/ck/ - Food & Cooking

Why dont you get normal bread then?

drape a slice over your dick for idk what reason

>>6513272
No, just fuck the bread. Just put a whole lot of butter in that hole and fuck it.

It's an error on the part of the bakery. I'll bet if you took it back, you'd get a new, fresh loaf.

they baked carrying handles into each individual slice you ungrateful fuck

>>6513287
Kek!

>>6513256
>buy defective product
>don't have it replaced
You deserve it

>>6513256
>If this were the Middle Ages people would get their heads chopped off for this.

*Middle East

You should've known that's how them types of breads are before buying them

it's your own fault for buying a product you don't like.

it's like me buying a strawberry ice cream and then bitching about how I don't like strawberry.

>>6513589
you're a faggot if you don't like strawberry.

>>6513598

I do though

It was just a hypothetical example

I've had the same problem. Sometimes if I buy Italian or French loaves from the store it will have huge air pockets. If its on one or two slices I just use those for toast or for croutons for salads. If its on more than that I'll take it back to the bakery. Most of the time the managers are understanding and will let me get a different loaf.

Its not that big of a deal, just a little annoying.

How does having holes in bread make it "artisan"?

I can't fucking understand hipsters and their weird food preferences.

>>6513615
and you're still a hypothetical faggot.

>>6513556
They are closed until
Tuesday I'll go then and complain. Only because I worked the euovtlfbg of 15 mins for that bread

>>6514034

No. It means they didn't kneed it properly - which means they made it quickly and isn't artisan at all.

>>6513589
No it's not, that's a retarded fucking analogy. He had no clue there would be a big ass retarded hole in his bread.

>>6514034
It doesn't. You're an idiot.

>>6513589
The bread was left for too long before baking. It's a defect.

>>6514052
It's organic and made with spelt and a bunch of other shit could mess with final product perhaps.

>>6513556
Actually, bakers who fucked up got chained to a wagon and were dragged through the streets in Medieval Europe. They took their bread pretty seriously.

>>6513556
Nah they fucked up bakers in the Middle ages who screwed the public. It's why we have a baker's dozen; bakers added an extra egg to recipes so there would be no doubt they weren't sewing customers with less egg in the product.

>>6513256
That isn't really corner cutting, just a bread defect that can happen.

>>6514188
This is probably the 10th loaf i've bought from them that had these holes and i'm at my wits end and should say something. I would have a long time ago if it wasn't the best tasting bread i've ever had.

>>6514153
>>6514136
From german Wikipedia, there's also this:
>"Backerschupfen" or "Baker Baptism" was a medieval form of punishment for bakers who made bread of insufficient weight or inferior quality.

>Such punishment was often celebrated by the people as a kind of folk festival, in which the baker was publicly pilloried. The guilty baker was put in a basket (Schupfe, Prelle) and put under water or into rubbish several times, in addition he was pelted with stones and humiliated by those present.

In other food-related news, they also beat up vegetarians back then, since vegetarianism was seen as a sin (denying to eat what God gave you, ie. meat).

I wish those times would come back. I really do.

>>6514195
Oh, well in that case they're consistently doing something wrong. Not in a severe way but something in the shaping or the baking method that's making the oven spring go weirdly. This is called "flying crust" and you should have said something like 5 loaves ago. I bet your baker will appreciate having it brought up if he gives half a shit about his bread.

>>6514240

People are such assholes.

I bet some random douchenozzle was like "Hey lets fuck with the baker....HEY EVERYBODY THIS BREAD IS TOO LIGHT...BAKERSCHUPFEN!" and all the fucking cunts in the village fuck up the baker.

The baker gets pelted with stones, one hits him in the eye and he is blind in one eye for life, and later stumbles and breaks his leg and dies, and all 5 of his children starve to death.

>>6514240
oh yeah, sounds like a great time to be alive

>>6514280
Hey thanks for that information. It's a smaller bakery that's somewhat newish but they have amazing goods. All of the workers there seem to be young women so many they are experience enough yet or something. I will mention something next time as I talk with the owner often.

>>6513589
>>6513598
>>6513615
>>6514037
This was really, really good. Thank you very much.

>>6514153
"Baker's Dozen" refers to the number of baked goods given, not the number of eggs used in a recipe... If someone ordered a dozen rolls, for example, they would be given 13 so the baker could be assured the product was over the minimum weight.

>>6513256
Bread was srs busniess.

>>6514283
That's why you have baker's dozens. ;)

>>6513256

>artisan bread
>spends 7$ on fucking bread

You deserve it.

>>6514374
>hurr you deserve it
>takes bite out of HFCS wonder bread

>>6514376

You're implying a lot of things, Mr. Implicator.

>>6514374
I occasionally spend that on a large olive loaf.

It's fucking magical and you're a prick if you don't see the difference between real bread and a grocery-store brand bleached pullman loaf.

>>6513256
had this happen w/ trader joe's bread. huge hole smack in the middle. only a few slices at the ends of the loaf were usable.

was only like $3 tho

>>6513256

here ya go
problem solved
nobody hurt

holes in bread are why bakers dozens exist, by the way- bakers would include an extra roll or extra slices to make sure their loaf 'weighed up' so they couldn't be fined

OP did you look at that loaf before you bought it? you could probably complain about it either way

>>6514462
i didnt read the thread

>>6514462
No i didn't have X-ray vision to view bread interiors.

>>6513256
>artisan
>presliced

>>6513256
>paying $7 for presliced "artisan" bread
>paying $7 for bread
>not baking your own bread

>>6514505
I don't have an oven in my dormitory.

>>6514470

Squeeze it you retard. I squeeze every loaf

>>6514505

>not growing your own wheat
>not pumping your own water
>not sustaining your yeast
>not mining your own iron for pans
>not using a coaster

pathetic

>>6514601
>picturing anon squeezing every loaf in the store leaving heavy imprints that don't go back, ruining them all
>finally kicked out
>he yells i was checking the insides for emptiness

>>6514623

>this

>>6514616
>>not using a coaster

I see what you did there

if this were the middle ages, you would probably be a serf, eat alot of pottage and be dead by 40 as would I.a.serf. We take reading for granted.back then, weary few could read

>>6514623

You really can't fathom the difference between crushing it in your hand and a gentle poke?

>>6514652
The 40 year old thing is actually a misinterpretation. That was the life expectancy, but dying as a baby/kid was all the rage. If you made it to adulthood, you could reasonably expect to live to you 50s or 60s. Also since everyone was a farmer, low seasons=getting fucked up having major orgies and partying it up in the communal baths

Middle ages get a bad rap

>>6513256
this happens to me literally all the time, i didnt know it was something that wasn't supposed to happen tbh

>>6514376
I buy organic bread made in a neighboring state from my local supermarket. No shit ingredients, under $5 a loaf, and the best bread I've had in the 3 States I've lived in.

>>6514286
Even with experience, it can be hard to diagnose what causes flying crust. It's the sort of thing that if you do everything right, it probably won't happen, but if it does, there's not an obvious solution. Maybe they just shape the loaves too loosely producing big air pockets, but that's not necessarily so.

>>6513256
Artisan just means expensive/low production value now.

I got this in some bread and I returned it, he gave me store credit and I bought another loaf, it was fine.

>bread captcha

>>6513256
it's sold by weight, then and now, ya dingus.

>Not baking your own bread
Seriously it takes like ten minutes tops and only costs you pennies per loaf.

>>6515845
Yes, it takes every person on earth under 10 minutes to make bread.

Some people just don't want to, regardless of how easy it is. Some people want to spend their time doing other things. You may have a penchant for baking and making your own shit, but your lifestyle isn't tailored to everyone.
>but it's so easy, you're just lazy
OK, why don't you make your own soap? it's easy
why don't you make your own goat's milk? it's easy
why don't you make your own computers? it's easy

>>6513256
>If this were the Middle Ages people would get their heads chopped off for this
I dunno why but this made me lol

>>6514376
I buy organic bread at $5 a loaf. Fight me.

>>6516180
you still paid too much.

>>6516180
I buy regular store brand bread and have $4.15 more money left over to buy a pint of vodka. Have fun with your fancy organic bread when your too sober to even enjoy a sandwich properly fucking pleb

>>6515894
He's really not even joking. The whole bakers dozen thing has a dark past. Unless it's a myth

>>6515861
Three of those things ARE easy, and people can make a living off of producing those things. When the quality of a product is perceived as more intrinsically valuable then the convenience of purchasing it pre-made, people will make it themselves. At a certain point, the ease of purchase ceases to be the primary factor, and laziness (or ignorance) takes its place.

The fact that making bread is diabolically simple, cheaper than purchasing it pre-made by an order of magnitude, and creates a product that is leaps and bounds better than 90% of what you can purchase in a grocery simply destroys your argument. Not to eliminate entirely the convenience of buying a loaf at a store; but it does so enough that anyone with a rudimentary grasp of baking can dump the ingredients into a bread maker, press a button, and walk away for three hours, ought to be doing so.

I feel bad for people like you, who have probably never walked into a home that smelled of freshly baking bread, or cut themselves the first still-warm slice. It's laziness that denies you these joys, not the ease of buying it baked by someone else.

quit buying it. a large name brand was 3 bucks a loaf, holes. switched to store brand(ok food lion not schillimg) honey wheat<1.50 a loaf. I am no baker but I think thatI(holes) comes frome baking too early. slammed. I guess, and like anything else some wad said "speed it up" Don't care if they drop the price, won't return.Bread is pretty .important"My lady, the peasants starve for lack of bread let them eat cake.Slice, and not speaking of bread or cake.

>$7 loaf of bread
you asked for it, you cali hipster dumbfuck

>>6516515
>pleb and proud

>>6514153
Actually, the term bakers dozen originated because bakers are a bunch of liars and cheats, and when you asked for a dozen of something they would give you 13 and then jew you out of more money.

>>6514856
>low seasons=getting fucked up having major orgies and partying it up in the communal baths
>not collecting acorns for your pigs
>not mending your tools
>not fixing fences
>not carting manure and marl
>not picking up odd jobs in between so you can maybe afford to replace the ox you lost to sickness last year

>>6516277
>cut themselves the first still-warm slice
This is how I know you're talking out of your ass.

That said, baking bread is as easy as combining ingredients, fermenting for 12+ hours, forming, proofing for 2 hours and baking for 45 minutes.

>>6514284
that must be worse than burning to death