/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>11033429
Now we're 'varkin!

Too hot for me desu~

>>11033483
Fag.

>>11033429
Die shill faggot

>>11033429
Some post the vark pasta

Gimme gimme varky cummies
Be they spicy or very nummies.
Spend my hard-earned good-hubby points,
on hipster Portland hot sauce joints.
Wifey's bull lifts me to the car,
To find me varkies near and far.
Enjoy my tasty varky treats,
in comfy Prius heated seats.
Drunk Jerk, Black Bean, Mayo, Hab,
But of my varkies none I have.

She always makes me prep our bull,
But prepping doesn't make me full.
Varkies are the only food,
That puts me in the fapping mood.
I'll dream and doubt but make no fuss,
I'll wish, I'll want, but I won't cuss!
Varkies are my heart's desire,
Fueled by burning, hungry fire.
Wifey cums and wails real hard,
But Tyrone's cum isn't 'vark nor Aard'.

My good-hubby points were fairly earned,
To buy the varkies that I've yearned.
But there's no varkies on my plate!
Did wifey think that I'd just ate?
"VARKIES, VARKIES I NEED THEM NOW,
IT IS VARKIES I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT!"
I cry while looking into her eyes,
While Tyrone hits me to no surprise.
For he who is un-varked is he who understands:
Never forget to shine his new Air Jordans

>>11035051
You talkin' about varkin' bro? Its all about soakin' up some rays, chattin' up some hotties, and saucin' like a boss. I remember this one time we went camping, or vampin' as we call it now, and I busted out a bottle. The chicks couldn't get the sauce fast enough. They still call me "The V Man" to this day. Anyways its really more than a sauce, its a lifestyle.

>>11033429
That's why there haven't been any Vark threads lately. It's been out of stock

>>11033429
YASSS! My hot sauce collection grows...

>>11033429
Sweet! A fellow 'varkbro!

>>11035124
Why don't people just make they're own?

>>11035147
>why don't you just make your own?
This is one of the most common criticisms of 'vark sauce and quite frankly it's patently unfounded.
Why don't I just make my own?
Because Secret Aardvark Trading Company only use locally sourced ingredients, and to be entirely honest that's the way Scott would have wanted it to be.
The crux of this issue is that the water in Portland has a very, very unique chemical composition. This is largely due to the abnormally high amounts of estrogen added to their water treatment systems, both purposefully added by the city and inadvertently added through the waste water treatment systems' lack of complete distillation and filtration. To put this into perspective Progesterone and other antiandrogen pharmaceuticals are the best selling drugs on the market in Portland. Over 70% of Portland's population, both male, female and other, ingest and secrete these chemicals into the water supply leading to the iconic flavor profile of all Secret Aardvark Trading Company's hot sauces.
This effects the taste of all food in Portland, and that's a good thing, but it also makes Secret Aardvark Habanero Sauce virtually impossible to replicate outside of Portland. One cannot in fact "just make their own".

>>11035193
Couldn't have said it better myself. Based 'varkbro

>DAYT FEEWLLL WEN I SHILL 'VARK IN EVERY THREAD
>DATYY FEEWWWLLL WEN I SHIT ON V-V-V-V-V-V-ARK IN VARK THREDS
and none of you cowards can stop me! ;)

>>11035269
You're just a varker in training... its cool bro.

Is shit shit honestly good? or is it just a meme?

>>11035296
Shit the Bed sauce is actually really good. It's not a meme in the traditional sense.

>>11035296
Buy it and find out!

Check out my varked out chicken! Kind reminder, it's more than a sauce... It's a lifestyle!

Sage and reported. Get lost

>>11035936
Haha you can't stop the varknation from saucin'n'bossin'!

Yep I'm thinking it's back

I’m thinking about taking the flavor plunge into lake vark but I’m not sure what flavor goes best with instant ramen. Any pointers Rob?

>>11035135

>>11036180
Try the varkiety pack to find out which flavor brings out your inner 'varker!

>>11035193
Scott was a white supremacist and Nazi memorabilia collector

>>11036191
True, Scott was a devout white supremacist, but he created the hot sauce that finally put Portland on the map and for that we should be thankful.

>>11036191

>>11036183
Man this soyboy meme is fucking stupid

>>11036731
t. Soyboy

nyone know where to get it in Australia, particularly wa? My pop up ametican shops dont have it (they have lucky charms for $20/ box)

>>11033429
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It' isn't fair bros! I needs it!!!!
https://chilemojo.com.au/secret-aardvark-habanero-hot-sauce-236ml-8oz.html

>>11036922
I'll tell you if you first answer my riddle:
Why does Varky the Aardvark have 2 mouths?

>>11036964
So it can eat twice as much hot sauce

>>11036960
No soyboy sauce for you, skippy.

>>11037026
Woolworths has had it for 4 months. It's only $15.99/ bottle which is cheaper than it is in New York or Chicago.

>>11037059
For real? Ill go tomorrow but woolworths is like 15mins away

>>11037059
might have to look around, my local has other meme sauces like Frank's and Cholula, haven't seen Vark though. In other news the Byron Bay ones they stock are pretty mint.

>>11037093
Not him but it's the only place in Australia that has it right now afaik.

>>11037103
Ive personally never seen it sold in any store. I just figured people bought it online or in one of those gimmicky hot sauce shops.

I went out yesterday and got one because of you memeing cunts and I actually liked it.

>>11038454
>ghost pepper blueberry

I use this to make patrician wings

>>11033429
please take your shitposting to /b/

>>11038471
Why do you fear the flavor explosion of ‘vark?

>>11035067
Based and redpilled but that very last line need work

Me IRL

>>11035296

its both good and a meme like sriracha

>>11038454

>13.99 for a fucking condiment

the state of millenials

>>11035296
Just got some actually, it's pretty good. Is it worth all the "hype" this board gives it? Not really. But for a hot sauce it's good and has a flavor that compliments a variety of things.

>>11039379
>even having money
the state of zoomer kindergartners

>>11033429
fuck off vark shill

>>11039379
Found the poor nigger.

Redpill me, /ck/.

Its nice but i hate going to the secret shop.

Like 7 dollars a bottle from Amazon


Keep Varkin’ Brahs

>>11040655
Nice to see another citizen of the varknation

>>11040655
>>11040660
Nice thank you sir just picked up a few spare bottles for me and the Missus you'res in 'Varkin Randy

>>11033429
it's like he's giving himself a blowjob

>>11041803
Can't unsee

Come on down to Vark Country.
Where sucking dick isn't JUST a part time job!

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