/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>18905336
>use an entire bottle of Secret Aardvark on a Screamin Sicilian Bessie's Revenge frozen pizza over the course of an hour while watching pretty little liars and gooning the entire time over the cast
>finish purple in the face, my fat belly hanging over my thighs like a slab
>dropping monumental farts, a hot vapour moisturising my already damp crack
>smell of rotten chicken, scrotal sweat and fecal matter and vinegary capsicum embalming the room
>final finishing gooning and unleash fat ropes over my hairy feet
>fall asleep on the chair
>wake up breathless in the middle of sleep apnea, letting out one final wind, literally shitting all over my briefs, spilling it all over the chair
>say to myself that I will wash it later
>go to the fridge to finish the leftover macaroni under the cold light of the bulb of the kitchen
>consume a half bottle of wine between two tablespoons of pasta
>macaronis full of grease turned into an odious pasta cake with the cold
>wine left in the heat turned into vinegar
>still gulp it down
>gobble 4 slices of ham doused with Secret Aardvark on large pieces of expired brioche buns
>make a long and oily fart and close the fridge
>I have eaten again without being hungry
>return in the armchair full of cockroaches, turn on the TV, begin to goon again
>can't find the strength to finish myself
>spend the early hours of the morning smelling the space between my thumb and index while watching life coaching videos
>tell myself that tomorrow I'll make the effort to start a new life, sports, eating better
>get up with my ass still full of dried shit and go to the freezer to get a budget ice cream - the last one before my new life
>finish it up in one go
>hear my mum calling me in a muffled voice telling me to go to bed
>pretend not to hear, instead devour up 6 slices of rancid bread roughly spread with Secret Aardvark and margarine
>scream to her that I'll make her clean my ass later with that tongue
>she doesn't answer