/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>17197626
Fish is not meat.

>be me
>19
>fat
>go with friends to expensive bengali restaurant
>order lamb vindaloo
>extremely spicy curry
>sweating buckets
>still delicious
>go to friends house
>crack beers and watching a movie on the couch
>feel the warning tremors downstairs
>drunk, ignore it
>suddenly, the horde is at the castle walls
>i have already lost
>only able to utter a single prayer
>”HOLY SQUIRTS!”
>floodgates burst
>the army blasts straight through my pair of underwear and jeans
>sheer force from the impact propels me to my feet
>dash for the bathroom
>trip over glass coffee table
>shatters
>don’t even feel the glass shards dig into my skin from the adrenaline and alcohol
>running on all fours into the bathroom
>still shitting my pants this entire time
>make it to toilet
>unleash gallons of feces
>can barely disrobe while keeping the chocolate starfish aimed into the bowl
>can hear the jeers and cries from friends
>actually cried a little
>eventually, the war ends
>the village has been razed to the earth, it’s women kidnapped and it’s wealth plundered
>weep over the ruins of my kingdom
>only 20 minutes, sober enough to fly a plane
>shower myself off, bleach shower, bag up clothes
>friend lends me old clothes
>exit bathroom
>trail of tears guides me to the couch
>carnage everywhere, seeping into the cushions
>half of our friends left, other half chatting outside
>spend next 2 hours sanitizing
>go home, cry myself to sleep
>friends still call me “holy squirts”

What’s your most embarrassing moment?

The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit

>>9855182
And it is disgusting!
REPENT!