/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>"bake for12-15minutes"
>bake for 16
GETTING AWAY WITH MURDER

>>10476684
>"cover the ramen until cooked"
>don't cover at all
SOMEBODY STOP ME

>"boil for 2 minutes"
>boil for 1 and a half
MOM'S GONNA FREAK

>"stir occasionally"
>stirs periodically
REGIONAL DISASTER

>drain the ground beef

And lose that delicious juice and grease?!

>"salt and pepper to taste"
>no taste, just pinch it on there
DON'T EVEN COME HOME TONIGHT

>"add 2 dl milk"
>adds 3 dl
NOW I KNOW WHY'ALL BE LOVIN' THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE

>pinch of salt
>fondle salt

>"reserve pasta water"
>dump and drain
CALL THE MAYOR

>"3tbsp unsalted butter"
>4 TBSP SALTED BUTTET
CARNAGE, BRUTALITY, END TIMES

>cook on medium flame
>turn it to medium high
I AM THE SHARPEST OF BLADES

>>10476684
i shake after opening since i don't want to mix the packaging gas into the liquid.

>invite friend over for a home made luncheon
>purchase fast food

DELIGHTFULLY DEVILISH

>"microwave on high..."
>microwave on default
THE VOICES ARE TELLING ME TO END IT ALL

>"Dice 1 lb. cubed chicken breast"
>use thighs instead

CHAOS REIGNS

>"Add a cup of milk"
>Add 250 ml
M E T R I C C C

>recipe calls for light cream
>use heavy cream instead

OOH WA AH AH AH

>>10476684
>recipe says to use whipped cream
>use whipping cream instead
DANCING UNDER THE MOONLIGHT WITH THE DEVIL

im crying

This thread is literally reddot tier and the epitome of bad attempt at humor.

>>10477894
good 4chanian
*pats head*

>>10477894
>while posting TTG
...

>>10477894
Hey it looks like OC to me. The only shitty posts are yours and the post above yours.

>>10477903
"But anon it's IRONIC!"

>>10477894
>hey guys do I fit in yet
inb4 "i was just pretending to be retarded/thanks for the (you)s idiots"

>Bake on a metal cookie sheet
>Use a glass pan
I'm lost.

>1 tablespoon of olive oil
>use 4 instead
NO ONE CAN FATHOM MY MADNESS

>calls for 1/2 of vegetable oil
>use 1/2 cup of olive oil

CHAOS REINS

>recepie calls for kosher salt
>use regular salt
I AM THE ROOT, THE PROGRESS, THE AGGRESSOR, I AM THE TABLE

>recipe calls for mascarpone
>use cream cheese instead
TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL

>"use 1 tbs butter"
>uses 1 tbs margarine

I'M NUCLEAR

>recipe calls for shorting
>use butter instead

>try to make le funny fred
>end up posting 9gag humour

>>10478724
im sorry, fred.....

>leave to rest
>eat it immediately
I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE

>recipe calls for poached egg
>go to my local national forest and steal a bunch of eggs from a wild bird nest
PLEASE STOP ME

>Instructions say to remove cardboard
>Don't
LOCK ME UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEY

>>10476684
>Use 2 tspns of baking powder
>Use 2 tspns of baking soda instead

A B S O L U T E

>Chop finely
>Mince instead

MEMORIES BROKEN THE TRUTH GOES UNSPOKEN

this is how autistic people try to be amusing, isn't it?

>"""""thaw'""""" and serve
>how about "FUCK YOU" and serve

>>10476684
what is this joker meme do i just need to watch the fucking movie
cause no thanks i'll not participate

>>10480360
>thaw and serve
>thaw and threw in garbage.

SOMEBODY STOP ME!

>cook for 6-8 minutes
>cook it for 9
WAKE ME UP, BEFORE YOU GO GO

>>10476922
Obviously grilled post

>"use 1 cup of macaroni"
>use one cup of rotini
BURN OUT THE DAY
BURN OUT THE NIGHT

>recipe calls for 1 ounce of something
>use 28.3495 grams instead
I'M THE FIRESTARTER
TWISTED FIRESTARTER

>>10481010
Nice

>recipe calls for frying in oil
>I fry in water
ALL THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

>recipes says salt taste
>I salt to smell
FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR

>>10476765
kek

>>10483655
How the fuck do you even do that?

>>10484012

He fry-boiled it, you dummy

>marinate overnight
>marinate all night
IT'S STUPID CONTAGIOUS
TO BE BROKE AND FAMOUS

Why do you samefag so hard ITT?

>>10484046
I didn't know about that! Thanks, anon.

>>10484059
>Hate thread
>bump anyways
WAKE ME UP INSIDE

>Other people use ketchup and mustard for hot dogs
>I use wing sauce instead

HELP ME STAY ALIIIIIIIIIIIVE

>Leave in microwave for 1 minute to finish cooking
>Take it out immediately

ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT MY LIFE IS PRETTY PLAIN

>recipe calls for watermelon
>use melon
ONE MORE GOD REJECTED
SURVIVE THE FALL FROM GRACE

>>10476764
>microwaves
ONE NOTHING WRONG WITH ME

>calls for white vinegar
>uses balsamic
DARKNESS, IMPRISONING ME

>>10478660
i am the globglogabgolab

>Making tacos with a Taco Bell taco kit, Kraft shredded cheese, iceberg lettuce, diced white onion and beefsteak tomato, Daisy sour cream
YAAAAAAAH, IT'S A PARTY IN THE U.S.A.

>"add a pinch of salt"
>add 2 pinches
IN YOU AND I THERE'S A NEW LAAAND

>using sugar in place of salt
Wish you would step back from that ledge my friend :(

>cooking imitation meat vegan dishes
FLAVORTOWN GULAG FOR YOU

Boss thread...boss bread...jesus...I got the cheap beer stank...I can smell it...

>Sprinkle tsp of Paprika
>Use Oregano instead

DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO BE GANGSTA

>>10477741
What the fuck

AY NIGGA
WE HERE >>10482332
WE BASED
AND WE READY TO FUCK YOUR FACE

bitch

>make two minute noodles
>many more than two in the pot
AND I'M NEVER GONNA DANCE AGAIN GUILTY FEET HAVE GOT NO RHYTHM

>>10476769
>>10476780
>>10476789
>>10476922
>>10478660
>>10480172
>>10480360
>>10480427
>>10484878
>>10485690
>>10485699
These made me laugh :-) I always follow directions because i'm not a mad lad like you

>>10487369
god I really need to start putting some effort into getting laid

>>10487369
mediocre body but if those were just stumps it would be hot as fuck

>package says preheat oven to 425 degrees
>put pizza in oven immediately and just bake it for 5 minutes longer

AND THE MAN IN THE BACK SAID "EVERYONE ATTACK" AND IT TURNED INTO A BALLROOM BLITZ

>>10476684
>Bottle doesn't have any note telling me to shake it
>I shake it anyway
LOCK ME UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEY

>>10487369
Based lizzie

>>10476684
>Make Homemade Cane's Sauce
>Dip Chic-fil-a nuggets in it
I'm an agent of chaos