/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>12831450
Its small talk

Just say gotta go home you know? Right? Aaah fuckin busy day. Gotta go home.

>>12831450
They do that to me at Eataly, it always throws me off. Like, I know it’s just their policy to make conversation like the Greenpeace chick complimenting my hair or my shoes or whatever before hitting me up for money, but it’s a bit too personal. What would they do if I said “watching Korean dramas on Netflix while fondling myself and drinking beer”

>>12831450
>Martin luther king and University

I graduated from berkeley 4 years ago

>>12831450
"i'm going to go home and BEAT my DICK until i CUM"

>>12831450
>later today? why I’m going to shitpost on /ck/ about this interaction we’re having right now!

>>12831470
Netflix has a horrible selection of korean dramas there's much better websites, idiot.

>>12831509
Ok I’m sure you’re dying to tell me which are your favorites and why but honestly IDGAF, it’s just garbage to put me to sleep and take my mind off work

Does this sort of artificial small talk really make anybody feel welcome or happy to come back?

>Ah yes our trader joes boxed mac and cheese. Fine choice my man. I too enjoy a box of mac with a nice cabernet.

>>12831513
have sex or at least jack off into your crusty cum rag, ok?

>>12831562
trader joe's employees are the only people who are nice to me

>>12831470
Some young wagies learn a warped sense of boundaries because of those "policies." I don't consider myself autistic but some people are just overly friendly in an unsettling way.

>>12831562
my gf used to go to trader joe's to buy mac and cheese and wine every friday night when we lived in different cities, we'd facetime and she just went to the self checkout

>>12831577
I normally use Charmin brand toilet paper

Also I had no idea anyone felt this strongly about Korean dramas, is this the new anime?

>>12831601
Yes korean and japanese media dominate incels minds

>>12831450
"I'm going from one Trader Joe's location to another, looking for a cute female cashier who likes rough sex and being treated like a whore"

>>12831608
Good to know, I'll make sure not to let anyone know I watch this shit IRL. I just thought it was a fun break from the telenovelas I was watching to practice my Spanish.

>>12831450
>y...yo...you too

>clerk misgenders you

>>12831450
glibly reply with dunno, what you got in mind?

>>12831450
I personally don't like it when clerks start a conversation on their own. Just ring the stuff up and skip the niceties.

>>12831450
I'm living in Japan where everybody is autistic and basic human interactions outside of the pre-existing scripted ones people are brainwashed their whole lives to use are pretty much impossible to have. If I asked a clerk how they were doing they would short circuit.

What I am saying is this kind of dumb small talk sounds pretty good from my perspective right now.

>>12831450
rape.

>>12831581
I'll be nice to you anon

>>12831925
don't listen to him
he's just after your boi pussy

>>12831925
This is a trick to see my feet. Fuck off footfag

“Getting drunk and smoking with my friends in my garage. You in?”

>>12831933
Not him but if you let me hit it we can cuddle after

>>12831450
>make food and get fucked up
This is always an acceptable answer

>>12831584
hey buddy

can I eat your shit

what's your problem guy

>>12831879
Yeah theres no such thing as small talk in japan. Unless you have a real reason. I had some good chats just by asking for directions.

>>12831450
Tell them you'll be masturbating to this conversation and take a picture of them.

>>12831502
unexpectedly based

>>12831450
Drop out of school, OP.
Become a street punk, begging for change.
You'll make more than you would finishing your shitty Berkeley degree.
Buy the ticket. Take the ride.

>just chillin

>>12831450
Lmao that’s my local Trader Joe’s in Berkeley ca

>>12831450
Is she also rubbing my thigh?

>>12831450
>Clerk asks for my phone number
>Grab the chain pen for old people writing checks and scribble it on the back of a taco bell reciept in my pocket
>She enters it the computer and tells me I had a savings of $3.65 before crumpling it up and throwing it in the trash

>clerk recognizes me or treats me with any kind of familiarity
>can't visit that store for at least a year so it can stop

>>12831450

not gonna lie i sometimes think about quitting my job and working at trader joes, there's so many qt girls there, both the staff and customers. i wonder if they have weekend afterhours orgies in the dry good sections.

>>12831450
son of a gun, you posted my hometown Trader Joe's in Berkeley.

>>12831502
Too based to handle

>>12833449
Heh... that's gotta sting bro

>>12831450
I just answer honestly and say I'm going to purchase company of an attractive gentleman for the night and have gay sex with him.

>>12831477
>>12831502
The Duality of Man

>>12831450
>clerk asks what you're doing later today
Reply "you, I'm doing you".

it's what you get for going to that cult. I don't trust anyone that shops or works there. you shouldn't either.

>>12835325
Just got a Trader Joe's in my town not too long ago, haven't been yet, are they really this cultish? Sounds kinda creepy.

>>12835330
No, it's full of regular every day faggots looking for microwavable frozen dinners that don't taste like shit. Half the shit in there is frozen food that tastes as good as most junk food carry out.

>>12831470
Fuck, some lady did that to me at Eataly too. I haven't gone back since

>>12831502
audibly kek'd

>>12835526
Thanks for the heads up, sounds like I haven't missed out on anything worthwhile.

>>12831992
damn skippy

>>12831450
I'm going to cook up some of this here food in preparation for the release of WoW Classic of course.

>>12831450
>just getting a kebab after feeling bad for feeling overweight during news eve when I was buying clothes for a party
>have a sad look on my face
>kebabman: "hey friendo, looking down, having problem?"
>anon: "uuh, yeah... haha... life I guess....."
>kebabmudslime: "is it girlfriend?"
>anon: "uuuuuuh yeah... haha we having problems"
>kebabbro: "yeah friend I understand me girl giving me trouble in my country"
>anon: "yeah, I hear ya"
>kebabdoullah: "is your girl from your country, friend? you lucky just be nice to her"
>anon: "okay..."

I've never felt more like a fucking wojak caricature than this fucking day, I had to make up a girlfriend just to try and impress a stranger that would forget about me in a day.

>enjoy your meal sir
>you too
LOCK ME UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEY

>>12835877
>you too
Why would you say this? Are you autistic?

>>12833449
Made me chuckle real good

>>12831450
I'm downloading porn at 10 kbps

>>12835908
my slow-witted brain thought she was going to say something else

>>12835711
they have a good spanish olive oil. and a decent cheese section. cheapish booze. that's the only shit I get there

>>12835642
They must be reading 4chan because today they didn't ask me anything, I barely even got a "hello" out of them. I had mentally rehearsed my response all day and I was going to tell them all about the latest Korean Drama episodes and how tonight I am drinking wine instead of beer because it goes better with my dinner.

>>12831450
Clerks at my local grocery store tried this "small talk" scam with me a few times
>"what are you planning to do today?"
>"oh, you don't really want to know"
>"no, I really do!"
>"trust me, you really don't"

>"hey it's you again, what are you planning?"
>"I'm planning on covering myself with vaseline and jerking off in the shower while crying"

>"oh look it's the oddball! what's up?"
>"I was just looking up minimum sentences for various violent crimes"

they finally got the hint
I'm not trying to be cute or quirky
I just don't want to talk to these assholes, at all
they won't even look me in the eyes these days
mission success

This is far worse than an /alc/ thread in terms of self abasement.

>go to chikfila drive thru with mom
>they are supposed to make smalltalk
>mom thinks they are flirting with me

she always thinks women are flirting with me. "she was leaning out the window"

>>12836474
Anon larps his head brewed fantasy

>>12835783
Op here, this is what I told her. She said "oh my boyfriend's playing too. He got in trouble for buying gold once."

>>12836574
She's trying to get you interested in women instead of anime traps so you can get the fuck out of her house

>>12836581
What's so "fantastic" about what I posted? Just keep saying awkward and uncomfortable stuff to employees and eventually they stop talking to you. It's not rocket science.

>>12831450
>waiter walks by to ask how your food is as you're putting it in your mouth
Great, fuck off and leave me alone, if there's a problem I'll let you know.
I'm not even mad at them for checking on us because that's their job, and 90% of the people they deal with want to be bothered constantly otherwise it's not "good service" but I fucking despise being interrupted when my mouth is full of food

>>12831450
I'm going to go make some miso glazed salmon I started marinating this morning. Broccoli... coconut rice. Should be nice... anyways...Kay thx bye!

>what are you doing later today?
>hanging out with you, baby girl

>>12836474
>Acting like a sperglord instead of politely declining interaction like an adult

Good job, retard. You are no longer spoken to, but you are spoken about.

>>12836614
The worst is they start takeing a step away expectantly with my mouth full like all is good as usual. More impersonal than it already is.

>>12831929
I had a dream last night that my coworker raped me in the ass. He was wearing a red condom and was really cuddly with me afterwards and I tried to fight him but my punches didnt affect him at all, like I was hitting him with feathers or something. What did my dream mean by this? I even felt a resetlntment towards him today because of this dream

>>12833466
same but with target. so many milfs

>>12836774
All job related small talk is impersonal, which is why it always fundamentally pisses me off. It’s literally just a scripted/rehearsed line they use to make a silent moment not awkward because the concept of having a transaction occur without some unnecessary noise filling the void, is foreign to people who hate themselves so much they need to pointless social interaction to feel good about themselves.
Let conversation occur naturally, it’s a lot more rewarding and genuine for both sides involved

>>12833449
>debit card isnt working
>go to branch to get a new one
>teller asks for ID
>give to him
>anon this ID expired 2 weeks ago I cant use it
>asks me security questions
>what was your first pets name?
>first pet when I was a kid or first pet when I was an adult?
>I dunno man, the security question isnt that specific
>mitzie
>no that's wrong
>FUCK
>I also have a business account card in the same name as my debit, would that help?
>yea
>pin matches
>ok, so approx how much do you have in your personal chequing account? (For security question, I think...)
>uh like $900
>uh anon you're chequing account has $220
>He says it so loud everyone in line hears it
>that's embarrassing
Why couldn't he ask me how much is in my business account? I have like $54 grand in there!

>>12835865
This made me feel a lot better about myself. I mean this with sincerity, thank you anon for making me feel better at your own expense. I hope you get better.

>Wow, that's a lot of beer! You having a party later?

>>12836474
I don't know if you're just saying this as a joke but 3 years ago the winter lasted like 6 weeks longer than usual here. I was sitting in the town square as the snow was finally starting to melt. The local news station was going around and doing interviews with people sitting on the picnic tables and shit. This young hot chick was the "reporter". She came up to me and asked if I wanted to be on TV. I said "no" and she kept pushing it and eventually told the camera man to "roll".

>so the snow is melting, finally. Tee hee. How does it make you feel"?
>nervous
>why does it make you nervous?
>they're probably gunna find the bodies....
She stopped talking to me and harassed some young family who were otherwise having a good time. They didn't air my segment. I've never killed anyone, rcmp, I was just fucking with some young hot chick who wouldn't take "no" for an answer.

>>12836846
>take all of my bottles back for deposit refund
>literally $200 worth of returns
>huge line for returns
>lady behind me says "oh, did you collect all of these for the charity, too?"
>of course, ha ha
>I'm not an alcohol
I lied, lads. They were all mine. All of them

>>12831450
stfu cunt ill come back and rape u if u talk to me again

>>12833449
if that happened to me, i would of pulled out my knife and fucking charged her

some roasties just dont get it do they?

>>12831450
>probably gonna try to stretch my foreskin to rectify my phimosis

>>12837096
Get your shit together, drunky

>>12837147
This was like 5 years ago. I've been relatively sober since. Just an occasional drinker since then.

>>12837121
>would of
You trying to piss me off fella?

>start sperging out over small talk
>the cashier starts sperging out too
>start asking them to hand me back cash and i'll give them different notes
>they get very confused
>continue asking them about their day while they're trying to do math and remember money
>short change them $10

>>12831450
>cashier asks me what the weather is like outside

Kinda sad when you think about it.

I eat a bag of their pork gyozas per week.

>>12836607
Lmao too little to late his mom has a new pet now

do americans really?

>>12833455
>buy my booze at the same supermarket all the time
>think im ok because always mix it up with the checkouts
>one time in self service scanning my booze
>has to be authorised
>woman says "oh no need to show me ID i've seen you in here loads of times before :^)"
>never go there again

>>12831450
>I'm eating this unhealthy meal that I'm buying, clearly enough food for exactly one fat man to eat alone, and I'm drinking all this alcohol. Then I'm coming back here tomorrow for the same again

>>12835865
What kind of kebob did ya get?

>>12836780
Tell your manager that your coworker is harassing you in your dreams via subliminal infetterance

>>12831562
When it's genuine it really does. Americans wouldn't know, but it feels incredibly nice. Even the paki guy at the local kiosk chats me up when I come by. I mostly shop at small stores tho.

>>12836816
Clerk was just being a cunt, I had a similar issue but my ID was out by over 2 months, they just laughed & told me to make sure I got a new one then continued the transaction.

>>12838793
Oh wow we don't have small stores in America you're so interesting

>>12837347
Based as fuck

>>12831450
>Go to local market at around 9pm this last winter
>Live in a very rural mountain town with crazy roads, literally 16 miles from my house to the store each way
>Walk up to meat counter & ask for 10 pounds of chicken breast
>Meat clerk asks me if it's foggy out cause he's scared to drive in heavy fog
>Tell him it's bizarrely clear on the roads
>He gets all happy about it & tells me he's been stressing out all night
>The roads are actually the fucking foggiest they've been in over a decade
Get fucked you annoying old meat faggot

>>12833449
Ayyyyyyy lmao

>>12838797
Thanks Anon, much appreciated

>>12831450
Hey that looks like the Berkeley Trader Joes! And look at all these Berkbros on /ck/:
>>12831475
Based!
>>12833348
Even more based!
>>12833522
Holy mother of based!

>>12833348
fuck that one too many Berkeley homeless. rock ridge Trader Joe’s is where the true chads shop

>>12838793
What does you confusing forced chit chat with organic conversation have anything to do with americans

>>12841494
Europeans are OBSESSED as always

>>12841430
OP here, I agree but thought the Berkeley one is more recognizable in a screenshot. Also the Lake Merritt one is shit considering how much money is in the neighborhood

>>12841430
> not berkeley bowl
enjoy your overpriced produce

>>12841749
enjoy waiting in line for 90 minutes you dumb cunt

>>12841764
ah, you must be in a hurry to heat up your frozen dinners

>>12831502
Kek

berkeley bowl has some pretty kino prepared japanese lunches from b-dama in okaland

but the line is too long for me to get lunch during my break.

i kms

>>12835865
Plot twist he doesn't have a gf back home he just want to sound like he understand you.

He is lonely too

>>12841837