/ck/ - Food & Cooking

Any time I eat like shit for a while, I go on a smoothie diet for a few days consisting mainly of fruits/veggies/flax/protein.

I don't know if it's because of the detoxing or because I'm eating NOTHING but those fruits and vegetables, but my farts for the duration are fucking rancid. By far the worst farts I ever let out.

>>4827304
It's the flax m8

A chili recipe I make sometimes using kangaroo mince. You've already got your garlic, cumin and beans at work there and the roo adds a catalyst that makes the farts absolutely septic. They're not particularly numerous but they go for 4 or 5 seconds. I like to pretend I'm the Syrian government.

Broccoli turns me into a fuelsource.

French onion soup I won't eat it cause my farts are so frequent and so so so vile even for me

Egg salad sandwiches

Between the egg, mayo, bread, that combo could power a small country on flatulance alone for years...

Lentils are about the only thing but I don't eat them that much anymore since I became a Raw Foodist.

Fucking chili, goddamn.

I farted for a good 12+ hours after I last ate it.

No meal is worth that.

boiled cabbage.

the dog doesn't even want to come in the house when I'm cooking it and gets off the bed as soon as I walk in after eating it.

frozen taquitos

whenever I make oxtail, I put entirely too many Scotch bonnets in (can't have too many) and my farts smell like dog shit from a volcano for days.

captcha: ncythmy volcanic

>>4827293
I have no clue why, but the combination of Peanutbutter and egg. They are good alone but after trying them together once on toast I will never make that mistake again in my life.

>>4827419
what is your most calorie dense food source?
nuts?

~8 beers + california burrito at around 3am means the next day is gonna be brutal for my GF

Peanut chicken with broccoli was too intense for me.

Avocado

Popcorn after eating cauliflower

My gf and I were on bad terms for about 18 hours because I was laughing so hard at her misery

Pumpkin seed protein powder.

No lie. I use this stuff everyday, and for the first two weeks I used it, it gave me the WORST smelling farts I've ever, ever had. I had to fart at the pool when I went to swim laps, and the people at the end of the pool thought there was a sewer leak or something. No lie.

Eggs for me, don't know what they do to me but if I ever eat an omelette whoever's around better watch out for the rest of the day

Anything from Jack in the Box. Especially their tacos and chili cheese potato wedges.

>>4828690
Wendys burgers for me

Broccoli. After eating it, first I feel bloated and my stomach sticks out. Then after a few hours of discomfort I start farting.

>>4827293
When I want to wreck somebody's day. I eat the following over the course of a few hours.
1 head of broccoli half steamed half raw
1 Tuna sammich with beer to wash it down, the darker the better, they have more non-fermented sugars,
1 raw head of cabbage, get a small one
2 boiled eggs.

This will not just clear the room, but the entire damn block.

When I head out with friends for buffalo wings and beer. Beer farts, plus the nose stinging spice fart.

Heffeweizen beer
Swiss steak
Indian food
Fried foods

Cumin-spiced oven-browned onions.
Or maybe just cumin itself.

White castle does it for me

This isn't particularly surprising, but last time I even remember having bad gas is when I ate an insignificant amount of beans that left me with farts so hot that I constantly thought I had shit myself

Nothing, I have the digestive tract of a god.

>>4827293

>73/27

Oh god muh gains/losses

I love this thread!
Mostly because I love farting, but posting foods that will make me fart more is awesome!

Broth does it for me. Usually chicken broth is the worst.
There's this ramen place near my house that I love going to, very high quality stuff. I remember downing a large beef-ball ramen before swimming practice. Got there, then I realized that I had to fart. Bad. I tried letting them go as I was doing laps. Farted about 10 meters from a flip turn, so the bubble quickly rose to the surface, just as I wheeled back around and inhaled deeply.
It smelled like death.

Popcorn

>>4827414
This. Any onion soup causes the most frequent vile farts imaginable.

>>4834813
Not if you aren't a sissy snowflake with a wet tissue stomach.

Taco Bell and White castle
I managed to eat both during one very drunken night, and I had to wash my jeans twice to remove the smell.

I rarely fart when I'm eating stuff like broccoli, beans, and other natural stuff. My gut just really hates fast food.

>>4828455
hahaha same shit happened to me when I went swimming after eating seafood pho.

I fart pretty often regardless of what I eat, I guess because I mostly eat healthy stuff and most of it is greens.

The things that I have noticed though that gave me insane farts were broccoli, quinoa, and tofu. Mostly raw broccoli got me though. I've gotten better with it but occasionally I'll have a rough time. Oh and felafels. I ate a felafel and then ripped one in my friend's car on a rainy day and she thought her kid had shit herself.

>>4834661
Same! My stomach feels.like its full of air.

This.

I make it and I love it because its so good.

But then I get the most horrible gas that smells like dying animals.

Cured meats. Beef Jerky in particular.

>>4827293
>I eat granola cereals for breakfast sometimes and when I do my day is just one long horrible smelling fart and they're never the same stench twice. It's pretty enjoyable.

Finally, a good thread on /ck/!

>>4827293
I'm semi-lactose intolerant
basically what it is, I can handle any dairy with a higher fat content
I can only handle about half a bowl of 2% which is the most common, but I can drink as much homogenized (3.25%) as I want without adverse affects.

so I decided to order a skim latte (0.1%) at work, which was the worst conceivable thing

I was basically curled up into a ball on the floor in the back room with some serious rumbling going on

I'm very surprised I didn't shit myself.

>>4827293
posting stupid shit like OPs pic should result in a ban, seriously this isnt /b/ I dont think anyone appreciates shit like that

>>4836447
I appreciate it

Eggs, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, chick peas.

>>4836483
Me too.

Animal products, which I don't consume anymore so it's pretty odorless.

>>4836447
**tips fedora **

>>4827604
>I can taste the hops

This thread has made my eyes water because I am laughing that much. A great topic, and appropriate: boyfriend and I ate a massive stew today that I'd made yesterday and we are stinking the house out. Unfortunately we share our accomodation and I think our housemates might be sick...
Nothing beats a Sprout fart.

For some reason, fried chicken will make me have the biggest and most disgusting farts you could ever think of. I usually eat it before visiting with my relatives that I don't like...aka, the mother(bitch)-in-law

Bean sprouts
Broccoli
Popcorn
Chili
Beans
Thai food
MY AUNT JUDY'S DEVILED EGGS

I was kicked out of a family reunion for farting so much but also for drunkenly laughing at it so hard I fell into the kiddie pool when everyone started to act mad about the smell.

Literally everything my black gf or her family cooks. It's like they have an entirely different seasoning and bacteria that other earth food because my gut just comes alive

>>4838506
Everything that my mom's side of the family cooks used to make me fart. I think I finally determined that it's the water in their area doing it.

>>4827293
If your body isn't used to digesting a lot of fiber the bacteria in your intestines will release a lot of excess gas. With some people, it just happens regardless.

>>4838497
maybe you were kicked out for being a massive drunkard around kids you silly bastard

MOAR FART RECIPES

Milk

Oddly enough, oatmeal gives me zyklon b tier gas

Needless to say I eat it every morning

>tfw no gf lacking sense of smell

Meat. The whole rotting-corpse smell.

skyline chili

it's those wet, silent, clear-the-room farts that linger for an hour

Back when I was high school, we'd go get skyline chili dogs all the time for lunch since they were cheap and right next to the school. I'd always end up being so gaseous in english class right after lunch, there was this really nice girl who sat behind me and I always felt terrible for putting her through an hour with my rancid farts.

Peanut butter
Pretty much any fatty foods.

>>4841222
Brofist cincybro

Every goddamn thing I eat. I don't even know why or how.

I get super gassy every single night between the hours of 11PM and 12AM. It's always just gas from anywhere form ten minutes to half hour. I haven't been able to close my window in months.

Processed tomatos, the worst come from the sauces. Like chef boyard, or just plain pasta sauce... ugh. The farts are the only reason why I don't have tomato sauce on my pasta.

Sauerkraut, or any kind of cabbage, really. The lactic acid in the sauerkraut makes 'em especially nasty.

Fucking coffee. I still drink it pretty often, but by the second cup, I'm invariably farting and have to take a shit. I've spent more time shitting in my local coffee shop than I've spend shitting in my own apartment it seems like.

>>4828763
Good god, have you ever shat your self?

I once ate an entire can of Bush's Onion Baked Beans, then went to work. Let off gas all night, co-workers thought a gas main had ruptured.

>>4827293

Last time I farted a lot was when I was eating dairy...drinking milk, to be exact. This subsides rapidly for me, but as I had been vegan for some time prior, there was an adaptation period.

At work we try to drop our guts next to customers so it gets blamed on whoever is serving them that and bomb out the office so people have to go back to picking orders.
Worst was when one of the guys went on a flax oil and dried apricot diet, Not only brutal but would literately linger in the air for 5 mins

Kind of related...

Fucking pork and sometimes beef make my shit come out as this muddy, putrid sludge that takes fucking forever to clean. Not even moist wipes help out much. I rarely eat beef and almost never eat pork now.

I ate some potato chips with sour cream and onion dip at work and when I was ready to leave I ripped ass in the hallway outside of my supervisors office. It must have lingered because he came out of his office, and sniffed with a disgusted look on his face and did the thing where people open their mouth like they are dissatisfied with the taste of something. I hope he got a taste of it.

Saw it all in the round security mirror. Was trying hard not to laugh my ass off.

I was drunk and ate KFC that had been in my trashcan for maybe three days.

Those were some truly fucked sounds coming from my ass.

Garlic makes my farts wet and nasty

Taco bell will make them smell but not really horrible.

When I was a kid I used to go to this flea market with my folks and there was a place to get food and their onion rings made me a walking biological weapon.

>>4841859
>apricots
NOOOOOOOOOOOO
If you get the black unsulphured ones it's much better.

a pound of dried apricots. fuck yeah. i do it for fun when people are going to come over.

>>4841643
you could have IBS

Last Saturday I wen to this burger joint and had a burger called "The Hulk" which was 3 patties high, 3/4 of a pound. After eating that monstrosity I had the most foul farts the whole evening. They were really bad and just wouldn't end.

I wake up Sunday morning and the farts keep coming till about noon. Man that was tough on my guts.

>>4841643
this photo made me do a real hard laugh

sulphured dried apricots man ... I once ate a whole pack and had the nastiest farts ever. My mom opened the door to my room and recoiled like she had walked into an invisible wall.

MOTHERFUCKING lutefisk which i guess is pickled herring or maybe that was actually two different things they gave me in Iceland but they were both horrible and those along with all the delicious beer I was drinking made my anus, for the first time in human history, prolapse from farting I think.

I only got laid once in the two weeks i was there but when i woke up in the morning she was still pretty cute and even made me breakfast but she said in this qt bjork accent "yoor fooking asshowwl fooking STINKS! Eet making die-uh, how you saying, duck die sound.....uhhhh....dee sound of duck when die".

Still hooked up twice more before I left.

>mfw eating the same shit again both times and her bitching AGAIN both morning afters

MAYBE FISH SHOULDN'T BE PRESERVED UNTIL IT FUCKING FERMENTS YOU WEIRD ASSES

Falafel. Not sure why. I used to be a junkie and in case you don't know opiates make you incredibly constipated. Like there were some WEEKS where I just couldn't shit without a laxative of some kind.
But if I ate falafel it'd all be out in a matter of minutes and then I'd fart like crazy all night.

Nastiest was when I was hospitalized and they served me some weird kind of broth. Made my farts completely unbearable (like I would try to leave the room despite being too weak to stand) and took like a week to get out of my system even though I only drank a single bowl.

I drank some coffee today, which I don't normally drink and I had to shit before I was halfway done with my cup.

>>4827293
>this...


1 kg of shallots (preferably small)
olive oil
2-3 tablespoons of brown sugar
half a glass of red wine vinegar
1 glass of wine
salt and pepper
Preparation: Peel the shallots. Heat oil in a large saucepan and fry the shallots over high heat on all sides until browned. Add brown sugar and stir quickly. As soon as the sugar has melted, pour the vinegar and wine. Add salt and pepper thoroughly. Cover with a lid and cook over low heat, stirring occasionally. Add more liquid (even water) if necessary. Shallots should be soft and beautiful sughino very dense.

Tofu.

Volume and smell.

Popcorn, fibrous cereal, cauliflower, Chinese cooking, American cooking, Thai cooking, Japanese cooking, Mexican cooking, Italian cooking, Indian cooking.

Eating food basically upsets my stomach intensely but i don't have horrible shits, just horrible gas busts that don't smell human.

Rye! weird excrements and Gazprom style gas emanations.
Some edulcorants that destabilize my bowels.

>mfw this entire thread

>>4844115
>that image oh lawd

The worst farts and pooping I ever have had were from pie. My worst experience on the toilet was from apple pie which was probably expired (I ate half of it anyways). I'll never forget that night.
>waking up at 3:30AM
>oh man that pie must've done a number on me, I have to poop right now
>1.5 hours later, on toilet, sweating and crying and occasionally screaming as my stomach contracts as if I'm about to have a pie child
>finally I am out of hell and I go back to bed as exhausted as ever
>an hour later it happens again
I learned my lesson.

Pork and broccoli. I was farted in the shower the morning after eating a meal that contained both pork and broccoli and the smell was so bad I vomited.

>>4846895
This is the weirdest one in the thread, never heard of pie causing gas

Red bell peppers and garlic

sauerkraut

>>4847620
it was most likely the pies apples that caused it

I've had some bad stuff from apple pie as well once or twice

its all those 'EXTRA SECRET INGREDIENTS' people put into it, anywhere from mayo to nutmeg to god damn half rotted bricks of chedder

I have one.

Seseme Chicken from KFC. They used to have it for a while and I had been DYING to try it, but never got the chance to. When I finally did get to try it, it was as I was leaving the big city for my small little hick town. The trip home was okay, but when we went to sleep after our 3 hour drive, is when the demon spawn of the warp began to form out of my ass.

Now, keep in mind, I have crohn's disease, which is a thing that you would not wish on your worst enemy. EVERYTHING gives me gas, and when I have straight cow milk, it's time for me to break out the hazmat suits. So when I first began to fart, I thought I needed to sit on my ivory throne so i got up, went to the toilet, and made the smelliest fart I thought I would ever smell. It was pretty bad.... but thankfully, it was just a fart, so I went back to bed and went to sleep.

SEVERAL times I woke up and farted.... it was so bad though, that even I thought I had shat the bed. My wife, sleeping next to me, who is a fairly heavy sleeper, checked with me several times to make sure that I hadn't shat the bed. The dog that sleeps at the end of our bed got up and not only left the house, but went to sleep outside. It was rancid. it was like smelling something that had died while it was wearing sweat stained gym clothes that hadn't been washed for three days and had rolled in dog diarreha. The smell coming out of my ass had COLOURS.

Thankfully, my wife has forgiven me, but she's said that there is no way I can EVER have seseme chicken from KFC ever again.

I have crohns too, I am happy when I have gas cause at least I'm not shitting myself. (it's very painful after your 10th Shit of the day).

Chinese food, seafood, beef and raw broccoli all tear me up, I used to have to Shit before I could even finish my meal.

>mfw when PURE liquid shits

>>4848172
>mfw when PURE liquid shits
The kind that smell almost Sour?

I had those when I had some anxiety problems.

>>4848172
I only get those when I have to have something spicy or like beans/corn....

you just wanna strip naked and jump in the shower after those man.

>DEMfeels.avi

>>4841726
Once but not because I have had those food all at once.

Beans, onions, popcorn, shitty beer

Bump

>>4848192
eggs n milk will gimme dem shits too.

I try not to smell them..

Guaranteed smelliest farts in the US: broccoli.

Special mention goes to: eggs and onions

i had those franks hot sauce blue cheese cris cut fries at carls jr holy shit talk about bad gas my chair i was sitting in stank for a good hour after i had gotten up out of it