/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>implying any self-respecting girlfriend would have served a dry cut of meat, a half-assed corn on the cob with country crock, and a cut up baguette with parsley sprinkled all over it and called it a meal

Is she gonna make you sketti next time Sugar Bear? Might be able to use the leftover country crock with the ketchup sauce...I mean..marinara.

Yes.
Everyday they will make you eat at a KFC or a McDonalds. If you refuse there will be a feed tube forced down your throat and you will be made to watch in horror as some 400 pound obese lady in a scooter mashes up your taters n fried chickun in her mouth and expels the slurry of food stuff into the tube for you to eat.
You will drink so much soda that your blood will become acidic. There is no such thing as tea or water options out in the midwest. Only soda. Soda all day erryday.
And if you make such a fuss about the soda? Then it's purple drank for you.

Now the midwest also has a "no movement" rule. Meaning that after you consume a 2000 calorie meal at McDonalds you must not move for at least five hours. During this time your television options to watch are classic favorites like "Here Come Honey Boo-Boo" and watching Paula Deen's cooking show...her older shows of course with extra buttah.

In fact, food isn't really food out in the midwest.
It's actually all butter.
You got your standard butter chicken, butter fries, butter shrimp, butter soda, butter burgers, butter beans, butter pork, butter gumbo, butter spaghetti, butter fresco, butter fish, butter butter. You name it, it's buttered.
Don't expect any other food options.
They don't take kindly to foreign nazis trying to tell them how to eat.