/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>10996670
You can't fit a hacksaw into either of those, so it doesn't really matter. The chicken, I guess.

wierd tip eat a lot of fiber. the first few nights are better if youre not shitting out your soul

seconding the chicken

Get really fucking drunk a 3 day hangover makes the first few days seem 10x worse and then it seems easier after your 100%
Good luck criminal friend

>>10996670
what'd you do anon?

>>10996670
Get the chicken. What did you do?

>>10996670
You want to know how I know you're a nigger?

>>10996937
This triggers the Great and Powerful Anon. Lord of the Basement. Destroyer of Tendies. Defender of Frogs.

>not posting the story

>>10996937
>>10996937
you have to go back

>>10996670
chicken, you want the protein because the "meat" in prison is universally terrible. sometimes the chicken patties are ok.

Do you prefer meat or fatty carbs?

Also consider that you can always make an extremely shitty jail pizza from ramen and crushed cheetos but you can't get meat that easily.

>>10996670
what did you do this time?

>>10996670
2 years huh? I’m betting OP got a hot date with chris hansen

>>10997000
>>10997083
>I'm going to jail for 2 years
Oh poor you, yous a good boi you didnu nuffin I'm sure! Deys just straight ignant trevokeshawn!

>>10997234
>>10997000

>>10997245
back to r/babish you criminal scum

>>10997253
Fluent in redditspeak I see

>>10996670
I'd fuck her filthy armpit cunt desu. Also pizza.

>>10997234
*not mental illness

smile, you'll be getting all the tossed salad you can eat :^)

>>10997289
they better have scrambled eggs to go with that tossed salad

>>10997289
Don't be gay in prison anon that's one of the the worst things you can do while locked up.

>>10997289

>>10996670
What did you do anon?

>>10996670
Why don't you try eating a bullet instead, criminal scum?

>>10996670
Why are you going to prison

>>10997289
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARFRYPcbYKg

>>10996670
Eat both and binge drink.

>>10996670
Both
You might as well steal it too

>>10997747
Oh good lord

>>10996670
I just got out of prison (7 years) and food has changed a lot since I was locked up.

>>10997176
>>10997942
Actually it was attempted rape and battery.

>>10998413
rofl, when incels break bad. hope you get buttfucked.

>>10998409
Can you give examples? What else did you notice had changed?

>>10998453
you used to be able to get 355 ml cans of V8 and now all you can get is the 163 ml dick teases

>>10998413
Oh you're going to get fucked up bro. Good luck.

>>10998413
Story time

>>10998504
he cannot even rape right. You think he is an accomplished storyteller?

>>10998524
You think he's not?

>>10998527
d-did I s-stutter?

>>10998532
Yeah you just did

>>10998555
thanks sometimes i don't notice

>>10998413
In murrica? Stay in your cell. Don't go to the chow hall, don't go to work, don't shower unless you have to. You're just as marked as a chomo in some places.

>>10998413
Did you do it?

>>10998462
what was it like living through most of the 2010's on the inside?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4B1ZQcbSvdU
and it's not even close

fuck dinner. jump on a plane

>>10998756
This op. Your life is all you have, you have the freedom to run away and try to make it mean something.

>>10998765
I do wonder if I was in OP’s place how I could escape to South America

>>10996670
Eat an entire large pizza with various dips.

Or go to KFC/Taco Bell and order 1 of everything

>>10998756
This, to a country w/o an extradition treaty.

>not having both

Ayyy lmao this thread is cancer *sip*

>>10998562
no problem friend :)

>>10998756
>>10998765
>>10998915
Are you niggersssssssss CRAZY!? He would get flagged at the airport and sssssssssssssent sssssssssssstraight to jail with no bond.

>>10998928
What you got there, fren?

>>10998928
>Ayy lmao
>*sip*
you are the cancer
clearly that must mean this thread it amazing

>>10998932
fertilizing my ket :3

>>10998930
>He would get flagged at the airport
Unlikely to happen for something relatively minor like a 2 year sentance.

>>10998930
are you a fucking snake or something

>>10998915
I've wondered about this sort of thing from time to time. What's the least shitty non-extradition country for burgerstanis? Anything in South America besides Venezuela?

>>10999039
Probably Micronesia, Vanuatu and Samoa would top the list, but Nepal or Montenegro wouldn't be bad. Far preferable than what this OP fuck is in for in US prisons. Womyn violators are generally ass raped with the guards either participating or turning a blind eye. Child molestors, unless in protective custody, are killed.

>>10998688
Yes

>>10997747
I understood that reference

>>10998532
>>10998555
>>10998562
lol

>>10997747
Am I a 26 year old boomer for understanding that reference?

>>11000305
based

>>11000305
>>10998413
A bullet. It'll be quicker than the rape and stabbing waiting for you.

Is attempted rape the most pathetic crime ever? Like not only does no woman want to fuck you, you even failed at forcing one to

>>11003465
> failed robbery is hilarious, people don't want to give you their shit and you couldn't even take it from them lel
women not wanting to fuck you isn't part of the crime

>>11003495
>women not wanting to fuck you isn't part of the crime
w-why not :(

>>11003528
it's a crime of power not sex, my dude

>>11000305
HAHA

*breath in*

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHhHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA

>>11003495
It should be.

>>11003541
But if they wanted to fuck you it wouldnt be rape
Them not wanting to is part of the definition of the crime

>>11003957
What if she's asking for it? Non-verbally?

GREEN TEXT NOW

>>11003541
Myth.

This is true for some - not all - rapes. It's mostly a meme perpetrated by dworkinites.

>>10996670

to be honest OP, I'm just starting with college and you made me feel better, since I'm free and gonna do something I like and not fuck my life over

>>11004321
I like how 'well at least I'm not a convicted failed rapist' cheers you up.

>>11004326
yup, I came from bad place and turned it around without any criminal offenses or doing anything illegal, while I was in some bad places in my mind at times and thought about doing stuff

>>11004229
I'm really really high right now. I'll greentext it in a little while after I run out of model glue and paint thinner.

>>11004349
Just remember what I said. >>10998679

Stay in the fucking cell. If the COs are crooked, then you might not stand a chance anyway, but don't fuck around and think the gangs won't fuck you up out in the open.

>>11004428
I know nothing about prison but can OP get protective custody, and should he?

>>11004465
Pretty sure you can, but being in isolation is mentally taxing as well.

>>11004465

Only a judge can put you in protective custody. They just put all the sex offenders together and they form their own society

>>10997983
holy shit

>>11004465
My knowledge is based in medium security American prison, so just keep that in mind. Once he does intake, he can apply for protective custody, but he is at the mercy of the COs. He'll most likely be put in general population immediately, then he is at the mercy of his celly until a CO brings the necessary paperwork and files it. If they decide not to "lose" the paperwork or turn him down, THEN he goes to protective custody, but at the warden's discretion. He may get to do all his time protected, may not. So yes, request it, but just in case, err on the side of caution and be on your celly's good side, whatever that takes. They pad you up with some affiliated fuck, you're going to get smashed, maybe even killed. If your celly is neutral, and you stay the fuck in there, you may just come out of this alive.

Seems like it’d be easy to escape through the shitty aluminum toilets in prison

>>10997747
Hehe
Patrician taste anon

>>11000305
Should have at least gotten rid of that "attempted"

>>11004428
thanks big herc

alright i got time...

it aint that bad bruh. depends on where you at and if you get money on the books. if you got family that has a little money it helps a lot when you down. I had money stashed after I got hit up and i trusted my girls mom to call it in, she took some "for the baby" but she did me good for 8 years. you get out on OR? pay a bond? how come you aint in co right now?
bruh if you out now you should just start flipping some real fast, you going to prison anyway fuck it, come up on some money and give it to somebody you trust like senpai to put it on the books every other month it aint like you can do it yourself and that 150 go fast bruh. everything cost inside.
the food is easy, either you got money or you dont. prison food is weak, sometimes you get something special like when they get donated shit for holidays or a some factories freezer go out but they always fuck it up and make it taste like some retirement home charly brown kinda food, bland as fuck. the food you can make in the cell is tolerable at best but you can make it spicy at least. I pieced money up every month with my celly cuz we was the same set and we was cool. no homo. some fools get robbed so be careful. you can get wrapped up quick inside even when you didnt do nothing so dont go telling fools you got money. if you poor then fuck it you dont have a choice anyway just make the best of it, you can always trade up food just make sure you know what they are saying when you trade up.

also; tapatio packs bruh, my life saver locked up. put that shit on everything.

>>10996670
OP,
>>11005961
this guy is 100% black, definitely trust this advice, generations of his have been through prison and this advice will definitely save your ass.

>>11005961
I agree bad English anon. I have time in. Sounds like you do too. There's some decent advice here OP. Enjoy your time playing cards and chess. Read. Classic literature is commonly available. Exercise. It helps relieve stress and you won't be on the same diet you're eating now anyway, so might as well. Find God if that's your thing. It can help if you're alone. Be careful who you make acquaintances with. You might be spending a lot of time alone. Try and keep it together. I find I didn't adjust very well after spending a lot of time by myself.

>>10998679
>>11004428
>Don't go to the chow hall
How is he supposed to eat then?

>>11006102
We don't want him to eat, anon

>>10998413
>attempted
Lol and you're still a virgin too

>>11004680
Imagine how fucking pissed your celly is when you fuck the toilet up andt heres still no way out

>>11000305
well I hope you got a good nut at least

>>11004509
>having to hang out with a gang of sex offenders for years
would rather get murdered 2bh

>>11004465
Only if he tried to rape his mother or a child. Misogyny towards anybody else is considered pretty cool in jail.

>>11006762
is grandma ok with them?
better or worse than mom?

GREENTEXT