/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>20007075
Based, we need more of these old-school shopped Saucejacks, those AI bots are takin our jerbs.

>>19654881
>not understanding the irony of this

>oh, waitress! *snaps fingers* come here, my poppet, I've decided on what I shall dine upon today
>May I have the BEARDY MCBEARDMAN MEGA BEEFY QUADRUPLE BEEF BEER BACON N BOURBON BURGER WITH 3000 MONTH PINK HIMALAYAN SALT CAVE AGED CRUELTY FREE SLAVERY FREE NON GMO FARM TO TABLE CIGAR SMOKED GOUDA
>Oh, and of COURSE! My apologies for not realizing that the hot sauce menu was a subset of the MAIN menu (albeit a separate pamphlet detailing the intricacies of each sauce, as well as pairing suggestions, would be a welcome addition (pass that along to your sauce monger)). I shall sample your in-house BEELZEBUTT'S 7,000,000 SCOVILLE HEMORRHOID HOLOCAUST NUCLEAR ANAL LEAKAGE XXXXXX FECAL FURY SAUCE; and, my sweet, mayhaps a bottle of it to go? Though I am yet to taste it, I am sure that my buddies at the barcade - yes, a portmanteau of 'bar' and 'arcade,' and YES, you can actually DRINK as you PLAY VIDEO GAMES, whatever will they think of next? - will be utterly TICKLED by the label your crew has concocted for that bottle!
*taps glass*
>and another round of your hoppiest IPA, please!

>April 12, 2023
>Uncle Ulcer’s Maximum Alert Ghost Pepper Gastrointestinal Genocide, first tasting
>I found the bottle art to be quite clever and humorous, although I could see how one might be shocked by an anthropomorphic chili pepper in a Wehrmacht uniform shoving the nozzle of a flamethrower up a man’s rectum and blasting it with fire - perhaps they could change it to a generic uniform so as not to offend our Semitic friends.
>A local eatery is featuring the sauce on their chicken wing offerings. I took a seat at the bar and ordered a dozen, and a Gutpunch Hopfuck IPA from Motherhumper Brewing (I typically would not get something quite so hoppy to accompany the main course but I was feeling bold this eve). A family with ugh… THREE children was seated in the dining area behind me. I attempted to register my disdain by glaring menacingly over my shoulder at the parents but their attention was focused on their spawn. I politely requested the barmaid reseat me at the end of the bar.
>The plate arrives. A neon orange-reddish sauce glistens on the wings. The scent is rather pungent, it stings the nostrils. I raise my glass and nod to a young lass a few seats away. She rolls her eyes and goes back to staring at her phone. I pick up a drumstick and take a small bite. The taste was… underwhelming. I had expected something more… flavorful from Uncle Ulcer’s, but all I can sense is pure capsaicin. Fire and needles spread throughout my mouth and down my throat, swear begins to bead on my brow. I whip out my pocket square with a flourish and dab my forehead. The woman a few seats down now has her back completely turned to me.
>A few minutes have passed and I have not taken another bite. I have emptied my pint and am halfway through a glass of milk, courtesy of the barmaid. She has politely but firmly rejected my request to exchange the wings for another dozen in a different sauce. I tip my hat and bid her good night.
>Final score: I rank the sauce a 6/10.

>>19571489

>>19235144

>>19149766

>>19040105

Can all of you retarded trolls and bait-swallowers fuck off so that we can have a serious conversation about culinary pepper sauce?

So yesterday, I finally got my delivery of Professor Poopensheisser's Rectal Reaper 5000 Limited Edition, an artisanal organic small-batch craft sauce made with love by indigenous Floridians. Their secret is, they don't wash the Roundup off the peppers before chucking them in the Vitamix, thus lending a crisp, chemical bite--similar to the umami bouquet of Clorox toilet cleaner, but very sophisticated and probably containing numerous antioxidants. Since the Roundup has a tendency to denature natural bacterial proteins, the native sauce artisans prepare the sauce with unwashed toilet hands, ensuring a rich infusion of live probiotic prebiotic postbiotic cultures. The end result is a symphony of nature & science that literally paints your toilet bowl red with a rich, mealy blood porridge containing bonus chunks of rectal meat, and yet somehow it all smells like Strawberry Frosted Poptarts, how do they do that? You'll be spending a lot more on toilet paper, but the intense 6,000,000 Scoville flavor is worth it for my fellow pepperheads--and the Dow Chemical preservatives added as a finishing touch tend to sear the anal nerve endings, leading to a surprisingly smooth and pain-free fecal experience, with none of the intense incontinent ringmeat quivering associated with lesser sauces. I rate it 9.5/10, but check my Youtube channel (PickleRickSauceBoss420) for a full review.

Just place my order, lads. 20 Cajun boneless wings and a Cajun chicken sandwich. Eatin' good tonight, boiz.

>>18301208

>>18106123
Trolling, shitposting, and forcing memes.

>>18065210

>>17872785

>>17608333