/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>12327707
It's part of a collection of shit I've been developing to deal with the Jollibee outsourced marketing department.

>>12296143
A brief history of the Philippines:
400,000BC- 1520AD: nothing of note. Pinoys squat in filth in their grass huts, eating pork and plantains.
>1521-1565, the entire country surrenders to Spanish rule. Pork and plantains are supplemented by rice, squatting in filth and grass huts still popular.
>1565-1897: Slaves of the Spanish, sugar cane is introduced but the local goblinos aren't allowed any. Sweet potato is introduced for pig feed and locals take to it immediately.
>1898 Philippines declares independence. Literally nobody gives a fuck and the US buys the whole country for $20 Million. Filipinos stop sucking Spanish cock and start licking America's boots. Spam is added to the Pinoy diet, filth squatting still the #1 local pastime.
>1942, the Japanese invade and the Filipinos promptly switch to licking Japanese boots. Main foods now starvation and rape, supplemented with whimpering, grovelling and cowering.
>1945, America liberates the Philippines because their boots could do with a good licking again. Filipinos everywhere rejoice because the US actually pays Pinays for sex instead of just raping them at will. Main food goes back to pre-invasion status.
>1945-1995: Internet is invented. Large portions of the country are given to Muslim terrorists in the hope of pacifying them, making the Philippines the first country in history to lick Chad's boots AND Muhammad's sandals at the same time. Jollibee is invented and grass huts are upgraded to tin shacks. Balut becomes popular as it helps locals forget how boots taste.
>1995-2000: Philippines enters the 20th century, gets internet access and starts bringing money into the country by exporting their womenfolk to be prostitutes in more developed countries.
>2000-2019: OP is born, develops rudimentary language skills, is unfortunately given internet access, and starts shitposting and shilling Jollibee on /ck/.
Is that about right?