/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>10435014
And I was just like....

>>10435014
This is why I'll never get to have that perfectly done pan seared ribeye with garlic-thyme-butter baste ever again.

>>10435036
lol. was at my girlfriends house yesterday. well, not there tonight, and this is why. The house got so fucking smoky, she was all bitchy about her asthma. And then I opened the place up, and she started bitching about her heating bill. Like, wtf do you want me to do? The steak was making ALOT of smoke. BTW, it turned out amazing, but we got into a huge fight because of the smoky house and now I have to jerk off tonight.

>he fell for the cast iron meme

>>10435014

Every damn time....

>>10435048
Sounds like a bitch, I would've been thankful for a meal

>>10435014
*removes batteries and never puts them back in*

>>10435014
Jokes on you, I disconnected mine

>>10435014
>mfw

>>10435014
I keep a dedicated 3 balls of foil on top of my fridge to hit it from across the room. My aims getting good enough I might cut down to 2.

>>10435346
she had already eaten, and I was making a steak she had gotten me. She says "I never get the house all smoky with my steaks."

Yeah, true, she doesn't. but her steaks are not very good.

I'm not gonna lie and say I didn't smoke the house up good, but the exhaust was on and it was all I could do. She has a cat that hides and would have escaped if I opened the door, so I just cracked windows.

Anyways, fuck.

>>10435048
>and now I have to jerk off tonight
I fucking hate when that happens. Especially when you were on a killer roll all day right before whatever bullshit happens.

>>10435396
I just go negligent when I don't get laid. Like stay up all night playing video games or whatever don't make breakfast ect. Tends to curb the passive aggressive act when they realize two can play at that game.

>>10435405
Same but they always continue to escalate for me. I should probably be more attractive but I wish they could let a single mishap pass especially if the rest of the day was perfect.

>>10435417
the key to making that work is you can't make it seem like it's retaliatory. You have to just be doing it because it's what you want to do. Don't apologize and don't take offense just shrug it off or else the illusion will break.

I live in constant fear of this. And because in my apartment the fucking detectors are wired together if the one in the hallway goes off the one in the bedroom goes off too.

>>10435426
I never apologize but I do reveal my anger at times. I'll work on that.

>>10435444
Do, women are emotionally intelligent as fuck. They're top tier unconscious manipulators it's practically conditioned in by the way they're socialized. In order to get around it you have to be able to fool it. There's a reason why the best liars are often the popular people because it's a social tool where as bad liars are the most shunned

>>10435014
>battery dies in one mounted on a 20 foot ceiling
>all the ones in the house start chirping in 10 second intervals
>slowly go insane until I get a big enough ladder to replace the damn thing

>>10435928
>Have ten of the damn things in my house.
>The acoustics makes me look like a crazed person walking around the house muttering to myself trying to locate the beeping.
>Finally find it.
>Have to get the biggest ladder I have and try to reach the damned unit.
>Realize I forgot my fear of heights.
>Almost shit myself replacing a fucking battery.
>Get down, thanking whatever god that nothing happened.
>Hear another beep.

>>10435014
>pull the battery out, or....
>deal with it while my scallops cook

>>10435048
i think you might be doing it slightly wrong

>>10435405
>I just go negligent when I don't get laid
this explains most of my life

>>10436840
please tell me, how the fuck do I keep the smoke down while searing a thick steak?

Anyone else lose their boner while watching porn when the alarm is chirping because of a low battery,?

>>10436840
Searing steaks always makes a ton of smoke. Especially one as thick as a ribeye.

>>10435014
>makes a loud "whoosh" noise to mock you
>doesn't actually help

>>10437108
That was supposed to be a pic of a vent

Am I not allowed to post pictures to 4chins anymore?

>>10437098
I just replace them as soon as they start. Most of the time I'm playing videogames with chat unmuted there's always someone with one chirping in the background. How can people live like this? I have a friend who's had one going off for like a week now.

>>10435928
>>10435945
I'll just take my chances with dying in a house fire.

>>10437101
Turn the heat down foolio. If it's smoking you are burning the oil. That's too hot. You want it hot enough to sizzle but not hot enough to smoke.

>>10435381

Impressive.

>>10437822

Thats not true at all.. You turn it down when you baste with butter but the actual steak searing makes most of the smoke.

I mean like use your judgment but searing anything is gonna get smoky.

>>10435014
>throw plate
"Learn English you pile of robot shit."

Get a heat detector you silly shit

>>10438331
But then it would go off every time I enter the room.

these things make me really hate electric stoves
rather than oil just burning off in a flash and leaving little smoke if even a drop lands on a coil it will just smolder making a cloud of smoke. Can't wash coils because they'll degrade faster so you have to just have it at a low heat to slowly burn off the oil at a rate the firealarm won't detect or fill the room with smoke.

>>10435048
What arctic wasteland do you live in that you have to heat a house in April?

Speaking of searing steaks.

What do y'all do with thinner cuts to get a good sear/butter baste but still keep it rare to medium rare?

I got some t-bones that were on sale that are about an inch thick, and I couldn't for the life of me get a good sear/butter baste without them crossing over into medium-well.

Why the FUCK dont they wire the damn things into the mains, like, have the bit attached to the wall or ceiling provide power to the unit itself and have the battery as backup

>>10440740

Probably in case, idk, whatever caused your fire also caused a lack of electricity in your house?

Best to be safe i think. Burning to death would suck hard as fuck.

>>10435036
Just take the fucking batteries out

>>10439701
Freeze them first then cook starting from from frozen. Look up "cryosearing"

>>10440740
These days most of them ARE wired into mains. I just bought a new house and bought new detectors. I prefer the battery operated ones and they were hard as fuck to find. Most places only had the mains ones available.

>>10440746
Or put a piece of paper between the battery and the terminal so if there is a fire the insurance company won't know you didn't have a working fire alarm.

>>10435014
Just put condom on it

>>10440740
That's how they are at my apartment. I unplugged mine because even the fucking steam from showering sets the piece of shit off. It's been 4 years and my landlord has no idea.

>>10440745
>battery as backup
What did i mean by this?

>>10440775
I lived in a place where the rocket scientists installed one 6 feet from the stove. Yeah I disabled it.

>>10440787

What if battery is dead after years of not being used? I feel like even rechargable batteries die..

If only there was some sort of beeping function it had that would alert you when it was time to change the dead batt-...

And now we’re back to where we started faggot

>>10440808
Which it would still have but it would only use the battery when not recieving outside power, I.E when the power is out. Thats a long freaking time between battery changes compared to once every 6 to 12 months

>don't have this little shit in my flat
Feels good man

>>10435470
I didn't make a whole lot of progress today but I blasted out the most ghastly fart point blank to her face while she slept. I hope her eyes itch tomorrow. It fucking smells horrible in here.

>>10440808
The battery is being charged whenever there is power. Like how the battery for your motherboard's CMOS will live practically forever because you turn it on every day.

>being too poor to own a Nest

I keep earmuffs in my kitchen, so when this happens I can just put them on and casually turn the detector off. Also because the food processor is so loud.

>>10441284
>He lives in a nest
Wtf man homeless places give out blankets and shit

>>10435036
I feel you.

>>10437085
I've been using 1lb Ribeyes.

> let steak rest for at least an hour
> preheat oven to 450
> use canola oil (high smoke point) based cooking spray
> heat pan enough to where canola oil cooking spray smokes a little when you spray it
> turn off or turn down burner
> sear 3 min each side
> stick pan in oven for 2 to 6 minutes depending on how rare you like your steak

>>10435048
No you don't, you can leave her ass for thinking sex is a reward or something to withhold. I guarantee you've never withheld sex from her, because you know you're worth more than your genitalia. Fuck all women, god I hate them

>>10435470
I literally just tell my girl (and previous girlfriends) to get into the bedroom and take her clothes off. I dont ask or pine for sex I just make it happen, not in a rapey way but more assertive. Makes them moist.

>>10439143
Not him, but I'm from New England and I've had the heat on for ~6 months. It snowed here just the other day.

>>10438121
Again: Your. Heat. Is. Too. High.

It will sear jut fine with it being "sizzling hot". "Smoking hot" is making your food taste worse. Literally burnt food/oil does not taste very good, There's absoloutely no need to have the heat that high.

>>10441674

Wrong-o, bucko.

Maillard reaction happens around 350F and further caramelization happens 350-400. The smoke point of canola is ~420-450 if memory serves (clarified butter is higher but most will sear w canola because its neutral flavored) so youre going to right on the verge of smoking but like i said in my other post, you use your judgment and experience to know whether the smoke is from the oil burning or the protein searing.

Now fuck off with your shit-tier seared meats and stupid advice.

>>10435014
That's how you know you're done.

>>10435014
>goes off while I'm in the shower
>fire brigade is 4 minutes away

>>10437776
>tfw I'm that friend
Jom?

>>10441647
I live in Phoenix and it's already 95F out at mid day. How are we even the same country as you? We should seriously consider breaking the union into smaller pieces and decentralizing power. You and the california faggots shouldn't get to tell us we can't tell mexicans to fuck off.

>>10438121
Buy a grill.

>>10441820
americans are too pussy to revolt

>>10441862
Everyone in the west is too pussy to revolt, it's the modern condition.

>>10441823

>searing on a grill

Come on now buddy

>>10441820
Okay, enjoy having literally no produce, not like you eat it anyways because you're probably one of those "meat and potatoes" brainlets

>>10435014
>he actually has smoke detectors in his house
>he didn't take them all down and throw them away as soon as he bought his house
Hue Hue Hue....


WTF is a loud chirping going to do? Annoy me before I perish in a fire? Smoke, burning smell, and heat are enough to wake up the average person so they don't literally burn alive. Besides that they serve no purpose


Debate me

>>10443168
Debate implies reason, fact, and logic; none of which you have mastered yet.

I have to put a fan on while I'm boiling water or the alarm will go off. What the fuck is wrong with my stove and/or detector?

>>10441937
You're not wrong.

>>10435014
Wtf is that ? Some kind of alarm ?

>>10443168
>lifesaving tools are info gathering agents of the NSA 'cause muh infowars told me so
Suggest you move into a grass hut and live off of wild berries and grubs. Oh, you virtually do.

>>10443724
Smoke alarm you needle-dicked bugfucker

>>10441749
Sounds like you have a ~50 degree window with canola oil. That shouldn't be a problem at all unless you are inept. (Fuck, al you have to do is turn the knob down). Or you could use an oil better suited to high heat use that gives you a bigger window.

>>10437776
I once couldn't find my dieing fire alarm for a few months. I was an hoarder alcoholic and i had taken it down and forgot where i hid it. found it behind the oven. I learned to live with it though and found it when I dropped a tea bag between the stove and the counter top

>>10442685
>implying the deep south isn't also ideal for growing produce

>>10435014
That's the worse.

>>10435014

>>10443912
Needle-dicked buttfuckers need smoke alarm to tell them there is smoke, I use my nose like a normal person.

>>10437776
Why is it that every time someone has a chirping smoke detector in the background they are usually Mexican or Black?

>>10435048
at first I thought you were lying about a gf but her bitching about everything confirmed it

if your steak is making plumes of smoke it's too fucking hot
>don't use an aluminum pan especially a teflon one
>use plently of oil and put the steak in when it starts to shimmer
if it starts smoking after this point it means you should turn the heat on because it's hotter than when you started. fat in steak doesn't smoke until after vegetable oil typically.

>>10444002
turn the heat down*

>Smoke detectors are loud & annoying
Better appreciate that they are just loud, also blog time
>be me
>finally get job promotion and my own office
>bring a small toaster oven for making lunch
>turn it on one day and forget about it
>come back and open the door
>fat residues escape as smoke
>smoke detector gets triggered
>power shutdown on the whole floor
>panic
>open up the windows
>hide oven in the storage room
>evacuate the building with all other emplyoees
>4 firetrucks arrive
>firemen went straight to my office
Eventually they blamed it on a malfunction of my smoke detector. My boss said that it cost the landlord about 1000€.

>>10444050
temp, your my sexy guy

>>10435014
Joke's on you, mine are hardwired and connected to all the other smoke detectors in the building. So if one goes off, they all go off.
>>10441284
>willingly buying and installing a botnet smoke detector

>>10435443
>live in a 350+ unit complex
>worried if I set the alarm off the entire building will be evacuated and the fire dept will come blow in a fire extinguisher all over my apartment and ruin my stuff
>leave door open when I cook even though the common garden/patio area is right outside my door
FUCK
And it's ridiculous because in the last five years I've only set the smoke alarm off once, just once, and it's when I was broiling something and it went 2 minutes too long. Fuck broilers. So it's unwarranted paranoia, but still. I don't want to be that jackass.
>back in college dorms
>always some asshole would set the alarm off and we'd all have to evacuate
>happened once in winter while I was taking a shower
>casually standing outside naked but for a towel in 10 F weather with no shoes for 40 minutes surrounded by people

>>10444232
>if one goes off, they all go off.
pretty sure that only happens when you open the main entrance door.

i've been looking at a LOT of apartments lately and noticed that written a few times. basically warning people to not open their door if their fire alarm goes off (when there's no fire)

just sayin', you know.

i keep mine in the fridge so it never goes off

>>10443922

Canola is pretty much king when it comes to high heat applications. Clarified butter is the only neutral flavored fat that can stand up to searing tier heat (like 450-475 i think before it starts smoking?).

A crankin hot pan with a bit of oil in it is easy to estimate approximately how hot it is. I dont have any evidence to back this up aside from using canola in a 350 degree fryer and using it in pans to sear things, but it is gonna start to atomize at ~400 which is when you wanna throw whatever it is you wanna sear into the pan. Whatever you throw in the pan is going to drastically reduce the pans temperature sonyoure gonna have to leave it on high til its back up to temp, then you can lower it a bit to avoid scorching your oil and making whatever you were tryna cook taste acrid.

Like large diver scallops, for example.. They sell like hotcakes and ideally you would do them one or two at a time, but realistically you might have four or five orders of scallops on fire at once. A small aliminum sauce pan aint gonna cut it because once you get your fourth or fifth scallop on that pan the oil is now way cold and the first scallop you had down is forming a nice crust while the last one is barely even browned. If youre smart you will throw the first scallop down, wait 10-15 seconds, thrownthe second down, etc, then once theyre all down you turn the heat down and let them sear before you chuck a couple tbsp butter in there to cool the pan down before basting and finishing them.

Im drunk but my point is that its absolutely l not as cut and dry as you are making it out to be and properly searing meat requires high heat and its gonna make smoke even if you stay below your cooking fats smoke point

Pic related is a nice sear. With duck its a little different because you start with a cold pan but when younfinish it it gets cranked

>>10445343
>With duck its a little different because you start with a cold pan
Do you mean cold cold, or just a temperature too low to sear but soften the fat before cranking it way to to start the process?

I don't get to have duck often.

>>10440760
Genius

>>10445411

>what is this half-burnt piece of paper in the smoke alarm?

Dude if you think insurance companies arent run by huge jews who will look at everything and anything that could possibly absolve them from paying you money then you are SORELY mistaken.

>>10441164
Nice. Rather than being a slave to the brap, you subject them to it.

>>10445343
>Canola is pretty much king when it comes to high heat applications

wrong. https://www.seriouseats.com/2014/05/cooking-fats-101-whats-a-smoke-point-and-why-does-it-matter.html

our boy /safflower/ blows it out of the water. hell, most vegetable oils have a higher smoke point than CANola (aka not my oil)

>>10435014

>>10445501

Its called a “dutch oven”.

>he has never slept with a woman til she was his gf where she likes you enough to not break up with you over a devastating dutch oven

Im 29 and that shit has not become anything less than hilarious

>>10445541
Bruh, I fart in the bed all of the time, and she deals.

>>10443989
let me guess GTA V?

>>10445528

Youre absolutely right, but it is also like 3x the price of canola and the difference is marginal.

>using peanut/soy/sunflower/corn oil when they all affect people who have specific amd common allergies

Ive had exactly ONE canola allergy over 5 years cooking. Like i said, clarifIed butter is way superior BUT the fact that you have to process butter, throw away the solids, and take into account that unprOcessed butter is way more expensive than canola and its a pretty easy choice.

Im just being practical my guy

>>10441937
noooooooooooooooooooooooo

>>10445567
Or literally any livestream.

>>10446216

Fake and gay