/ck/ - Food & Cooking

Any time I go to an asian restaurant, I ask for my food spicy. And then I specify, extra spicy, or "as spicy as you can possibly make it".
It always comes out as though it was just ordered straight off the menu.
I am always very explicit but polite, and tell them that I truly do mean it, but they just don't give a fuck.
Yes, I am white.
I used to work at a Thai restaurant, and the owner would forcibly take a shift menu out of your check, and there was an off menu "double thai hot" that was like, make your nose run/cry hot. It was beautiful. She would actually make it that hot for me because she knew I could handle it.
I haven't ran into that level of spice anywhere since, I miss it.
When someone would order something hot, my boss would stick her head out of the kitchen and size them up and often times go "oh no, he want mild". So I understand that that does happen.
How do I keep this from happening?
How do I develop a relationship with my local Asian restaurants?
I am sick of being constantly dissapointed.