/ck/ - Food & Cooking

I can decide how many calories my body actually processes from food, as well as nutrients.

I have a box that will produce the dish of my choice on command.

Companies will consult me directly for what new flavors they should pursue for their products.

>>12079382
damn, those are good. mine weren't really cooking related.

>>12079380
op here have a ketchup that never goes empty

my hands and face never become greasy from food

Fast food and restaruants are free for me

>>12079380
>Chick-fil-A starts opening on Sundays (after church hours)
>Soylent is found to cause irreversible brain damage and anyone that has had even one will slowly become a literal retard in the next two years
>Free Five Guys for life

>>12079384
Post anyways

>>12079390
end world hunger. end shady sweatshop conditions (at least in food related areas.) make seawater drinkable.

>>12079393
You are too pure for this site anon.

>>12079393
gay

I have an unlimited supply of senzu beans
I find the most god tier mexican beans recipe
I have a farm full of young, hot and eternally sexually frustrated hucows to provide me with milkies

Yeah I think we're done here

i wish for a microwave that grants wishes that arent cooking related

1. I never burn or undercook food, it always comes out perfectly done.
2. After tasting something once, I can replicate its taste/texture/appearance perfectly at home.
3. Food takes significantly longer to go bad.

1. Everyone
2. Goes
3. Vegan

:)

>>12079400
YOU THINK I DIDN'T THINK OF THAT?YOU GET A MICROWAVE THAT MAKES EVERYTHING INTO SHIT.ANY MICROWAVE YOU GET TURNS THINGS TO SHIT.YOU GET NOTHING.

>>12079405
big kek

>>12079410
>>12079405
cringe

>>12079405
>>12079412
>>12079400

>>12079395
>>12079396
thanks

Milky bars and sausages

Just give me a Star Trek replicator, but not the annoying talking kind on Disco that says cringey shit

>>12079380
>I can conjure up fresh ingredients out of thin air
>I can cook every single dish perfectly every single time
>There will zero cleanup / hassle after each cooking session
I'm a simple man.

>>12079380
1. Give me a Star Trek/The Orville style replicator.
2. Make my body expel all energy and nutrients over and above what’s needed to maintain me at 6-8% body fat.
3. Make my organs 100% immune to alcohol damage.

http://www.shadbase.com/comic_folder/2019-03-23-genie.jpg

>>12079380
Wow I don't like nendo aesthetics but that looks very good

>>12079388
cringe and bluepilled

1. Become the greatest cook in the world
2. Have a box that produces any dish I desire
3. Become impervious to detrimental effects of eating/drinking(includes alcohol, fat, carbs whatever)

>>12079472
why do 1 & 2? you only need one of those.

I wish to be able to eat ,digest and shit everything without harm

1.able to cook anything into delicious safe to eat food
2.don't have to eat or drink yet can do anything without getting tired
3.able to locate treasure

>>12079380
>No matter what I eat I never put on more than 10% bodyfat.
>When I go out to eat the restaurant is never empty and never full. It is always about 1/2 full.
>Food doesn't go off at all in my house

>>12079380
A packet of Tim Tams that never runs out.

>>12079380
Veganism disappeared forever
All current vegans die in their sleep tonight
Halal slaughter of all animals is mandated by law

>>12080022
On second thought I want to steal your wishes instead.

>>12079380
Whatever I put on the pan it will come out perfectly
Unlimited amount of meet and produce
Never gain weight

>>12079382
Great wishes

A bigger kitchen instead of the kitchenette I have now

Someone with whom to share the cooking. Maybe I should look for a cooking club or something.

Full selection of meats at my butcher's and at reasonable prices.

>>12080068
>wish to pay reasonable prices
That has to be the most timid wish I have ever seen.

>>12080071
If you gave me unlimited anything I would tank the economy.

>>12080022
>>12079448
>>12079382

...You know, you don't have to waste an entire fucking wish on getting /fit/. That shit's, like, mundane. 1 year of lifting already puts you above 90% of American males, it'd be like wasting a wish on a sports car when you can just wish for a billion bucks and make the sports car redundant. You guys are thinking too small; check this shit out.

1. I wish for the ability to bless wine, Jesus style, that de-ages, treats, cures, and revives anything and everything I can think of. Bad back? Gone. Failing eyesight? Not anymore. Dead? Let all ye gentle sinners arise. Etc, etc.

2. The ability to magically produce any amount of raw ingredient immediately, at no cost to the world or to me.

3. I can influence and control people who've eaten my food

Now here's where it gets badass. I go public with my wine abilities. I'm not strictly pro-humanitarian, in fact, I sell my powers to the US government for a very hefty sum, and for increasingly unfair legal benefits. Bankers, lawyers, government officials, they all come to me for a glass of blessed wine. I also do humanitarian shit too because I'm not a dick, but you know, I also make a lot of money and power on the side; gotta look out for numero uno too.

After I have a large house by the beach, I use my government connections to host wild beach parties, open to the public, where I barbecue all these meats, with fruits and veggies and shit, music blasting, people dancing-- it'll be great.

When everyone's eaten and drank and had a good time, they'll unwittingly be under my control, which I use for both good, and for selfish purposes, but mostly good.

I continue this trend all over the world, and let my brother take part in my racket, giving him a vial of wine that should revive me should I be assassinated, and a vial for him, should he be assassinated. Eventually I'll try to run my own country eternally young, alongside my family.

>>12079380
I wish for an enchanted microwave that can add magic effects to food and whoever consumes said food

I wish I could cook anything I wanted flawlessly

and I wish I had one of these for a basically infinite source of fruit and happiness

I have these 3 humle wishes: Food that will give me immortality and be a ruler of the entire universe and grant me infinite wishes.

>>12079380
Can one of my wishes be not having to shit anymore

>>12079380
1. Monsanto to go under causing the economic and agricultural collapse of the US
2. Livestock animals to go rancid the moment they die and animal products to go sour before packaging leading Americans to consume wild game.
(By this wish, all restaurants in America close indefinitely until a solution is found. Everyone stops eating so much fast food. Some riots break out because fatasses can't get their tendies but die off quickly as they drop dead from coronaries.)
3. The negative effects of cannibalism be nullified.

Enjoy your nightmare world, /ck/. This is what happens when you give wishes to the mentally retarded.

>>12080324
Based retard

>>12079380
my fridge/freezer restocks the moment I open it up again from the last time

I wake up each morning with a rebalanced palette

I have the skill and knowledge of 100 world reknown chefs.

>>12079380
>Vegans leave
>Reddit leaves
>/ck/ gets deleted
That's my 3 wishes

>>12080407
>palette
Kek
Retard

>>12079405
some all powerful genie. i bet he cant even get me free arby's for life.

>>12079380
Can consume food and reap its effects by thinking about eating it
Undying high metabolism
Can use saltwater for drinking and for the environment so that there's no more water shortage crisis

>>12079380
1. Magic pot that endlessly refills itself with whatever food I put inside it.
2. A large clear doored refrigerator that draws no power
3. Plates and dishes that clean themselves after you’re done cooking and eating.

>>12080440
Thank you Mr. Skeletal

I wish anything I ate gave me a proper load of nutrients that would guarantee me an extremely long and prosperous life, even to the point of reversing eye damage, nerve damage, heart damage, and all that jazz.

I wish I could produce food out of thin air at my convenience.

Third wish would be for the genie.

I wish raisins didn't look like chocolate chips when baked

>>12079380
1.) No more fast food threads on /ck/
2.) I am the most skilled chef on earth currently
3.) I can prepare a dish from common ingrediants that provides immortality

I get free food forever, no limit except my own choice

I don't need to eat or drink and only do it when I want to

My digestion always produces the most satisfying shit

>>12080434
Excuse me? You lookin at me? Did you rub my lamp? Did you wake me up? Did you bring me here? And all of a sudden you think I can't get you free Arby's? I don't think so! Not right now! YOU'RE GETTIN' YOUR ARBY'S, SO SIT DOWN.

>>12080487
>/ck/ or 4chan gets deleted as a whole
>everyone just gets dumbed down to below whatever level you are
>it requires a million pounds of each of the most ingredients

>>12080324
Based. I've always wondered what human tasted like. The only viable option for dairy now would be human breastmilk, r-right? Haha...Oh, jeeze, that's too bad, I guess now we'll have to round up all the biggest honkers in my area, wow, what a terrible consequence! I hate having to do this!

>>12080530
most common**

>>12079380
1 I can summon the ghosts of dead chefs to cook for me
2 I can imagine ingredients into existence
3 I can give food magical properties such as anyone who eats this brownie falls in love with me or eating this banana gives me super strength for a while or these olives have healing properties

>>12079380
>Eat as much of whatever I want without deviating away from my ideal weight
>Always have a free variety of fun and worthwhile cooking classes I can attend with a guest of my choice
>A fridge with every ingredient imaginable, like the one the diner has in Eureka

>taco bell brings back the volcano menu and lava sauce but only I can buy it
>that pizza place I liked reopens and does well this time
>the power to make girls eat too much
i'd follow some bitch who was mean to me around and make her gain weight

>>12080160
They are thinking small? Dude open your eyes...
I wish for:

1. 2 billion more wishes

2. Dont care, genie, keep em or toss em.

3. See above.

>>12079382
These except I replace the 3rd one with all food allergies cease to exist.

>>12080678
There is such a thing as thinking too big, anon! You're mad! You've gone completely insane!

i wish people would comment on my yelp reviews

>>12079380
Sex, sex and sex

>>12079382
Quality wishes.

>>12080678
That's not a food related wish. You'd have to wish to get a new wish every time you finish a meal or something like that.

>>12079380
I want a magic portal to a Japanese food market
I want a magic portal to a Spanish food market
I want a magic portal to an American mall.

>>12079447
I like you.

I want the cooking stand from jojo part 4

I want all instant pots in the world to suddenly explode with the force of a hand grenade

I want instant seating at any restaurant, forever.

All kosher foods are banned outside of the middle east
All halal foods are banned outside of the middle east
I have the cooking skills of a world class chef

>>12079380
I wish to never have a gag reflex with certain food I actually need
I wish I wasn't such a picky eater
I wish I could stand the texture of foods I need

>>12079380
I wish I was dead
I wish OP wasn't such a massive fag
I wish my knife skills were better

>>12080446
Wouldn't that pot just eternally be the first thing you put in it since it would continually just refill itself

>>12081926
>deciding what to put in the pot
>a fly buzzes in
>APOCALYPSE

I wish I had people to eat my food with

1. Everyone has access to enough food to never starve
2. No food allergies
3.The knowlege/ability of how to make any food that has ever existed

>>12081860
>never have a gag reflex

>>12082178
nice #3, dude.

I guess I could wish for things like zero calories and no food poisoning, but that just seems like I'm overthinking the wish. I really only have one wish.

I wish that every employer I ever work for beginning now and into the future, serves me free, quality food. Three meals a day -- take it or leave it. Most days I only eat dinner, but sometimes I like breakfast and/or lunch.

When I was between jobs I got some temp work with a company that fed its employees so I had a chance to eat with them. It was practical and economical -- it really opened my eyes. It was simple things like eggs and potatoes for breakfast, rice and beans for lunch, soup and bread for dinner. The line moved fast, the portions were huge, and the meals were planned with cost and efficiency in mind. But everybody ate and it kept your mind off food and your stomach.

>>12082180
Says the choking hazard to children under three

>>12079380
New pans
New knives
New gas stove

>>12082289
shouldn't you be practicing your deep throating skills?

>>12081932

Just protein bro

>>12082308
I've been banned for biting.

If you call it a sausage, I'm going to get confused!

1. I’m the new mayor of Flavor Town.
2. No recounting the votes.
3. I’m universally loved by Flavor Town residents.

>>12079393
>Population explodes
>Prices skyrocket
>Oceans dried up
>Everybody starves and dies of thirst
Good one, asshole.

>>12082454
Do you even know how much water gets recycled?

>>12082489
*blocks your path*

>>12079447
>make nice with local vendors
>git gud
>hire Mexicans

Am I a genie?

>have a humidity and temp controlled room that can fast forward time for my fermentation projects
>magical greenhouse that is completely full of whatever produce I think of by the next morning
>200 acre farm in Tennessee with a stocks of varying animals, all healthy and happy, that replenishes every month.

>>12082454
even with readily available food and water, population growth would eventually hit a ceiling. Also, do you not understand how massive the ocean is?

>>12079380
My fridge and pantry are constantly stocked with the best and freshest ingredients possible for free
Get the best cooking ware (including knives) for free whenever I want it
And have a cooking skill that rivals the best chefs on Earth

I've only one wish: all the industrially made foods I either liked or never got the chance to try which are, for one reason or another, no longer available to me will now be available. That's it.
Pepsi Kona? Yes, please.
Ho Mei pickled mustards? Absolutely.
Knorr mushroom and river weed flavour granules.
Yup.

>>12079380
Microwaves are banned
Fast food dies
Families spend time coming up with a weekly menu

>>12079380

1. See >>12079382
>I can decide how many calories my body actually processes from food, as well as nutrients.
Fucking brilliant

2. Any food that I make is ready for use/consumption instantly without the possibility of overcooking/spoiling. Dough rises perfectly in an instant- and is baked the moment I put it in the oven. Wines/beers ferment to perfection as soon as their ingredients are put in a carboy. Marinades/cures are instantaneous. Etc.

3. I have the power to think of a person I want dead and they will die the next time they eat their favorite food- without the possibility of this being triggered accidentally.

>sous vide foods will give you mouth and stomach cancer the second it touches your mouth
>foods that trigger genetically weak people(coriander, broccoli, milk, etc) are now deadly toxic
>plants can be hybridized with different species/plant groups to yield unique fruits

>>12083227
Productive time is lost to menial tasks, the economy collapses.

>>12079380
I wish for the ability to make magical food that grants you a wish upon eating it. You can keep the other two wishes.

>>12079380
Fuck off we already have someone for food wishes

>>12079382
Damn, this, but instead of a box it's any fridge I open.

>>12079380
1. free groceries for life from whatever store i want.
2. I will always have the time and energy to cook the meals i want
3. Everyone on /ck/ dies, except me, and the 'get dickered with fat kitters' guy. And his kitter.

>>12084547
>3
But you’ve killed them, you fool!

>>12082260
I hate cooking and shopping. I tried those meal kits for awhile which ended the need for shopping, but I still had to cook and clean. I miss going to school and eating at the cafeteria.

My wish (unrelated to the thread) is to be a kid again and to keep all my current memories. I could correct all the mistakes I made and enjoy my childhood again (but better this time).

1. Hello
2. This is Chef John
3. From food wishes

All big agri chemical companies, grains and processed sugar. Anybody trying to do anything of the things above automatically die by shitting out their intestines and bleeding from their eyes and ears.

1. hordes of beautiful women line up to blow me while I'm cooking and eating.
2. All Jews and orientals die of food poisoning today.
3. A giant falcon that I can ride to work on.

>>12079393
aka destroy the world economy

1.free grocerys for life
2.perfect food knowledge(can cook anything and even make new recipes)
3. Genie, I wish for your freedom.

>>12085542
already been commented. come up with something original.

>>12079380
An unlimited supply pantry, fridge and freezer with whatever high quality and fresh supplies I happen to be looking for.

>the ability to make anyone's atoms pop like kernels and into popcorn
>make water sharp
>IHOP sells beer

1) immunity to all toxins, poisons, molds, rot, etc.
2) Ability to consciously regulate my caloric intake, regardless of food consumed.
3) Ability to make any enclosed box/case/fridge/etc have whatever ingredients or foods I need to make anything I want.

No delivery fees, worldwide
Extinct game/meat exists, for sale as is but not alive
>~~Liquors and vegetables taste good~~
Uhhh.... cows can't fart.

>>12079380
>free groceries for life
>free fast food gor life
>free restaurants for life

Much like separation of church and state, no one involved in a food related industry or was related in the past will ever be allowed to govern or help govern food or anything food related.

I have the ability to travel to any market I wish instantaneously.

There are no funds, transactions, trades, or other exchanges required during the acquisition of anything I designate food.

>>12079380
i use all 3 wishes for year worth of baklava

One year of free chicken nuggets
Be able to boil water just pointing at it
Have world population sing my name every time they drink some water.

>>12081934

I want a spatula that can always get under shit and is never too thick or thin to do what I need it too

Give me an eternally greased pan

And a 12 inch tongue for tasting purposes

>>12079382
Ask me how I know you're obese

>>12089059
How do you know I’m obese?

>>12082654
>do you not understand how massive the ocean is

>>12079380
So many people in this thread are thinking way too big
>A pan that never ever sticks
>All pizza places have anchovies
>A keto pasta alternative that isn't terrible
>>12079382
>>12079447
>>12079448
>>12079472
>>12079549
>>12080446
you clearly don't like challenge in you life do you?
>>12079387
>ketchup
literal child
>>12079393
those first too are far too multilayered and complex for a single wish
>>12079433
no ketamine?

>All women who see me develop the desire to cook for me and never get tired of it.

>Halal food is banned in the current EU countries and all halal slaughterers and distributors are thrown out

>Systembolaget is dissolved and selling alcoholic beverages you made yourself is now legal

>>12089174
>a pan that never sticks
My nigger

>>12079382
i would switch third wish for never to suffer from diabetes or cholesterol or any food poisoning