me his number and kept insisting I contact him to work on his campaign for free.

There is one very low traffic road that happens to be on the way to a store I go to a lot that he posts signs on. He's been posting signs for like 3 year and they continue to get wackier and wackier. I wish I'd written some down.

>>6677519
top kek

>Sitting on a park bench eating my lunch break sandwich
>Guy walks up and sits down next to me, lights up a smoke
>He's like 5'4" and wearing full flecktarn, really unkempt hair but doesn't look homeless
>'Hey man you got like two bucks or anything?'
>Sorry, I don't carry change.
>'Oh no it's cool.'
>Moment of silence
>'Any chance you wanna buy a DVD player?'
>Haha no I'm good thanks
>'Oh.'
>Moment of silence
>Entirely unprompted, he begins to explain to me his theory about how WW2 was personally ended by the Queen of England and very little fighting actually occurred, it was all just a big propaganda stunt to solidify Anglo-American world hegemony
>I don't have the heart to tell him there was no Queen during WW2

To this day I have no fucking clue what was going on with this guy.

>>6678388
>And local, shameless artists peddling really awful paintings.

There's a place I sometimes go to that allows this.

they actually put up good paintings, so i can't complain.

>>6679078
Well obviously he was having a nic-fit and wanted to sit while he smoked.

>>6677479
Two pairs of legs wearing adult men's pants. Also, to be extra fucking gross there was a puddle of soap on the floor under them. They'd cranked a bunch from the dispenser as DIY lube.

Not strange so much as please-kill-me-now mortifying:

>Be home from college on break, visiting my father
>One of his drinking buddies comes over (father is a mostly-functional alcoholic)
>Father and drinking buddy drink mass quantities of alcohol and proclaim we should go to this local sushi place I love since it's my first night back from school
>canyoutwoevenwalkthatfar.jpg
>Go to sushi place
>Father and drinking buddy start loudly making comments about the menu: "This sushi looks like cat food!" "Well, they had to do something with it, they put the cat in the gyoza!" etc.
>Yes, they seriously said that, you don't forget something that embarrassing.
>Food arrives, okay, good, they'll be too busy eating to talk.
>Or not, my father starts loudly saying insulting things about the people at the next table.
>Quiets down eventually and starts eating.
>Father's drinking buddy takes like a quarter of my dinner. Which I'm still eating. Then belches.
>Father starts saying shit about his drinking buddy's wife, drinking buddy gets upset and goes to sulk in the bathroom.
>Father starts insulting my mom, saying he wished it was legal to publically beat her.
>Keep in mind he was wasted already and has put away like two bottles of sake at the restaurant so he's been doing all this fucking LOUDLY.
>Errybody staring.
>Eventually get the check and leave.
>Father and drinking buddy trip over nonexistent things on the way out.
>Follow them, waitresses looking at me with pity.

The worst part is that he didn't remember any of this so he wanted to go back the night before I left back to campus.

>>6676492
You've never taken a really good shit before, I take it

>>6679078
>I don't have the heart to tell him there was no Queen during WW2
>there was no Queen during WW2
>no Queen

THEN WHO WAS THRONE?

>>6679869

no

Go to McD at 9 for dinner.
Order Filet of fish meal
$7 what the fuck but pay
Tiny ass fish
Take a few bites and demand refund and get it after arguing for a few mins with manager.
Put ketchup packet under a few chairs so they explode when someone sits and then leave.

>>6679908
You do know you're just punishing random people for no reason? Jjust because you're stupid enough to get fish at McDonalds?

>>6679869
The Hound

> call in order for some chinese food
> go to pick it up
> two black guys are yelling in the back of the store at some employee about chicken
> walk up to pay and wait for food
> ask the guy if they really allow blacks in the store
> tells me he already called the cops
> cops show up about a minute later
> they slowly push the blacks outside
> still loud noises while waiting for food
> get food and head out to my car
> one of the cops slams one of their heads onto his hood
> mfw driving away

>Go to McDonald's for some breakfast
>Place my order to go so I can eat at home
>They mistakenly ring me up as eating in
>I don't notice
>Pay the bill
>They start putting my food on a tray
>Manager sees that I'm in my coat
>Asks "Oh was this to-go?"
>"Yeah."
>"Oh sorry, we'll bag it up for you instead."
>"Okay, thanks."
>"You want your money back? We charged you tax for eating in."
>"Eh, no big deal. It's only like 50 cents. I'm not worried about it."
>"You sure man? We don't even get that money. That goes straight to the government."
>"Nah it's fi-"
>Manager slams his hands on the counter and stares into my eyes
>"...And that nigger gets enough of my money already."
>nervous laughter
>Get my shit and get out
I've gone back to that exact McDonald's for breakfast multiple times since then, and even had my order taken/prepared by that same guy, who now talks to my like we're old friends or something.
Fucking weird, but hilarious.

>>6676482
>things that never happened

>Waiting for my order at a local fried chicken place
>Old guy with dirt all over his face, some scrappy overalls, a baseball cap, and the most digusting beard I've ever seen walks in
>"AYAZOYABA HUARAAA"
>Cashier doesn't know what the fuck he said
>"AH SEZZA DRUMMSTIII ANNA MEAAA REEAA"
>Turns to me
>"AYY SAZZAZA FARRAA YURRARA?"
>"Uh... yeah"
>He laughs and starts shaking my hand
>Cashier puts my order on the counter
>Crazy old guy tries to grab it, apparently think it's his order.
>Cashier has to take it off him to give it to me
>Grab my meal leave

>Sitting in McD
>Gypsy walks in and puts keychains on every table with a note saying "I'm deaf and this is the only way I make money. Please £3 for keychain."
>Staff tell him to leave
>Grabs all his keychains and fucks off

>>6679997
ahahahaha
you have been visited by the Based Romanian Gyppo of Laser Keychains
great lasing efficiency and insane peak power outputs will come to you, but only if you say
> FUCK OFF SMELLY PIKEY CUNT
and punch his face in

>>6679843

I have alcoholic parents and normally have to control situations like that. I don't get why you would have gone with them.

Here's a drunk parent story from when I was like 10 and couldn't keep my mom under control

>best BBQ place in town
>mom super drunk
>almost passing out on table at one point
>orders baby back ribs
>order comes
>"these aren't baby back ribs"
>wtf do you mean
>THESE ARENT BABY BACK RIBS
>complains to waitress
>waitress promises they are baby back ribs
>my mom insists the chef come out
>chef says they are baby back ribs
>mom throws a fit
>says she'll never come back
>accuses them of trying to scam people via ribs

We never went back out of embarrassment. My mom has 1 restaurant she goes to because she has embarrassed herself in every other restaurant.

>>6679927
>ask the guy if they really allow blacks in the store

>at uni
>out on the piss one night, decide to visit McD's on the way home
>friend is a manager there (dropout) so usually get something free with my order
>when I walk in, friend excitedly tells me to hang around for 30 mins, and that my order will take a while
>some guy lost a bet, and ordered 200 cheeseburgers
>paid in cash
>I wait with my nuggers, and lo, the dude shows up
>cheeseburgers have been loaded into 2 black bin bags
>guy leaves, dragging the bin bags with the look of defeat only a man forced to spend $400 on cheeseburgers could sport

most of the time all I got to witness was fights in that McDonalds, and a pack of dudes all shitting in a happy meal box then getting arrested.

>go to local mickey D's with 2 friends
>buy some cheeseburgers
>sit down to eat and chat
>don't notice the homeless guy right behind us
>he's eating a cheeseburger
>also drinking a clear liquid straight out of a bottle of vodka
>this guy is like 6"2 with crazy eyes and a huge beard
>suddenly starts mumbling while staring at my friends
>overhear him saying "I'll armwrestle you"
>he starts fiddling with his Fanny pack
>scared he's going to take out a knife
>does nothing and just keeps mumbling
>have one cheeseburger left, but out of soda so I go get another one
>get back
>old homeless guy eating a cheeseburger
>sit down
>friends jaws at the floor
>giggling as well
>ask what the fuck is up
>they point to my tray
>no cheeseburger
>"dude he just stood up, came over here and said: 'That's my cheeseburger now!' And sat back down!"
>turn around and look at him
>stares at me
>stands up
>says "I'd take you in armwrestling"
>leaves
>mfw
I have more stories from this specific McD, it's retarded but hilarious.

>We're ordering at McDonald's just this Sunday
>Minions come up
>Driver is pretty high
>"Hello, welcome to McDonald's, what can I get you?"
>"NOT A FUCKING MINION THAT'S FOR SURE"
>We try not to laugh, already made peace with the idea of them spitting in our food
>Before we're done the topic turns to confederate flags
>Friend in the backseat yells THE SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN, Driver seat echoes
>Decide I'm not ordering anything
>We wait 20 minutes for two burgers and two orders of fries
>Get to the window to get the order
>Black guy
>He starts talking to us in the most over the top racist black person accent ever
>Hoooooooo-wee here am go yall buggahs an fris hoo chile sho am good!!
>Try not to laugh, about to vomit
>We get the food and drive off
>"They definitely spit in our food."

>>6676662

>>6680585
That black guy sounds really based though

>>6680426
Wonder what he did with that many cheeseburgers. Would be a shame if he trashed them all.

>>6676793
Do you live in a fucking videogame?

>>6677534
No, it's true. There are a ton of crazy people in Portland where I live too.

>>6678388
OH god I used to know a girl like that. She had a fucking opal necklace pendant and said it was some magical stone that only she could touch and that she got it for $9...

>>6680426
200 cheeseburgers at mcdolans should be $200 anon

First off I'm female and it's relevant to the story and why I was a bit taken back by it.

>go to favorite cheap sushi go round place one day
>everything is cool, sushi is good
>older woman comes in, sits next to me
>Starts talking to me so I gotta take my headphones off
>She's asking what I think is good
>Tell her I just like eating sushi
>She's confused but keeps talking to me about the sushi going by
>nodding awkwardly at her, laughing nervously cause I don't know how to get out of situation other than leave and I want to eat sushi...
>Do some really awful small talk about where we live, If I'm on lunch at work, what not
>Starts telling me I'm really beautiful, says I look like a china doll (this is extra creepy cause it's thing kind of thing my grandmother would say to me)
>she says she's full and is gonna leave
>OH THANK JESUS
>so anon, do you want to come with me to this place where people dance for fun?
SHE REALLY SAID IT LIKE THAT SHE WAS THIS WEIRD OLD ASIAN LADY
>Uh, no thanks?? Sorry, I've got to get home???
>She nods and looks sad, pays her bill and leaves

...I think she just wanted to hit on me because I'm also Asian? But I didn't know there were old asian woman lesbians?!

I kind of regret not going out with her... she was from the rich part of town..

>>6680750
This has got to be the most badly written greentext story I've ever read. 10/10 if bait, swallowed it whole.

>>6680787
Yeah, yeah. Everyone lies on the internet.

It really did happen though.

>>6680787
Would it be more believable if I said I was a little fat?

>>6680743
they're $2 where i live.

>>6680831
>>6680835
I'm not saying it's not believable.

What I meant is that that greentext is really badly used and the entire post really is written like a teenage girl craving attention and confirmation just for having a hole between her legs. So, if you're just an anon trying to bait people in, bravo!

>>6678359
he's a scumbag because he wanted weed?
seriously dude?

>Eating with friends at Chinese buffet.
>older man approaches booth
>Its funny you guys are sitting here, you see this is my usual spot.
>"Ah, well we were about to leave..."
>"oh no it's fine! I'll sit somewhere else but can I ask if you'd be interested in seeing something?"
>"uhhhhh"
>"you see I enjoy taking comedic photographs"
>Notice he is holding several large floral photo albums
>"photos...?"
>"yes, photographs of comedic situations. I'll be right back after I use the restroom to show you them."
>bust up out of their real quick before he gets back.
>I mean obviously it was probably all photos of his dick or something.
>forever afterwards regret not staying to see his "comedic photographs".

>>6679843
>be 2011
>have party house
>day drinking with a bunch of buddies
>decide it's a great idea to get chinese food
>drive like 30 minutes to nearest china food place
>all of us are hammered already
>sit down, waitress comes up to take drink order
>my buddy looks her directly in the eye and says "oh herrow! can you drive rexus?"
>waitress loses her shit
>throws us out.
>have to explain to him later why we didn't get chinese food because he was blackout and didn't remember.
good times. good times.

>>6680849
you need more freedom

>>6680858
Not trying to bait anyone. Just wanted to say I had a weird lesbian encounter at a sushi place once.

>>6680426
>at party one night
>everyone's hungry as shit
>McD's is the only place open
>get there 10 minutes before close
>order 20 double cheeseburgers
>"are you fucking serious"
>"yup, got a party to feed."
>silence
>"pull up please
>wait fifteen minutes
>bitch hands me two bags
>slams windows closed, locks them, turns off sign, locks doors
>open the bag
>it's nothing but buns

>>6680943
my state motto is Live Free or Die

>>6678388
>>6678672

Mental illness is unfortunately a terrible thing.

In Hong Kong, there's this lady who sits out in front of US Consulate, looks very respectable and well dressed, and has a shitload of posters declaring that the CIA is developing mind control radars to implant memories into her mind.

They're very well done posters and she's clearly got it together to some degree since I've seen her on and off again for at least five years.

>>6680585
Absolutely reddit tier

>>6680945
He's just busting your balls cause you're a girl and he's low-test

>>6679908
what a horrible person

>>6680750

She probably was pitying you since you were eating alone.

>>6680966
I don't think you know what the CIA is capable of

>>6680750
She was probably just lonely

>>6676482
>Be in Sweden with some friends.

>become hungry, don't speak somali, so we go to the next Burgerking.

>giant fat guy ,with greasy long hair and beard walks in with one of his hands inside his pants. Probably drunk/retarded/both

I'm already giggling while i eat my shitty meal.

>Fat guy gets his order in a bag. Still has his hand in his pocket while he takes the bag.

>walks towards door, takes the hand out of his pants ,grabs burger out of the bag with two hands.

>Pants slip down. he's not wearing any underwear.

>shit is running down his legs.

>he stands there, without pants, eating his burger.

>me and my friends are laughing our asses off.

>hoboking stumbles out and sits down on a bench, with his naked ass to finish his burger.

>>6680750
>I kind of regret not going out with her... she was from the rich part of town.
Ah asians are innately greedy. This is a fine example of that.

>>6681103
As an Asian I find this statement incredibly accurate.
Our cultures guides us, especially our women, to value money over all else. Success and happiness are generally measured by your income and material possessions.
Though that greed does motivate Asians to excel academically due to the deep rooted belief that education=income.

>at indian buffet today with wife and child
>400+lb hamplanet scoping the chicken curries
>stirs the butter chicken mournfully
>mutters "there's not enough chicken in this butter..."

>Go to drive-thru at like 1am
>"Chef Fister" with a heart is drawn on the bag
I guess he was saying I looked gay.

>Last year
>Working at Tim Horton's
>Just started night shift. One person stays to help me until midnight, but after that I'm alone until 5
>Crazy bitch comes in
>Starts mopping the floors in exchange for 2 XL coffees
>Whatever, sure
>She mops the floors
>Give her the coffees
>She won't shut up about working in a factory
>Or working at garage
>12 comes, other employee leaves
>She follows him out
>Lock the doors
>Get on the floor
>Don't walk the dinosaur because the bitch is back screaming that I stole her debit card (reminder she didn't pay for anything, I just didn't want to mop any floors)
>Ignore her
>15 minutes later a car pulls up in the drivethru
>Taking their order
>She appears out of nowhere and starts yelling into the speaker that I stole her debit card
>Car takes off like a bat out of hell
>20 minutes pass
>Can't see her on the cameras
>Another car pulls up
>Successfully take their order
>It's just a coffee so it takes 10 seconds
>Pull up
>Suddenly SHE appears
>Starts babbling more bullshit
>Takes off again
>Apologize to the woman in the car
>"I know her. She should be at the hospital right now. I'll call the RCMP to pick her up."
>She drives off
>I call too because I'm fucking sick of her
>She comes back and pries the fucking window open
>Starts accusing me of trying to blow the Tim Horton's up
>Grab the two parts of the window
>Get ready to slam them on her fucking wrist when she ducks away for the last time
>5 minutes later an RCMP officer shows up
>Asks me to describe her
>"Yeah, we've gotten 4 calls about her tonight.
We've been trying to catch her but she keeps running into the forest"

>>6681039

Going by that logic they should have implanted a memory into her mind that she did a shitload of acid and imagined everything.

>>6683811

Probably had nothing to do with you, it was probably just dumb minimum wage workers playing truth or dare or something to entertain themselves late at night. Probably who ever was next would have gotten that bag.

>>6676482
The weird part is mostly this strange father who used the restaurant as a manliness test.
>be 12
>came back from the Renaissance fair
>decide to try a random Mexican restaurant
>think it's a bad idea 'cause the parking lot is literally empty; outside restaurant décor looks alright (minus the help wanted sign that I only caught afterwards)
>enter
>literally empty, dead flies everywhere, random tabasco and tapatio bottles are missing caps
>thinking of leaving but waitress came to us too quickly and we didn't want to be rude
>we order nachos and burritos
>a father and his son enter the restaurant
>really fucking creepy looking
>they sit down, and the father says in a growly voice, "you see the horrible state this place is in? well, the food's even worse. if you can eat an entire adult-sized dish of burritos, you've proven yourself man enough for huntin'"
>mfw I ordered the burritos
>everything is worse than taco bell
>stop eating when I notice the meat's got a strange color and smell
>get the fuck outta there
>still surprised I didn't get sick
I now know that that meat was in fact rotten. I have no idea if it's still open, but at least the "food" was cheap.

>>6676482
This has been the funniest /ck/ thread I've read in a while. Thank you for making it OP

>"We've been trying to catch her but she keeps running into the forest"

Fucking gold, haha.

>>6679078
Wow, I have not heard that /x/-tier conspiracy theory since I was, like, 9.

>>6679927
>two black guys are yelling in the back of the store at some employee about chicken
>ask the guy if they really allow blacks in the store
topkek, but how are you able to ask that without being lynched?

>>6680454
...Post them...

> Walking through shopping centre
> Turn the corner
> See midget pushing wheelbarrow full of bread rolls
> I smile at him
> He turns to me and says "No croissants today, boss"
> wat

>>6684030
not that guy, but native chinese are often pretty racist themselves.

>>6680945
You should write better to be honest.
First off, what was really annoying (besides your assumption that she was a lesbian. She's old and not used to our shitty standards of love and friendship; you literally said that she probably liked you because you were Asian, something considered racist nowadays) was your use of ??? when it wasn't necessary. That is commonly used by anons mimicking normie writing. (e.g.Back the fuck off????)
So, the lines
>Uh, no thanks?? Sorry, I've got to get home???
and
...I think she just wanted to hit on me because I'm also Asian? But I didn't know there were old asian woman lesbians?!
If you hadn't assumed she was a dyke, you wouldn't have needed to mention your identity, making you look like an attention whore.

>>6680900
>comedic photographs
>cp
It was probably just pictures of cheese pizza.

>>6679908
if i see you doing that you i will punch you

>>6676482
>this is how the old people troll in their natural environment

>having breakfast at a coffee shop with a friend
>just talking, been sitting there for prob an hour or two
>suddenly this indian woman who'd been sitting a couple of tables away from us comes over
>puts her cigarette butt on our table
>"There!! That has my fingerprint on it!"
>my friend and I just stare at her blankly
>she grabs the cigarette again, stubs it out in the ashtray, then puts it back on our table
>"There!"
>Leaves with her small son

Did she think we were observing her? paranoid schizophrenia is weird

>>6684117
Doesn't eveythi look synths se the seas before sitting down in it?

>>6676482
>be teenage me
>waiting tables
>old man and wife at one of my tables
>making small talk about hot summer weather
>wife explains how husband has to work in the heat and drives on Loop 1 (local highway) everyday
>I ask "what do you do for a living?"
>"I'M A TRUCK DRIVER!!!" extremely angry and yelling all the sudden
>"HE'S A TRUCK DRIVER!!!" screams the wife

It was really weird how they started yelling at me, as if I was supposed to deduce his occupation from the information they provided that he "drives on Loop 1 everyday". Hundreds of thousands of people drive that road every day. Fucking old faggot. Go be unpleasant somewhere else gramps. Just because you're old doesn't mean you have permission to be a jackass

>>6680750

>>6684246
what the fuck am i reading

>>6676482
>bartending at german style hofbrau house that's been in the same location since the 60s
>clientele is mostly old people that have been coming there for decades for the cheap comfort food and camaraderie
>woman comes up to me at the bar with a turkey dinner plate (turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy)
>tells me to blend it for her
>wat
>becomes aggressive, "you have to blend this for me. I paid for it. you have to"
>she points to presumably her husband who is in his 80s or older, in a wheelchair, at this point handicapped to the point where I realize I am blending this so she can feed it to him through a tube or something
>dump the plate of food into our blender and blend the shit out of it. hand the blender full of turkey-potatoes back to her.
>no more blended margaritas today

>>6686422
I think it's saying
>"doesn't everyone look at their seats before sitting down on it?"

>>6686537
You're good at reading autism.

Happened to a friend, not to me.
>go into popeyes to order food and use the shitter
>order
>ask for the bathroom
>worker says "go ahead:
>i go
>door is locked
>head back
>old lady who was behind in line says something as she hands over the key
>"you won't get raped with this!"
>not sure of what was just said
>ask for clarity
>"w-wat?"
>"i said 'you won't get raped with this!'"
>"o-okay."

At first, I didn't believe the story, but then we saw the woman he was talking about one day and he pointed her out to me. I know her from the area. She once asked me and my roommate if we were "chai knee" and if we could talk to "dem chai knees down the corner" for her because she thought they shortchanged her order.
I guess singular is "Chinee" and plural is "Chinese" to her. And bathroom keys prevent rape.

I just imagine the old man from Zelda 1 handing over the key to Link saying
>YOU'LL GET RAPED IF YOU GO ALONE TAKE THIS

>>6680895

while he was at work, from some random dude picking up his food?

yeah

>>6677470
>chinaman spotted

>>6686736
This.
Do you take care of retards as a job/are you a janitor on 4chinz >>6686537 ?

>>6680454
I don't care if its Mcdonalds or a 5 stat restaurant if anyone touched my food I'd lose my shit.

>>6684076
I believe he was telling you that on that particular day they were not offering croissants in the shopping center.

>>6680957
Well your whole state should be dead then, cause $2 burgers isn't living free.

>Be young adult waiting tables
>Carrying two heavy metal drink pitchers to do refills in my section
>get to table with elderly couple
>old man gives me a funny smile and says "would you be offended if I said those were nice jugs?"
>WAT. YES.
>play it off and just awkwardly laugh while his wife glares at him "hahaha, the pitchers? yeah, they're very nice PITCHERS."
>go back a few minutes later with their food and he suddenly looks very upset and starts apologizing to me about the joke and saying he didn't mean it while his wife is still staring daggers at him

I also had this weird old guy from some northern state get really really excited asking me if I was a "Florida cracker" because he was just so darn excited to "meet a real Florida cracker!". I have never heard anyone call themselves that before and didn't know what he meant so I got really uncomfortable about it.

>>6687318
Good one

>>6687327
You are hypersensitive

>>6680947

That is a bit of dick move; I try to avoid places that are shutting in half an hour and that's usually just an order for one or two. When I worked at McD's our manager would have a go art us if we worked any over time (even a few minutes).

>>6676726
This is why I fucking love the Swiss. They stand on principle, man! They don't care if they're more annoying than the Gypsies they bitch about, because that's not what's important to them.

>>6678672
Don't be a pussy anon - go work with him on your days off. See how far that rabbit hole goes.

>>6683936
I wish we had more stories about her adventures.

>>6676482
>26
>in L.A for vacation
>long trip
>hungry as fuck
>head to hotel
>see popeye's near by the hotel
>put my shit in hotel room, and walk to popeye's
>go in line, homeless dude in front of me
>homeless dude order food, doesn't have enough money to pay
>felt bad for him, offered to pay his meal
>homeless dude look at me, thanks me, extend his hand to shake
> extend my hand to shake him, notice his skin on the palm is literally peeling off scabs
>my brain goes fuck it shake his hand.
>order food, head to bathroom, it's locked.
>wait by the door nervously thinking WTF did i do
>qt 7/10 comes to me and say how nice i was paying for the homeless bla bla bla
>smile to her, bathroom door opens go in wash my hands like there is no tomorrow
>go out of the bathroom, head to the counter to get my food.
>sit on table start eating
>homeless dude sets on the next table, and talks about how his first son was an accident.
>he said he fucked a bitch under some fucking bridge in L.A
>see him eating chicken with his hands, and saw a big crust of his own skin scab on his food
>gave homeless dude my tray, and told him I am full you can have my food.
>mfw I couldn't eat anything the whole day

>>6687327
Well, was he right? Do you have nice jugs or not?

>>6684060
>>6687267
second story

>Go to same McD's with one of the friends from the hobo story
>we're now calling thsi the McDrugs
>apparently this is what dad used to call it in his youth as well
>get food
>sit down to eat
>talk about life in general
>suddenly
>crazy nigger lady sits next to us
>she's nice and young though so no harm
>starts talking about how smart we sound
>wondering where this is going
>she starts talking about life
>ok, we join in
>after a while she starts leading the conversation towards jesus
>turns out she wants to recruit us for christianity
>we keep talking just to see what will happen
>suddenly her older brother comes out of nowhere
>has an over the top african accent and extremely flamboyant body language
>flailing his arms about
>"AN DEN JEESUS SHOD ME DE LIGHT"
>"AN JESUS HE SIT IN HERE"
>pats his chest
>to demonstrate jesus he takes a napkin and puts it in his shirt over his heart
>he does this several imes with 5 different napkins
>suddenly my friend starts laughing
>they wonder why
>he just gives them some bullshit explanation about how it was really nice but strange to have this conversation
>we get out of the mickey D's
>ask him why he was laughing so hard
>"Dude...
>...I'm pretty sure that nigger just wanted to steal our napkins"
>mfw

>>6684076
I miss old /r9k/...

Oh god I just remembered this from my days in middleschool
>on a field trip to NYC for the wax museum or some shit
>we stop at Burger King because the kids are getting annoying
> I go to use the bathroom
>some kid named Patrick is taking a shit in the urinal
>decide to fuck with him
>"hey the employees know you're doing that they're coming in now"
>he freaks out and grabs the turd with his bare hand
>throws it in the toilet
>"dude what the fuck I was kidding"
>he grabs the turd back out of the toilet and places is back in the urinal
>he just looks at me for a second and goes "wait that wasn't my turd"


He wasn't even retarded

>>6679927
>ask the guy if they really allow blacks in the store

>>6677478
Mice comment

>>6687318
Laws of competition.

>>6680426
>sexts

>>6687520
>I try to avoid places that are shutting in half an hour
Any place should serve you up to the minute before they close or set earlier closing hours. If I was >>6680947, I would've taken pictures, sent them to corporate, and enjoyed my free extras while the angry bitch looked for a new job.

>>6687155
Yes. I deal with special needs people every day.

>>6687987
posting here will do that

>>6687926
I would've complained and toll pics for sure.

eat some ass

>be at mcdonalds
>wierd guy comes in
>goes to the alcohol gel dispensers
>carrying a bag with some heavybox inside
>starts bathng with the gel
>literally fills his hands with it and spreads it all around his ody while remaining clothed
>comes near me and tells me its finally happening tonight
>i walked the fuck out, i legit thought he was carrying a bomb

>>6687610
>>sit on table start eating
>>homeless dude sets on the next table,

Now I'm picturing you just sitting on top of a table, presumably with legs crossed, watching this homeless guy starting attacking a table.

>>6687807

>>6687807
lost

last night i was drunk as hell and went to mcds and ordered a breakfast meal w coffee. they give me the coffee and i decide i really need a cig with this coffee so i pull over and smoke and then im like... wait i am really fucking hungry so i go in and the manager recognizes me and gives me my food and shes like uhhh.. it might be cold and wanted to replaxe ut but i was so drunk i didnt care. it was delicious

also i work at wendys and like five chicks got into a fat girl hood brawl in the drive thru last week and my manager got punched in the face

also when i worked at mcds we had some old homeless guy in a wheelchair who would roll up to all the females sitting down and pull his old floppy dick out. he was in the bathroom past closing time, cops came in and escorted him out. fucker picked the lock somehow and we had to chain padlock the doors shut and he kept slamming his wheelchair into the doors for like an hour.

>>6676482
>bout 4 years ago
>brother wants burger king
>decide to go with him since its close by anyway
>old man and his wife approach us while we're eating
>"excuse me are you boys attending school right now?"
>yeah we go to x high school
>"oh that's wonderful! What do you plan on becoming once you graduate?"
>proceed to tell him about our considerations
>gives each of us $10
>insist that its not necessary and I couldn't possibly take money from him
>he counters and says he wont take no for an answer
>give in and take the money, genuinely thank him
>he leaves soon after and tells us to have a great day

I don't know why he gave us money or why he even bothered to talk to two kids at burger king, but god bless him, never had a stranger be kind to me before or since then

I hope they're alright

>>6676793
is this guy a regular or something? Is there really somebody this autistic out there?

>>6677470
so hows it feel being a chinaman you chinaman oogie boogie

>>6679843

im really sorry, your father has a serious problem and it stinks that you get dragged into it. try to just take care of yourself.

>with dad and sisters at all u can eat fish and chips
>dad shares the all u can eat food with us
>waiter notices
>says dad cant order anymore food cause he was sharing


AYCE it gross anyways. no resto should do it.

>>6680585
you and your friends sound like you should stay on reddit

>>6680900
>at a convention a couple weeks ago
>sitting at a table with friends, eating
>have an owl tattoo on my thigh
>guy walks up, compliments my tattoo
>say thanks
>"i think that's a great area for a tattoo"
>"yeah, thanks, i think so too"
>"on my website i have some pictures of women with tattoos like that, pulling up their dress and flashing them"
>pretty shocked, say "oh, okay. cool"
>says "yeah, it's real sexy.." and then just walks off

wat.jpg

>>6681112
what a horrible society

then again we're all like that

Chinese niggas just don't hide it

>>6676482
>>6676489
I live in Ohio and some guy started pounding on my table doing a drum rhythm and asking if I know where you can get Vicodin/Percocets.

>>6687327
you sound like a shit waittress

>>6676492
What is

Craigslist blowjob

>>6676482
>go to KFC with mother in Madison
>just talking about stuff
>random black guy comes and sits next to us
>starts talking to me about respecting my mother
>mother looks rightfully uncomfortable
>this goes on for about 15 minutes
>mfw

>>6687327
The point is that it was a joke. He wasn't talking about your breasts, he was literally talking about the jugs. It was a pun, not a sexual assault. Stop being so hypersensitive, it's people like you that give feminists a bad name.

>>6691548
They probably have estranged (or dead) grandchildren. That's such a sad story.

I'm not trying to seem weird or anything, but I spent 13-18 in a judo dojo with roid monsters, or just dudes that didn't care.

It was extremely calm but they went batshit over bad meals. If it wasn't fresh man....

Even the women would get mad.

Probably because they paid fees out of the same restaurants. Made sense that they were screwed when that dojo started working on the other side of town.

>>6691731
Did he rip the skin?

>>6691548
No that was secret pedo speak. They were trying to buy your brother for the night. The correct answering to him when he gave the money was "I am sure there is more were that came from"

>>6691747
>>6691810
Ah 4chins, never change

>>6677490
jesus christ nigga stop eating at the McDonalds on Haight ffs

>>6686537
But the original guy meant he puts the ketchups underneath the feet of the chairs

Not that fun but

>be at buffet
>manager asks me to leave, says I've been there for too long
>refuse, say I'm still hungry
>he just stands there for a minute and looks at me while I eat before walking away
>make a huge mess on purpose and never come back

>>6691876
Asian buffet? As long as you're not staying between lunch into dinner hours it shouldn't matter.

>buffet that doesn't have soda/beverages dispenser accesible to customers

Fuck those places

>>6676662
>Be closeted homosexual
>See someone living out my gay dreams
>Turn into jealous fatty and splash them with ice

It was probably a guy with a disabled adult son he was helping you fucking spaz

>>6691899
Kind of a pizza buffet

Pizza slices, fries, fried chicken etc

I drink water because they charge a lot for drinks and no refills

>>6678351
>common sense in the store was just not to fuck with anyone on drugs
Thankfully. Can't tell you how many times I've "woken up" eating a taco or some nuggies and have no recollection of going out for fast food.

>>6687327
pitchers or gtfo

>>6691744
They're not hypersensitive for finding it awkward, it was a shitty joke. Fuck back off to /r9k/

>>6683938
Hey, nobody's perfect

>>6676793
>ever believing them

>gypsy comes up to me with weird little book
>has photo of some child in there
>"Help help money surgery for daughter"
>nah
>walk away
>couple hundred meters later, another gypsy comes up to me
>has a weird small book
>"Help help money surgery for daughter"
>photo is of the same kid
>started laughing and walked away

They're just pawns in some criminal organisation

>>6692485
i hate gypsies.

Europe is bad enough, but with all the gypsies, it's almost third world.

>>6692363
Not a shitty joke, but potentially awkward with a female you don't know. Would have played much better with a cis male server/busser.

>>6680750
>go to favorite cheap sushi go round place one day
>Starts talking to me so I gotta take my headphones off

>wearing headphones in a restaurant

Never learned anything about manners and proper behavior?

when I was younger I had a shitty step dad that kept quitting/getting fired from jobs and on his last day of Burger King he told us he pissed in the pickle jar and left.

>>6680750
LONDON
O
N
D
O
N

>>6679943
Fucking kek

If I lived in America I would have been like yeah fuck that nigger guy! Ha ha ..
If you insist kind maccas manager man

Also then you would probably be able to get free some free stuff, maybe?

TIL /ck/ can't handle non-conformists

>>6679997
Haha this happened to me in Bosnia but he was white and was asking for 2 marks which is fuck all anyway for me and we had a choice of a fan or a soft duck Keychain

>>6680750
also this is retarded and i am 99% sure I have read this before

>>6681090
>Be in Sweden with some friends.
>become hungry, don't speak somali, so we go to the next Burgerking.


Top kek though kind of feel bad he has serious mental problems

>>6682419
>All I can imagine is the woman slowly stirring it to the music of 'Moonlight Sonata'. A single tear rolling down her rolls as she laments the paltry amounts of poultry.

Damn it, anon. It got my sides good for reasons I don't know why.

>>6692573
Typical Oceanian hijinks

>>6687806

Goddamn yes. I still go there in hopes of the odd thread that still has at least a bit of the spirit of old /r9k/. Fuck what it has become.

>>6691787
the chicken skins

>>6676793
The Gypsy menace is spreading.

I've never seen a Gypsy until a couple years ago in Los Angeles. Now I see them a couple times a month.

>>6692506
I went to Germany and Austria on a family trip last November, and one of our tour guides broke away from the subject and just started on this huge tangent about the Gypsies, She wanted to make it super clear that they should not be given any money and that they were dirty beggars who contributed nothing to society and made the town look bad, and that she's sad they had to leave the poverty of their homes but there are too many and they aren't trying to make a life for themselves. She got pretty heated about it because we were in a church and there were several outside trying to hassle tourists for Euros.

>>6679943
>Manager slams his hands on the counter and stares into my eyes
>"...And that nigger gets enough of my money already."

top fucking kek, i would've lost my shit pretty hard.

>>6687327

Your skin is paper-thin and you don't have any kind of humor

>>6687346
>>6691603
>>6691744
>>6692752
Are you guys just baiting me? I said I laughed it off because I know he was just trying to make a joke but it was an awkward one. His wife took more offense to it than me I just thought it was weird.

>>6692743
their average IQ is 70
literally retards

>>6679943
legitimately based.

>>6692762
Most people who would experience the same situation wouldn't even register it. It wouldn't even commit to memory. The fact you remember it proves you are a hypersensitive push-feel.

>>6692762
>I have never heard anyone call themselves that before and didn't know what he meant so I got really uncomfortable about it.

>"Guys, like, really, I'm not hypersensitive or anything"

>>6691750
is this supposed to be a movie reference or something

>>6692535
Your mom hooked up with a grown man who worked at BK... oh wait step dad, as in she actually married him ?
Classy.

>>6692809
Like you wouldn't get uncomfortable if some old white guy was loudly excitingly calling you a cracker in a crowded restaurant?

>>6692969
>taking offense to cracker

>>6680426
Being a dropout doesn't explain being a manager at McDonald's, I dropped out of high school, got my GED, and now I'm an organic chemist

>>6692969

So I take it you've never been actually insulted in your life so you take offense in something like "cracker". Just accept it, you're really hella sensitive and I wonder if you cry yourself to sleep every time you've been on 4chan

>>6693016
I bet you would like to chemically school my organ

>>6693043
No but I can make drugs really easily

>>6693035
Why do you keep using the word "offense" when I said "uncomfortable"? I wonder if you feel accomplished every time you raise a fuss on 4chan because "hurr durr I'm showing those feminazis!".

>>6693052
I like you.

>>6691526
>driving when you're that drunk

>>6693103

I don't know man you just sound like a whiny little girl that wants the world handed to her and can't handle anything but the highest praise

>>6687926

This is what people who have never worked in service say. No one would get fired for this, the STL might get a stern talking to but that's about it. And no, you shouldn't order shit that forces them to stay open after hours. Basic decency.

The worst thing that ever happened to me was this mute guy who would come into the Chipotle I worked for at the time and hand out pamphlets about finding Jesus. He'd come in at least once every two weeks and always got chased out seconds after being discovered, but he kept coming back.

>>6676662
>But felt good to be the hero to a bunch of kids.
How are you a hero? its not like the kids where traumatized they sounded amused that a couple f guys where possibly fucking in the bathroom.

There was this worker at a sandwich shop on my campus. Every customer interaction went like this

>"Hi, what would you like?"
>.....
>"Can I help you?"
>....
>"Can I HELP you?"
>.....
>"You"
> *looks around* me?
>"Yes you."
>*looks around again, forgets what they wanted to order because of their total confusion*
>t-turkey

he had this thing where his eyes were really out of whack, and his head and eyes were turned like 45 degrees to the right of whoever he was talking to.

>>6694171
Are you sure he wasn't an owl in disguise?

>golden_corral.txt

>>6694420
So what are some reasons that place is shit? I know it's shit for a lot of reasons, but can't remember offhand

>>6694433

disgusting customers, shit food, horror stories abound regarding ridiculously unsanitary prep practices

>>6694526
>horror stories abound regarding ridiculously unsanitary prep practices
More on this?

>>6694420
>>6694433
>>6694526
>>6694535
http://www.pjwnex.us/media/text/Golden_Corral.txt

>>6694535


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKXrL5syc_s

>>6694568
>>6694570
Thanks

>>6694570


holy FUCK

that is terrifying

This thread reminded me of Waiting, it's basically "that restaurant" stories

I just got reminded of the time i went to some place when i was a little kid, think it was called a Shony's or something.

The bun for a burger was actually rock hard and i think i nearly lost a baby tooth to it

>>6687807
How the fuck do we make this a top Gold Tier Post?!!
Literally the funniest thing I have ever read in ALL of 4 Chan ever. Many thanks for making me crack up like I hadn't in a long time.

>>6692633
I love you nigger president lover

>>6687801
kek

>>6680750

>SHE REALLY SAID IT LIKE THAT SHE WAS THIS WEIRD OLD ASIAN LADY

>>6692974

>>6680750
>First off I'm female

ATTENTION WHORE FEMNAZI

this is why we can't have nice things

>>6676489
McDonald's is where old people go to talk and shoot the shade and shit. It seems bizarre to you but in their alzheimer's addled minds it makes sense.

I used to go to McDonald's to drink coffee sometimes and there was always a pack of geezers just hanging out. At first I would think maybe they're just old friends or something but after awhile I kind of started to slowly realize that they probably just wander in an hang out with any other old people they see there. And yeah, I've experienced the exact same thing as OP, just sitting there, drinking coffee, reading, and some old guy sat down in the booth across from me and just started talking.

Honestly, if I wasn't so awkward, I would probably try to go there and talk to those old guys sometimes, because you know you can benefit from their experience and some of them are pretty red pilled and its hard to find people who are red pilled to talk to.

>>6682419
Oh shit that reminded me

>eating at chinese buffet
>loud as fuck crash everybody looks up
>fucking kid dropped his plate full of food and it shattered into a million pieces
>chink lady working there comes out sees it and yells in her nastiest chinkiest voice something awful in her unintelligible chink babble
>looks down at the kind and in a suddenly calm and sweet voice says in english 'is ok, we can clean up, you get new plate ok'
>everybody goes back to eating

>>6694568
Thank you for that