/ck/ - Food & Cooking

That's a good one. I just thought maybe you could call Big Macs Pig Macs, if you ordered a Pig Mac they would probably hear it as Big Mac and not even notice!

>>16404035
>Knock knock
Who dis is?
>Lemon
Lemon who?
>Lemon ya glad I didn't say banana

LOL

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'

>>16404035
Is this Mr. Oreo? Does Mr. Hydrox have the night off?

>>16404035
Christ I miss Friendly's

>>16404035
*le phone rings*

Hi, is your fridge running?
>No, it's broken
You better get it fixed
*hangs up le phone*

Top Kek

It's called Hungry-Man because the portions are so small, you are still hungry after you eat them.

My uncle always used to say "you know why it's called offal? Because it's awful!" I always laughed, but hurt on the inside because my honey soy chicken heart skewers are my favorite thing to make. I was kind of happy when he died of cancer, but of course I've never admitted it.

I'm dying of obesity because I eat too much food LOL

>>16404147
I got to have it once at age 11 on vacation in Long Island . Intenselys

The real joke on this Food & Cooking webzine is that food is all turned into literal shit minutes after eating it!

>>16404243
HAHA!

A duck walked into a bar and asked the bartender, "got any grapes?" to which the bartender responded in the negative. The duck then asked what the wine is made of, did a poop on the counter, and flew away.

>>16404271
achieve heterosexual sex. thanks.

>get told to dice onions
>shake onions between hands
>”come on sevens… come on sevens”
>throw them at the table
>”Fuck! Snake eyes!”
>they roll off the table and eventually someone steps on one and dislocates their knee

Better luck next time!

https://youtu.be/TRHWvVBxWCw

>>16404035
What's the fastest animal in the world?
The Ethiopian Chicken

>>16404300

What is Count Chocula's favorite drink?
"Choc"olate milk!

>>16404035
>In speech, I will refer to "Friendly's" as "Fiendly's". It is funny because they sound similar but have very different meanings; i.e., someone who is a fiend is unlikely to be very friendly!
My parents refer to First Union, as
the F. U. Bank, and I refer to
Bank of America as Bank of Fees when traveling.
BK Steakhouse for Burger King.

You gotta come from a nicknaming family to hear all the renamed restaurants.

Next time when you're at Friendlys, cue up mentally the song Grimly Fiendish from The Damned. I hear "I gotta ticket to ride" in my mind when I book a flight. Makes life more interesting to have fun associations like these.

This is a meal fit for a king, because after you finish it, you'll spend all night on the throne.

A Jew walks into a German restaurant and asks if there are any Kosher offerings, to which the server replied "sure, let me fire up the oven."

>>16404288
I hope that person had medical onionssurance

Why do they call it oven when you of in the cold food of out hot eat the food?

>>16404958
>only two hushpuppies
anon i...

Kefir?
I barely know her

>>16404035
what did the hot dog say after winning the race?
>i'm the wiener

I'm no loser, I'm a canned beans (can be)

When I worked as a cashier at a grocery store. People would put their Bran Flakes on the convair belt. And I would say to them. "Bran Flakes?". "More like Bland Flakes!". Never failed to make them smile!.

"My durian has no nose!"

"Then how does your durian smell?"

"Awful!"

Pic related, this is a durian.

British Food.

>>16407985
You nigger.

>>16404119
ok

>>16408054
I think he got his banana, anon.

>>16408049
Three peanuts were walking down the street and one peanut was assaulted peanut.

>>16404035
Jackin my cock
Hard-on’s
Do I get some kind of reward for this

two Jews walk into a bar

So they call it pumpkin, but it bears no family resemblance to pumps. Whew, tough crowd.

>>16404144
first thing i thought of lmao, somebody post the screencap

>>16405174
kek
>t. incapable of sex

>>16404035
Burger King? more like Booger King (because their food tastes like boogers)

>>16404035
we really are an autistic bunch, aren't we? there is great humor and Content on this website but it translates horribly to the normie world. hm.

>>16404043
i unironically say McMuppet instead of mcmuffin, i am yet to be caught

Me and my girlfriend did the classic "McGangbang" prank once, we didnt get the sandwich though and she was pretty dissapointed. Lucky for he later that evening she was raped by a pack of niggers!

>>16404144
>>16409709
somebody help us find it i'm a child

>>16410039
Top zozzle

>>16404035
In Domino's, we pray to Cheesus Crust as our lord and savior.
We also like to haze FNGs. Tell the newfag to get the jalapeno slicer for example is always funny.

>>16411115
I hope you're samefagging, because that's the worst post in this thread.

>go out to restaurant
>receive bill
>tip line:
>"don't piss into the wind, baby"

>>16404035
are all these jokes from a subreddit?

I call Panera Bread "Pantera Bread". Someone laughed at it maybe 10 years ago and I've been saying it ever since.

>>16411449
Subreddit: Noun, a reddit for sub sandwiches.

Ha ha.

>What do alligators eat?
Crocolate eclairs
>Where do chickens turn their hair blond?
Kentucky Dyed Chicken
>What do you get when you cross Dairy Queen with Burger King?
Prince(ss) Dairyburger (xe/xir)
>Why did the bacon groan at the egg?
He told a bad yolk
>What music do bakers listen to?
The Grateful Bread

>>16404170
>454g
>portions are so small

>>16404174
kek

You know what airline has the worst service? Nine eleven airlines. What a horrible name for a company, reminds me of that terrible tragedy in New York.

>>16412228
in all fairness shitty frozen meat like that is half water weight.

>>16404271
2 guys walk into a bar, first one asks for a glass of h20, the 2nd guy asks for an h20 too. second guy died

>>16409673
it was supposed to be an incest joke

Before I start the joke, let's pretend it's 1995 before cellphones were a common thing.

A white guy and black guy are on a roadtrip and their car breaks down by a farm house.

They go to the farm house and knock on the door. A very large, intimidating, muscular man answers the door. The two timidly explain their situation and timidly ask to use his phone to call for a tow-truck. They use his phone and call, but they're told the truck won't make it to them until the morning.

The farmer graciously allows them to sleep in his barn overnight, only on the condition hey not lay a finger on his daughter.
The two quickly agrees to his terms, thankful they won't be spending the night in their cramped car.

As the two lay down on the hay, someone approached them, the daughter of the farmer. She's the hottest, sexiest piece of ass they've ever seen.

She tells the two of them his father is so protective of her, she never had a chance to be with any boys. The two, not able to control themselves tag team the farmer's daughter, and after they've done the dirty, the girl disappears to the farm house.

The next morning the two are awaken by the farmer, towering over them with a sledge hammer.
"I told you two not to lay a finger on my daughter." he says.
The two beg and plead for mercy and the farmer leads them to his farm. He tells the two of them "Go out there and pick 20 of your favorite fruit."
They promptly go out and start picking. The white guy comes back quickly with 20 strawberries. The farmer then says "Now shove all 20 of those strawberries up your ass or I'll bash your brains in with my hammer here."
Knowing the alternative if he fails, he starts painstakingly putting strawberries up his ass. But after getting 5 in, he starts laughing and they all fall out. The farmer was perplexed and told him he'd give him only 2 more tries.
So the white guy tries again. He gets 10 up his ass, but starts laughing again and they all pop out.

>>16413112
Then the third try. He gets 18 up his ass, but laughs again and they all pop out.
The farmer sighs and readies his hammer, but before he does he asks. "Before I bash your head in, tell me... what was so funny?"
The white guy, still in tears from laughing says, "My black friend out there is picking watermelons."

>>16404035
A priest, pedophile, and rapist walk into a bar. He orders a gin and tonic.

>>16413178
lol that's a good one.

>>16413114
classic

An Irishman walks out of a bar