/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>15912666
Take out the tray I want and bring it to my table. Simple as.

>>15912677
Is it legal to be this based?

>>15912666
I cough on the entrees first and sneeze on the sides.
I breathe heavily over the salad bar.
I'm a spit talker btw, ama

Take all the blue
Fuck the yellow

>>15912666
I like to get drunk before going to the buffet. I get very hungry after 6-8 drinks and food just tastes better. Being intoxicated also helps me not think about the germ factor and the "feeding trough" feeling that can set in if you spend too much time observing your surroundings at a buffet

>>15912666
Sneeze on the sneeze guard.

>>15912666
Every plate I stack with a couple lbs of food as a test run and just get what I liked the most the second and third run

One time I went with some simps who tried to make me feel bad for leaving so much food on my test run plate, fucking simps man

>>15912666
At least 2 full plates. 80% protein (meat) with 20% “select” sides

>>15912733
Eww, disgusting. Imagine destroying your body for money. Dumb fat bastard.

>>15912736

>>15912758
If he doesn’t already regret it, he will when he dies of a heart attack at 35.

Obligatory reading anytime a buffet is brought up: http://www.pjwnex.us/media/text/Golden_Corral.txt

Anyways, for my local chinese buffet the first plate is always proteins since they don't immediately fill you up. Beef, crab legs, chicken, etc. Second plate I'll get a second helping of the protein I liked the best, then load up on carbs - rice, noodles, egg rolls. For my final plate I go full carbo-load, pile the noodles up high. I'll be feeling full for the rest of the day.

Go after the general Tsos

>>15912767

>>15912666
Sit down and order an appetizer and drink. Take 2 bites, ask for box. Take the box up to the buffet and load it up. Walk out for a cigarette and don't go back in.

>>15912733
>>15912758
>>15912800
Will somebody post it or do I have to?

>>15912758
>>15912800
>tfw im this fat
>dont know how i got this fat because i dont eat like a retarded pig slob

>>15912666
avoiding them

Can't seem to find the butthole one

The mods have literally blocked this image with the upload failed shit.

>>15912666
Mark of the beast checked.
Steps to success
1. be a fat fuck
2. be american
3. send buffet restaurant out of business
4. sue them when they kick you out for eating all the fish.
https://youtu.be/wupeUPfF7Xg

he posted it

>>15912832
you don't exercise, or you're a lying on 4chan. why would you do that?

>>15912845
>>15912866

>>15912666
Plate 1 -> All meats
Plate 2 -> half and half
Plate 3 ->desert + fiber
Plate 4 -> whatever I didn't get b4

>>15912666
What's a buffet?
t.zoomer

>>15912666
fuck you, satan...there is no reason for buffets to exist.

>>15912797
Poor puss puss.

>>15912940
You pay a fixed price and you can get as much food as you want.

>>15912677
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iAzMRKFX3c

>>15912666
go for the shrimp
target the shrimp dishes
deny your fellow buffeters the shrimp
it's yours for the taking

>>15912666
Buffets are for poor people and asians.
You people are pathetic.

>The reservation I just filed with the agency lists me, my men, Dr. Pavel here but only one of you! First one to talk gets to stay in my booth!

Roasts, gravy, starch, veg x 3
Deep fried, good looking proteins ×2
Desert x3
Miscellaneous plates until full after finished with deserts

>>15912666
follow fat people and scan the whole area first for the best things, avoid bread, grains and dry food, drink water instead of whatever juice they have so you don't feel overstuffed because of the sugar. don't sit near doors or people will always stare at you and your food to see what's good.

>>15912940
I think it's more of an American thing than a non-zoomer thing.
>inb4 hurr durr buffet is French actually

open the door and spin 360 degrees and walk out.

>>15912666
Buffet is just a losing ordeal for me. I don't eat very large meals to begin with. The money could go towards a smaller, but better prepared meal.

>>15913232
Top tip, always do a first run before first plate

>>15913070
Maybe in whatever flyover state you live in.

>>15912666
Go for the first rows and get a variety of carbs so I don't exhaust myself so fast. Then go for protein and pig out on that. I almost never eat dessert because I see it as the conclusion of a meal, and my stomach is a bottomless pit.

Or if I'm feeling especially fat I just chew my food for as long as I can and when nobody's looking I spit it out onto the foam plates and cover it with napkins. Eating disorders are a bitch

>>15912758
Does he know people like Matt Stonie spend a lot of time not eating and working, and you have to work very hard to eat like that without getting sick?

>>15913778
No work, only eat

>>15912811
do not!!!!!

>>15912666
80% meat
20% carb
Only water

>>15913737
Ok chinky.

1 plate of seafood, 1 plate of chinese food, 1 plate of dessert

>>15912719
The dripping snots, I'm sure little kids would like that.

>>15913070
Sometimes it's just for fun and with other people, get a couple things and go, it's not about pigging out and not about the money.

Don't forget the big fat niggers and asians fighting over the crab craws. That's entertainment, worth the price of admission.

>>15912935
>Plate 1 -> All meats
A fellow patrician.

A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

>>15912700
Based Eddie

>>15912666
85% meats
15% carbs
no bread items
no sodas or juices
water only

And I only drink small sips of that water every once in a while. The waitress literally has to refill my cup only 1 time, and that's as I'm nearing the end after pigging out for more than an hour. Once I get to this stage, I eat a couple of small servings of some dessert, and then I chug that 2nd cup of water to cleanse my palate and give me that "stuffed-full" feeling like my stomach is ready to explode.

I estimate I eat ~$50 (and 5k-6k calories) worth of food for just ~$11.

>>15912666
I wish i have the stomach to taste everything. I always choose my favorite food first then end up full.

>>15912666
Bring a giant purse with me that I lined with a garbage bag before coming in. Store as much food as I can in it by slowly filling it with half the content of each plate I get. Once it’s full I will start slipping silverware into my pockets, go into the restroom to wrap it in paper towels so it doesn’t make noise and then leave after getting one last ice cream cone you walk out with

Usually get 3 days of food and have never had to but silverware since.

Why has no one fucking posted it?

>>15914400
I got caught doing this one. Had a backpack filled with hummus. Owners were just so confused and asked me to just not come back.

>>15912666
>first plate
>fill half of plate with crab ragoon
>other have with coconut shrimp
>dont eat yet
>second plate completely packed with "sushi"
>grab bowl of wonton soup
>eat
>third plate filled with grab legs
>eat
>last plate for dessert
>chocolate cake, jello and fruit
Yes I was a fat kid.

>>15912700
wow, was just thinking about this scene today

"thats not chicken, that is, want some?"
that line has been stuck in my head for years

>>15913032
absolutely based anon. I fixate on the shrimp dishes, and if possible, eat only shrimp.
the best part? my stomach doesn't agree with it but I don't fucking care its yummy

>>15912800
I checked out his youtube, he apparently bought a $2.3 million dollar apartment. Is he really that rich from stuffing his face on youtube?

>>15915127
He also have someone stuffing his anus on onlyfans.