/ck/ - Food & Cooking

i told my friend his mom's food tasted like shit and that she should spend more time in the kitchen

Lol i just fuck daughter
Mine hahahaha wicket fuckin weasel

I suck it up and then I suck his dick

I throw the plate on the floor and start crying. Usually I'll at least get some nice chicken nuggets with ketchup. Sometimes they order a pizza for me.

>>10986767
I stop being an underageb&

>>10986797
Do you not have friends whose families you're cool with? Or are you THAT friend that nobody introduces to?

Eat the food but throatfuck him harder than usual later

>>10986799
My friends are all adults who can cook as well and we discuss recipes occasionally.

>>10986807
Well yeah but everybody has had dinner at Some point with friends parents. Mainly this thread was to discuss like when you were a kid and going to a friend's for a sleepover but I didn't want to type so much I figured people would get the idea

>>10986767
Depends. If she was expecting you, she should have asked you, if not, then you can still tell her politely, that you don't like that dish. She will offer something else more than likely.

>>10986789
based

>>10986767
Sounds whiny as fuck. If your visit is planned and they ask your opinion, sure, throw your two cents in. But otherwise shut your hole and eat what they serve, they aren't responsible for catering to your pickiness.

>>10986767
I just pretended to be vegan

>>10987551
>just let garbage eaters walk all over you
I haven't heard anything this beta in years

Yes. How fucking asperger do you have to be to even ask that question?
Luckily only 2 of my friends' moms can't cook, the other moms cook great. Also many of them are immigrants, so I get to taste authentic food from those countries, very based.

i've never had a meal cooked by a friends parents that was unsatisfactory

>>10989150
and i forgot to mention even my friends blind mom could cook an alright meal

>>10986789
Brojob!

>>10989138
and you wonder why no one invites you to eat at their house, anon

Im vegan

My best friends parents whom i called uncle and auntie have known this for years, they used to just do the typical light hearted ribbing, (which i dont mind at all and actually find funny) and they even adjusted meals for me anytime they had us over for whatever reason, but when I brought my fellow vegan girlfriend (whom they also knew was vegan) over to introduce them, they decided it to serve us breaded eggplant

So of course we ate it up (it was delicious) and then once we were having coffee during desert they revealed to us that the eggplant (which I thought looked a bit off even at that time) was in fact fried chicken, they both including my friend started belching with laughter, my girlfriend left the room crying hysterically as the room then went silent and i went pale and my eyes dilated with rage, never had I anticipated they would ever do something so heinous to me and my significant other, i went berserk and threw my chair against the wall, they were stunned and i ran out with my girlfriend (since broken up almost entirely because of this debacle)

My “auntie and uncle” later sorrowfully called and claimed they were joking and even sent pictures of them cooking eggplant, not chicken, on that night, I wasn’t having it and cut off communication with all of them since (6 months now)

In short, if you see something you don’t think you’ll want or are suspect of it - Don’t eat it.

When I lived in the US as a kid, my mother warned me to never eat at friends' houses because "Americans can't cook unless they're southerners and even some of them can't cook, either."

I learned the hard way that she was right.

>>10989292
Is this real?

Are people really this retarded?

>>10989292
If real, your friend should have beat the shit out of you for acting like a little bitch when it was just a joke.
>The absolute state of vegans

>>10989292
Good bait

>>10989299
Pls tell us your experiences.

>>10986767
yeah for sure. I remember my friend's mom being a legendarily terrible cook. she used to burn meat and make this horrible concoction called spaghetti pie. it was literally spaghetti dumped in a sweet pie crust and baked.

>>10986767
One time my brother and I went to our best friend's house to sleep over. His mom came home from work with a case of natty light, a pack of ham and cheese loaf, and some gas station brand white bread. This was dinner, except the beer, it was for his parents. To drink with our dry sandwiches they poured an entire 2 liter of mt dew into a bubba jug with ice. We were expected to share this drink amongst us, his two sisters, and his parents. I ate my sandwich and had room temperature tap water. We really had no idea he was poor before this. Also explained why he stayed with us most of the time.

>>10989292
I read the entire thing/10

>>10989363
mostly just the typical atrocities, like dry, microwaved shake-n-bake chicken breast and microwave-steamed vegetables, overcooked, dry-as-fuck meatloaf etc
The two standout worst meals were:
1) overcooked to fuck minute steaks on a soft, sponge-like bread roll topped with spray cheese
2) chicken drum sticks in a pot, topped with a bottle of kraft bbq sauce + some extra water, boiled and served with uncooked sour rice. The rice was sour because it was mixed with sour cream. The rice was uncooked because it was regular rice and not instant and they weren't used to using regular rice.

>>10986777
I'd say this is a lie but you got trips of truth so I can't

>>10989338
>pretends to go against your entire way of being and mock you for your beliefs
>woah bro it was a prank bro woah
Not vegan or anything but what the fuck are you actually saying here? Do you just have no self respect? No empathy for your significant other? If you even have one?

>>10989417
There is absolutely nothing wrong with steakums and cheese whiz

I think it's the lack of context that makes apu so appealing

>>10986767
>When you go over to a friend's house to eat and their mom makes a meal you don't like. Do you suck it up and eat anyway or do you say something?
When I was grade school, the spend-the-night sleepovers at a certain friend's house was cause for them to turn it into steak night, which was god awful. My own parents grilled steak, from skirt steak with chimmichurri or for fajitas done right, to premium cuts my grandfather sourced at the prime butcher and then lovingly smoked and basted. My friend's parents bought tough thin steaks that they served not with A1 or anything resembling steak sauce, but ketchup. It was difficult, and I was too young to be rude or discuss my preferences for food, as all of them were eating up their dinners enjoying the fact I was there so they could have steak for dinner. /facepalm

That was the only friend who's mom was in the bland squad. The rest of my childhood experiences were fantastic potlucks with one person better than the next, or my own grandparents from both sides of the family, who knew their stuff. Friends that I chose as an adult probably included some bonding over food early on, and aside from some figure conscious dieting types or vegans with too many food rules, none of them are picky or uncultured. Anyone who only eats their culture's foods like beans and rice and eschews veggies knows enough to laugh at themeelves as the ones with the problems.

Pic is an example of the delicious roast pig you'll see at a good Miami house party.

Unless it's an allergy or an extreme circumstance
I just eat it.

I abhor grits but I live in the south and keep getting in grits-related shenanigans

>>10989479
There is when they're both from Dollarland and the steak-ums knock-offs are overcooked to fuck and back.

>>10986767
You just eat it.
Once, I went to my friend's house and ended up spending the night. His mom made a big bowl of mac and cheese (like, 2 boxes of Kraft's mac and cheese).
Me, him, and his parents each got a big spoonful. That was it - just some Kraft mac n cheese and nothing else.
It was very odd.
But I didn't complain because I'm not a bitch.

>>10989531
>>10989479
And it wasn't cheez whiz, it was knock-off ez cheez.

>>10989531
How do you even over cook it? It takes like 15seconds per side.

Do you mean burnt?

This one time when I was like 10 yo my catholic friend’s mom made lamb with mint jelly. It was the most repulsive thing I had encountered at that point in my life

Not really but I remember being over at a friends house and wanting a snack so i asked her mom if they had any tortilla's and she asked me if I thought they where living in 'round the world grocery store'. I was 8 and was not sure how to respond. Even to this day decades later, im not sure exactly what happened, my mom went to the same store she did....so.....what...did she mean?

>>10986767
No

>>10989563
She was sayin yous best eat American, boy.

>>10986767
I didn't like eating home cooked meals at any friends' houses growing up, they all creeped me out because my mom never learned how to cook and I always ate nice, predictable fast food at home.
I would just eat a couple bites to prove I tried and then I'd stop there. A couple of those parents complained to my parents about it afterwards which was pretty fucked up of them to do in retrospect.

>>10989555
No. I mean boiled. i watched with abject horror as his mom emptied a box of them, paper and all, into a frying pan and added some water. Then she fished out the papers when the "steaks" had thawed and served it up once the water had evaporated.
No salt.
No cooking fat.
Just these boot-leather-tough strips of wholly unappetising pseudo-beef topped with globs of day-glo orange goop. worst of all, she served it with overcooked pasta tossed with margarine, onto which my friend happily squirted some ketchup. That's right: I knew about sgetties and butter long before honey boo boo was even conceived as a thought, never mind a zygote.

>>10989593
Oh my god I’m so sorry.

No one should have to endure such trauma.

>>10989476
Typical vegan douche, thinks he's king shit and throws a temper tantrum at the smallest thing.
Hang yourself.

>be me like 12 years old
>sleepover at random friends house that I hung out with once
>friend's mom is making pizza pockets
>hype as fuck for like half an hour because my family was shit and all I ever ate was bologna sandwiches and etc so pizza pockets are like a magical treat
>turns out it's some as seen on TV sandwich press shit called pick-a-pocket where you basically make your own thing in pocket form
>I receive something resembling a soggy pizza pocket but it's just got a slice of processed cheese in it + ketchup dip like a mockery of a grilled cheese
Why did you dredge these memories up now I'm fucking mad

>>10986767
I don't have any friends. And the last time I had a friend that still lived with their mom was over a decade ago. I also cook for a living, and am a philosopher, so people expect me to be harsh and critical. I'm usually drunk, though, so in this hypothetical situation I'd probably just eat a few bites and say it's good but I'm not very hungry right now because I already ate and didn't know I was going to be invited over, but it's honestly really great. *glug glug glug* off in the bathroom before going outside for a smoke.

>>10989602
>a persons beliefs being violated without their consent
>smallest thing
Im sure you'd feel the same way if the situation was flipped right? If someone tricked you into doing something they know you dont want to do, and then laughed in your face as they told you, its totally cool. Youd be a douche for being upset right? After all its just a prank, not like your feelings or beliefs matter, since its a prank. It only cost you several close friendships and a significant other, just a prank, should hang yourself for thinking its a big deal.

I haven't eaten at a friends' parent's place in years, and realistically can't think of a time when I would anymore... but like, a girlfriend's house? I normally suck it up, make an excuse about diet or something like that, or if it's really something important, I just stand my ground and say no. For example, I REALLY hate sugar. Candy and cakes leave an ashen aftertaste in my mouth. I'll steadfastly refuse cupcakes or something like that after.

>>10986767
The only thing I can't stand is garlic on any food besides a nice steak. If I taste it on chicken or fish I would tell them I am allergic to most kinds of garlic.

I had an asian friend back in the day who used hinduism as an excuse to not eat at friends' houses so he wouldn't be insulting them.
>hardeep, wanna stay for tea?
>can't, i'm afraid. i can't eat cooked food that's not prasadam
>what's that?
>like hindu version of kosher
>oh

>>10989292
>I’m vegan
Can’t tell if this is bait or not

Not a friend, but same thing
>went to aunt's house
>made spaghetti with green pepper sauce
>didn't like the taste of green peppers
>put it back and didn't eat
>she came back and saw spaghetti in the pot
>cousin ate it anyways

If you don't want it, you don't eat. That's always been the rule I've been raised with. Take it or leave it. Same rules apply at a friend's house. If I don't want it, I'm just not eating.

They fed you shit so you won’t come back

>>10989292
This is pasta.

>>10986767
Have none of you faggots watched 90s sitcoms? You ALWAYS pretend to love the food no matter what and if it's so repulsive that you cant eat it you throw it away while they are not looking, chuck it out a window, give it to the fat kid (you), or feed it to a pet. This is my first and last time on /ck/ fuck you all.

>>10986767
I pretend to get a message and say "shit, i gotta go something happened"

>>10989936
this!

>>10986767
when this happened to me I would always tell her how to improve, after my friend went off to the computer, naturally we would end up plowing.

don't really care unless theyre self described patricians, I love to find habits in taste pertinent to diet which I might otherwise miss.

>have to use up a stuffed roast chicken and doing stuff with friend soon, "come over brah and I'll make you a burger"
>make a chicken roll in burger form, pretty much nothing but top quality mayo, stuffing and chicken
>"it's not very healthy"
>oh wow. hahah, "I didn't realise that SORRY DUDE" but he eats it anyway, obviously
>"when you come over I'll make you a burger"
>next time
>he makes me a fucking sandwich
>buy his dope ass 3kg of canned eskal pickles for his birthday
>visible family confusion at this gift, my sides are in orbit

SHAFTED

>>10989705
This guy japed you all, prasadam is a meme

When I was young I went to a friend's house and they made some stuff with fish (Koreans). I hated fish and said I was allergic to it. I didn't realize they were both doctors and knew all about how serious seafood allergies can be. They kind of freaked out and wanted to call my parents to make sure I was safe, but I convinced them I was ok and awkwardly made up some gibberish about "only some fish" that they probably saw right through

>>10990476
could you tone down the faggot?

>>10990558

don't like your /pol/ sauteed faggot?

>>10989394
How has no one replied to this? That sounds like the worst shit ever holy fuck

>>10989631
Sorry fag, that's what a JOKE/PRANK is. Nobody pranks people with shit they like retard. Only an autistic Asperger's fuckshit loser like you wouldn't know how to laugh it off.

>>10989965
lmao, ok go back to /tv/, what the frick?

>>10986767
I quietly eat it and act pleasant. No need to spoil the meal for everyone else. But when I'm leaving and saying goodbye I tell her "the meal was shit, but thanks for trying." I think they appreciate the honesty.

>sleepover at my house
>mom makes breakfast the next day, scrambled eggs and bacon, toast
>friend looks at his plate
>sees the fluffy mass of eggs and freaks out
>"What is that!?" he exclaims
>"It's eggs."
>"I'VE NEVER SEEN EGGS LIKE THAT! i'M NOT EATING THAT!"
>my friend was seriously unnerved by scrambled eggs
>mom just made him oatmeal instead

>>10990669
How does he typically eat eggs? Fried? How old were you, liitle kids?

>sleep over at Korean friend's house in 4th grade
>his mom makes breakfast
>runny as fuck sunnyside up eggs, the egg white was still translucent in some places
>all of us except the Korean kid ate around them, then roasted the Korean all day about his mom's runny-ass eggs

>>10990669
>scrambled eggs
>store bought premixed egg carton
>too autistic to understand why people won't touch that
kys

>>10990700
what are you saying? You buy store bought pre mixed scrambled eggs? your reply is retarded and incomrehensible if you mean something else.

>>10990700
Anon, what are you talking about? Why are you trying to change the story to suit your needs?

>>10990719
It's funnier.

>>10989631
>WAAAH HE WEALLY HUWT MY FEEWINGS
build a bridge and get over yourself

>>10989292
Wow you are a tremendous faggot. Having a bit of chicken won't kill you.

>>10986767
The few times I ate at my friends house we had the stereotypical season less chicken breast, steamed veggies and boiled potatoes. Never complained though, I was just thankful to be welcomed into their home.

>>10989508
I love apu

>>10989628
>I don't have any friends.
No suprises there

>>10989631
Nobody was harmed, so what the fuck

>>10990654
>>10990805
>>10990845
Is it fair when i dont even have to hold the rod?

Is this bait? They are kindly offering you food. You shut up and eat it and say it was very nice.
Worst that happe ed was with my old gf's mom, she made a stupid a amount of bland rabbit stew and served ebough for three people because she supposedly knew I was a big eater. It was painful, but I finished it.

>>10989631
>REEEE U FED ME REGULAR FOOD
Neck yourself please

>>10989631
>imagine being so asshurt about the suffering of animals that you treat your fellow humans like shit

>>10989631
*SNAP!*

>>10992314
Uh, dude. We're not playing cards here. We're discussing food and cooking.

>>10986767
>or do you say something
people don't actually do this... right?

>>10989292
Yeah this is going in my pasta folder.

>>10989299
You're probably just poor. Most of the poeple I know can cook just fine (except for women under 30, it's like s point of pride for them to suck at cooking).

>>10992339

>>10992355
This is fiction. Not a word of this post matches reality.

>>10992355
I dunno man, I'm not that guy, and my parents never warned me about other people's cooking, but now as an adult looking back....hardly anyone could cook.

I mean, they could do basic shit like make shit from box mixes or dump things in a crock pot but there was rarely any skill or care involved. Meats always overcooked with crappy sears. Pasteurized process cheese food product. Lots of canned shit, sauces and soups from a packet, that kinda thing.

>>10990476
I've read this three times and still can't figure out what the fuck you are trying to convey. Are you having a stroke?
>>10990611
Ah, schizophrenic. I see; that would explain the word salad.

>>10990681
Uncooked albumin should be grounds for jail time.

>>10992414
He served unhealthy food to a friend who politely ate it despite being concerned about the healthiness. Later, that friend served him a sandwich despite promising him a burger. So at Christmas he gave that friend a big jar of pickles, and everybody in his friend's family immediately realized he's autistic.

>>10989292
That's shitty of them but that's overreacting

>>10992359
Huh? Is my anecdote really triggering you because it doesn't line up with your anecdote?

>freind always brings 1 small pack of salt & vinegar chips for lunch at school
>i consider him lucky because my family don't give me junk food ever
>often we'll split it so we put the chips in my sandwich and have half each
>i get fruit and stuff as well
>go to his house for the first time
>he's been to my house quite a lot and my parents often take us on trips and stuff
>it's small and smells like piss
>but he has a PS1 so cool, i wasn't allowed a console
>his parents don't feed us anything all day
>i go to his kitchen and eat lots of his salt and vinegar chips, think, this kid has it made

>at school on monday
>oh h-hey, wheres your lunch?
>you ate it
>you ate my lunch for all week
>start feeling really guilty
>he refuses to take any of my food all week & has nothing to eat because he has nothing to trade for it and he won't dishoner himself
>tfw find out years later that he's in jail now and his dad died

I once pretended to take an hour long shit to get out of the situation

>>10989292
Holy shit lol I really hope you made this up else you are the world's biggest cunt

>tfw the chicken taste like wood

>>10989292
worst part of this bait is that he couldn't tell the difference between egg parm and chicky parm

>>10986767
>Have you ever went over a friends house to eat And the food just ain't no good?

I mean the macaroni's soggy, the peas are mushed
And the chicken tastes like wood
So you try to play it off like you think you can
By saying that you're full
And then your friend says, "mama, he's just being polite
He ain't finished, uh-uh, that's bull!"
So your heart starts pumpin' and you think of a lie
And you say that you already ate
And your friend says "man, there's plenty of food"
So you pile some more on your plate
While the stinky food's steamin', your mind starts to dreamin'
Of the moment that it's time to leave
And then you look at your plate and your chicken's slowly rottin'
Into something that looks like cheese
Oh so you say "that's it, I gotta leave this place
I don't care what these people think
I'm just sittin' here makin' myself nauseous
With this ugly food that stinks"
So you bust out the door while it's still closed
Still sick from the food you ate
And then you run to the store for quick relief
From a bottle of Kaopectate
And then you call your friend two weeks later
To see how he has been
And he says, "I understand about the food
Baby Bubba, but we're still friends"

>>10994571
You could've shortened it in greentext form and turned it into a misleading story only for the reader to find out he’s been fooled by the tricksy banter-man at the end. Instead, you fucked it all up for everyone with this waste of a post. I really hope you're proud of yourself you DENSE FUCKING ASS FUCKING FACE.

When I was a small child I would tell my friend's mom that I didn't like lima beans but she always made me eat them anyway. Miss me with that "But they like you" bullshit

Now that I'm an adult though, I'm really grateful if someone who isn't family cooks for me

>>10990632
it was genuinely terrible. the graham cracker crust mixed with the over-baked spaghetti made it nearly vomit inducing. there was practically a skin on top you had to peel off.

>>10994496
Now were both old

>>10992497
depressing as hell if true

>>10990700
was it autism?

>>10986767
You're a fucking guest. You eat what you're given, smile and say thank you.

>>10989523
>grits-related shenanigans
This sounds interesting, do tell.

>>10989562
And yet that's actually a legit dish.

>>10989580
troll

>>10989593
That...that's fucking horrible Anon. I feel for younger you.

>>10989792
Even if it's not, it is.

>>10992414
Here's your [YOU]
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/sautered
as ice cold as your heart

>>10992421

Some people make it hard to ignore, like you.

>>10989705
>hindu
>Asian
Since when are Orientals Hindu? I assumed they were all either commies or buddhists

>>10996614
For one thing, in Britainistan and Ireland, 'Asian' typically refers to Indians/Pakistanis/Bengalis.
For another, the biggest Hindu temple in the world is in Cambodia. There are plenty of native Hindus in southeast Asia who aren't Indians.

>>10996614
When referring to the Orient, Indians are not included.

When referring to Asia, Indians can be considered Asian.

However, you can be a non-Indian and be Hindu. It's rare, but possible.

>>10989631
If someone fed me dog without me knowing I would probably be very mad too

Was the macaroni soggy, too?

>>10986767
Suck it up and eat it anyway

>>10989965
>friend has dog
>its under the table
>am cutting up food i don't like
>try to sneak bite down to dog
>had the fucking kinfe in my hand
>he yelps and runs away
I was an awkward 9 year old

>>10989292
eggplant is much stringier and awful than chicken. i wish i liked it

>>10986767
I already brought 5000 calories in snacks in my backpack instead of necessities. So I take a few small bites, pushing the food around like I'm eating it, then say I'm full when everyone else gets done.

>>10986789
You might want to try that in reverse order next time, I think he'll like it.

>>10989394
>not making her own pastry dough for a pie crust
Even I thought of that when I went to make a chicken pot pie for the first time. Pic related. It looks like shit but was great. Also, why didn't she just make a beef pot pie using the burnt meat? The liquid surrounding it would have made it edible.

>>10986794
Based

I remember having a lot of ‘za and ‘da at friends houses.