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2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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15722808 No.15722808 [Reply] [Original]

What diet could I follow that would prevent me from ever having to wipe my ass? I want to reach a point where my shits are so solid and exit my anus perfectly so I can completely stop purchasing toilet paper.

>> No.15722822

Just drink olive oil with your meals

>> No.15722827

>>15722808
Use a bidet

>> No.15722837

>>15722808
just get a bidet and join the future world, idiot

>> No.15722846

>>15722827
>>15722837
Gross. Bugpeople were a mistake

>> No.15722859

>>15722846
Do you just wipe shit off any other part of your body and call it a day?

>> No.15722866

>>15722808
Take some coarse fiber, about 5 grams a day. Make sure its not the saw dust shit or you'll be in a lot of pain.

>> No.15722872
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15722872

>>15722808
I am found if I hold my poop in after prarie dogging a little it almost dries out a little like when it comes out for air. I'm not sure why if like it stays stickier/wetter/browner when it is inside my intestines and the poop schute is the drying chamber or what but like when I have to poop I just start exercising or something and it goes back in and I don't have to poop until later basically you train your brain with your rectum and then release the kraken at the time you wish to.

Cheese helps hold it in in particular mozzerella.

Definitely do not eat veggies in particular greens they are full of nutrishuss fibers

>> No.15723263

>>15722859
found Jordan Schlansky

>> No.15723275

>>15722822
Wouldn't it work better if OP just squirted a cup of olive oil up his ass every time he went to take a shit?

>> No.15723319

>>15722808
Cheese

>> No.15723536

>>15722827
>>15722837
I don't want to have water shot in my butthole

>> No.15723776

cyanide and arsenic

>> No.15723787

>>15722859
Are any other parts of your body recessed behind buttcheeks and encased in an extra layer of cloth to make sure absolutely nothing touches it? Toilet paper is perfectly sufficient from a hygienic pov.

>> No.15723799

>>15723787
>cheeks are involved so it doesn't count
Imagine being this retarded.

>> No.15723800

>>15723536
Then just buy toiler paper you animalistic subhuman, even if your shit came out without staining your diabetic ass you would still smell like shit, no stain=/=no smell

>> No.15723805

>>15722808
take a shower after you poop it cleans it right out

>> No.15723872

>>15723799
>Not bleaching your butthole is unsanitary
You are the retard. And probably the same kind of neurotic faggot who thinks he needs to surface disinfect his kitchen.

>> No.15723893

>>15722808
Vegan diet. Not even meming when I ate a plant based diet so many shits required zero wiping.

>> No.15723945
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15723945

High af in fiber, i guess. I have had surprisingly small and hard stool when i decided to try out the FUCKING RAAAAW diet.

>> No.15724084

>>15722808
use a bidet dipshit. why would you pay to go to the bathroom

>> No.15724466

Eat only processed meat for 15 years. Have ass cancer. Shit in a bag through your hip for the rest of your life.

>> No.15724567

>>15723805
imagine the smell

>> No.15724586

>>15722872
dafuq

>> No.15724923
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15724923

>>15722808
Honestly, how fat are you OP?

>> No.15724975

>>15723263
HUMAN SOIL

>> No.15725027

>>15724923
I am 168lbs

>> No.15725144
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15725144

>>15722808
You're welcome.