/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>6123088
Tried to make a really good dessert thing once. I was eating banana and thought that if I fried it in a pan with some brown sugar that it would be good, but it turned into burnt sugary goop instead.

>>6123088
to make...

>>6123104
one of...

>>6123109
These.

>>6123088
thought it was a pavlova tbh

>>6123112
What the fuck is that, white trash Stromboli?

>>6123193
Meatbread, bitch.

>>6123112
That looks delicious, but I would prefer the loaf to be some kind of jalapeno bread.

Looks like a DP Dough

>>6123112
This fuckin ish made me belly laugh. Craft singles?

>>6123088

I made brownies that ended-up like microwave brownies...like a thick cake. Weren't very good, but we ate them all.

I also made banana bread/cake, but it ended-up pretty much uncooked. I didn't think about the soluble fibers in the bananas, so it ended-up doughey. We ate it all too, though.

What else did I fail at.......dunno. Those were my two big failures. I also made bread, and they ended-up too thin for my boyfriend to make sandwiches with, the slices were like wide biscottis, he didn't like that.

Not been baking much recently because I need yeast, and I haven't found a stable and reliable source of it yet. I found a bag of some unknown brand at a close-by store, but it was the only one left. I'm not even sure if it's an item they're going to restock, so...

Sucks.

try and guess

>>6123315

I forfeited the pie crust, and trashed it. The custard, well it was great in the pot. My process needs a bit more work. It became a pudding-like substance.

I had a Russian friend, once. Speedy. I met a bunch of Russians, since. Nice people. Not the most intelligent or sophisticated guys, but very straightforward, honest, direct, thorough, there, present.

They mean well, and do their best. I can generally say that I like Russians. I could sleep very well next to a Russian.

A meal for St. Patrick's day? I never heard of such thing.

Just ... please don't hurt me anymore. Please don't lead me on.

Kevin, I am the liquor.

>>6123376

Kevin got a restraining order when I got to his apartment, if all goes well, I'll never see him again, and if you guys cooperate, I'll never hear about him again.

My boyfriend is real, he's sleeping behind me.

>>6123315
>What else did I fail at.......dunno. Those were my two big failures
You're 3rd and number 1 failure is at life, you fuck.

>>6123470

One of the reasons I obsessed so much about Kevin was because he hadn't broken-up. I have borderline personality disorder, and he was taking-up a space in my brain, though wasn't using it. The spaces are very limited. He had also explained that he had multiple personality disorder, and he was a mess when I met him. Didn't think to let me know he was OK after, so I felt responsible. "I'm crazy, I want to be your boyfriend, I'm not going to see you but I've not broken-up = please help me.", no? Well he seemed fine when I managed to find him, he got a restraining order, and thinking back, I tried to get rid of him when we first met.

I don't think my boyfriend would let Kevin or his friends anywhere near me, and it's comforting in a way. I'm very happy it's over. I just want to go crawl in his arms right now and cry.

I haven't heard of him or about him in months now, or close to that. I just reset the counter, but I'd like it to keep it going. I'm happy with my boyfriend now, and I'm pretty sure he'd smash Kevin's bones to a fine powder to sell it as snorting coke to goths if he was ever to show-up again.

I'd like to never hear about Kevin again. I'm glad I rid my conscience of him, and I'm doing the best I can to rid my existence of him.

My boyfriend is awesome, he keeps me safe and I love him very much. He is nothing like Kevin. His friends and I even get along, even if I just really need to be alone with him right now, cry, and catch my breath...know I'm really safe and that it's really over.

I don't want to talk about Kevin ever again, OK?

>>6123525

Your boyfriend is Kevin. Kevin is your boyfriend. They are one and the same on the inside. Think about it.

Note, use "sushi" rice for onigiri. Medium grain is still not small enough.

>>6123529

No. My boyfriend even has an x-ray pin. Kevin's very much dead.

>>6123539
>Kevin's very much dead

No, who do you think is running your boyfriend's brain? How can you not see the signs?

>>6123525
It'll never be over Patrick.

>>6123542

I might've spent a total of...36 hours with Kevin. Me and my boyfriend spend several days continuously together...I work from my place...

>>6123539
Your boyfriend is a hummingbird.

>>6123543

Sorry, I don't have the permission to be here anymore.

Bye.

>>6123340
Is that a whole fucking tomato?

>>6123088
I broke down in tiers when I couldn't figure out the double dutch oven broiler for my chocolate marshmallow brownies. Me and my aunt were both bringing the same thing to thanksgiving to see who could do it better, and that cunt won.

Today I tried to substitute Greek yoghurt for sour cream in a recipe and it curdled.

>tried to make an omelette
>it stuck to the pan
>ended up with half raw half burnt scrambled eggs
>ate it anyway

>>6123301
Holy shit I didnt know there were more than two DP Doughs on earth. Are you in colorado?

>>6123644
okay, the best implement for cooking an omelette is a fork.
you didn't butter the pan enough
if it looks like too much then thats the perfect amount.
up high to start, pour in the eggs and turn it down to medium.
move the first few curds around and let some more liquid eggs set, move some more curds around and by now there should only be a little bit of liquid egg left use your judgement as to if you want to form more curds.
once it is basically at the point where the top looks like scrambled eggs, start moving around the edges with the fork and the whole thing should be able to come loose from the pan.
fold it over onto itself until its a tight little log of fluffy tasty omelette.
invert the frypan onto a plate and put some ketchup on it you fucking philistine

>>6123723
> heating butter
> high

>>6123730
>letting butter burn
>having poor heat control skillz
>not living life on the edge

I made a cheese sauce with a bechamel base out of order because I was out of milk and wanted to get started because it was getting late and the person bringing groceries hadn't arrived yet.

Yeeeah... mixing a bunch of cheese directly into a roux ain't gonna happen that easy. An oily, clotted mess is what that became. Had to start all over, there's no way the milk was going to incorporate into that.

>>6123770
I did that the first time, screwed the roux up/rushed it and then the sauce just didn't come together.

>>6123770
> cheese sauce with Bechemal base
... Mornay sauce?

>>6123738
You don't heat butter on high because of separation, not burning.

>>6123094
Are you implying bananas foster is shit or that you tried and failed at it?

>>6123800
who cares? its not a hollandaise sauce its just an omelette.
use ghee, use whatever as long as its buttery and you don't burn it.

>>6123088
Oh shit! Kill it! Kill it!

I was drunk once and tried to make a mac and cheese type dish with only spaghetti and kraft singles. it was one of the worst things i've ever eaten

>>6123644
i like my omelettes a bit more cooked

I've decided once to braise chicken breasts in garlic bechamel. Needless to say, the sauce has turned brown and sticky, the whole thing was more burnt than done and chicken came out fried.

>>6123315
I like it when banana bread is cooked like that.

I dint understand the fibers bit?

>>6123088
Everything I make with gluten free flour. Potato starch turns to rock.

>>6123556
I think a cherry tomato

>>6124028
Are those meatballs in there?

i tried those "5-mimute microwave brownies/muffins" once
ended up quite fluffy, at least while they were still hot. Once cooled down it became a tasteless sponge-like structure which bonded to the mug on a molecular level and it took a crane (and steel wool) to get out.

I will not try this again, unless i run out of insulating PU-foam for a crafting project.

>>6123088
Did you bake the stuff into raw dough or something?

>>6123618
>in tiers

>>6124756
yuuuh, no?

>>6123530
It's not about the size of the grain, it's about the stickyness.
Always makes me laugh at people trying to use non-sushi rice for sushi.

>>6124679
italian sausage

>>6123088
Give it to me i would make some toast out of it yum.

>>6124908
Oh boy that was a disaster if I've ever seen one.
Those rolls could not be called rolls.

>>6123830
I don't know. I didn't even know what bananas foster was until just now.

All I know is I had a craving and it went horribly wrong.

>>6123088

>>6123088

>Be 15, just learning to cook
>want to make food for my little brothers since my parents were at work
>decide to make cheesy rice as a side dish to go with simple dinner
>Read mom's recipe card and proceed with cooking
>serve dinner and sit down with brothers
>I try the rice
>Oh fuck...
>mfw I realized that I used 1 tbsp of salt instead of 1 tsp

I learned real quick from that experience to read measurements carefully.

>>6123088
Hahaha, wow. I remember the original thread. Every single mistake in the book. You spawned something truly evil that day, and for that you have my respect.

>>6123910
>Can't cook
>who cares?
>Posts on /ck/

>>6124028
That appears to be a semi-failed Calzone

I failed frozen yogurt by literally freezing yogurt.

>>6126692
I've done the same thing. Read online that if you stir it frequently it can come out like good frozen yogurt but I don't believe it any more

>make olive oil mayonnaise in a blender
>tasted fine
>few hours later
>huh, whats this off taste?
>few hours later
>HOLY SHIT THIS TASTES LIKE A FISH CRAWLED UP MY ASSHOLE AND DIED AND I SHIT IT INTO MY MOUTH

Took me a few more times to google it and find out olive oil breaks down and becomes bitter when mechanically agitated

>>6123112
what is wrong with you

>>6126744

it needs sugar and potentially more fat to have a soft ice cream texture

>>6126820
huh, I didn't know that

>>6126820
Yes only ever organically agitate olive oil.

tried to make blueberry scones with a friend once

they turned into grey rubber discs for some unknown reason

I've never had that happen before

>>6126820
interesting, I use plenty of olive oil when I make hummus in a food processor, and I've never had this problem

>>6126692
was it any good though?

>>6126915

You're not blending the oil itself like in mayo, and the chickpeas act as a buffer to keep the oil from getting beat up as much.

>>6126924
so which oil should one use for mayo?

>>6126916
Not really. The toughness of the ice ruins any enjoyment you get from the yogurt flavor.
Might be good if someone tried to make shaved ice out of this though.

>>6123315
>I need yeast, and I haven't found a stable and reliable source of it yet

Your moms vagina.

>>6123376
>>6123470
>>6123525
>>6123542
>>6123547
What the fuck is this autistic shit I'm reading and what does it have to do with cooking?

>>6126941
Rapeseed

>>6123112

>>6125672
well, the idea is sound
the dessert is kind of a showboat campy thing, but it tastes good
>wee fire

>>6123112
What in the actual fuck is this? Why would someone do this? Who would eat this?

>>6126941
Apparently it's just extra virgin that has this issue. So, just use anything but extra virgin olive oil, if the recipe requires heavy blending.

>>6126820
I would guess it has a lot to do with the emulsion and other ingredients and not just the agitation. I've made mayo with olive oil plenty of times, but always blended it with other oils (usually about 1/6 virgin olive oil ratio) because I've never wanted a mayo that tastes as strong as a nice olive oil. There are large food companies that produce olive oil mayonnaise, and I would bet they beat the hell out of it. I don't know of any that do it with straight E.V.O.O. though.

>>6123112
Why the fuck would you do this

I fucked up a trail mix once.

>>6123530
The one on the right looks good though, and the one in the middle is okay

>>6126833

>>6127245
>>6127286
It's surprisingly good, actually, when done right.
Pic related is better though

>>6126820

>HOLY SHIT THIS TASTES LIKE A FISH CRAWLED UP MY ASSHOLE AND DIED AND I SHIT IT INTO MY MOUTH

sounds like a scandinavian delicacy

Look at this shit attempt at making marshmallow. Especially funny considering I bought an electronic thermometer just to get the temperature right, and a giant bag of marshmallow costs $3

>>6127555
>Marshmallow
Are you sure you didn't accidentally a pic of raw chickens?

>>6127555

wow what the fuck did you do with the gelatin, it looks like squares of cartilage

>>6123195

>>6127572

>>6127605
Second.

>>6123340
Looks allright, but the mushrooms look raw and so does the tomato.

>>6127572

i can imagine finding mice doing that to my bread

id fucking stomp on them

id be fucking infuriated

infact i am fucking mad just thinking about mice fucking my bread up im gonna get my cat and go for a pantry cleaning

mopther fucking vermin

>>6123550
bye. dont come back

>>6127555
JESUS. I've made fresh marshmallows a few times. I even messed it up once, but it still looked way better than that.

Did you mix it well enough? Or let it set for too long before mixing it?

>>6127572
Free extra protein.

>>6124908
Bah, I just add a pinch of corn flour at the end of cooking if I use non-sushi rice. It works wonder.
I've even successfully done it with fucking spaghetti.

>>6125691
Why does that bread have a vagina?

>>6126692

I freeze yogurt all the time and eat it... It's more like a popscicle than ice cream but its still gud.

>>6124028
>any omuraisu I've ever tried
fuck that shit. First my pan was too small, then I tried a bigger one. With two eggs the omelet was too thin. With three eggs it was too stiff and broke in the middle. Also, the amount of rice that fits into an omelet is nowhere near enough for a strong european man. No wonder japs are so small

>>6129294
I recommend greek yogurt mixed with a ridiculously overripe mango. It actually turns out delicious, creamy and sweet without adding any additional sugar.

Honestly, I can't fucking cook eggs sunny side up properly. I get paranoid about the yolk not being cooked enough and I always cook it too firm, never runny. Also, doing it on an electric stove sucks.

>>6129133
>I've even successfully done it with fucking spaghetti.
what

>>6123301
>>6123661

the only dp dough i know of is in ithaca ny

>>6129617
>>6123301
>>6123661
what is DP Dough?

>>6127572

>>6123661
are we talkin the one on the hill?

>>6123088

>>6123112
how did you fail cutting a bread in two and putting sausages inside?