/ck/ - Food & Cooking

I would but I don't want anyone to steal my idea.

Big Black Stinky Uncut Cock Coddler. A show in which I travel to the inner city in a food truck selling fondue for sexual favors from Big Black Bucks.

I would like to pitch the fact that this faggot has ruined good cooking shows for everyone. He has single-handedly turned a human skill and art into a piece of shit that can be done by opening a few cans of garbage. He's taken a life force and turned it into triviality based on the lowest common denominator. I would like to pitch the idea that he should go jump off a cliff, sans parachute.

>>4106195
We are interested in your concept.

Food network aint shit now and I don't form opinions based on this crap. If he want's my opinions he'll pay me, but let's just say, cooking shows don't need background music, that's pathetic. And the constant drunken camera work is cheap looking at best. You want more, pay me, food network is a for profit company, I can tell by the amount of shit commercials that they put on.

>>4106201
Do you people pay your intern camera people more for the pitching, rolling, yawing, and going in and out of your lame camera work? Look to old shows such as Julia Child, Pepin, and others, before you idiots decided to make it entertainment instead of informational. Learn something from people that came before you, then you'll learn why your ratings are in the gutter.

>>4106204
And please do dump the background music. Why does a cooking show need background music or a stupid ass studio audience. You really lost it starting with Emeril's third show. A fucking band? Why???

His first two shows were decent then the network execs got involved and turned it to shit.

>>4106209
>>4106213
We'll tell our people right away.

>>4106173
You lost the ability to be critical when you because a network exec.

Guy Fieri, Rachael Ray, Robert Irvine, Ted Allen, Giada De Laurentiis, Ina Garten and Sunny Anderson.

They all suck.
Guy Fieri: He's a fucking hoar who hasn't met a dish that he doesn't like. Plus his show has that stupid same background music repeating over and over again. Is that supposed to stupify me or something into watching your commercials? NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

Rachael Ray: Raspy voiced garden gnome looking thing who couldn't cook if her life depended on it.
Chicks with raspy voices just aren't sexay, they remind me of crackheads.

Giada: A cupie doll who like nick cage wouldn't be anything without a big family name.

I have a couple great ideas for shows, but thats not what this has become. In fact this thread could never sere the intended purpose because its debatable whether or not there is value behind a food network show.

Honestly, I miss the food network. It used to be my favorite channel and I learned so much from it. As a kid, in his first years on the network, Alton Brown taught me so much about cooking and made me want to pursue it as a career. Now the food network is a Reality TV network that tries to make the best chefs famous and the worst home cooks even more famous. When you do show actual home cooking shows, the cooks on there are so completely sold out that its obvious the show isnt about the food, its about the entertainment, which is subpar. On a side note, if you wanted to get anything out of Giada's shows, dont make it completely about her cleavage.

The Cooking Channel is a cheap attempt to make up for the complete change on The Food Network. The shows on there all seem cheesy, and have a second rate cast. It would be a better attempt, except for the fact that at most 15% of America actually has access to the channel.

tl:dr If you want my ideas, show me that the Food Network is worth it.

>"Hey Tushman, wanna see my tush, man?"
>he proceeds to throw money at me
>???
>profit

>>4106219

I'm a novice learning how to cook. That's the show.

The fact of the matter is american tastes in food are objectively bad. They prefer bad food.

They also don't actually teach anything. If you are making a show, and they are teaching you how to make a white sauce, i want to know WHY its done this way, what are some common pitfalls, and what you can do to improve it. Not to mention feedback from various experts in cooking.

Overall all shows should be consistent in what they say, and conclusive. It should give you all the information there is to know about white sauce, and there should be no other show telling more or different information.

>>4106219

>>4106342
Your post is both contradictive and trite. Sorry, but you dont know WTF you are talking about.

>>4106342
dude, that was more than 3 sentences

>>4106209

For a minute, I couldn't tell if you were chastising Food Network, or Bang Bros.

>>4106342
>i want to know WHY its done this way, what are some common pitfalls, and what you can do to improve it
good eats?

>>4106342
>>4106709
Good Eats is cancelled due to Alton Brown losing interest. Enjoy your fat people shoving trite, rehashed recipes down your throats.

>>4106342
>there should never be conflicting information
>in cooking
...Are you serious?

>>4106726
Of course. There are only a certain number of ways to make a dish optimally.

The fact of the matter is that cooking IS a objective endeavor. There is/are only a certain number of ways to produce a "good" white sauce, depending on what your criteria for good is.

I think most people can agree on what "good" is, or at least you can tell when something is not "bad".

Greco-Roman Pizzeria

>>4106748
>cooking IS a objective endeavor.
>depending on what your criteria for good is.

>I think most people can agree on what "good" is, or at least you can tell when something is not "bad".

durpdurphurp

>>4106777
If you are going to refute a argument, come on.

I'll wait.

>>4106786
I bet you will. I bet... you will.

>>4106748
>a objective
>>4106786
>a argument

Breaking news: the word 'an'.

Jersey Shore but with trained chefs working and living together in NYC.

>>4106790
Still waiting.

dont listen to any of /ck/'s ideas, as you wont make any money. I only needed one sentence to tell you that. I was supposed to use three.

Food Porn Channel.
Beautiful meals made by nude porn stars during the day.
Sploshing and crushing at night.
Food related infomercials between stuff.

>>4106818
that seems unhygienic
most of those girls have herpes

>>4106821
The completed food will be given to hobo's.

>>4106821
That's why you have to hand pick them and get them tested.
And it's only unhygienic if you don't clean the fucking set ever.
They could also be semi clothed or whatever for recipes that involve extensive hazards.
And that is all for my 2 cents.

i fantasize about murdering guido ferry

Since we're talking about Food Network... did anyone think that their worse show in a long time was Heat Seekers?

Two wussy uncharismatic fucks get burned by jalapeno jelly. What the hell is up with this?

(And this is coming from a guy that likes Chopped.)

>>4106173

Three sentences, you say?

Five years penitentiary at Aspen Penal Colony for Guy fiery.

SIx month community service in a womens' shelter for Rachael Ray.

Twelve months yoga for Giada De Laurentiis.

>>4106173
>You have three sentences to pitch your idea to him.

Progun: the cooking show.

>>4107370
this but it would have a reality show spin- Progun would be forced to cohabitate and cook with Sceak.

>>4107372
>with guest appearance by Milk Jug Guy and Carafe Guy!

>guest commentary with Angie

>>4106201
Yo
Whur dem additions goan be at?

>>4107366
are you a gay red dot indian or an engine?

>>4107372
>>4107390
I would totally watch this show.

I'm not even joking. Make this a reality and I will pay money to see it.

>>4107504
Gross, Porgun would knock up the Angiebeast while Rosebot ran around the bed stimming.

How about a cooking show where neckbeards with aspergers debate how to add fresh ingredients to 20 cent boxes of ramen? We could call it a "A bag full of cocks"

>>4107366

A few years of dry ass rape should mellow out the douchebag disposition.

I thought this was /ck/ but then all these under privileged children started pitching ideas to get famous and known instead of killing Tushman.

>>4106748
I thought you might enjoy this

youpretentiousbuttfuckingpieceofshityourmothershouldhaveabortedyouwhenshehadthechanceyouslimycumguzz
lingasshatyouareeverythingthatiswrongwith/ck/ihopeyoudieinafire

>>4108015
Not that guy, but that looks like an interesting series of dvds. Anyone here have input on them?

>>4108037
They're books, you motherfucking plebe.

>>4108065
Oops. Looked like a dvd set.

How are the books?

>>4108075

fucking brilliant. They are incredibly detailed, very well photographed, and very well cited. The only problem is they are written with top-end chefs in mind so they call for some very costly equipment and ingredients in many of the recipes so not all of the information is practical for a home cook. That being said, the info contained in these books makes Good Eats look like a kindergarten.

>>4108101
Sweet. Looks like cooking school in a book set. I was looking for a step up from Good Eats, as it's a great intro to basic cooking.

How about a show, that just once, does not have that horrible witch Falkner in it? Bonus points if it doesn't have Guarnaschelli either

hes very out of touch with his viewer base, think about how many shows they try and fail, the only ones that have any success are just copies of each other.