/ck/ - Food & Cooking

I just tried to make some applesauce, but put in too much water. I'm currently enjoying a mug of warm apple slurry. It's actually not too terrible.

>>4732873
wut am i lookin at

>>4732873
>be me
>be cooking rice last night to go under my homemade chili (i'm poor ok)
>rice is simmering away
allofasudden.jpg
>soap bubbles foaming up in the rice pot
>mfw i put soap in the pot previously and forgot to rinse it out

>>4732873
What is that.

I tried making hummus with soy beans once. I tasted so bad I had to throw it away.

>>4732911
My little sister (at the age of 12 or 13) tried making hummus, and didn't understand what a "clove" or garlic was. She added 3 HEADS of garlic.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/20154353/

>tfw bf was part of this

>I'll make pasta! It can't be that bad
>Watch video
>Well, I don't have a pasta machine like that, but I think a rolling pin should work well enough
>I like ravioli, I might as well make that!
>Dough was too wet, probably should have let it sit more after adding more flour
>After ~5 hours, finally made all the dough into ravioli shapes
>put some in a tupperware and into the fridge
>toasted ravioli is awesome! I'll make that!
>bread them and fry them
>dough is so thick and doesn't cook all the way through
>insides are so dry
>still tastes okay with tomato sauce dip
>next day
>accept that my raviolis are shit and open up tupperware to find they've all connected into this lump of dough meat
>decide to throw the lump in the oven and see if I can make it into a sort of meat pie
>"pasta" part comes out crunchy and did pretty much cook all the way though this time
>tastes pretty good with sauce, but way too much to eat in one sitting
>throw little bit of what's left out
>never again

>>4732873
what kind of abortion is that

>>4732873
Seriously OP, explain this abomination.

>>4732994
>>4732995
Failed Kirby-shaped cakes

>>4732998

>cakes

I thought it was some sort of offal...


...though, I guess it is all kinds of awful.

>>4732873
the fuck am I looking at?

>>4732998
>cake

I made tarts but with a crumble pastry i.e. flour and fat. So dry.

>3 or so
>Get some appy juice from the fridge and put it in my sippy cup
>This fucking appy juice is too motherfucking cold
>I shall heat it up in the microwave
>Mom is at work, dad is sleeping so no one can stop me
>Microwave it for however long
>Touch the outside of the cup
>It's cool
>Decide to try the appy juice
>BURN THE EVER LOVING SHIT OUT OF MY THROAT

There was some damage done, but I was fine.

>11ish
>Baking sugar cookies with bro
>3 tsp of Baking Soda
>misread and dumps 3 tablespoons of baking soda
>cookies look normal
>tastes like shit

Haven't made cookies since.

>>4732882
you poor, poor bastard

>>4732947
i am literally sat here grinding my teeth in irritation

what the fuck

>>4733150

get a load of this thread, its about a serious cooking fail

>4 years old
>mom is sick, have to cook for myself
>only bread we had was some frozen rolls my grandma makes
>toaster oven
>leaves to go do 4 year old stuff
>ends up burning and feel bad because I made my mom get out of bed to fix the fire alarm
>now live with anxiety issues while cooking

>apple pie in food tech class, 13 years old
>mix up the cinnamon and nutmeg containers like an idiot
>3tsp nutmeg, sprinkle of cinnamon
>inedible apple pie

>>4733255
He's just trolling like the pop tarts guy.

>>4732873
Not really cooking since it just involves cereal but still the scariest moment of my childhood.

>be me
>be 7
>chillin with gramps
>timeforraisinbran.jpg
>he pours us two bowls
>looks weird
>grampa is basically blind so he starts chowing down
>time for closer inspection
>Maggots crawling everywhere
>gramps already has 4th spoonful halfway to his mouth
>slap that shit out of his hand and take off screaming

It was a very long time before I had Maggot Bran again

to many to tell. baking is my worst. I just cannot get it right. and boiled eggs ( to make deviled eggs) at various altitudes and places. my worst was chicken pie. easy, right? not so fast. when the baking dish is burned you "put it in the sink to soak" then get rid of it. quickly. Some things I do well , some not so much I like cheese cake but another disaster. or even a simple yellow cake from a mix. well, that is not so bad. but not great

>>4733007
hey, I did not vote for him the first time but I did the second time. a two term president. many get shot for their trouble. I like him. and his hair is graying. I reckon so. eight years can be a looong time. . we could have done a lot worse. alot. now everyone is gearing up to make a run. I dread it.

>>4732873
whate the h*ck is this?

>>4732937
Woah! Sounds awesome! Almost an aioli.

>be 14-15
>making pancakes
>done it enough times where i can usually forego looking at the recipe card
>recipe calls for 2.5 cups of flour and .5 cups of sugar
>flip flop the measurements, .5 cups of flour and 2.5 cups of sugar
>batter looks normal
>cooks like shit and is super runny
> realized my goof
>brinner is ruined
>mfw

Put too much honey in first my pizza dough. Shit was pretty much honey bread with pizza toppings on it.

I'll never make it again and only my brother knows the true horror that was my first pie. Anyone after him got the refinements.

>>4732873
Those look like a bunch of misshapen dog penises

>trying to make mayonnaise
>try whisking it manually
>end up with gross egg-oil
>try again
>use a food processor this time
>pour oil more slowly
>still end up with egg-oil that's definitely not mayo
>ended up adding herbs and sriracha to make a really good dressing-type thing
>still not mayo, though

>>4734249
Another story:
>last year
>the Chick Fil A people just announced they were anti-gay
>stopped eating there but really wanted a chicken sandwich
>decide to make my own fried chicken
>recipe involves coating chicken in flour and egg
>season the flour with lots of garlic salt
>me, being the idiot that I am, mix the egg with the flour mixture
>creates dough
>wraps chicken in dough anyway
>fries it
>chicken is so salty it's inedible

>>4734284
>the Chick Fil A people just announced they were anti-gay
>stopped eating there

>caring that much about what some ceo thinks

>>4734284

>>4734284
I'm guessing you've started boycotting russian vodka as well

>>4734318
The best vodka is French and Polish anyway.

The impatient cake baker.

>>4734284
um, it wasn't news, it was an open fact they didn't hire gays.
>>4734300
No one gives a shit what he THINKS, it's where his money goes that makes the difference.

>>4734323
>he thinks grey goose is good vodka
laughinggirls.jpg

>>4734308
>liberals hate homophobes
>they boycott Chick-Fil-A
>homophobes hate gays
>they still listen to Queen

>>4734328
>implying I meant Grey Goose
>not Jean-Marc XO

>>4734328
france has other vodkas
ciroc and pinnacle are 'ok'

This is the old got drunk-put a pizza in the oven and forgot about it-chestnut.
Woke up the whole building at 4am with the fire alarm the MPs had to come shut off. So embarrassing.
>>4734318
Vodka is for teenagers and white trash anyway. Anything you can do with vodka can be done with twice the class with gin

>>4734342
>Anything you can do with vodka can be done with twice the class with gin
Two times zero is still zero.

>>4734332
I read an article by a gay guy who grew up in russia, apparently the hate is INTENSE. But they fucking love Queen there, like they were bigger than the beatles there, so they range from just assuming it's a lie, or that the AIDS or the drugs made him do horrible gay things, no faggot could make amazing music like that, i guess they figure.

>>/pol/
>>>/pol/
people on /ck/ generally agree that fast food is shit and chick a file is shit run by a tramendous faggot who wants to kill all dem gays. Only retarded shills actually pretend to like it or that it has anything to do with gay marriage.

Protip, making better fried chicken than these douche bags is fucking easy. just learn to brine your god damn bird. cut it up, put it in buttermilk with salt pepper and other seasonings that aren't spicy(if you want hot, add it in last) then sit in the fridge for a day, after that fry the chicken however you want with or without the dairy. it will come out juicy and tender, way tastier than chick a faggot's dry pickley burgers.

>>4734326
>it was an open fact they didn't hire gays.
citation needed, flaming faggot.

I worked at a chick-fil-a in highschool that employed not one, but two homosexuals.

>it's where his money goes that makes the difference.

You think one gay not eating a chicken sandwich is going to effect his paycheck? I hate liberals, but I'll still buy ben and jerry's because they make a good product. Also, >>4734332
this anon thinks you can't hate homosexuality and love homos at the same time.

Love the sinner, hate the sin anon.

>>4734346
How do they feel about t.A.T.u?

Granted, they weren't real lesbians, but most homophobes hate "fag-enablers" just as much, if not more.

>>4734350
>Love the sinner, hate the sin anon.
You see, that would be great, except they don't have their priorities in order. Not many people love the sinner.

>>4733489
>h*ck
Why?

>>4734355
Well then they aren't proper christians. Every time I meet one of those I like to point out the fact that jesus hung out with the degenerates and lowlifes. tbh I love wrecking evangelicals who take a few OT passages and turn them into christian philosophy

But this isn't /pol/, so i'll stop there.

cooking fails

>prepare kick ass black bean chorizo stuffing
>spill half of it on the floor when trying to transfer to tupperware

at least my doge ate well that night

>>4734355
I know a guy just like this, hang out with him quite regularly.

>>4734350
>>love the sinner hate the sin
this guy supports groups that want to incarcerate and kill gay people. I think thats about as hating the sinner as you can really get when it comes to this. Supporting chick a fils ame is like praying for witch hunts to return.

>>4734350
Hey man, I just thought it was common knowledge, I believe I always knew they were closed sundays, and I read an article somewhere that talked about something about them not hiring gays, and I had also heard about the owner dude supporting some law in South America where it turned out they were trying to pass the death penalty for gays, it was originally jail time, and then the locals were like "fuck it, let's kill them", and they were like "Woah, wait a minute, that's going too far!" I couldn't support any boycott because I'd never eaten there just by chance, but it's not about "making a difference" it's just about not supporting a business when the money you give over to them is going to be used for something which is against your beliefs, its not a huge deal like everyone made it out to be. >>4734351
The article I read only mentioned Queen, probably because the guy who wrote it moved out of Russia as a teenager.
>>4734363
>spilling food,
>NOOOOOOOOOOO

That reminds me.
>having party at my house
>it's sunday and I have a military ID, so everyone at the party gives me all their money and sends me to the Shopette
> Have like $35
>buy one of those like bug Gallon bottles of Jack Daniels
>Get home, as I'm getting out of the car the plastic bag catches on something
>bottle crashes to the ground in the parking lot next to my car,
>The smell of whiskey, as it spreads like blood... everywhere
>"No... nononono, Oh god, oh god no..."
>Good Samaritan "Young lady, What seems to be the trouble?"
>He sees the carnage "ooooohhhhhhhhhh"
>have to walk into the party empty handed, have to go all the way back and use my money since I feel so bad

>>4734371
>groups that want to incarcerate and kill gay people
please tell me you have some sauce for all of these outrageous claims. Otherwise you're just as bad as them.

>>4734384
>Young lady
tits?

I share in your misery, a bottle of jack spilled onto the concrete is like another shoah

>>4734393
god, this was years ago, but I will look for you. It was big news when it happened, I'm pretty sure it was a country in South America, but it might have been Africa. gimme a few.

>>4733199
>3 years old
>able to get your own apple juice from the fridge and put it in your cup
jesus christ what the fuck kind of genius are you

>>4734414
i just learned its average for 3/4/5 for people to pour their own drinks i didn't start pouring my own drinks until 1st grade :(

>>4734411
is that the best you got? I'll dig around for some /ck/ and balls stories...I'll start with the saga of Nicola, a long read but well worth it.

>>4734419

>>4734427

actually i'm done because I'm off to masturbate and play video games

>>4734400
here let me help
http://www.boxturtlebulletin.com/2010/06/03/23232

>>4734399
Ok you'll have to cross reference, but here's the actual bill I was talking about, in Uganda.
>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uganda_Anti-Homosexuality_Bill#International_governments
In there it talks about how the "ex-gays" from exodus international (who used to recieve a lot of money from chick fil a: http://mediamatters.org/blog/2013/01/29/memo-to-media-chick-fil-a-hasnt-ended-its-anti/192434)) went over there to talk about how gays recruit the youth, and spread disease and etc etc, later once they decided to add the death penalty to the bill exodus international came out against it (like I said before) but the damage was already done.

Not like i have a big stake in this, just proving I'm not insane.

>>4734435
yeah, and that too.

I tried to make a meringue once without an electric mixer (I'd forgotten the one I had had broken until I bought the ingredients, and decided fuck it) I mixed that shit for EVER, and it only got a little foamy.. it was pie-soup, but it tasted yummy.

>>4734448
yeah dunno much about ex gays but FRC is pretty hard line, they support creationism, decry evolution, have abyssmal agendas against gay people, and pretty much embody the ignorant bible belt hick group if you dressed them up to kill and loaded their pockets with money. It's not surprising the CEO of chick is caught saying unabashedly things like we should pass laws to incarcerate gay people when he actually funds groups like FRC.

>>4734435
>>4734448

Interesting, thanks for the sauce. I'm kind of sitting on both sides of the fence on this one, but mainly on your side.

>I hate lobbying groups in general and what they've done to our politics
>I firmly believe individuals have a right to express themselves politically and not face the wrath of a publicly elected official (what chik-fil-a went through)
>I disagree with the US intervening in the affairs of foreign sovereign countries
>but at the same time I do believe in human rights

sticky situation, indeed. But I also believe boycotts of any kind only work when the main user base is the one boycotting it (see firearms act in the 90's), otherwise it just pulls in more support for the product you're trying to shut down.

>>4734457
>the CEO of chick is caught saying unabashedly things like we should pass laws to incarcerate gay people

...when did this happen?

>>4734458
I more or less agree, and think topics that will destroy your lives for discussing or presenting an opinion on are bad, but these guys go beyond that, they want to enforce that opinion on other people. The reality is Chick garners so much "librul" hate because theyre headed by a crap basket of a CEO who pretty much is supporting groups that would happily restructure america into a theocracy. that might be cool for your average backwater devout republican and people who just don't care about any human suffering that isn't them, but most people are going to find stuff like this pretty fucked up, no matter how annoying and flamboyand some gay guy at work or school is.

>>4734473
meh, corporations all over are headed by wackos with extreme ideas on both sides of the aisle. Doesn't mean any of them will see it happen.

>>4734464
see
>>4734435

>can't even scroll up five posts

>>4734510
>he thinks Peter Spriggs is the CEO of Chik-fil-a

wow no wonder you guys get so butt blasted you don't even do basic research

>>4732947
>tfw I knew it would be meatbread

God I love /tg/

>>4734464
I think he might have been confused by the picture here.
>>4734435
The leader of an organization that the CEO gave $5 million to said gays should be incarcerated.

>>4734326
w-what am I looking at?

Jesus Christ, people STILL care about chic-fil-a? Come talk to me when you stop buying gas because homosexuals are put to death in the Middle East. Until then, accept your hypocrisy and enjoy a motherfucking chicken sandwich once in a while.

>>4734555
>INCLUDING FRC
They gave to a lot of different groups, including standard right-wing Christian ones.

It's standard your-rights-end-where-my-feelings-begin bullshit.

>>4734596
>pork katsu
>some pieces bigger then others
>cook it
>looks done and nice
>bite into big piece
>still pink in the middle
This was taken like minutes ago. Thankfully I am not afraid of salmonella and all those rarely occurring bacteria infections.

>>4734648
Did not mean to quote.

>>4734648
Nothing wrong with undercooked pork these days. Trichinosis has been basically non-existent for decades

So I thought I might make fried plantains a couple weeks ago. I bought these. For some strange reason things did not end well.

>>4734666
>666
I won't fall for your ploy this time Satan.

>>4734284
Funny I started to eat there after they announced that.

>>4734648
That actually sounds delicious. It won't necessarily give you food poisoning if it's pink in the middle either.

>>4734728
Shhhh just eat it

>>4734742
I did too.

>>4734742
The drive-through line went into the parking lot of the next restaurant. Some 20-something guy in a big truck gave me the finger as he was pulling out of the parking lot.

>>4734770
That is funny.

When I was like, six or so I asked my older brother (by about a year and a half) to make me some french toast. My mom had run out on a errand, and knowing he wasn't supposed to use the stove without supervision decided to try and make it in the toaster.

Raw eggs, milk, bread and cinnamon in a toaster does not french toast make as it turns out. It does ruin a toaster though.

>>4734414
Not him, but when I was 4 years old, I was able to read very good, without stuttering.

>>4734797
>read very good
>using an adjective instead of an adverb for a friggin' verb
Obviously you didn't increase your intellectual capacity much since then.

>>4734812
English isn't my mother tongue, sorry.

>>4734817
Now I feel a little bad. I'm sorry if I was too harsh on you, Anon. I've been holding in bad grammar feelings all day.

>>4734414

this is not that unusual for many 3 year olds

>>4734828
It's not a problem. I feel good when people criticize me. I have so much to learn.

>>4734836
you feel WELL, motherfucker!
>haha I'm helping

>>4734859
Ahem. http://www.grammarerrors.com/word-choice/goodwell/

>>4734859
I was so proud of you.
>>4734866
But then YOU came into my life!

I made mochi from jasmine rice.

Oh god

>>4734695
Because those are bananas.

>>4734836
>criticize
Depending on where you plan on speaking English, "criticize" is the American spelling, and "criticise" is the typical spelling in Europe and Asia.

Just so you know.

Chinese cabbage in a tomato soup. That taste is nasty.

>>4734745
They aren't bad, I just wish I could have cooked them better. I have zero skill cooking with oil. I basically set the thing on low med heat and put too much oil in. I think I should go back to using chicken.

>>4735502
*high med heat
Why I can't sucking on all these cocks?