/ck/ - Food & Cooking

So start with chopping an onion some garlic and dumping onto a pound of ground beef, and a pound or so of stew meat on sale for $2.39.

>>4968303

Where's the liquor

>>4968303
Where is the gun? How can you cook without a gun?

>>4968331
It's there.

Anyways, don't forget to wipe the dust off your crock pot. It's been months after all. There was broken glass in mine, so this is a very important step.

>>4968303
Whatcha drinkin OP? Try not to pass out this time.

>>4968345
>There was broken glass in mine

What the fuck did you try to cook last time

>>4968353
Glass

>>4968352

Looks like Seagrams 7.

>>4968352
Stickin with the seagrams. I promise I will pass out. But this is part of the natural chili process.

>>4968353
My friend broke a glass over my bar area where I keep the crock pot. He was a terrible asshole and is no longer welcome back here.

Oh, you need to cut stewed tomatoes for the slop. A big dented can or so should do nicely.

>>4968358
I like to cut all around the top of the can, then press down to smash the tomato about.
It also makes it a little easier to drain the can of tomato juice, since I use some dark beer for most of the fluid.

But this is your show OP, you can do whatever the fuck you want.

>>4968358
"I'm so fucked up"

>>4968365
Good. I'm outta beer for the liquids so it's fucking tap water.

Now comes the most important part of any chili, and I'm sure you all will agree, the very necessary cans of legumes. That is, beans. Some people dislike beans in chili, but some people also put sugar in chili. I'll leave you to judge which is worse.

Anywho, drain the syrup shit from a can of kidney and garbanzo GOYA brand beans. Only use goya, spicks know their beans.

>>4968377
Go on...

Now this is actually the important part. The spices. After you dump yon beans and tomatoes into crock pot, I add a bunch of cumin, a heap of salt, some garlic powder, onlion salt and a tiny bit of pepper. I spit in it too. Then a bag of generic chili mix because you are a strong and empowered man who don't need no mexican. Look at that. Such a fine blend.

>>4968377
I'll just say this once. Beans are beans and chili is chili. A chili cook off won't accept an entry with beans. They are two seperate things that are not supposed to be combined. That being said it looks delicious.

>>4968377
>garbanzos
dis nigga outta control

>>4968396
Dis ain't no muthafuckin vegan chili

>>4968395
>I'll just say this once.
Once in every thread? Once a day?

>>4968395
>>4968396

Ah shit, don't forget to brown the meat. Keep the grease can handy, you'll need it. I like to see how long I can make the brease last and humor myself at the thought of chucking it at some pedestrian while I drive off laughing at the misfortune I caused them. I would never do such a thing and you are a bad person for thinking that. So cook the meat. Use a stove and a pan and maybe a spoon.

Jesus, can you imagine that? A mean can smacks you in the back of the head and you turn around just intime to see some jackass honk his horn and drive off as you realize that there are thick streams of rancid goo oozing down your jacket. The smell will never leave. The taint is all encompassing.

>>4968409
mmmmm...taint.

Meat should look as such. Discard excess fat and grease into an appropriate receptacle. Perhaps a coffee can. Do not drain it down the sink, this is wrong and will cause problems. Or do it. I don't care, maybe you like to live dangerously. Who am I to judge?

drink now

>>4968358
>not drinking that delicious tomato juice

>shiggity diggity do this

>>4968435
Down the drain it goes. I don't trust shit in a dented can from italy if it ain't cooked.

Also, you need to play appropriate chili music while performing this procedure. I recommend some good old Ennio Morricone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IE8YOvuhIcQ

On that note, toss in some high grade spaghetti sauce to the mixture.

Add some hipster sauce. Reddit told me all about it. It is the next hot thing. It's going to be on all the social media sites.

>beans

>pasta sauce in a jar

oh indeed please show us more of your stupid garbage you are a 10/10 cook

>>4968453
>toss in some high grade spaghetti sauce to the mixture.

niggawhatthefuckrudoin

>>4968567
Sure. Check out these dried out bay leaves that I add to the slop. They do nothing, but they sure are fun!

I'm imagining what sounds you would make if I chucked a can of old grease and rancid fat at you from a speeding car. It makes me smile. I imagine you would mock the fact that the discarded grease was not properly sealed with a smug and satisfied smile while it seeps down under the collar of your shirt.

>>4968586

try imagining a world in which you know how to cook

I know, it's a stretch

but look inside your heart

>>4968610
I'm closing my eyes. I'm breathing deeply...

Focusing... Like a laser... Breathing...

>Deep introspection follows. Worldviews are shaken, the very core of my being is disturbed

I open my eyes and think "This chili should be ready in about 12 hours on a low setting. I know how to cook. That asshole didn't bother me at all."

I shudder and am haunted by previous attempts to cook.

>>4968629
The horror...

>>4968633
...the horror

>>4968610

Hey man are you contributing OC? No?

Well then shut the fuck up and let the man cook.

>>4968641
He has a point. A poorly elucidated and misguided one, but a point none the less. He has cast me into a downward spiral of doubt and remorse over my every attempt to 'cook'. This was a harsh lesson, but one I feel I may have needed.

The horror. There is not enough whiskey in my house to flush the shame from my memory. The horror of it all...

>>4968629

Dude I know everyone's flipping you shit, but:
>garbanzo beans
>sketti sauce, JARRED
>sriracha
>bay leaves doing nothing to taste

It's almost like you're trying to ram a stick up this board's indescribably tight butthole.

I mean apparently we threw a hissyfit over a german dude calling his creation an enchilada earlier today.
Granted, it wasn't an enchilada but based on /ck/'s reaction you'd think he'd shot a puppy or something.

In any case this is better than any of the shitstorms V for Vegan ever posted so keep going.

>>4968655
I take offense at the implication that I am trying to stir up trouble. What is wrong with jarred Spagetti sauce? Do you have any idea how hard that shit is to make right? And what of Garbanzo beans? I been here a while and never knew that to be a point of contention. Do you think that I am some sort of jerk that 'get's off' on being a purposefully obtuse poster that only seeks to rile the ire of snobbishly effete /ck/ regulars?

Also, this here stew needs more brew.

Oh, and the poor German fellow probably didn't mind. They don't feel things the way humans do, so it was just water off a duck's back.

>>4968690
I use hominy in my chili occasionally. I don't think you should box in your cooking with "rules." It's really very limiting.

ANyway my only recommendation for you would be to toast your spices for a bit in the saute pan next time before adding to crock pot. It brings out their flavors and sears them into your meat.

>>4968690
I'm not saying you're trolling, it's just that /ck/ gets a massive boner for food purity.

I can't count how many arguments have been made between people who think jarred sauce is the only thing you'll ever need versus those who think you have to make your sauce from scratch every time.
Then there are the chili purists who think you should only have spices, tomato, and meat in a chili, and everyone who disagrees is a poopyhead.
Then there's the Le Redditor Sriracha being popular thing that /ck/ occasionally reminds itself about, and it being overhyped hipster garbage apparently.

You just seemed to have wandered into the perfect storm for /ck/ well-fuck-your-opinionaters to attack you.

Honestly I think this is a good thread, but godDAMN did you set yourself up good.

>>4968720
Getting caught was part of my plan.

FOR YOU

>>4968719
Why the fuck would I add anything like that to shili? The fuck is a hominy? sounds like a language trick. And cooking spice, now I know you funding with me. You fuckers are incorrigible. ya heard, incorrigible!

>>4968720
>tomato
Some folks don't even want the tomato. Makin Texans mad is a good thing in my book.

>>4968745
sonofabitch

>>4968772
Incorrigible.

Fuck am I drunk. See yall in 12 hours. When the chili is done. When we can rejoice at the fine meal and celibrate triumph. When we can become whole and dance together under god's own banner. That day will come brohters, that day will come.

Listen to this.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyEzvwpGea0

I'm not dead yet fuckers. Somebody tell me a joke before I pass on.

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vST6hVRj2A

Fuck this, I'm going to the bar. And I'm gonna play the wreck of the edmund fitzgerald on the jukebox.

That or some primus. While the chili stews. While it cooks and awaits consumption. Every spice and bean is being soaked and filled with the meaty goodness. Every fiber sold to the highest bidder of meatochricy. Evey rung rang! Every step heralded by savages and blood-thirsty goons!

Later.

>>4968567
>>4968584
>>4968655
>>4968720

Why would anyone not add beans to the chili? Such protein:fat, high fiber etc

Anyway, how would you guys feel about turkey chili? Or some type of fish chili? Like tilapia or salmon? Maybe fennel bulb instead of onion?

It would be something like this: Non-red meat - Kale - tomatoes - black beans/chick peas - then the obvious spices and such

>>4968901
>Why would anyone not add beans to the chili?
Because we're making chili, not bean soup.

>>4968901
Check yourself. Next thing you'll be telling me that's ok to make enchiladas without the chili sauce.

>>4968303
>we're doing it tex-mex tonight
>posts cans of beans
>pours cans of beans in chili

I don't think you've been to Texas or know anything about it. Bring that shit to a chili cookoff here and you will definitely be chased away and you might actually be murdered.

That being said I'll be honest. I've had some damn delicious "chili" with beans in it. They are pretty neutral in taste and don't outright ruin a dish, I'm just of the sway that they don't belong there and bring nothing of value to the table. I'm gonna give you props for using chunks of stew meat even though you used ground beef too. I'd say ground beef is OK as long as you have some whole chunk meat in there with it.

Should've gone to the store for a beer bro, inexcusable.

>spaghetti sauce
>sriracha

now I'm starting to actually get insulted. I think I broke an anger sweat with those two posts.

>bay leaves
NO.

Grats OP, you're one of the few people in this universe that I hate right now. Pretty sure thats why you took effort to post that garbage here, so good job. Mission accomplished.

Pic related, this is how people who actually give a fuck cook chili. Whole cut meat, fresh chilis, no beans, no tomatoes, topped with optional garnishings of fresh cilantro and Cotija queso.

>>4969001
>getting mad over "toss shit in and eat it" dish
l e l

Making chili with anything other then beef and chilies.

Heresy.

>>4968901
Apparently in Texas they don't add beans to chili because they don't add beans to chili.
I'm not even going to begin to try and figure that out. Maybe something something cowboys didn't no beans, but whatever.

Anyway, I'm sure you can make turkey chili and have it be decent. Fish I'd be iffy on, since it doesn't lend itself to cooking over long periods in my experience. I've never used fennel bulb, so I can't say.

The main thing about chili is that it's supposed to have the ground chili powder, obviously, but it's also supposed to be thicker than a stew or soup. You're also supposed to cook it for a long period of time to make the chili get sucked into the meat and whatnot.

People will probably complain and say stuff like "why are you putting that in there? That's stupid!". They may be right, but experimenting is really only a bad thing if you make something bad and refuse to accept it as such.
People get butthurt over some surprisingly stupid shit.

But on the other hand I'm not a Texan, and thus know nothing of tradition and pride in my culture or something.

>>4969206
Speaking from The Great State myself, most people are not terribly hung up on beans. Some people don't like them, some do.

It seems generally accepted that nobeanz is traditional and plenty of chili cook-offs specify that in the main rules but there are no riots again beans and larger chili events will have a chili with beans category right alongside white chili and other related foodstuffs.

The people who get the bean situation wedged so deeply and painfully in their own asses are the type you don't want to deal with for plenty of other reasons.

Also a Texan here. My parents put beans in their chili and I do the same. It's better that way.

OP here. I am sober and awake now.

>>4969001
Fuck Texas. You ain't got no horns, boy. Your hate feeds me. I will be eating my delicious chili and watching the cowboys fall from their 1st place in the NFC East to the glorious New Jersey Giants who went 0 and 6 to start. I will build a fucking statue of Tony Homo getting fucking in the ass in courthouse square. I fucking hate Texas. Go G-Men.

>>4969152
You're hershey

>>4969206
You sound too intelligent to be a texan. Fun fact, they are still trying to shoe-horn creationism into their science books and elected ted Cruz to the senate. Their governor is a dip-shit moron that couldn't remember his own talking points while running against Barack the Islamic Shock Hussein Obama.

>>4969275
You sound like one of the good ones. Austin?

All this aside, I need an asprin, a shot, some coffee and a little time before I serve this shit up.

>>4969767
Wow you're an obnoxious waste of life.

>>4968358
>Not exclusively using San marzanos.

Complete, fucking, plebian.

>>4969784
I love you too. But how could a waster make this beautiful pot of chili?

>>4968690
>>4968586
>>4968529
>>4968453
>>4968423
>>4968409
>>4968392
>>4968377

>>4969795

san marzanos are far from the best tomato

honestly, theyre only used for italian pizza more routinely than anything else

>calling people a pleb becasuse you found out about one special tomato

>this entire thread

>>4969815
we're not done yet. I still have to plate and serve the slop.

>>4969805
Except for san marzanos are perfect in chili with a bold base.

You know shit.

>>4969796
Where did it all go wrong?

This shit looks like ass. OP needs to be publicly flogged and barred from entering a kitchen.

>>4969825
>>4969817
ahhhh...nm

>>4969832
If I just post the flogging on youtube, does that count?

>>4969833
See, it all works out in the end. I'll plate it in a while, need to go to church first.

Goddamn it, OP. You were fine til premade pasta sauce and sriracha. Just get plain tomato sauce, add that in, add appropriate herbs and spices. Instead of sriracha, experiment. There're many peppers and ground dried versions of them in the world. No need to slather sriracha on/in everything.

Also, to the Texan shitting himself with rage over beans? Fuck you. I'm from Texas and I love chili with beans.

>>4969982
You offer some honest critique, so I will respond in kind. The sauce is just pureed tomato with neutral flavors. I do have a can of straight up tomato from the local farmers market but I'm not sure how it would affect the mix. I'm saving that. God knows why.

As for the chilies, well... i suppose that could use improvement, but as I stated, this is tried and true. It tastes fucking good and I am not going to waste money experimenting after recently making a significant financial investment.

The sriracha was only to enrage idiots that base their self-worth on internet fads or their hate against them. Besides, it's honestly a pretty good spice without the vinegar taint. Some people go so far as to call it sweet, but I have no idea what they are talking about. I used tons of hot sauces, but really it's just to add a little heat so it is of little importance to me. I am terribly white so I don't like it too hot.

Chili should be made the way it was intended. You're almost broke and have to use what was around. Also, Texas faggot should know Romo the Homo is going down in about 4 hours. Calling he chokes it in the 4th as usual.

>>4970066
>Chili should be made the way it was intended. You're almost broke and have to use what was around.

There is no possible way anyone could emphasize this statement any harder. Chili was made by cattle drivers taking beef during the trail and slow cooking it over a fire, with chili pepper to make it taste better.
It came about due simply to the fact that it was easy as shit to make with ingredients that were easy to get or carry.

Also if you just want to add heat to chili, OP, you could just add some seeds from jalapeño peppers in there. Darker the pepper, the hotter it is.
But you can add whatever the fuck you want, you get to eat it. I swear, people on this board don't see the irony in calling sriracha 'hipster sauce' because of it being so mainstream.

I also think many of the people bitching about "but that's not how Texas!!1!" aren't real Texans.

>>4970228
This person gets it. I never thought I would see the day when I would call a Texan some elitist irony tower lib, but here we are. Goddamn hipster know-it-alls.

So here is the long awaited end result. Sorry for the absence, I had to go piss on the top of a mountain and but floor mats. Chili in a bread bowl (of sorts) with store bought cheese. It was delicious.

>>4968303
>>4970445
>"Why Does He Have a Gun?"

You cheeky motherfucker
Must've been dying waiting to pull that out 'till the end.

Seriously, best batch yet. I think this will last at least a week. I will need to add jalapeno necks time though, it is pretty mild here. A buttered roll too. Oh, and some music.

Like this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpm-6ebmiv4 That's moe.down number whatever, I used to go every year but now I'm old. So I content myself with cooking and perfecting shit food.

Welp, I hope you all had a good time and wish you all the best. Until neckst time, this is the end. There will be no more photography. Until next thread... Maybe Mac and Cheese?

The chili is good.

Looks good OP, I would gladly eat it.

>>4970485
Be careful with Mac and Cheese.
It's a relatively simple dish and all, and there've been a lot of experiments with it (in the pnw at least), so I think /ck/ might consider anything other than Kraft to be hipster slop.

If you experiment with M&K as much as you just did with chili you might see those tards get mad, but I think it's funny as hell so go for it.

>>4970684
Will do. In the meantime, why the fuck is green bay overtime fucking with my giants action.

>>4970686
How about Sandiggy beating KC?
I had no fucking expectation of that happening.

And I know they're overrated, but what about the UO Ducks completely eating shit yesterday? Lost miserably, and their star QB is now probably KO'd for the civil war next week.
They fell fucking hard recently, goddamn nw teams can't ever finish a fucking season well.

Also did you make chili just for football lunch? You did didn't you, don't lie.

why don't you post as progun?

also gross chili but enjoy i guess

WAIT

is this a fucking Progun thread?

I thought he had a heart attack and fell down the stairs?

>>4969001
I'm also from TX and you're a fucking dumbass, everyone here eats beans in chili, I've never even met someone who doesn't like beans except on this board. Move your homo ass to NY or one of those other faggot states.

Also suck a dick OP your thread is shit and your food and kitchen look like a soup kitchen you poorfag.

>>4971317
You're a poor excuse for a Texan. My guess is Houston or Dallas.

Rule number one from the international chili society.

>1. Traditional Red Chili is defined by the International Chili Society as any kind of meat or combination of meats,
cooked with red chili peppers, various spices and other ingredients, with the exception of BEANS and PASTA
which are strictly forbidden.

>>4970799
>>4970864
he's not posting as me because he's not me

chili looks good though

>>4971368
also, i don't own any taurus'
last one i had i traded for my A-5

>>4971362
I don't think I've ever in my life seen someone object to beans in chili without simultaneously objecting to stuff like tomatoes, jalapeños, onion, and the like in the same breath.

Not that I think you're wrong, I just don't know what to think of you. I mean you did quote an organization that takes this thing super cereal.
This scares and confuses me.

>>4968610
OH SHIT

>>4970485
Good tunes op, enjoying with my spaghetti. Chili looks fantastic btw!

>>4971381
The only things people will object to are beans and pasta, as those are against the rules. I've seen water chestnuts, strawberries (yes strawberries), and all manner of shit in chili, I grew up on the fringe of chili cookoff society in central Texas where chili cookoffs are often scenes of intense drunkenness and redneckery. I once made the trip to Terlingua for the big one, not for the feint of heart. I work security for the local cookoff every year and have the pleasure of tasting some of the best chili in the Lone Star State.

>>4971362
You are the poor excuse for a Texan giving a shit about the ICS. Let me guess, you're from some trailer park in Whogivesashitville or even worse, you're from Austin.
Pic related, Texas chili you fucking embarrassment.

>>4971425
>talking shit about beans in chili
>defending a gaggle of idiots putting strawberries in chili
pls die my god you are an enormous faggot

>>4971485
I also agree with this anon that

>>4971362

is a terrible Texan giving the rest of us a bad name.

Source: I'm Texan.

>>4971425
Everything about this post is not what I expected, but also pretty cool.
I'd love to go to a chili cookoff like that one day, but I have the American work benefits package.