/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>6282762
#3
also if you are drunk enough not to remember shit, I don't think you'll remember #2 or #4 happening either.

I did shit my pants once. I was out all night, don't remember how I got home, but I do remember pissing myself just before I got in the door, removing my pants, and then sitting at my desk drinking a beer when it happened. I must have been unconsciously trying to hold it up until that time because it took me totally by surprise. I jumped up and tried to make it to the bathroom but it was too late. I had shit myself, and was still shitting a steady stream all the way to the bathroom. Tried to clean up what I could but I was fucking blackout drunk. I woke up at like 5 in the afternoon the next day and my apartment stank. There was shit everywhere. In the carpet all the way to the bathroom. Smeared/flecked all over the walls. My ass was a fucking firehose that night. I swore that day as I was scrubbing the brown out of the carpet that I would never get that shitfaced again. A month later I blacked out again and my friend told me he was afraid of me. I have no fucking clue what happened, and was too afraid to ask.

My first time alone in Russia when I was 18, I drank .5 L of vodka in ~3 hours. I have vague snippets of memory of puking and passing out face down in bed. Woke up next day around noon with my mouth dry as hell, hungover but safe and fine.

Welcome to /lwg/, lightweight general.

>>6282820

Welcome to /youshouldlosesomeweight/

>>6282820
keke

>>6282820
You know how I know you're not an experienced drinker?

>>6282762
College house party a back in December, I remember 10 shots of Fireball, 3 shots of Kraken. At this point it gets hazy but according to my friends I apparently I had a shot of Lux Vodka and a shot of Captain Morgan then collapsed on the floor, pissed on the front porch, I smoked some cigarettes and sobered up a little so I kinda recall the rest. We somehow made it about halfway to my dorm before somehow winding up in a dudes basement and smoking a couple bowls, after that I collapsed again, tried to go into a completely different dorm, walked in on my roommate banging some chick, shrugged and passed out. Was totally fine the next morning

boyfriend and i went on a bad bender after my 22nd birthday....started with festivites and as it turned out we went through like four bottles of bacardi, 2 bottles of vodka and a 2 pack of beer in 24 hours plus a bunch of jello shots.

though it was fun. i don't remember blacking out but i do remember passing out on my balcony and burning a hole through my pants with a cig. never done anything nasty because my body metabolizes alcohol quickly so does his. i do remember going to a party with him and he pissed all over their front porch thinking it was...somewhere....to piss? not sure. he cleaned it up and hosed the porch down though. we get really really smashed when we go out but in the end both end up being respectable. second time was when i bought one of those giant plastic bottles of vodka and it was gone by the end of the night.

overall though, it's always been fun and i've never woken up with anything broken or been a mopey whiny drunk. i have lost/had multiple packs of smokes stolen from me though.

Fiancee left me, drank a bottle of Jameson, slept next to the toilet. Not too bad.

>>6282762
Oh brother, here we go.

21st birthday, I thought I could drink 21 beers. (Beck's German Beer) (I know, call me a pleb)

Failed miserably at 16, and I barfed up all 16 all over my brand new collared shirt.

The next morning, holy son of a bitch....

Maybe some minor crimes but otherwise no

I fell asleep in a bush two weeks ago! I was woken up by some guy who had to pee and scared him away on accident I guess. We were downtown so I could have been a homeless person.

I also masturbate to thoughts of my aunt when I'm sober.

I started drinking one new years eve around 11 am kept drinking till friends got off work. I was drunk when they got off so we kept drinking. Blacked out but kept drinking. Wake up in room next morning and I have the taste of vomit still in my mouth. I freak out because our building just got new carpet. I look around and see nothing, think things went better than expected and go back to sleep. Wake up later to go chill with some friends and paint and drink. Get ready, go grab my back pack...instantly realize what happened. I woke up the night before wanting to throw but didn't want to fuck up the carpet so I grabbed my backpack and threw up in it. I have a few books in there and some markers. Ended up just throwing the whole thing away.

Not the drunkest I have been but one of the the shorter stories

Drunk enough to shit your pants?
no
Drunk enough to forget your own name?
ez
Drunk enough to fall asleep in a bush?
ez pz
Drunk enough to have inappropriate sexual thoughts about a family member?
define family, I've had sexual thoughts about cousins while sober
Drunk enough to commit a crime and not remember it until the next day?
no

>>6282842
>I smoked some cigarettes and sobered up a little
You know, I am not a smoker at all really. But I do smoke when I'm drunk. It started when my asshole friends made me smoke when they were drunk and just developed into a thing. I never crave tobacco, but when I'm really smashed I have to smoke. And it makes me feel better. Is this a thing? Does smoking really make you feel less drunk?

I only ask because as far as my memories go, my very worst benders were when I had taken smoke breaks and thought I should drink more.

i got so drunk i pissed my pants when my buddies threw me a 21st birthday party. I blew a .269 bac once when i got lost walking back from the bars to my apt. ended up crossing a 4 lane bridge over a river and was 2 miles from my apt

>>6282762
When I get so drunk that I don't remember shit I somehow still get home. I try to not get too drunk though because this city isn't exactly the safest place.

I've never needed to know my name when drunk as far as I can remember so that hasn't been tested.

Fall asleep on other outdoor places but not in a bush.

>>6283074
same as this guy, sexual thoughs about cousins but who wouldn't, same sober

no proper crimes... I think. But a lot of stupid stuff that has caused a bit of trouble.

I stabbed my boyfriend three times with car keys.

>>6283106
how are you not dead? i would have beat your ass and thrown you out.

Drunkest I've been was at a semester end party with a friend. We were at an apartment that was on the basement floor and his apartment was on the third. I drank a good amount that night, and don't remember much. Last thing I remember was being barely able to walk up the stairs and then puking in my friend's room.

Nowhere near anything on your list though. Just dizziness.

Another time, I drank nearly a whole bottle of fireball myself and then smoked weed for only like the second time. I got crossfaded as hell, and as soon as I got in my room on my bed, I lost all sense of orientation (ie, I had no idea where my body was). I woke up covered in puke. Never doing that again.

>>6283180
fucking lel you sound like a 17 year old

>never drunk enough to talk to her

Drunk enough to wake up to the sound of porn, naked, and "oiled" up and be called "sunshine" the next couple months.

Ask your mom for more details OP

Drunk enough to admit to my ex who was drunk texting me that I would still bang him if given the chance. And replying an apology after he said he would too but wanted me to love him like he still loved me. Then Me going to say, "Can we Fuck though?"

I got so drunk a giant gave me free coke, and then i threw up at an orgy.

i was hungover for three days

>>6282762
New years about 2 or 3 years ago. I was in a messy relationship with this girl who was mental and still had a thing for her older ex boyfriend. I went to a party of a guy I didn't know that was held on a farm with a bunch of friends. Pre-drinks were a six pack, about 4 or 5 shots and then I finished a half empty bottle of rum I had. I then went to the party with them and the bottle of rum I'd bought for the night. Went over, had some fun for a while seeing a bunch of people who remembered me and getting through that bottle of rum, then ended up seeing the girl getting flirty with her ex boyfriend, got super pissed and upset and started breaking some shit. Went off into the woods for a little while for a time out with a mate and got lost. Ended up calling more friends to come pick me up, they though I was just full of shit when I was really emotional and upset so I ended up fighting two of them. Walked home with the mates I came with, broke some street lamps on the way home and ended up passing out in his little sisters bed and I just remember someone calling my mate all night but he was also passed out in the next room and just hearing his shit ringtone over and over but was too fucked to move.

Second closest was going to a club that a friend I met through work owns (he's 8 years older than me) and my mate and other managers of the club were just drinking with me in a closed section of the club so we could have some quiet. I was rolling free drinks all night so was pretty happy. Ended up too fucked on shots and threw up, got kicked out by the bouncers and walked a couple of kilometers home while super fucked.

16th birthday
>Buy bottle of Jameson
>Head to birthday party hosted at buddies around 10PM
>Get talked into doing 16 shots, fuck it
>Decide I might as well finish rest of bottle

(The events that follow I have no recollection of, just my friends accounts)

>Friend decides he doesn't want me puking in his house so drives me and a few buddies to Mcdonalds
>Order quarterpounder meal, muck it faster than a single mom on her way to the shoe store the day her support cheque comes in
>Friend ordered a pair of Mcdoubles and a flurry
>He gets up and goes to washroom and I eat both of his Mcdoubles
>Comes back and says wtf "Dude I called dibs" "Anon that makes no fucking sense I paid for them" "MAaaan I called dibs"
>Pissed off friend goes to buy more Mcdoubles and I start to eat his flurry
>He just gives up the battle and orders all new food
>Our quarterback walks in and proceed to instigate a fight between Mcdoubles friend and him
>Manager kicks us out, proceed to throw nuggets at manager
>Friend gets pissed that I'm going full retard and decides to just take me home
>Fuckers didn't help me get in my house, they watched and recorded a solid 10 minute video of me trying to get my key in and falling over and shit
>Get inside, get in bed (this part I remember)
>Puke rumblin, know I won't back it to bathroom.
>Roll to floor puke up all that mcdonalds with the force of a thousand suns
>Go to work the next day and get sent home because my manager thought I had swine flu

Not a bad 16th birthday really

>>6283341
Other time was probably my 19th birthday (legal drinking age in Canada) ... Woke up on the cold hard concrete of the drunk tank. My dad thought it was hilarious when he came to get me and took me out to Dennys.

>>6283077
>Does smoking really make you feel less drunk?
No but I feel like they go hand in hand really well. For a while I would make it my monthly habit, to take a few shots, listen to music, and smoke a cigar in the woods. Even better, the smoke repelled mosquitos.

>>6283089
>City isn't exactly the safest place

Just curious, where you at anon?

A Christmas party when I was 16 I was so drunk someone had to flip me onto my stomach so I didn't asphyxiate on my own vomit

>>6282762
Blackout. I've never committed a crime but I completely don't remember a few nights, thankfully I am always with friends who stop me doing anything too bad when I am that drunk.

The only time I've ever actually been blackout drunk was when I was 14 at my first drinking session, with a bunch of close friends. There was lots of vodka and cider around and I just kinda kept drinking. One friend threw up a lot and I was apparently rolling in it or something. Someone went and got coffee to sober the friend and I up but I just poured it over my head. At some point our sober friend got worried and called his parents. I groped his mom and my friend threw up on her/in the car. Sober friend's dad was pissed, moreso about the puking in the car tho lol. Got brought home, my older sister made me go to bed. I threw up on my bedroom floor (the only time I actually threw up during the night) and she cleaned it up. She didn't clean up the bed I pissed in at some point though. That I had to do myself. Woke up with no hangover but had kidney pains for the next two days.

I've been drunk enough to
>lick my best friend across his neck
He didn't wanna sleep next to me after that.
>accidentally strangle my other friend
I only meant to hold her by her neck, but apparently I couldn't control my grip when I was drunk, so she ended up having bruises a couple of days after.
>met a guy for the first time, sober, and had sex with him later that night.
I never wanted to have any sort of relationship with this dude, but gay dudes are pushy and I was drunk as fuck. My nose bled because I was so drunk.
I've probably done some other stupid shit, as well, but I can't remember it and/or haven't been told about it.

>>6283077
I usually only smoke if I'm drunk or during finals now, nicotine is a stimulant so theoretically yes. I smoked about a half pack of Perique blend Spirits which always seem stronger than other cigarettes except maybe Marlboro reds.

I got so drunk I shit on the cat, pissed in my shoe, lost my keys and wrinkled my randy Travis poster.

Eh. Don't really know the single drunkest moment of my life. Alcoholism got pretty bad after the military.

Both DUI's I got were both over .25, and several times I've woken up next to naked girls and not remembered names or if I used a condom.

One time I was drinking a veritable shitload on Klonopin and got into a fist fight with my dad, I lost a couple of toenails and my booger picking fingernail. My judgment was completely shot and I was mad. I grabbed a gun and stuck it in my waistband (this is illegal, don't do this) and walked into the ghetto. I ended up smoking crack the one and only time in my life with some hood ass nigs. I ended up getting back to my house at like 8 in the morning. Every second I was in the morning sunshine felt terrible, I felt like a vampire. Ended up crashing on my couch and sleeping for nearly 24 hrs.

Not really one of my shining moments.

>be me at age 15
>get drunk and stoned regularly at nearby park
>sitting at the local park with a bunch of friends/bums
>in a huge argument with my gf at the time
>start to drink half a bottle of vodka, then probably a quar of Malibu and another quart of something else.
>drunk as shit at this point
>homie says 'ayy let's smoke some weed' this fucker happens to have some dank
>all I remember after hitting the bowl was putting my head down
>what seems to be like hours later I wake up drunk and higher then ever with no one around me anymore
>my dumbass just puts my head back down
>hours later I feel cold ass water on my face, all these random ass voices going crazy
>friends came back, thank god.jpg
>some random blonde girl starts to help me walks me to my dads car. Puke all over my body, almost got.my iPod stolen.
>never got wasted like that again

passed out once sitting on the toilet. came to with vomit all in my pants and all over my boots. still dont know how I got home that night.

>>6282762
I never get THAT drunk. The drunkest I've been was when my friend came back from his deployment. I remember drinking a lot of whiskey and high life and then eating deep dish pizza and starburst. We went to walmart with my sober friend to pick up GTA 5 and I fell asleep in the back of his car. On the way back I woke up to throw up like, 3 times. I only remember once. Luckily it was a soft top jeep and my friend had taken it off. Good night though.

drunk enough to feel agonizingly dizzy.

you know, when the whole world spins at 300 mph.

then you puke.

god, i hate that feel. it's pure misery.

>>6284222
>never got wasted like that again

pls tell me this is your attempt at trolling

I've pissed and shit myself a couple times. Woke up with vomit all over my shirt like I rolled around in it. I fell asleep in an alley outside of a bar in Iowa, but never in a bush.

The worst thing I ever did drunk was kill my roommates dog with a hockey stick and throw it off the balcony. It just wouldn't stop barking. To this day he thinks it fell. I feel really shitty about it and hope somebody kills me too

>>6282762
>woke up in hospital aged 15
>woke up in a multistory carpark with some fucker honking at me because the place was full
>woke up on a bench in a park
>woke up in a strange house with no-one else there

never shit my pants though

Never shit or pissed myself, but I've got a good list of fucked up things.

>Passed out in a parking garage. 10 degrees outside, wearing just a flannel shirt.

>Woke up with two of my fingers inside some passed out girl's pussy. No recollection of the events that led up to that.

>Fought 3 dudes with a couple of my friends that were fucking with some random kid on the street. Punched their sideview mirror off their car when they tried to drive away.

>Woke up in my ex's garage underneath her dad's car. No idea how I got there, but she cried a lot when I asked her about it.

>Made out with ultra-feminist chick I work with and tried to drag her by her ass cheek into her bedroom in the middle of a party.

>Whipped a full can of PBR into some frat boy fuck's face at the same party

>Woke up covered in my own and someone else's vomit in some random dude's house

>Woke up in the basement of a house in West Virginia (I'm from NY) not knowing how I got there

>Fell out of my car, smashed my face on the pavement. Bloody nose, hands tore the fuck up, all that

>Fought a bum who tried selling my friend some bad pills


I don't know, there's more, but those are recent ones that come to mind.

>>6284266
that's dark

>tfw dank dark dubs

>>6284282
>Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>6284282
>but she cried a lot when I asked her about it.
this hits really close to home

I become a monster when I drink. It's like it's my goal to make women that care about me cry. Started with my mother.

>>6282887
So you lost a collared shirt? No big loss here. Your wardrobe is that much better bow

>>6284259

Well my tolerance has skyrocketed since then since I'm 22 now. I've gotten wasted like that again I just haven't experienced it like that before

>>6284315
As was later explained to me, I was at a friend's house with her, she was laying on the couch with one of my friends because I was being a drunk bastard and she was trying to get away from me. I started fighting people until they kicked me and her out, I made her drive me back to her place and told her I was going to make her watch while I drink myself to death. I had two more pints of whiskey and reasonably I think I could have done it at that point. I was on a three month drinking binge at that point in time so I did a lot of really awful things.

Fucked a ladyboy and then pissed the bed. Lost my watch too. Smashed a hipster's guitar and broke into a church and fell asleep. Got beaten up after throwing a gherkin at a group of lads on a night bus. Declared my love for and sent pictures of my willy to random girls I barely know. Stole from a bakery. Racially abused a Chinese cabbie. Woke up with a lump of goat's cheese on my pillow and a stolen doorstop in my back pocket. Called my dad a homo. Got into a physical fight with my ex-girlfriend in the middle of Chinatown. Vomited on my bookshelf, ruining like a dozen good books.

>>6284382
you sound fun

I feel like my drunk stories are nothing compared to some of what I am reading here, but its kinda cute in a cringy way.
>shitty party, decide to go with some friends
>start with shots (they didnt have decent beer)
>at some point lose all my friends except one
>lol nvm keep drinking
from this point on I don't remember much, the majority of this is what they told me the next morning
>"ehy friendX, I really feel like calling my crush now!" "dont do it"
>I call him anyway
We were in a field I think, it was quite chill almost cold and very humid.
>"ehy Y, I want you to know that I like you a lot, and if you were here I would totally fuck you" "a-are you drunk" "ehuhehe maybe"
And so on. It was like, half an hour of me telling this guy that I liked him. Oh and I talked to him via facebook too! So I still have the chatlog with all the nice things I told him. He was quite amused by it, and we ended up together.
I have another story involving the same guy, after this, but its not as embarassing, so I will write it only if someone is interested.

The drunkest I've been was when I was at a party, pretended to be russian and got a car ride from some strangers to their house, was served a gin tonic, found myself alone, started wandering aimlessly, found a cab, took it back to the city, puked in the cab, realized I didn't have my wallet, had my phone taken from me from the taxi driver as an insurance that I'd have to contact him and pay him for the ride and for the cleaning of his cab, found myself in a river, lost my glasses that I can't see shit without, fell asleep in a park, was woken up by some woman, puked, kept walking and eventually, at 10 am or something like that, found my way back to the house I was staying at.

>>6284429
Female privilege in action.

>>6284464
the cab driver didn't take your phone, you gave it to him because you are a pussy

you literally don't have to pay for cabs if you have any balls at all

>>6284475
My friend had a habit of running away from taxis without paying when he was drunk, but learnt his lesson after he was finally caught by a furious Albanian cabbie wielding a machete that he kept in his car-boot.

>>6284475
>if you have any balls at all
being an asshole =/= having balls

Tend to just go to sleep when I drink a lot. Got drunk enough to pass out, smack my head on one of those foot high fences and lose my glasses at some birthday party once though.
Was hanging out with the bartender because unsociable as, trying out all of his shot ideas. My friend drank the last one he made after I wandered off because he though it was going free, guy goes
>that'll be five quid

>>6284102
sounds like fun m8

>>6282762
>18
>way home alone
>stumble past a church
>punch window out
>up steps to doorway pants fall down
>no keys knock on door 3am
>there is blood on door
>Mother opens door to son with pants around ankles and pissing blood from hand
>shakes head and goes back to bed

>>6284551
>pants fall down

lol this seems to happen to me a lot when i'm drunk too. they fell down right in front of a group of girls a few weekends ago; if i wasn't so drunk i would have been horrified.

>>6282762
I started testing my limits in my own home before deciding to go out to drink with friends and I at most pissed myself, threw up, and fell asleep after cleaning myself.

>>6284551
>start drinking
>1 1/2 bottles of scotch
>scene edited
>im alone in the dark in my old primary school
how the fuck?
fuck it im here
>first the music room
>grab bass, other random instroments
>back home
live just down the street
>that was easy
> lets try computer room
>score one of those old weird apples. the coloured ones with just screen and kboard
back home
>lets try av room
>2 duel dvd6head vcrs
home
sleepy
>Wake up
mfw

At least 4 bottles of Buckfast

>>6284585
>gf in band
>out of town gig
>free alcohol lol
>get shit faced buy kfc take back to gig
>bored
>spray paint chicken chrome and put back in box
>find massive bulbous light-shade
>place on head and set on fire
>commence asking people nonchalantly if i could bum a lighter i will trade for chicken

>>6284628
same night
>gig ends
>band and i staying in room with balcony over the exit
>huge crowd forms below us screaming and singing
>find 2 used condoms on top of the closet in room
why i was on top of the closet i dont know
>start dangling condoms of balcony above crowd
>throw
sweet zombie jesus
>Fuckers go apeshit
>bottles, cans and debree start flying up at us
>some trying to roll a car
>retreat, smoke weed, the end

>>6284628
>>6284670
>>>/reddit/
They really like fake stories.

>>6284282
>West Virginia
So drunk you woke up two states away.

Freshman year in college I missed out on my friends' drunkest bacchanalia due to going on what turned into the worst date of my life. Their antics of that night:

>The 5 of them drink a bottle of peppermint schnapps and start on a bottle of vodka
>Decide to go bowling
>All underage but one guy looks like he's 30 and buys several pitchers of beer for the rest of them
>They begin getting rowdy
>Asked several times by management to calm it down
>Roommate forgets to let go of bowling ball until it's too late, throws it through ceiling
>Ball falls through other part of ceiling, breaks floor in the lane they were using
>All run giggling for the exit
>Continue drinking as they drive back to campus
>Passing through shitty neighborhood in town
>See crowd of black guys around a fire in a front yard
>Invite themselves to this hoodrat party
>One friend starts playing poker with hoodrats
>One friend tries to hook up with fat black chick
>Continue drinking
>Poker friend gets cleaned out
>Chubby chaser friend taken into backyard by the blob, strips from waist down, begins pounding her doggy-style
>While he's distracted someone steals his wallet, pants, boxers, and shoes
>Least drunk friend gets skeeved out, rounds up other friends (interrupting the whale sex in the yard) and leaves
>Chubby chaser in only a polo shirt with his dong hanging out
>They decide they need more booze
>Buy 40s down the street from the party
>Start punching each other in nuts while driving
>Totally miss campus
>Crash car into tree
>Wander into woods
>Everybody gets naked
>Naked nighttime woodland frolic commences, complete with more nut-punches
>Everybody gets lost
>Eventually relocate the car, still naked
>Realize the keys are in a pair of pants that are somewhere back in the woods
>Huddle in muddy ditch for warmth until dawn
>Find key pants but no one else's clothes
>Pants guy abandons the others in the woods and returns to campus

alcohol poisoning, went to the hospital, 19 years old. I had just started drinking and had no idea what I was doing.

that's it. One other time a few years ago I had some insane candy mixed drink and pretty much had to be carried home.

otherwise I don't usually drink to excess.

Party is shutting down. Drinking with this chick I knew from school. She challenges me to shots. I think to myself "we'll both be drunk, but she'll be more drunk and we'll fuck." Ended up puking on each other half naked in the back of my car...

I was invited to some party when I was about 16, people were drinking and I was pretty nervous. I didn't know how much you were supposed to drink to get drunk and I always imagined myself to be a huge heavyweight for some reason. I drank a fifth of vodka in about 30 seconds, everyone was super impressed, they hadn't seen anything like this before.

About 30 minutes later I wasn't the heavyweight that I imagined. I was slipping in and out of consciousness whilst people would drag me about 1ft away each time I puked so I wasn't sleeping in my own puke. Not a fun night.

tfw drinking a 40 of Olde English mid day

I'm not even an alcoholic or black.

How do people get like this?
I blacked out once without remembering anything but my friends just said I was carrying another one of our friends home because he was so drunk and kept walking out into traffic and that I scolded him about me 'having to take away his walking privileges' the entire time.

Went to a party of a wealthy friend. Nye. I drank a shitton of amazing champagne. After many glasses of it, I called everyone at the party chinks and gooks. Everyone there was Asian. I'm Asian. I got kicked out.

>>6284826
Top kek

>>6284467
sorry, what does this have to do with female privilege?

I was drunk enough to get up in the middle of the night, stumble to a rolling chair, think it was the toilet and piss in my boxers, then take them off and crawl back into bed.

>>6283188
I didn't drink when I was a teenager. Also, my weed tolerance is low as hell.

One time I picked up some slut at a bar, we were both wasted. She offered to blow me in my car and I accepted. She wouldn't let me finish though, she said I had to get a hotel and fuck her good if I want to get off. Then this she witch gave me some liquid xanax and we left and I nodded off and we ended up along the ditch of some desolate freeway. I woke up at sunrise in a muddy ditch, both of us buck naked with her on top of me and my flaccid member wedged inside her. I guess we had sex, I don't remember.

>>6282842
At my own college house party, I had a similar experience. Four cocktails, five shots and a glass of brandy and I was fucking gone. Apparently I had a footrace in the street with some random guy, smoked a few cigarettes, pissed in the backyard, and walked to a random dorm with some girls I met.
Still dating one them actually.

>>6282762
>drinking in parents home (home from college)
>had to piss
>couldn't figure out where MY OWN BEDROOM DOOR was to get to the John
>open window, piss through screen

We were drunk in this bar in Saigon and this kid comes up, this kid carrying a shoe-shine box. And he says "Shine, please, shine!" I said no. He kept askin', yeah, and Joey said "Yeah." And I went to get a couple of beers, and the box was wired, and he opened up the box, fucking blew his body all over the place. And he's laying there, he's fucking screaming. There's pieces of him all over me, just like this, and I'm tryin' to pull him off, you know, my friend that's all over me! I've got blood and everything and I'm tryin' to hold him together! I'm puttin'... the guy's fuckin' insides keep coming out! And nobody would help! Nobody would help! He's saying, sayin' "I wanna go home! I wanna go home!" He keeps calling my name! "I wanna go home, Johnny! I wanna drive my Chevy!" I said "With what? I can't find your fuckin' legs! I can't find your legs!"

>>6282762
No, No, no,no,no.
However I dreamed last night I was so drunk I could not remember where I parked the car.
I was relieved when I woke up and could quit freaking out in my sleep.

>>6283341
>throw nuggets at manager
kek

Not really "drunk as fuck" but I remember one day just hanging out at home alone, drinking like 3 heavy rum and cokes and going straight to bed. Must have really hit me at night because I woke up stumbling like a motherfucker and took a piss in an empty box that was laying on my bedroom floor.

I have no fucking idea why I did that.

>tfw of regret when scrubbing piss out my carpet the next morning before anyone found out.

>>6282762
None of those particular scenarios, but I did get drunk enough once, ONCE, that I kissed someone in the bathroom of the bar (of the same sex, and I didn't initiate it, but I also didn't stop it), then proceeded to drink more, leave the bar, and trip over my own feet and fall and bang my FACE on the hard metal bumper of an old van that was parked next to my car. I woke up the next day on the floor of my house, naked, cold, wet, and bleeding from the head. Apparently I was cold and wet from my roommate hosing me down outside because I passed out in the driveway of our house in my own barf.
Needless to say, I have never gone down that path ever again. Humiliation is a strong corrective tool.

I've done all those things sober. And some of them on a daily basis.

>>6282762

One night I went to a friends party, drank a ton of beer playing beer pong. I then downed a glass of punch with everclear in it and pretty much immediately blacked out. I remember puking on the side of his house a few times. My friend told me I was hitting on a bunch of random girls and fell asleep in some room that became an orgy room. He apparently pulled me out of there, but I don't remember any of it. I regained conscousness at 5am sitting on the guy's toilet and we left.

This year I got drunk on Mardi Gras and blacked out. I only remember pissing in the street in some neighborhood and yelling at a friend to shield me.

>>6285400
What part of the city were you in for Mardi Gras?

>>6285260
>3 rum and cokes
>all this happens
I remember being 12

>>6285260

I've done something like this too. But I drank probably half a bottle of whiskey at my computer, playing games with online friends.

I guess I blacked out at some point and when I woke up, the floor was wet and smelled like piss. Luckily it was very diluted so it dried and doesn't smell anymore except for a faint smell in you get right up to the carpet and sniff.

Once I drunk an old fashioned and worked up the courage to talk to a girl

>>6285470
And it sounds like you like to get on the carpet and bury your face in an old pee stain, right? Because, how would you know?

>>6285482

What? Don't like the smell of your own piss?

Pissed in a trash can at a party.

I was hosting it.

In my parent's house.

Not very exciting but I got super wasted and on the way home from the bar me and my friends passed a liquor store and I guess the employee over heard me talking about how I needed to piss so he grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me into the store so I could use their bathroom. The room spun as he spun me around and upon seeing the mile high shelves of glass bottles I just froze and stiffly shimined my way through these tight maze of glass.

Apparently I did make it to the bathroom and my friend said he saw me making out with him so he pulled me back out to go home where I proceeded to lay on his floor and spit repeatedly.

>plbbtt plbbbtt plbtt

>>6282762
I've been drunk enough to piss in a closet. Once drank a shitload in about an hour at a party, went to bed fully clothed, but woke up naked and pretty sure I had been "raped," and then there was the night I got so tanked that I had to explain to the Secret Service why I wasn't a threat, and how shoving a ribbed oak post up someone's ass is merely a figure of speech.

>Broke down a door and vomited all over the shower at an acquaintances apartment
>Stole a terrace table and two chairs for my dorm
>Stranger dragged me back to my hostel in madrid, vomited all over my pants
>24h blackout
>Waking up with considerable wounds of unkown origins
>Waking up in unkown rooms/livingrooms knowing not one person there
>Slept besides a toilet
>3 day party, drunk/high for 72 hours

Nothing really major and mostly fun, ah university.

>>6285513
This would be super funny if you were a dude.

>>6285532
I am a dude.. who apparently gets a little bi when he's drunk.

I've been so drunk I blackout drove

I've also been so drunk I almost died in a car crash where I roll 9+ times over 250 meters

I've been so drunk I'm currently on house arrest for drink related crimes

I've been so drunk I've done borderline illegal shit with street hookers

I've been so drunk I've sucked dick

I've been so drunk Ive woken in a psych ward

I've been so drunk I was forced to take antabuse

Few times, brief memories, but fun.
11 years old, drank random shots of whatever looked interesting, i.e. gin, vermouth, vodka, drambuie (about 12 shots a peice) puked on friends face when he was sleeping.
14 years old, drank a 1/3rd of vodka in 45 minutes and passed out standing up (face first), into a pizza
18 years old, drank a liter of sake, 6 beers and 4 shots of fireball. Apparently, I called everyone 'niggers', 'spics' and 'sandniggers' (they were all white), passed out in the bathrooms and cracked my head on the toilet.
20 years old, in Germany, playing Cards Against Humanity out back behind our hostel which is above a bar. Polish housekeepers who barely spoke english, broke out 6 bottles of their homemade vodka and schnapps. Were nearly screaming about Nazi's 2 bottles in, friend decided to try and hunt wild boar in the forest behind us whilst intoxicated in the dark - didn't work.
22 years old, Greece, went to a little tiki bar by the beach to watch the FIFA World Cup. Rich friend who was very generous, bought over 12 rounds of Jaegerbombs for my friend and I, as well as the bartender who over-poured on every beer and cocktail. Took 3 people to carry me back to the hotel.

got so drunk i got hit by a car and didn't know what was happening once. really fucked up my shoulder, but apparently at the time i just walked it off

>>6285548
Been. There.

>>6285583
got blackout drunk when i was like 22... made out with some dude then he blew me for like 10 seconds and i was like the fuck am i doing..still haunts me 8 years later.

>>6282762
>Drunk enough to shit your pants


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsEdK-wqg2Y

>>6285224
You're drunk, Rambo. Go home.

>>6285614
i wouldn't worry about it man, it's not like you were blowing him. had a similar situation at uni, except i just closed my eyes and imagined it was this girl on my course, then powered through. ain't nothing wrong with getting your dick sucked if they're clean shaven

I was once up until 5am drinking double whiskeys in a hotel bar with a bunch of trauma surgeons.

This would have been fine if I hadn't had to get up at 8am to catch the flight home. I had to get my co-worker to stop the car every 30 minute so I could get out and vomit. It was a 2.5 hour drive to the airport. Then another 1.5 hours at the airport, during which I become familiar with the toilet cubicles in very close details.

I vomited twice on the 1 hour flight home.

It took me two days to recover. I figure I had alcohol poisoning but somehow didn't collapse.

>>6282826
Please elaborate, sir.

>fall 2003 I think?
>best friend is about to deploy to afganistan.
>his extended family all came down from Mass
>never really drank heavily before
>Tequila, snort salt, eat lemon in that order.
>Start going shot for shot with marine-buddy out drink everyone. Drank some nasty stuff from eastern europe, still not sure what it was, wasn't vodka smelled like paint thinner.
>eyes can no longer focus and balance a thing of the past.
Threw up about an hour later, no one noticed or cared.
I learned to never drink with marines. I haven't been drunk since.

ITT: Autism and alcoholism don't mix.

>>6285688
>Drank some nasty stuff from eastern europe, still not sure what it was, wasn't vodka smelled like paint thinner.
it was most likely spirytus, which is essentially a polish version of everclear.

it's also not nasty, you're just a little bitch.

>>6285614

Mouths are gender neutral. No shame in gettin' a blowie no matter who they are

On the verge of death a few times, but I don't remember much of it except for the baby DTS afterwards.

Now I rarely black out any more. Feels good man.

>>6285722
I think it was something from the Czech Republic, its name was seemingly gibberish. Your polish booze has some latin seeming roots, I doubt I would have considered that gibberish.

>>6285754
asked said friend, it was Slivovitz

>>6285762
http://www.topgear.com/uk/videos/74640033001

Well I did pass out in a bush once
Usually if I lose memory I don't do to much weird shit, I am way too inhibiting of my actions even when drunk

>>6285778
Oh and once I pissed from a balcony in an apartment but I wasn't that drunk and it was more peer pressure

>>6285772
thanks for that, I haven't watched any top gear since december...

>>6285688
Former Marine here. Been posting in this thread. We just had Mardi Gras down here and I gave a tour to two friends of neighbors I didn't really know. One was a chick and the other was a Navy SEAL.

He tried to check me with drinking and he got #rekt.. Had to catch a cab home early because he was so drunk. I was fine.

That same night I got head from a random 40+ yr old in a bar (stealth style, they didn't even notice) and brought the chick I was with back to my place and fucked her. He was so jealous the next day. Doesn't really talk to me anymore because of butthurt.

A lot of Marines don't mess around when it comes to drinking.

>>6282762
Got drunk enough to try to stand up in a hammock only to fall through it, try to step out of it, fall onto a wicker table (breaking it), then fell into the handrails of the 2nd story deck after which I fell to the ground below. Cracked two ribs and vomited all over whoever's yard that was.

Long story short I was never invited to a Day-Before-Easter party again. Didn't have to pay for any of that crap though.

>>6284926
>tfw drinking 40s and a tall can and playing music with my friends
I miss those days

>>6285824
>Former Marine

>>6285936
Not active.

>hurr durr once a Marine

>>6285824
this all sounds like bs

i remember pissing on an elementary school playground around 3am and next thing i knew i was waking up in my car in the parking lot

>>6285945
Up to you what you want to believe bro. It is 4chan.

>barely a few months past 21
>lightweight by all means, usually stick to 3-5 drinks tops
>family member and his gf invites my gf and I out to fancy dinner
>have 1 jack and coke before leaving
>we're in bar waiting for our table
>I'm 2.5 drinks in before we're seated
>2 more and by the time appetizers come
>don't even remember how any of the food tasted like
>remember walking into the men's bathroom
>there's some kind of football player from local team there
>take a piss next to him
>barely remember the lobster
>1 more drink before leaving
>we head out to some hispanic club
>2 more drinks there, shots for everyone
>my mind is spinning, gf and I not having good time anymore
>eventually we yell out over club shit that we want to go
>we end up in some fucking lounge that has $35 drinks
>much calmer there so I drank one more
>fuck me I need to piss again
>get back and we leave close to 1:30 am
>go to family member's apt
>really didn't want to stay the night, gf is crying or irrationally upset
>drink 1 redbull, and some coffee, piss again
>go fall asleep in my truck with gf until 3
>she's sobered up and she drives us home at nearly 4 am
>maybe the movement of the truck or drinking 2x I normally do made me throw up
>get into apt I have to take a huge piss again and shower
>somehow gf gets up in time for her 9:30am shift

Had some other problems with family members and encouraging drinking. I never drink with family now. None of my school friends drink because they're all stem nerds. So pretty much I only drink when with my gf

Can't tell because all I remember is waking up in a bed in the next town. I'd say I was pretty drunk, a friend told me I puked in a cab.

>>6285969
Ugh, I know those nights.

>>6285824
Where were you stationed? The fact that you felt like mentioning that you were prior enlisted and that "marines don't play around when it comes to drinking" makes me doubt your claims to have been in the Corps. Only douchebags talk like that once they EAS.

>>6285965
If that's you, you must've meant former marine mammal.

>>6285983
Oh that means you were in too? Where were stationed?

MCAS New River. 6116, Flightline, aerial observer. Also did a stint with PMO with H&HS at Lejeune. What were you?

Not me but a buddy of mine who is really light headed.

We(6 guys) were a bunch of 17 year olds (age of consent in my country is 18) wantig to get drunk as fuck a week after our HS grad. So we bought 3 bottle of cheap as fuck rum, two bottles of cheap as fuck vodka and a bottle of really cheap pisco. we all start drinking. one of my friends(lets call him abe) and I are the kind of guys that party every weekend(since we were 15), so we know how to drink and how to control ourselves when drunk.

However, there was this guy(lets call him bri) that claimed to have a strong will and a steel liver, after 2 rum shots he was already drunk. Fucker wanted to prove us that he was the most avid drinker there, so he kept drinking, other guys wanted to do the same so we all started drinking.

After an hour everyone except Abe and I were totally drunk. I go to the bathroom and Bri is laying on the floor, basically swiming in his own puke. I call Abe and we make the guy take a cold shower. We got him clothes but fucker wanted to be naked. For some fucking reason he did the terminator naked pose and then layed on the ground mumbling "the dream yes, the dream yes". Then he took a blanket and started sleeping on the ground.

After that I left to my house. Abe told me he grabbed some chalk and poured in every passed out mother fucker face.

So that's it. As today Abe and I keep being friends. We go to bars and parties almost every weekend because we are on summer break, he's a top level wigman. The other guys are studying too.

all of those. don't feel like the lone stranger. be carefulle.It's weird. don't feel bad. don't act.Am approaching 60. Do the best you can.that must be enough. as far as racial, we all bleed red.

I've never passed out from drinking (besides at home in my bed, which I consider "sleeping")

I have thrown up a lot from drinking, but at least most of the time I believe it's because I tend to binge eat when I'm drunk. Most of the time I throw up it's after I eat 3 too many pieces of pizza.

Me at my most drunk was at a party my friend was throwing out of town in his apartment full of uni kids. I drank about half of a fifth of Wild Turkey, a 6pack of Hoegaarden, and then lord knows what in a continuous game of slap-cup. I was at the point where I was just grabbing drinks and downing them, many of them were awful shit like caramel Smirnoff and peach Smirnoff ice. I remember just the taste of all these awful bitch-drinks in my throat, running outside into the snow, and vomiting as much of it as I could. I then came in with one mitten on, and made a huge fuss about how I had lost the other. The next morning my second mitten was just lying next to my other. We also had a home-made piñata shaped like a penis what was filled with jars of mayonnaise. When it was broken open I assumed it was cum and got angry that some had spilled on my jacket.

I anticipate another shitfest in a couple weeks for my birthday. Should be fun. Thank you for reading my blog.

>>6285614
at least you didnt mutually fuck a crossdresser and blow each other for a little bit. Not to mention that was how I lost my virginity.

>tfw you have a cock go up your ass before you insert it into a womans vagina ever
>tranny porn/CL. Never again

not gay btw. Bi at most but a man's body isnt a turn on

>>6286020
This past friday I got super soused and was talking to a pretty attractive gay guy. I was just using him to get fashion tips (literally) but by the end of it I could tell he wanted to fuck. The fact that I didn't fuck him really feels good in retrospect, even though the rest of the night was embarrassing.

>>6285985
lmao

>>6285985

>>6285985
oh shit

>22nd birthday
>Go out to the city with a few friends
>Friend is hooking me up with free drinks most of the night
>Don't really know my limits yet
>Drunk and wanting to dance
>Shit dancer just stepping on girls feet
>Bar closes but party mode is still engaged
>Down a beer on the way out that wasn't mine
>Running through the streets
>Giving high-fives to strangers
>Doing pullups on scaffolding
>Just being a shitty annoying hyper drunk
>Get to train station and decide to hop onto the tracks on the side that doesn't run at that time
>Opening junction boxes and trying clib over walls to get into some locked rooms
>Hear train coming down, so back climb up to the platform
>Friends ask where the fuck I was and why I'm covered in black grease
>Train stops before reaching the platform while cops start pouring down the stairs to the metro
>Cops point over at me
>Friend asks what the fuck I did again, I reply with a grin
>Grin disappears when the cuffs go on
>Was first accused of domestic terrorism, then suicide attempt, finally to criminal trespassing
>They escort me back to the train and let me go at my stop
>This was 2 hours since handcuffing
>Don't know where friend is, phone is dead
>Have to pay for a overpriced suburban taxi
>Make it to friends apartment, door locked, doorbell doesn't work
>Curl up to fall asleep outside apartment
>Old lady walking her dog at 5am sees me and 360s back home, assuming she called the cops
>Try to hide behind apartment complex but really fucking thirsty
>Try to drink water from sprinkler going off and just get drenched
>Cops find me, laugh at me, and ask where my friend lives

They ended up busting his door open with a pocket knife. We get into shouting match but I just end up on the ground and leave. Cops watched me leave and let me drive home even though I was still wasted. Hangover the next day was not nice.

>>6286123
Good god dude. That's a good story. Were you punished for trespassing? I had a friend accused of "terroristic threats" for telling some cops he was going to find their family and murder them after they found him drunk in a bush.

>Trashghanyland RnR
>'Schlaand
>Myself, fiancee, buddy, his wife
>Bottle of Disaronno
>Bottle of Jameson
>Bottle of 151
>Multiple bottles beer & wine

The females went out to the bar (lol u tk him 2da bar|?) leaving me and my buddy to catch up. He's my main nigga so we're right back to old times. Start killing bottles, taking shots, general debauchery.
Memory gets hazy from around when we left the house to find our bitches. I remember starting a fire in the yard, fire breathing some 151, then burning my ex's wedding album.
We hit a bank on the way to the first bar and rolled through the door Indiana Jones style. Bestbro is a jewbastard and in his drunken state couldn't figure out how to work the ATM so he started yelling at it saying shit like "JEW HATING NAZI MACHINE!"
Stumbled down mainstreet and reconnected with our women. Had double Jameson und ginger ale each then left without paying (which I would never do sober because I love that bar). My girl, bless her, recognized how fucked up I was and took me home.
Proceeded to puke my soul out while wailing for my buddy for the next 45 minutes.
He gets dragged in covered in puke and I get sent to bed so he can hug the bowl I warmed up. Next morning find out he puked on his wife, her best friend+phone, and her mother.

>>6286139
Sort of. I had to go to a court hearing where they gave the options to fight the charges (I was guilty as fuck, so nope), plead guilty and pay a fine, or pay $300 for a reformation course that will also expunge my record.
I bet you can guess what I chose.
Did your friend have a beard too? I had a huge beard at the time, so I think that's why their first guess was domestic terrorism.

>>6286167
Nah he's pretty babyfaced. $300 is a pretty sweet deal. He didn't get off so easily. Still on probation a few years later.

>>6284266
ive pissed myself a lot too, one time after going hard on liquor all night i had like REAL bad acid reflux for like a month, i swear it was an alcohol induced ulcer. im turning 21 in 2 hours but the doctors office called today and said i had overactive liver enzymes which basically means i have a damaged liver :( i hadnt even been drinking that much lately i guess i wont go hard this weekend after all

>>6285983
Yeah that's what I thought, faggot.

Believe what you want. This is /ck/, dunno why you think is lie abt something so trivial.

>>6286139
>I had a friend accused of "terroristic threats" for telling some cops he was going to find their family and murder them after they found him drunk in a bush.
top lel

>>6286123
This story made me chuckle.

>get invited to house party with other Marines
>infinite alcohol and beer pong for hours
>feel super charismatic
>display musical knowledge, kill others at beer pong
>Sergeant that is throwing party thinks I should move in because I'm the shit
>at that moment power level 9000 drunk mode kicks in
>think in my drunk mind that all the dudes are part of some gay sex cult
>start to freak
>there are mostly dudes at this party being military
>start to think I'm the target of a gay rape
>confront Sergeant's girlfriend about him being in gay rape cult
>confront best friend about getting man raped
>he thinks I'm retarded, because I am
>start to get paranoid because I think rape is imminent
>hatch master plan
>I'm going to grab the Sergeant's girlfriends boob in front of everyone at beer pong championship to prove heterosexuality
>decide to make move
>grab handful of tit in front of everyone
>grab her vagina
>people start raging out
>run out of house
>get chased by angry mob
>Sgt that asked me to move in does not want me to move in anymore
>tackles me and I lose my glasses
>he wants blood
>in the middle of North Carolina boonies now
>no idea what do because I have 20/1000 vision and lost my glasses
>call 911
>too drunk/blind to identify where I am
>finally some cops find me in the middle of the road without shoes
>they decide to very nicely to take me back to military base
>sitting in back of police car drunk as a skunk
>decide to explain situation
>"Thank god you officers found me, I'm going to be honest,I was about to be gang raped bucs bunch of dudes."
>cops are like wtf
>awkward silence as I realize I was retarded
>get dropped off at base without shoes
>cops explain to military police I thought I was going to be raped but I was probably just an idiot
>officer comes up to me and asks if I want to be anally swabbed for rape test
>decline
>realize I am retarded
>go home to barracks and pass out
>never regain glasses, shoes or dignity ever again

>>6286279
This is a lot like my limited experience with marinefags. Jumping spookily out of the woods and stealing items of clothing was common for them. As were violent outbursts of rape.

>>6284617
topLAD

one time i was so drunk i fell somehow and did this

trigger warning: my chin has a hole in it

>>6286307
I was definitely retarded. I was drinking this drink with OJ, peach schnapps and vodka and it destroyed me.

>>6282873
hahahahahahahahahahha

Blacked out at office party and woke up with my own shit in a co workers spare bed and on my shoes

Drunk enough to kick an iron post because I couldn't afford a taxi home and broke my toes after getting wasted at comedy club

Got punched bloody in a club for looking at chicks then got a bus to another town and got arrested putting plants on cars

Got arrested for being on a ship in dry dock that had scaffolding and was left next to a pub I was wasted on

Blacked out at vodka house party and tried to stop a taxi with my body. Busted ribs and almost in trouble with the law

Lol I could go on. What a shit

>>6286373
you shouldn't grow facial hair

>>6282762
Never shit myself but you can check off all the others for me.

>>6282762
Let's see:

I drunkenly sexually harassed my female roommate in public but she was sweet about it
I got way drunk at a friend's family function, basically got beligerent and ruined it for everyone. Also ruined our friendship permanently.
I got drunk and comitted arson and got kicked out of school for it
I got kicked out of an apartment for noise repeated complaints due to heavy drinking and people always being over
Got shitfaced and puked in someone's suitcase who was staying the night with me. Didn't know the guy or remember what happened til next morning and he found his clothes all crispy with puke.
Pissed the bed numerous times.
Told my dad to fuck off, mocked, belittled/was just plain nasty to my mom un provoked drunk as hell

I'm a mean bastard and I hate myself.

Had multiple drunken bicycle accidents, used to get pretty drunk and want to steal things. Got really drunk one night and have a couple of friends who are graffiti fanboys but they were too scared to do anything risky. Decided to go do some random graffiti in a pretty risky area just to spite them. It ignited a passion and I ended up being a pretty well known graf artist in my city eventually. 7 years later and I still get drunk and do it occasionally but I've calmed down a lot the last few years, getting older and more serious about my job. Still fun to get shitty and go into ninja mode though and sneak around fucking shit up.

>>6284688
oh SORRY my stories dont consist of me just puking and passing out.

not all people are conservative homos like you who've never had fun or adventures without needing mama to come pick you up at 10.30pm. believe what you want.

i got better stories than that.

> spent the night with a bro trying to throw ping pong balls into a cup
> drank a bottle of jack Daniels mixed only with that demon energy drink stuff
> decided to call it a night and drive home
> somehow managed to get to the house of the girl I was chasing at the time
> she came out to help me in but I was too drunk to move so she got me a blanket and I slept in the car
> went home the next morning without seeing her

I don't think anything else happened that night and I was fine the next day but everyone keeps bringing up that night. lucky I didn't crash and die though

>>6284826
>buncha guys
>in the woods
>no pants
>touching each others balls

Couple of stories of accidents I had from being way too drunk
>few years ago
>really fucked
>stumble into the bathroom
>projectile vomit all over walls and everything
>clean it up on my hands and knees with paper towels
>flush paper towels
>return to bed and drink more to replace the booze I lost vomiting
>minutes later notice the toilet hasn't stopped
>run into the bathroom, slide on tile covered in overflowing toilet vomit water
>break some ribs hitting the toilet on the way down, bang my head on the tile
>lay in my own vomit water for probly an hour before getting the willpower to get up
and about a month ago
>eating a steak, naked in bed about 1am
>on a paper plate
>waaaay to fucked
>cut through the paper plate and into my upper thigh
>bout a 5 inch long gaping deep gash
>blood starts going everywhere
>flowing out like a stream, leaving bloody footprints on the way to bathroom
>starts spurting out and shooting on the wall
at this point my drunk mind was just like "welp, I guess this is how it ends, oh well"
>tie bath towel around thigh, lay back down real sleepy still bleeding
>so drunk I decided to finish the steak that was covered in blood just eating it with my hands
>kinda just pass out
>luckily wake up the next day, bed and towel drenched
>had stopped bleeding for the most part
went to the ER hungover and loopy and found out I was only a centimeter away from the femoral.

>>6284266
used to date an animal lover chick.
had chickens, ducks, dogs, cats yadayada.

i am a cranky man if woken up in teh morning especially hungover/drunk.

she had this little rooster that crowed erry morning about 5. but not a regular crow. it was this half-assed retarded screeching every 30 seconds.

it would crow once and the rage began *maybe it will stop.
again(the rage)*maybe it will stop.
again and again and again

>blank face, get up
>walk out back door and grab hoe
>chase the fucker into its pen
>to small to swing hoe
>grab its neck and twist
>back to bed
>gf notices the crowing has stopped

good thing she loved me more cos i pretty much did the unforgivable in her eyes

>no matter how drunk you get, or how little you remember you always get home alive.

I've fallen asleep at a bus station in Toronto in some shady part of town, had literally no idea where I was, was woken up by some security guy, managed to find my way to a bus. I even struck up a conversation with 2 girls on the way, who woke me up when I fell asleep on the bus.

I'm amazed I haven't been killed in my sleep.

>>6286532
Get with AA bro. I know a problen drinker when I see one. You're one.

>>6286581
Pretty great story.

Also AA material.

Boyfriend and I decided to drink a 40 dollar bottle of absolut after a 12 hour shift each at about....1am. Snorted a few 10mg adderall. We ended up on the ground by the dumpster drinking energy drinks and get the grand idea to go into the mountains and hike at the asscrack of dawn. Run into healthy hikers so many miles from home still in our dirty uniforms from work wired and still drunk. We ended up jumping into the water/waterfall and I hit my head on a rock and almost drowned but still had a blast. Bruised the fuck out of my head and legs for about a week and ruined my boots.

Ended up going into some snobby ass restaurant in one of the poshest towns miles and miles away from home and leaving muddy tracks all over their bathroom and probably looked like a zombie because I jumped into the water uniform and all and was sopping wet.

There was also the time we got really fucked up and stuck in snow four times within an hour but I'm drunk right now so eh

I've never been a light weight when it comes to drinking and I've never gotten a hang over.

I remember a graduation party ended up downing about 3/4 gallon of tequila, it was mostly mixed/blended drinks, then 5 bitch beers, a line of Jager shots, and a Irish carbomb. This was all over about 5 hours. I still remember the night and could still walk a straight line (someone else had started that one just as a dumb game).

Another time I simply wanted to see how drunk I could get, I didn't bother eating lunch or a dinner. Started drinking around 3, finished off most of the liqueur cabinet; a liter of tequila, rum, vodka, whiskey, and a 12 pack of mikes hard lemon aid. Still remember that night and doing some stupid shit but nothing I haven't done on just lack of sleep.

the worst i have done is probably throwing up in my sleep, 3 times that have happend. I'm going to die like that.

Only time I've really ever vomited was the time I took about 4 or 5 caffeine pills while drinking. Woke up the next morning, had no idea what had happened the night before, found a puddle of vomit all over my blanket.

You people need help.

They've had to pump my stomach 3 times.

>>6286735
And also puked all over myself about a dozen times

>>6282820
I thought /ck/ was fatass general

>>6282762

No
No
No
I have these while sober
No

Any other alcohols have the shits all the time?

>>6282762
A few years ago I had a big drinking problem.
>Drunk enough to shit your pants?
Yeah.
>Drunk enough to have inappropriate sexual thoughts about a family member?
Yeah.Got blackout drunk and propositioned both my older and younger siblings on two different occasions.

>>6282762
I was so drunk I lost my virginity to a mildly autistic girl while all my friends (and possibly the entire openair festival) were eavesdropping.

Good times followed by regret and emptiness.

I'm still looking for true love.

>>6282762
I woke up on a roof. No idea how i got there or where I was.
>still don't know.

First time drunk was this past new years

legal now

But I was going to the bathroom farthest away from where I was and threw up on this guys shoes and all over the hall

I mean, fucking everywhere

Friends girlfriend cleaned it up, gave them $100 th emorning later
But that's not the story, guy got mad that i got sick on his shoes so I punched him in the face twice, ofc I didn't want to do it but I did

>>6282762
Been drunk enough to hook up with a tranny off CL

Been drunk enough to stumble off the sidewalk into the busy road and fall down in front of oncoming traffic

Been drunk enough to throw a bowl of soup at a nice, innocent couple enjoying a quiet moment together

Been drunk enough to climb onto the roof of a building on my campus and smoke weed. Other times went into the building and smoked as I explored. (All at night)

Been drunk enough to pass out in my own puke. That's not a fun way to wake up, dried vomit stuck in your hair...

Fell onto/into one of my friends moms dining room chairs while blacked out, snapped off a chair leg completely. She wasn't happy about that.

Drank 2 40's of St. Ides in the parking lot before seeing Men In Black 3. Drank a 6pack of Milwaukee's Best Ice in the parking lot before seeing Fast 6 (fast 6pack for Fast 6, get it?)

These are just off the top of my head.

>drunk enough to shit my pants
no
>drunk enough to forget my own name
yes
>drunk enough to fall asleep in a bush
yes, for around 2 months I was a transient migrant worker, sleeping in a tent, when someone stole my tent, I slept on the ground in a sleeping bag with various things covering my body, this whole time i had to be drunk or I would've possibly fell into despair and killed myself, but alcohol made me not care about my surroundings as much.
>drunk enough to have inappropriate sexual thoughts about a family member.
yes, unfortunately, my sister is retardedly hot, and we sometimes drink together, we almost fooled around once, then we stopped realizing that would be fucking stupid as fuck; but at least we talked it out, and got it out of the way.
>drunk enough to commit a crime and not remember (no next day, I was just told what I did)
once again when I was a transient worker, sometimes in between work, I would have like a $50 $100 left, and I would use that for booze and weed, and i would steal food from gas stations and pharmacies. I more recently was arrested for drunk in public first time, I woke up in the middle of the whole ordeal being dragged from one holding cell to the next, with my head lolling to the side unable to form any sort of sentences. I really should have been in a fucking hospital. but thanks to the good ol USA they wouldn't let me just sleep it off outside. (I was passed out behind a bar they said sort of curled into the fetal position, they arrested me on the spot)

>>6286516
>Putting plants on cars
kek
>>6286564
We got super competitive with Super Smash Bros., with several poor losers in the group that would start real-life violence after games. Somehow nut-punches turned into an acceptable thing among us for the next 4 years. It was fucking stupid.
>>6286762
We do have a number of fatasses in here, but there's also a lot of crossover with /fit/ because of their crazy workout food consumption needs.

Alcoholism is a common 4chan theme, as is being young and stupid.

>>6286581
Kek I've done something similar, busted my knee falling down drunk and just went to bed. Woke up the next morning covered in blood and panicking until I remembered what happened.

>>6286968
>2 40's of St. Ides
Mah nigga.

>>6287073
i can dig nut abuse. my usual greeting at pubs with my mates was to extend a hand to shake and then drop them with a slap to the nuts.
FEAR MAKES THEM WEAK

>>6286550
tagging=fagging.

for fucks sake,man if you wan to express yourself get a pad and a pencil till you're good enough not to make the world a place worse off.

>>6286581
thats awesome

>>6283110
He was also drunk as fuck and didn't notice until later. We worked it out.

>>6286695
details

>>6286695
Please apply to a research centre, your liver might save millions of lives.

Either that or you're confused about how much you actually drank. 3/4 gallon of tequila is 64 shots.

>>6282762
Pregamed for karaoke WAY too hard on the subway, made it through one (admittedly fantastic) performance, went outside, pissed my pants and passed out in the trash

>>6287073
>Alcoholism is a common 4chan theme, as is being young and stupid.

That's because it's less effort than drugs, you have to have friends and wait around in a park
4chan is a community of lazy escapists

Some of you in this thread have really fucked up though, like I don't know if I should stop drinking or drink more to build up a tolerance so I don't do this shit, it's good to know I can always fuck up more by comparison however
A couple months ago I got really drunk and babbled about my older sister dominating me, I thought that was humiliating

I do not have a sister, I also talked about kittens a lot

>17 ish
>hawaii
>aunts wedding
>during the whole trip people asking me if I work here literally every establishment I go into
>pale as a ghost no fucking idea why people are asking this
>open bar after wedding
>barkeep absent
>drink a whole bunch of fruity things, eat some fancy things that were basically jello shots
>never drunk more than a beer or two/glass of wine beforehand
>sauced
>go on tirade about how I do not work here to cousin
>dance badly
>push bridesmaid into saltwater pool

Second story
>increasingly senile aunt makes bread pudding
>apparently you add rum to the stuff
>she adds probably 10 times the amount you are supposed to add
>pudding is swimming in juices
>nobody is eating it at party
>i eat half the bowel
>exceedingly drunk
>eat more
>vomit in an ice bucket
>collapse on a deck chair and get sun poisoning because everyone thought I was tanning

>hat is later found filled with poi
>hungover and hot/cold because sun poisoning

>>6287970
I've always been pretty artistic and transitioning into spray paint isn't too hard, just takes practice to get good can control. I was never into tagging and just writing my name everywhere, I at least made it look good and a lot of times I just do a piece with no name. I also picked decent spots, not somebodies property and not on the fronts of businesses unless they deserved it. Not giving a shit if you like it or not is also part of it.

>>6284382

Please let this have been one single night.

I've only ever pissed myself once, and it was not at a good time in my life. I had been thrown out of my apartment because my landlord was insane, and I was staying in an acquaintance's backyard because they literally had no room in their house due to hoarding. It turns out when you're living in a tent there isn't a shitload to do, so I was drinking pretty heavily most nights. I remember waking up cold and wet and wondering where my life had gone wrong, then showering and going to work. The tent never quite recovered smell-wise.

Dark times.

>>6284266
Mate

>>6288914
>sun poisoning
m8?

>>6289961
Like a sunburn but worse. You turn purple, get violently ill. It's pretty fucked.I got it once when I was 10.

>>6282762
>yes, on multiple (at least 3) occasions, and once shit my friend's bed
>yes, and my address, miraculously made it home, though, then shit in the tub
>drunk enough to, yes, but luckily I never actually did
>yes
>yes

>>6290056
Lol white people

>>6282870
>24 hours
That's not a bender, just a binge.

A bender lasts for days.

>>6290065
>all the money and power in the world
>require SPF 60 to go near incandescent light bulb
good deal

>>6282762
I got naked, locked myself in a bathroom and passed the hell out. They had to get an EMT to wake me up as I was unresponsive

Pissed my pants a couple times too, I should probably not drink anymore

>>6290147
Oh also I've gone to take a shit numerous times and just fallen asleep on the toilet

People would wonder where I disappeared to

>>6290065
goes both ways though, blacks can't into vitamin d up north.

>Last night of Rio Carnival 2014.
>Joining a Tour the following day.
>Sharing a room with another guy on the tour that night.
>Had loads of caiparinhas and mojitos
>all from diy street vendors.
>Smoked a joint with some other tour guys and locals on the Escadaria Selarón (Mosiac steps) while listening to these drummers pound out a good samba beat
>Everyone fucked off back to the hotel
>Except myself, this german guy, and this lebanese chick
>Woke up on the bathroom floor in my room with no idea how I got there.
>Reports say I was pushed in a shopping trolley by a brazilian kid guided by the german and leb after I passed out
>Also apparently tried to piss in the lobby and our room before my roommate locked me in the bathroom

Carnival was awesome, really recommend it even if you don't drink.
A boat trip a few days later with all you can drink shit mix caiparinhas put me off them for the rest of brazil, I've drank them since but they bring out the worst in me.

I have many more stories if this interests you.

>>6282873
Jimmy mcnulty pls go

>>6284102
> So drunk you grabbed a gun and went to the hood to smoke crack

Lel you were so shitfaced you turned into a nig

>>6290758

Kek.

I haven't been drinking long, but my as-of-yet low point taking my shirt off while singing Aerosmith at a bar on karaoke night. The lady in charge of the karaoke yelled at me, I was lucky not be asked to leave

Bitches was loving it tho

>Drunk enough to pass out behind the wheel crashing into a ditch and flipping my car over the gutter

Thats what happens when you're 19 and just take massive chugs out of a handle of whiskey.

>>6282762
I've only been properly drunk once, but the one time I was, well I'll put it into a greentext.

>be me, 18, between HS and college
>know some guys at the community college, they hear that I turned 18 recently
>parents are out of town, invite a couple of them over
>2 "Can I have a friend come over"s later we've got a dozen guys with fucking bongs and hookahs, and enough booze to plaster a team of Spetsnaz to the wall
>halfway through a litre of shitty vodka someone says something about potato guns.
>"Uh- yeah I have one in my closet, I built it a few weeks back."
>"Anything else?"
>"Shotgun and a Mosin."
>someone comes running out with the tuberwerfer
>it's a monstrosity, 6' long with a 4" bore and a 6" firing chamber
>>here's where things get hazy
>apparently I took a mostly-empty beer bottle, filled it with vegetable oil, wrapped it in steel wool
>fueled the spud howitzer
>rammed it down the barrel with a helping dose of what I hope in hindsight was oil
>aimed it blindly north, yelled "ALLAHU SNACKBAR" and fired it
>pass out
>wake up
>we're at friend's friend's aunt's house
>go outside
>we're now in San Francisco
>I slowly process where we are
>go inside, ask whoever's house this was if they knew what happened last night
>mfw I find out that I may have made a terrible mistake

TL;DR ended up nearly committing long-range arson, woke up on the other end of the state.

Apparently it landed in the bowling alley's parking lot and torched a bike someone had left there.

>>6285936
Is it bad i can identify this

>>6290814
That sounds like a boring bar.

i've gotten alcohol poisoning a few times but this is the only one i remember the most:
>be 17
>bored out of my mind one night
>find a handle of coconut rum in the cabinet
>never tried alcohol before, what could go wrong?
>pour some on ice in a plastic cup and go outside of my backyard to stargaze
>also bring bottle with me
>1 cup down
>oh wow that wasn't so bad; why are people so adamant about alcohol? i don't get the hype
>5 cups later
>finish entire bottle
>huh, i don't feel anything
>still staring at stars
>think to myself that it's time to go back inside
>try to stand up
>nope
>now on my knees trying to crawl to the door
>somehow crawling to the door becomes irrelevant
>end up face up, lying on the cold floor
>start laughing because the stars are just so fucking beautiful
>you know what would make this moment really awesome? music!
>take phone out and put on girly song that i'm ashamed of liking
>put speakers on full volume

that's the last i remember of that night. apparently i took off all of my clothes, destroyed every single one of my mother's plants in the backyard and somehow bodily fluids ended up on the couch in the living room.

my brother was the one to help me up stairs to my room. i was naked, hugging the empty bottle of coconut rum because i thought i should hide the evidence at the time. the next morning there was a huge pile of regret lying on the floor that stained the carpet. i never had such a violent hangover that lasted a couple of days in my entire life since then.

anything with coconut makes me want to gag now.

>>6291052
I was surprised at the lower pixel limit for recognizing memes too.

>>6282762
I shit my pants today, but it had nothing to do with drinking. First time it's ever happened to me, and I was horrified.

Surprisingly I have done none of these things, yet I have been blackout more times than I can count. I don't know if that makes me a good or bad alcoholic.

>tfw alcholic and all of these stories seem like normal nights out with my friends or child's play
Hmmm...off the top of my head
>got arrested for dwi back in october, case is still open (dropped a ton of money on a dwi specialist attorney) (got dwi by passing out a redlight. people came to help and i thought i was a diabetic that passed out in the car)
>passed out a bar and had to get carried out (i no longer attend due to trying to clean up my act a bit)
>told i had sex with someone with literally no recollection of it whatsoever
>totaled a car a couple years ago, somehow didn't get dwi then
>pulled over on freeway and napped in my car, only to wake up to two cops waking me up telling me I couldn't chill there. The chick cop asked me if I had money if they called a tow truck driver I could have my car towed to my friends place instead of getting a dwi. I said yes and it was arranged
...I feel like my stories should be more entertaining but they're really just sad and expensive. Damn if only I'd have known about Uber then...

>>6291323
If all these stories seem like a normal night for you, why are they so much more strange and entertaining than the shit you manage to come up with?

>>6283281
This chick is awesome.

>>6286516
>got arrested putting plants on cars

>>6282762
>One DUI, took my license, I now bicycle everywhere did wonders for my figure

>Waking up in some dudes house naked I think we sexed didn't find anything in my cooch so probably used a condom

>Blacked out and fell off snowmobile, was told later that the guy I was riding with didnt notice and spent a few frantic minutes backtracking

>got drunk at home, couldn't open bottle called 911, police were very angry

>>6291424
>>got drunk at home, couldn't open bottle called 911
kek

>>6291029
This is pure beauty

>>6288197
>That's because it's less effort than drugs, you have to have friends and wait around in a park
That's not how drugs work Nickelodeon.

>>6291496
this

>implying having to interact with a cashier is better than ordering your drugs off dnm

>>6291330
I don't know. These sound like the fun times I've had drinking...the shit I posted was just the shit that stuck out in my head with the worst consequences...

>>6286581
>at this point my drunk mind was just like "welp, I guess this is how it ends, oh well"
>so drunk I decided to finish the steak that was covered in blood just eating it with my hands

10/10

>>6282762
The drunkest that I've ever been was a serious bender with 1.75 L of cheap-ass Takka vodka and some absurd amount of 40's over a period of four days. I started on a Friday afternoon after I got home from work, then blanked back into consciousness to try to go to the liquor store to get some more, only to find out that it was Sunday. I then proceeded to get some 40's from my local convenience store to continue to get wasted until Monday. At the end of it all, purchasing my last 40, I was unable to speak to the guy at the counter, and had to just give him cash in a desperate attempt to get drunk. I was cut off with my Grandma visiting and I went into a borderline DT state to where I was hallucinating with my eyes closed, suffered some unspecified heart and kidney damage that persists to this day, and ultimately got fired from my job.

Note this is not counting the times that I crashed two vehicles, got in a car chase, attacked my father, and many other exciting stories to explain why I'm on probation now. I'm actually going to enjoy being sober for a year until I can hopefully shit properly again.

1st page here we go

Dave Chappelle is so right about white people

"7 shots of vodka, 5 shots of jaeger, 4 beers..."

Shut the fuck up and just drink

>70cl of JD drank within half an hour
>Party cup full of vodka
>Beer
>Mouth full of Rosea
>Peach Snaps
>Shots

that's all in 2 hours. my vision was so screwed swaying all over the place.

I'm so lucky I didn't live far or drive.

>>6290151
My alcoholic ex girlfriend used to do that occasionally. Well, usually a piss, but a couple of times a shit too. I didn't even bother waking her up when I realised there was poo in the toilet because I doubted she would be able to wipe her arse and I certainly wasn't doing it.

>>6294007
>white people

*american college bros

>>6282762
slapped my wife straight across the face one time.

>>6284282
time to do a phenibut cycle to hang up your bottle for good.

>>6285576
ben?

>>6282762
Drunkest I've ever been was probably at Otakon last year. I work security at conventions with a team, and while we do actually like getting paid to more or less just walk around and enjoy the convention while telling people to stop being shits, we actually go for the after parties.

Now, I don't remember the night, but I can assume it was the drunkest I've ever been, because, apparently, and I have no recollection of any of this:

After the main party started dying down, I went to another party with a few of the people. I was apparently one of the few still standing at the end of it, and even helped get people out and clean up the place. I then vanished, found my current long-distance love interest, and, at some point, was able to get into a hotel room that wasn't mine, and woke up naked, other clothes gone.

There was a crab beanie baby in bed with me when I awoke that morning, and I had to call one of my squad mates to get my boss to call room service to deliver me some new clothes.

I got checked and I didn't have crabs thank God.

Pictured, my favorite booze.

I slammed a bottle of whisky like Jim Belushi, face planted on a few tables at a bar, and almost Jimmy Hendrix'd.

>>6294007
you dont sub consciously inventory the shit you consume?

>>6294651
listen to this anon

This thread holds the roots of at least 5 raunchy comedies and 4 Oscar-winning films.

>>6282762
nope.
yup.
many times.
nope.
many times.

>>6282762
No
Nah
Nope
Maybe
Yeah, I think about it a lot

The last time I got really drunk I pissed on the grave of the namesake for the chemistry building at my university and was certain that I was going to be cursed for the rest of my life.

>>6294626
Me too, she's a cunt.

>>6282762
None of these.
The worst I've been is drunk enough to piss down a kids slide with my best friend at a play-park. I've also almost fapped in front of him but luckily, being a bro, he didn't let me. The first time I got drunk I cried like a fucking bitch, aaand.. lets see.. I think those are the worst I've got so far. I'm still young though, so who knows what'll happen.

I hung out with an rock band and got wasted. when i got to my girlfriends house i climbed in bed, passed out and pissed in her bed, she woke up while i was pissing and woke me up. TLDR she left me.

Worst thing i've done drunk? well...
besides what i've said, one night i got black out drunk when i lived with room mates. apparently i went into my room mate julies room and pissed on top of her clothes and the worst thing about it was that i gained consciousness while she was yelling at me, i immediately apologized and washed her clothes for her.

one night i was drinking at a buddies house and was blacked out drunk. i didnt hear about this until like a year after it happened. so i was in the bathroom and one of the lady's there needed to use the restroom. she enters and im fully exposing my penis. she closes the door, waits for me to finish then knocks and says "are you decent?" i said "yes" she comes back in, my dick is out of my pants fully visible. sorry caitlin.

one night i was at a stip club and one of the strippers had some booze (california law no booze in fully nude strip clubs) so i get wasted, black out. and woke up in a hospital with a black eye. i had no idea what happened. i looked through my phone and saw pictures of a strippers ass and a security guard coming closer and closer each picture.

I got so drunk I raw dogged a girl who was new to drinking and got her knocked up. I moved away after that. I wonder if she got an abortion. Also I came in her alcohol mixed it and watched her guzzle it down. Told I put in salt :) this is such a hot thing to do.

>>6282762
Once when I was 19 and out of my mind on over 100mg of intranasal adderall and weed I decided to squirt about 4oz of bacardi rum up my ass. I'm pretty sure I oded because I sat naked on my bathroom floor for like 5 hours barely moving and I shat blood for a few days after because putting 80 proof booze in your butt is not a good idea.

Once I turned 21 I stopped doing illegal drugs and just became an alcoholic. I pretty much only drink alone so all I ever do when I drink too much is pass out then throw up when I wake up.

Wife is Asian. Be Mexican. Drink to much because it's my weekend. Go overboard start talking to ladies on streets. Go out on date with tall blonnfie. Come home to wife yelling at me. Get mad force her to get intimate. Yells for me to stop get so horny thinking of her as the blonde. Go to town on her. Raw. Afterwards I cry because of what I did. That's why I'm 3 months sober.

>one time i drank a bottle of vodka by myself withing 2 hours in the club
>i woke up in my house
>didn't know how i got there
>mom is freaking out
>friends tell me i passed out while walking
>fell streight on my face
>one side of my face is bruiced

>2 years later
>slamming beers with friends at a bar
>i get drunk fast because i didn't eat anything during the day
>go to the restroom to take a leak
>shitmyself
>NOPE.jpg
>nobody is in the restroom
>put a bunch of soap in one hand
> go to the shitter and trey to wipe all the shit form my boxers
>good thing my boxers absorbed all the shit
>take them off
>put soap inside the jeans just in case i smell, or the shit juice leaked out
>throw boxers in the thrash

>>6295387
Congratulations, you're a rapist

>>6295387
>Wife is Asian. Be Mexican
Mi negro

my wife is also asian, and im a mexicunt too

>>6295405
fuck my grammar, im fucked up :)

>>6295387
>shitskin rapes someone
Well this checks oout

>drink until I literally cant stand, I keep trying and make it about 3 inches off of the floor before my body gives out
>SHOTS!
>shoot up
>take three shots like an idiot
>lay back down
>puke a fucking ton
>know what would wash this down?
>GIN!
>drink a half full scotch glass of gin
>someone makes a comment about how the fuck can I even stand right now
>"no clue...I should go change"
>walk to my room
>change
>apparently pick matching cloths by the grace of god
>come back out
>drink more gin
>remember everything
>spend the entire next day puking and shitting
apparently I drank more than anyone at the party....I feel like I should be dead because I lost count at 10 shots..and like two half glasses of gin. My super power is being the most coherent drunk and I have yet to black out.

I've always been a responsible drinker, never blacked out, never even puked.

But this once I had a party at university, ended up going away with another guy and two chicks.
Went to a bar, turns out one of the chicks is a "rich-daddy" girl and she just keeps ordering shots one after another.
And it keeps just going and we're not paying and just going and going and going...
Shit is starting to get lost, remember some dancing, remember some vague almost-passing-out in the bar toilet, then more shots, then some taxi, next day I wake up in a bed in a completely fucking pick room in some rich-ass house.
I walk around, eventually find the other guy in another room. We both walk around, there is nobody in the house, just entirely empty. Defo some millionaires lived there. And not a single soul in it other than some cats. We shrugged it off, amazed by the trust and hospitality, took some kellogs from the kitchen and gtfo there.

>>6295450
>>6295409
My mother is Iberian whore and. Father is native American of southern California. Felt just like how ib imagined Spain felt raping natives

Deep down I wish I got her pregnant this way. I hate the morning after pill.

Worst & best I've had.

>my birthday party, turned 20
>getting shitfaced with friends at someplace
>hadn't been drinking for a while so my tolerance was at an all-time-low
>decide it's not good enough here, we gotta drive over at x
>we had a non-drinker with us, so it's cool
>so we get in the car and drive
>damn, this car all wobbly and shit
>I'm getting nauseous
>then we're driving over a bridge
>a fucking bridge, nowhere to stop, speed limit is also increased
>going like 70 kph
>I'm sitting in the back, right side
>friend sitting next to me is like "anon, you look bad, you okay?"
>I reply "y-yeah"
>he's like "are you sure?"
>at this point I just open the door in a driving car and start throwing up
>I miss the gap and the vomit hit's the window, some of it goes back inside the car, some of it out
>the guy driving it can't stop, so he accelerates
>I just keep going
>vomiting out of a car trough open door in live traffic while going 90kph on a fucking bridge

I have a Gf currently but when im single and get really drunk, I get embarrassingly rapey. The next morning and the following days I usually feel really guilty but then some more time passes and I start to think its a hilarious memory.

>huge party at our place, organized by one of the roommates
>some girl gets really drunk really fast and smokes some pot so she starts to feel bad
>she goes to lay down on my bed because reasons? i guess my room was empty atm
>at the end of the night im hammered and I lay down next to her without saying much
>she seems conscious, I grope her boobs for a couple of minutes and then pass out

>go out to drink with a friend and some other people
>theres this really shy introverted girl that doesnt talk much
>i get shitfaced and at the end of the night she's talking to me for some reason
>im extra horny and think to myself "well why dont you try and kiss her"
>im so clumsy I cant event kiss her properly, just brush her face, she's not sure whats going on here
>no scene or anything so thats good
>she gives me a glass pint she stole earlier as a gift before leaving

>go to this other huge party and quickly get hammered on red wine
>party is boring as hell
>theres this girl there that I know she likes me but havent done anything because im not interested
>I go to her and whisper in her ear to go with me to the toilet
>we go and I whip my dick out, she gives me a blowjob

Im not even sure why I do these things, im not really that sexual when im sober

>>6295484

Somewhat similar. I'm not rapey when drunk but I just hit on most girls i see.

>i always end up making out with some slut at the club or parties
>go to house party
>my crush is there
>"holy shit i might grow some balls and make a move"
>next thing you know its 3am
>we are seating watching a movie
>i start making out with ANOTHER girl
>i don't realize im making a mistake
>everyone looks at us
>like i give a fug
>take girl to a room
>we make out some more, get her naked, suck some titties.
>suddenly someone opens the door then closes it quickly
>hear "i think they are fucking" followed by a laugh
>10 mins or so later she leaves, gives me her number
>pass out
>everyone thinks we fugged, they insinuate all morning
>im like "nah bro, we were just making out, i was drunk!"
>everyone looks at me dirty, i feel dirty

2 months later
>another house party, same people (no girl this time)
>got super drunk
>tell crush i love her
>she tells me im stupid, she cant date me because she isnt ready for a relationship
>month later she moves out of state

thats the worse thing ive done i guess. she probably thinks i fuck random girls all the time, when in reality im still a virgin fag.

>>6295484
I feel it man. I really just want to be friend and nothing more. Until I start drinking. My heart n and stomach get Warm and I have a huge desire to bite women's assess or nips. and to hot dog them.

>>6295493
>>6295488
Thank you for the understanding

>>6295496
Man sometimes I drink on public ttansport. And talk to fobby Asians who barely speak English. I just want to make out and tongue them for hours. At least till I sober up. I have to get drink in Seattle girls say no up here way more then in Tokyo La atl and Beijing. Not sure why but it is depressing.

>>6282762
Stumbling and typing incoherently drunk.

i just start speaking english in different accents, i start talking in with one type of accent for the rest of the night
sometimes like a Scottish (straight up like demoman form TF2)
sometimes Japanese
sometimes Chinese
sometimes Mexican
sometimes Australian

i grew up around people that had these accents naturally

>>6284826
>worst date of my life
What happened?

>>6284467

>drunk as fuck male calls female friend telling her he wants to fuck her
>gets told to fuck off or heheh you're drunk dont say things like that, we r jsut m78s

>drunk as fuck female calls male friend saying she wants to fuck him
>cool lets fuck

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>>6284429
write it, cunt

One time I let my best friends sister blow me in the back seat of the car while he was half passed out in the front. And the driver was gay and I let him pull over and watch. I feel terrible.

>>6295553
I wish to do this. Hard to make friends in Seattle though.

Drunk enough to be arrested for public intoxication and outraging public decency.

>>6282762

>be me
>go to party
>best bro comes hands me a cup filled with something.
"i want you to finish this by the time i get back"
>finish it in 4 large gulps.
>go sit with some friends making hookah with some vodka in them.
>talk a bit feel really noice
>go drink 5 shots of absolut
>have 12 more drinks of juices mixed w gg
>pass out
>few days later
>snapchat full of me passed out/doing stupid shit

;-;

but man that was a fun night would do again, the hangover was pretty shit though
also any tips for recovering easy from hangovers/going longer without going all out?

Does anyone else despise playing drinking games? It just seems so juvenile. I just drink and I get drunk. There's no need to make a game of it. I'm an old haggard alcoholic though.

>>6285550

This guy wins.

>>6295702
Drina lot. I can do 15 shots of 151 only cause I drink like 5 - 10 liters of water

>>6295492
Reminds me of the time I got wasted and made out with my crush's ugly friend in front of her and then my crush never spoke to me again. I don't know why I did it, my crush was clearly into me and she was by far a better catch than her friend.

>live in Berlin
>go to a party
>drink a lot
>a LOT
>6 am decide I'm too drunk for this shit
>on the way home
>get the idea i should suprise visit my girlfriend who studied in Leipzig at the time (200 km away)
>get on a train without a ticket
>get kicked off the train in Wittenberg halfway between Berlin and Leipzig
>somehow talk myself out of a fine for travelling without a ticket
>come home around 10 am
>fall asleep and forget everything
>wake up extremely hung over
>check my wallet
>find one way ticket Wittenberg -> Berlin
>WTF???
>start to remember
>remember that my girlfriend is currently on a field trip and wasn't even in Leipzig

>>6282762
Yes
No
Yes
No
Yes

>festival
>just drinking and drinking
>end up throwing up in my tent and shitting my pants
>stumble to toilet, throw underwear in toilet
>was apparently at toilet for 3 hours according to brother.

>>6295522
It was this super-awkward weeaboo girl who had never been on a date before. The movie/dinner/taking her home was all cringe-worthy on her part, and she tried to make up for it by brewing tea for both of us.

Despite a bad feeling in my guts I initiated make-outs during tea. She sucked at kissing, but I was pretty horny and frustrated and kept at it. Somehow I convinced her to give me a blowjob. Two minutes into giving me truly awful head, she sneezed.

Rest of the night involved a hospital trip and three stitches in my dick. There was no second date.

>>6291029
You magnificent bastard.

>Two years ago around Christmas time
>At a party taking pulls off random bottles and getting high
>Friend's neighbors have goddamn loud inflatable lawn decoration
>Run upstairs to friend's room, search for and find and grab his pellet gun
>Go outside and shoot two into Frosty's smug face
>He deflates slowly
>Start laughing uncontrollably, people from the party rush outside to see what was going on
>They find me curled up in the driveway laughing hysterically while choking out the words "Frosty is melting! Melting!" and "This is the winter of HIS discontent!"

The only thing I really remember after that point is my friend's GF told him he needs to find better friends. He never got caught for my retardation, though.

>>6282762
.32
>Wasted tax payer money because someone called the hospital
>Didn't black out
>Remembered everything I did.
>Didn't throw up
>Didn't have an accident
>Didn't commit a crime
>Didn't send any embarrassing texts
>Did tell a nurse "You are hot as hell"

I'm an alcoholic so I've got about a million of these stories. I know for you kids you've all got THAT ONE TIME I GOT SUPER DRUNK story, but this is my life.

>gf is tiny
>i'm almost 300 pounds, over 6 feet tall
>she gets drunk after two beers
>I've had a bottle of red wine and three beers
>still not drunk
>she keeps asking "are you where I'm at yet, bro?"
>still totally sober, I say "no, but I'm going to catch up."
>finish all the beer
>drink another bottle of wine
>all of the alcohol catches up with me
>black out
>wake up next to my gf in a piss-soaked bed

I tried so hard to blame it on her, but she knows I'm the alcoholic in the family so there was no denying it in the end

Every time I drink, she makes me put on a diaper as soon as I get just a little bit buzzed.

>>6286279
Topkek

What a crazy story

>>6296219

Yeah, but there must be a time you got EXTRA drunk. Drunker than usual.

>grapefruit juice and vodka
>living with my sister
>get hammered
>wake up in the middle of the night and piss all over the kitchen
>on the dishes in the sink, on the stove, all over the walls and counters
>sister grabs me and pushes me into my room, locks the door
>a few hours later i get up again
>bust down the door
>i start unplugging every electronic device in the house
>"the americans are listening." i keep saying
>she tries to stop me
>i slap her hand away
>she tries to push me back into my room
>i loom over her and pin her against the wall
>lose interest and tumble back into bed

I woke up to a dozen texts from her saying how much she hates me now and how she almost called the cops because she thought I was going to kill her. I don't remember any of it, of course.

>>6296248
Uh, let's see
>get home from work on Friday afternoon
>drink three beers and eat a pizza
>drink three more beers
>panic mode; weekend impending with no booze
>drive drunk to the 24-hour grocery
>pick out two refrigerated six packs of tall beers
>also a bag of frozen chicken and a head of lettuce
>standing drunk in an empty cashier's lane for almost an hour
> holding all of this cold stuff
>get frostbite on my arm
>someone finally notices me and I pay them
>drive home drunk
>get inside
>remember i had a bottle of vodka in the freezer
>make a "bloody mary" (liter of vodka and some tomato juice)
>cook the chicken while drinking beers
>make a giant bowl of lettuce and chicken
>eat all weekend from that feed bowl
>while drunk for 48+ consecutive hours
>went to work on Monday still drunk and soaked in my own urine, wearing the same clothes I'd had on all weekend

why does everyones story include a version of them pissing somewhere??? i knew one guy growing up who pissed in some dudes closet but no matter how drunk i am i always find a toilet and never had/have the urge to piss on other peoples shit.

i can think of only one instance where i was puking on the way to the toilet, but the thought and effort to get there is always there.

dumbest shit ive done drunk was around 13 years of age
>be hick kids growing up innacountry
>be drinking at local park with buddies
>buddy stole some .22LR cartridges with the intent on detonating them somehow
>other buddy who lives nearby gets a bright idea
>comes back with a splitting axe
>decide to start chopping at the bullets on cement
>none of my friends seem to have any luck and i get my chance finally
>one shot one kill
>eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
>older dudes were watching us with curiousity, one in particular leaning up against a basketball net post
>PING ...the casing or bullet im not sure which deflected off of said post
>get chased down and beaten on for what was effectively a near death experience for him

>>6286695
>3/4 gallon of tequila
My ass, unless you're Andre the giant I don't believe that one bit.

>>6295527
Trouble?

>Drunk enough to shit your pants?
No
>Drunk enough to forget your own name?
No
>Drunk enough to fall asleep in a bush?
Not a bush but a snow bank. Super fucked at a house party. Too tired to walk home and the snow was comfy as fuck. Slept for an hour or so and walked home.
>Drunk enough to have inappropriate sexual thoughts about a family member?
No
>Drunk enough to commit a crime and not remember it until the next day?
Yes. Accidentally walked into the wrong house, walked in the kitchen and cracked a beer. House owner came downstairs with a bat and according to the police report I said something along the lines of "If you really wanna defend your house you should buy a shotgun. I'm selling one if you're interested"
Spent the night in the drunk tank and had to write a nice letter to the guy so he didn't sue me for trespassing.

>>6295702
Eat greay foods, drink atleast half a glass of water for every glass of alcohol you have or something like that. And I've heard that taking a shot of alcohol the next day helps. Not enough to get drunk, just a shot or two. This is just what I've heard but I'm not one that's much to talk, last saturday I drank the most I've drank so far and then next day I was hung over for the entire day for my first time. It was just a full day of feeling like I need to puke but not being able to for some reason. Shit sucked. I think I'll stick to beer.

>>6284266
I hope you die the same way, fucking faggot.

>>6296339

>why does everyones story include a version of them pissing somewhere??? i knew one guy growing up who pissed in some dudes closet but no matter how drunk i am i always find a toilet and never had/have the urge to piss on other peoples shit.

i can think of only one instance where i was puking on the way to the toilet, but the thought and effort to get there is always there.

Yeah I don't really understand it either. The only time I don't piss in the toilet is if I'm outside but I always piss in a logical, private spot like in a bush or something. Same with puking, although I very very rarely puke after getting drunk. I guess I did piss down a childrens slide at a play park once but that was only once and it was also for the luls.

I wanna get shitfaced but I don't want to get caught and lose my federal aid and I don't want to lose my glasses.

>alcoholism is bad

>>6296511
That could have gone a lot worse. Guy sounds reasonable.

>>6294007
>not being white
idktf ;_;

>>6295387
>>6295471
>>6295174
>one night i was at a stip club and one of the strippers had some booze (california law no booze in fully nude strip clubs) so i get wasted, black out. and woke up in a hospital with a black eye. i had no idea what happened. i looked through my phone and saw pictures of a strippers ass and a security guard coming closer and closer each picture.
Best stories yet

>>6286123
> Cops watched me leave and let me drive home even though I was still wasted.

im calling bullshit on that.

instead of having to retype it all, i just screencapped my story.

Woke up one day with a kitten. I don't remember how or where I got him, but he's been my bro for about 3 years now.

>>6296237
>gf makes your alcoholic ass wear a diaper instead of straight up leaving you

That's true love.

>>6284266
m8...you should have just given it some food or something...even some beer

fuck

>>6284282
>No idea how I got there, but she cried a lot when I asked her about it.

That's pretty funny.

>>6283281
Lizz?