/ck/ - Food & Cooking

Only bitches brake for coal burners

>>17564126
A fit mom teaching a child life skills. Incredibly rare sight.

Oh no it won't!

>Pushes her out the way with my cart
Not my problem, coal burner.

>check out feet and daughter
>they immediately fuck off

heh

>>17564126
you must be confused people like like that don't aisles. the people who do you literally can't get past in the aisle.

>>17564126

>>17564521
based stroke poster

excuse me madam i noticed your wearing sandals
do you mind if i..no? excellent!
SNRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRK

Absolutely amazing. This is the first time I've seen a stock photo of my sister and niece on this website.

>>17564126
>"Excuse me"
>walk by
>"Thank you"

>>17564967
hey fuck you buddy

>>17564967
Based functioning member of society

>>17564967
aww hell no wyte boi i'm shopping heaya you better walk you little skinny baby nuts ass around before i call my babby daddy on yo faggot ass

>>17564967
What annoys me is the fact that people (women in particular) live in their own little fuckin world and you have to ask them to get out the way because they are unaware of their surroundings.

>>17564126
*barges past rudely*

only correct response

>>17564981
I think you need to take another look at the OP picture. That was not a jungle bunny blocking the path.

>>17564967
>Front kick her shopping cart, full force.
>"It's your dad's supermarket or what ?! Move !"

>>17564967
For me, it's "Excuse me miss."

>>17564984
https://voxday.net/2021/06/27/solipsism-and-its-consequences/

>>17564515
I feel like this is what people think I'm doing as soon as I show up near little girls in a public setting,they move out of the way immediately. I guess I just look that creepy

>>17564126

Excuse me ma'am, but would you like a second child?

>>17565139
they can see that you're thinking this

>>17565025
don't lip at me you cracka ass faggot i will slap you sideways yo skinny wyte ass better back of or ima hafta slap a lil wyte boy to earn some respek

>>17564126
That is a cute girl, ask for her whatever young people use to call each other

>>17564126
>blocks your and everybody else's path

>>17565055
cringed hard. perhaps you'd fit in better on reddshit?

>>17565298
>kill yourself sodomite
based

>>17565298
California looks like a cultural black hole.

>>17565135
I read your blog post, now pay me for my time.

>>17565335
Canada, dumbass

>>17565335
.ca is Canada.

>>17564136
s i m p

>walk behind chick in grocery store
>happen to take one or two turns they take
>they now look over their shoulder 20 times before they get to the end of the aisle
is it impossible in your pea brain that your not the only one wanting to go down the cereal aisle so i have to have some kind of motive involving you ya self absorbed cunt

>>17564126
I just walk right up and then stand there and stare at them

Then they apologize and movie

This works on everybody probably because I'm tall

>>17565856
I know these women only think of themselfs what of my needs for canned chili's and boobie and knowing where you parked?

>>17565864
*move not movie

>>17565864
Also works if you're fat and audibly breathe, they see me as a wild, virulent bull

>>17565135
Remember when everybody had websites on Geocities or Tripod with dumb pieces of writing like this? Then blogspot came along vacuuming everybody up into its homogenous format, then Facebook and Twitter assassinated all the humans on the internet.

>>17565357
>>17565354
same thing really

>>17564126
At least it's only one cart, I've seen people do this shit with two. Three generations of the same Mexican family taking up half the aisle is also worse; even when they're moving it's like waiting for a line of ducklings to cross the road.

>>17565277
>be one of the rare americans that's not a lard ass
>can actually fit between the pallets of goods when they're setting them out in the evening
I was a stocker a long time ago, I know the drill, I can weave through that shit and it doesn't even slow me down.

>>17566054
That's the really annoying shit right there.
If you're going to bring your entire tribe to the store at least have the decency to march single file or something holy shit.

>>17565277
At least he is working. I see abandoned pallets, carts and ladders all the fucking time.

>>17564126
>not exlusively shopping on the outer edges of the grocery store
NGMI

and this is why i never feel bad about doing this, keep these fucking normies out of my way wagie.

>>17565277
nah he is doing his job.

>>17566054
I hate this. Send one or two of the 10 people living in your house to get the shit goodness.

>>17565864
Also works if you’re an autistic retard like me

From Lil Ugly Mane's Hoeish Ass bitch:

>All up in the store with the mac and the cheese too
>Shove past nasty bitches, a player got to buy juice
>Hoeish ass bitch, looking sloppy and ragged,
>Talking like she coming after me
>I'll just demonstrate some gravity
>Don't get mad at me, cart flippin's what it had to be
>Talking all that shit just ends in aisle three

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cx4imUOvLAM

>>17564126
I pick up the girl and put her in my cart.

I get bullied by teenage girls at the grocery semi frequently. Last time they followed me around loudly announcing how much I made them hot satirically. I've been twerked at and such too.

>>17565055
based confrontational ESL

>>17565277
>Blocks your path
>Isn't blocking the aisle
Huh?

>blocks your check-out lane

As other anons have posted, whenever I come into some arbitrary proximity and look where I want to go or something I want to grab on a shelf people glance over their shoulders and hurriedly make room, glancing at least once again.

>>17565864
bonus points for giving them that autism stare

>>17566519
Take out your phone and start filming them, dummy.

Some people are in a complete daze when they block entire aisles by themselves.
>Fat middle aged looking woman standing 45 degrees across the aisle with her cart staring at a shelf
>Wait patiently exactly 3 seconds while slowing moving closer and making my approach known
>0 reaction and she isn't making any moves
>Slide past in the narrow gap while lightly touching the side of her cart while saying "excuse me"
>She snaps her neck at me and her throat blurts out a surprised "ah!" while pulling backwards slightly

>>17565277
Kys

>>17566665
I don't have a sister

>>17564967
this but without the thank you, nothing to thank them for

I live in a place with lots of Mexicans and they like to stop and talk when they see friends or extended family which means there are 10 people sometimes just standing there. My gf has started to hate spics more than me now which is hilarious to me

>>17565277
The fat cunt isn't even helping she's just playing on her Microsoft Surface Pro doing fuck all.

>>17566722
You are to be executed

>>17565298
I figured out why they call themselves they/them.
When the landwhale goes to the supermarket to buy a 20 lb bucket of ice cream, 'they' obviously has to say 'they' take it home for their family.
That's it. They call themselves that because they eat for 5 people

>>17565277
>Rip open plastic and take grocery product before it's put on the shelf
Is this taboo?

>>17566722
you are just jealous the owner didn't treat you gringo

>>17564967
>"SCUSE me"
Booming it up close usually startles them and they jump a bit. You dont even feel rude because they're completely in the wrong and they know it - being that unaware of your surroundings is subhuman behavior.

>>17564126
You are given 1 loud 'excuse me' and after that your kid is getting rammed with my larger cart

>>17564126
imagine being a woman in a supermarket and having to use a cuck cart because your family is too small. couldn't be me

>>17566740
Yes, because it makes the container unstable and more of a hassle for him to move around.
If you need something from one of the packages you should ask him for it.

>>17564967
>ExcuuuuUUUuuUUUsE ME, miss

>>17565277
he's not paid enough to give a shit, i wouldn't either

>>17564126
What's the problem here? It's just a woman out shopping with her son in 2022. Only problem I see is the lack of masks (but presumably all parties have gotten the weekly vax patch).

>>17566760
>your kid is getting rammed
nice
>...with my larger cart
you pussied out there anon

>>17564967
Lucky you. People think I'm a creep, so I turn 360 degrees and walk away... only to have them think I'm even more of a creep when I come up behind them from the other end of the aisle.

>>17564967
>*pretend to be a quarterback with my groceries*
>side slide right past her
>spike a glass of pickled eggs on the ground
>do a little dance
>make a little love
>pull a red flag out of my pocket
>tell the little girl to stay away from drugs
>360 walk away

>>17566753
>Booming it up close usually startles them and they jump a bit.
I avoid startling people by continuously mumbling Slingblade quotes as I shuffle my cuck-cart down the aisles.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAgSUFT4cVk

>>17566735
>>17566746
>assblasted spics
You don't need the whole family to go out groccery shopping, but I am grateful for how lazy and unaware spics are. Any store that has spics working there are very easy to steal from, especially the self check out lane at Walmart.

>>17566815
If I were high I might go that route. Wandering around the store high out of your mind when it's fairly empty is so damn comfy. 9 to 11am and 1 to 3pm are probably the best timeframes other than late night, but that's a different atmosphere.

>>17566555
>Coupons are expired
>Calls manager for an override
>Pulls out checkbook
>"Do you have a pen?"
>"Who do I make this out to?"
>"What was the amount again?"
>Fucks up and starts over
>Cashier struggles to run check because this is the second time in their lives they've had to do it and the machine has malfunctioned from disuse
Checks and the people that use them should be banned from stores.

>>17566835
i'd do the same thing tbqhwyf, but i enjoy sneaking around the aisles deep at night, especially before walmart stopped doing 24/7. then i see a worker and pretend to be shopping again.

>>17564126
>look to your side or behind you
>ram her
>"oopsie daisy sorry ma'am didn't see you standing there in the middle of the aisle"

>>17566849
Why aren't all coupons and checks completely digital and bound to a card by now? Does the store actually benefit from making things difficult?

>>17566671
Make one.

>>17566910
Damn, what are her macros?

>>17564967
NO

>>17566863
Night has a more mysterious/exciting atmosphere, while mid day (not lunch time) has that lazy, cozy atmosphere. Like you're hiding away in some dormant pocket of time with no responsibilities or expectations - everyone else busy in the real world. Maybe you've got the day off, you're up in the morning taking your time, then a trip to the nice, empty store where even after you've wandered for what seems like forever you still have the whole day to slowly enjoy yourself. Kind of a similar feeling to staying home sick from school. The world just put on hold until people start emerging from work and such. True kino of the highest order.

>>17566962
I’ve been trying to find those feelings again for years.

How can I remove dread and slowdown time again?

>>17564143
>>17564131
are you implying that kid is black and not just tan? because no small mulatto child has hair like that, and no it's not a wig

>>17566995
It’s bait, and you bit it.

>>17566926
I think most stores with coupons have a digital option now, but manufacturers coupons can be easier to distribute in dead tree format. The paper versions largely still exist because people that want to use a check to buy fucking groceries still roam the earth. Lower IT costs for smaller operations are probably also a reason. On top of that, if you go to buy something, forget your coupons or find they're not valid, and then buy the thing anyway the store has skimmed a bit of extra profit off of that sale.

>>17566835

>>17566972
It can be difficult with looming responsibilities. Even with a few days off you may already be anxious about returning to work. A familiar place with time to spare and nothing to worry about I think is key. You probably don't need drugs, but weed during the day can definitely get you there. I've always been a night person, but more recently it feels empty with a certain kind of loneliness to it that I do not feel during the day and why I keep mentioning daytime. Maybe grocery stores work well for that feeling for me because they have for the most part not changed, functionally speaking. The facade is a bit different, but the process is essentially the same. Going when no people are around eliminates more of the disparity between past and present state and being high would diminish any excess anxiety. I'm rambling but that's more or less what I think of it. Indoor malls might be another appropriate setting.

>>17567035
I avoid that aisle but for the most part yeah. Lot of reading ingredient labels.

>Someone thoughtlessly parks their cart so it blocks the entire aisle and walks away
>They are using self-checkout with a scanner
>Pick it up and scan their most expensive product 10 times before putting it back
>Push the cart aside and walk past with a smile because they won't notice like the gullible airheads they are

>>17566940
She curls what you bench

>>17566910
Is this achievable natty?

I don't mind women blocking a n isle or two but they seem to be instinctively know where the bottlenecks of supermarkets are and stop walking exactly at these key positions to take out their phone or looks at some shiny package that cough their eye.
I also think women suck at driving for the same reasons.

>eats daughter
>victory walk to the cold cuts isle

>>17566589
when I worked retail I would see people zoned out in the middle of the aisle all the time just staring at the shelf. it's hard to imagine that there's anything going on inside their heads. just inching around microscopically slowly in a daze, looking every direction except the one they're going in then jumping back in surprise when they're about to hit someone or something. stopping randomly to read something on their phone or start comparing two things. I've seen people literally stand (in the way) looking at something on the shelf for a solid 5 minutes, leave, then come back to the same spot and repeat. or come down a clearly occupied aisle with several workers, freight, carts, etc in the middle of redoing the whole aisle, force them to move several carts or whatever, just to not get anything from that aisle.

>>17567662
But people on 4chan keep telling me you guys don't notice anything customers do.

>>17567895
that's because everyone on here thinks they're the only person on the planet with a consciousness, that's why the NPC meme is so popular.
but more importantly, my job (stocking the shelves) was monotonous enough that I could do it without thinking about it, and think about other things including what the around me were doing.

>>17567895
That's only true individually. I've worked retail, and we do notice things, but even for most of the memorable stuff I'd struggle to put a face or voice to the event a week later, if that. Of course people are going to notice shoppers staring at the ceiling with their mouths open, the more important part is that we don't care about it as much as one might think. The spotlight effect is strong.

>>17566519
satirically? lmao

>>17565856
Women are retarded.

>>17566589
Everything scares old white women. No matter what you do, if they weren't aware of your presence, when they realize you exist they jump, make a sound, and get scared. It's a rather funny experience.

>>17567105
>>17566835
>>17566863
>>17566962
>>17566972
>>17567073
Dude get a life

>>17567895
I notice EVERYTHING you do and you looks like a retard.

>>17568525
>mass replying to strangers on /ck in a thread about grocery store aisles
>"dude get a life wow"
lmao what a fuckin retard

>>17566960
>hey
>Hey!
>HEY!
>dis not library

>>17564967
>ahem!
>”Honk, honk!!”
>”Excuse me, need to get by!”

>>17564126
Cute loli. I would show her the sausage aisle, if you catch my drift

>>17566849
Check chads, how tf do we keep on winning so?

>>17568757
I had to write a check for an employee I fired today. I had no idea what I was doing and I can only hope I filled it out correctly.

>>17565277
do you want food or not?

>>17568843
>literally can't function or contribute to society
>has employees
holy kali yuga!

>>17568843
30 year old Boomer reporting. Checks are dumb, but how do you not know how to write one? Filling out scantrons is more difficult.

>>17569632
>scantrons
>rolls out the machine
>says classmates names
>runs through machine
>bip bip buhbip
>says my name
>bip buzzzz bip bip

>>17565277
this looks like the great canadian superstore located beside the ontario science center

>>17564697
Cool, which is which?

H-hey you need to be wearing a mask and follow the gay little ground arrows

>>17566247
kek LPT would have an autistic fit seeing this.

I literally just grab peoples carts and move them myself if they're in my way, regardless of if they're holding onto it or not. 9 times out of 10 they apologise, the rest just avoid aknowledging it.

I'm annoyed as it is having to walk among hundreds of people, I don't have the patience to stand there like a goof and wait for them to notice me.

>>17570094
One time a person's cart was completely blocking the aisle, and I took it to the checkout and bought all their stuff so they had to start their shop again. Only once, and I wouldn't do it again because I started feeling really scared when she shouted at me and I ended up paying for tampons I had no use for.

>>17570110
Fucking lol, surely you had a female family member you could have given them to at least?

>>17570125
I honestly didn't think of that. It would have been embarrassing to give tampons to my my mother or sister, though, which is probably why. I just put them in cups of water to see their capacity (which is amazing to witness), and put them in the bin.

>>17570142
>I just put them in cups of water to see their capacity
I can admire this.

>>17564126
cute butt, would eat out for hours on end

>>17570175
uh... she's facing the camera. How do you know how her butt looks?

>>17569632
>30 year old
>boomer

I don't think you know what that term means anon.

*unzips duck

>>17565298
>>17566739

>>17570398
obvious newfag is newfag

>>17570202
You're talking to Joe Biden

>>17570428
Haha gotcha fool

>>17566797
wtf I was just going to make this exact same comment as a joke

>>17564126
I just take my hoodie off so they can see my "sex instructor, 1st lesson free" Tshirt and then they wheel off in a hurry right after

>>17570504
I should buy a shirt that says
>Debate me, I'm a political science major
And on the back it says
>Ask me about bitcoin
For errands

>>17564126
>try to walk loudly to get noticed
>pretend to look at items until they move
>cough
>didn't work
>squeeze past
>knock over some items
>uh huh haa.. oops
>360 and quickly walk away

>>17566797
my dad used to reagularly ask parents "how much for the little girl?" if children irritated him. I think he'd be arrested these days if he pulled that stunt.

>>17566739
holy shit, the secret of the ages

>>17570398
it's one of the dumber memes to come from redditchan 2bh

>>17566797
>>17566801
If you turn 360 degrees you'll be facing the same way, idiots. You wouldn't be walking away.

>>17565277
He puts the shit on the shelf, he has a reason and isn't just standing there.

>>17567662
Your autism is showing

>>17564126
https://youtu.be/USWqrrF6cQw

they would move on their own, they're polite whites

>>17567662
I do this to check prices and options when i'm not sure what i'm going with yet. Going with the first thing I see on the shelf just seems dumb.
Though in honesty, i'm a very indecisive person so it takes me a while to decide what I want in general.

>>17564126
Holy fuck, an endangered species!
White people in stock photography!

>>17566054
I swear, /ck/ has the funniest racism. Never change.

>>17566910
Wow, she was clearly in the army. And ate them all.

>>17574750
how is that racist? and why did you ignore the actual racist posts? kys

>>17574755
2/10 shitpost. NGMI

>>17566054
we have this in my local supermaerket except it's entire poo families. there's always elderly grandmothers with them so you can't even push through them

>>17572243
I always walk at 95 degrees to wherever I'm facing.

>>17564126
>Stop and pretend to look at something further down the isle until they leave

>>17565277
>Walk by and look to see if you can see the top of his ass

>>17565298
>Kill yourself, sodomite

>>17574779
the fuck does that even mean

>>17575170
Admittedly, the joke is a lot funnier in radians

>>17570726
Wait a few more years in Biden's America and it'll not only be acceptable again but also not be a joke.

>>17566797
>>17570726
Personally, I do all of my shopping like Richard Dickhuge James to give all other patrons a wide berth.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqega6a2g6A

>>17564126
crash into their cart while trying to squeeze past and sarcastically say "oops"

>Walk around grocery store in unusual/out of season clothing while laughing and mumbling to myself all the time
>Walk way too fast and make constant back/forth head movements, like I'm a hunter on the chase for my tendies
>People always notice me coming and move out of the way if I need something behind them
Take the schizo-pill

>>17575202
>tfw you wanted to reply to this post with a joke, but the joke's details document further aberrant behavior that could dox you
HAHA GLAD THATS NOT ME

>>17575202
This actually works in most cases.

>>17564967
>"Excuse me"
>walk by
>once I'm behind the mom immediately drop to my knees
>grasp her hips tightly
>bury my face in her ass and inhale deeply

>>17566769
not my problem

>>17566519
I beg your pardon

Why the fuck was my post deleted, it broke absolutely no rules

>>17564126
Lol I did this earlier this morning. No one was in the store so it wasn't that bad but I was looking through all the baking powders and flours to see if they had diastatic malt powder. They didn't, unfortunately.

>>17566740
Depends. When I worked at a grocery store I wouldn't care if people grabbed stuff off of my "load" of shit I was stocking. Most people were polite and would ask though.

>>17565864
This normally works, but I once did this to a black woman in London, and she just stared back at me. After a few seconds, she asked if I needed help, and I muttered somethinf about wanting to pass by her. She then stared at me another few seconds, and asked why I didnt just say so. I then felt awkward and went back around the aisle and out of the shop

just do all your shopping at 3AM

>>17575894
how many people are there typically?

Ask me anything

>>17575894
in my country it's against the law for supermarkets to be open at that time, I think only gas stations and hospitals are open at 3 am

>>17564126
replace the white bitch with a nog, his gf, her brother, his gf, and 4 more children and that is every shopping experience at my local walmart

>>17564967
This is literally communism.

>>17564140
Yeet!

>>17575930
can your skin get bpa from these kind of clothes?

>>17565277
he's working, bitch. you're in HIS way, not the other way around.

>>17564126

>>17565298
based nigga

>>17576186
Not him, but yes. Plastic clothing of any kind often causes chemicals to leech into your skin, simply due to body heat. I hope that it’s possible to utilize nanomachines to consume every single plastic in this world, and permanently destroy it. People would suddenly be naked, as their clothes and shoes were disintegrated in a flash. Chips and all other packaged foods would suddenly fall onto the shelves and scatter, ramen discs would roll on the ground. It would be beautiful.

>>17566730
she is clearly not an employee blind retard

>>17564967
Oooo Gotem

>>17564126
cunny

>>17576186
No

>>17564967
>Pardon me
>Sorry

>>17565277
>>blocks your and everybody else's path
nah, in my experience the ones who go out of their way to block things are the online order chimps

>>17574847
that's why I carry a few dollar store brand pencils with me, to play b-52 bomber

>>17574779
face north, walk east slightly east-northeast while still facing north
seems pretty self-explanatory anon

>>17576816
meant this for
>>17575170

>>17576801
Yep. They even piss us other wagies off. Fuck personal shoppers with a broomstick.

>>17572243
Go try it out. The results will surprise you.

>>17575683
shut up queer