/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>4415020
I genuinely laughed out loud. Five star post.

>scan beer
>"Please show your ID to the attendant."
>fuuuuuuu
>"Age Verification Bypassed"
>Oh, cool.

Perks of being a regular shopper and having a beard.

>>4415031
>I genuinely laughed out loud. Five star post.

me too. i literally cannot stop laughing.

CREDIT CARD DECLINED

I wish I could laugh but I don't understand the post

>>4415038
hahahahahahahaha
>>4415039
Have you used self-checkout?

>>4415061
Not him, but no.

Please explain the joke.

>>4415067

someone doesn't know everything that i know.

i laugh myself silly every time that occurs.

>PLEASE SCAN YOUR FIRST ITEM
>manually enter red delicious when i actually have honeycrisp

i am a criminal mastermind

>>4415067
basically self conscious people using the self checkout so they dont have to deal with employees. then the self checkout forces them to do so anyway.

>>4415077
ALWAYS. garlic in with the onions too. and i only ever charge them shits as white onions.

i wish you could do that with meat. id sure be paying for a lot of chicken.

>>4415067
It depends on the situation.

1.) Employees will walk away from their post or get distracted. It can take awhile to get help.

2.) The store is busy and a line of customers are waiting behind you, They stare, make audible sighs, display impatient body language, etc. I've never had someone accuse me of not knowing what I'm doing, but you know they're thinking it. Sometimes the machines are just plain finicky and there's nothing you can do.

3.) Or maybe you just don't want to have to talk to someone because of spaghetti.

buy 8 limes
'enter quatity'
look around like im about to tell a racist joke
enter quantity of 4
4 free limes
fuckyeah.jpg

>pay by credit card
>have to sign for it
>completely fuck up signature on shitty pad/pen thing
>machine calls guy over to check signatures match
>"oh fuck oh fuck i'm fucked"
>guy hardly even checks and clears it

>>4415091
As if that matters,

Even at places where you have to sign at the register I just draw smiley faces or spirals and shit.

>>4415088
>why can't i scan all these limes

>>4415088
>look around like im about to tell a racist joke
That was a great way of creating imagery.

>>4415088
All the places I go to have you place the produce on the scanner, it auto-detects the weight

>>4415093
don't steal my thunder anon
im a fucking outlaw & they ain't never gonna bring me in

>>4415095
5 stars

>>4415088
fucking love how the stores charge by the piece for certain produce. my publix does this for avocados. which are fucking expensive normally.

also oranges, but i live in fucking florida, so them shits are everywhere anyway.

>>4415097
I don't know, man. Limes are one thing, but lemons can greatly vary in size. I don't think it stores an average weight.

>>4415104
well they're sold by weight, not by number of limes

>>4415104

You are retarded, do you not think the scanner woudn't notice 4 fucking limes? Go to fuck you retarded faggot

>>4415107
What?

I hope going to hell was worth a couple of free pieces of fruit.

>>4415107

How would it notice that? It contains a scale and a bar-code reader. It's not magical. It cannot count anything beyond that.

>>4415107
all the scanner is, is a scale and a barcode scanner you retard.

you dont even scan the fucking produce, you just weigh it. the scanner then thinks you have 4 exceptionally large limes rather than 8

>>4415020
>Waiting on line to buy a single drink.
>Self-checkout people ahead of me taking forever and a day.
>Two cashiers on station taking forever because if they were intelligent to do the job quickly they wouldn't be cashiers.
>Stand there trying to figure out which line is a bigger waste of time
>Get on cashier line and suddenly everyone on self-checkout grows a brain
>FUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuu

>>4415111
It was some really good fruit.

>>4415067
self checkout machines often, almost randomly say "assistance required" for no known reason. However 99% of the time the employee running the self checkouts just presses a button on their screen and makes it go away.

>>4415088
>8 limes
I think you meant 2 lemons.

>>4415091
>they still sign with credit cards
>their credit cards probably don't use chips either
stay pleb southerners

I never bother to use them because something always goes wrong.

Oh man, I love self check out. Get me some organic produce, charge it all as potatoes or onions or such.

or just scan the correct items and stop being a poorfag.

>>4415373
>just stop being a poorfag
Oh, alright. I'll just suddenly start making more money. Thanks!

>>4415020
6 small avocados=3 avocados

>>4415373

it's their own fault for designing a system that relies on retarded minimum wage workers that don't even give a fuck to police multiple self check out lanes being operated by more intelligent and motivated consumers that can cheat at will.

>Express lane isn't really an express lane because everyone always gets in that line

>>4415393

>has fourteen different items
>twenty of the same time
>get in the 15 items or less anyway

>>4415393
>express lane isn't really an express lane

Because the transaction part is what takes the longest and if you have 4 people with 10 item a piece in front of you that is much worse than 1 person with 40 items. Especially if three of those people are named shaniqua and are trying to pay with WIC.

When I'm at the grocery store I just get in the line with the most white or asian people. Those people know how to pay for stuff quickly and get the fuck out of the way for everyone else.

>>4415418
this

self checkouts arnt that faster, because you have to bag everything yourself, AND there is a sensor where you place your already-scanned food that detect it's weight. and if the weight is off, it will delay you even longer.

self checkouts are just for people who dont want to deal with confrontation.

i use them because most of the time, i set myself on a budget (like $40), so if I did the math incorrectly in my head while I'm grabbing items, I don't have to be "that guy" who continually tells a cashier that I dont need item XYZ anymore because i dont have enough money. i can just delete it myself from the self checkout

>at self checkout
>bags filled with candy, hamburger buns and cola
>assistance required
>cute cashier girl approaches

>>2012
>>not talking the .2 seconds to mute the stupid machine.
every time I go there I mock it by saying 'megaman! megama SHUT UP!"

ITEM PLACED IN BAG DOES NOT MATCH ITEM SCANNED

>>4415427
This kinda thing taught me to eat more fruits and vegetables.

>>4415431
you can mute them?? holy shit
i always talk to machines though im the guy who mumbles cusswords at it

>>4415369
Now if only I could buy the black truffles and ring them up as potatoes.
Too bad they lock the truffles away and you need to pay for them specially.

>>4415427

>try to say hello
>words won't come out
>she give me a perplexed look
>spin fanny pack around
>spaghetti goes everywhere
>run out of store.

>Have 12 pack of canned drinks
>Scan and put in cart
PLEASE PLACE ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.

>buying some groceries at Walmart
>aw yeah self check
>banannas and a $8 steak
>busy as fuck
>cashier isn't watching
>press the button for nanners
"PLEASE WEIGH ITEM"
>put the fruit on top of the steak
>weigh nanners and steak together
>(price goes by pound) $1.20 worth of 'nanners'
>but steak and nanners in bag
>double bag it to hide steak
>pay
>cashier still doesn't see anything wrong
>I smile and wave at her
>she smiles back
>grab my recipt
>walk out with free steak

Fuck technology.

>>4415389
One place by my work has a hawk of an old lady watching the checkouts. She can tell what type of apples you got and what you're keying them in as from 20 feet away.

>bring own bags
>go to a store with self-checkout
>machine doesn't have an option for 'I brought my own bag'
>itbegins.png
>put bags down at the register
>UNAUTHORIZED ITEM IN BAGGAGE AREA in the loudest fucking volume setting possible
>take them out, end up putting all of my fucking items just on the bagging area without a bag
>limes, limes everywhere
>have to pick them up, but of course since they left the area
>PLEASE PLACE ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA
>attendant just looks at me and chuckles

PLEASE PLACE ITEM IN BAGGING AREA
>999 volume

I just ring up all my food as bananas

>>4415077
Wait, how do you manually enter a thing? I've only done self-check out like three times, and only at a CVS.

Also teach me how to not look like a clumsy tool at self-check out

>>4415077

THIS. ALL THE FUCKING TIME. The honeycrisp here are like 4$ a lb and I ring them up as 'SMALL red delicious'. Gets you like six apples for 1.50$.

And parsley as cilantro. 30¢ difference but poorfag. Fuckhuge bags of herbs and no one's about to rustle through my shit to see if I really have 3 like I put in instead of 5.

>ring up box of shredded Wheat
>put in nearly full bag
>it slightly tips over
>unexpected item in bagging area

>>4415723
Cilantro is like 48 cents a bundle, how can you not afford that?

>>4415712
If it's an item with no barcode (like loose produce you bag yourself) then they usually have a menu of items to select and then you put it on the scale thing so it can figure the price by weight.

>>4415731

Er, I can. The parsley is 1$. I ring it up as cilantro instead. That's the beauty in the fact that they look exactly alike too.

>>4415503
So that's how you do it. All the other explanations I've read didn't make sense.

I'm tempted, but probably too honest to go through with it.

>>4415745
I've never scammed a self-checkout machine, but if I did, that is what I'd do it on. When I first started using self-checkout (about eight years ago), I wouldn't have even been able to tell you the difference between cilantro and parsley. Completely plausible that someone would get them mixed up.

I don't know how any of you have the balls to rip off steaks. I value my freedom too much to risk getting caught.

>>4415393
Actually, where I work, no one but the elderly ever use the express checkout, because everyone else uses the self service machines. Self service will have a line of like, 15 people, and express will have a line of one or two.

>>4415503
>buying steak from WalMart

How precious.

>>4415485
can't mute the ones where I work, and this is the first time I've heard you can.

>>4415503
Our meat is tagged to stop people doing that.

>>4415723
>not growing your own herbs

>>4415809
>not eating a free steak because of where it was purchased
That's like turning down sex.

>>4415825
Tagged?

>>4415791

Yeah, it's really an item where you can feign ignorance. 'Oh, it is parsley? I meant to grab the cilantro'... And IIRC the little band around them doesn't even say which it is, just a number. Literally the perfect crime. Doesn't feel bad ripping off a huge corporation of just a few cents, either. The bundle of their herbs also wildly vary at times from tiny as fuck and not very many to a huge bundle of megaherbs. Don't think they'd ever be ready to come up and police you asking you to take out all your items and check how many there are.

I get too paranoid trying to pull any other shit though.

>>4415503
>>4415723

I got arrested doing this shit and had to take a shoplifting course.

Fucking walmart.

>>4415832

I use it as food for my animals, I don't think I could feasibly grow enough to keep them fed year round. I grow rosemary and thyme and shit like that instead for actual cooking use.

>>4415846
it's walmart's fault you are a thieving scum?

ITT:

>Impoverished kleptomaniacs and low-brow niggers

Just pay for your fucking food or get a better job. Work more hours if you can't get a better job. Stop being niggers. I swear, kids today.

>>4415846

What did you take? I've heard walmarts going after folks for just a few dollars so that's not very surprising.

>>4415843
>Literally the perfect crime
Look at this criminal mastermind!

>>4415861

I did the steak thing one too many times I guess.

>>4415846
>nobody gets outsmarted by walmart employees
>this is a lie

>>4415877

Yeah it is. Whenever kids in my HS got caught shoplifting, it was always Walmart.

>>4415503
You do know they have cameras watching all of the self-check lanes, right? They can very easily watch you do that, look up your receipt by lane and time and figure out you didn't pay for the steak, then track you down if you paid by card or just print an image of your face so they can look out for you.

>>4415905
This. We have a 'wall of shame' where there are photos of people who do this sort of thing.

This isn't really related to self check out machines... But I used to work overnight at a Quick Chek (convenience store), and they have touch screen ordering for sandwiches and stuff.
Every night at 2am they reset and start up, and for a short window I have access to Windows on the machine.

On multiple occasions I've gone into windows media player and set the 3 songs that automatically come with it on repeat, just loud enough for the customer to hear it, but soft enough so that it doesn't annoy me throughout the store.
The faces the people make are priceless.

>at self checkout
>buying blueberries among other groceries
>scan blueberries
>HELP IS NEEDED FOR THIS ITEM
>starts blinking red
>machine resets
>attendant comes over and gives me a "what the fuck did you do" look
>i just wanted blueberries

>buy only organic produce
>ring it all up as non-organic

>>4415091
>pay by credit card
>have to sign for it
>pen doesn't work
>next pen doesn't work
>realize the surface you're trying to sign on stops the pen from working as it should
Every fucking time. GET NEW COUNTERS YA FUCKS

>>4415960
>buy 10 of something in bulk
>"enter quantity"
>enter 8

>>4415091

>my signature is completely illegible horseshit
>always just scribble the pad, for any transaction
>no problems

Signatures are dumb.

I've stolen herbs sometimes. I wanted a bottle of marjoram. Shit was like $7.
>reach into pocket, deposit bottle, pull phone out as hand is coming out like I was reaching in my pocket for my phone.
Today I stole some pepper seeds and carrot seeds.
>Smooth criminal

>need different herbs for one dish
>remove a few stems each
>parsley, dill, cilantro, rosemary
>all into same bag
>cover everything with cilantro
>ring it all up as cilantro
>never get caught

>>4415961
If you're at a normal checkout, the conveyor belt is good to lean on.

Bulk section + Self checkout = Glorious

Premium Organic Milk Chocolate Chips: $10000 / lb

Seasalt: 10c/lb

I didn't chose the thug life

>>4415991
I literally draw a smiley face in place of my last name if I am in the mood to not give a fuck

>>4416037
what stores do they usually have a bulk section at? I need to do this so hard.

>>4415846
>shoplifting course
So Walmart taught you how to be a better shoplifter?

>late for school
>Slide debit card
>Try Again
>TRY AGAIN
>TRY AGAIN

sweatinglizard.png

>>4415991
>Signatures are dumb

Finally, /ck/ has started listening to me.

>3am friday night in tesco
>only 1 self check out kiosk open
>alcohol amongst items
>wellfuck.png
>have own bag
>DO YOU HAVE YOUR OWN BAG
>no
so far so good
>scan all items except alcohol
>scan alcohol.
>ASSISTANCE REQUIRED
>before the lone assistant got to my kiosk, the fucking thing restarts, assistant couldn't get it working again, didn't want to boot up any of the other ones
>get free £30 weekend shop
everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg

>>4415020
>scan first item
>two ninety nine
>place item in bagging area

I place item in bagging area

>please place item in bagging area
>please place item in bagging area
>tfw 20 more items to go

>>4416091
Sent from my iPhone 5

>>4416084
9 times out of 10, it's either your card, or you're swiping too quickly or too slowly

>>4415723
>>4415077
i feel SO GUILTY doing this... so i charge them as fuji which are slightly more expensive than red delicious.
i had a friend who bought a ton of "limes" whenever she visited the grocery store.
i always feel like such a criminal ;___;

>>4416084
try going from bottom to top then down again

>>4416067
Fortinos

>>4415119
>be waiting in self-checkout
>each scanner is being used by someone with a full fucking cart oblivious to the people behind them
>other line full of old ladies most likely paying with checks

>>4415418
>white people know how to pay for stuff quickly and get out of the way

lol no
middle-aged white people are some of the most oblivious when it comes to dealing with technology and efficient use of time
So many times I've been stuck behind some soccer mom who pulls up the self-checkout with like 50 items during a the rush or an elderly person who whips out there checkbook to pay for some apples and toothpaste while chatting with the cashier

>>4416182

What's even worse about the check-paying fuckwits is that they rarely have the check filled out before they receive their total. They could easily write out the majority of the check while they're waiting in line so that the only thing that anyone has to wait on is them writing in the total once the cashier is done ringing them up.

>>4415503
I hope you get robbed by a pack of north american ground apes

>>4415838
>implying you wouldn't turn down a 500 lbs ham planet hitting on you.

>Go to self checkout

>Literally just act like you paid, walk out without paying.

The first time I did it, it was entirely on accident. Now I just don't bother if my items don't contain RFID's.

>>4415418
Holy shit you're racist.

>>4415418
this and old people with lots of plu items

I don't even get in lines with blacks anymore because they tend to chimp out and get offended when day ebt denied

> self check out can display/speak in English or Spanish
> choose Spanish
> learn new language

And I live in Minnesota too.

>>4416293
back to redshit, you multiculti piece of shit

> be me; be self-check out
> "PLEASE PLACE THE ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA."
> press "I already did"
> "PLEASE PLACE THE ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA."
> say "I already did."
> "PLEASE PLACE THE ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA."
> "Goddamn it, shut the fuck up. YOU'RE A WINDOWS APPLICATION; KNOW YOUR PLACE!"
> person behind me sez: "Maybe you should delete system32..."

>>4415077
>>4415083
>>4415723
>>4416116
>be working at a self-checkout
>see people who think they're being clever trying to pull this shit
>go over and ask them what kind of produce they have
>person is usually instantly defensive or silent
>pull out this great little cue card of all the different kinds of apples/fruits/veggies with pictures on them
>I tell them that they must have put in the wrong PLU and how happy I am to correct it for them
>if they give me shit then I remind them that I can get a second opinion from the manager
>"It's against company policy to give yourself a discount :)"
>mfw their fucking spaghetti and butthurt when I do it

>>4416196
Continuing on with the checks:
> Cashier has to feed the check through the register to print something on it.
> Feeds check through. Doesn't work.
(repeat 900 times)

I've also been in places where customers give a WIC check and the cashier looks at it like it's written in heiroglyphics.

>>4416342
>I've also been in places where customers give a WIC check and the cashier looks at it like it's written in heiroglyphics.

Usually because the customers are complete fuckwits when it comes to WIC checks and either
>go way past budget of the price written on the check
>get the wrong items
>check expired or is being used before given date
>check is already signed
Fuck I hated WIC checks so fucking much. And don't get me wrong, I wanted these entitled cunts with their annoying brats out of my line as quick as possible, but there's a lot of company policy that must be followed or else you get in a lot of shit for these stupid things.
Oh and some machines you actually need a manager override or supervisor to even begin at some places.

>>4416293
Are you saying there aren't a lot of Mexicans here?

Hell, most of West St. Paul is Little Mexico.

>>4416326
>mfw

>>4416368
Not at all. Lots here in Southern MN. But it always shocks everyone else: "I thot there was nuthin' but Swedes and Norsk in MN." Wrong oh. Mexicans, Somalis, and Liberians too.

> Why you live in this snow-filled state?

>listening to a robot bitch at you
>use the mute button

>>4416393
>not just pushing buttons faster than the voice can speak

>>4416116
>all the powers of the free market are bowing to the demands of the modern customer.
>customer changes item price.
>????
>acceptable and undetected losses (much less of a risk to the company then pure product theft)
we are the 99% !! please don't feel guilty at least ur not using coupons from /b/.

PLEASE PLACE ITEM IN BAGGING AREA

>choose to pay with change (Canada)
>everytime you put one coin in
>"INSERT CASH OR SELECT PAYMENT TYPE"
>"INSERT CASH OR SELECT PAYMENT TYPE"
>"INSERT CASH OR SELECT PAYMENT TYPE"
>"INSERT CASH OR SELECT PAYMENT TYPE"
>"INSERT CASH OR SELECT PAYMENT TYPE"

>>4416386
You forgot the Hmong.

PLEASE SHOW ID TO CASHIER

>>4416415
>instant dubstep show
>spagetti everywhere, crowd surf around the store.
>pick up bag, forget to pay for your items.
>PLEASE PLACE THE ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.
>other customers throw past-date produce at you.
>manager comes over, treats you like a lost child.
>pay for items.
>start leave store, slip on spagetti
>bag falls, fragile item breaks
>start crying
>manager quickly has staff fetch a replacement item
>gentle pushes you out of the store as the other customers yell insults in your direction.
>manager is very annoyed and tells you not to copy viral pranks from youtube then leaves.

>that feel when you could have just pressed the mute button.
>that feel when 5 cents over-budget.
>all the feels of the american customer.rar

>>4415093
>>4415091
I always get the people at the register laughing by writing down god or jesus christ

>>4416352
I understand that but after holding up the line for a good 10-15 minutes -- and this is an Express lane -- the cashier really has to know at what point to just call for help, rather than stare at the thing forever. Normally I'd kinda be all against "those foodstamp people" but actually the customer was really nice - she turned and apologized to me for holding up the line and even seemed embarrassed.

>>4416326
>taking ur crappy job this seriously

>>4416293


Im in MN to, i miss real mexican food

> go to the stoooooore
> buyin' some stuuuuuuff
> Self checkout baby, yeah! We're cruisin'!
> scan scan scan bag bag bag
> gtf outta there, job accomplished

Then I go to Copps
> get my groceries
> stand back by the flowers and scan cashiers
> frumpy looking chick behind the register- shit she's got a hot bag boy and I'm buying chocolate and I'm fat
> turn around and stare at a display
> pretend I'm really interested in chicken flavored ramen for ten minutes
> scan registers again
> hot bag boy replaced by pimply asian kid
> We have a green light. I REPEAT, WE HAVE A GREEN LIGHT.
> get all up in there
> Have to greet cashier, ugh
> bag boy engages and asks paper or plastic
> have to answer
> both tell me to have a good day on my way out
> "Oh you too."
> Copps why the fuck don't you have self checkouts?

>>4415485
> please scan your items
Yeah yeah bitch I'm getting to it for fuck's sake
> APPLES THREE DOLLARS
> EGGS, NINETY NINE CENTS
> COFFEE, SIX DOLLARS, TWENTY SIX CENTS
Jesus christ shut the fuck up already
>Please take your items
>Please take your items
>Please take your items
Jesus fucking christ hold your tit's I'm repacking. Shut the hell up already I swear to fucking god.
> attendant tells me 'Have a nice day.'
> 'Yeah, yeah.'

>>4416326

>implying I wouldn't just decide to not buy the item, making you put it away while I come back later and still give myself a discount

Your move, faggot.

>>4416777
Go to lake street

>>4415077

Almond meal is 18 bucks a pound at my shitty local grocery store. Soy flour is 3 bucks a pound. I've been buying two bags of soy flour at the self checkout a lot lately.

>>4416792
Ask the attendant to turn off the voice. I do that for my customers.

>>4416792
>99 cent eggs
Holy shit, can I move wherever you are?

>>4416883
I live in a place where the price is only slightly higher. You do not want to live in places where 99 cent eggs exist. You will hear banjos, and the screams of incest, while you eat your eggs.

> Pick up bag of crisps for party
> Go over to self service
> Watch with horror as a mother of three young boys pulls into the self-service lane with a full trolley before I get there
> Entire queue is backed up as this stupid asshat tries to scan what looks like a month's worth of groceries
> The boys are running around grabbing candy off displays and fighting each other

> All I wanted was a bag of crisps
> I have cash
> Why

>>4416887

That's some racist shit right there.

>>4416907
Which ethnicity was I talking about?

>>4416792
wtf
the machine announces the cost of your purchase to everyone?
What if you're buying something like condoms or lube? Or some embarrassing medication or feminine products?

>>4416984
> CONDOMS, FIVE DOLLARS
> FEMALE HYGINE PADS, TEN DOLLARS
> CUCUMBER, TWO DOLLARS

>>4416904
iktf
>have 1-2 items
>go to self-checkout
>line is backed up 5-6 people deep, all with several items and/or alcohol
>go to express lane
>backed up with old ladies paying with checks
>go to regular lane
>people with full carts

>>4416883
>>4416887
I..... live in Wisconsin.

I bought one dozen medium sized eggs for $1.09 today. Kwik trip has em for .99 every once in a while. Don't usually pay more than $1.75 for a dozen eggs, even if I get large brown ones.

>>4416780
>not getting cute bag boy's attention and fucking his brains out

>>4416442
Hey, you're the one who decided to buy restricted items using the self service machine. If that bothers you, use a normal checkout.

>go to local Safeway
>see cashier that I know, I know most of them because I shop at there a lot (it and Walmart are the only 24/7 stores in the area)
>talk to cashier, she gives me advice on cooking bacon
>they ask me if I want help out
> I look at my one bag and say that I think I can manage
>pretend that the is really heavy
>proceed to push bag down the aisle because I am pretending it is super heavy
>manager comes over and offers to help
>manager pretends the bag is super heavy and calls two more employees over to help with it
>the four of us take the bag to my car, still pretending that is was heavy
>bag only had bacon, heavy cream and a bottle of Stoli.

>>4415350
it's called a weight violation. everything in the store has a recorded weight. the entire bagging area is a scale. when you scan something, and then put it in the bagging area, it checks to see if the item scanned matches it's recorded weight within a certain variance. the nigga runnin' uscan is supposed to check yo shit but it's usually like a kool aid packet that is too light for the scale to register or if you take something off the bagging area before finishing the transaction or if you're using your own bag and did not tell the machine or you fat fucks that eat/drink your shit before you pay for it.

>>4417223
>heavy cream
I see the problem.

>>4415960
For some reason this post made me lose my shit

>>4417273
The self-serve checkouts here got reprogrammed to no longer give a shit about weight, which is good if you have one with only one bag rack but you have two bags worth of groceries.

>work at a store
>have to pick up groceries for dinner during my break
>know the cashier girl is going to try to talk to me
>have nothing to talk about

>>4417000
The Costco I shop at has a self checkout that does this.

Fuck, Costco, I don't need everyone in line behind me to know what I'm buying.

>>4415083
>garlic in with the onions too
I'm not the only one!

I work at the self checkout. I love it, I love helping the customers figure out what to do and helping them bag their things and talking to them. But I fucking hate when people go "WHY DO I NEED ASSISTANCE" and don't listen to the instructions given to them.

>throwing their items down the belt into the bagging area thus trying to bypass the weight check but it won't work because I'll have to push a button

>standing their with their thumbs up their asses when the machine tells them to bag their items but they just stare blankly at the screen trying to scan their next item, wondering why it won't scan

>they cannot figure out how to operate the PLU system, seriously just punch in the fucking item's name IT'S NOT THAT HARD WE HAVE A CATALOG IN THERE TO HELP YOU OR HELL I CAN EVEN HELP YOU THAT'S WHAT I'M THERE FOR I LIKE TO HELP

>Customer: "The credit card machine says 'please wait for the cashier'"
>Me: "You're the cashier, sir, select your method of payment on the screen."
>Customer proceeds to click on the card machine random buttons
>"No, the screen... the touch screen sir. Sir the-the touch screen- no..."
>They're still fumbling with the credit card machine

>scanning coupons that obviously won't work.are counterfeit. $5.00 off a $3.00 item? Yeah nah I'm not an idiot. Yes, that really happened

>>4415077
I'M WATCHING YOU, I CAN SEE WHAT YOU DO.

>>4417375
NO shit man. I'm a front end supervisor and end up running the SCOT's all the time (Self Check Out Terminal) and Jesus Christ, of all the tragedy in the world, this think is in my top ten for loss of faith in humanity.

I am blown away at how fucking stupid people are. "PLEASE PLACE ITEM IN BAGGING AREA" and then they start yelling and throwing their hands up in the air, and look at you like the machine was dropping racial slurs at them or something. Fuck, use a checkout if you cant figure it out, or at least drop your pride and ask for help so I can teach you how you how to use it so you don't look like a dick EVERYTIME YOU COME IN AND USE THE FUCKING THING!

Also, any other grocery workers ever have a line of like, 15 fucking people at the self checkouts while youve got like 3 open registers with cashiers just standing there staring at them? WTF people.

You folks that think youre slick for swiping like, fuck, 3 dollars worth of shit? We know what you are doing way more often than you think. 90% of the time we don't give a fuck, but the rest, you will get yours. First off, you would not BELIEVE how many people walk away from a terminal with their payment incomplete. All I gotta do is walk up and BAM, yes I do want cash back. Most people ill just run their card, but if you've ripped us off, yes I know who you are but I don't say anything, you just bought me dinner. Also, we keep tabs on your ass. We may not bust you this time, or next time, or the time after that. But we are watching, and for the unlucky few who end up getting the hammer dropped on them, you will make up for everyone else. If I have to get LP involved for ANYTHING (you stole a 50c candy bar) thats a 250 dollar minimum fine just for them having to walk up and talk to your stupid ass. If I've been watching you flub your order for the last couple months, and I can reasonable "estimate" that your pilferage is over 150 bucks, we'll get LP to open an "investigation" into your possible activity which results in a potential 1000 dollar fine to pay for their time to check it out, up to possible jail time.

On the flip side, cuz I'm a cool guy and I like the chase (and the catch, which net me a 800 dollar bonus last year) the best one rip off I've seen (ballsy but decent potential) is to find an item that has an unclassified weight, or one similair to another product and make a copy of its barcode at home and switch them.

Example, crest toothbrush and crest whitening strips weigh close enough not to set off the scale. Person walks up with a handful of groceries including a toothbrush and whitening strips, although he has copied, cut out, and quickly taped the barcode for a different crest toothbrush over the top of the whitening strips. When the cashier looks away you scan the strips, which are worth like 40 bucks, but ring in at like 1.50. Best I've seen.

>>4417402
This guy works at a local grocery store.
This is what goes through their heads.
Madness.
Sheer madness.

>>4417402
>stealing from thieves
I like your style brah

>>4417375
>>4417385
Oh god, I really don't understand how people don't know how to follow simple instructions either. The voice literally tells you every step in the process, just fucking do what it tells you to do and there shouldn't be any problem. Don't just look at me dumbly when it tells you to place the item in the bagging area, do it. The coin slot is clearly labelled, so don't ask me where to put in your money. If you want to pay by credit card, press credit or debit card, not cash. If you need help, there's a 'Ask for assistance' button, use it, don't stare at me until I notice you, or even worse, wave at me or click your fingers at me like I'm a dog. And for christ's sake, don't let your children climb on the fucking machine, it's not a playground.

So fucking glad I hardly ever have to work on self scan.

Bought two tiny, generic no-thrills pencil sharpeners. Plastic, small, in plastic wrap, just bare-bones.

> Please place the item in the bagging area.
> Please place the item in the bagging area.
> Please place the item in the bagging area.
> Assistance required

Took the assistant some effort because the weight didn't just mismatch, which would be cleared by the swipe - the scales didn't register that sharpener at all. Calling manager, manager doesn't really know how to circumvent this, thinks, tries, retries. Finally they grab a pack of chewing gum from a shelf, drop on the scales.

> Weight mismatch.

Swipe. Remove chewing gum, place sharpener.

> Please scan the item.

The second sharpener...

This time at least the assistant knew how to proceed. Chewing gum in, swipe, chewing gum out.

>>4417414
Who buys TWO pencil sharpeners?

>>4415917
unfortuanately thats against the law in sweden. I wish we could have a wall of shame so the new employees could easily recognize the shitty theives.

>>4417418
A geocacher.

>>4417402
>>4417405
I imagined the guy in the .gif saying it, strumming his lute the entire time during his rant.

>you have been randomly selected for a search of your shopping items

>>4415859
>Just pay for your fucking food or get a better job. Work more hours if you can't get a better job.
>the workers decide the hours they get!
Maybe in your idealized Marxist world, chucklefuck, but 'round these parts if you don't have a career you're getting under 30 hours a week thanks to Obama care!

>Put two 5's in to pay at self checkout
>It eats my fives

>>4417563
>work labor intensive job "part time"
>40 - 50 hours a week
Last week I worked around 60
Make about 1000 a week
BUT OBAMA!!!!!1111

>not just drawing a penis in place of your signature
Plebians

>>4417566
>everyone lives near oil fields/areas of construction
Get your head out of your ass, not everyone has your privilege.

I hate it when people take trolleys through the fucking thing. Also it seems some people are less subtle than others when it comes to theft.

http://www.frasercoastchronicle.com.au/news/shopper-fails-scan-150-groceries-self-serve-aisle/1658884/

>>4417568
Everyone lives near giant corporations such as Pepsi, Frito-lay, Coke, Old Dutch, beer companies, any sort of bread company. You get the idea.

>>4417570
No, no they do not. And for those that do, a job isn't guaranteed to them. This is the fallacy you and other people I've noticed online profess, that THE JOB'S OUT THERE SON, JUST GO AND GET IT. No dad, there isn't a job for every lad/gal that wants it, sorry, if only things worked that way.

>>4417573
There are very few states that those companies don't span their business across.
I pretty much got hired on the spot. The hours are shit so a lot of people can't handle it. Constant turn around

>>4417579
I live in a region of 18% unemployment. I've seen PepsiCo at job fairs around here, I know they have a plant in the downtown area, and after asking for qualifications they wanted at least a year of relevant experience. A cashier or bag boy position at a chain grocery store around here wants minimum 2 years experience.

>people who wait until the cashier rings up every single one of their groceries and tells them their total before swiping their card in the machine
>people who wont bag their own damn groceries if the cashier has no bagger and there is a huge line behind them
>cashiers at the asian grocery store who speak to me in chinese and i don't know what the fuck they're saying
>picking the slower of the two lines with the same number of people waiting. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
>realizing you forgot to get something at the last moment before the cashier starts ringing up your groceries, and there's a huge line, so you have to run back throughout the store and grab the thing you forgot.

Fuck the grocery store

>>4417585
Sounds like you need to gtfo of that shit hole.
Sage for irrelevance to the thread

>Scan all items, no issue
>Credit card accepted, no issue
>Strolling out the doors back to the car when-
>Anti-theft alarm sounds and men approach

>>4417593
>Sounds like you need to gtfo of that shit hole.
This is seriously the same response I get from every person when I share with them my situation. It's so funny, like just getting up and moving all of your shit is easy and practical when you're poor.

>>4417586
I don't want to swipe if the total comes out wrong.

>>4417596
It is with Obama care :3

>At store
>Have a cart full of several dozen bundles of bananas
>At self check out, ring them all up, paying
>Guy watching over self-checkouts sees my ring ups on his machine
>He starts walking towards me
>"Oh shit, oh shit" I start thinking to myself
>Too embarrassed to explain why I want so many bananas
>Pay as fast as possible
>Start walking hurriedly to the exit with my bananas
>Couldn't stuff last bananas in time so I carried it by the stem in my mouth
>The bitter taste is killing me, my vision is a blur all I can think about is leaving the store
>Can never come back to store cause they'll know my face and I'm embarrassed as fuck

T-thanks /ck/ and everyone who marks up their stolen goods as bananas...

>>4417586
>someone who puts all their items on the end of the conveyor belt and then just waits there, while there's a huge line that also wants to put their items on there
>you're always behind the person that has some problem or question, and either the employees can't figure it out or the person starts a discussuion with the employees, causing everyone to wait
>cashiers who talk to you machine wise, saying the exact same thing over and over to every customer with the constant dead voice

I also work at a grocery, so here are some things I myself find anoying:
>people who won't even look at you and/or talk to you, not even greeting you
>old people who pay by card and don't understand how the machine works
I know, old folks gonna old, but just fucking listen to my instructions instead of being a smartass

>>4417615
HEH HEH, LE OBAMA CARE MEME. ALLS MAIS TROUBLES IS SOLVED, PRAISE DA LAWD!

>>4417620
donkey kong pls go

>>4417155
> being fat with no tits and looking like a man
> being 26 and not sure if the bag boy is legal
> not caring if he's legal but knowing picking up a 16yr old bagger at a grocery store is a Bad Idea.

This has happened to me several times

> buy loose apples
> 'PLEASE PLACE ITEM ON THE SCALE'
> try to put all the apples on the scale
> scale weighs too fast
> says I have 2lbs when it's at least 4lbs
> put item in bagging area
> PLEASE WAIT FOR ASSISTANCE
> employee comes over
> swipes card
> I leave with free apples

And I don't even do it on purpose. It happens when I bag the apples too.

>>4417653
The employees don't care if you get free apples, in fact if the thing mismarks it as a lower price it's usually policy to let you get it at that price. I don't even know how grocery stores make money.

>>4417673
kickbacks from evil GMO companies

>place food on shelves certain way
>have 10k a year per product

>>4416352
i was on wic. my kid turned five and it was over and i was secretly glad because i was super embarrassed of getting evil looks by people behind me and then i would get idiot cashiers. Even though i had it signed, i had everything the exact right amount, exact brand, the cashier would have to get a manager because they didnt know which buttons to press.

>>4415038
>that wait for it to be approved

>>4417685
What the fuck, what I said has nothing to do with GMO, why do you have to insert GMO into everything, you are worse than /v/irgins and feminism.

>>4417624
Are you trying to say cashiers should show enthusiasm for their shitty job they just have in order to pay the bills?

>>4417704
They do that in loads of places in America. It's fucking creepy. If you're happy doing that job there's something wrong with you.

>>4417704
So why don't try to make things more fun with being friendly towards customers? In my cashier days I used to make a little conversation with customers if it wasn't too busy. being friendly makes people walk out with a smile, which also makes the job more satisfying and fun for yourself.

>>4417732

>>4417704 here
I had a job in Tesco for 2 years. Trust me, I tried so hard to be friendly, as I hate being ignored/looked down upon when I'm being served.

The problem is that people are so fucking stupid and ignorant that sometimes it's difficult to bare. People will actively get annoyed with YOU the cashier, because there isn't a certain item in stock. They treat you like a sub-human shit in the UK

>>4417427
you put them in the cache? I would hate that, I'm takin a sweet yo-yo instead

>>4417732
I don't work in a grocery store but I do work in retail, and when I work as a greeter, nothing deflates my mood quicker than someone just flat out ignoring me, and it happens constantly. If they'd let me get away with just saying "hey guys welcome to polo" in a flat voice for as long as I'm greeting I would because it seems like most people are ignoring me anyway.

>>4417739
>>4417732
I feel your pain, brahs. I bag at Publix and any time I get one of those really stinky grumpy people that just grunt, I just smile really big and and yell my questions at them
>PLASTIC OK FOR YOU SIR
>CAN I HELP YOU OUT TO YOUR CAR
>HAVE A NICE DAY!!!!

what's worse is when the cashier on your lane won't talk. oh lawd there's one lady I have that just fucking mumbles and looks like her entire family passed away every single day.

>>4417730

>They do that in loads of places in America. It's fucking creepy. If you're happy doing that job

so are we supposed to be sullen because we don't have the best job around?

it's called being mature. if you can't be pleasant in a job where you deal with people, then you are not doing your job properly.

>>4417739
>working at a gas station
>learn to be as cynical as every customer that comes through my line
As long as you appear to hate the company/computer program as much as the customer, they will enjoy your company

>go to store
> buy some canned food and condoms
>go to self checkout
>self checkout attendant walks over and starts bagging

The thing I learned from this thread is apparently you're not supposed to use these things if you have a large amount of groceries.

Lol too bad, since opening self check out here the entire store seems to maybe have four at max lanes open at a time and the people in lanes are the middle aged folks with a hoard of kids buying 250$ groceries at once that just pile shit after shit ontop of their other shit in the cart.

I usually let folks with few items go ahead of me though and then I stopped because they got increasingly less competent and it'd take them 10 minutes to scan 4 items.

>>4417768
There's a difference between not sulking and the artificial sickening happyness and chirpyness alot of stores in America insist on. We all know you're dying inside.

Im black and I didnt even know what food stamps and ebt were until I was 19 working at a Walgreens near Mississippi state line

>tomatoes are $2.99 a kilo
>avocados are $2.99 each
>scan the avocados as tomatoes

I thought it was justified because avocadoes are so fucking expensive, but then

>tomatoes are $2.99 a kilo
>bananas are $3.99 a kilo
>scan bananas as tomatoes

I thought I was being sneaky, but then

>tomatoes are $2.99 a kilo
>bananas are $3.99 a kilo
>don't scan the bananas at all
>steal the bananas

Self serve checkouts are the gateway drug of shoplifting

>>4417910
>2.99 each

Where are you located? that seems a tad expensive

>7am
>Going to self checkout with some bananas for my cereal because I was a dumbass and forgot to buy them the day before.
>Walk up to self checkout
>before I can even fucking touch anything
>ATTENDANT HAS BEEN NOTIFIED TO ASSIST YOU

Are you fucking kidding me? This is why i always shop at trader joe's; they don't have any bullshit machines that fuck up for no reason, and all of their cashiers know what the fuck they're doing.

Also, Trader Joes is the fucking Mecca of hot chicks in my town.

>>4417910
How do people even shoplift, won't the buzzer go off when you try to leave?

>scan an item and put it in a bag
PLEASE PLACE YOUR ITEM IN A BAG
>The item is in a bag
PLEASE PLACE YOUR ITEM IN A BAG
>remove item and put it back in
YOU HAVE REMOVED AN ITEM FROM YOUR BAG

>>4417929
food items don't have security tags

>>4417910
>Self serve checkouts are the gateway drug of shoplifting

fuck.. I've never shoplifted anything in my 27 years on this earth but even I am tempted to just breeze out of there without paying exorbitant prices for asparagus and such. The burnout checking peoples' IDs sure isn't going to notice and I know how to fool a simple machine.

May have to start my life of crime tonight

>>4417547
Stop grocery shopping at the airport.

>>4417929
Do you think the buzzer is a goddamn magic fairy that somehow just "knows" when you didn't pay for something? They don't put tags in friut you dumbass.

>>4416904
I've encountered this exactly three times at the local supermarket and it's exactly why I bring my own bag. The signs above these checkouts that limit the item limit are ignored by all. The three times it happened that people with shopping carts FULL of shit they didn't need were in these lanes, I went to the managers station and put roughly, and I mean roughly because I could be off by 5,7 10$, the amount of money for my goods and leave. I've not been stopped yet, and if I did I would probably empty my bag on the counter and find a new supermarket.

>>4417920

Australia

>>4417946

I used to think scanning barcodes would 'mark' them and the buzzer just scanned for those.

But that was when I was 10.

>>4417976
that would explain it. MAybe you can start a local avocado farm and make big bucks underselling those california smucks

PLEASE PLACE THE ITEM INT HE BAGGING AREA

IT IS IN THE FUCKING BAGGING AREA

>>4416984
I've had some that announce the price of what you're buying (and how much you're saving if you've put in your whateverclubcard), but I've never heard of one announcing the actual names of the items.

>>4417986
I KNOW RITE?!?!1

>Scan expensive, organic fruit as cabbage
PLACE YOUR ”BULK CABBAGE” in the bagging area

>>4417936
Some self checkout systems work different brah

>Go to a grocery store
>The condoms are in those solid plastic security boxes
What the fuck. Seriously.
>Go to a different grocery store
>Condoms are just on the shelf like any sane person would do with them
>Go to self-checkout
>Scan
>APPROVAL NEEDED
GODDAMMIT I JUST WANT TO BUY SOME FUCKING DONG BAGS WITHOUT MAKING EYE CONTACT WITH ANYONE

>>4418031
What backwards Orwellian society do you live in where condoms are locked away?

>>4418031
There are a couple of grocery stores whose policy is not to stop shoplifters for condoms tampons and pregnancy tests. I think that is very bro of them.

>>4417983
California smuck here, I just get them for free off my tree.

>>4418048
lol no there aren't.
Fucking rationalizing thieving scum with shit for brains.

>>4418031
Order them from Amazon. I get mine for $10 for 40.

>>4418045
Probably somewhere in the US. We are weird about letting minors come into contact with anything even tangentially related to sex.

>PLEASE PLACE YOUR ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA
>ok
>PLEASE PLACE YOUR ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA
>bitch I did
>PLEASE PLACE YOUR ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA
>PLEASE PLACE YOUR ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA
>PLEASE WAIT FOR ASSISTANCE FROM THE CASHIER

>>4418031

>not looking directly into female cashier's eyes as you place the box of 40 Magnums on the counter

>>4418004
>>4418058

>>4418060
>implying she cares about some underage punk who's going to have to tie knots in his condoms to make them actually fit.

>people with carts using self service
Why.jpg

>>4418060
ID please

>>4418071

Who the fuck IDs for condoms?

>>4418066

Only knots tied will be in your mom ;)

>>4418079
Its happened to me a few times. I just told the clerk I would steal them if she didn't take my fucking money
>murrica. Where at the magical age of 18 you can suddenly smoke, fuck, buy a gun, and join the military

>>4418108
So let me get this straight. In murrica you can't buy condoms until you're 18 but get sex ed by some perv teacher when you're about 7. You people are fucked up beyond belief.

>>4418108

But not drink. You're mature enough to buy guns but not get drunk.

I was carded for a lighter once too.

>>4418115

Don't forget our sex ed is incredibly limited and some places only teach abstinence.

Also you can buy condoms under 18, it depends on the place.

>>4418115
Why they wouldn't want <18 year olds buying condoms is beyond me. It's like they're encouraging teen pregnancy.

>>4418115
>you can't buy condoms until you're 18
That's fuck-ridiculous. Where the fuck did you hear that? I was buying them at 13 to experiment jerking with at the local goddamn CVS.
I don't think there's any place that you get carded for buying condoms in the US; that, or it's very, very few places in the diehard Christian Right regions.

>>4418115
I have never been carded for buy condoms. Been buying since 14. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER

>>4415077
I would just combine red delicious apples with more expensive ones all in the same bag and then just put in red delicious

to fuck them over

lel

there's no way for them to know

>>33262072
murrica needs vending machines with condoms

>>4418122
But I thought clinics gave away free condoms.

>>4418139
Shit, meant to quote
>>4418115

>>4418115
I live in california and sex ed still doesn't teach you shit and in some places in the country they don't have it at all

we could get free condoms in high school though

>>4418139
>free
>condoms
>murica
Pick one

>>4418135
But then I wouldn't even really end up saving money because I'm sure as hell not going to eat those red delicious apples.

>>4418139
>>4418143

Some do. My school's health office gives em out but the Planned Parenthood just sells them cheap.

>>4418143
you can get unlimited free condoms in many states, I don't know what the minimum age is if there is one at all but I got them at 14

>>4418148
they're free from planned parenthood here

>>4418143
Any place that dispenses birth control in my area throws condoms at you
>tfw the condoms they give you are too small

>>4418122

A very large portion of this country is filled with extremely stupid people.

>>4418145
just put in one red delicious then gosh

>>4418056
I'm an americlap and I've never seen condoms locked up.

>>4418115
These people are probably from some shithole in the deep south(essentially a third world country). When I was in high school my girlfriend and I regularly bought condoms when we were 17. No ID required and no fucks were given (except later that night).

>select spanish as the language
>i do not know any spanish
>fuck something up and now have no idea how to fix it
>attendant has to reset the machine
>select spanish as language again

>>4418201

>>4418056
condoms are locked up because of theft.

>go to self-check for the first time
>no one around aside of two other people, 4 of these lanes are active otherwise
>decide going with a 1/3-full cart isn't too bad of an idea, woulkd be faster than going to the one active lane, right?
>scan first few items
>"Hey, this is easy, I shou--"
>"Weight Mismatch"
>take item out, put back in bag
>"Weight Mismatch"
>repeat a few times
>look at woman, who looks at me like I'm dumb
>stare at her, shove my hand into the bag, against the plate beneath it
>"Scan next item."
>everything after 'weight mismatch'
>shove my hand against the plate, alternating pressure until the thing fucking works
>emotionless 'brick wall' stare at the woman every time I have to do this
>she's starting to look uncomfortable
>scan, put away, error, 'fix' and stare x 15
>manager is standing there when i get to the last item
>"Weight Mismatch"
>fix and stare
>pay
>leave while staring at the two
>manager really looks like he wants to say something, but keeps his mouth shut
>still got out before the guy I would have been behind in the one open lane

>>4416300
Why are you so edgy and underage?

>County makes stores charge $.10 per bag
>Self checkout asks how many bags you will use
>Enter 0, take 3
>No charge, saved $.30.

Thug life.

>>4418274
What do you expect from a tripfag

What's the most traumatizing thing /ck/ has bought in checkout?

>Lubrication and sushi.
its separate but, I couldn't help but feel they were going to say something... I usually buy my stuff by itself.

>>4418588
Rope, lube, condoms. And they were all for the same thing. Still wasn't very traumatizing.

>>4418331
Cashier here, we also charge for bags. Most of the time I don't even bother charging the customers for them.

>>4418588
To be honest, we don't give two shits what you're buying. If you buy something like lube or condoms, I'm just going to think 'heh, sex', then immediately forget about it as soon as you leave.

>>4418588

>buying a nerf gun at target
>normally cashier doesn't give a fuck
>old lady cashier laughs and asks if it's for me
>y-you too

pregnancy test for GF she was too embarassed to get it i was 17

>>4418663

I know that feel

exlax when i couldn't shit. after that it was smooth sailing

>>4417385
>Also, any other grocery workers ever have a line of like, 15 fucking people at the self checkouts while youve got like 3 open registers with cashiers just standing there staring at them? WTF people.

YES HOLY FUCKING DICKS. It annoys me. It's gotten to point where the other cashiers have to STAND IN FRONT OF THEIR LINES TO WAVE PEOPLE TO THEIRS. And hell, when those lines get busy, then the self-checkout is empty so I have to wrangle people down to them, and they look at me like I'm holding a knife up to their throats.

At least I'm not a utility worker. I feel for those guys and hate asking them to do things.
>those horror stories of shit smeared in the most out of reach places in the bathroom
>children being little shits and slamming things down and breaking them, making them clean it up
>taking out bags for grumpy old ladies who have nothing to do but bitch bitch bitch at them even though they're helping them

One time I bought a pound of cheddar cheese and a gallon of prune juice.

Cashier
>getting crazy this weekend, eh?
me
>thanks, y-you too....

>>4417570
...Uh no? Lol. Wtf am I reading.

>>4415393
In some stores, mainly Walmart, the express lane is slow as fuck because they don't have conveyor belts

>>4415503
>nanners
>nanners
>nanners
it wasn't even funny once

>>4419071
I used to be on clean team (utility worker). It really wasn't bad. I had to clean shit up once, but it took 2 seconds. I also had to clean blood up which was kind of cool. Other than that I just sat around all day and stole stuff.
>tfw all your friends on clean team had to clean up shit at least once a week
And people puked in sinks a lot. I never understood why they didn't just walk three more steps to the toilet.
Oh and women are fucking disgusting when it comes to bathroom habits.

>>4418261
I'm laughing for real right now. Shit like this man, I try to help people at my closest supermarket when I'm there as a customer myself. The management shits themselves anytime their calibration software is faulty.

>>4415038
>get a letter in mail from bank
>forget to open it somehow, came on a saturday
>grocery shopping next day, sunday
>invalid card x infinitude
>cashier sees my bank debit card expired the day before
>tell her the mayo went bad

>walk into grocery store
>theft detector goes off
>all I have in my pockets are my ID and 30 dollars

>>4415091
Chip and pin, far superior m8

>>4420234
Forgot to pay for your $30, I assume.

>>4415116
Doesn't it charge you by weight though?

>>4415499
> using self-checkout for a cart's worth of items

There's a circle of hell reserved for people like you.

>>4420234
Check out, alarm goes off
>stand there for a couple seconds looking back to see if anyone is going to do anything
>nothing
>walk out

I have NEVER seen anyone be acknowledged after setting off one of those things.
Just once I'd like to see some guy get tackled and searched.

>>4415991

my brother always draws shit and apparently it's never caused him any problems

>>4417000
No self-checkout in the world reads each item out loud. That's as retarded as expecting a cashier to do it.

>>4420261
>Alarm goes off as a guy walks out of store with bag of groceries he just bought
>Guy stops and looks around
>Cashier waves him off
Everytime
Why even have them?

>>4420261
Last week I went into a store and the alarm went off.

When I left it didn't.

>>4420279

That was a situation in which there was a false positive and the cashier(s) knew it.

The system is a deterrent if nothing else.

>>4420271
I'm sure glad you've been to every self checkout in the world in order to check, really eases my mind.

>>4420271
One of the ones in my area does, but I can't recall which of the three American grocers from which I occasionally buy does this as I usually shop at Asian groceries.
It'll say something like:

>WELCOME
>PLEASE
>SCAN
>ITEMS
>NEW YORK
>STRIP
>STEAK
>FIVE
>FORTY-NINE
>A POUND
>ONE DOLLAR
>NINE
>CENTS
>SAVINGS
>PER POUND
>KELLOGG'S
>RICE
>KRISPIES
>ONE DOLLAR
>NINETY NINE
>CENTS
>FIFTY
>CENTS
>SAVINGS

and so on, with each line indicating a pause in the 'pooter's speech. There's an option to turn off the speech at the homescreen, though. It's designed that way with speech at default to help blind shoppers.

On the subject of blind shoppers, back home, before the introduction of the Euro, bills were of different sizes/shapes to help blind people differentiate between them tactilely. Euro bills are also of different sizes for this same reason. In the US, though, all the bills are the same size and shape so many blind people will have several ten-dollar-bills in one pocket and one-dollar-bills in the other. This way, they can pay with tens, ask for change in ones only and be able to accureately keep track of how much money they have and change they're given without fear of being screwed by unscrupulous cashiers.
Really, I don't know why they don't use credit cards exclusively, but whatever they wanna do, I guess.

These things should really have an enforced item limit. Nothing annoys me more than watching people with packed trollies roll through them.

How fucking arrogant do you have to be to think that you're the only person who should be handling your food when you pay for it?

>>4415488

>fanny pack

Every time

>>4415503
lol'd

I don't get it.