/ck/ - Food & Cooking

no it's horrible
I was shocked at how bad it was, how do you mess up bread? fucking jews

I buy whatever I need for later. If it's a loaf of sandwich bread, I'll make sandwiches, toast, that's it. If it's a baguette I'll probably be using the entire thing for some fuckhueg sandwich or simply munching on crusty bread and butter.

>>19550698
that's like crunchy peanut butter. it's only half processed. I always thought that was retarded.

a true food snob would only buy fresh artisanal bread.
btw I would rather eat a par-baked baguette or ciabatta over Wonder Bread or any other american processed sliced bread

>>19550698
No I make my own bread from scratch. Not even trying to sound like an elitist, making even passable bread is retard-tier easy

>>19550698
no but I can't imagine ever being enough of a fragile faggot to get upset about other people buying premade dough to bake at home

>>19550707
crunchy peanut butter is smooth peanut butter with chunks added later, and it's better

>>19550745
it's easy if you're a piece of shit gamer who sits home all day

>>19550763

>>19550763
I work 40-46 hours a week
If you have time to shitpost you have time to mix some flour and water

>>19550698
how am i supposed to know what those three unlabeled characters are

>>19550773
You should try creating a family

>>19550698
lmao what kind of hick drew that comic?

>>19550773
i'm currently at 0, but i have a social life

>>19550827
lurk more newfag

I haven't eaten bread in ages

>>19550701
>sandwich bread
It's just bread or sliced bread, there's no such thing as "sandwich bread" ya fucking idiot

>>19550698
It's pretty good if I'm making soup or stew, I'm going to put the bread in the warmer anyway.
Speaking of which, those frozen ones that you can let thaw on a sheet tray are also good if you need some silver dollar dinner rolls. Granted, you could just get the fully-cooked stuff and put them in a bun warmer. I honestly don't think much of this matters, I'm not too picky.

>>19550698
it's delicious
but no, i don't buy it
because i don't want to speak to people

I used to but then I got a breadmaker and realised how shit all commercially produced bread is
>look at a white sliced pan
>ingredients: fucking rapeseed oil

>>19550827
It's satire.

>>19551239
>you know that thing everyone uses because it does the job perfectly? it is le bad!
Every fucking time. Fuck off with you nu old wives' tail bullshit.

parbaked bread is stupid. crusty loafs in the oven for 5-10 minutes are great.
but parbaking can be okay for things like pizzas and casseroles.

>>19551239
oh no not the heckin' SNEED OIL this is white genocide

>>19550827
>doesn't know about Kelly
The summerfags are real

>>19550763
Anon stop coping, get a stand mixer and you can crank out a dough in few min.

>>19550763
The secret is that if you do a short prep the day before you save tons of time the next day.

>>19550701
Same
>>19550901
Bread used for sandwiches? It exists only to hold the contents of the sandwich. Like a burrito tortilla. Baking is too much work and heats up the house too much so it’s just not really worth it when you barely use it imo

>>19550700

>>19550823
Jobs are for poors and families are for women

>>19550698
It seems like he only learned what par-baked means after drawing the comic. Embarrassing. This guy's comics are always terrible, though.

>>19551492
You know these cartoons are meant to lampoon political cartoons, right?

>>19552277
Actually, no. I only see them posted from time to time, and honestly don't really read any political cartoons. I do follow politics though, and the message always seems really convoluted, especially if it's supposed to be, "I was only pretending to be retarded."

>>19550763
We literally live in the age of machines, they make bread machines that are like 50 bucks. Literally no work except for dumping in ingredients, picking your settings, and boom - fresh bread. Even a fucking timer for fresh bread for breakfast or dinner. Sure it doesn't make perfect bread, but it makes better bread than the fake shit you buy at the market. And it does make perfect bread if you abort the built-in bake and do a proper bake in the oven.

>>19552296
https://youtu.be/QVtbkQMwJS4

Stan Kelly is genuinely pretty funny though. This video is a masterpiece.

>>19552296

>>19550698
>Do you only buy par-baked bread?
I've seen that stuff, never bought it, don't even get why it exists. The whole fucking point of buying bread at the market is to NOT HAVE TO COOK IT. I want ready made bread that I can make shit out of, not some half-assed product I have to finish for the wagie who failed to finish their job. If I have to turn on my fucking oven, I am going to make the bread myself. If I need to warm it up, which I don't, it goes into the microwave or toaster.

>>19552277
Is it though? It doesn't really read as parody or comedy on it's own, it reads as serious retarded political commentary. It's not even absurd, and it definitely doesn't hit on the ugly truth people avoid, which is a hallmark of great comedy. This shit is recent too, so saying it was from a time when reality wasn't a clown world like comedy from the 80s/90s isn't an excuse.

>>19550763
This Retread...
You know, Baking bread is like 20 minutes of "Work" and the rest of the time is waiting, right?

>>19552358
The guy works for The Onion, a comedy website that mocks and satirises the US news media

>>19552296
Stan Kelly is a satirical cartoonist for the Onion.
Strangely, The Onion has been MORE factual recently than the MSM.*(from what little I've seen.)
https://youtu.be/Q4PC8Luqiws

>>19552358
Not thinking a joke is funny doesn't mean it wasn't a joke

>>19550698
i buy two loaves of Country Harvest-brand stuff every once in a while; usually make my own 5-or-6-ingredient white bread tho

>>19551383
Kek

>>19552296
the fact you can't immediately discern the most blatant satire means you're probably legitimately autistic

>>19552600
>the most blatant satire
To be fair, there's no real difference between the American right and satire at this point.

>mix ingredients
>toss it in a bowl
>next day, put it in the oven
>THIS IS TOO HARD FOR ME, I HAVE TO WORK! I CAN ONLY EAT MCDONALDS!!!
what do you think it would take for ckniggers to actually cook anything

>>19550707
crunchy peanut butter is actually more processed than smooth, because the crunchy chunks are added later

>>19550698
What the fuck does par-baked mean?

>>19550763
baking bread takes fucking two hours max, unless its sourdough

>>19552784
>direction-brain
nearly always terminal

>>19551383
And see how he recoils - "I've been found out"

>>19552820
Partially baked

>>19552845
You mean the stuff you kinda just heat in your oven for 10 minutes? That stuff is pretty shitty, I've bought buns and small baguettes like that occasionally and they're alright, but they taste of mass production

>>19552829
It's not about directions. The Republican party is a complete monolith at this point and they're all batshit retarded. There's plenty of stupid shit all around, but when you say "the right" you're talking about one single thing and everyone knows what it is.

>>19552857
the Republican party is the least monolithic it's been in my lifetime. the Trump schism may well end up destroying the party for good.

>There's plenty of stupid shit all around, but when you say "the right" you're talking about one single thing and everyone knows what it is.
that is perfectly true for "the left" as well, but because that's your team you don't see it.

>>19552887
As a non-american, to me the left and the right of American politics are both hell bent on destroying themselves because they're so unable to view themselves from the outside, and they're going to throw the country into a civil war just to be right

>>19552820
It means Cooked to just before completion. Those semi-raw loaves of bread are meant to finish in a 385° F oven for 8-15 minutes so you can have fresh bread in half to ¼ the time.
Same with par-boiled rice.
In short, It's a gimmick. You pay MORE for the same shit, but much like the addition of an egg to a boxed cake mix, the CONSOOOMER feels like they actually did something.
I've purchased a 2 pk. of Italian loaves once when they were on discount for maybe $1.50 to make french bread pidzers out of... NOT worth it.
It's getting harder and harder to find standard bread and buns that haven't been pozzed with all manner of fillers and additives.
I haven't purchased bread more than 4 times this year. Just one day out of the week and 2 hours of actual work will give you the best quality bread for pennies.
>Crumpets are ~$6/package
>Wonder how hard can they be?
>find good YT vid--OH SHIDDD!! They're easier than bread even!
NOMNOMNOMNOM!!
The Video:
https://youtu.be/ganHDnSz3yw
The channel:
https://www.youtube.com/@JohnKirkwoodProFoodHomemade

>Americans in charge of bread
LOL

>>19552899
>It means Cooked to just before completion.
Why not just call it edged bread

>>19552907
KEK!
Well, as sexy as food can be, I don't think Bread Brinksmanship really counts here.
t. Food RAPIST

>>19552296
You are shockingly stupid.

>>19552887
>that is perfectly true for "the left" as well
That's not even remotely true. And there is no "Trump schism"; republicans in congress aren't voting any different than they ever did, even if they hate Trump. The party has never been as monolithic as it is today. They don't even have policy anymore beyond whatever random shit Trump happens to say at the moment.

>>19552917
Really? Most people in my life don't seem at all surprised by my stupidity.

>>19552928
Yeah I'm sure they're used to it by now

>>19552890
I don't think things will go as far as war, but it certainly seems like the parties are both stuck in poorly-defined purity spirals. The Republicans are probably further down the path since Trump happened to them and the Democrats are mostly keeping busy with ruling, but there are powerful elements in that party who would be happy to tear it apart. they just need an avatar to push them into it.

politics in this country are right fucked, m80

>>19552926
lmao you don't know shit

>>19552943
And people on the right are never able to say anything beyond, "no! you're an idiot!" because, again, there's no actual policy on the right, so there's nothing they can actually say to disprove that.

Braindead commies won't even get wrecked on cheap whiskey and run over the mayor's daughter anymore. This is what happens when you let shitskins come and invent 5g and vaccines all over the place

>>19552300
they don't work for whole wheat bread without added sugar

>>19552371
i'm never home and awake long enough for the waiting part

>>19552978
AH.. Been there.
Welp! Just READ those labels like a fiend, I guess.
It really isn't that hard, OR that time intensive.
There are quite a few no knead bread methods you might look into.
https://youtu.be/I0t8ZAhb8lQ

>>19552913
Who’s that cutie on the bread Anon?

>>19552978
There are a bunch of breads you can just leave in the fridge or overnight to rise.

>>19552999
>Diggits
I really don't know. I just looked for a "HUMPING" .gif that I could use to "RAPE" good looking foods in GIMP.
I suppose I have to give credit to Rabbi-Lulu for the sauce material, she had a Terry .gif as well.
>ONE OF US...ONE OF US...

>>19552999
it's youmu from touhou

>>19553068
TY anon..NOW I can continue to RAPE foods, content with the knowledge that...I know her name.
Gonna have to watch it nao, even though I'm not terribly into Anime.

>>19553068
...AND play the games too, apparently.
Emulators Here Ise come!

>>19552995
kneading is the quick part. it's the waiting around for it to rise i don't have time for during summer when everything is happening. no big loss because i don't eat sandwiches

>>19553012
or i could walk to the nearest bakery and get better bread

>>19553148
ok keep paying 10 times what that bread's worth because you can't be assed to get out of your chair for 20 minutes while calling everyone who makes the slightest effort a piece of shit gamer who sits home all day

>>19552973
if you really think the Republican party was more divided in 2004 than it is right now, I don't think I have the command of language required to explain to you that you are wrong

>>19553162
a baguette costs a dollar ($1), not worth my time if it took 5 minutes

>>19553308
where the fuck are you getting a baguette for a dollar?

>>19552810
DELETE THIS

>>19552332
booba

>>19553327
He's probably exaggerating. But the last time I went to my closest grocery bakery it was $2 or less for a loaf of french bread.

>>19550763
you mix up flour and water and yeast while you're stoned out of your mind at midnight then throw it in the oven a half hour before you eat dinner the next day. real hard, damn

>>19550763
I work most days and can bake plenty of loaves regularly.

>>19550827
>worked by Kelly

>>19552899
Bread made at home costs about $1/loaf if you buy supplies in bulk. Even fancy enriched loaves cost like $4/loaf at most.

>>19553327
Weirdly, a good, proper crusty baguette in my area is $1.49 while a shitty supermarket "baguette" costs double that.

>>19553327
>>19553384
>>19553636
you're getting screwed compared to what people pay in France

>>19553492
i'm not home for dinner. i prepare my day's nourishment all at once in the morning.

>>19550698
what kind of brain dead retard even draws pretentious shit like this? "trusty name brands"? you mean faceless multinational corporations right? you telling me to support some faceless corporation rather than the artisan baker baking fresh croissants and sour dough loafs right in my own neighbourhood? fucking corporate lapdog propogandists.

>>19553708
You are not very smart.

>>19553693
Oh, I know. I'm from the next country over (but live in USistan now).

>>19553708
WE HAD THIS DISCUSSION ALREADY KEEP UP WITH THE FUCKING THREAD YOU DUMBASS

>>19550698
>nobody else points it out
Fine, I'll say it. Jesus didn't tell us to eat bread in memory of Him. He told us to consume His body and blood which are the particular bread and wine of the Eucharist.

>>19553708
>still not getting facetious humor
why is this so difficult to grasp for some of you?

>>19554727
I actually don’t care about The Jesus, and that.

>>19550698
Yes, that's literally snobbery. Fucking hell... These "comics" are just stupid.

>>19554737
I am not going to eat wonder bread just because someone might think I am a snob for not eating it. You are welcome to think that, while I go on eating what I like.

>>19554737
you'll figure it out one day, kid

ITT: actual autists

>>19553708
It's satire, but I can understand the confusion since it's not funny.

>>19554728
Just because its snarky about it doesn't mean its good.

>>19550698
Ewww

>>19550698
>american conservative funnies
so bad I lolled

>>19554843

>>19554809
nobody is claiming it's good, just that it's the most obvious of obvious satire and the people who can't see it are retarded

>>19554843
>conservative
as with all satire journalism you can still pretty clearly tell their real politics by the jokes they don't make, although kelly does muddle it a bit more than they usually do you also know he is liberal because he makes regular non satire political cartoons as well

>>19554860
It’s not really as obvious as you say but sure, call me retarded

>>19554822
The fuck? Anything will last for years in the freezer. I've had bread and ice cream that was over 3 years old.